Work Text:
Steve’s mind wandered for many things, but never when he was in Bucky’s embrace. Here they were swaying back and forth to a song that was at least ten year past their years of existence before everything fell down. With the war, Hydra, homophobia. Everything.
Steve couldn’t help it, even big as he was, he rested his cheek to Bucky’s shoulder, and closed his eyes and they danced.
“What made you pick this song? I mean we’re in what….2020?” Bucky asked softly, his beautiful hazel eyes always warm and welcoming.
“Cause it’s us. It makes me think of all the times that I wanted every word of this song says. I only have eyes for you and no one else matters when we’re together. Until now we never had this. I always wanted to hold your hand and kiss your cheek and buy you flowers without someone being an asshole and making a state of it.” Steve slumped against Bucky’s more than steady frame. “I’ll do it everyday of our lives if I have to so I can make up for it.”
“I know baby doll. I get it. But we can both to that.” Bucky sighed with a frown, gathering Steve closer than close. “But again. This is so nice. I’d love to take you to a club and kiss you stupid.”
The room, their apartment, was dressed in the softest glow of candlelight, the windows were open allowing the click and chirp of crickets. It was the promise of safety, nothing could ever hurt them here. They had been so free of nightmares over the last four months since the last battle between all of the Avengers and Thanos and everything in between.
Steve and Bucky.
All that mattered. And the click of the record player.
The nightmares were taking a break and they always swallowed it up.
Steve exhaled again, the promise of whiskey on his lips and nothing more. He wasn’t numb but he was happy. He was comfortable. And Bucky was so warm and safe and perfect.
The night air was wafting through the windows as they both swayed back and forth. Needing nothing more and nothing more than that.
“Stevie, honey,” Bucky took a breath, “Is there more to this? Somethin’ wrong? I feel like there’ something’”
Steve shook his head, “No, this is just. Perfect. I try so hard not to think about what happened. With everyone. Nat. Tony. I-I” he pulled his face away, eyes down, “I’ve lost so many people and I feel guilty…I lost you so long ago.”
“Babydoll, tell me…” Bucky urged.
“Tony,” Steve swallowed hard, “He had a kid. And Nat…I just feel guilty for surviving sometimes. And then I feel even guiltier when I feel so happy with you. Like right now.” he managed a weak smile, his eyes growing wet and wide, “I shouldn’t…but then…I do and I want to spend forever with you and say screw it to everything I’ve fought for.”
“Baby doll,” Bucky began again, “Don’t you think that you and I have been through enough of bullshit. The war, the violence, the homophobia that we don’t deserve this? Don’t you think Tony would want you to be happy? Cause darlin’ I know deep down he loved you. He had a lot of issues with you with me but he loved you. He really did.”
Steve took a sharp breath, tear spilling out of his eyes without control. The truth of it all was too much. “I-I don’t know I cost him his daughter…”
“No,” Bucky said with a shake of his head and pulled Steve closer, “He knew what he was getting into. He gave her a future. Honey, sweetheart, you have to live for you. Not anyone else. I’ll wait till the end of the earth until you realize that. I’ll always be here. But I want you to be happy even dancing here in our hut of a living room. Here in Wakanda. I’ll live everyday of my life here as long as I’m here with you.”
Steve managed a laugh, his eyes going around the room, “I am happy… I know I’m shit at showing how happy I am but I am….” and then as the CD player skipped to the next song ‘lost in the 50’s tonight’ he wasn’t sure why but he lost it.
Sobs falling against messily to Bucky’s chest, his arms wrapped tightly around Bucky’s waist, “I’m sorry…God it’s so fucking stupid.”
“You’re so sexy and stupid when you curse,” Bucky reprimanded, he pulled him up, continuing this dance of ‘guilt’.
Steve wanted to absorb everything all around him, the happy and faithful of the world. But the guilt plagued him, “I should have looked for you with every breath I took.”
“I’m seriously going to spank you,” Bucky began, with a smirk and a light slap, “You aren’t to blame for anything. Aren’t you saying the same for me?”
Steve faceplanted once more into Bucky’s shoulder, “It’s different…you were brainwashed. Honey, I should have known you were out there.”
“I know you think that but it wasn’t possible.” Bucky said seriously, taking firm hold of Steve’s forearms, “You didn’t know I was alive. So that’s a pretty lame excuse. So how about we stop?”
They were still swaying back and forth while the candle-light flickered against their living room walls.
“Yeah,” Steve nodded, folding completely into Bucky’s embrace, “Yeah, let’s do that.”
And so with the sound of ‘let’s get lost in the 50’s tonight’ they did.
And the world made sense, at least for the moment.