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EXT. A GREASY DINER - AFTERNOON
Funny monster hunter DETECTIVE DEAN WINCHESTER is arguing with kind royal PRINCE CASTIEL. DEAN tries to hug CASTIEL but he shakes him off.
DEAN
Please Cas, don't leave me.
CASTIEL
I'm sorry Dean, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head-on, instead of running away.
DEAN
I am such a person!
CASTIEL frowns.
CASTIEL
I'm sorry, Dean. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
CASTIEL leaves.
DEAN sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later learned hunter DETECTIVE SAM WINCHESTER barges in looking flustered.
DEAN
Goodness, Sam! Is everything okay?
SAM
I'm afraid not.
DEAN
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
SAM
It's ... a vampire ... I saw an evil vampire suck the blood of a bunch of sweet old ladies!
DEAN
Defenseless, sweet, old ladies?
SAM
Yes, defenseless, sweet, old ladies!
DEAN
Bloomin' heck, Sam! We've got to do something.
SAM
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
DEAN
You can start by telling me where this happened.
SAM
I was...
SAM fans himself and begins to wheeze.
DEAN
Focus Sam, focus! Where did it happen?
SAM
Kings Cross Station, London! That's right - Kings Cross Station, London!
DEAN springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
DEAN rushes along the street, followed by SAM. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
INT. KINGS CROSS STATION, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
Chuck THE FIRST AND THE LAST a destructive vampire terrorizes two sweet old ladies.
DEAN, closely followed by Sam, rushes towards Chuck, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
SAM
What is is? What's the matter?
DEAN
That's not just any old vampire, that's Chuck the first and the last!
SAM
Who's Chuck the first and the last?
DEAN
Who's Chuck the first and the last? Who's Chuck the first and the last? Only the most destructive vampire in the universe!
SAM
Blinkin' knickers, Dean! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most destructive vampire in the universe!
DEAN
You can say that again.
SAM
Blinkin' knickers, Dean! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most destructive vampire in the universe!
DEAN
I'm going to need guns, lots of guns.
Chuk turns and sees Dean and Sam. He grins an evil grin.
CHUCK
Dean Winchester, we meet again.
SAM
You've met?
DEAN
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young DEAN is sitting in a park listening to some rock music when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees CHUCK. He takes off his headphones.
CHUCK
Would you like some Fruit Loops?
DEAN's eyes light up, but then he studies CHUCK more closely and looks uneasy.
DEAN
I don't know, you look kind of destructive.
CHUCK
Me? No. I'm not destructive. I'm the least destructive vampire in the world.
DEAN
Wait, you're a vampire?
DEAN runs away, screaming.
INT. KINGS CROSS STATION, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
CHUCK
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
SAM
(To DEAN) You ran away?
DEAN
(To SAM) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
DEAN turns to CHUCK.
DEAN
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
DEAN runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
DEAN
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with guns.
CHUCK
I'm not scared of you.
SAM
You should be.
INT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
DEAN and SAM walk around searching for something.
DEAN
I feel sure I left my guns somewhere around here.
SAM
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly guns.
DEAN
You know nothing, Sam Winchester.
SAM
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, CHUCK appears, holding a pair of guns.
CHUCK
Looking for something?
SAM
Crikey, Dean, he's got your guns.
DEAN
Tell me something I don't already know!
SAM
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
DEAN
I know that already!
SAM
I listen to Celine Dion. And I like it.
CHUCK
(appalled) Dude!
While CHUCK is looking at SAM with disgust, DEAN lunges forward and grabs his deadly guns. He wields them, triumphantly.
DEAN
Prepare to die, you destructive turnip!
CHUCK
No please! All I did was suck the blood of a bunch of sweet old ladies!
CASTIEL enters, unseen by any of the others.
DEAN
I cannot tolerate that kind of behavior! Those sweet old ladies were defenseless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Dean Winchester defender of innocent sweet old ladies.
CHUCK
Don't hurt me! Please!
DEAN
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these guns on you right away!
CHUCK
Because Dean, I am your father.
DEAN looks stunned for a few moments but then collects himself.
DEAN
No you're not!
CHUCK
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
CHUCK tries to grab the guns but DEAN dodges out of the way.
DEAN
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, CHUCK slumps to the ground.
SAM
Did he just faint?
DEAN
I think so. Well, that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly guns.
DEAN crouches over CHUCK's body.
SAM
Be careful, Dean. It could be a trick.
DEAN
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Chuck the first and the last is dead!
SAM
What?
DEAN
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
SAM claps his hands.
SAM
So your guns did save the day, after all.
CASTIEL steps forward.
CASTIEL
Is it true? Did you kill that destructive vampire?
DEAN
Castiel how long have you been...?
CASTIEL puts his arm around DEAN.
CASTIEL
Long enough.
DEAN
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Chuck the first and the last.
CASTIEL
Then the sweet old ladies are safe?
DEAN
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable sweet old ladies enters, looking relieved.
CASTIEL
You are their hero.
The sweet old ladies bow to DEAN.
DEAN
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Chuck the first and the last will never suck blood ever again is enough for me.
CASTIEL
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the sweet old ladies passes DEAN a shiny underwear
CASTIEL
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
DEAN
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
DEAN
Well, if you insist.
DEAN takes the underwear.
DEAN
Thank you.
The sweet old ladies bow their heads once more and leave.
DEAN turns to CASTIEL.
DEAN
Does this mean you want me back?
CASTIEL
Oh, Dean, of course, I want you back!
DEAN smiles for a few seconds but then looks defiant.
DEAN
Well, you can't have me.
CASTIEL
WHAT?
DEAN
You had no faith in me. You had to see me scare a vampire to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
CASTIEL
But...
DEAN
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Sam.
SAM grins.
CASTIEL
But...
SAM
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skedaddle! Shoo!
CASTIEL
Dean?
DEAN
I'm sorry Castiel, but I think you should skedaddle.
CASTIEL leaves.
SAM turns to DEAN.
SAM
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
DEAN
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly SAM stops.
SAM
When I said I listen to Celine Dion. And I like it, you know I was just trying to distract the vampire, don't you?
THE END