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Stan Pines wasn't jealous of his brother. Sure, Ford got a lot of attention from teachers and old grannies, and their father, but Stan wasn't jealous. Ford was interested in nerd things, like math and chemistry and monsters…well, monsters were cool. But still, Stan had other things. He had…well…he had…
What did Stan have?
Ford had his smarts and Stan just kind of tagged along for the ride. But that was okay. He had Ford. They didn't have much else, but they had each other. And that was enough. That was enough for years.
When the schoolyard bullies came to throw rocks and shove dirt down their pants, at least they were together and they could help each other up. And when their father decided he'd had enough of their shenanigans and wailed on Stan with the metal end of a belt, well…Ford was there. They were never alone. They always had each other. And they always would.
~I wanted, to be like you. I wanted everything
So I tried, to be like you, and I got swept away.~
But still, it bothered Stan sometimes that Ford was obviously the epicenter of their dynamic duo, and Stan was the poor helpless planet caught in Ford's orbit. Ford was smart and creative and always had the answer to everything. So, Stan started trying to be like him. He picked a book at random from the library shelf and tried reading it. But the words blurred and he didn't understand half of what he was reading. And it was so boring. I was talking about shapes or 'faces' or bonds…Stan didn't understand. The book cover showed a picture of a rock and some weird drawn shapes where you could see all the sides.
When book reading failed, Stan moved onto experiments. Experiments were more fun than reading because he got to mix things together and watch what happened. But one too many explosions and one used fire-extinguisher later, Stan was banned from doing experiments without Ford's help. That only left school. So Stan tried doing well in school. But school work was even harder than book reading. Math was just a jumble of numbers and symbols, and history was all memorizing facts and dates. None of it was interesting, but his grades did improve, if only marginally. He was so excited when he'd studied all week for a test and got a B-. A B-!
That was the best grade he had ever gotten EVER! He was so happy he raced home after detention to show it to Pa, finally something of worth to show him. But Ford had gotten there first. Of course he had. Ford didn't have detention. Ford had gotten an A+, as usual. All of a sudden, the lousy B- didn't mean much. He didn't bother showing it to his parents.
Stan went back to just tagging along and helping out his brother. He wasn't jealous, but he did kind of wish Ford was so horribly bad at something, so Stan could be good at it. After one bad run in with Crampelter, Stan dragged himself and Ford home to their mom to get bandaged up. Through ringing ears and two black eyes, Stan heard his father tell him he was signing them both up for boxing lessons.
Boxing lessons were more horrible than Crampelter. At least with Crampelter, they could run away or hide or something. And they didn't always cross paths with the bully. Boxing lessons were every other day and you couldn't run. Both Stan and Ford came home sore and beaten more and more, but their pa never let up. No friends but each other, no support from family but each other. They clung together tighter and tighter.
~I didn't know that, it was so cold, And
you needed someone to show you the way.~
But boxing lessons paid off in the end. Stan was getting stronger. He stuck close to Ford and together, they stayed mostly out of trouble. Stan on his own would always wind up in detention, but Stan with Ford was able to weasel his way out of most things. Sticking with Ford made Stan aware of the crap Crampelter pulled when Stan was in detention. They both got bullied, but Ford had it bad. He had tried to hide the cuts and bruises and missing notebooks, but Stan saw them. Ford didn't stand a chance. The next time they were cornered in the field behind the school, Stan fought back. He tackled the lard-butt and wailed on his face with all his strength until Crampelter kicked him off and rode away on his stupid bike. Stan got detention and was grounded for a month, but he didn't care. When he'd held out his hand to help Ford up, Ford had looked at him like was was some kind of hero. From then on, Stan was the muscle, and he would protect Ford at all costs.
~So I took your hand and, we figured out that
When the time comes I'd take you away.~
It wasn't long after that they found the boat, and the dream of sailing away on the Stan O' War, just the two of them, was born. Stan threw himself into fixing the Stan O' War. If no one else wanted them, then they would go somewhere else. Bullies didn't really pick on Stan anymore. He was popular, exactly, but he was left alone enough that he was a 'pseudo' jock. Ford wasn't so lucky. Sure, people liked him, he was smart and could help them with their homework, but they weren't interested in being friends. It became apparent when Ford had asked Lucy out for drinks after he'd helped her study for the upcoming Physics exam. She'd laughed in his face so long, he'd just gathered up his stuff and left, her laughing echoing down the empty school hall. Stan had gotten pissed when Ford told him about it. She didn't deserve Ford, and Stan said as much, but Ford was still felling shitty about the whole thing.
"Why do people hate me?" Ford was curled up with his face pressed to his knees on Stan's bunk. He'd stopped crying (not that there were many tears, but still, he was embarrassed about the few drops that had worked their way from between his eyelids), and was now just sitting, moping and wondering if he'd ever find someone who actually liked him.
"No one hates you! Okay, maybe Crampelter and Sonia do, but they hate everyone. And I think Sonia doesn't like you because you're associated with me. And that bitch haaaaaates me." Stan had sat beside Ford with a bag of toffee peanuts and had refused to move until Ford cheered up.
"Okay, fine. They don't hate me, but they sure as hell don't like me." Nobody liked him. They were only interested in if he could help them, then they were more than happy to drop him. Ford was too weird. And not just his hands, though they were part of it. Ford liked weird things. Shrunken heads and six-legged cats. Sea monsters and the Jersey Devil. Ma did her best to connect, but she didn't understand his interests, and Pa…well, it was best not to engage Pa with anything that might be considered 'weird'. They only one that had ever tried to understand and take an interest in him was…
"Hey, you don't need them. I like ya. And once we sail away on the Stan O' War, it doesn’t matter what these bozos think."
Ford grinned. Maybe Stan was enough.
~If you want to, I can save you. I can take you away from here.
So lonely inside, So busy out there,
And all you wanted was somebody who cares.~
Stan doesn't know when it happened, or what caused it. Like growing up, you know it's happening, but each change is so gradual, you don't notice it until you compare it to where you were before. And that's what he was doing, comparing himself now to how he used to be. Because he never used to think like he does now. At least…he doesn't think so. He'd always been trapped in Ford's orbit, and he never really thought much about it before. They were inseparable. And that never used to be a problem. But Stan finds himself thinking about Ford more and more. His brother invades his thoughts more often than anything else, and if he isn't thinking of Ford exactly, then he's thinking of something in tangent to him. Thinking about how boring math class is makes him think about how excited Ford it to learn new things. Thinking about his favorite snack reminds him how much Ford hates toffee peanuts. And, of course, thinking about the boat makes him think about sailing away from all the shit they deal with. When Ford starts making an appearance during his dreams in place of Carla, well, it really isn't all that surprising, if a bit disturbing.
Middle school passed in a whirlwind of working on the boat and keeping out of trouble. Sooner than they realized, they were in high-school. Classwork got harder and Stan was struggling. Stan throws himself into working on the boat. He even takes welding and woodworking when they're offered. He might not be great at reading a map or doing math, but he can work with his hands to make things and fix things. He gets a part-time job and works down at the dock when he can. He spends more time in the library than Ford does some days. It's hard. All of the work. He tried and tried and it never gets easier. Sometimes he thinks he ought to leave things alone. Ford had potential to be something. And he wasn't very good at hiding his feelings. He did his best, lifting porn mags from the corner store and keeping a pin-up calendar tacked to his wall, but it felt hollow. It also didn't help that Ford had picked up on his acting. Who was he to try and hide something from the person who knew him best? But he still hid. And still thought about letting go even as he wanted so desperately to hang on. Some days, he wants to throw his hands in the air and say 'Fuck It" and give up. But then he sees Ford come home with bruises and busted glasses, or maybe it's just a smile or a belly laugh at one of his jokes and he's right back, putting everything he has into making this work. In the end, it's all for Ford. It always was.
Ford is all too aware that Stan is struggling. And he hates it. He hates seeing Stan like this. There are days, sometimes, where Stan doesn't smile, at least, not a real smile. Days when he cries because he just doesn't understand the work. Days when he does whatever he can to prove he's a man because someone or something convinces him that he isn't. He does his best to help. He tutors Stan when he can and works out homework problems with him. Stan is trying. He really is, but he gets confused and forgets things easily. He could read a page and not remember anything he'd just read. Every day, Stan would be ridiculed by their father, be constantly told he wasn't worth anything, constantly told he 'was being a girl'. Every day, Stan would chases skirts and flirt with any woman who looked at him, got into more fights than he had any right to, and tried harder to prove himself worthy.
Ford knew the dream about sailing away on a ship was a childish one. He knew Stan was holding onto that dream with everything he had. But their future was so vague. They needed money to live, jobs paid money. Sailing around the world on a boat wasn't going to get them there. It was just a matter of fact. But when Stan would get excited about progress on the ship or would tell stories about all the adventures they would go on, Ford found it harder and harder to admit that it was all just a fantasy. When Ford found Stan coming home with a chip on his shoulder and a black eye from getting in a fight with some chump that called him a fag, Ford found himself wanting to take away all the pain and misery. And the dream of whisking Stan away from everything on a ship felt all the more real.
~I'm sinking slowly, So hurry hold me. Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on.
Please can you tell me, So I can finally see Where you go when you're gone.~
As senior year drew closer and closer, so too did their dreams. Ford was convinced they could sail away on the Stan O' War to somewhere else. They could live on the boat while they worked and saved up money to get a decent place to live. And if something happened, then they would always have the boat. But they couldn't just be treasure hunters. It wasn't possible. He was drawing up a plan to figure out how they could manage. As soon as they were old enough, they were out of Glass Shard. But there was still work to be done to get there. And he still wasn't sure how to break it to Stan. Stan was so dedicated to the idea that they would be treasure hunters, the he was blind to the reality they were facing. But Ford still wanted to get them away from there. He still wanted to rescue his brother. And maybe…maybe, if they were away from this, Stan could just be himself. Maybe Ford could…
~If you want to, I can save you. I can take you away from here
So lonely inside, So busy out there,
And all you wanted was somebody who cares.~
But things got harder. The science fair came, and Ford saw an opportunity. He could build something that would he could patent. He could sell it and they would have a nice nest egg to get started. But then, West Coast Tech was interested. And the promise of millions. Millions. What would he do with millions? They could do anything. They could sail away for months or years at a time and they would never have to come back to this shitty ass town. Finally, some success. Finally, something good. Ford would make some discovery, make a fortune, and he would come back for Stan. They would escape. He was so excited! He didn't want Stan to get discouraged. It wasn't forever. It was only until he was able to make something that would secure their future. And maybe it would give Ford time to process his…desires.
~All you wanted was somebody who cares.~
Everything fell apart after that. Ford spent years throwing himself into his work, and Stan spent the same time doing everything he could to make it rich.
~If you need me, you know I'll be there…~
But when the post card was sent, Stan came without a second thought. And when the call came to correct his mistake, Stan stepped up to the challenge.
~If you want to, I can save you. I can take you away from here.
So lonely inside, So busy out there.
And all you wanted was somebody who cares.~
And in the end, after more hardship than either one had ever thought, in the end, they found themselves on a boat, with more money than they needed, and no more need to run away. No more need to hide. In the end, none of the past really matters. Because Stan has a family that cares. Ford found a way to use his sills to help. And they finally decide, to hell with all of the fear, to hell with the self-denial. Standing aboard their ship, lost in the middle of the ocean after having hauled up an actual crate of lost pirate gold, Ford and Stan share their first kiss.