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“So, I heard you pussy-footed Lotuses are having a pizza party. What’s up with this piss poor excuse for food. You should have caviar and truffles on it. Instead, you’re so poor you can only afford pizzas with cockroaches on them,” Wen Chao points at a chili pepperoni pizza with Wei Ying the Lotus fraternity’s pet cockroach on it and laughs. Damn, does it feel good to be rich.
The cockroach, however, remembers loyalty and has a motto of “always remembering the good done for you,” and the Lotus frat boys have always treated him well by giving him his own portion of pizza, beer and whatever food and drinks Wei Ying wants. The frat’s unofficial rule is if Wei Ying touches it it’s his. Wei Ying could not help but be touched by their generosity.
Therefore, he decides to help the Lotus frat boys by taking care of this party-crasher by doing what a roach is supposed to do. Terrorize people.
And with just a flap of its wings, Wei Ying the cockroach sends everyone screaming and running away in panic to get away from a cockroach’s path.
One thing to describe Wen Chao is he’s as cowardly as his father is rich.
“Wen Zhuliu! What are you doing?! Come and kill that cockroach already!” Wen Chao scurries off, hiding behind his bodyguard. He takes comfort in the fact he’s not the only one who screamed.
"Yes, master Wen Chao." Wen Zhuliu takes out a fly swatter from his bag to do his command.
Wen Zhuliu, a failed veterinarian, was hired by Wen Ruohan. Because of this, he became extremely loyal and became Wen Chao’s professional dog-kicker and pet-punisher whenever Wen Chao so much as points a finger at someone.
Eventually, under Wen Ruohan’s employ, Wen Zhuliu came to have other names. He became known as the dog-kicker, the breaker of pet bowls, protector of Wen Chao’s cowardice, the unleasher of leashes which causes people’s pet to be sent to the compound, destroyer of animal's innocence, and breaker of bike chains but most of all he was known as the pet-swatter hands. A very formidable one according to the testimonies of sad pet owners who had the misfortunes of their pets being targeted by the Wens.
Wei Ying the cockroach, however, is a fast cockroach. He zips out of the flyswatter’s path and keeps landing on Wen Chao’s head. Wen Chao screams and the flyswatter comes down on his head.
“I am sorry, young master,” says Wen Zhuliu.
“Not as when you will be when my father hears about this! If you don’t get that stupid roach you will pay Wen Zhuliu! And it will take form in your vacation leave!”
After hearing his vacation leave being threatened, Wen Zhuliu renews his effort in swatting the roach.
Wei Ying is strong for a roach but eventually even he becomes tired and is caught by the fly swatter in the hands of a formidable pest exterminator and pet bullier. Plus, he was drinking earlier from a beer can all for him so his coordination is still slightly affected.
Just as he’s about to be swatted however a hero comes from the throng of frat students in easily-dirtied-white clothes and sporting luxurious antenna bangs that look like they could easily get into a bowl of whatever foodstuff you're eating but not for this person because he's simply too graceful, the popular neatfreak and teacher's pet, Lan Wangji.
”What is he doing at this party?” someone asks from the crowd, as he literally came out of nowhere and isn’t even a member of the Lotus or Yunmengjiang fraternity.
“Killing is forbidden,” says Lan Wangji as he shields Wei Ying the cockroach’s from the view of Wen Zhuliu. It looks very touching like how the main lead would shield the girl he likes in a drama or how an intimate brother would shield a fellow intimate brother in a wuxia film.
Others look at Lan Wangji in disbelief, even though they know the Lan frat boys take their vows seriously, but the rules come from olden times! And even cockroaches are spared? Truly a saint!
Even Wen Chao is not brave enough nor stupid to face off against Lan Wangji so he calls Wen Zhuliu back.
“I swear! My father will hear about this! Enjoy your nasty pizza party while it lasts!” Wen Chao throws an angry glance at the cockroach but when it spreads its wings threateningly Wen Chao shrieks and runs away.
After he leaves, Lan Wangji turns towards the Yunmengjiang frat.
“Dirtiness is also forbidden,” Lan Zhan’s nose wrinkles at the Yunmeng Jiang frat’s house. The biggest culprit is, of course, the cockroach which, now that Wen Chao is gone, lands on top of the spicy pizza and happily munches on the mozzarella. That pizza is Wei Ying’s now.
Since the others can not stomach the spicy pizza except for their president, Jiang Cheng, the spoilt pizza is no loss to them. Plus, they also got to see Wen Chao harassed by a cockroach so Wei Ying upgrades in their eyes from just a pest to a pest who can pester Wen Chao. Still, they wouldn't get too close to him. Nothing much is scarier than a cockroach in flight. You can always imagine they will land on you.
Hey! I’m not dirty ! Wei Wuxian wants to complain when he feels he’s being grabbed and trapped in strong hands. Why can’t he be left alone to eat his spicy, chilli pizza in peace, the cockroach clicks noisily, the sound of which makes the rest of the frat uneasy.
The cockroach's wings beat furiously inside the closed fists but no matter what this human wouldn't let him go! Was this human not like the rest -except Jiang Cheng but still even he is disgusted at times by by Wei Ying the cockroach and forbidden him to eat from the frat members’ cups and plates - and didn't mind Wei Ying.
Jiang Cheng panics thinking Lan Wangji is going to throw the cockroach -pets were banned - but he tries to calm down. After all, as the frat head, he shouldn't let the members of his own frat and another to see his concern over just a cockroach. Please. He has more pride than that. He also doesn’t want to feed into the rumour that his number one best friend in the school is a cockroach.
“Second Master Lan, sorry to be blunt. But no matter if Wei Ying is right or wrong he is part of my Yunmeng clan, even if he were to be held accountable, his punishment is none of your Gusu Lan’s sect business.”
“I am the discipline officer.”
So much for calmness. Jiang Cheng tries the true and tested way which always works for him.
“Hey! Don’t you dare take Wei Ying away!” Jiang Cheng shouts when he sees Lan Wangji about to leave while taking the cockroach with him. Is Wei Ying dead? Not that I care for a stupid roach. Good riddance. But who else aside from me will finish the spicy pizza now?
“He belongs to the Yunmeng Jiang frat! What do you Gusulan frat boys have anything to do with how we run things?”
“Dirtiness is forbidden.”
“Yeah, well this isn’t the Cloud Recesses, or do you want to bring this matter up to the principal?”
There is a standoff between the Vice President of Gusulan frat and the President of Yunmengjiang frat.
Wei Ying, who’s gotten tired of escaping just settles lazily in the palm of Lan Wangji’s hand. After all, the hand is so soft and no one else is willing for Wei Ying to park his cockroachy ass on theirs even Jiang Cheng unless he has gloves on.
Finally, Lan Zhan lets the cockroach go. The cockroach speeds away to hide behind Jiang Cheng’s back, by landing on his back
Ordinarily, Jiang Cheng would have been disgusted by such clinginess by a roach but he lets it be. He has other shirts of this colour anyway if he wants to burn this one from contamination.
Lan Zhan glares disapprovingly at Jiang Cheng, or probably the roach behind him, or maybe at the both of them.
The cockroach's antenna could be seen peeking from behind Jiang Cheng’s shoulder.
“Tsk, don’t you have a tea ceremony or some fuddy-duddy oratory club to go to. Stop crashing our pizza party.”
"I will leave," Lan Zhan says, "Because it is almost curfew."
Everyone's face drops. The time is still a quarter to nine!
++++
“Wait’ll I get my hands on those Lotus suckers !” Wen Chao screams to the night because he's already done with homework.
“Wen Zhuliu!”
“Yes, young master.”
“Kick that puppy! I’m very annoyed looking at its eyes.”
“Very well, young master.”
Wen Zhuliu kicks the puppy which yelps piteously. The puppy then turns around and begins running ferociously after what it deems as the weaker of the two, which is Wen Chao.
Wen Chao gets chased around the neighbourhood. A reason why he's still thin after always gorging himself on luxury food on his father's fat wallet all the time is that he's fast on his feet when it comes to running away. It's the only sport he's good at.
After managing to give the slip to the puppy which had chased him four blocks down, Wen Chao pants but his face lights up.
“Wen Zhuliu, I have a plan. Help me with the gasoline,” Wen Chao smirks.
++++
“What is this?”
The Yunmengjiang fraternity wakes up to the smell of gasoline, burning tinder and the awful cackling of someone who sounds demented.
“Fire! Fire!”
“Fucking Wen Chao is planning to do arson in Lotus Pier.”
The fuck -! Won’t he get expelled for that?”
“Does he look like he even cares?! Daddy dearest will just bribe some other school to enroll him in.”
“Damn! I wish I could get Wen Ruohan as my sugar daddy! Lucky Wen Chao!” exclaims one thirsty thot amidst all the clamours.
“ -- “
“Hold down your thirst, man!”
“But have you seen him in a red speedo?? I assure you, whoever will sell that speedo will be doing it for a good cause. My libido.”
“Why are you thinking about your libido while everything is on fire?!!” shrieks Jiang Cheng
“Because Wen Ruohan and the fire are both hot!” screeches the guy partly in pain because a burning part of the ceiling landed on his rump
"Quick! Someone smother the flames!"
They smack his rump to get rid of the fire.
"Nooo!! Only Wen Ruohan can spank me!"
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! If you don't shut up you'll have no ass to speak off or spank, so shut up!" shouts Jiang Cheng, honestly tired of this thirsty thot thirsting over Wen Ruohan since the semester almost started and even during an emergency. Wen Ruohan isn't even that good-looking, Jiang Cheng scowls. He couldn’t understand the appeal of Mr Ruohan.
“Okay, everyone. Done on your knees and crawl! On the floor.”
The smoke thankfully isn’t that strong but they still went down on the floor to be sure. Most people died from monoxide poisoning rather than from the heat in a burning building.
The smell of smoke alerts Wei Ying who was sleeping on top of his empty pizza box. No one dared to throw his makeshift bed of the night while he'd been dozing.
Wei Ying the cockroach sees his beloved Yunmeng fraternity burning. The cockroach’s eyes become red as he exits the house to find the culprits.
He finds Wen Chao outside laughing hysterically. Even if he’s not a human but he knows what Wen Chao has done is something unforgivable under their law. So he has no problems getting rid of this human pest.
Wei Ying flies menacingly in the air (it’s quite easy if one’s a cockroach) and while clicking a haunting tune that sounds like a dizi being played in a forest he calls forth allies.
From the kitchens, from the cabinets, from the tiny holes of the walls, from the bathrooms, and coming out of the sewers are millions of his kind. Many of them are the fat and juicy kinds. And white cockroaches, usually secretive because their exoskeletons are still too soft from their recent shedding, even answers to Wei Ying's call.
Waves after waves of undead cockroaches come out of their grave until there becomes a whole swarm of them blanketing the cloudy skies above the college grounds. They come like omens. Like the locusts from the seven plagues in the bible, except they were cockroaches
Some religious nuts even think it’s the end of the world, that this is the sign of the apocalypse and start praying.
The necromancer cockroach commands his army of the undead roaches to surround the two Wens who stand stiff thinking they’re in a alcohol-induced bad dream.
Wei Ying the cockroach directs and with a crickling of his forelegs to create a clicking sound he orders them to swarm towards Wen Chao.
Wen Chao shrieks as the horde of a million undead cockroaches, some with ants and maggots on them swarm around him until he couldn’t see the sky but he could catch a glimpse of tiny, red ominous eyes from the master cockroach behind this.
Wen Chao.
We meet again.
I told you that I would come back for you, the cockroach says threateningly to the pale-faced snot.
For some reason, Wen Chao can hear the cockroach’s thoughts as if they were said directly into his mind. He whimpers. He hasn’t even taken a dose yet of his anti-hallucination medicine.
Animal-swatter hands Pet-swatter and Puppy-kicker do you really think that you can save his pathetic life from me?
“Better die trying or else I’ll lose my job,” Wen Zhuliu declares and runs towards the head of the swarming cockroaches.
The cockroach raises one of its many legs and suddenly the other cockroaches gather around Wen Zhuliu’s body, lifting him up from the strength of their numbers of beating wings.
What a loyal dog, you’re even more loyal that the chihuahua you kicked last week, says Wei Ying the roach.
The chihuahua in question went to another owner when it realized its owner wasn’t strong enough to protect it from the puppy-kicker feet.
“The debt of gratitude I owe to Clan Leader for his recognition after I failed my board exam and for making me something to be feared must be repaid.”
Your debt?
Why is that your debt has to be repaid at the expense of others? At the expense of college students and their pets?
The cockroaches lift Wen Zhuliu off the ground and then smother his breathing, covering his mouth and nose until he stops breathing. They release him back to the ground, on his unconscious body is a pained grimace.
Nobody wants to be smothered by cockroaches. Even someone who kicks puppies because their snot of a boss’s son says so. Wen Zhuliu, before he faints, consoles himself with the fact that at least he has health insurance.
“Y-you...lay a finger on me and my father will never let you off! He has a Swiss bank account so you can be sure he’s rich!” Wen Chao says when he sees Wen Zhulius’ body collapsing. He backs away and screams louder when he sees the swarm of cockroaches now heading towards him.
“I'll have you crushed like a bug!”
“I'll pluck your wings like the little roach you are!”
“I'll have my father call the best pest extermination team!” Wen Chao shouts but his cries are muffled by millions of cockroaches. One goes under his molar and Wen Chao accidentally crushes it tasting the juiciness.
None of these insults means anything to Wei Ying of course. Pest extermination teams have a reason to fear him.
Thousands of cockroaches bite Wen Chao who screams and faints.
Meanwhile one of the Yunmenjiang frat boys takes a video of almost the entire thing and later posts it on instagram and twitter, facebook, tumblr and tiktok because he’s a social media whore.
The barrages of comments come in:
Wow, sucks to be that dude.
What a terrifying cockroach! I could almost hear it threatening that piece of douche
Is this for drama?
Wow the cg looks so realistic
Wait isn’t that my school :o
Wth my school is burning
Does this mean no classes tomorrow? yeahh :D
Props to the drama club for making a realistic shooting
But why th cockroach???
Whos stupid idea is this
Is the main character a cockroach???
Who da sick fuck wrote this??
C grade movie! C grade movie
hahaha bitch tried to burn down the house got mobbed by cockroaches.
Serves that dick wen chao right
Yeah and that bitch slave of his wen zhuliu
Im so happy and jumping around in joy1!!! finally karma! I had to come home and see me pet kicked to the sidewalk :(
Is it that chihuahua
Damn puppy kicker
Damn that idiot wen chao for ordering him
Wow thats a lot of hate comments for this guy
well you dont know wen chao
Actually better you dont..
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It’s a good day, the student thinks as he watches the views and likes go up.
++++
Later, Wei Ying becomes an honorary member of the Yunmengjiang fraternity, the only pest and animal to have done so.
There are many advantages like all-he-could-drink alcohol -as soon as he touches one the other members willingly give it to him - and free spicy pizza. All he can eat. The entire table is like his free-for-all buffet. He’s already had something like this before but now there are more people willing to offer their pizza and beer like tributes to the hero of a football game.
Too bad there aren’t a lot of girls who can visit the fraternity though, as most of the members here are in single-dog hell. However, they all run away screaming whenever he goes near, regardless.
So he always lands on Lan Zhan, since he knows the human wouldn't kill him due to the ‘no killing’ rule. Apparently, it also applies to pests and cockroaches. Wei Ying supposes he should be thankful that Lan Zhan’s religion believes in reincarnation because no normal guy wouldn’t kill a cockroach just because he thinks it holds the spirit of a reincarnated human. As far as Wei Ying knows, he’s always been a cockroach. Lan Zhan looks to be the type to live in a temple too.
Lan Zhan watches as Wei Ying flies happily around the house during an open-house party. The roach has become more accepted since the last he’s here. Lan Zhan is happy when the roach flits around and even settles on his shoulder from time to time getting more used to the long-haired nerd.
Lan Zhan is fine with that.
He wishes, however, that in Wei Wuxian’s next reincarnation, he would at least become human.
Afterall, it’s hard for your object of your affection and your past lifetime’s husband to be a cockroach.
Can they still even practice dual cultivation together?