Archive of Our Own

Billy’s sitting at Steve’s kitchen table again, one early morning during the last days of June.

“You know, I got a job as a lifeguard at the pool.” 

“Yeah?” Steve smiles. He’s wearing that (adorable) ridiculous sailor’s uniform he has to wear for Scoops. “That should fit you well, then?” 

Billy nods. “Yeah, I mean, I’m probably the best swimmer in this whole shitty town.” 

“Mhm. I’m glad you get to do something that makes you happy.” 

Billy smirks back, because what else can he do in the face of such world-shaking comments said as though they’re simple things? “Yeah, I mean, it’s great. I get to show of my abs all the time. And everyone has to listen to me.” 

Steve laughs. “Right, because that’s the only reason you applied for the job. Max told me you’re giving swimming lessons to little kids.” 

“Max doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” 

“Oh, come on. Admit it. You’re actually a big softie underneath all that.” He makes a sweeping gesture at Billy’s, well, everything. 

“In your dreams, Harrington.” 

Steve picks up a piece of cucumber and throws it at him. A few months ago, that would have probably made Billy shout or want to punch something. As it is now he only rolls his eyes and picks up a piece himself to throw back. It lands perfectly on the top of Steve’s ridiculously amazing hair. 

Since January these dinners at Steve’s have become a monthly occurrence. Sometimes more. Neil seemed to decide that he liked punishing Billy by not letting him eat, so at least once a month Billy ends up at Steve’s house. His parents are never home. And Steve’s not stupid. He has to know that Billy can’t possibly be losing his wallet once a month, but he never asks when Billy shows up at his house, hungry and tired, he just lets him in. They seem to have a routine going on for those nights. They cook together, then they watch a movie and eat, Billy sleeps over (he’s almost started to think of that guest room as his) and then they eat breakfast together in the morning before Steve drops Billy off at the end of Cherry Lane if Neil once again decided to take his car keys. 

After the first three times Billy showed up with money at the Arcade while they waited for Max and her friends to finish, but Steve refused it. Billy started saying something about not wanting to accept charity or pity but Steve had interrupted him. 

Your company’s payment enough. 

And if that didn’t make butterflies start to flutter in Billy’s stomach because fucking hell, Harrington, you can’t just say shit like that. Like it doesn’t mean the world to actually be wanted. But then again, maybe Steve is just so fucking lonely in that big house of his that he’d take anyone’s company. 

He’s not had any parties though, Billy’s treacherous heart pipes up, because if he’d had then Billy would have know. Perks of being the King of Hawkins High. Billy knows when and where every party is happening. From what he can tell Steve only hangs out with the kids and sometimes he’s seen him with Nancy and Jonathan. And then there’s these dinners and movie nights and breakfasts with Billy. 

He doesn’t think anyone else knows about them. They’re like a little sanctuary. 

Their relationship outside of these instances didn’t really change. They mostly ignored each other in school outside of basketball practice, although sometimes they’d share a cigarette pack while waiting for Max and the rest at the middle school or Arcade. 

And when Steve graduated, all the kids wanted to be there, so Billy drove Max and instead of leaving he waited outside for the ceremony to end. Then when it was over he saw Steve with the most well-dressed couple Billy had ever seen and he actually tried to catch his eye. And Steve noticed him and smiled, so Billy give a little wave and a smile of his own. 

“Alright, I need to get to Scoops. I promised Robin I’d open today. Come on, I’ll drop you off.” 

—

Now, the thing is, Billy likes attention. He craves positive attention like a fish craves water. He needs it to survive. And he misses his mom.

So what if he’s figured out he can get both from older women? So what if he’s not actually attracted to girls at all? He’s been with them before. Because they’re way safer than what he actually wants (what he actually wants right now may be dark eyes and dark hair and a kind smile and fuck, he’s got it bad for Steve Harrington but it’s not like Billy is used to getting what he wants) and afterward they’re soft and nice and Billy needs soft and nice things so he takes it where he can get it. 

And right now? 

That is with Hawkins Community Pool’s Mothers. 

Back in California, during his freshman year of high school, he once did it with one of his classmates’ mother. She was nice. She was experienced so she knew what to do and then she held him afterwards and stroked his hair and kissed his cheek when he left during the early hours of the morning. He doesn’t think she realised he’d just turned fifteen until she went to the high school and saw him talking to her kids - she had twins - and they introduced him to her as their classmate. She looked horrified, but after the initial shock wore of she was doing a good job hiding it. That same week she cornered him and apologised like crazy, and then she asked him if he was going to tell the police what she’d done. As though they hadn’t been two. As though Billy hadn’t chosen to follow her home after she invited him when she saw him on the beach. And okay, maybe Billy gets what she was on about, because he looks at Max and her friends and thinks that he was only just two years older and then he looks at the freshmen in school and they’re still kids, and he would never touch them even though he’s just two years above them. But then, Billy had only laughed and shook his head. Because no, why would he go to the police? She’d been nice and she’d put a plaster on his brow from where he’d cut himself when he knocked into the table when Neil had pushed him earlier that evening on his way to throw him out, and after they were done she’d held him and stroked his hair and hummed some happy song she’d heard on the radio and he’d fallen asleep listening to her and when she woke him up she’d kissed his cheek and then she’d done it again as he was leaving and it had reminded him so much of his mom that it had made him ache, and so what if he needed to kiss her and touch her in exchange for all that? It had been obvious she wasn’t getting any from her husband. He’d told her he didn’t mind helping her out ‘’cause she’d helped him out’, and that had made her look at him with this sad look in her eyes and then she’d avoided him until they were moving to Hawkins and she didn’t need to risk feeling guilty anymore because he wasn’t there. 

So yes, Billy likes the attention he gets from Hawkins mothers. He likes being admired and he likes being wanted, and that is exactly what their eyes say when he walks by. The only difference between these moms and Daniel and Kelly’s mom is that they know he’s their kids classmate, and sometimes he’s even a year under their kids. But they find him charming and hot so really, Billy just needs to find the one that seems the most motherly so he can get what he likes out of it as well. 

He ends up with Mrs Karen Wheeler. 

She’s not too old; after all, he’s seen her come to the pool with an actual little kid with her, but this also means that she has to at least have three kids because Nancy goes to school with him and she has a boy who’s friend with Max, so she knows how to take care of them because they all seem happy and well-adjusted enough. 

And he can tell that she’s really not getting anything from her husband. She’s so lonely Billy almost feels bad for her. But then she’s showing up in a new bathing suit and she’s trying to show both it and her body off to Billy and a small part actually feels a little disgusted because he’s seventeen damn it, what the fuck? but he smothers it down like he does with all the feelings he has but doesn’t like spending too much time thinking on. 

Still. 

“Looking good, Mrs. Wheeler! Karen.” 

And then he’s inviting her to a motel for Friday night and for a second he almost thinks she’ll refuse, that she realises how wrong it is to have sex with her daughter’s classmate, but then she’s distracted by how hot and charming he is and how lonely she is and he can see it in her eyes that she’s accepting. 

He wonders if she’s going to tell her friends, maybe brag to them; wonders if they’re trustworthy or if they’re backstabbing bitches that will turn on her as soon as it benefits them. 

It’s not like it really matters though. 

—

He’s heard some kids say that they hate it when he’s the lifeguard, but joke’s on them because Billy really is the best lifeguard in this town, his boss told him so, and he’ll be damned if he lets anyone get hurt on his watch. The kids just want to run around the wet slippery pool and then they want to eat ice cream and immediately jump back in, but Billy’s a strict asshole and he won’t let them fucking die. Especially since their parents aren’t paying any attention. The dads are busy hiding behind books or newspapers and the moms are either working on their tans or staring at Billy. He doesn’t care if some children think he’s being mean. They’re there to have fun, not to get hurt, and really, the small kids even seem to like him because he’s trying to teach them how to swim, and when he does that he keeps all his bitchy comments to himself because he genuinely enjoys showing them how to experience the happiness that comes from being in the water. Even if the water in this case is Hawkins community pool and not the actual ocean, where Billy learned how to swim and surf. 

So yeah, fuck the pre-teens; learn to follow the rules and they won’t have any problems. By now he’s been here long enough that he’s scared most of them enough that they’ve started doing so. 

“Billy?”

He turns down to look at Heather where she’s come up on the side of his chair for a second, before he’s back to looking out over the pool.

“Yeah?” 

“Mark called. He’s sick. And I have a thing with my parents, so I can’t take his shift. Can you? Otherwise we’ll have to close early.”

“Will I get paid for taking it?” 

He hears Heather laugh. “Probably. I mean, I got paid extra when I took Monica’s.” 

“Then sure.” 

It’s not until later, when he’s closed up and it’s started to rain and he’s getting all the pads for the sunbeds to take them inside when he sees his dad’s car that he realises his mistake. 

Billy was supposed to get Max from the Wheelers’ almost an hour ago. 

Fuck. 

Neil matches up to the gate and throws it open. Billy almost wishes he’d locked it, but then he would have had to go up to it and open it for his dad, and that actually sounds worse. 

“Billy!” 

He’s so screwed. 

“Yeah, dad?” He closes his eyes and holds tight to the pads in his hands. 

“So this is where you’ve been hanging out, huh? Look at me when I’m talking to you!” 

Billy opens his eyes to find his father standing right in front of him. Neil’s face is red, and Billy can almost see an angry vein going of in his temple. 

“I work here.” 

Neil shakes his head. “Oh no, don’t you dare get cheeky with me, boy! I only allowed you to get this job because you promised it wouldn’t interfere with your other duties.” 

“I’m sorry, Mark got sick so I had to-“

“I don’t want to hear your excuses. Only a coward tries to come up with excuses. But you’ve always been a coward, haven’t you, Billy? Now come on, we don’t need the entire neighbourhood hearing what a disappointment of a brother you are.” 

And then he’s grabbing Billy’s arm and pulling him along. The pads fall out of Billy’s grip and he thinks one of them almost lands in the pool. 

He thought Neil would be taking him back to his car, where he might shout some more and smack Billy around a little, but he’s taking him towards the staff rooms, and oh, god, that means that this is going to be worse than just a slap or two. 

Once they have a closed door between them and the rest of Hawkins, Neil doesn’t waste a second. He’s pushing Billy up against the wall with an arm against his neck and Billy gasps as his back hits it. 

“I had to go and pick Max up, Billy. That’s your job, as a good older brother. So imagine my shock when I get a call from a Mr. Wheeler asking if somebody would be coming to get Max or if he should drive her home. Naturally I asked him where the fuck you were, but he said you hadn’t shown. I try to teach you two things, Billy, two things you’re mother never managed to get in your head, and that is respect and responsibility and you fail at both of them. You don’t show me any respect by making me pick up Max, when that is your responsibility.” 

“Dad, I-I’m sorry, I forgot-“ He knows before he’s even finished saying it that it’s the wrong thing to say, but he has to say something, anything, because it’s starting to feel like he can’t breathe. 

“Oh, so you forgot your little sister?! You think that’s going to get you off the hook? You must be stupider than I thought!”

And now Neil’s letting him go, but he’s pushing Billy away from the wall. And Billy hadn’t had time to wipe the floors yet; they’re still wet and now Billy’s slipping. He hears more than feels his head connect with the floor, a strange clank sound, and then it’s all turning black. 

— 

When Billy opens his eyes, the first thing he hears is the sound of a car starting up and driving away from a short distance. It sounds like his dad’s car, but that doesn’t make any sense, because it doesn’t look anything like his house from where Billy’s lying. 

He tries to sit up, but he’s dizzy and then he’s nauseous. It’s not the first head wound he’s had - he guesses that’s what it is because he can feel something wet and warm leave a trail from his forehead down the side of his eye and his head feels like somebody just finished playing basketball with it - so he knows to breath through it and wait for it to pass.

Once the nausea has passed, he looks up and realises he’s at the pool. The floor underneath him is wet, so he figures he slipped. 

He can’t drive home like this. He’s going to crash his car if he tries, and Billy’s really not keen on dying. Especially not if that was his father’s car and he’s somehow behind this. 

But there’s a phone at the reception desk, and it’s only a few steps to get to the door and then to the desk. He can do it. He thinks. 

Slowly, slowly, he’s pushing himself up and then he’s leaning against the wall. The nausea’s back, though. He manages to stumble to the door without vomiting, which Billy counts as a win. Then he’s practically falling the rest of the way to the phone. He manages to pull it down to the floor with him. 

Now who to call?

It only takes him a minute. There’s not many people Billy could call and trust not to laugh at him and his clumsiness, but actually come and get him. There’s only one person, really. 

He puts in the number Steve gave him, the number Billy memorised even though he’s never used it, and waits for Steve to answer. 

“Hello?” 

“... Harrington?”

“Billy? Is that you?”

“Yeah...” 

“Are you drunk? Listen, man, I just go home and I’m tired, so if you’re prank calling or something than you can kindly just fuck off, alright? I’m not in the mood for any-“ 

“Steve.” Billy doesn’t know if it’s the use of his first name or if it’s because of how pitiful Billy’s voice sounds, but Harrington actually shuts up. “I think I hit my head. I shouldn’t drive. Can you come get me?”

There’s quiet on the other line so long Billy fears Steve’s hung up, but then finally he’s speaking again. He sounds frantic. 

“Y-Yeah, what the fuck, Hargrove, you hit your head? Where the hell are you?”

“The pool. I don’t think I should drive. Can you...?”

“Yeah, I’m coming, just stay where you are.” 

And then Steve’s hanging up the phone and Billy lets go off it. He slumps to the side and leans against the reception desk. 

He lies there looking at the rain for several minutes, just thinking about how much his head hurts, before his gaze falls on the phone. He thinks that he should call someone. Steve. 

So he reaches out for the phone and pushes Steve’s number in. There’s no answer and Billy feels like crying. Or hitting something. 

But just a few minutes later he hears a car pulling to a stop outside the gate. He hopes it’s not his dad. 

It isn’t. It’s Steve. 

He runs up to Billy as soon as he sees him and there’s a part of Billy that wants to reprimand him for running by the pool, but he’s too tired to bother. Steve can swim. He has his own pool. Billy can trust him not to be stupid like the kids. 

Steve stops right in front of Billy and drops down on his knees. He reaches out a hand to touch Billy’s head and Billy winces when he feels fingertips connect with what has to be a cut or something. He blinks up at him with a frown. 

“Steve? I called you?”

“Yeah, yeah you did, buddy.” Steve’s not really looking at him and that upsets Billy for some reason. He thinks of the phone that rang without being picked up. 

“But you didn’t answer. How did you get here so fast? I called you like, five minutes ago. And you didn’t answer.”

Now Steve’s looking at him, and he looks concerned but Billy can’t quite figure out why. 

“How many times did you call me, Billy?”

Billy frowns and tries to remember. He feels like he should care more that he can’t. “I... I don’t know.”

Steve sighs. “Okay, yeah, that settles it.” He starts to walk around Billy but stops. “Wait. Did you call anyone else?”

“No. No one else would have come.” And why the fuck did he say that? Now Steve’s looking at him with a strange look in his eyes that Billy’s to tired and in too much pain to try to figure out, and he’s opening his mouth like he wants to say something. But when no sound comes out he turns around and walks around the reception desk. He comes back to kneel down beside Billy with what Billy recognises as the First-Aid Kit. He gets out a piece of bandage or something and puts it in Billy’s hand. Then he’s lifting Billy’s hand and pressing the bandage against the cut on his forehead. Billy hisses and pulls away. Steve sighs. 

“Come on. You have to press it to stop the bleeding. ”

“But it hurts.”

Now Steve’s laughing but it sounds too high-pitched. It’s not like the laughs Billy’s managed to get out of him before. He wonders if he can only make him laugh right if it’s late in the evening or early morning and that’s why. “Yeah, no shit.”

Billy slowly lifts his hand back up and presses the bandage against his head. Steve gives a little smile and then he’s standing back up and going back around the desk with the kit. It takes him longer to come back this time. 

But once he’s back he’s reaching a hand out for Billy to grab and helping him up. A wave of dizziness hits him and he has to hold on to the desk not to fall back down. There’s a steady throbbing in his head. 

Steve waits a few seconds before taking hold of Billy’s arm and pulling it over his shoulders. He helps him from the desk and towards the gate, but then Billy’s eyes fall on the pads. They’re wet and two of them are halfway in the pool. 

“Wait.” 

“What? What is it? Are you gonna pass out? Throw up?” 

“No... the pads. I need to get the pads in.” 

Steve looks incredulous. “What?”

Billy points to them. “They’re getting wet.” 

“And?!”

Billy winces. “Don’t shout.”

Steve actually looks apologetic. “Sorry. But I don’t get why it matters? I need to get you to the hospital, Hargrove. That’s more important than some pads.” 

“We have to get them inside if it’s raining. They need to be dry tomorrow. It’s part of the job. It’s my responsibility. My boss said-“ 

“Okay, okay, I get it. How about this: I get you to the car, and then I’ll come back and put them inside and lock up. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Steve sighs, but they keep going to his car. Billy notices that he’d parked it right outside the gate, which is a relief, because Billy really wants to stop moving. 

Steve helps him into the passenger side and waits until he’s sure Billy has the seatbelt on before standing up. 

“Where are your keys?” 

“My bag. The locker room.” 

Steve nods and disappears back through the gate. Less than five minutes go by before he’s back and locking the gate behind him. He dumps Billy’s bag in the backseat before climbing in and driving off. 

“Steve?” 

“Yeah, Billy?”

“Where are we going?” 

Steve moves his gaze from the road for a second to stare at Billy with wide, worried eyes. “The hospital,” he says slowly, like Billy’s stupid.

“I don’t want to go to the hospital. And you don’t have to say it like that, I’m not dumb.”

“No, you’re just concussed, which is why we have to go to the hospital, you idiot. I want to make sure you’ll be okay.” 

And if that doesn’t make something warm fill Billy’s stomach. “Are you worried about me?” he says, and even he can hear it sounds like he’s teasing. 

“Am I-? Of course I’m worried about you, you asshole!” 

Billy smiles softly. “Alright.” 

Steve sighs. “Now shut up. We’re almost there.” 

Three minutes later and they’re pulling to a stop at the ER parking lot. Billy feels a sense of deja vu. It’s only been a few months since he was here with Max and Susan. 

He doesn’t get to reminisce more than that, because Steve’s grabbing his hand and dragging him toward the entrance. 

It goes quicker this time. Maybe because the entire right side of his face is coated in dried blood. He saw his reflection in the glass doors outside and grimaced. 

He doesn’t really remember what happens between seeing it and ending up in an exam room, but he knows it’s not been particularly long. 

And because Hawkins a small town, it’s the same doctor as last time. Maybe he’s the only ER Doctor they have. 

“Ah, Mr. Hargrove. I hope you took my advice from last time?” He looks up at Billy with a twinkle in his eye. He’s not faced by the blood one bit. 

Billy wants to roll his eyes but he can’t quite figure out how to do that, so he just sighs. “Yeah. I slipped. I think.”

Steve’s gaze is moving between them. “You two know each other or something?” 

The Doctor turns to look at Steve and then back to Billy. “Do you mind...?”

Billy grunts. “Nope.” The ‘P’ pops. 

“He got sick during the winter and decided it would be a good idea to get into a fight.”

Steve grimaces. “Ouch.”

“Indeed.” 

“Well, he didn’t get into any fights this time. He works at the community pool. I think he must have slipped on the wet floor while closing up, because he called me and asked me to come and get him. Said he probably shouldn’t drive.” It almost sounds like Steve’s trying to defend him. Billy’s not used to that. From anyone. 

The Doctor nods. “That’s good that he called you. Do you know how long ago he hit his head?” 

Steve shakes his head. “He called me maybe 45 minutes ago, though. But he’s had a hard time remembering stuff. He forgot he’d called me so he called me at least once more. And then he’s asked me the same questions repeatedly.” 

“Okay, that’s normal for a concussion. I’m a little worried about the bleeding though.” 

For the first since Steve started talking, the Doctor actually turns back to where Billy’s sitting on the exam table, swinging his legs. Usually he would be irritated to be left out of the conversation, especially one about him, but right now he’s kind of glad he doesn’t have to think so much. 

“Have you been feeling nauseous?”

Billy nods. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Okay. Did you vomit?” 

Billy frowns and hears Steve clear his throat. 

“There wasn’t any when I went back for his bag.”

The Doctor nods. 

“Pain?”

Billy looks at him like he’s stupid. 

He can see a smile pulling at the corners of the Doctor’s lips. “How bad?”

Billy shrugs. It makes the nausea worse. “As usual.” 

He nods and looks at where Billy’s still pressing the bandage to his head.

“Can you move the bandage away so I can take a look?” 

Billy does and winces when the Doctor starts touching the wound with glove clad fingers. 

“Ow.”

“You’re going to need stitches. And I want to get a CT scan to make sure there’s nothing worse going on. But first I’m going to get a blood sample.” 

As the Doctor turns his back to them Billy looks over at Steve. He’s standing a bit to the side of the exam table, looking awkward like he doesn’t really know what to do with his body. He seems to be trying to read what it says on all the medical posters on the walls. 

“Steve?”

His gaze snaps up to meet Billy’s. “Yes?” 

“I don’t like needles.” 

He smiles gently and to Billy’s relief seems to understand. He walks up to the exam table and motions for Billy to look at him, not the Doctor who’s coming back up on Billy’s other side. He can feel him put something cold on his inner elbow. 

“What did you think of the movie yesterday?” Steve asks and Billy tries to tear his attention away from the Doctor and to Steve’s kind, pretty face. God, he can’t believe it was only yesterday he was at Steve’s place eating dinner. That they’d shared breakfast this morning. 

“Indiana Jones? It was fine.” 

“Only fine? Hey, look at me,” he says when Billy hisses and starts to turn to look down at his arm. “Harrison Ford’s amazing.”

“Not as good as in Star Wars, though.”

“God, I knew you were secretly a nerd.” 

He smiles back up at Steve. “Shut up. You also like Star Wars!”

“Yeah, but I’ve stopped trying to hide my nerdiness since I became the unofficial chauffeur and babysitter for a bunch of nerds.” 

“Mama Steve.”

“Yep!” He pops the ‘P’ the same way Billy did. “That’s what they call me. You know, Dustin’s coming back. It’s great for Will, I mean, I think he’s getting tired being among those four lovebirds.”

“Max?” 

“Oh yeah, she keeps dumping Lucas as soon as he does something wrong and acts like he doesn’t get why she’s upset. It’s great.” 

Billy lets out a soft laugh. “Good girl. Got him wrapped around her finger, huh?” 

Steve nods. “Yeah, it’s really something.” 

“Alright, boys, all done.” At the Doctor’s voice Billy turns to look down at his arm and sees a little band-aid on the skin. “I’ll let you go and wash off the blood while I order that CT scan, and then we’ll get back here so I can stitch that wound together. There’s a bathroom down the hall.” 

Then he was snapping off his gloves and leaving. 

Billy turns to look at Steve. “Shall we?”

“After you.” 

Billy hops of the exam table, but he’s still a little dizzy and starts to stumble. Then Steve’s there and holding onto his arm and shoulder. 

“You okay?”

“Y-Yeah. A little dizzy.” 

“Do you want me to help you down the hall?”

Billy gives a tiny shake of his head. A little more and he’s afraid the dizziness will get worse. “Just... Stay close?”

Steve nods and smiles at him. “Sure.” 

They get to the bathroom without incident. Steve locks the door behind them while Billy walks over to sink. 

He stares at his reflection. He’s pale. It’s a stark contrast to the red-black colour of dried blood on his face. 

He opens the tap and starts scrubbing the side of his face. He stops when he’s just inches away from the wound. 

“Steve?” Billy hates how shaky his voice sounds. 

“Yeah?”

“Is he... He’s going to stick a needle in my head, isn’t he?” 

“I... yeah, Billy, he is.” 

“I’m going to throw up.” 

And then he’s letting go of the sink and falling down besides the toilet and doing exactly that. He can hear Steve moving quickly behind him before he feels someone lifts his hair out of his face. 

He’s throwing up the whole fucking breakfast he shared with Steve. And the sandwich he had for lunch. He can feel his whole body shudder. 

Steve’s not saying anything at first, he’s just sitting there beside Billy with his hair in one hand and the other on the small of Billy’s back. A silent comfort.

When he’s done Bill hangs his head and just takes a couple of seconds to try to breathe, but they’re coming in gasps and Steve starts trying to calm him down. “Billy, hey, deep breaths. Come on. You’re okay. You’re going to be okay, Billy.” 

And Billy’s heart aches with the lie, because he’s not, they’re going to pull a needle through the skin of his head, and then he’s going to have to go back home to Neil. Neil who he’s pretty sure is the reason Billy’s here in the first place, even if he cannot really remember. And he’s going to be here again and again because Neil will never stop. 

But right now Steve’s here, and he’s warm and soft and holding on to Billy and maybe he can let himself have this for just a little while. A small reprieve from the rest of his life. Sanctuary. 

It takes a minute or two, but then he’s trying to right himself. “Help me up?” His voice sounds hoarse. His head aches. 

Steve lets go of his hair and takes a hold of Billy’s middle to help pull him up. He flushes the toilet before taking Billy back to the sink so he can wash his mouth out. 

On the way back to the exam room Billy can feel himself trembling. He wonders if Steve can, from where he’s got an arm around him. 

“Well, you two took quite a while!” The Doctor’s saying as they step into the room and Steve helps Billy to the exam table. 

“Billy threw up.” 

“I see. Well, all the more reason to get this done quickly. If you would lie down, please. I think that’s easiest for us both.”

Billy does as he’s told and because Steve’s not moved away yet and Billy doesn’t know if he can do this without a physical anchor, he makes sure to grab a hold of his hand. 

He feels Steve stiffen up for a second but then he’s relaxing again. The Doctor’s coming up to them with a tray full of medical supplies. 

Billy closes his eyes. 

“Alright, so I’m going to clean at little. It’s going to sting.” 

It does, but it’s nothing Billy can’t handle. Nothing he hasn’t felt before. 

“And now for the local anaesthesia.” 

That means the needle, he thinks and squeezes Steve’s hand. Then he’s actually feeling it and shit, Billy thought he’d be putting it in on the side of the wound, but he’s pushing it in inside the wound, and god, Billy’s going to throw up again. 

It hurts when it first touches the wound, but then Billy can’t really feel it. 

No, wait, scratch that, it’s under his fucking skin and oh fuck, fuck, fuck, take it out. 

He hears himself let out a gasp and pull in a shaking breath. It’s quickly followed by a whimper. 

Then he can sense the Doctor leaning away from him and he figures the needle has to be gone. 

He keeps his eyes closed as the Doctor prods around his forehead, shakes his head when he’s asked if he can feel something the Doctor’s doing and then he’s telling Billy he’s starting to put the stitches in. 

It takes a while until Billy feels like he can open his eyes and let go of Steve’s hand. 

“We’re going to go get the CT scan done now. You’re going to have to change into a hospital gown for the procedure, and you need to take off any metal. But I guess you might want to wait until we’re up there?”

Billy nods. He didn’t realise he’d have to change and now he can feel a tiny tendril if fear start to go through him. 

They follow the Doctor to the elevator and down the long halls of the hospital. Billy wonders how they keep track of where everything is. It’s like a goddamn labyrinth. 

Then the Doctor’s opening the door for them and Billy almost stops in his tracks when he steps into the room. 

Dominating the room is a big white machine. It looks like a table going through a donut. But it’s white and it’s scary and Billy gulps. Then there’s a hand on his shoulder and Steve’s voice close to his ear. 

“Hey. You’ll be okay. It’s just a scan.”

Billy tries to nod. “H-How long?” he asks the Doctor. “How long do I have to be in there for?” 

The Doctor doesn’t look up from where he’s looking for something in a cabinet by the far wall. “25 minutes.” 

Billy hears himself gasp and then he’s shaking his head. “Steve, no- No, I can’t. I can’t. Not that long. Steve.”

And now Steve’s turning so he can look Billy in the eyes. “Shh. You’ll be fine. You just need to breathe. Close your eyes and try to rest or something.” 

Billy nods and tries to look braver than he feels. “Okay.” His voice is still small. Traitor. 

The Doctor walks up to them and hands Billy a gown. “You can change in here, but we’ll take your clothes with us to the Control and Observation Room.” He motions to the wall opposite the machine and for the first time Billy notices the whole upper part is made of glass and there’s a door in the corner. 

The Doctor walks over to the machine and Billy turns to Steve. He pulls of his medallion and gives it to Steve, then next is his earring. 

“Hold on to them for me?”

“‘Course.”

He’s pulling his top off first, then the shorts and his shoes, before he’s grabbing the hospital gown and putting it on. 

“Alright then, if you’d get over here,” the Doctor says from where he stands at the foot of the machine. Billy hugs his arms around himself but wanders over. “Great. So, I’m going to need you to lie still in there, okay? It’s very important that you try not to move. There’s an intercom if you need to talk to us. The table will slowly move into the scanner and then the X-Ray scanners will rotate. That’s why you need to lie still. Okay? You got all that?” 

Billy shrugs a little but nods. It seems like enough for the Doctor because he’s motioning down at the table for Billy to lie down. 

Billy gingerly sits down, before scooting backwards and lying down. There’s a thin soft pad on top of the table, almost like the ones on the sunbeds at the pool. He tries to breath deeply once or twice before closing his eyes. He can hear Steve and the Doctor moving away, hears a door open and close, and then suddenly there’s a whirring sound followed by buzzing which doesn’t stop. Every once in a while he hears some clicks. He thinks he’s moving, but it’s so slowly he can barely feel it. He figures it’s best to do as Steve said, so he tries to rest and not worry about there actually being something seriously wrong with his head this time. Back in California, the last time he’d gone to the hospital for a concussion, the doctors had sighed and told him to be more careful, because apparently head injuries risk getting worse each time. Billy doesn’t think that’s fair, because he likes his head and Neil likes hitting it or knocking it into stuff. 

Twenty minutes later and the buzzing finally stops. He hears Steve and the Doctor stepping back into the room and Billy takes Steve’s outstretched hand to help pull himself to a sitting position once he’s opened his eyes again. 

“The scans will be sent to a radiologist and then I’ll follow it up with you. It won’t take long. You can change here and then meet me back in the first exam room I took you to.” 

Billy sees Steve nod and doesn’t bother doing it himself. Even though he wasn’t really doing anything while the machine took pictures of him, he can’t help but feel like all his energy has been zapped. He just wants to sleep now. 

But then Steve’s in front of him and he’s pulling the hospital gown over Billy’s head and handing him his tank top before putting his necklace back around his neck. And so Bill figures that he can’t really walk home barefoot and in his underwear, so he stands up and puts his shorts and shoes on. 

Steve seems to have memorised the way they came, because he knows exactly where to go to get to the elevator and back to the exam room, which is lucky ‘cause if Billy’d been here alone he would have just wandered around like a lost puppy. 

“Well, you’re quite a lucky one, Mr. Hargrove. You thankfully only have a mild TBI, an ‘ordinary’ concussion if you will, and I can release you as long as you have someone to take care of you for the night,” the Doctor tells them a while later, back in the first exam room. 

“He’ll stay with me,” Steve’s quick to say and Billy turns to look at him, shocked. “I’ll take care of him. I’m legally an adult. Just tell me what to do.”

Billy could swear he sees the Doctor smile. 

“You’ll need to wake him once every 3-4 hours after he’s fallen asleep and get him to answer some simple questions. It’s just to make sure he can wake up and is able to answer coherently.” 

“Yeah, okay, no problem. I can do that.” 

The Doctor nods and smiles. “Good. Then you’re free to go.” 

Billy sighs, relieved. He’s so tired of the hospital. He wants to get to his soft bed in Steve’s guest room and sleep for an eternity. He’s off the exam table and ready to leave when the Doctor’s voice calls them to a stop. 

“And boys? No movies. Or loud music.”

“Aw,” Billy says, not really because he means it and it’s not like it’s news to him, he just feels like saying it. 

“What about piano music? I can play softly.”

“No piano.” 

Billy frowns, because damn, it almost sounded like Steve wanted to play piano for him. He didn’t know Steve could play. But it makes sense, because there’s a grand piano in his living room. 

“Alright then,” Steve says, and then he’s grabbing Billy’s arm and leading him out of the hospital. Billy’s still frowning when Steve helps him into the passenger seat of the Beemer. 

“What?” 

“I wanted to head you play piano.”

Steve lets out a laugh and shakes his head. “I promise you I’ll play you as much piano as you want once you’re better.”

“Promise?” Billy asks, because he’s not used to promises being kept, but he thinks he might be willing to trust Steve. 

“Yeah, Billy. I promise.” 

The ride home to Steve is mostly a blur to Billy. His next coherent memory is of Steve’s face in front of his in the middle of the night. 

“Fuck off, Harrington. Let me sleep.” He tries to hide his face in the pillow. 

“Yeah, yeah, this will take a minute and then you can go back to sleep. Who’s the President?”

“Darth Vader.”

He hears Steve choke on what sounds like a laugh. “Oh my god. Stop messing with me. Who’s the President?”

“Of?” Billy smirks. 

“The country, you asshole. Don’t be a smartass.” 

“Reagan.”

“Yes, great. What’s your first name?” 

“William,” he says in a mumble. 

He can feel Steve grinning at him even without looking. “Really?” 

“Oh, shut up, Steven.” 

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Go back to sleep, William.”

Billy kind of wants to hit him with one of his amazing pillows, but now that he’s been given permission to go back to sleep that’s all he really wants to do. 

—

Billy wakes up at like 10 am the next morning. He can’t remember if Steve woke him up more times during the night, but he guesses he must be fine because he’s still at Steve’s house and not back at the hospital. 

He wanders into the kitchen to find Steve reading at the table with a mug of what smells suspiciously like hot chocolate. He groans in delight as he enters. 

“Is that hot chocolate?”

“Morning to you too. Yeah, it’s chocolate. There’s more on the stove. And I made you some sandwiches. They’re in the fridge.” 

Billy eagerly gets out a mug and fills it with hot chocolate before opening the fridge and finding three sandwiches waiting for him. His heart warms. He’d told Steve some weeks ago that he loved when he made himself a sandwich of cheese and cucumber with salt on and then didn’t eat it for a while, but kept it somewhere cold in a lunchbox or something for a couple hours first. And Steve had remembered. Aw. 

He takes them out and goes to sit with Steve at the table. 

“You feeling better?” 

“Yeah.” Billy nods. “Thanks for coming to get me yesterday.” 

“It was really no problem. I’m glad you called me. But I got worried. And so did Max. She called me on the walkie asking if I knew where you were, because you hadn’t been home for two days and you didn’t come pick her up yesterday.” 

Ah. So that’s why Neil had come and hit him at the pool. Billy had been wondering about that. “Why did she call you?” 

“I mean, she kind of knows that you hang out here sometimes.” 

And if that’s not a total revelation to Billy. “She want? Did you tell her? When did you tell her?”

“Relax. I didn’t really. You know that first night, in January?”

Billy nods. 

“She was the one who called me. That’s how I knew where you were. I didn’t just happen to drive around your neighbourhood for no reason. Max called and said that you and your dad had gotten into an argument and that she was worried because you didn’t have a coat on and it was cold outside. I promised her I’d go look for you. She cares about you, you know?” 

Fuck. Yeah, she really does. Little fiery Maxine. “So I actually have Max to thank for introducing me to your wonderful cooking, is that what you’re saying?” 

Steve laughs. “Yep.” 

Billy finishes his last sandwich and then they stay there for a while longer, just silently enjoying each other’s company and drinking hot cocoa. 

“Hey... What are you reading?” 

“Huh?” Steve turns his gaze from where it was resting looking out the window to glance down at the open book in front of himself. “Oh! It’s Emma.”

“Jane Austen.” 

“Yeah. I never finished it in school, so I thought I’d give it a second try now that I can read at my own pace.”

“It’s a good book.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Mhm. I think I’ve read all her books.” 

Steve stares at him. “What? You? No way.” 

“Oh fuck you, Harrington. I can enjoy classic literature! Besides, Austen was my mom’s favourite. She’s much better than the modern shit Susan reads.” 

Steve laughs. “Wow. If someone had told me I’d be sitting at my kitchen table with Billy Hargrove discussing Jane Austen’s novels just last fall I’d have laughed straight in their face.” 

“Same, Harrington. Same.” 

— 

Billy spends most of the day moving between the guest guest room, the bathroom and the living room. That’s the problem with concussions. There’s nothing to do while you wait for them to get better. He’s not allowed to read, to watch TV, to listen to music. Steve eventually lets him go out and sit on the edge of the pool with his legs in the water, but he won’t let Billy swim, because ‘What if you drown?!’ 

He’s feeling fine in the evening and insists Steve takes him to the pool so he can get his own car and go home. Steve won’t have it at first, not until Billy starts guilting him into it by talking about how worried Max won’t stop being until she can see for herself that he’s back to his usual asshole self. 

The pool’s closed by the time they get there and there’s not a soul close by from what Billy can tell. That’s good, Billy thinks. He doesn’t need to worry about the risk of his father finding out about Billy climbing out of another boy’s car after having been gone for one day and a half. 

Steve stops the car but none of them move for a few seconds. There’s an electricity in the air between them, one Billy doesn’t know where it came from. 

“What’s your favourite quote? From Emma?”

And Billy doesn’t need to think about it, he just answers. “‘If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.’”

Steve lets out a breath. The air, if possible, becomes even more charged. 

“Billy?”

“Yeah?”

“You called me ‘Steve’ yesterday.” 

“I did?”

“Mhm.” 

“Oh.” 

“I’m going to do something now, something I think you’ll like, but if you don’t then I want you to tell me and I’m sorry, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

And then Steve’s leaning over the gearbox and suddenly his lips are against Billy’s. 

It’s a soft kiss, softer than any Billy has ever experienced. He feels Steve’s tongue against his lips and parts them, just a little, just so. He feels Steve exhale and smile, and it’s exhilarating. He feels free. 

But then he suddenly hears what sounds like a car approaching and god, fuck, shit, this is Hawkins, and Billy’s pulling back, quick like a viper. He feels like running because this was exactly what his father hit him for. If he stays here he’s going to actually give him a reason, a cause, for hitting Billy. He’s going to prove him right. 

Kissing Steve had felt like oxygen, like the first time Billy got to breathe in a long while, but now it feels like he’s drowning because all he can hear is his father’s voice; calling him a faggot and talking about how they need to move away from California and all the influences there. He sees Jonah, the last time he’d seen him, lying on the ground after Billy’d pushed him with a confused, hurt look in his eyes and no, no, Billy can’t do this again. He can’t. He cares too much about Steve and it hurts too much and Hawkins is a small town, it won’t be long until Neil finds out and then he’s a goner, he knows he is, because Neil has beat him before until Billy couldn’t move for days afterwards, and then he’d only suspected, he hadn’t ever had proof. 

If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.

So even though it feels like his heart is breaking and all he wants to do is stay, the panic wins and suddenly Billy is scrambling out of the car and almost running, stumbling, to the Camaro. He starts the engine with shaking hands and then he’s off. Running away. Maybe his father’s right, and he’s always been a coward. 

If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.