Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[Jonathan, ThornyNHorny, OceanMan, Diamond, Gangstar, StringCheese, Bojack and Gaps joined The_Server]

Jonathan: Hello everyone! :)

ThornyNHorny: Woah wtf is this?

A group chat?

Jonathan: Since we’ve transcended time and space, I thought I’d let all of you stay here and bring your friends with you! Isn’t it fun?

OceanMan: Wait, can we bring ANYONE?

StringCheese: Dad what’s with that name?

Jonathan: Yes you can bring anyone you temporarily have that privilege. I also made Giorno and Jotaro mods.

Gangstar: I have... authoritah?

Bojack: DAD! Not yet lol

ThornyNHorny: And I don’t? Aw :(

Diamond: YOU HAVE AUTHORITAH BABEEE!

StringCheese: OH SHIT I MEANT JOTARO! FORGET I SAID THAT

OceanMan: It’s so weird knowing I’m gonna get a daughter in 6 years

Bojack: THIS IS WEIRD FOR ME TOO

ThornyNHorny: Uuuuuuuuh weird for you? I get a son at 62 apparently? 

AND IT WAS AFTER MY GRANDSON WAS BORN MEANING I’M GETTING MY DAUGHTER IN LIKE 2 YEARS OR SMTH???

Diamond: rip

[Nutmeg, PaisleyPark, kingofTHEWORLD, Nyo Ho, Full Horse, PoisonIvy, JurrasicWorld, Spicegirl, PistolSmoke, Lil' Bomba, Speed, Bubbles, Zipperman, Leone, UltraGamer2020, Avdol, William, Cavalier, Lisa Lisa, SENTIANTPlankton, KissofDeath, Heavy Weather, Pucci and Doppio  joined the chat]

Diamond: HAT JOSUKE WHY!?

Gaps: If you want to avoid confusion please call me “gappy”

Diamond: is that your nickname bc of that gap in your teeth?

Gaps: yes

Bojack: lol lame

Nutmeg: Wtf is this

StringCheese: GAPPY LMAO

Nutmeg: GAPPY? LOL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE JOSUKE!?

Gaps: please behave yourself this time Joshu, I don’t want to hate you

Nutmeg: pfft, it’s not like I ACTUALLY hate you, you’re cool but annoying

Gaps: “annoying” :(

ThornyNHorny: rip not my josuke

Doppio: whomst summoned me?

Jonathan: Yes :D

Spicgirl: why’s there so many people???

StringCheese: >so many

Girl HALF the people we met aint here, why is this what you call “so many”? 

It aint even what a full server looks like rofl

Gangstar: Hello boomers this is “group chat” 

Do you want me to teach you about fire as well?

Bubbles: WHO IS THIS!?

ThornyNHorny: Ay ceasarino

Bubbles: Jojo?

Spicegirl: Gio pls, don’t be funny it doesn’t suit you

Gangstar: I gotta let loose every now and then babe

Spicegirl: But it’s cringe pls stop

ThornyNHorny: Bro you just posted cringe! You will loose subscriber!

Spicegirl: I’m gonna take that back and applying that to you

ThornyNHorny: :(

kingofTHEWORLD: I will eradicate your bloodline

Stringcheese: THIS IS A MISTAKE! JONATHAN BAN HIM

Jonathan: Why?

kingofTHEWORLD: Yeah hoe, why?

Cavalier: I just done reading the invites. Who invited hol horse?

[StringCheese changed their name to Hoelyne]

Cavalier: And DIO??? WHY?

Hoelyne: ngl this is a pretty fun pun. I’m gonna keep it.

so thanks Dio! :D

Joanthan: I invited half these people just to get it going, this server is supposed to be our melting pot for all our weird journeys after all ;)

OceanMan: Did you just… winky face? Also Jolyne why?

Jonathan: Whoops wrong punctuation

Hoelyne: I SAID IT’S A FUN PUN OKAY!

PaisleyPark: OHMYGOD YOU INVITED JOSHU!?

Nutmeg: HEY! I RESENT THAT

KissofDeath: HI JOLYNE

Hoelyne: OMG FF, HERMES! GLAD I INVITED YOU! 

Diamond: GDI I FORGOT ABOUT MY BROS!

Cavalier: YOU SERIOUSLY INVITED DIO HERE!?

Jonathan: I want to get along with Dio again even though I still can’t forgive him for all the horrible things he has done and I would like to see him redeemed

kingofTHEWORLD: Holy shit Jonathan, just for that I won’t be a meany to you

Cavalier: Meany

kingodTHEWORLD: Hey I unironically use that

Pucci: Glad to see you too Dio

Hoelyne: lol gay

FulHorse: Howdy

OceanMan: You invited hol horse why

Jonathan: I want to learn more about the cowboy lifestyle so i thought someone like hol horse can draw out the inner cowboy in johnny and his friends

Cavalier: BOY I DON’T NEED AN ENTIRE FUCKING HORSE

[FullHorse changed their name to entire fucking horse]

entire fucking horse: :)

Cavalier: GDI

Jonathan: I want to learn about these abbreviations too

Speed: DIOOOO WHY!?

Jonathan: Now, now Robert calm down

Lisa Lisa: IT’S FUCKING DIO

Jonathan: Not you too Elizabeth

JurassicWorld: Walk like a dinosaur

TheWorld: OH GOD WHO LET THE POSER IN?!

Hoelyne: I can’t tell who is who, Did we meet some of them??? Who’s poison ivy???

Poison Ivy: Poison ivy is my waifu she’s the only other person who cares about plants as much as me

PaislyPark: Mamazeku ew

Poison Ivy: I’m sorry yasuho, you want my user to be named after my fucking stand like you?

Nutmeg: Yasuhoooooooo it’s meeeeee

PoisonIvy: Like you seriously want me to be named “Doggy Style” do you?

Diamand: Oh so THAT’S who you were referring to whenever you said “where’s yasuho”

Bojack: What is my relation with you two???

Nutmeg: Fuck do i know BOOMER 

Bojack: I’M 19!

Hoelyne: 19 SQUAD

[Coochie and dumbass joined The_Server]

Cavalier: Dumbass

DUMBASS

dumbass: OI JOSUKE WHY U CHUJE THIS NAM FOR ME?

PoisonIvy: NAM

Nyoho: CAPS LOCK

kingofTHEWORLD: OI JOSUKE

Nutmeg: CHUJE

kingofTHEWORLD: THIS IS KILLING ME I LOVE IT

Diamond: OKAYASU NO

[Diamond’s name was changed to OI JOSUKE]

OI JOSUKE: DAMMIT

kingofTHEWORLD: Okay this is epic.

OI JOSUKE: no, not epic

kingofTHEWORLD: I’m literally dying right now, I love this.

Gangstar: who says I can’t be funny without being cringe, now? HUH TRISH!?

kingofTHEWORLD: the only disappointing thing here is that you’re my ONLY son, I’m proud already but if there was more of you :sniffle:

Pucci: about that…

UltragGamer2020: SUP GAMERS

Pucci: wh

Bubbles: WHO EVEN IS THIS TURD!?

Jonathan:  Oh, that’s kakyoin

OceanMan: SERIOUSLY!? SERIOUSLY KAKYOIN!?

UltraGamer2020: Jotaro what’s wrong? You know i’m an epic gamer

Mmmmm fortnite

OceanMan: STICK TO F-MEGA 

YOU CURSED FORTNITE FOR ME

OI JOSUKE: WAIT

CURSED!?

HE RUINED IT AS IN YOU LIKED IT BEFORE!?!?!?

OceanMan: WAIT NO

dumbass: HAHAH GAMER

OceanMan: STOOOOP

Cavaliar: BOUNJOUR

Jonathan: Please hold on

kingofTHEWORLD: It is I DIO! YOU’RE DOOM!

[Kira joined The_Server]

Coochie: WHO INVITED HIM!?!?!!?

OI JOSUKE: JANTHAN NUKE THIS PLACE. I’D TAKE ROHAN OVER THIS

PoisonIvy: Janthan

Kira: hello

Nutmeg: Yasuhoooooo

OI JOSUKE: God, pease end me

Gaps: Dude I think she blocked you

Nutmeg: ;((((((

Gaps: JOSHU STOP

ThornyNHorny: HALF THESE PEOPLE INVITED AREN’T TALKING

Kira: WHY IS JOSUKE HERE! ILL MURDER YOU LIKE I MURDER STRONG INDEPENDENT WHAMEN!

Hoelyne: OH NO, josuke run or he’ll skin you

OI JOSUKE: Jolyne pls

Kira: Nah don’t worry I was joking, I just start taking therapy and I want to start by not only making amends but by making friends and I’ll do that by making friends.

OI JOSUKE: OH GOD

JurassicWorld: Walk like the dinosaur

kingofTHEWORLD: WHY DO YOU HAVE MY NAME

WRRYYYYYYYYY

Pucci: Dio calm down

kingofTHEWORLD: DIO IT#S DIO. U KNOW DIS

Hoelyne: Oh God, this is a mistake

Jonathan: everyone please calm down

I should have organized this better.

Hoelyne: uh yeah?

Jonathan: @everyone I’m temporarily going to mute all of you, please do not leave because I want you all to listen to the following

[Jonathan muted the chat]

Jonathan: Please calm down and be civil here I want all of you to get along here, I will unmute the “villains” so we can agree no one harms anyone, you’ll invite anyone who still needs to be invited and we will continue with business

I would also like to learn about all of your individual cultures here including internet culture

Jonathan: I will now unmute the villains so they can promise to not be “evil”

[kingofTHEWORLD, Pucci, Kira, an entire fucking horse, JurrasicWorld and Doppio are unmuted]

kingofTHEWORLD: Fine I’m sorry for ruining everything jonathan for you and causing you massive debt and almost ending the universe

Pucci: I would like to apologize to Jolyne for killing her, I no longer feel the ill will to your family Jonathan you will enter heaven indefinitely for your nobility

Doppio: I’m not a villain

Jonathan: Thank you DIO and Pucci

kingofTHEWORLD: Suck my cock jojo ;)

Jonathan: what

JurrasicWorld: Walk like a dinosaur

Jonathan: Excuse me?

Doppio: Like what did I do??? Is it because i work for the boss of a mafia???

Oh speaking of which

[the devil himself joined The_Server]

Jonathan: GOOD HEAVENS

Kira: I’m kinda sorry but not really? I think I gave my apology, I just want to make friends with those I hurt, but I can’t get rid of my fetish, it’s ingrained in me. It is making people uncomfortable which is why I kept it a secret this entire time. 

the devil himself: I won’t apologise for my atrocities, but i’m cool with all of you

Won’t stop me from hating your son

Jonathan: Who even are you exactly?

I thought you’d be speaking through doppio’s account?

the devil himself: I’m his split personality I have my own account and I experienced what doppio experienced, he doesn’t experience what I experience and he doesn’t know I exist he just knows me purely as the boss of Passione.

JurassicWorld: Walk like a dinosaur

kingofTHEWORLD: WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU INSOLENT REPTILE HOW DID I GO FROM CHRONOKENETIK TO NOT SHUTTING THE FUCK UP ABOUT FUCKING DINOSAURS LIKE SHADDAP ABOUT DINOSOURS

JurrasicWorld: It was a night like this forty million years ago

I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey skull to go

The sun was spitting fire, the sky was blue as ice

I felt a little tired, so I watched Miami Vice

And walked the dinosaur, I walked the dinosaur

kingofTHEWORLD: GOD SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME AND I’LL ERADICATE YOU

Jonathan: DIO NO ERADICATING

the devil himself: BEING NICE WILL BE WORTH IT IF THIS SI THE DRAMA I’LL SEE

Jonathan: THERE’LL BE NO DRAMA

At least I hope. If you want to be nice, Diavolo you should do it to your daughter first

the devil himself: whatever

Jonathan: Now please apologize, Diego.

an entire fucking horse: Me no bad guy, did i do right thing?

Jonathan: Yes Mr. Horse

JurassicWorld: I’m sorry for being a dinosaur mate

Jonathan: DIO, what do we say?

kingofTHEWORLD: Accepted, reptile

JurassicWorld: Eh i’ll accept it, 

Jonathan: Good gracious

[Jonathan unmuted the whole chat]

Jonathan: Is everyone okay with this?

Gaps: I think tsome of them went offline for a bit, they’ll answer when they get back online

Cavalier: Hol Horse isn’t a bad guy, now I heard everything

an entire fucking horse: Okay man

Jonathan: Look, for those online do you accept this?

OI JOSUKE: eh, as long as you’re fine with it,

ThornyNHorny: ditto

Hoelyne:  pucci still gay af tho.

Nothing changing that.

SpiceGirl: my fucking dad is online here…

the devil himself: uuuuh hi trish?

SpiceGirl: YOU’RE online!? YOU!? I’m taking a break @Gangstar @ me when he’s offline I need some cherry cola rn, can’t take this

the devil himself: fuck

Hoelyne: lol

OI JOSUKE: On a different note I’m still iffy on kira, but eh

Nyoho: Johnny, if valentine is invited, will you accept his apology

Bojack: I have no idea

Nutmeg: Yasuhooooo i couldn’t dm yoooooouuuuu 

Jonathan: he was invited but he said he isn’t joining immediately

PaisleyPark: PLEASE JOSHU

Jonathan: Same with all the other people I sent invites to actually…

NutMeg: Yasuhooooooooooo pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease

Jonathan: Mr Joshu no sexual harassment

NutMeg: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine boomer

Jonathan: Now… what is a boomer?

OceanMan: GOD will we EVER get USED to THIS!?

Hoelyne: Anything that happens will be entertainment

ThornyNHorney: fuck

Nyoho: this party getting crazy.

Chapter Text

William: Jojo is this the reason why you told me to get a phone to download this very specific app?

Jonathan: Yes Mr Zeppeli. 

William: I just read through all of this.

I’m sorry to say this to you, but it’s a fucking shitshow

Jonathan: Mr Zepplei, it’ll get better, don’t you worry

This is probably just some growing pains

William: LAD! Look at these people and what they’re typing

Jonathan: some of these people are family and others are their friends

William: and some are their mortal enemies.

Like in the name of Jesus you let DIO in thinking he’s going to change.

You are extremely kind hearted but you AREN’T naive, Jojo.

Not like this.

Hoelyne: I’m sorry? “These” people? 

Boomer much?

Jonathan: Jolyne, please don’t call Mr Zeppeli that.

Now that I know about how it’s used, i find it disrespectful

William: I got my eye on you, lass

Hoelyne: of course you do

ThornyNHorny: Yeah hoe, that man’s my best pal’s grandpa

Actually @Bubbles get yo ass in here and have a proper conversation with your old man’s old man

Bubbles: Grandpa?

William: Hello Caesar.

[Funny Valentine joined The_Server]

William: Who’s this now?

Funny Valentine: Sorry I didn’t join immediately, I needed a moment.

Bojack: Valentine

Funny Valentine: Hi johnny, u still mad?

Bojack: Idk, don’t want to think about it

William: So Caesar, I apologise for not being there during your birth and seeing you grow or train your hamon so it would grow strong, but I see you don’t need my coaching. The use of bubbles is an ingenious move and I wholly approve of you improving my hamon cutter.

I’m sorry to hear about my son and your father, Mario. I am proud that he saved you and instilled the Zeppeli spirit within you as well as you’re close bond with Joseph.

You have done well and as your grandfather and fellow hamon user I am happy that you exist.

Funny Valentine: Holy shit, this is wholesome

Jonathan: Beautifull, Mr zeppeli

Speed: ZEPPELI THIS IS FANTASTIC

William: Thank you speedwagon

Hoelyne: Mfw I see wholesomeness on my cursed server

Boo get this outta my face

Jonathan: Jolyne, please. It is wonderful what Mr Zeppeli had said.

ThornyNHorny: Yeah hoe, don’t you be dissing me bud and his pops’ pops’, ya hear.

Jonathan: Joseph don’t call her hoe.

William: Have you seen what she’s wearing Jojo??? That’s the clothing of a “hoe” but considering she’s from 2011 it’s probably just fashion.

No offense lass.

Hoelyne: All offense taken.

Jonathan: Jolyne no

Bojack: Hoe lol

Jonathan: Johnny don’t start

Bojack: @Hoelyne: hoe hoe hoe hoe hoe hoe hoe hoe hoe

Hoelyne: Like a badge of honour

ThornyNHorny: Bruh momento

Bubbles: Sorry, I was just crying, I always wanted to hear that.

ThornyNHorny: Proud of you ceasar boi

Nyoho: Uwu what’s this? Wholesome zeppeli banter? That’s forbidden from my universe, but hey since we're in THIS universe I can do whatever dafuq I want

Old man zeppeli and twink zeppeli, you’re both fucking epic 

Bubbles: Daw,

Hoelyne: Ew

Bubbles: Jolyne leave

Funny Valentine: Just for that I’m going to apologize for killing you during our battle

That spin was epic ngl

Hoelyne: Don’t say epic please

It’s cringe 

ThornyNHorny: C’mon now

Nyoho: Aw Funny, you shouldn’t have 

Killed me that is

Hoelyne: Lol

Funny Valentine: You know what? You’re right, I shouldn’t have killed you.

That spin scared me shitless

Hoelyne: Okay boomer

Nyoho: Shut it millennial, let my killer speak

Funny Valentine: But Johnny's spin? That scared me a lot more, it shouldn’t fucking exist and I’m so happy I can exist again without worrying about the infinite rotation

Bojack: I mean you did kill Gyro and I did think you were a righteous person but you planned on betraying me anyway soooo

Funny Valentine: Yeah i’m sorry, but you have the power that you shouldn’t have

Bojack: Hey now, can we just accept peace?

Funny Valentine: Johnny I’m sorry 

Bojack: Apology accepted, just no more filthy acts okay

Funny Valentine: At a reasonable price

Hoelyne: Lolwhut

Funny Valentine: It means “I accept”

Bojack: That’s good at least

William: So moving the topic, i can’t say much about you Gyro because I haven’t seen you’re steel balls in action properly, but from the tales i’ve heard i’d like to witness how you utalise such an ability and even transmorph it into the power of stands

ThornyNHorny: HEY! I USED HAMON WITH STANDS

OceanMan: Not yet dingas

This is 18 y/o you

ThornyNHorny: You said i have this hermit purple

It’s like priple veins or whatever?

I think I had that while battling the pillarman, i can faintly see your star platinum tho

OceanMan: Wait wtf

ThornyNHorny: I think hermit purple is what i had?

It was how i read kars 4000 iq mind

Bubbles: Jojo! Are you saying is this ability is how you managed to guess peole’s mext lines

ThornyNHorny: I mean i didn’t know i had it, i think it was dormant or something

Hoelyne: Shit jiji

ThornyNHorny: Don’t call me jiji

Hoelyne:

Okay boomer = yuck
-places distrust in younger and older generations

-degrading

-in bad taste

Yare yare daze jiji = kino

-makes joseph an angry lil boi 

:)

ThornyNHorny: Mean

OceanMan: Yare yare daze jolyne

Hoelyne: Yare yare daze? More like yare yare DAWA

OceanMan: This wasn’t really funny

Leone: Hey you know who also isn’t really funny?

Nyoho: Funny valentine?

Funny Valentine: HEY!

Nyoho: Sorry sorry, low hanging fruit.

Couldn’t help myself

Hoelyne: Woah wtf

Zipperman: Abachio pls

Leone: @Gansgatr unfunny funion boy

Gangstar: Hey aba, hey bruno, finally online?

Hoelyne: You like randomly burst in just to call Giorno unfunny?

Leone: It was a perfect segue.

Zipperman: Well that goes our cover.

Zipper: We, well *I*, was planning to exclusively lurk, especially after the initial chaos but apparently SOMEONE couldn’t help themself.

Leone: It’s not my fault giorno is an unfunny prick

Jonathan: Please don’t call my only son unfunny please.

He’s learning

Leone: Damn, he’s admin’s pet.

Plot armour

ThornyNHorny: >only

My dad would like a word

OceanMan: Yare yare daze Jonathan

William: Sometimes it’s hard to forget that there’s a kid jonathan has that isn’t also biologically DIO’s

Hoelyne: Don’t bring up the other three?

William: THERE’S MORE OF THEM!?

Nyoho: WAIT! ARE YOU TELLING ME, ALT JOHNNY HAS FOUR KIDS THAT ALSO BELONG TO DIO!?

Bojack: GYRO I CAN’T GET THE IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD

IS THIS SOME OMEGAVERSE CRAP1?

Jonathan: What is omegaverse?

Bojack: STAY INNOCENT

DO NOT LOOK IT UP FORGET IT ENTIRELY

Jonathan: Oh dear…

kingofTHEWORLD: No, i cut his head and planted my own onto his body.

Hoelyne: WHAT THE FUCK

Bojack: DIO!

Bubbles: JOJO, YOU TELLING ME THE WORST ENEMY OF BOTH OUR GRANDPAS FUCKING

Nyoho: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Bojack: @JurassicWorld YOU FUCKING READING THIS!?

JurassicWorld: What?

What I miss?

Hoelyne: Oh, so that’s how it happened.

It was jonathan’s cum the whole time!

kingofTHEWORLD: Please don’t.

Hoelyne: NUH UH

kingofTHEWORLD: YUH YUH

Hoelyne: NUH UH

OceanMan: Children please

Nyoho: Jotaro is younger than both of you’s and he’s callinng you children

What a riot

Zipperman: If this the mental capacity of everyone else, then being active was a msitake

Leone: Not my fault blame giorno

kingofTHEWORLD:Go die 

Leone: Okay gaylord

kingofTHEWORLD: Only in a universe where the sex is actually satisfying and not awkward and stupid

Bojack: I’m dying on the inside right now

JurassicWorld: YOU DID FUCKING WHUT BRUV?

Bojack: looks like someone has backread

JurassicWorld: Ew man, just ew.

Literally why?

Hoelyne: Lemme grab dat poppy corn

[PinkDarkBoy joined The_Server]

PinkDarkBoy: I got commissions available, i’ll give it to you quickly

OI JOSUKE: ROHAN THANK GOD

PinkDarkBoy: That’s one thing I never expected to hear from you, Josuke.

OI JOSUKE:  That’s because we can finally change the fucking subject, i don’t want to read that dumb shit again

PinkDarkBoy: What dumb shit

OI JOSUKE: Don’t scroll up

Hoelyne: Scroll up scroll up

PinkDarkBoy: I just did

You have a point 

OI JOSUKE: You didn’t…

PinkDarkBoy: I did.

I feel disgusted in even being this place.

kingofTHEWORLD: I’m sorry this aint no safe space THOT

PinkDarkBoy: You wanna go mr slut?

[kingofTHEWORLD’s name changed to Mr. Slut]

Mr. Slut: GIORNO NO

Gangstar: Giorno yes

Spicegirl: Okay, I’m gonna admit, the name changes are funny

Leone: No they’re not, they’re gay

Pucci: Hey, don’t use that word that way

Hoelyne: Why? Because it hurts your fragile christian masculinity?

Jonathan: Jolyne, don’t. I’m christian.

Hoelyne: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh

Bojack: Gay

Leone: Gay

Hoelyne: homosex

Jonathan: Stop pls

Gangstar: Just banned the use of that word

Spicegirl: Okay that’s a good call

Hoelyne: Lol! no gay = good call.

Homophobe trish

Spicegirl: WAIT NO I DIDN’T MEAN IT THAT WAY

Gangstar: I mean…

If people are gonna abuse the use of the G word then…

Hoelyne: Then what?

Jonathan: Jolyne, abachio, johnny, please don’t use the G word as spam, okay?

Leone: Fine

Gangstar: Yeah just unrestricted it.

Gay rights

Spicegirl: Gay rights

Coochie: Hey @PinkDarkBoy you say you do commissions now?

PinkDarkBoy: Yeah, I think i should end pink dark boy soon

OI JOSUKE: NOOOO WHY??!?!?

PinkDarkBoy: Because all good things should come to an end

Coochie: Aw

PinkDarkBoy: Also i am wringing all I can out of Pink Dark Boy, there’s literally too much I wish to do for the series which cannot fit.

I also don’t want to make it a generation thing like kinikuman, dragon ball or god forbid… Yu-Gi-Oh, I haven’t set up the universe for this sort of thing.

I think I want to make a lot more series tho, but I the great Rohan Kishihbe need my own room to breath if I wish to let all these ideas take form.

Coochie: Ah

OI JOSUKE: And you’re doing commissions?

PinkDarkBoy: Yes

It’s called “getting out of my comfort zone”

Literally anything, if you can pay the price i can provide.

Coochie: “Literally anything” as in anything?

PinkDarkBoy: YES ANYTHING.

Even for you, i still haven’t exactly forgiven you for burning down my house.

You still need to pay up though

OI JOSUKE: aw i’m still broke

Hoelyne: Burning down the house LMAO 

That’s the name of emporio’s stand

OI JOSUKE:The kid?

The one who was with you?

Hoelyne:  Yes that kid.

The baseball kid

PinkDarkBoy: So do you have anything atm for me?

Hoelyne:  Uuuuuuh not yet, i’ll  hit you up when I can.

[ChilliManSoul joined The_Server]

ChilliManSoul: Wuz popping!? YE-AAH!

OI JOSUKE: Bruh, you invited fucking Akira Otoishi?

Just what I needed

Jonathan: I wanted to know what music was like after my time

Hoelyne: If you wanted to know that then you don’t need him, just listen to some jimmy hendrix

I can attest Stone free is pretty kino *wink wink*

ChilliManSoul:  A hoe of culture I see

The legend himself has graced your ears

Hoelyne: It’s half the reason why i named my stand that

ChilliManSoul: STONE FREE

Hoelyne: DO AS I PLEASE

STONE FREE

ChilliManSoul: RIDE THE WIND

PistolSmoke: I wake up to people singing jimmy hendrix

Lil’ Bomba: Where’s fugo, he’d love this!

[PurpleSmoke joined The_Server]

PurpleSmoke: Yeah I accepted the invite

Lil’ Bomba: Aaaay man

Hoelyne: Purple smoke?

ChilliManSoul: Like purple haze?

PurpleSmoke:  ALL IN  MY BRAIN

ChilliManSoul:  PURPLE HAZE ALL AROUND

Hoelyne: You named your stand after a jimmy hendrix song as well

PurpleSmoke: No

Lil’ Bomba: I did lel

PistolSmoke: He thought it sounded better than “purple smoke”

Lil’ Bomba: Then i got him to listen to the song

He loved it

PurpleSmoke: I did not

PistolSmoke: He’s just tsundere for jimmy hendrix despite singing it just now

Jonathan: A lot of people seem to be joining

Gangstar: You said we all needed to get along

OI JOSUKE: I’m happy it became a little quite after yesterday, there was some screeching here and there particularly from joshu

OceanMan: Speak of the devil and he’s gonna show up

Hoelyne: He can’t outbatman the batman

OceanMan: I’m batman to you?

Hoelyne:  Duh

Mr. Slut: But I’M the batman

Gangstar: Bad joke dad

Leone: Also you’re a slut

Mr. Slut: They enjoy my feet pics i sell on patreon after all

OceanMan: ….

Gangstar: …

Hoelyne: You do not

Nyoho: Johnny… was seeing the other universe really all that worth it?

Bojack: Yes

But this is one of those “no” moments

Mr. Slut: Haha just kidding

...unless?

Jonathan: Why would people need pictures of DIO’s feet

OceanMan: STAY 

INNOCENT

I BEG OF YOU PLEASE

Hoelyne: GET THE MENTAL IMAGE OUT OF MY MIND

kingofTHEWORLD: Allright hoe

PistolSmoke: Btw it was chaos, fugo

Lil’ Bomba: You should have seen it, after the party started getting crazy, speed cried that he was sharing a server with dio, and the sentient plankton harassed him for his tears because it was like a fountain and it required sustenance.

Hoelyne:  Ah, good ol’ Foo Fighters.

Mr. Slut: FOO LMAO!

--

Nyoho: You know johnny, you didn’t know what you’re relation to “Gappy” is.

OI JOSUKE: I mean he’s a higashikata, like me.

And he has the star

Nyoho: Why is that tho?

Bojack: He has to be descended from me, maybe it’s part of his missing identity.

OI JOSUKE:  The forgotten joestar

Bojack: Ay @Gaps any progress on your identity?

Gaps: Progress?

Bojack: You know, your amnesia

Gaps:  Oh, i’m never getting these memories back

Bojack: Whut

Gaps:  I was nearly literally born yesterday

OI JOSUKE:  Double whut

Gaps:  Okay, last month?

12 months?

Bojack: This is making no sense at all

Gaps:  Well… I actually knew my relation to you all along

I saw the higashikata family tree

Bojack: Wait, I’m part of the higashikata family tree?

Gaps:  You married into it

Bojack: MARRIED?

Nyoho: YOU MARRIED INTO NORISUKE’S FAMILY

YOU MARRIED INTO A JAPMAN FAMILY

A JAPMAN YOU FREAKED YOU OUT APPARENTLY 

YOU FUCKING MADLAD

YOU MARRIED INTO HIS FAMILY

OI JOSUKE: LOL

JurrasicWorld: Wait, norisuke?

That wanker? He survived the steel ball run?

Gaps:  He was second place

Nyoho: WHAT THE FUCK FRIUWRHVH

I’M LOVING THIS

OI JOSUKE:  Oh God…

Gaps:  You fell in love with his daughter

Bojack: Ah

Nyoho: Like legit love?

Gaps: Ye

Nyoho: YOU MARRIED OUT OF LOVE

YOU LEGIT LOVED!?

I’M FREAKING OUT JOHNNY

I’M SO PROUD OF YOU

Jonathan: He found true love, just like me and my wife erina

That sounds sweet

ThornyNHorny: Granny erina never shutted up about you btw

Bojack: So like… does that mean you’re my descendant?

Gaps:  Yes but no

Bojack: ???? 

What does that mean?

Gaps:  Remember when i said i was born yesterday-sih?

Bojack: Yeah?

Gaps:  Well… you had a great grandaugter called Holly, who married a japanese man

She had a kid named Yoshikage Kira

OI JOSUKE: WAIT WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

@Kira YOU FUCKING SEEING THIS!?

Bojack: DAFUQ?

Jonathan: Oh dear

Nyoho: LOL

Hoelyne: HANDFUCKER JOESTAR HANDFUCKER JOESTAR

Gaps: Hey this one is different

OI JOSUKE:  Does he like the mona lisa?

Gaps: Yes?

OI JOSUKE:  Collect his nail clippings in jars?

Gaps: Yes?

OI JOSUKE:  Is his stand killer queen?

Gaps: yes?

OI JOSUKE:  Does he like hands?

Gaps: Yes?

I’ve seen them around his apartment

OI JOSUKE: SEVERED HANDS OF THE WOMEN HE KILLED I KNEW IT

Gaps: Wait wtf ew no

They’re models

OI JOSUKE:  Models?

Gaps: Of his own hands

OI JOSUKE:  Huh?

Gaps: He’s a narcissist, his hands are very beautiful and he keeps models of them in his own apartment

OI JOSUKE:  Wait, ONLY his hands?

Gaps: Yes

OI JOSUKE:  So like, he isn’t a serial killer or smth???

Gaps :No he’s a ship surgeon who was just looking for a cure for his mother who’s incredibly ill

He also has a sense of justice

Hoelyne: Wow, being a joestar does that man some good.

OI JOSUKE: Hey jotaro you’ve been typing for a while, say something

OceanMan: Yare yare daze

Nyoho: Other than yare yare daze

OceanMan: What is there to say?

He took my fucking spot in the famiy tree and he’s somehow in a simialr position as me when I went to egypt

OI JOSUKE: His strong sense of justice must come from you lmao

Nyoho: Aren’t we missing something???

How does this relate to gappy?

Like hello?

Gaps: I’m getting to that

Bojack: Make a long story short

Gaps: Kira died

OI JOSUKE: Rip

Bojack: Shit man

GapsAnd i was born

Bojack: That just opens so many more questions

Gaps Well when he died he fused with a man named josephume his parts were grafted onto him, josephumi died and I crawled out of the ground butt naked

Bojack: What

PaisleyPark: It’s true

Mr Slut: I was AFK for a 5 minutes and the first thing i read is “handfucker joestar”

LMAO I MISSED SOMETHING JUICY

Bojack: DIO PLS

Mr Slut: HANDFUCKER JOESTAR HANDFUCKER JOESTAR

Kira: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT THIS TIME?

AND WHAT DOES HANDFUCKER JOESTAR MEAN?

OI JOSUKE: You’re jotaro in gappy’s timeline

Kira: What does THAT mean?

OceanMan: You’re mom in morioh 2011 is my mom

Kira: Huh???

OceanMan:  Just backread, God.

Kira: K

Hoelyne: Handfucker joestar 

OceanMan: Stop

Hoelyne: Whatever you say

PinkDarkBoy: THIS WILL MAKE A GREAT PLOT POINT FOR A FUTURE MANGA

Coochie: Ooooh, someone commission this for rohan

Oi Josuke: No

Nyoho: Do you take paypal?

PinkDarkBoy: Yes

Nyoho: Then I’ll think about it

Bojack: My head fucking hurts learning all about that

I can’t fathom

dumbass: Oooh ooh, who am I in your uniborse?

OI JOSUKE: Dumbass learnt to undo caps lock

Coochie: Autocrrect also helps his ass

Gaps: You’re last name is nijimura, right?

dumbass: Yeee

Gaps:I do know a Nijimura, although it wasn’t her real last name. So I have no idea if this counts.

dumbass: Please tell me aneway

Gaps: Well…. You’re a made ig.

dumbass: Escuse me?

Gaps: You’re kira’s sister, and you look like 17 year old jotaro but as a girl.

She was how I learnt about my connection to Kira and how i was a fusion of two people.

dumbass: I keep the hand, right?

Gaps: Kyo’s stand is a biker, it was tough as nails

It’s name was “born this way”.

dumbass: Okay that’s epic

Nutmeg: WTF DID I JUST READ

OI JOSUKE: LOL  OH NO

Nutmeg: WHY DIDN;T I LEARN ANY OF THIS SHIT JOSUKE!?

WHY’D YOU HIDE THIS SHIT!?

Gaps: Why would I tell you?

Nutmeg: NIJIMARU IS MY FUCKIMG COUSIN OR SOMETHING?!

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK I DIDN’T KNOW!?

ChilliSoulMan: CREEPER

AW MAN

Nutmeg: AH SHADDAP

Hoelyne: WE BACK IN THE MINE

ChilliManSoul: GOT OUR PICKAXE

Nutmeg: STOP

I DEMAND ANSWERS

dumbass: Please don’t ding that, i detetst that song.

And i really like minecraft

ChilliManSoul: Okay dumbass.

Gaps: This is most uncomfortable

dumbass: What is?

Nutmeg: Shut

OI JOSUKE: LEAVE HIM ALONE OKAY

Nutmeg: Okay mr hyde yeesh

Mr. Slut: I’m lovig this already

Nutmeg: You’re a fucking slut, you don’t know love.

Mr. Slut: I’m going to drink you’re fucking blood one day

Nutmeg: Oooh a vampire scary

“I vant to suck yor blahd”

Mr. Slut: I will 

Nutmeg: That’s gay

Mr. Slut: Fuck everyone here, seriousley

Chapter Text

[ GwessWho? Joined The_Server ]

GwessWho?: Ello ello what’s this?

KissofDeath: Jolyne wtf is this bitch doing here?

GwessWho?: Blackmail

Hoelyne: You weren’t supposed to say that, dummy!

SENTIANTPlankton: Blackmail?

GwessWho?: Oh yeah, I was gonna do shit if she didn’t get me into this place.

KissofDeath: How did you know about it?

GwessWho?: Ask your lurker @Heavy Weather

Heavy Weather: My cover is blown

I had second thoughts when I saw what everyone was typing

KissofDeath: Why’d you go and tell Gwess?

Heavy Weather: I didn’t.

Nyoho: Lmao your name is really Gwess?

GwessWho?: What’s it to you?

Nyoho: It just makes your username so much more clever now.

Bojack: Gyro don’t compliment this weird lady

Are you a lady?

GwessWho?: Is there any doubt?

Bojack: ...fair point

Hoelyne: The fucking cowboys are interacting with gwess, now I’ve seen everything.

Nyoho: Hey give this prankster gangster some credit. 

GwessWho?: Prankster gangster, Oh, I’m gonna LOOOVE you.

SENTIANTPlankton: Hey uuuuh, where’s anasui?

GwessWho?: Definitely not jolyne’s blackmail

Hoelyne: GWESS

Nyoho: Annasui is that weird guy with fishnets, yeah?

GwessWho?: Yah

Nyoho: Small PSA: Fishnets are fucking terrible fashion, they need to fucking die. Diavolo looks like fucking shit in his “shirt” and “shirt” is an embarrasingly generous way to talk about that insult to clothing.

GwessWho?: NGL fishnets look ugly on anasui

SENTIANTPlankton: I like his outfit better than weather’s tbh

Heavy Weather: Hey!

SENTIANTPlankton: Not his fault you think a giant black onsie with a green crotch holder and slits down your chest is a good idea.

Hoelyne: Are you still wearing that GD ST Jail outfit wether?

Heavy Weather: No

Hoelyne: No kidding? What are you wearing now?

Heavy Weather: Yes

Hoelyne: What does that mean?

GwessWho?: It means he’s still wearing that onsie

Heavy Weather: IT’S NOT A ONSIE

SENTIANTPlankton: Then what is it?

Heavy Weather: A JUMPSUIT

I have no clue otherwise tho

GwessWho?: Then why are you wearing it?

Heavy Weather: Fine, I’ll find something better.

Hoelyne: Attaboy

Make sure it’s gucci

Heavy Weather: Gucci is expensive

Hoelyne: Don’t care

Also i better see you in some hot ass pants

[ Hot Pants joined The_Server ]

Bojack: Ay Hot Pants

Hot Pants: Johnny…

JurassicWorld: Nice to see you join too, luv,

Been waitin’ fer you ;)

Hot Pants: no

GwessWho?: Hot Pants…

Hot Pants: That’s my name

GwessWho?: You really be named Hot Pants…

Hot Pants: Problem?

GwessWho?: HOT PANTS

People be thinking Gwess is weird but your name is HOT PANTS

Hot Pants: So?

GwessWho?: Are you actually hot tho?

Bojack: She thicc, does that count?

Nyoho: I’M SORRY???

SHE!?

Bojack: Oh lol I forgot you didn’t know

GwessWho?: Lmao what?

Bojack: She’s a nun

Nyoho: ???

THE WHOLE TIME?

She was a woman the whole time

And you didn’t tell me because?

Hot Pants: He kept my secret

Bojack: It checks out, i kept YOUR secret

Nyoho: point

But you still hid the fact she was a girl

L’il Bomba: I kept being mistook for a girl but this guy can look like a guy while not actually being a guy?

Hot Pants: Don’t look at me

Nyoho: It’s maybe because there’s so many guys looking like gals that a gal looking like a guy who looks like a gal doesn’t seem out of the ordinary

Bojack: I only knew she was a woman when I grabbed her tits

Nyoho: JOHNNY YOU FUCKING

Nyoho: JOHNNY

SENTIENTPlankton: Ew

Nyoho: JOHNNY THAT’S AMAZING

What was it like grabbing a nun’s tits?

Bojack: I regret everything

Hot Pants: You better

JurassicWorld: Damn, i didn’t get any

Fuck you bruv this aint verry gucci you hear?

Gangstar: LMAO WHAT THE FUCK

Pucci: You grabbed the tits of a nun wtf?

Leone: @Gangstar unfunny bitch

Spicegirl: Oml stop derailing the convo with unfunny jabs at Giorno

It’s unfunnier than even his worst jokes

You literally have no reason to hate him

the devil himself: Hey Trish can i ask you something?

Spicegirl: No

Leone: You suck more diavolo

Spicegirl: NO

Leone: Suck my 

Big

Fat

ZipperMan: Aba if you say it i will get someone to kick you

Leone: Ok

Girono end yourself

Gangstar: Do it yourself

Oh wait you can’t, because if you do i’ll ban you from existence

Leone: Wait you can do that?

the devil himself: What do you think happened to me?

Leone: Oh oof

the devil himself: I still wanna ask tho

Spicegirl: Okay fine

Get it over with already

the devil himself: Why do you and trish keep calling eachother babe?

Spicegirl: Oh uuuuh

Hoelyne: LOL I KNOW WHAT’S COMING

Gangstar: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

Spicegirl: We’re dating

the devil himself: And now I fucking die one more time

Gangstar: Lol

Glad my curse still lives on even with it gone

the devil himself: It’s not gone, i’m calling it now, this is literally one of the deaths, but it’s taking it’s sweet ass time for once.

Spicegirl: Of course me dating gio is considered one of your deaths

the devil himself: It physically hurts me that my own flesh and blood is interacting with HIM

Spicegirl: Well we’re fucking ;)

the devil himself: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

Nyoho: LOL WHAT

GIORNO YOU PLAYER

Gangstar: Trish is lying

Spicegirl: Gio don’t ruin this!

Gangstar: Trish, you don’t joke about the rules we’ve established.

We don’t have sex until we’re BOTH 18.

Or at least when I get a vasectomy when I’m 18.

the devil himself: That… actually makes things better?

Gangstar: It’s lowkeye ngl

Trish stuck around passione after i dealt with you and… it happened.

It’s not even a real relationship, we’re just very close friends that are somehow lovers except not really?

Spicegirl: Gio you ruined it… i wanted him to suffer a little

Gangstar: For wanting to kill you?

GwessWho?: This nibba did what!?

Spicegirl: >nibba

GwessWho?: What reason?

I know i’m gonna laugh my ass of at this

the devil himself: ...condom broke

GwessWho?: CONDOME

BROKE

YOU KILLED HER BECAUSE SHE EXISTED?

OMG I LOVE THIS

Hoelyne: NO DON’T LOVE THIS

the devil himself: I WANTED TO PRESERVE MY IDENTITY OKAY?!

But i obviously don’t need to do that now ofc, so i kinda need to make it up to her by trying to be a good father.

Spicegirl: No

the devil himself: Just please

Doppio needs it to happen and I don’t want to disappoint that cinnamon role?

Spicegirl: Lmao you don’t care for me but you legit care for doppio!?

Get a life

Nutmeg: Soo uuuuh… there’s a chance diavolo might not be your father

Hoelyne: That sounds dumb you nutter

Spicegirl: A dna test proves otherwise 

Nutmeg: Nah, let me do my thing, allright?

Was your split personality thing before or after the condom broke?

the devil himself: … 

A few months after

Nutmeg: Doppio is the dad, thank you thank you

Hoelyne: What the fuck does this shit mean you yee yee ass dummy ass?

Nutmeg: Wha?

Hoelyne: Doppio is fucking 16 you bowlcut wearing headass.

You can’t nut in anything and you saying a 16 year old has a 15 year old daughter, what drugs are you on and did diavolo send them to you?

Nutmeg: But…

Hoelyne: But nothing you yee yee ass

It makes legit no sense

KissofDeath: I mean wouldn’t it make more sense for diavolo to be the original personality because he’s the older?

Nutmeg: It doesn’t work like that!

I’m the one majoring in pshycology here

Hoelyne: That degree is really showing,

Must explain how you managed to get the message that yasuho can’t stand your advances and OH WAIT YOU FUCKING CAN’T.

Gaps: As crude as she puts it, you are terrible at reading people ngl

Nutmeg: Fuck you JOSUKE!

This is why i find you annoying

Gaps: I go by gappy here to avoid confusion

Hoelyne: If gappy is annoying then you’re the worst possible synonyme 

Nutmeg: DIAVOLO!

Back me up here! You can confirm???

the devil himself: Rather not confirm or deny rn, i’m just enjoying the show.

Nutmeg: Heck you

Hoelyne: Fuck you

Mr. Slut: LOL!

Hey little miss hoe pissy pants, why is anasui you’re blackmail?

Hoelyne: >Pissy pants

That’s just juvanile

Mr. Slut: That’s juvenile even after all her profanity during that beautiful joshu sucks speech?

Don’t make me laugh

Hoelyne: Fuck you DIO

GwessWho?: I’ll invite anasui tomorrow, it’s gonna be hoot

Hoelyne: GWESS NO

KissofDeath: Wait, are you telling me you invited Gwess just so she won’t invite anasui?

Like you didn’t invite him to begin with

Bojack: Jonathan prolly didn’t invite him because he thought i was gonna do it

It was epic while it lasted

entire fucking horse: What’s epic is my gun

Hoelyne: Dude whut

Bojack: What

entire fucking horse: The emperor is a really good stand

Hoelyne: Uuuuh okay?

[ ThornyNHorny joined The_Server ]

Hoelyne: WHAT

ThornyNHorny: HI OLD ME

ThornyNHorny: HI YOUNG ME

OI JOSUKE: OLD MAN JOSEPH???

ThornyNHorny: Hi josuke

Hoelyne: WE CAN INTERACT WITH BOTH!?

[ ThornyNHorny changed their name to OldNstillthorny ]

Hoelyne: HOLY SHIT

Does that mean my jotaro can join?

OldNstillthorny: Trust me, I’ve been keeping in touch, he’s VERY hard to find.

OI JOSUKE: Legit same, my Jotaro is nowhere to be found like, at all

Hoelyne: We get two josephs but only one jotaro? Lame

OceanMan: Cool it kiddo, one jotaro is still enough jotaro to go around.

It might be too much for you to STAND

Hoelyne: Pls

OceanMan: And that ladies and gentle idiots is why I’m a stick in the mud

Also wtf did you say? Can’t backread rn, helping my mom with chores and cooking

GwessWho?: HANDFUCKER JOESTAR HANDFUCKER JOESTAR

Hoelyne: What the fuck we already dealt with that?

GwessWho?: Oh I just decided to back read

Just “hand fucker joestar” lmao. Your fam is wack girl

Bojack: Wait I just realised...

If Kira took jotaro’s place in the family tree in my universe

You think…

GwessWho?:  Think what?

What are you thinking?

Bojack: An alternate version of your dad is kira

What does that make you?

Let that sink in

Hoelyne: OMG

Bojack: But I’m not sure you exist

OldNstillthorny: HOLY SHIT LMAO, MY GRANDSON IS A HAND FUCKER

Bojack: @Gaps you gonna confirm the existence of jolyne?

Gaps: No

Bojack: Why?

Gaps: Kira was single

And he was 29 when he died

Bojack: Wait, he fused with Josephume, right?

Does that mean you’re technically their gay kid a la giorno?

OldNstillthorny: This convo is putting so many uncomfortable images in my head and AND I DON’T LIKE IT

GwessWho?: Same

Gaps: IDK, Johnny

Bojack: If that’s the case, does that mean you’re jolyne’s counterpart?

Both of you lived in 2011

Gaps: Idk if i like that…

No offense Jolyne

Hoelyne: I go from having no balls to 4???

GwessWho?: FOUR BALLS WTF!?

Gaps: I have four balls

GwessWho?: WHY!?

Gaps: Fusion, kira’s corpse has no balls because they transferred over to josephume cujoh

Hoelyne: Wait cujoh is how my last name is spelt

OceanMan: Yare yare

Gaps: Oh shit…

Cavalier: Dafuq is our lives?

Why are we so messed up???

Also i lived BITCH

the devil himself: I just ordered myself some pizza, you can have some if you want trish.

Spicegirl: No

Okay what is it?

the devil himself: Four margarita, four chicken, four pepperoni and four veggie.

What you want?

Spicegirl: Pineapple

the devil himself: You’re tearing me apart

Hoelyne: Ngl pineapple on pizza is good, idk why people treat it as a food crime or why it’s recently treated as such

Spicegirl: I was being unironic with that 

And… can i eat it with doppio and not fucking see you ever during that time?

the devil himself: ….will you eat what I ordered?

Spicegirl: I mean those toppings are fine.

I’m a vanilla bitch so i can do margarita

Fuck peparoni tho

the devil himself: What you got against the best pizza topping

Spicegirl: Pork needs to fucking die that’s what

Pork is horrible

Avdol: It’s also haram

Spicegirl: Okay who are you?

Cavalier: My homie

GwessWho?: And who is this again?

I don’t know everyone

the devil himself: The turtle 

GwessWho?: That answers nothing

Gangstar: DIAVOLO YOU CAN’T TELL HIM THAT

Cavalier: Oh is this that italian joke again?

I can’t see the humour

the devil himself: You’re soul switches with a turtle

Cavalier: You’re not joking are you?

Gangstar: This legit happened

Cavalier: How?

GwessWho?: Legit what

the devil himself: Blame your stand

Cavalier: I decide to speak and i learn this, let me eat that pepperoni

the devil himself: Polenarref no

Cavalier: Polenarref won’t eat it

But depressednarref will

Funny Valentine: Dude don’t eat while depressed it’s not very gucci

Cavalier: I can and i will

Let me be delf sestructive

Funny Valentine: You’re poor spelling doesn’t help

Cavalier: Heck you

Hoelyne: Do it do it

Jolyne no

Also I remember eating pizza

It’s when I went to naples, I was super depressed at the time

I ate a lot, i wasted my fucking wallet and i became fat and it didn’t help my mood one bit

One plate at a time, one day at a time

Y’know, it’s one of unhealthiest ways to deal with depression

Put binge eating and drinking alongside masturbation 

Hoelyne: Masturbation? Unhealthy? Whaaaaat

Girl don’t tell me you masturbate to deal with depression and frustration on the regular?

Hoelyne: It’s just for pleasure and it’s not on the regular where’d you get that from?

GwessWho?: Can confirm

Hoelyne: GWESS

GwessWho?: You had the top bunk in Green Dolphin, i can literally HEAR your moans

Hoelyne: I fucking don’t moan while masturbating

GwessWho?: Bitch i know, it don’t lie

You do it whenever you can’t sleep, couldn't you do it quieter because i can’t sleep either hearing that so i just watch you do it because i have nothing else better to do.

And maybe i… y’know

Hoelyne: EW EW I NEEDED TO KNOW THAT!?

Bojack: WHAT

Nyoho: MADNESS

ThornyNHorny: MADWOMAN

KissofDeath: DAFUQ?

Jonathan: Oh dear

GwessWho?: The only downside is post orgasm i’m always hearing you moan sing some weeb shit half asleep 

ThornyNHorny: Which weeb shit?

GwessWho?: I don’t know

I don’t remember weeb speak.

ThornyNHorny: Wow, jolyne knows weeb songs?

Hoelyne: I don’t sing weeb songs

KissofDeath: Sure girl, sure.

Whatever you say.

ChilliManSoul: You know what’s a game  kino song?

KissofDeath: Akira not know

ChilliManSoul: GET UP TO ROCK GET UP TO BURN

Hoelyne: STAND UP WITH PRIDE THAT BURNS FOR YOUR DESIRE

YOU’RE A FUCKING WOMAN OF CULTURE I LOVE YOU

No hetero, romance is dead, sex is all that matters

Hoelyne: Ew no

ChilliManSoul: I wouldn’t have sex with you though

I prefer women who I don’t have a platonic relationship with

Y’know like hookers.

I can have sex with them and toss ‘em aside like a used wrapper

Hoelyne: Pls stop, i don’t to listen to you recount the amount of time you put that thing in  a vagoo, this is a proud christian server

Pucci: But not all of you are christian

Hoelyne: Jonathan is the owner and he’s christian.

He’s too good for this world

ChilliManSoul: Point taken

Mr. Slut: Oh btw

[ Mr. Slut changed their name to kingofTHEWORLD ]

kingofTHEWORLD: This is so much cooler

Hoelyne: DIO no.

kingofTHEWORLD: DIO YES

JurassicWorld: Dino

kingofTHEWORLD: SHUT

Jonathan: Can all of you please stop fighting?

GwessWho?: You know what?

I’m inviting anusui

Hoelyne: Gwess....

ThornyNHorny: So why did you not invite him before? He didn’t seem that bad ig??

William: I believe she has a good reason, i’m more curious on what that reason is

[ CumShooter2000 joined The_Server ]

William: Nevermind, I now know

Chapter Text

UltraGamer2020: OKAY WHAT THE FUCK

CumShooter200: Lol who is this tool

[ UltraGamer2020 changed their name to Kakyoin ]

Kakyoin: Ngl that joke got old fast, i’d rather not be seen that way.

Also wtf is that username?

CumShooter200: I thought it was awesome

Nyoho: So you’re annasui?

CumShooter200: Yeah and what’s it to you?

Nyoho: You’re still wearing fishnets?

CumShooter200: Why?

Hoelyne: OHOHOHOHO

CumShooter200: JOLYNE OMG! NICE TO SEE YOU!

Nyoho: FISHNETS ARE A FUCKING CRIME AGAINST THE ENTIRE WORLD OF FASHION! THEY ARE FUCKING TACKY, STUPID AND LOOK LIKE THEY STRAIGHT UP DO NOT BELONG!

WHOEVER POPULARISED IT SHOULD DIE IN A HOLE!

CumShooter200: Hey, i didn’t choose this outfit

It was Green Dolphin

Hoelyne: Bitch, that’s a fucking customised GD prison outfit, wether has his and you clearly did that to yourself.

CumShooter200: Aw jolyne.

Hoelyne: Don’t aw jolyne me.

Nyoho: I met some ugly looking mf’s during the steel ball run, but this one guy “oyakomova” from my fucking country of all places decided “what if i fishnet my entire body?” clearly that’s not a good fucking look combined with his pale ass white albino looking skin.

GwessWho?: Damn

KissofDeath: Yeah i can agree

Fishnets are ugly af

GwessWho?: Y’know, GD is a lot like a fucking school, customised outfits, romance drama, regular drama, suicide and mysteries around every corner.

Nyoho: So not like a fucking school, like a fucking magic school anime

Like Yu-Gi-Oh season 0

CumShooter200: Season 0 was fucking lit

Hoelyne: No it wasn’t

CumShooter200: Aw, i don’t like it when we disagree, can’t you like it?

Hoelyne: The manga was better

Also fuck your username

Bojack: What she said, it’s cringe

dumbass: Like loose a subcriber allready

ThornyNHorny: ALL of them

Numeg: Your username really is cumshooter2000 eh?

CumShooter200: YEAH SO!?

Numeg:  I’ma name that after my penis

CumShooter200: E P I C

Hoelyne: NOT EPIC

Numeg:  Like why haven’t i thought of that? 

Cavalier: I preferred “le pepe”

Numeg: Eh too fucking french.

CumShooter200: That’s not as cool as “cumshooter 2000”

PaisleyPark: pleeeeeeease don’t tell me that’s your name for your penis

ThornyNHorny : Jolyne i predict you’re typing this long just to say yare yare dawa

Hoelyne: You wanna know why you haven’t thought of it? It’s because you haven’t thought of anything your entire fucking life you nae nae ass wearing creepo

You have a nut themed stand but the only thing you can’t ever nut is in fucking yasuho and that’s cause you’re dumbass retarded spoilt brat rich kid that can’t take a fucking hint that she prefers fucking josuke over you.

Spicegirl: JOLYNE YOU MADWOMAN

ThornyNHorny : Lmao fuck

SENTIANTPlankton: WHAT THE FUCK GIRL

WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM I WANNA KNOW

CumShooter200:  DON’T BE MEAN TO MY DICK BUDDY

KissofDeath: SHUT THE FUCK UP ANASUI

“DICK BUDDY” ISN’T A WORD YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF USING DUMBASS

Hoelyne: It’s coming from his dumbass nae nae ass bowlcut, literally no one pulls of a bowlcut well unless you’re name is goro fucking majima and this bitch has the worst which yes, is saying  A LOT, like what the fuck is that?

How can you fuck up such a tacky boring ass haircut, it’s like you went mad with the razor thinking you’ll turn out like a cool ass punk kid or some shit but you got three fucking hinges it’s like a goddamn wig, i swear you’re bald underneath that single layer of dumbassery you call “hair”

Nyoho: Damn she really going HARD on this

Nutmeg: This is a personal attack

I DEMAND YOU STOP! 

Hoelyne: Your voice and dumbass bowtie makes me want to break away all your fucking teeth with a pilar put them in a bowl of cereal and straight razors, make you eat it whole and have you shit them all out as I wring your fucking kneck you annoying pathetic little excuse of a man, go take a bit fat fucking l and suck a dick alongside dio, pucci and your fucking possibly a deadbeat of a father I doubt he’s good to you anyway if he spoiled you shitless you dumbass.

You probably didn’t even suffer anything, meanwhile, I got set on fire, had multiple bones and limbs broken multiple fucking times, got set on fire and even died and what you do?

NOTHING you piece of wasted space with nothing better to do than be obnoxious you piss ass gaylord

PaisleyPark: Jolyne… i should call that poetry but it just feels

Hoelyne: Epic?

PaisleyPark: Nasty

Hoelyne: Yeah so? that bitch was a nasty ass anyway so it’s fitting

PaisleyPark: I don’t like Joshu much, but i still consider him a freind, a fucking creep for sure that weirds me out but still a friend.

That was really mean and you should NOT have gone THAT far.

Gaps: Guys, i think she threw the higasikata household into disarray with that speech

JOSHU SOILED HIMSELF AND THE CARPET OF HIS ENTIRE ROOM AND HE TOOK 18 FUCKING DOOKIES

Hoelyne: LOL

PaisleyPark: Oh my God!

KissofDeath: Wtf

CumShooter2000: Big F

Gaps: EVRYONE IS SCREAMING, THE ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD STINKS OF PISS AND SHIT

JOBIN IS CURSING LIKE A SAILOR

I CAN HEAR JOSHU’S SOBBING

PaisleyPark: I cannot believe i’m saying this about joshu but… poor guy

KissofDeath: Jolyne, wht the fuck got into you to say all that?

Hoelyne: Because he deserved it

KissofDeath: It sounds like a fucking lie

Hoelyne: I got my reasons you Cleopatra looking bitch

KissofDeath: Are you going off on me now?

Cause i fucking called you out on some bs?

Hoelyne: Oh shit hermes, I really dont need to do that to you or even ff now.

KissofDeath: Like don’t go off on anyone else please.

This isn’t a good look for you.

SENTIANTplankton: Yeah she right.

Dunno what to say jolyne, that was a shithead move and you can’t do that again.

Hoelyne: ...maybe

KissofDeath: I’m scared now

GwessWho?: I’m not gonna lie, i thought that was epic but i soiled myself outta fear

KissofDeath: Gwess what?

GwessWho?:  Hey, that girl fucking scared me shitless after stone free’s humanoid form showed itself and she ora ora’d me.

Girl you are proving that you got some issues

Hoelyne: Yeah you

KissofDeath: Jolyne…

Hoelyne:   Sorry

GwessWho?:  My entire cell isn’t stinking up thank God.

Hoelyne: Wait, you’re still in GD?

GwessWho?:  Yeah I am.

I didn’t breakout like the rest of you but the next thing i knew after the wolrd sped up was that it’s suddenly the year 2020? I have six months left?

Discord exists, youtube got an overhaul there were LOTS of assassins creed and,,, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO DEVIL MAY CRY!?

Hoelyne: It got a glow up

GwessWho?: A GLOW UP!? YOU CALL A PUNKASS EMO MAN A GLOW UP!? WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY DANTE! WHY IS HIS HAIR BLACK???? HE ISN’ EVEN FUNNY OR CHARMING HE’S EDGEY I HAAAAAAAAAAATE IT!

Hoelyne: That’s the reboot, not DMC5

GwessWho?: THERE’S ACTUALLY A DMC5!?

Hoelyne: The impossible game became possible

GwessWho?: Impossible???

Hoelyne: Yeah after the reboot you were looking at everyone thought a DMC5 would 100% not happen, but it happened.

GwessWho?: Oh my God, i’m going to check this out soon enough.

When I exit y’all better get me something to play it on be it PC or console.

Assuming you ARE out rn.

Hoelyne: Yeah we are lol.

We’re not even on the lamb. Heck FF died in GD but she’s out with us.

CumShooter2000: I’M SORRY???

I’M STILL IN GD!?

GwessWho?: He isn’t serving out his sentence lmao, he doesn’t even know he can leave at any time.

CumShooter2000: WAIT BUT… WHY DIDN’T THE PRISON TOLD ME!?

GwessWho?: I bribed the guards to do that because i thought it was gonna be sooo funny.

And now i got a sweet ass smartphone for my troubles.

I GOT WIFI AND I’M USING THE SHIT OUTTA DISCORD, YOUTUBE AND PINTEREST

Hoelyne: Oh God, she has a pinterest.

GwessWho?:  Yeah I have my interests, and I’m glad you share mine. 

Following you’re “cool art” board, kino tastes gurl.

Hoelyne: ANASUI DON’T DOWNLOAD PINTEREST

CumShooter200: Fine, i’ll get deviantart instead.

And i’ll leave GD

Hoelyne: Make sure you go shopping with weather

CumShooter200: Why him?

Hoelyne: He;s going shopping for some gucci, go trade that fucking nae nae ass miniskirt and fishnets for something gucci

KissofDeath: >nae nae ass

Jolyne don’t tell me this is slowly one of those moments

Hoelyne: But pls keep the hats tho, i think they look cool on you both no matter the outfit

KissofDeath: HELL YEAH

Hoelyne: Also i was only fooling, hermes, dont worry.

KissofDeath: Geez, i hope so.

Hoelyne: Also change that user, anasuie! GOD!

[ CumShooter200 changed their name to HolyDiver ]

Hoelyne: Eh, better.

--

dumbass: Chat fucking died

OI JOSUKE: Yeah lol, it was gonna happen, think it’s peaceful to some extent.

entire fucking horse: Can i take this time to talk to y’all about “milk a pepsi”?

Funny Valentine: NO!

dumbass: It’s the funny V!

Funny Valentine: NEVER!

NEVER MILK A PEPSI!

entire fucking horse: Why?

Funny Valentine: BECAUSE IT’S A CRIME AGAINST FOOD!

TRISH WAS RIGHT, ITS NOT PINEPPLE ON PIZZA!

IT’S FUCKING MILK AND PEPSI MIXED TOGETHER!

FUCKING TERRIBLE! A WARCRIME!

Hoelyne: WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK

Nutmeg: Is it good non alocholic depression drink?

We’re not leaving the bunker until the stink goes out and dad can’t let me drink alcohol yet.

Funny Valentine: IT DOESN’T MATTER

Also don’t drink when you’re depressed pls no

Nutmeg: Whatever BOOMER

Jolyne did a number on me

Funny Valentine: Fine

entire fucking horse: Milk a pepsi good

Nutmeg: I aint buying that, drinking regardless along as it doesn’t make me throw up

Funny Valentine: I have been to MULTIPLE universes and have met MULTIPLE Hol Horses

Some of them are the shittiest people i’ve seen, some are decent, some are even joestars like the kira in my universe.

But you know what they all have in common? THEY MIX MILK AND PEPSI TOGETHER LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!?

entire fucking horse: What do you have against milk and pepsi?

They’re both good.

Funny Valentine: NOT TOGETHER

entire fucking horse: Oh?

Funny Valentine: Milk is good with your toast and eggs or your cereal.

Kira: Orange is better with eggs and toast

Funny Valentine: Shut 

And pepsi is good with your mcdonalds burger and fries

They’re both amazing but they’re both great things that don’t go together

Avdol: >mcdonalds

Make that KFC

Screw mcdonalds

Funny Valentine: Is it because of haram or…?

Avdol: Duh it’s haram

Cavaliar: Avdol, you’re a muslim?

Avdol: Yes, i thought it was obvious?

Cavaliar: But you’re not arab.

You’re egyptian

Avdol: And so aren’t pakistanis or indians.

Also tell that to native caucasion german converts.

And egypt’s state realigion is islam

And my name is Muhammad Avdol

Cavalier: But Av, my man.

You’re a fortune teller?

OldNstillThorny: Yeah, avdol is muslim and no he doesn’t go to mcdonalds when he dies.

That’s a myth a cooked up when i was horny and thorny towards muslims

ThornyNHorny: HEY! I don’t stand by that or meant it.

OldNstillThorny: Whatever you say millenial me :)

Avdol: So, Polenarref?

Cavalier: I thought muslims don’t believe in luck and therefore fortune telling?

So?

Avdol: Is that all you have to say?

You’re not giving me an answer?

OldNstillThorny: What polenarref? Islamaphobic?

Cavalier: DUDE! WHY ARE YOU INSINUATING A THING!

I’M CATHIC.

Pucci: CATHOLIC SQUAD

Avdol: So as a fellow theist I respect you and your religion.

Heck we’re buds and it changes nothing, i’m just confused i haven’t known this until mw.

Pucci: Catholic priest

Hoelyne: More like molester

Pucci: Jolyne pls don’t

Hoelyne: C’mon we all know that’s pucci

Pucci: It really isn’t

Hoelyne: How?

Pucci: I adopted emporio

KissofDeath: WAIT WHAT?!

Hoelyne: THAT’S THREE KINDS OF WRONG

DON’T TELL ME

Pucci: Jolyne, i’m redeemed.

Hoelyne: Redeemed from being a pedo?

Pucci: I was never a pedo

kingofTHEWORLD: All my man pucci here could think about was me and attaining heaven

Also wtf why are adopting?

Pucci: I wanted to make it up to emporio

Hoelyne: Oh what a good way to make it up to a boy who’d mother you killed with your white snake, who you also traumatised by killing US and you even attempted to fucking murder him like a creep only for HIM to kill YOU.

Pucci: It took us two weeks to sort things out.

He’s actually pretty chill now that we’ve gotten to know each other.

We back each other cookies

Jonathan: I am happy to hear everything is going well with your redemption mr pucci :D

Hoelyne: NO! 

Pucci: Why?

Hoelyne: I mean, I WANTED to adopt that kid. He has been through a lot and hell no is he staying with you.

Pucci: Look, I haven't forced him to be christian, he’s still him don’t worry.

He’s getting an education, some nice meals and he’s on the baseball team.

OI JOSUKE: Okay wtf you’re 19 and you wanted to adopt him?

Gangstar: Buccelati intensifies cough cough

Hoelyne: UH YEAH!

KissofDeath: Why?

Aren’t you like a big sister to him already, you don’t have to be his mom.

SENTIANTplankton: Yeah, you’re allowed to take the dude in, but not adopt him.

I mean you’re mom can prolly do that for you.

You still live with your mom, right?

Hoelyne: Duh 

Gangstar: AHEM AHEM BUCELATTI!

kingofTHEWORLD: Piss bitch don’t tell me

YOU want to play mom?

You wanna be a better parent than your pappy? Out single parent your single parent?

Make up for all the pent up daddy issues?

Hoelyne: UH NO

FUCK YOU NAE NAE CRINGE ASS VAMPIRE MAN

SUCK ON A TWIG

kingofTHEWORLD: Hey, if you wanted a kid you can just simply get some sperm in your egg

Or are you simply scared of the touchy touchy or is it because you’re pro choice af

ThornyNHorny: DUDE

Hoelyne: Yeah, i am because as far as i’m concerned you should have been fucking aborted alongside fucking pucci 

Jonathan: Jolyne don’t

KissofDeath: GIRL WHAT

Pucci: WHAT

Hoelyne: Okay PEDO

KissofDeath: PLEASE

That was shitty of of DIO, but you’re still not in the right here

Pucci: I’m not a pedo

Hoelyne: That’s the joke!

Funny Valentine: Where is this joke, then?

Hoelyne: Fuck you unfunny valnetine

Fuck you pucci

Fuck you dio

Fuck you deigo

And fuck diavolo

Funny Valentine: WHAT DID I DO!?

Hoelyne: EXIST!

JOLYNE OUT! BE BACK IN THE MORNING

MIDDLE FUCKING FINGER

Funny Valentine: There’s something wrong with that girl

OceanMan: I hope i haven’t raised her to be like that

KissofDeath: Beleive me you haven’t

She wasn’t as… explosive as this back in our time.

Bojack: Today she literally said she wasn’t gonna go ham

And she went ham

KissofDeath: There is a lot she has repressed with pucci, it did feel VERY fucking angry even then.

Nyoho: She’s got issues is what she has.

Bojack: Whatever, we kinda need to know what’s up.

[ Noris4ke has joined The_Server ]

Noris4ke: I read all this shit on josuke’s phone

What the fuck is wrong with this place?