Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Ken silently held his three-month-old son as he slept peacefully in his arms, unaware of how close he had come to losing his father to his tormentor.

Nothing has been the same since Tsubasa's betrayal. The overwhelming happiness and love he had once felt were shattered and gone. The hope he had held to finally overcome the pain and darkness—to finally live a normal life where he was loved and safe—that had entrapped him for so long, encased him once again, sucking all the light and life out of him. And in its place was an empty shell, numbness, and a shattered heart too small to be put back together.

Ken stared blankly at his son's room. Toys hung neatly on the shelving and pictures of the four of them laid innocently next to the changing table. Pain tugged at Ken's soul as he remembered the contents of the letter, the letter that had shattered his world.

She had left him for another man he knew nothing about, had cheated on him behind his back. How long had this been going on, he had no idea. Had this man been in his home when Ken had not been home? Had this man slept in his bed with his girlfriend? Interacted with his children? Ken shuddered. How? How could he not have known? How could he not even seen the signs until it was already too late?

Ken narrowed his eyes at the picture, wanting desperately to dispose of it, but had been unable to, just as he had been unable to throw all of Tsubasa's belongings away. He turned his attention to Kouji, who was still sound asleep in his arms. He wasn't the only one Tsubasa betrayed. Ken sighed as he closed his eyes to stop the tears that threatened to fall. Tsubasa abandoned her secondborn. She had made the excuse that it was because Kouji looked so much like his father. She hadn't wanted to be reminded of the man she never loved. But deep down, Ken knew that wasn't true. Tsubasa wouldn't have been able to get away with taking both her sons without drawing attention to herself.

Ken forced himself to stay quiet as he choked back a sob. It didn't take a genius to figure out he was falling through a very dangerous spiral of depression. He hadn't eaten much within the last three months and he rarely slept nowadays. Nightmares would plague him if he slept and the sound of the waves would always be just a sound away, wanting him to give in, wanting him to hurt himself and those he loved. And then there was Millenniumon…

The Evil God knew what words to say to tear him down. He knew how to use his doubts and insecurities against him. He knew how to make the still raw and bleeding agony so unbearable, pushing him to the brink of suicide and insanity.

Ken stared at his sleeping child with a heavy heart, guilt slowly creeping in, as he placed him in his crib. Kouji deserved better, deserved someone who wasn't a failure, a disappointment, a screwup. Who wasn't….broken…wasn't tainted…

"Look at him." Ken swallowed back the bile rising in the back of his throat. "So sweet. So innocent." Millenniumon's voice echoed in his head, his cruel voice mocking. "Shame you will only taint his light with your darkness, Ichijouji."

"No," Ken whispered brokenly, unaware of the waves surrounding his feet.

"Yes, darkness follows you wherever you go, Tamer. You can never escape it. It will destroy all you love, don't you see? The longer you resist, the more pain it will cause…"  Ken could almost see him smile. "… and it will be all your fault… just as Osamu's death was your fault…"  He laughed coldly, knowing just what to say to break his host. "… just as your mother leaving you behind was your fault… all your fault."

Tears fell down his cheeks, landing on the bandages wrapped around his wrists. He knew he was right. The harm he did to the Digimon, his brother's death, his mother's abandonment had all been his fault. Tsubasa was no different. She must have realized how dangerous, how tainted, he was to decide to leave him behind… in the arms of darkness… where he belonged.

The sound of the waves swayed gently in his ears, almost like a sickening lullaby. As the colors began to dull, bringing back the numbness, Millenniumon laughed, almost gleefully. "Yes, that's it. Give in,"  he said. "No one is here to stop you this time, not even that brother of yours."

Ken frowned slightly. He wasn't sure how long Takumi had been gone. He had said something about going to the drugstore to get more medical supplies for his wrists and something about food. Ken hadn't really bothered to pay attention as he stared blankly at the wall.

Ken turned away from the crib and entered the empty hallway of the small apartment he had shared with Tsubasa. He shivered as the cold numbness spread its poison into the core of his soul.

He would be gone for a good ten to twenty minutes, he realized, dully. It wouldn't be hard to remove the bandages and slice his wrists open again and maybe hit a few vital veins in the process. It wouldn't take long at all.

As Ken walked, Millenniumon whispered lies into his ear. He knew he shouldn't listen to the lies. But Ken couldn't bring himself to care. The numbness had pushed away all the sadness, love, and guilt he had felt when Kouji had been in his arms. With his presence gone, Ken felt… nothing, nothing at all.

"Hmm…" He stopped at the end of the dark and cold hallway and gazed into the open kitchen that was across from the living room.

Standing deliberately in front of the counter where the knives were, was the groom himself, Daisuke Motomiya.

Daisuke sipped some coffee that Takumi had left brewing in the kitchen before he hesitantly left with Jun to get medical supplies and much-needed groceries for his brother.

Daisuke could understand what he must be feeling. The last time Ken had been this depressed was shortly after he shed his Kaiser persona and Millenniumon's control. But this was different. Wormmon's death had cracked Ken's gentle soul, the abuse he endured from Mr. Ichijouji and Alphamon's attack had caused the cracks to spread. The love he got from the Minamotos, Takumi, and Tsubasa and the birth of his sons gave them the hope that he would finally be healed. Tsubasa's betrayal had shattered him completely, almost beyond the point of no return.

Daisuke took another sip of his sugary, caffeinated drink, but he tasted nothing, nothing but regret. The leader of the Chosen placed his half-full cup of coffee on the kitchen counter and sighed.

He knew Ken had been depressed the last few months, yet he had done nothing about it as he should have. Daisuke clenched his hand over the fabric of his kimono where his heart was. Ken's heart used to be in complete synchronization with his own, but now it was slower, irregular, almost on the verge of collapse.

Something was wrong with his jogress partner and best friend. So why hadn't he done something sooner? No, the better question was: why did it take Miyako, Takeru, Hikari, and Iori crashing his wedding with the aid of his sisters to finally see that Ken needed him?

Daisuke lowered his gaze to the wedding band around his finger. Anger, anger like he had never felt before filled him. Ivanna, the girl he met back in high school, had always been jealous of his relationship with the other Chosen. So much so that she had been slowly distancing him from them.

Daisuke removed the wedding band from his finger in utter disgust. She had known about Ken's depression; knew that the single father needed his best friend's help, but she hadn't cared. She had seemed rather pleased when she heard that Ken had tried to kill himself. She had wanted Daisuke all to herself. However, she failed to realize how awesome his friends were and their closeness.

A Chosen always looked after their own.

With a snort of disgust at himself, he slammed the golden band on the counter. He had been so blinded by her lies, so blinded by his desire to be loved back after Hikari rejected him all those years ago, that he had become oblivious to Ken's pain and silent cries for help.

What kind of friend was he if he couldn't be there for his friend when he needed him the most? What kind of friend was he for not seeing that Ken was treading the waters of darkness once again? How? How did it get so bad that Ken felt that ending his own life was the only option he had left?

"Hmm…" Daisuke lifted his eyes and froze when he saw his best friend. It was worse than he thought. Ken had lost a lot of weight since he last saw him. His normally fair complexion looked sickly and the bags under his eyes were a sign of countless sleepless nights. Daisuke tried to ignore the bandages wrapped around Ken's wrists and instead stared into Ken's eyes. Ken's once bright amethyst eyes were dull and lifeless and, in their depths, he could see a familiar gray shadow slowly extinguishing Ken's light.

No.

"Daisuke," Ken's voice held none of its warmth. In fact, there was nothing in it, just an empty shell of his best friend. "What are you doing here?"

"Can't I visit my best friend?" He tried to keep his voice calm. Ken needed him to help him get out of the darkness he found himself trapped within. He just hoped he wasn't too late. "I'm worried about you."

Ken stared at him listlessly for a moment and at that moment Daisuke saw Ken's frail form flicker from their reality. Daisuke sucked in a breath, realizing that the World of Darkness was trying to pull his best friend in, trying to imprison him once again.

Hadn't he promised that if that world began to call for him again he would be there to help him, to bring him back? Hadn't he promised he would always be there for him, even when everything felt so utterly hopeless?

Hikari and Miyako had every right to worry. He deserved the slap in the face he got from Miyako and the slight disappointment and the lecture he got from Takeru and Iori. They did it because they cared, just as they cared about Ken, as well as fearing for his safety. They had tried to help him, but nothing they did was working.

Ken needed his best friend.

"Why? You haven't bothered before." Daisuke flinched slightly at that. He was right. He hadn't paid any attention to his best friend's wellbeing in over three months, nor bothered to stay in contact with the other. He had almost broken his promise.

"I know and I'm sorry. I have no excuse for my absence, but I'm here now."

Ken frowned at him. In the depths of his eyes, there was a sudden shift. The gray shadow began to reside, showing a little bit of amethyst that was trapped within the gray. "I can't always be the center of your attention," Ken said, and that made him narrow his eyes a little.

Ivanna had always said that every time he questioned her about a letter or email or a voicemail, marked for deletion, the others had sent him but had never received until weeks later. The bitch.

"You shouldn't be." The light scolding tone in his voice sounded like the Ken they had all missed, the one that had been filled with so much hope, so much life, so much love. The others', who had been silently sitting in the living room, watching the two of them, eyes lightening up in hope. It was working. Daisuke was getting through to him.

"Li-san will be pissed that I'm burdening you with my problems again." The scolding tone vanished as the gray returned. "Go. Be with your fiancée. Get married. Be happy." He smiled for the first time in months, but it did not reach his eyes. Those orbs remained sad and somewhat distant. "Don't let me keep you any longer."

"Happy? Do you really think getting married is going to make me happy, knowing that my best friend is hurting inside and on the verge of suicide?" Without even thinking, Daisuke gripped Ken's wrists. He ignored the others as they sent him fearful glances. He ignored his half-sister's silent tears that she was trying so hard to hold back.

Julieanna had loved Ken since she first laid eyes on him. But never dared to say a word since Ken had been dating Tsubasa at the time. With Tsubasa gone, Julieanna still refused to confess her love. Ken had been hurting and was not in the right state of mind to get involved with someone else. Ken's pain was having a huge effect on her. She felt his pain, his loneliness, his sadness. There was no doubt in his mind that the two were soulmates, even if Ken does not know.

Ken looked at his wrists that were held gently in Daisuke's hands. "Maybe. Maybe not. I wouldn't really know," he said listlessly. Daisuke met his eyes again and felt dread in the pit of his stomach. "Li-san had already made it clear that you want nothing to do with me. I would only burden you more than I already have." How dare she? How dare she say that to his best friend? No wonder Ken hadn't bothered to reach out to him for help. No wonder his heart no longer synced with his. No wonder he was giving up.

"Ken you are not a burden. You are my best friend. I would always choose you over her in a heartbeat!"

He shook his head slowly as if he couldn't understand what he was saying. "Doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore." His form flickered for a second again. "None of you need me. It's better if I just disappear." Daisuke was only vaguely aware of the pain that passed over his sister's expression as she stood up from the sofa she had been sitting on, along with the panic on the others.

"That's not true! Don't you realize how devastated we would be if we lost you? And what about your parents and Takumi, it would kill them…" Ken didn't respond; the flickering resumed, and it seemed it would not stop until Ken completely disappeared.

"Ken!" Daisuke barely registered his own terrified scream among the other voices that mingled with his own. Daisuke barely registered the black shadow materializing behind Ken, nor did he register its wicked laugh that sounded so similar to when Ken had been the Kaiser, causing Hikari and Takeru to gasp at who they were seeing. He barely registered Julieanna running into the kitchen as tears freely fell down her cheeks. What he did register, however, was the acceptance and never-ending sadness in Ken's eyes and the faint sound of the waves.

Daisuke had never been to the World of Darkness personally. He only knew from what Ken and Hikari had told him. And it scared him a little, but he would be damned, the world would be stupid to think he, Daisuke Motomiya, would allow his best friend to go alone in his fragile state. If it wanted Ken, fine, it was just going to have to take him too, kicking and screaming.

The waves grew louder and the small apartment looked a bit more grayer.

"No!" Julieanna ran into the kitchen, sobs racking her small frame as she wrapped her arms around Ken's midsection and sobs onto his back. "Don't go! Don't go without me!" And then her form flickered as well.

The waves drowned out the other's screams as the small apartment morphed and shifted into a forest, washed out of all color and life.

So this is the World of Darkness? Would have mistaken it for the Digital World if it weren't for all this gray. Daisuke glance around his surroundings for a brief moment, hating the fact that they were in a dangerous world without their partners. They had to be careful to not run into Demon or those Hangyomon Hikari mentioned a while ago and that Ken had only referred to as the Lost Ones.

"Why?" Ken's voice shook slightly. There was something in Ken's voice, something familiar. Daisuke turned his gaze to him, noticing the gray shadows were absent from Ken's eyes. He just looked tired and fatigued and hopeless. "Why did you follow me?"

"You are my friend, Ken. Taichi and the others failed to protect you when this world first called you." Daisuke held his friend's hands gently, his gaze never wavering. "I will not make that mistake. I will not let you down again."

"Daisuke, you haven't-"

"No, Ken." Daisuke squeezed his hands, interrupting the other. "I don't know what has been attacking you, tormenting you, these past few months. You needed me and I wasn't there." Daisuke smiled slightly. "You're family," Daisuke proclaimed, surprising the Chosen of Kindness. "We may not be related, but you are my brother. I won't let you face this threat alone. We will face it together."

"Me too." Ken blinked, realizing for the first time that Julieanna was pressed against his back, arms wrapped tightly around him.

"Motomiya-chan?" Julieanna smiled softly at him. The makeup she had been wearing, washed away by her tears, revealing the dark circles under her eyes and her slightly pale complexion from weeks of restless nights and lack of appetite. It wasn't unusual for her to go days without sleep. She had been in the modeling industry since she was small. She was used to the long hours and restless nights. But this was different. She was restless because Ken was hurt. She was hurt because he was slipping from her before she could even express how much she loved and cared for him. It was Ken, always Ken.

Ken's hands fell out of Daisuke's as he shifted his body so Julieanna could mold easily into his arms. There was an instant connection between the two that Daisuke could not express into words. Ken's eyes became as clear and bright as the day Ken's sons were born. The moment Julieanna was held gently in his arms, all the pain, all the sadness, all the grief, and loneliness was washed away and was replaced with peace and confusion.

Daisuke smiled, knowing that his soul brother had found his soulmate, his other half, even if he wasn't completely aware of it.

"I should have told you sooner," she said, a small sad smile tugging at her lips. "It... hurts seeing the man I love hurting so much." Ken stiffened immediately; he bit his lip, unsure of how to respond to her confession. "I didn't want to come in between you and Kimura-san. You two had seemed so happy together."

"Motomiya-chan I don't…" Ken was silenced by a finger on his lips.

"It's okay. I don't expect you to love me back." The pain was clearly visible in those brown orbs. "She had your heart and trust for a long time before shattering it into tiny pieces." Ken shuddered slightly, his orbs filling up with tears. "I know it hurts and it may feel impossible to open up your heart to another." She looked up at him, her eyes big and brown and filled with so much hope. "But I will find those pieces," she declared, "and put them back together one by one. "

That could take months, maybe even years. And even then Ken might not want to allow another in, but that was okay because Julieanna loved Ken. She would wait for him because she knew they were meant to be together for all eternity.

Turmoil, confusion, and talks of war had been whispered above the winds ever since the gates closed once again. No one has seen the Holy Beasts since the reboot. It was rumored they were in hiding or maybe even dead. The Royal Knights had disbanded and went their separate ways since Yggdrasill and Alphamon disappeared from their world. At least, that's what Lord Knightmon said.

Those who were left of monarchy that the Holy Beasts failed to destroy, refused to step up and lead the entire Digital World. They had their own duties and citizens to care for. They did not want the added responsibility and headache that came with caring for every Digimon in the Digital World. And he could not really blame them. The Digimon had been divided ever since the Holy Beasts took over.

It had started like any other disagreement between two villages at first, some Digmon had been fighting over small amounts of food and other necessities, but would always be resolved within the hour. But then it accelerated over property and land. The tense disagreements would become heated arguments and then those arguments resulted in violence. Wormmon wasn't sure who threw the first punch or what the fight was about, but the damage had already been done. Those who were friends, both Human and Beast Digimon alike, were now enemies, and those who were enemies, were now considered threats that had to be eliminated.

This whole war was so pointless, yet so very sad.

Wormmon stared at the snow that silently fell, wishing Ken was here to help him figure something out. He would have been able to resolve all this tension and mistrust before it had even gotten his bad. The small virus sighed as he watched his brother trudge across the thick white snow with many of his workers as they attempt to fix the huge generator that would just not work.

After the reboot, they had all been surprised that the kingdom was now on a snowy wasteland. They were thankfully protected by the barrier powered by the Digimentals. But they couldn't keep using the Digimentas forever without feeling the side effects. Their partners were no doubt feeling the effects of it, without even realizing what was going on.

He could feel the fatigue traveling across his body, a result of using the Digimental of Kindness for so long. But that was not a concern in his eyes as his mind drifted to his partner. Something was terribly wrong with him. Ken had been feeling sad and in a great deal of pain for almost three months now.

Ken felt alone, defeated, and… hopeless. Why? He had the others, his new family, and Kimura. So why was he lost, so detached? Had something happened between him and the others? Or was it something else?

Maybe he found his mother?  It would explain the conflicting emotions. But something within him wasn't settling well with that thought. Wormmon had tried sending his own energy of love and safety, but it seemed it wasn't working most of the time. Ken was getting worse, instead of better most days. And then there was the other day.

Wormmon stared at his claws with a frown. He had felt a sharp tingly feeling, almost as if something sharp was going across his wrists. He hadn't understood what was going on until he felt a sharp, crushing pain in the center of his chest, resulting in him reverting from his Adult form to his Child form. Ken's life force had been fading away.

The tears have begun to form as he turned away from the window and made his way to his study. Knowing that Ken had been on the verge of dying and he had not been there to help him was a crushing blow.

Wormmon entered the study and laid down on the sofa, lost in his thoughts. "Ken-chan…" Wormmon did not stop the tears as he stared at everything and nothing at all. "I'm sorry."

Sorry for not being there when he needed him the most.

Sorry for not being able to protect him again.

Sorry for not being able to help him with his pain and suffering.

Sorry for being such a horrible partner…

And then the sobs came as despair and the sound of waves, followed by a familiar lullaby filled his ears, luring him into a dreamless sleep.