Chapter Text
The day started out great. At least, for Kylar Tozier it did.
She was with her dad as he was getting ready for his latest show. After he’d come out, he fired his ghostwriters and started writing his own material, mostly about funny shit that happened at home, or about how he couldn’t remember most of his childhood. Anyways, that’s not important.
“Why did Mr. Williams say-“ Richie, Kylar’s dad, started to say, before his phone started to ring. “Maine?”
“Who the fuck do you know in Maine??” she asked, confused.
“I mean, i did grow up there, kiddo, but i don’t remember having any friends.” Richie answered the phone. “Bob's Unusually Sourced Pig Feed Emporium, you chop 'em, we'll slop 'em.”
Kylar snickered, cause Richie actually was funny for a comedian, believe it or not.
After a few seconds the look on Richies face turned from amused to confused. “Mike? Mike who?” He asked. “Oh! Mike sorry, I didn’t- I didn’t remember you for a second. What’s up?” Then his face went from confused to concerned. “Oh. Oh yeah, forgot about that. Well, can I bring-? I can? Okay. See you tomorrow. Bye.” He hung the phone up and turned to Kylar. “Well, I hope you’re ready to meet my old friends.” And then promptly went and threw up in the bathroom.
She ran after him. “Dad, what the fuck? Why are we going back to Shit Hole, Maine, population assholes??”
“A promise to my friends. I don’t remember a lot, but I think it has to do with all that sweet, sweet internalized homophobia I went through.”
“Ah. Well you still have to do your show, so I can get the plane tickets?” Kylar asked.
“Go ahead. I think it’ll be easier that way.”
Three hours later, they were on a flight to Maine.
“Okay, when I had a friend group, there were seven of us. Only one of us was a girl. Big surprise on my parents part that I turned out to be gay.” Richie deadpanned.
“How’d six boys, called the fucking Losers get a girl to hang out with you?” Kylar asked.
“Who fucking knows? And the worst thing about that? I’m pretty sure that half of us were gay and the other half liked her at some point.”
“Oh, fun, funky, AND fresh!”
“Yep, and I was that one person in the friend group with shitty jokes and awful impressions.” Richie said
“Oh, so you were the same as you are now?”
“Oh fuck you!”
“Save that for your friends, Dad!”
“Wait shit,” Richie said, and grabbed his head like he had a headache. “Dammit, I think I just remembered one of them, oh my god.”
Kylar gasped. “Wait, don’t tell me, you’re actually gay for one of them still?”
“Maybe so. His names Eddie.”
“Sweet, I could get a step-dad from this experience.”
Richie laughed. “Nah, I doubt it short stack. Mike mentioned that Eds has a couple kids of his own. Twins.”
“Or I could make some really good friends!”
Richie snorted. “Yeah, maybe. You could somehow get yourself a boyfriend or girlfriend!”
“We can always dream.” Kylar sighed and closed her eyes to take a nap.
Richie pulled into a parking spot at The Jade of the Orient and looked to Kylar. “You ready, short stack?”
She looked up from her phone and nodded. “As ready as I’ll ever be!”
They got out of the car, seeing three figures standing in front of the entrance, two adults and one teenager.
Richie turned to the two adults, who hadn’t seen him yet. “You two look amazing! What the fuck happened to me?”
Kylar snickered once again and looked to the adults. “Sup, losers!”
The woman looked at Richie, then at Kylar. “Rich! You had a kid?!” And then she hugged him.
He hugged her back. “Well, Bev, it looks like you did too!” He said as he glanced at the teenage girl who looked just like Bev.
Kylar then realized that the two adults were Beverly Marsh and Ben Hanscom. “Wait hold up, how did at least three people from this shit hole of a town turn out to be famous? Is it like... voodoo or some shit?”
Ben laughed. “Four, actually. You know William Denbrough? He was one of our friends too.”
“Shit, man, I love his books. Oh fuck, I forgot to introduce myself! Kylar Tozier, at your service!” she said with a pretty good British accent.
“Rich, she’s funnier than you are!” Beverly said with a smile.
“Fuck you, Marsh.”
She turned to the other teenager there, Beverly’s daughter. “Hey, nice to meet you!”
“Hi. My name’s Jenna.” She said with a small smile.
They all walked to their table, where there were four more adults and four more teenagers. Richie banged a gong that was sitting nearby. “This meeting of the Losers club has officially begun!”
“What’s up fuckers!!” Kylar yelled.
Whatever tension had been in the room dissipated, and everyone laughed, except for one of the adults.
“I’m assuming that’s your kid Trashmouth?”
“You know it, Eds!!” Richie grinned. Like father, like daughter.
“Oh, so this is Mr. Edward Spaghedward?” Kylar said with a grin. “I’ve heard quite a-“ she was stopped by Richies hand over her mouth, followed by a glare that held no heat.
One of the two teens that was standing near Eddie grinned. “This one. I like her.” He walked forward. “Sup? The name’s Evan. Evan Kaspbrak. That little shit over there-“ he jerked his head in the direction of the girl that was near Eddie, “-is my twin sister, Rachel!”
“Evan! Watch your language!”
“Aw, cmon Mr. Spaghetti! No one here seems to give a shit!” Kylar deadpanned.
Eddie shook his head and sat down. Kylar could tell by the look on his face that he thought one Richie was enough, let alone the fact that Kylar and Evan were practically mini copies of him, personality-wise.
Kylar sat down next to one of the other kids she hadn’t met yet. “Hey!”
He looked up from what he was doing on his phone. “Hi? My names Daniel. That’s my dad.” He said, jerking his head in the direction of Stan, who was sitting in between Eddie and Richie.
On the other side of Kylar, the last kid she hadn’t met sat down. “I’m George. My dad’s the author, haha.”
“Oh! I love his books. The endings are really shitty, though.”
“They are!” George said, and laughed.
“George, my endings are not shitty!” Bill said with a grin.
The entire table erupted with an agreement of “yes they are,” which seemed to lighten the mood even more.
“So wait, Eddie, you got married?” Richie said to his old best friend after a few minutes.
“What’s so fucking funny, dickwad?”
“What, to like, a woman??”
“I’m divorced so fuck you. But yes, to a woman asshole.”
“Okay, Trashmouth, what about you?” Bill said. “You married?”
Bev burst out laughing. “There’s no way Richie’s married!”
Kylar was grinning from ear to ear. She’d only known the Losers and their kids for about an hour, but she already loved them.
“Yeah Dad, are you married?” Kylar asked.
“Fuck you, short stack. But yes, I did get married.” From the way he winked at her, Kylar knew he was about to crack a joke.
“No way. Who would marry the Trashmouth?” Eddie said, while the twins were arguing beside him.
“Oh you didn’t hear about this?”
“No!”
“Well, me and your mom are very happy together!”
The table erupted into laughter.
“Since when have you done your mom jokes, Dad?” Kylar said through laughter.
“Does he not do your mom jokes anymore?” Mike asked. He’d been quiet through the meal so far, much like Stan, but he had still joked with the group.
“No! He does actual fucking comedy.”
Stan suddenly laughed. “Trashmouth, you’re a comedian and your daughter is funnier than you are, what the fuck!”
“Don’t act so surprised, Stan the man, she’s better than me at everything. Driving, cooking, having some sort of attraction to the opposite sex!” Richie said that last part offhandedly, but all of the original Losers looked at him surprised. “What?”
“Dad, you kinda came out. Again.” Kylar was laughing quietly behind her hand.
“Damn. Not again.” Richie was grinning.
Several laughter filled minutes passed, until Mike spoke again. “Okay, I hope that you’re all up to date with why you’re here.” The Losers and their kids looked equally confused. “IT is back.”
Kylar glanced at George and Daniel, who both looked just as confused as she did, and then to Richie, who looked terrified. “What the fuck is ”IT”?”
“You didn’t tell them?” Mike asked, not entirely surprised.
Eddie looked pissed. “Dude, we hardly remembered anything!”
“You could’ve told us this sh-shit before we br-brought our kids back here!” Bill said, stuttering for some reason that was unknown to the kids.
Just then, their fortune cookies got there. Kylar grabbed one and opened it. “Guys?” she said, while the adults were still arguing. “Guys!” she yelled. They all looked to her. “Why the fuck does my fortune cookie just say “them”?”