what are you thinking about?

hi~
i fell in love with this prompt the first time i saw it. to the person who submitted the prompt - i really hope i did your lovely idea justice. i tried to stick with the theme of confessions and truth and give it a warm, wintery, christmas kind of feel. i hope it makes you happy :)
i've never written for a challenge before, and i feel so happy to have done so. you guys might know me from twitter, @cantbeuntied. i've worked hard on this fic from the beginning and i'm proud of it!
thank you for reading and thank you for the mods for this challenge~

Work Text:

Jinki pulls a thread from his Christmas jumper nervously.

He looks down at his fingers: his hands are still stained a slight purple from the afternoon's recent potion, and the last traces of magic are finally fading from his skin. He's always busier during the holidays, especially the winter. People wanted romantic potions at this time of year. Love potions, truth serums... his spells were in high demand in December. He'd only just managed to clean up his cauldron in time for Jonghyun's arrival.

Jonghyun... Jinki blinks at his reflection in the living room window. He sighs at the slight flush in his cheeks and the way he keeps picking at his silly Christmas jumper, the old wool coming undone under his trembling fingers.

It's ridiculous, really, he thinks. He sees Jonghyun all of the time. They meet for coffee, they laugh over movies in Jonghyun's small living room, and they call almost every day. So why does he feel nervous every single time they see each other? They've been friends since they were children, so how can Jonghyun still make him feel so flustered? Why is he standing there at the window, waiting for a flash of car lights that signal Jonghyun's arrival?

Still, Jinki thinks, imagining Jonghyun smiling on his doorstep. Still, it's worth it. If it means staying Jonghyun's friend forever, he can keep his feelings deep inside the same way he keeps his magic under his skin. He's managed it for decades, after all.

Snow falls against the window in small flakes and slips down the glass. Through the darkness, Jinki spots headlights, and his heart rate quickens when he hears Jonghyun's car pull into the driveway. He races to the door, his palms sweating, and then stands casually as if he hadn't just tripped over his own feet in his haste to get there.

When he pulls the door open, a blast of cold winter air hits him, but Jinki doesn't feel the chill for long. Jonghyun wraps his arms around Jinki tightly, and tucks his head under Jinki's chin. Jinki grins easily and hugs back, warm in his friend's embrace.

Jonghyun's arms always make him feel at home.

"Hey, stranger." Jonghyun says with narrowed eyes when they pull apart. His face is close to Jinki's, and the door is still open, so Jonghyun's hair ruffles a little in the breeze. Jinki gulps. "How many years has it been?"

"I saw you last month." Jinki grumbles, though there's still a smile in his crinkled eyes. "I've been busy."

"Does the coffee shop really get that busy?" (Jinki internally cringes. He didn't work at a coffee shop, but it wasn't exactly a lie. He did make coffee, occasionally, for himself). "Or have you found something else to occupy your time?"

Jinki blinks at him.

"Or someone? "

Jonghyun is smiling, teasingly. His hand on Jinki's arm is light and casual. But there's a hard glint in his eyes.

They look at each other for a long time, Jonghyun's gaze pleading say no and Jinki's saying there's never anyone but you. Jinki ducks his head first and closes the door behind Jonghyun, momentarily in his space. Jonghyun smells like winter and something achingly familiar. Jinki tries not to lose his breath.

"Nah." Jinki smiles a small smile to himself. "You know chicken is my one true love."

"Oh, really?"

"Always."

They grin at each other. The moment is gone easily - they never talk about the unspoken things.

"I missed you, hyung," Jonghyun mumbles, and then to save his embarrassment he turns quickly towards the kitchen, "I'll go make us hot cocoa, make yourself comfortable."

Jinki's so dazed with happiness that he forgets there's a truth serum sitting on the counter that he'd meant to put in the cupboard. He still doesn't remember even when they're sitting on the carpet, cross legged by the fire with hot mugs in their laps. For the first time Jinki notices the small bag by Jonghyun's feet.

"Gifts!" Jinki exclaims happily.

Jonghyun rummages inside of the bag, pulling out the hastily wrapped gift with a proud smile. For a moment, Jinki is struck by utterly adorable Jonghyun is, with his big grin and his messy hair and his cheeks that are stained red from the cold.

"Open it then!"

Jinki peels away the wrapping paper, pulling apart the layers of cellotape. A dark blue scarf falls into his lap. It's soft to the touch, the wool warm and rich under his fingertips.

"It's pretty." Jinki's voice is low and sincere.

"Put it on, put it on-"

"But isn't it a little warm in here?" Jinki asks, cheekily.

"Hyung!"

Jonghyun reaches forward. His hands move slowly as he drapes the scarf over Jinki's neck and ties it loosely, his fingers brushing the skin of Jinki's neck. The moment moves in slow motion for Jinki, a few seconds of warm tenderness that makes the tips of his ears turn bright pink.

"There!" Jonghyun says, softly. "Perfect."

"Ah," Jinki places one hand on the scarf, "Thanks, Jonghyunnie."

"Merry Christmas, Jinki hyung."

Silence falls like a warm blanket. Sitting close to his best friend by the fire is like a hazy dream to Jinki. He can see the fire casting a orange glow on Jonghyun's face, the sparks flickering in Jonghyun's eyes. He can feel the scarf resting comfortably on his neck, the ghost of Jonghyun's hands still lingering there. But the moment feels distant and far away. It's a scene too good to be true.

He almost wants to cast a spell on the moment and keep them in this happy bubble forever. Jinki takes a drink of hot chocolate, sweet and warm, and the cream makes a little line above his top lip.

"What're you thinking so hard about?"

Jinki looks up, startled from his thoughts, and grins.

"Your gift," He declares.

He pulls the small Christmas bag from behind his back. There is a little dog wearing a Christmas hat printed on it, and it reminds Jinki of Jonghyun.

"Here you go!" Jinki's grin is proud and toothy. "What?"

One second Jonghyun is looking at him strangely, and the next he's leaning into Jinki's space. He runs the pad of his thumb over Jinki's top lip. Warmth swirls in Jinki's chest, his heart racing, his eyes wide as Jonghyun touches him.

"Got it." Jonghyun murmurs.

Jinki hides his nervousness by pulling a cute face, and Jonghyun's eyes crinkle with amusement before he takes the bag from Jinki. He peers inside and pulls out the little box of cookies with a curious smile.

"Cookies?"

"I made them!"

The small, round cookies have tiny drawings printed on them - all Christmas themed. Jinki had tried three times to make them nice. He'd finally perfected them and inserted just a little magic - a soothing spell. Jonghyun was always anxious about his songwriting, anxious about the future, anxious about many things. He hopes this small piece of comfort can bring a little joy to Jonghyun's days, even if just for a while.

"You did?"

"I did!"

Jonghyun stares at him for a moment in surprise, then bites into one with a quiet crunch. His face lights up, and he eats it quickly, while Jinki watches with a pleased glow in his chest.

He and Jinki have always fought for the position of biggest food lover. Since they were kids they've always loved eating together the most. The school canteen, their bedrooms, the food market. There's no greater feeling to either of them than the taste of good food and each other's company, knees occasionally knocking beneath the table.

"You like it?"

"I love it." Jonghyun says, his voice muffled through his mouthful of food, and Jinki can't contain the pride inside of him. "Seriously, how are these so good?"

"Did no one teach you to eat with your mouth shut?" Jinki reaches for a cookie, but Jonghyun slaps his hand away. "Gimme."

"No."

"Jonghyunnie-"

Jonghyun snatches the cookies away quickly.

"They're mine," He sings.

"I made them!"

"For me ."

Jonghyun holds the box high above his head, and Jinki scowls at him before leaping across to grab them. He doesn't aim well and ends up sprawled on top of Jonghyun instead, the box of cookies lying forgotten by the fire and the two of them lying on the carpet.

On top of Jonghyun, Jinki can see every flutter of his eyelashes, every line of his mouth. Jinki's heart twists, warmth and love curling in his stomach. It's too much to take in at once - Jonghyun's legs, gentle around his own, the small dark hairs curling by his forehead, the lovely, open smile in his eyes.

This is his best friend, the small boy who lived next door and liked to sing loudly on his way to school, the gentle boy who kissed Jinki's grazed knees when he fell in the park and, later, wrote songs late into the night when he was meant to be studying. Jinki has never loved him this much, and it almost hurts with it's intensity.

"Hyung," Jonghyun murmurs.

"Yeah?" Jinki croaks.

"You're so pretty."

Jinki blinks, momentarily speechless. Jonghyun flushes, looking almost as surprised as Jinki at his words.

"What?"

"Ah," Jonghyun's ears are pink, and Jinki fights the urge to touch one, "Ah, hyung-"

Jinki fumbles to his knees, his hands trembling. He quickly grabs their two mugs because he can't think of anything else to do. Jonghyun's mug is empty but his is still half full, yet he stands with them both anyway, flustered to the point where he can't even remember his own name.

"I'll just go-" Jinki gestures with the cups, which is definitely a bad move, because he spills hot cocoa on the carpet. "Fill these up."

"Jinki hyung-"

Jonghyun's hand reaches for him, but Jinki slips away easily.

It's only when he's in the kitchen that Jinki can finally breathe. Flustered, he spots his reflection in the kitchen mirror. The scarf looks good on him, sitting gently on his neck, the dark bringing out the colour in his eyes. He raises his hand and touches the scarf gently, feeling the rich fabric underneath his fingers.

He remembers Jonghyun placing the scarf around his neck, Jonghyun lying beneath him, and a wave of nervousness washes over him. How can he spend any more time around him, when his heart is beating loudly in his ears, and his legs still feel weak?

Warm arms wrap around Jinki's middle from behind.

Jonghyun's head rests gently on his shoulder, his hair tickling the sides of Jinki's neck. Jinki melts in Jonghyun's tight arms, as always. He surrenders to the warmth.

Jinki looks at the two of them in the window, his heart constricting at the sight of them wrapped together like this. Jonghyun is looking back at him. Their eyes meeting in the reflection, and Jinki feels a surge of magic inside of him, suffocating him.

"What are you thinking about?" Jonghyun murmurs, his voice low in Jinki's ear.

Jinki's heart races, his pulse thrumming so loudly in his ears that he's surprised Jonghyun can't hear it. For a moment, he contemplates telling the truth. I'm a witch. You make me happy. I want to kiss you. I love you. He struggles with it, the longing to be set free and the fear of Jonghyun being afraid of him. He has no idea how to reconcile the magic and the love inside of him.

The fear wins, of course, it always will. Jinki turns in Jonghyun's arms, stepping backwards against the counter, and Jonghyun's warmth leaves him. He picks up their mugs, but Jonghyun grabs his arms, and sets the mugs down carefully on the counter again.

"Do you know how often I ask you that?" Jonghyun asks, gently. He steps forward, practically trapping Jinki against the counter, and Jinki loses his breath. Sweetly, he brushes away some hair from Jinki's face. "Please, hyung, what are you thinking about?"

Jinki can't look up into Jonghyun's beautiful, open face. He can't meet his pretty eyes, he can't glance at the colour in his cheeks. He turns his face away, which is when he spots it, the small, empty bottle sitting on the counter.

Stains of purple still stick to the edges of the bottle, and traces of magic still sparkle on it's surface. Jinki blinks at it. Surely, not-

"Did you- did you add this to the hot cocoa?"

"Yeah, it's just some funky syrup you got from your coffee shop right? Nevermind that." Jonghyun's hand hovers by his face, then finally lands on his cheek. "I have something important to tell you."

Would it be right, to let Jonghyun tell him secrets, when it's not really by his own will? Jonghyun drank a truth serum. Jinki thinks if the situation was reversed, it would be his worst nightmare. They've always been comfortable with each other, happy in unspoken truths. Since they met in college, they've never talked in detail about their pasts, never revealed anything important, but they've been happy together. Jinki can't take it away from them, not against Jonghyun's will.

"I have something to tell you too." Jinki sighs. "Shall we go sit down?"

Sitting by the fire again, surrounded by Christmas lights and his best friend, Jinki supposes this isn't the worst place that he could tell Jonghyun the truth. Though his heart is aching with fear, and his hands keep fidgeting in his lap, he can't let Jonghyun tell him things he wouldn't usually. It wouldn't be right.

Jonghyun shifts forward. He presses their knees together, and takes Jinki's hands in his lap.

"Jinki hyung-"

"Let me go first." Jinki says. Jonghyun squeezes his hands tightly.

"Sure," Jonghyun smiles, "Anything for you."

The worst part is that Jinki knows Jonghyun means it. He gulps, nervous under Jonghyun's open, sincere gaze. He tries to hold onto this moment, the warm few seconds beside his best friend before he turns Jonghyun's world upside down.

"So," Jinki takes a deep breath. "I'm a witch."

Jonghyun blinks.

Jinki heart drops. He imagines Jonghyun getting to his feet and leaving.

"You're..." Jonghyun blinks at him again. "What?"

"I'm a witch." Jinki looks down at their hands, still intertwined together, and he wonders how long they'll be like that.

Jonghyun's eyes are wide, his mouth hanging open. Jinki's mouth quirks up into a small smile at his expression despite the nerves swirling in his chest.

"You're kidding?"

Jinki shakes his head.

"Really, hyung?" Jonghyun whines. "I was being serious, we were having a serious conversation-"

"I am serious."

"I don't believe you." Jonghyun pouts.

Jinki's fear fades, a little, looking into Jonghyun's face. This is his best friend, his best friend who calls him in the middle of the night when he's lonely, his best friend who laughs at all of Jinki's dumb jokes. Jonghyun's almost grumpy expression is familiar: it makes him comfortable.

"I'll show you."

Gently, Jinki snaps his fingers, and all of the lights go out.

There's a crash, and a scream. Jonghyun's hand leaves his own.

"What-" Jonghyun yells, and Jinki imagines him scrambling backwards in the dark. "What just happened?"

"I turned off the lights."

"Shit!" Jonghyun breathes hard, speaking loudly, "Was that magic? You're a witch ? What- shit. Are you- gonna kill me? "

It hurts. This is what Jinki had been afraid of. He smiles bitterly to himself - even to his best friend, he would always be a monster. Though Jinki has always been lighthearted, free, filled with soft, loving magic, underneath has always been a strong insecurity. He'd hidden himself away, and this is why.

"Of course not," He says quietly, "You're my best friend."

The silence is heavy. Jonghyun's breathing is slowing, but Jinki can't see him through the darkness. He wishes for a car to pass by and illuminate Jonghyun's face for a moment in it's headlights.

"I'm sorry," The words hurt, but Jinki forces them out. He's never usually this serious. "I'm sorry, I've always meant to tell you, ever since we were kids, I just didn't know how. I didn't... I didn't want you to be afraid of me. And we never talk about serious things, you know-"

Jinki can hear only Jonghyun's breaths, and his own painfully hard pulse.

All he can imagine on Jonghyun's face is disgust.

"Do you think I'm a monster?" Jinki whispers, and tears well up behind his eyes.

They're never this honest with each other. Jinki needs him to say no, no I don't like he needs to breathe. If they could only go back to normal - if they could only go back to their easy, simple friendship, with nothing dark or complicated waiting underneath.

"Do you?" Jinki whispers again.

After a few minutes of painful silence, Jonghyun finally speaks.

"Turn on the lights." His voice sounds strange. It's thick with an emotion Jinki can't decipher.

"What?"

"Turn on the lights, Jinki hyung."

Jinki snaps his shaking fingers.

There is no disgust on Jonghyun's face.

There's a red mark on his forehead - Jinki assumes it's from where he fell in the dark. He looks back at Jinki with wide, surprised eyes, but there's a small smile growing on his face. He stares at Jinki for a moment, and Jinki has never felt more exposed. He feels vulnerable in Jonghyun's company; for the first time, he's told Jonghyun something he can't easily take back. This is a moment he can't say it's just a joke, Jonghyunnie. It's...

It's freeing.

Jinki feels giddy with the urge to laugh, and laugh.

"'Course not." Jonghyun says, gruffly. He inches forward, and places his hands softly on Jinki's cheeks, his expression morphing into something loving and tender. "Course I don't think that. Stupid hyung."

"Really?" Jinki breathes.

Jonghyun runs a gentle thumb across Jinki's cheek.

"Nah," Jonghyun smiles, "Never. I would never- how could I think that, hm?"

Relief washes over Jinki like a wave. He gulps down a sudden lump in his throat.

"You? A witch?" Jonghyun giggles. "Of course you are. Of course you are! This is just typical."

Jinki lets a laugh bubble up in his throat too.

"Do you- make potions, and stuff?" Jonghyun's eyes start to sparkle. "Wait, that's so cool."

He doesn't hate me. He doesn't think I'm a monster. The realisation takes Jinki by surprise, and he blinks at Jonghyun, his smile fading into something different. He places his hand on top of Jonghyun's where it's resting on his cheek and feels his heart grow warm.

"Thank you." Jinki says, sincerely.

The tips of Jonghyun's ears go bright pink.

"I didn't do anything." Jonghyun ducks his head, and Jinki smiles.

"You did." Jinki sighs, and the tension loosens from his shoulders. "We're- okay, right?"

With his eyes downcast, his cheeks growing redder, Jonghyun mumbles something.

"What was that, Jonghyunnie?"

Jonghyun looks up, biting his lip the way he does when he's nervous.

"Hyung, I still have something to tell you, you know." He murmurs, but there's a determination in his face that Jinki has seen before. Jonghyun doesn't back down easily once he's made up his mind. "You told me a secret, it's only fair I tell you one too, right?"

"Jonghyun, don't." Jinki sighs. "You drank a truth serum. You put it in the hot chocolate. I'm sorry, it wouldn't be fair if I didn't tell you about that. Please don't do something you'll regret when it wears off."

"A- what- a truth potion?"

"Yeah-"

"I don't care." Jonghyun says, bluntly. "Fuck, I wouldn't be brave enough to tell you without it."

Jinki blinks at the stubborness in Jonghyun's eyes, mixed with fear and tenderness. He looks away, unable to meet a strong gaze like that for too long.

"Tell me what?" He asks quietly.

"Look at me." Jonghyun says firmly.

Looking into Jonghyun's face by the fire is almost too much. When he looks up, Jinki sees the reflection of the flames in Jonghyun's eyes, rising and flickering. He feels trapped in Jonghyun's gaze. Caught under a spell, almost. He wants to kiss him by the warmth of the fire, over and over and over-

"I meant to tell you since college," Jonghyun taps his finger against Jinki's cheek. "Hell, before college. We've never talked about serious stuff, you know. I always- I always wrote songs instead of just telling you that I-"

Jinki searches Jonghyun's eyes. He doesn't dare to think that Jonghyun feels the same way, but hope sparks in his chest anyway.

"You're my best friend in the whole world." Jonghyun says, sincerely. "You know that? You're the one person who has always been by my side. I'll always be beside you. No matter what, I'll always be here for you, hyung. Please believe that. So don't hide from me anymore, okay?"

Jonghyun presses their foreheads together, and his eyes flutter shut. Jinki can see every single one of his eyelashes.

"Please don't hide from me anymore." Jonghyun murmurs. "Please. And I won't hide from you, either. I'll tell you right now. I love you. I'm so in love with you. Every love song I wrote belongs to you."

Jinki loses his breath. He watches the tears slip down Jonghyun's cheeks.

"It feels so-"

"Freeing?" Jinki answers for him.

"Yeah."

Jinki pulls back a little. He grins at Jonghyun. There is nothing more precious to him than this moment - seeing Jonghyun vulnerable, free and in tears, his heart exposed in the warm living room. The both of them, seeing each other at last.

"Why are you smiling like that?" Jonghyun asks.

"I love you too, Jonghyunnie." Jinki grins. "God, I love you. It feels so good to say that."

Jonghyun covers his face with his hands. His shoulders shake with the force of his crying.

"We've been so stupid." Jinki laughs.

Gently, Jinki prises Jonghyun's hands away from his face. He brushes the tears away from Jonghyun's face tenderly.

"Don't cry," Jinki murmurs. He leans down and presses a gentle kiss to Jonghyun's mouth. "Stop crying now, hm? Should we get more hot chocolate? It's Christmas."

"Okay." Jonghyun's cheeks are pink, but he's smiling, his cheeks sparkling with tears. "No potions this time, though."

"Too soon." Jinki pouts. "Come on then-"

"One second."

Jinki is about to ask why when Jonghyun surges upwards and kisses him. He wraps his arms around Jinki's neck. His mouth is warm and insistent, and Jinki melts, coming undone. He thought he knew the meaning of magic - he's had it his whole life, after all. But this is real magic. Anything else pales in comparison.

"Ready now." Jonghyun smiles innocently, when he's pulled away, and Jinki doesn't mind putting up with the teasing glint in Jonghyun's eyes for the rest of his life.

♡

It's snowing outside.

Sunlight streams into living room, bright enough that Jinki stirs from his sleep. He opens his eyes, and it's snowing, slipping down the glass. It's magical, a little. But they'd forgotten to close the curtains, and now Jonghyun was waking from sleep, too, disturbed by the rising sun.

They hadn't meant to fall asleep on the sofa. They'd gone from hot chocolate to whiskey. Happy, giddy with the spirit of Christmas and the relief of confessed love, they'd lain intertwined on the sofa, cuddled up together as if they'd always been that way.

Someone, at some point, had fallen asleep, warm and at peace.

Now, Jonghyun's eyelashes flutter, and Jinki presses a gentle kiss to his boyfriend's forehead.

"Morning." Jonghyun murmurs, opening blurry eyes.

"Shh." Jinki whispers, "Go back to sleep, Jonghyunnie."

He waves a hand, and the curtains snap shut.

"Alright." Jonghyun mumbles, and curls into Jinki's chest.

Jinki rests a gentle hand in his hair. He combs his finger's through it, his heart fluttering with warmth and thoughts of the future. He hums a tune, magic sparking in the air, as snow falls outside.