Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lance wasn't even sure when it started.

A small tickle in his throat. Occasionally being out of breath a bit faster than normal. Sneezing a bit even in the confinements of the castle.

Probably just a small space cold.

Right?

Lance sneezed again and again wiggling his nose slightly before finally being able to focus back on the drill Shiro and Allura has insisted they try.

"You good Lance? You've been sneezing a lot lately," Hunk's voice buzzed through the com

"Must be some space dust or something. I guess Keith didn't clean Red as often as he should have."

Keith.

As much as he would refuse to admit it to the others, he had been lonely without the former red paladin. Maybe he just didn't have someone around to push him the same way Keith did. Maybe it was just that he felt he didn't fit as well as Shiro's right hand as he did with Keith. Maybe he had finally seen him less as a rival and teammate and more of a friend... best friend... and he just didn't want to admit it.

"Lance!"

"It's already handled," Lance grunted aiming one final blast along the fake ship causing it to combust

Small cheers erupted in his helmet as Lance muted himself for a moment to sneeze again. Seriously. It was never this bad.

"Nice job guys. Could have been executed a bit more cleanly but for a first time it was great. Let's take a break," Shiro's voice echoed inside Lance's brain

Could have been better. Yeah... if I hadn't been so sloppy sneezing my brains out.

Lance was already changed once he stepped out of the hanger. He aimed his path toward the kitchen hoping to potentially find some type of alien tea maybe to clear his senses. Something to get rid of this sneeze when he almost ran straight into Allura.

"Sorry Princess! Didn't see you," Lance felt his face redden a bit as he quickly caught the tablet she had been carrying

"You are fine Lonce! Maybe just keep your head up next time," she smiled accepting the tablet back from Lance

She tilted her head taking in the look of Lance. Lance wiggling his nose to stop yet another sneeze storm, slight blush riding his face as he felt Allura's persistent stare, and the slight bags under his eyes despite his obsessive skin care routine gave away what he had been keep secret from the others.

"Are you alright? You look like your catching something?"

Lance shrugged, "Maybe some type of cold. I should get over it before long."

"Take it easy a few days Lonce... please. And seek Coran he may have something that can help." She didn't bother hiding the slight worry from her face

"Will do Allura and don't worry I'll be good as new in a few days," he said backing his way once again toward the kitchen throwing her a flirty smile till she was no longer in sight

Lance allowed himself to take a deep breath and slump his shoulders a bit once he was free of her gaze. What would it matter anyway? It's just a cold. It's not that important.

Lance had finally rummaged up something he hoped was tea and was ready to head back to his room for a nap. Maybe he would feel better then. The sound of slightly giggling drew his attention from a passing room. He raised an eyebrow to see the group huddled around a table with monsters and mana in full go.

"Pidge was that really needed? Couldn't you have just distracted him in a normal fashion?"

"That's not as fun Hunk! I'm trying to be creative!"

He peeked in to see them all cozy together laughing as they moved through the story. Shiro and his paladin getting killed once again despite Allura's quick attempt to revive him. He liked seeing all his friends happy and at peace despite the war swelling around them. He didn't want to interrupt them so he continued his way to his room.

Lance drank his disgusting tea before curling up in his bed for a nap. He woke however coughing harshly. His breath seemed to rattle slightly inside his lungs and it felt like something kept bumping inside it. But that's just crazy talk.

Lance cleared his throat feeling an odd chill run through him. He grabbed his blankets wrapping himself up as he drug himself to the kitchen for a glass of water. The castle quiet causing his feet to echo around him as he drug himself through the hall.

His lips wrapped around the cooled bottle of water allowing the whole thing to settle his throat and rest is his stomach. He sighed opening a second one sipping it slower but finished it off as well.

Tossing both empty bottles into the bin Lance traces his steps back to his room only to pause at the center room where Pidge sat crossed legged on the sofa with a screen in front of her.

"Honestly we have been relaxing a bit the past few days. Something happened a few weeks ago and the whole balance kinda shifted here," Pidge said quietly

Lance angled himself to spot Matt on the screen in front of her. His head rested on his palm eyes narrowing at her words.

"What happened?" Matt asked his voice static filled over the distance and strain

Pidge rocked back and forth slightly for a few moments seeming unsure how to say it. She turned quickly to make sure no one was around to hear her words before turning back to her brother.

"It's been weird you know... with Lotor and all. We have been dealing with that but also something... happened. We don't really know what I just know when we were trying to put a shield up recently Shiro just went dull and freakin just stressed me out. Then something happened with Lance and Allura. Allura wants to talk about she keeps trying to bring it up to him but he refuses to even listen to it. He won't mention it."

Lance bit his lip. She was talking about how he died and Allura brought him back. Lance didn't want to talk about it. Didn't want the others to think about it. It was over. It happened. But he was here. It was fine.

Allura of course wanted to talk about it. To make sure it was all ok. She felt guilty for it happening in the first place. She was still confused on what exactly happened.

Lance wasn't... he had died... she brought him back... he was still here... fighting this stupid cold.

"That's not all though. Lance... well he's trying to hide it but he's sick. Some sort of cold or something I guess but he won't let us take care of him either. Keeps saying it's dust, or the sun, or he just didn't sleep... I don't know I'm just worried I guess. He's not taking care of himself anymore he's too busy taking care of everyone else. I'm worried for him. He's been like this since Keith left really."

The guilt piled onto Lance hearing all this. He thought they hadn't noticed... he didn't want to burden them... and yet he did anyway.

"Speaking of Keith..." Pidge said looking at the screen but Matt shook his head

"No word yet. I still haven't heard or seen of him since Naxzela. When he tried to freakin fly himself to his doom," Matt muttered

Lance tilted his head closer to the conversation

"I swear I'm going to strangle him when he gets back... he was really going to sacrifice himself like that... just fly himself to his death to give us a maybe?" Pidge said shaking her head

"You know Keith... though he's changed since I knew him as a kid. You all are his family he would do anything to protect you all. Even if it means him leaving."

Lance couldn't take anymore as he stumbled back to his room. Keith... Keith almost died to protect them. He left to protect us. Keith... you should have just stayed... I needed you to stay.

His heart drumming through his chest and there was a ringing in his ears. A thin line of sweat broke on his brow. The world seemed to be going so fast it was at a stand still.

What was happening?

Lance felt another round of coughing fight it's way up. He stumbled back into his room coughing a little more. Tears at the edge of his eyes came through as in the final cough a small single red petal spilled past his lips.

Guess this isn't a simple cold after all.

Chapter Text

In Keith's defense everything had moved very fast. He really didn't have time for it. That didn't stop the words from echoing in Lance's head vibrating his very being.

"I don't have time for this, Lance!"

Yeah they really didn't did they. It's fine though. It doesn't matter. It's the universe that is at stake anyway.

Lance made him self a silent promise in that moment and backed off. They had other things to worry about... Lotor. Well it started out with just Lotor. Then it escalated.

Soon Lotor's Generals broke in. Then Shiro went rouge. Everything was moving so quickly. Lance's lungs were struggling a bit with the pressure. A faint tickle caused him to cough as he ran to the hanger toward Red.

Red roared as her paladin arrived ready to join the fray. Lance stifled a round of sneezing as he quickly joined the fight. Feeling that familiar thrill of connection with his lion forced the issue with his breathing out of his mind.

When Keith called to form Voltron Lance closed his eyes savoring the feeling of being connected with his fellow paladins. Lance clutched the line to Black maybe a bit more than he would with Shiro but who could blame him. He was once again at the right hand of his once rival that grew to what he thought was close friends.

That was before Keith left. Abandoned the team. Lance always played back the offer he made to step down from being the red paladin and let Keith take back over. He always wish he had just left and not said a thing. Keith was a better red paladin anyway.

The fight wasn't going well despite the fact they were battling to the best they could. But Lance's heart really sank when Keith told them to disband and propelled himself through the wormhole. Alone.

It shouldn't be a surprise. Keith was always stupidly loyal to a fault. Especially for Shiro. Lance felt that twinge of jealousy wishing he could have the same connection but shook it off heading back to the castle.

That's when the problems seemed to keep rising. Shiro left a virus knocking out the Castle's systems. The clock was on again. There was no time to be distracted.

But Allura was.

Lance watched with concern as Coran's words seemed to just fly over her. Her nose scrunched slightly eyebrows lined in worry. Lotor has lied to all of them, but she had trusted him the most. Lance had watched her fall in love with him and it hurt. He had always wanted his love with Allura to be matched. It seems like he lost. To a purple child of the devil himself.

"Allura," Lance called to her gaining her attention to the problem at hand

She snapped back to attention rebooting the system. Her gaze still lost. Lance felt for her. He really did. Maybe in a different way then he realize. When Krolia and Romelle left Lance approached her with hesitance. She was quick to explain her guilt and take the blame for all that was happening.

"He didn't just fool you. He fooled us all," Lance finished trying to ease her guilt

Lance was soon trapped in a hug from her as the tears she had been holding back leaked down her cheeks. Trailing a light path over her bright Altean marks. Any other time he would have been thrilled to have Allura in his arms. So why not not?

The room suddenly seemed a bit brighter but Lance wasn't focused on that. A sudden bout of cough tore through him wrecking his chest and throat. Lance felt a slight panic as he attempted to stifle it as he felt the smoothness of a petal in his mouth.

"Lance we really need to get that checked. It's getting worse," Allura said placing a hand on his back

He nodded quickly swallowing the stray petal turning to see Keith's face looking down at the pair on the screen.

"Keith!"

He's okay! He's alright! He's alive!

Keith quickly filled them in. No messing around per norm. Lance didn't know why it seemed to hurt so much. It didn't matter anyway. They had a battle to prepare for. Not that Lance ever felt ready for it.

The battle was a mess. Lance could hardly keep track. One moment they were almost beat then Keith appeared and now they were diving into the Quintessence Field to keep the fight going. The worry for the battle left Lance as soon as they entered. The cloudiness for his lungs seemed to lift. He could breath for the first time in ages. He felt lighter and better than he had even before he started coughing up petals.

Then the realization set in and as soon as they escaped he was sent into another heavy fit. Quickly muting himself from the others unable to prevent the small red petals from spilling onto the floor of Red, who seemed to let out a noise of concern. It went unnoticed and Lance was quickly caught up to the new situation.

They really couldn't catch a break. They were about to lose their home. The one place Lance had finally come to enjoy and savor. Not anymore. The Castle of Lions was officially on it's finally countdown.

Lance was dragging Kaltenecker through the hall. She was the last thing he needed to pack and of course she was being difficult. Lance almost turned the corner straight into Keith. Quickly moving Kaltenecker's head away from the littlest Blade member so she didn't knock him to the ground.

"Sorry," Lance quickly mumbled a pink guilty twinge sparked his cheeks

Keith however didn't move on. Instead his eyes locked on Lance for probably the first time since everything started. That old feeling seemed to creep in on him but he pushed it away. It didn't matter anyway he had saw the hug with Allura. Lance was finally getting his chance with her and he was happy for him.

"Do you need any help with anything else?" Keith asked seeming to finally find his voice

Lance shook his head, "She is all I have left. Pidge might though."

Lance let the sentence drift as he turned his attention to Keith's face looking at it properly since he arrived back. Lance felt the concern line his face as his eyebrows dipped in and a frown appeared. He let a hand stray to Keith's face hovering over a bruise before moving to the fresh burn across most of Keith's cheek. Keith flinched slightly from the heat of Lance's hovering hand.

"We need to take care of that," Lance said wrapping a hand around Keith's wrist dragging him with Kaltenecker

Keith went to protest about the shortage of time but felt it die before it could fully form. Instead he allowed himself to be dragged behind Lance. He reexamined every aspect of the lanky Cuban. It had only been months for Lance and the crew but it had been two years for Keith. Two long years without his team. Without Lance. A feeling of calm seemed to finally settle now that he realized he had them back.

Once Kaltenecker was settled in Red Lance had Keith sit as he dug around for his personal med kit. He always had one near just in case. He pulled the odd purple goop giving Keith a bit of warning as he began to spread it across the burn. Keith hissed fingers curling to fists as the initial pain seemed to bring back the reminder of what had happened. Then a cooling effect began.

Lance moved quickly placing a few other ointments on other less major injuries ignoring Keith's small noises of pain. He felt those dark eyes hovering on every single one of his movements and felt that feeling of fluttering well up inside him.

No. Behave. You don't have a chance anyway.

Lance was soon finished and was cleaning the kit away when curiosity finally beat him.

"How did it happen?"

Keith rubbed his arm awkwardly looking at the floor. Lance felt himself freeze as the name Shiro managed to drop out of Keith's mouth. He looked up at Keith who look so beat in that very moment it tightened his chest. The brush of petals tickling his lungs as he took a deep breath.

"We will get him help Keith. I promise. We will figure it out," Lance gave a quick squeeze of Keith's shoulder

Keith sighed nodding sliding off ready to head back to his lion. A small beep reminded them of the time. Keith stuffed his hands in his pockets dipping his head toward the floor.

"Thank you for... you know," But Lance simply waved a hand back still turned signalling him not to worry about it

Keith was just walking out when he heard a deep coughing start from inside Red. He almost kept going but turned back when it didn't stop. What he saw however made him pause in his tracks.

Lance almost to his knees coughing violently into the crook of his arm. Eyes watering from the force. A small shudder followed by another cough that spilled a few small red petals to the floor. Lance mumbled something and collected the petals. Keith quickly ducked out of sight watching Lance dump the petals out of Red.

Red seemed to let out a weird sound of concern as her paladin began to wake her. She knew something was off. She could sense her former paladin near and hoped he would figure it out soon. Her kits needed help.

Red roared before taking off sending the little red petals scattering along the the Castle floor. One drifting over Keith's foot. He bent to pick it up rubbing the smooth petal between his fingers. Worry for Lance suddenly the only thing on his mind.

Chapter Text

One problem after another. You just have to move on. Don't have time to think about the last one. But Keith couldn't let one go.

It had been decided to go back to Earth to get the plans for a new Castle but the lions needed to recharge. So off the others were off looking for Faunatonium while a few stayed with Shiro. Keith was a bit torn on it. He needed to stay with Shiro... he had to. But he needed to talk to Lance.

What had he seen? What was going on? How long had it been going on? How do they stop it?

Surely coughing up flower petals was not a good thing... for humans at least. There was that alien race who did make them appear out of nowhere... and everywhere.... but Lance wasn't an alien. At least not that they knew

Keith closed his eyes letting memories of Shiro flood through his mind. He prayed Shiro could use them as well to fight to stay in this body. He couldn't lose Shiro again. Not after everything.

But he also wasn't ready to lose Lance... Heck who could ever be ready to lose him. He had missed him desperately when he was stuck in the quantum abyss. He had missed everyone but Shiro and Lance had been the pair that invaded his mind the most. He knew his mother had seen it all too. Which maybe why she didn't question him staying with Shiro at the moment instead of helping the others.

"I have a question... maybe one of you may know," Keith whispered eyes never leaving Shiro's vitals

Krolia's ear twitched at the loaded moment. Her son normal just blunt about things. This seem hesitant. Almost afraid. He was rarely afraid.

"Have any of you heard of one coughing up flower petals?" Keith almost didn't want to say it out loud but he had to know

Allura frowned her eyes moving from Shiro to Keith who didn't even seem to blink. Krolia also frowned adjusting her gaze to her son.

"It use to be common for Alteans actually," Allura started, "It is rather dangerous. Typically starts with just minor coughing then goes on to full flowers if not addressed. They can suffocate one. Killing them in a slow painful way."

"How do you end it?"

"Is there something we need to know Keith?" Krolia pressed thinking of the danger her son could be in

Keith shook his head. His eyes narrowing a bit as Shiro's numbers dropped a degree before steadying again for the moment.

"It's not me... I just... thought I saw it somewhere and it's been bugging me. Didn't make sense."

Allura seemed to sigh a bit in relief, "Well that tends to be the issue. It's called Hanahki Disease or the flower curse at times. It is born out of a one sided love. The one who coughs the flowers is romantically in love with someone very dearly but the other does not return the love. The only way to end it is the one they love must naturally fall in love with them, not forced or tricked, or there is always the surgery."

"That surgery though," Krolia started finger on her chin in thought, "It is tricky isn't it? They lose the love once the plant is removed. They often can't love again after that."

Allura frowned her eyes lined back to Shiro's virals as they dropped another point. She placed a hand on the pod. Not that she could do more in this moment.

"You are right. They tend not to be able to love let alone trust again. Not to mention in some cases it's not uncommon to lose memory of the loved one. In even more severe cases they lose memory of all loved ones. Romantic or not. They don't recall any friends or family after. It can be truly heartbreaking." Allura's voice seemed to drift

So Lance was in danger. Keith guesses that he hasn't bothered mentioning it to anyone either. Why wouldn't he? He could die. He was putting himself at risk for what? Who had he fallen in love with that much anyway.

Then it hit him and he couldn't help but glance at her.

Allura

Of course. Lance had always liked her to almost an extravagant point. He hadn't hidden it. So he must have truly fallen for her when Keith was gone. Maybe even before.

"What happens if they run out of time without the help? And how long do they normally have?" Keith swallowed hard mind spinning on how he could fix this

"Well they die. The flowers fill and squeeze the lungs till they can no longer breath. Extremely painful death. As for how long well that's the tricky part," Allura's finger on her chin

Keith took his eyes fully off Shiro for the first time and turned toward Allura. He tried to keep the desperation off his face but he could feel it building inside him. How long did Lance have?

"Typically by the time they start coughing up actual petals it has already been some time. Once they start coughing up full flowers they have only a few movements left. The speed of it however varies per situation. The average is anywhere from eight to twelve phoebs. Some can last as long as sixteen though in some cases but I've heard of some that only last a mere three phoebs. It's really not an easy way to tell without scans."

Keith nodded dumbly looking back at Shiro. Panic swelling inside him fully. He had to help him. He had to help Lance. When he gets back... they will talk when he gets back. Lance was a key paladin of Voltron. They couldn't afford to lose him.

"What's with the-" But Krolia was interrupted but the levels on Shiro's pod suddenly dropping again

Keith slammed his fist on the pod, "Fight Shiro. Please. Keep fighting."

Keith held his breath and closed his eyes begging every entity to help. Just once. Let luck turn their way. Let him win this. Shiro deserved to go back home. Back to Adam.

There was a gasp as suddenly the light shone on the pod signaling he was waking. His stats suddenly adjusting. Not perfect but much much better. The pod opened and Shiro sat up quickly.

Keith felt himself smile without hesitation as Shiro's eyes focused on him. The door behind them slid open and the group came in.

"Well Shiro is lookin better!" Lance said as soon as he walked in a big goofy grin on his face

Keith felt his attention shift from Shiro to Lance. Taking in the boy. He seemed happy. Didn't seem to be struggling. But now Keith knew. Knew what was growing inside him. How much danger he was in.

He needed to help Lance now. Lance was now his mission and he planned on making sure he would never lose the memory of those he loved. A slight ache ran through him as he realized what it meant.

He was going to have to help Allura fall in love with Lance.

Chapter Text

Keith was waiting for his chance. He would see Lance dart here and there but never staying in one place very long. They were just waiting for Pidge to finish scanning the lions before heading to Earth. Back home.

Home

Man it had been awhile. The way the team seem to light up at the idea of finally going home. After all this time. Lance had started rambling in Spanish almost bouncing around Hunk once the whole idea actually came into place.

And while Keith felt that distant bit of excitement to see Earth again there was a more pressing matter.

Lance

Keith finally cornered him as he found Lance had let Kaltenecker out for some grazing time before they left. Lance sat perched on a rock set not far from her seeming to be writing in a fairly tattered blue notebook.

"What are you doing?" Keith drew Lance's attention away from the book

Lance's eyes widen slightly as he closed it a slight blush appearing on his face. He looked back down at it rubbing a thumb over a heavy crease on the front. Most likely from it being rolled a few times.

"It's nothing... just for my family," Lance muttered seeming like he was still debating on hiding it

Keith cautiously stepped forward eyeing the book. Looked like a standard blue notebook they had you use in class but with some alien writing on the front instead. Heavily tattered. Some stains or small tears like it had been through every bit of space with Lance too. So why hadn't he seen it before?

"What is it... specifically?" Keith tried again standing in front of Lance looking at the book

Lance fumbled with it slightly red

"It doesn't matter you are just going to make fun of me," he said quietly

"Says who?"

"Says every other time," Lance muttered effectively putting it behind his back

Keith sighed sitting now on the rock formation having to look up at Lance. Lance returned his gaze annoyed the typically flirty cockiness gone. Lance still hadn't forgotten the first words Keith had spoken to him right before the whole evil Lotor thing. They only had a minute after the fight when Lance insisted Keith's injuries needed attention.

But Lance was avoiding Keith for a reason. He was mad. He had every right to be he thinks... not that it matters. Lance had tried his whole life to one up Keith. The whole rivalry where he was always second best had stuck with him here even as teammates. Even as they became best friends. It was always still there in the back of his mind haunting him.

Then he just leaves. Leaves the team. Leaves Lance. Running around the galaxy self sacrificing himself at any possible moment. Of course he had the right to be mad.

And now after all of this Keith suddenly decides to take an interest in him in a non competitive way? Lance just felt it was a trick... right? Or had his magical time on the stupid space whale changed him somehow.

"I'm not leaving till you tell me," Keith firmly added eyes not wavering

Lance gave a few minutes and sighed pulling it out from behind him. Once again running a thumb over the worn cover.

"I may have kinda accidentally stole it... when we got Kaltenecker. Well ok maybe not stole it it may have been a part of the deal I'm not really sure I forgot to ask... but I just write in it about the stuff that happens I guess. So I can give it to them if I got back home."

"If?" Keith caught that small detail as it seemed to annoy him

"Well I mean just in case right? We are in space fighting a war after all I'm not an idiot I know what that includes. We've seen what happens already."

Silence fell between them for a bit. Mentally thankful they were still here to have this conversation. They had been lucky.

"Aren't you suppose to be the positive one?" Keith asked with a small smile

Lance snorted thinking of how he was properly one of the least positive of the group. With himself anyway. He just made sure the others didn't feel it. They needed to stay positive.

"Anyway... I kinda needed to speak to you..." Keith suddenly felt hit was a bit of nerves

Lance did that stupid head tilt that the wolf also did that Keith could always feel his willpower weaken at. It was so adorable no matter who did it apparently.

"I... saw what happened in Red right before we left the castle... with the petals..."

Keith held his breath. Did Lance even know what he was dealing with? Was he going to be mad and Keith for spying. Was it really spying though?

"Oh don't worry about it it's nothing," Lance quickly brushed off the subject clutching his book looking over at Kaltenecker ready to run back to Red and avoid this

"No Lance please," these words caused him to freeze

How often has Keith said please to him like that? In such a desperate begging tone?

Never really.

"Do you even know what it is? The danger you are in? In all seriousness Lance do you even know what is happening?"

Lance avoided looking at Keith as he shook his head. He heard Keith groan mumbling under his breath. Lance was ready to argue back to defend himself. He was going to get called an idiot again wasn't he.

"Look Keith I don't have time for this ok. We can talk later. We have a long trip back to Earth. I'm sure you have time to get after me then."

Lance stood letting his feet slide down the rocks sending small bits running for cover. His landing didn't even seem jostled as he stepped down toward Kaltenecker.

"Wait Lance no it's important please!" Keith wrapped a hand on the upper part of Lance's arm gently asking him to stop

It worked.

Lance slowly turned and faced Keith looking annoyed but in truth he was terrified. Keith never had acted like this in the past. Why did this matter so much? Was this really a bad thing or just an alien thing he picked up along the way?

"It's called Hanahki Disease or flower disease. Flowers bloom inside you suffocating you and making you cough up petals and eventually flowers. Lance if you don't take care of it you will die. We need to figure this out."

But did it even matter

"What even causes it?" Lance licked his lips trying to settle his breathing

"Unrequited love."

Lance snorted shoving his hands in his pockets kicking the small cluttered rocks that had tried to escape from him earlier, "Perfect just perfect," he muttered

Keith also placed his hands back in his pockets. This was the stuff he wasn't good at. The emotional, talking of feelings stuff. He needed to though. Lance couldn't hide the worry now on his face. The same worry that had been building but he had just refused to stress anyone else about.

"So what I'm screwed? That's it? All because I fell for someone who could never love me back. Because I'm an absolute idiot. An idiot. Why why why why why!"

Why did it have to be HIM!

"You're not screwed... there are a couple ways... to help I guess," Keith felt the blue eyes quickly fasten to him at full attention

"The first is hopefully have other person fall in love with you. Can't trick them or use magic or anything has to be like... not forced you know..."

Lance ran a hand over his face. That small dip of hope he had held onto waaaaaaaay back then absolutely gone at this point.

"Lance...." Keith swallowed hard testing it, "Lance if it's Allura we-"

"It's not Allura," Lance interrupted startling Keith

"Since when?" Keith couldn't hold the shock from his voice

Lance shrugged, "you've... you've missed a lot."

"Then wait who is it?"

Lance let the question linger in the air. His eyes fixed on the ground letting his thoughts simmer. After the last few days he hadn't been able to let his thoughts simmer at all. Did he know the answer to the question? Yeah. Was he ready to have his already breaking heart beat into the ground a bit more by the rejection? Absolutely not.

"It was just some alien girl on one of our trips... I just thought I really liked her and it was mutual. We stayed in contact for a bit but then she just... left. Not long after is when this all started..."

"Lance...."

Lance waved him off. He could hear the poor Lance tone growing. Not today. He had enough of today.

"What's another way," Lance prompted still looking at the ground

"You can get them surgically removed... but there are complications often with it where it's so tricky," Keith blinked trying to focus back

What had he missed? All that time away Lance had moved on from Allura and fell for another girl. Lover boy at his finest... love really would be his downfall.

"Complications?"

"Yeah. You lose the love for that person... it's not uncommon for someone never to fall in love again after. Also you can lose memories not just if the one who caused this... but all your friends and family," Keith let his voice trail now know this was the only option for Lance and a sharp pain seemed to leak through him for the boy

"Any other options?" Lance seemed to fake the optimism in his voice as he asked

"You let them kill you... but that's not an option on the table here ok. We aren't going to let that happen."

"Alright mullet," Lance chuckled, "so I guess I've got to find myself someone who knows how to remove them huh. Maybe we can get lucky and find one on our way back to Earth."

"I can start searching but Lance just take it easy till then ok. Take care of yourself for a bit."

"Yeah oh and Keith!"

Keith looked to Lance who was now next to Kaltenecker getting ready to bring her back in his notebook held in his left hand.

"Please don't tell the others ok... I haven't told them because I don't want them to freak out. We have enough stuff to deal with already. They don't need another thing added to the list."

"But Lance they are your teammates. Friends. Shouldn't you-" but Lance shook his head

"Please Keith. Just between you and me."

Keith could feel those blue eyes begging. The worry still in them. The fear. Keith didn't know how to make it go away. To comfort him. To give him what he really needed. So he just nods.

"Between you and me."

The moment Lance entered Red he pulled back out that tattered blue notebook and pencil. Dulled tip, eraser basically useless at this stage, but it didn't matter. Lance's hand hesitated over the paper for just half a second collecting the thoughts of what just happened.

"Momma I messed up."

Chapter Text

They have had better days...

Like seriously... it has just been one thing after another.

The alert sounded while they were at the Mamora base that they were being attacked... again.

Lance was really starting to regret this whole taking a robotic blue lion into space thing.

Now here they were trapped waiting for Coran to be their savior... Great.

"Will you stop it," Keith hissed at Lance who was still looking for secret passages

"Do you have a better plan?"

Keith did not. But what good was kicking different sections of the wall at this point. Krolia was staring out of the door keeping watch while the others also seemed about as useless as Keith felt in that moment.

Keith's focus suddenly changed as Lance stifled a cough from near the door earning a glare from Krolia. Keith felt his worry pitch up to his throat. Lance wanted to keep this a secret. If he started coughing up petals everyone would know.

"Lance, I thought you were getting Coran to taking care of that cough?" Allura said tilting her head towards him a bit

"It's nothing. Swear," Lance said waving a hand to her going back to examine the walls

His face changed though it no longer seemed to be fixated at the walls. Instead he licked his lips and seemed to be trying to steady his breathing. Trying to prevent another fit.

"We just need to patient. Things will work out. They always do," Keith let his voice carry through to the others more to draw attention away from Lance than anything

"Since when were you the motivational type?" Lance muttered tuning around finally

"Shut up Lance," Pidge said causing Lance to roll his eyes

Time seemed to drag on. Everyone occasionally switching spots to keep from their limbs becoming numb. Keith kept feeling his eyes wander over to Lance then to Shiro. Neither of these two should be here. Shiro was still healing. Lance was well... Lance

Krolia backed from the door and soon footsteps could be heard from the outside. A whole group. Too many to fight against like this. Sure enough the door opened to more guards and surprise rolled over the group as some of Lotor's generals came through as well. The questions started rolling but they had no answers to them. They were there too right they should know.

Ezor made a move toward Pidge but Lance dove in the way only to be quickly slammed into the wall and have a blaster pointed at him. Keith took a step toward him but froze as another blaster was aimed at him. Lance coughed a bit as he adjusted position keeping an eye on the blaster pointed toward him.

Ezor laughed at the boy's poor attempt and in another flash had Pidge dangling in the air. Panic now filled the bones of those in the room as Pidge was no longer safe. Keith's eyes now darting to the paladins in the most danger a plan sinking in.

Just jump in front of them. Take the hit for them.

But before Keith could react an alert started. Red lights flashed around grabbing everyone's attention. Obviously annoyed they were interrupted from getting their information Ezor and Zethrid quickly left to handle the situation.

"When that door reopens we are going to rush the guard," Krolia whispered to the group

Everyone rushed to position waiting only to have the door open to the mice. Lance couldn't help but let out a snicker at the sight of the mice standing atop of the guard. They sure were very useful. Lance's good mood soured at the look of Keith's face at the mention of Acxa's name.

It also seemed to trigger that stupid tickle in his throat. He tried to clear it but had to cave and lean over to cough. He felt a hand on his back as he quickly prevented a stray petal from sliding past his lips.

"Seriously Lance as soon as we are out of here Coran is taking a look at you," Hunk said patting his back

Lance blinked back the water forming in his eyes as he stood feeling the eyes of the group on him.

"I'm fine guys. Let's just go," and Lance peaked his head around the corner before moving out

The group moved swiftly through eventually finding Coran. Lance and Keith quickly support the Altean and began the search for their bayards. This was the first time since Keith had been back that he felt in work with the team. Maybe it was just being this close to them for the first time in so long. He couldn't help but sneak glances over at Lance besides him.

He had changed. This was the first time he got to actually see him in this type of setting since he had been back. He had grown so much in the time Keith had left with the blade. It hurt. He really had been better off without him.

Lance motioned for them to stop as they approached a room. They peaked and spotted a pair of guards joking around with the bayards and helmets. Lance felt at ease with Keith stepping to the side letting Lance take control of the team even if it was just for a bit. They didn't have much time to think of a plan however as Coran, in his slightly disoriented state, gave away their position.

Lance felt the panic spread as he turned to Keith hoping he had thought of a plan. Keith had his eyes closed in thought. Lance was tempted to reach a hand to him to bring him back but was struggling as it was to keep Coran under control.

Keith suddenly leaped into the room bayard in hand and in a matter of seconds had the pair down. The others rushed in to claim their gear. Lance still blinking slightly in surprise.

"Lance, lead the way. Keep the team together."

Wait... wait... why me... Why not Shiro...

Keith moved past the others as they tossed the correct gear to the correct paladin but Lance caught Keith's arm as he moved passed him.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Acxa saved our skin, I'm not going to leave her behind."

There it is was again. That feeling in Lance's stomach that tickled his throat. That annoying little pest. Lance fought the urge to clear his throat.

"No. No I won't leave you behind," Lance tightened his grip on Keith's arm

"You won't. I'll catch up. Promise," Keith flashed Lance one of those small half smiles before sliding his arm out of Lance's grip and leaving

Lance felt that cloud come back in an instant. The same cloud that came the first time Keith left. Now it felt more present. Heavier. No... I won't lose him today.

"Let's get to the lions," Lance sighed as everyone finished tugging on the rest of their gear

No one seemed to question why Keith put Lance in charge and not Shiro. Except for Lance but now wasn't the time to question the Mullet head's dumb decisions. They managed a clear path to the lions for the most part only cutting down a few guards here and there. Then they waited.

Lance was getting more and more on edge the longer Keith went without contact. Drumming on his leg. He was struggling to swallow and tried once again to clear his throat and hold off the coughing. Then there he was. His voice asking to fire in on his position.

Lance felt his heart lighten but his worry grew. Keith must be in trouble.

They took aim at the ship sending their beams to Keith's position. An explosion rocked the ship sending Lance's heart to his throat.

Where was he... Keith come on...

Black suddenly flew toward a section of smoke and Keith appeared dragging Acxa behind him. Lance felt his shoulders sag in relief as Keith entered black but couldn't fight the cough anymore. He quickly removed his helmet almost landing on his knees at the force of the cough. Petals slipping past his lips tickling his throat as they came up.

They regrouped finding a planet to cover on for a bit. The lions in terrible shape from the tiny battle. Lance exited Red his eyes attempting to locate Keith. Relief swallowed him the moment Keith's eyes met Lance giving him a small nod. Acxa appearing just behind him.

They began to take cover in a cave. Making a fire for warmth. Lance moved toward the space wolf and began to treat his injuries to the best of his abilities. The wolf licking and nudging him lightly in response. He felt Keith's eyes lock in on him sending warmth crawl up his collar bone to his face. The wolf licking at the redness now on his cheeks.

"Catch us up... A lot seems to have changed in a few weeks," Lance said now seating himself next to Allura well aware Keith's eyes followed

"Weeks? Its been three deca-phoebs since Voltron was last spotted..."

Acxa's words seemed to roll over the group. Three years gone. Three years without Voltron. Everyone must have thought they were dead...

Lance felt like the wind had been sucked from him. Everyone... He had already left his family but they knew because of Pidge's father he was alive. The recording. But if word got out that Voltron was dead... His family...

The conversation rolled on over Lance. He could only hear bits and pieces. About how Acxa's path lead her to Keith. Lotor being power hunger. It all didn't matter in that moment Lance couldn't take it anymore.

Lance felt his feet drag him out the room. Arms folded over his chest eyes already stinging.

"Wait Lance," Pidge's voice echoed to him as she stood to reach him

Lance however was already out of the entrance moving off to the side trying to control the tears a bit longer. He felt a small tentative hand reach his shoulder almost the moment his knees hit the ground. Tears streaming at this point. He failed at holding them back.

"Lance," Pidge's voiced seemed cracking with effort as well

Her eyes struggling to focus on the boy in front of her as her tears were also flowing over.

"They probably think we are dead Pidge. Our family. We have to hurry to them. Pidge... my Mama..." Lance's voice cracked again

"I know Lance we... we will see them... we will," Pidge's voice almost drowned by her tears

Lance reached over wrapping her into a hug. The pair clinging to each other as the tears flowed. It wasn't till several hesitant minutes later did they feel the soothing palms of another. Hunk now joining in the hug fighting back his own tears.

Lance moved a hand to his mouth unable to hide this cough from the others. He caught the few petals that slipped through quickly crushing them in his hand as he readjusted his hug on Pidge.

They needed to get home but Lance wasn't even sure if he had enough time to get back to his family anymore.

Chapter Text

They were almost ready to leave again for the long journey home. Then Allura just had to be THAT person.

"Oh Lance! Coran! Could you come here please!"

The thought had completely left his mind. There hadn't been a tickle or cough since the small cry session with Pidge and Hunk. He thought he was in the clear. He was wrong.

"Coran if that pod we used for Shiro is still operational can we give Lance a quick scan before we leave? He's had a pesky cold and it's been a tad worrying."

It took all of Lance's might not to glare at the princess in that moment.

"No problem we can get right on that!" Coran said quickly steering Lance towards Black who still had the pod in her

     Lance began to feel himself panic. The pod would tell Coran... his secret out to even more people. He hadn't wanted Keith to know but he had to be Keith and know anyway. Coran too? He surely would say something to the others.

     "Oh hey, what are you two up to?"

     Keith!

     "We are finally getting Lance's stubborn cold checked before we leave. I'm a bit low on meds so I don't want to waste time guessing rather just know what it is!" Coran said with an odd amount of joy

     Lance took his shot sending a pleading look at Keith. Anything to keep him out. The others couldn't know. They have enough to worry about.

     "I can take him from here and let you know the results. I think Pidge had some questions she wanted to ask you before takeoff."

     Keith was an absolute God sent

     "Oh ok! Let me know what it says and I'll be sure to give it to you before we leave!"

     Relief flooded through Lance. He seriously owed Keith. He could ask for his first born at this point and he would give it to him.

     "You know it wouldn't be a bad idea to put you in and see how it all is... if it can even tell us," Keith muttered as soon as Coran was out of earshot

     "I don't want to waste your time Keith, I'm sure you have things to-"

     "They are already going to think you are in it anyway so might as well. Plus I'm ready to go already. I don't have anything to do," Keith cut Lance off before he could continue

     Lance sighed and followed Keith toward the pod. Hesitating slightly as he grabbed the pod suit. Keith was still in the room and didn't seem to intend on leaving for him to change.

     Lance felt his face redden slightly at the thought. So he kept his back to Keith while changing. Attempting to slide on the suit as quickly as possible getting a leg trapped at one point forcing him to hop around for an extra moment. But he didn't hear any laughter.

     "Is... is that the scar from saving Coran?"

     Lance felt his whole face flush as he zipped the final bit. Not ready to turn and face Keith just yet.

     "Yeah... guess you haven't really seen it since what the pool?"

     Keith fought off his own blush remembering the day.

     "It was still healing then. I thought maybe the pod was going to heal it completely. You know Altean magic stuff," Keith muttered the final half

     Lance simply shrugged finally turning around to step into the pod. He felt Keith's eyes linger a tad longer than normal sending his face into another heat. He quickly tried to shake it off and gave a deep breath as Keith shut the pod and began his work.

     Keith watched as Lance's eyes fluttered shut and the pod began to scan. That gnawing worry  still deep inside his bones.

He had been gone for two years only to come back and find Lance like this. Suffering because some stupid alien girl who didn't love him back. Granted a very similar position to when he left. Lance, out of everyone who gave his heart into everything and to everyone, didn't deserve this. Just tossed aside. He had done the same though. When he first came back.

I don't have time for this, Lance

And he constantly regretted it. There just wasn't the time at the moment. He needed to apologize... he just didn't know how.

He had never been good with this... the feelings part. He had panicked when he first realized that the constant bickering and annoyance of Lance was actually endearing. When he realized he actually liked Lance he really panicked. Lance had really stepped up when they needed him... when Keith need him... he knew that. He just didn't expect for a crush to develop in the process.

The time with the blade however did him some good. He was able to shake it off. Focus. Keep his mind on the mission. Soon he wasn't thinking about Lance everyday life went back to normal for him.

But it didn't feel right.

When he got stuck on that whale Lance was there everyday. All the time. In memories he recognized in others he didn't. The others were often there too but... Lance was there the most. Shiro too but the feeling... was not the same. He began to despise Lance a bit for it. Constantly being in his mind. That was really why he snapped when he finally got back.

     Now he realized how much he had actually missed him. It still wasn't the same though as before. Not really missing like in the crush sense... just missing him. They had become friends after all. It was hard not to miss Lance anyway.

     The figures were finally popping up just as the pod opened for Lance who stumbled out slipping slightly. Keith quickly caught him before he could fall keeping an arm on him as he regained control of his limbs. He quickly tried to stifle a cough but failed as several red petals slipped past his lips to the floor.

     They would almost be beautiful if they were going to kill him.

     "What's it say," Lance wheezed

     He looked up from his slight curl to see a slightly worried Keith still holding him. Arms tight around his waist keeping him up. He blinked a few times before turning his attention back to the screen.

     "I still am not the best at reading Altean... so far nothing we didn't already know... there is a medication that can help ease the coughing and pain... Are you in pain?"

     "Not really. At least not yet..." Lance answered finally able to stand on his own

     "Ummm not really seeing much help on anything else... wait hold on," Keith scrolled glancing through looking for maybe any person or planet that could help

     However this was seriously outdated at this point chances are whoever listed probably couldn't help anyway. Then it caught his eye.

     "What?" Lance had noticed the pause in Keith's scrolling

     "Four months... we have four months to get this taken care of."

     "Maybe we will get lucky and find someone on the way..." but the hope was gone from Lance's voice as well as his eyes, "Let's be honest though it's not worth the panic."

     Keith had never seen his blue eyes so dull.

     "Lance we will figure it out ok... we will find someone... maybe we can contact someone I promise we-" But lance shook his head at Keith cutting him off

     "Don't make promises. It's ok... really Keith. The chances we find someone between here and Earth with the rate the lions are going... not looking good man."

     "I thought I said leave the math to Pidge," this earned Keith a weak smile

     "Pretty sure our math would match this time. I'll go get the meds from Coran," Lance turned hands in his pockets shoulders slumped

     The hope gone

     "Wait Lance no we will figure this out. Lance... Lance please come on."

     But Lance already stepped out of Black and was heading of to meet Coran with Pidge.

     Keith felt his hand drop to his side. A dark empty feeling rose in him again. The same feeling as he had all that time on the whale. This time he knew though if he didn't help Lance the feeling would be permanent.

Chapter Text

     The voyage home was long and dull. The vast heaviness of space folded around the group feeding their fears, stress, and panic of what awaited for them.

     Lance however had the extra worry of trying to figure out his death. He was already prepping in every way possible. Well he thinks he's is. There wasn't exactly a nice little say goodbye from space hand guide he could follow.

     He cleared his throat again as his hands stroke the lines of his notebook. Knowing his final words and adventures were all there for his family. As for the others, he still wasn't sure how he was going to tell them. He didn't want to add to the stress they were already under.

     He wasn't worried about it this second anyway. They were still flying their lions back home. A long long long long way back home.

     It was rather dull.

     Lance couldn't help but nod off a time or two. He must have closed his eyes a second too long because he suddenly felt things change around him. When he opened his eyes he was surprised to be standing besides Hunk and Pidge.

Bright lights and some guy called... Bob... came to view shouting all sorts of things getting the crowd riled up. Wait... crowd?

Lance looked around some more seeing the others just as confused and he was. He turned toward Allura hoping for an explanation but she only shrugged. The floating creature began talking though Lance wasn't really listening he was too busy clearing his throat when he realized what was happening.

"Did you say we'll be trapped here for the rest of eternity?" Pidge exclaimed from besides him

Lance felt his jaw drop as he refocused his attention to the one in front of him. Here for eternity? Well the others would be he doesn't have much time left anyway but come on. That seems a bit harsh. They were the saviors of the universe after all.

Lance wasn't paying much attention to the rules but suddenly Keith got zipped to the front to draw. Lance struggled not laughing at the fact they stuck a pacifier in his mouth though he had the huge urge to fix his hair. Suddenly the timer started and Keith began to draw. Hunk and Pidge jump into guesses so Lance tries as well. Only to get sassed by Pidge.

They continue Lance throwing anything that came to his mind in desperate attempt to guess something. Keith however was really sucked at drawing... to Lance anyway

"Lance will you stop talking!" Allura finally snapped

Lance flinched falling silent watching in confusion as they began to introduce a new team. Lance clenched his hands to stop the shaking. He was in a panic. That's part of why he couldn't stop talking. He couldn't let his friends stay here for eternity. He had to think of something.

"Windy cave?" Keith's pissed off sigh came from his left

"Hey I'm not a mind reader," Lance retorted trying to refocus

He shook his head only to here Zarkon yell "The dumb one!"

It took awhile for Lance to realize he was talking about him. That feeling of useless dread spread through his core. Great... The dumb one. He should have just left Voltron when he had first thought about stepping aside. He was about to cost them their chance at freedom and they all knew it.

Sure enough it was a disaster.

"I'm just not really good with names. I'll get the next one," he tried to boost his team's confidence in him but he could feel his own fading fast

His hands shaking so bad at this point he couldn't hide it. He quickly covered his mouth as he hid another cough, grateful no petals came up. Bob sent him a quizzical look before he began to show him the Snick. More panic seared through Lance as he saw the creature and quickly begged for the next face to be easy.

He got a break. Bii-Boh-Bi! He knew that! His hands still shaking with such force at this point he knew others could see. He let out a shaky breath only to be shoved into another round... and at this point it was just guessing. How the heck was he supposed to even understand the questions then give an answer! Why him! Why not Pidge?

Sure enough he ended up in the Warflator. That was supposed to eat him alive apparently? Though it actually felt kinda nice. Lance leaned back trying to relax and control his breath to prevent the coughing fit that was brewing inside him. He couldn't let the others know. There was too much on the line right now and he hadn't helped one bit.

Pidge was next and Lance felt rather hopeful for once. Pidge really gave them the chance. Well that was till she tackled Bob. She quickly had him pinned and for a brief moment Lance had hope this was all over. An alarm rang through and suddenly he and Pidge were zapped back to their original positions.

"Ok guys hold on now. Let's not get tooooo feisty now. I'll give you your dumb one back and let's move on to the next one. Now which one of you would know the most about your team huh?" Bob asked wiggling his eyebrows at the group

Fingers that had originally pointed toward Pidge when asked for the smart one now pointed to Hunk. Maybe Hunk had the chance of setting them free. Lance's hands seemed to settle a bit watching the big guy smile confidently at the crowd.

"Now Hunk what I am going to do is ask you some questions about your paladin buddies here and you answer who it is got it?"

"Uh sure I guess," Hunk shrugged earning a laugh from the crowd

"Alright first question! Let's start easy shall we. Which one of you has the biggest family?"

Hunk's body visibly relaxed several degrees at the simplicity of the question.

"Lance for sure!"

"Correct! Next question, Which one of the paladins tends to leave the biggest mess?"

"Sorry that would be Pidge," Hunk said looking slightly embarrassed but Pidge simply shrugged and nodded

"That too is correct! Well you are definitely doing much better then for other paladins so lets crank up the intensity! How many of your paladins are straight hmmm?"

All the paladins shared confused looks over this. This was never really a talked about subject on the ship let alone prior. Not to mention this was a super off the wall question.

"Uhhhhh well I don't actually know so I am going to have to guess... Wait are we counting Shiro in this? As he is a former and well current paladin as far as we are concerned?"

"Sure why not but tick tick you are running out of time!"

"Uhhhh oh man four I guess..."

They all flinched as the wrong buzzer rang through dumping a pile of goo on Hunk.

"Oooo sorry the correct answer for that is actually three! While some of you may still be questioning at the moment three of you are confirmed!"

"Wait who did he forget?" Pidge spoke quickly looking at Bob in confusion

"I knew Keith and Shiro. It's not me so it's one you three," Hunk said scooping goo from his face

Lance turned red biting his lip suddenly realizing while he had trusted Hunk with a lot he had never actually mentioned it. Lance felt a quivering hand raise slightly as Bob rounded on him pointing.

"Bingo loverboy Lance doesn't mind switching it up every now and then do you Lance! Let's see if Allura can do any better with the next few," Bob said and with a wave Hunk returned to his spot and Allura replaced him

Lance could feel the eyes and look of shock on the other's face as they stared at him. He felt like digging a hole and jumping in never to show his face again. He wouldn't get that lucky though. He continued to face forward as Allura got some questions but he didn't hear a single one of them though. He was too busy burying himself in his imaginary grave.
    
     Another loud buzz and drop of goo drew him out of his haze.

     "Sorry Princess the correct answer would be Hunk! Let's bring Keith in for one final question!"

     The pair switched spots and Lance noticed Pidge absolutely red in the face rubbing her forehead in frustration. He suddenly wondered what he had just missed as Allura also looked fairly embarrassed.

     "Ok Keith one more question for points. Then we go to the final round! How you feeling Keith?"

     "Just ask the question," Keith's voice rather threatening sending a chill through Lance

     "Ok ok! Here it is, which of your fellow paladin have been brought back from the other side?"

     Keith tilted his head eyes scrunched in confusion.

     "Brought back?"

     "Yes my dear. Like from the veil. The brink. The other side. Death."

     Lance felt himself pale. Allura and him quickly shared a look realizing the issue. Keith didn't know. No one did. Lance had made sure of it.

     "Just Shiro," Keith said firmly

     Lance and Allura flinched before the buzzer could go off and the goo fall. But it did. Soon Keith was covered a heat rising in his face.

     "There is no way that is wrong!" He shouts shaking himself free of the goo

     "I believe that's where you are wrong Keith and we even have a clip of it to show you.  Let's take a look shall we?"

     Lance swallowed hard as he glanced at the screen in front of them. Sure enough there it was. Lance pushing Allura out of the way being struck by the beam. Allura rushing over to Red to find Lance quiet. The glow and Lance gasping as air refilled his lungs.

     Absolute shame filled Lance as he refused to look at the group. He didn't need to see them. He knew. They were mad. He could feel it radiating off them. The heat of it overpowering.

     "Lance..." Pidge's voice croaked from besides him

     He flinched as she tried to place a hand on his shoulder. He finally starred back at the screen that had just gone clear and he could see the reflection of Keith staring into it as well. Pale face, tight jaw, look of... well he wasn't sure but an unpleasant look nonetheless was across Keith's face.

     Great he was going to hear about his big mess up later.

     "Well seems like there is a lot of secrets Lance has been keeping from the rest of the team huh. Well let's give a hand to them folks they still have one final round to get through and hopefully they can win their freedom!"

     The crowd around them cheered as they went to a quick commercial break. Keith now rejoined the rest keeping a terrifying glare locked onto Allura.

     "Why did you two not say anything?" Hunk broke through finally voice hardened with tears

     "Because it doesn't matter," Lance said picking up the pen that appeared in front of them

     "But-"

     "Seriously just drop it. We have to finish this," Lance grumbled refocusing on Bob

     This show had turned into absolute hell.

********************************************
Quickly wanted to thank you for your patience I know it's been a hot minute between wedding stuff and getting sick. This chapter was a bit longer than normal as the next one will be too to hopefully make up for it. Also from this point on we are wandering away from the original Voltron timeline that I had been following and sipping more into the differ story so it should be fun! Sorry this chapter was a tad dull I was just hoping to get something out today!

Chapter Text

     "Alright final round! Your vote will set someone free!"

     Or at least it was something along that line. Lance couldn't think anymore. His mind felt like cotton. His throat like sandpaper trying to keep the flowers down. He was so done with this. He was ready for it to end. One way or another.

     Lance tried to glance over at who Hunk was writing down but couldn't see through the barrier. He looked down at his own sheet the pressure mounting on him.

     Who would he want to save?

     Well that was obvious. It was the first name that came to mind. It was the one causing this internal struggle. His love for him was literally killing him.

     Yet

     He wouldn't want him to see him suffer and die here. He had the best connections with the Galra and humans. He really would stand a chance. He was their leader. He loves him. He was the future. Just not Lance's future.

     He swallow hard scribbling the name praying he didn't just out himself to the rest of the team. His hands shaking slightly suppressing a cough as he closed his eyes listening to who the other chose.

But it wasn't like it could get worse right...

Wrong

Lance's eyes flew open letting out a small gasp as he realized he's now back in Red. That line however was ringing in his head.

"I just don't want to be stuck here for eternity with Lance."

Those words struck his bones. His heart felt flat. Numbness would be a great friend right now. Why... why... why?

Lance felt the anger pulse inside him. He could hear the other discussing on the "dream" they just shared but he was done. He had died for someone who had rejected his feelings. Now the one he was dying for one who didn't even want to be stuck with him. He was done.

Lance slammed off his com breaking ranks slightly flying a bit higher than the others. He knew he didn't have the juice right now to just slam on the thrusters to take off so this would have to do.

He was done. He was tired of all of them. He should have just left when Shiro came back.

He slumped in the pilot's chair tilting his face up trying to force himself not to cry. He just wanted to go home.

A small zap startled him from his position. He spun around to see Keith with his wolf.

"No get out. I don't want to hear it."

"Lance your com-"

"No I'm serious get out. I don't want to talk you or any of you right now," Lance growled his whole body shaking in anger at this point

Keith couldn't hide the shock from showing in his face. He had never seen Lance this angry. What right did he have to be angry? Lance was the one who died and told no one! What gave him the right to just think that was ok?

"Lan-" Keith tried again but Lance turned to the wolf this time

"Take him out of here now."

To both Keith and Lance's surprise he obeyed Lance teleporting Keith back to Black.

"Anything?" Pidge asked

Keith could sense the stress rolling off her. Not to mention the others. Lance just cut ranks and shut off his com of course they we worried. Keith buried his head in his hands pressing his palms firmly to his eyelids.

"He won't talk to me. Wouldn't even let me stay. Hunk... you might be the one who has to try. I've... Ive never seen him so angry."

"It's not against you Keith... he's likely more angry at himself." Allura pipped in but Keith shook his head

No... this was his fault. He should have stayed with Voltron not train with the Blade. He should have been there for Lance. He should...

Keith shook his head and felt his Krolia's hand on his shoulder. He turned to the space wolf nodding to the yellow lion. He tipped his head and zipped out.

"Just give it a try Hunk. If not we will let him settle down. He has every right to be upset," Keith muttered slumping into his chair closing his eye

Hunk flinched slightly as the wolf appeared lightly placing a paw in his lap then zapped away.

Hunk blinked slightly realizing he was now in the blue lion with a very angry Lance. Lance's eyes narrowed onto the wolf then Hunk.

"What now?" Lance growled out

Hunk flinched but sat against the wall patting a spot besides him. Lance stood still in his spot. The anger he felt wasn't toward Hunk but that didn't mean he wanted to have to hear it from him to.

"I would say I was checking to see if you are ok but I think that's obvious. Lance... we love you you know that. All of us do. We are just shocked that you've kept so much from us but we aren't mad. Hurts more that you didn't trust us enough to tell us."

"It's not that Hunk..." Lance's voice cracked and he was soon flooded with a round of coughing

"Lance.." Hunk reached out to him as the wolf let out a whine before popping out

Lance couldn't hide this round. There was no way. He felt the petals forcing themselves up his throat. Heavy slick this time. This was different.

The wolf returned with Keith just as Lance finally removed his hand letting the red petals fall to the ground. Keith quickly stepped forward as he noticed some different about these petals.

     They were lined with bits of blood.

     Lance flinched whipping away some blood off the corner of his mouth. Keith felt his soul go cold. His eyes locked into the bits of blood panic spreading rapidly feeling iced bullets form across his forehead.

     "Lance... what... what is this," Hunk croaked from his spot eyes locked on to the flowers

     Keith noticed Lance avoid Hunk's gaze but couldn't avoid the wolf's persistent nudging. Lance sighed digging a hand into the fluff. Too much had happened today. He just wanted to sleep.

     "I can tell him if you want," Keith muttered to Lance relaxing slightly as he received a nod

     Keith nodded to the wolf who returned by his side sending him and Hunk back to their respected places. He seemed to disappear after that. Keith could only assume he had gone back to comfort Lance.

     "So what the hell is going on Keith?" Hunk asked back over the com

     Keith sighed closing his eyes. The words feeling sick in his throat. The absolute weight sinking in that he had lost Lance once and he was about to again.

     "Lance has something call Hanahki Disease"

Chapter Text

Lance stayed cut off from the others for awhile. He resumed formation and opened his com one way so he could hear but wouldn't respond. He just needed time.

Kosmo, as the team finally declared, spent most his time with Lance. Occasionally visiting the other Paladins or teleporting items and food to other lions as needed. Then he always went back to Lance. Often staying besides him just resting his head on Lance's lap.

Lance just needed time... well really he was stalling. The others had tied notes to Kosmo seeing Lance had cut off his com trying to reach him. Sending encouragement. That they would find a solution.

No one mentioned being angry... but they wouldn't admit it over a letter. Lance just didn't want to hear the anger... the pity. He knew it was coming.

Keith told Lance he just told them the basics. How long he had. Who caused it. How long they knew. That was it.

But then... that's all Keith really knew.

Lance looked at his hands which seemed unable to stop shaking every since that day. It made him sick to his stomach thinking about it. His secret out there for the others to know. Openly able to judge and pity him till he's on his death bed.

     The coughing seemed worse too. Now blood joining the occasional mix of petals that slipped from his mouth. Kosmo would whine every time it happened. Nudging Lance's arm trying to distract him from the pain.

     It was about five days after the fact when Lance finally asked Kosmo to bring him someone. The one person he could think of that had felt as lonely and miserable as he had. He ran his hand through Kosmo's fur as he asked him to bring her and with a pop he was gone.

     Lance stayed on the cot that he had in Red strangling his pillow into his chest just waiting. His eyes stinging violently trying to keep the tears at bay. He needed to know though what was going on. He knew who had going. To be honest with him that's why he called upon her, he knew she wouldn't sugarcoat it.

     A new pop rang through the room Lance only glancing up at Kosmo who teleported just before him. He let his eyes wander toward the hand on his collar and to it's owner. Pidge.

     "Hey Lance."

     Her voice was quiet. Hesitant. She was just as terrified being called on as Lance had been calling her here.

     She sat besides him on the bed placing a hand on top of his head. Relief swam through her as he sigh and snuggled toward her. Pidge just stroked his hair unsure why she of all of them had been brought here. She wasn't Keith, who Lance had trusted with the secret to begin with. Nor was she Hunk, Lance's most trusted friend. Even Allura or Coran who knew more about this alien stuff would have been a better choice. So why her?

     Lance scooted over gesturing for Pidge to lay besides him. She did letting Lance wrap himself around her letting his breath settle as he kept the tears at bay with every inch of his being. Pidge tightened her grip thinking back to all the times she snuck to Lance's room in secret while she was desperately searching for Matt and her dad. After countless dead ends and nights of just pure hell thinking of what could have possibly happened to her family she would seek the one bit of family she had near. Lance.

     Without Matt Lance became her big brother in a way. The corny jokes, the over protective ways he handled things when it came to her, and even times like those nights when she just needed a hug. Even at 2am.

     "How mad is everyone?" Lance finally muttered into her shirt

     "No one is mad Lance. Just confused. Why didn't you tell us earlier?" Pidge kept stroking his hair trying to get his heart rate to settle

     "I didn't want it to be something else we had to deal with. I figured it would just be easier on everyone."

     "No," Pidge said firmly, "We need you Lance. I don't know how you got it in that brain of yours that you are unneeded or the weakest link but it's not true. I'm sorry if we never did a good job showing it. I know we get too obsessed in our own works sometimes but I've never heck we've never meant for you to feel like that Lance. We love you. You are our friend , brother, and fellow Paladin. We would be lost without you do you understand?"

     Lance lost the battle of keeping the tears at bay. He nodded into Pidge's shirt accidentally letting a sob loose as he did. Pidge squeezes him tight resting her chin on his head giving him the time he needed to settle back down.

     "We will figure this out Lance I promise. Forget that stupid alien girl ok. She wasn't worth it. We will take care of you ok," Pidge soothed to Lance as his breath settled out

     "Sorry," Lance mumbled looking up at Pidge noting her wet shirt

     "Don't worry about it. You've done it plenty of times for me remember," Pidge smiled fondly at the thought

     Lance nodded with a small smile. He cleared his throat slightly pushing the urge of petals back down. It earned a worrying look from Pidge as she pushed his hair out of his face.

     "You need a haircut."

     "Look who's talking," Lance responded tugging the edges of her hair slightly

     She rolled her eyes sitting up watching in amusement as Kosmo now joined the pair in the bed as well. He rested his head on Lance's lap watching Pidge.

     "He's really taken to you huh."

     Lance shrugged running a hand through Kosmo's fur.

     "Look I can talk to the others about keeping off you if you want. But I will figure this out ok. I promise. Keith explained it the best he could but I have a feeling you have been holding out on him too. So I might need to ask questions. If that's ok..."

     "Thank you Pidge," Lance nodded letting a small smile slip to her

     She returned his smile wrapping him up again into another hug before Kosmo zipped her back. Lance stood heading toward the pilot's seat listen in as Pidge began to talk to the others.

     "Can you just... not mention it. To Lance. Don't talk about it behind his back. Don't be nosy. Don't be a dick. He's already going through enough he doesn't need your freakin eyes on it. He's finally allowing us to talk to him and for us to figure this out. If we want to keep our friend and family alive with us we need to work together and save him ok. I won't accept anything less than perfection got it?"

     Lance couldn't help but smile as the responses from the other lions rolled in. He hesitated slightly laying his finger on the switch. He swallows and licked his lips taking a deep and final breath just as Kosmo zipped back in. He clicked the switch turning his com back on.

     "Hey guys."

Chapter Text

Pidge stayed extremely shut out for the next week. She had already been obsessively researching and asking the fellow Alteans questions but she needed... more. There was a major piece missing... how to remove the flowers.

More importantly how to remove the flowers without destroying Lance's feelings.

The more and more Pidge dug the worse it got. The issue was depending how far advanced the flowers had tangled themselves around Lance's lungs and heart the more they affected his feelings. At this stage he was already in a heap of trouble.

The flowers would strip away feelings of love, not just romantic feelings but even love for family and friends. Which was just plain cruel. It could also cost memories. Typically of the lost love but again there were several cases of others losing all or most of their memories.

     There was just no positive evidence for Pidge to dig into.

     The only way it seemed to keep Lance alive and feelings attached would be to convince that alien girl she loved Lance...

     But that was the other issue

     Who was this girl?

     Pidge leaned back in her chair trying to think clearly. It felt like there was a reflective glass booming at her. Like she was missing something staring at her right in the face. But what was it?

     Sure Lance had always been a flirt but falling in love with a random alien girl... that wasn't Allura just didn't make sense.

     "Maybe he's lying to me," she muttered readjusting her glasses

     What if it is Allura... he's just too embarrassed to admit it. Or.... or someone else...

     Pidge turned on a private chat with Keith. Maybe.... maybe he missed something.

     "Hey Keith.  Helllllooooooo. Grumpy boy!"

     "Grumpy?? And what's with the private chat Pidge?" Keith indeed sounded grumpy earning a smug smile from Pidge

     "It's about Lance."

     Pidge chewed her lip slightly to hear to other  line go still. Yup gets his attention every time.

     "Are we positive it isn't Allura he's in love with? That he's not lying because he's embarrassed or something? I just need to know because without the mutual love... I... well I'm not having any luck with a plan B."

     "Why would he lie about it? We all knew he had a thing for Allura it's not like he hid it. It's definitely faltered though... I mean I noticed once I came back from the Blade. He treats her more like a sister now vs the whole flirt thing."

     "Maybe he's embarrassed? Having feelings for something that doesn't return them. So he denies having them to begin with?" Pidge pondered tapping rapidly on her chair's arm

     "How about we not focus on the who and just focus on how to help him," Keith couldn't hid the bit of bitterness in his voice

     "That's the problem... if we want to keep Lance... Lance... the only solution is having the one he loves... love  him back. At this stage Keith... I'm worried. I'm worried we might lose him... or lose what makes him... our Lance you know."

     Her voice was so quiet for that last bit. It sent shards of ice straight to Keith's heart spreading the coldness through his veins with each flutter of his heart. Losing Lance... he already had... technically a few different times. He was lucky each time to get him back.

     But to lose him forever...

     The dread spread tightening his muscles and closing his throat. His whole body felt like pin pricks were being expelled from his body. He had to blink several time to try and refocus.

     He can still save Lance. He can protect him. There had to be a way.

     "I did manage to find an old old old Altean base that held hospital supplies. Obviously over the years Galra moved in and made it their own base but maybe there is a hint in there somewhere."

     Pidge interrupted Keith's thoughts as she sent the file his direction. He quickly opened it to notice it wasn't too far from their current location. A slight wave of hope rolled through his body erasing the pin pricks and letting his shoulders settle and relax back down.

     "I'll have Coran and Krolia look at it. Maybe they will have an idea before hand of what we are getting into. For now we will set course for it. Maybe we will get lucky for once."

     "Aye aye captain," he could hear the sarcasm roll off her tongue

     "Don't call me that," Keith resisted the urge to roll his eyes as she log off

     Keith looked back down at the information in front of him. It was supposed to be abandoned by the Galra. Maybe they were in luck and were right.

     Keith sent the report forward to Krolia and Coran. He could hear the ping from Krolia's device as it can through from the other room. There was a long bit of silence as she scrolled through the information.

     "You all are too loyal to your own... but it should be safe. Last I saw as well it was abandoned. The Galra actually used it for a similar purpose due to the set up. If the Alteans didn't have an information maybe the Galra do," Krolia said now leaning against the frame of the door

     Keith tightened his grip on the controls. Too loyal? That was laughable. He had let Lance down one to many time... he wouldn't fail again.

     "It should take about three days at our current speed correct?"

     "You are right. And yes I agree with Pidge this is a good place to start!" Coran's voice echoed over the mic

     "You hear that guys. Changing course. Taking a detour," Keith said readjusting his lion

     "We really don-"

     "Lance don't you dare finish that," Keith almost snarled

     "But-"

     "Lance," now it was Pidge's voice ringing through

     "Buddy please just let us try..."

     Hunk's voice vibrated through the lions leaving and heavy silence as they narrowed in a bit on Keith's position. Keith bit his lip looking out toward Red slightly praying the boy would just follow and let them help him for once.

     "Fine."

     It was such a small angry word. Almost drowned behind the teeth it was forced through and yet utter relief flooded through Keith when they came through.

     He still wanted to talk to Lance. In private. He needed to know... so many things. He just wanted to know why? Why was this boy so intent on shattering his heart?

     Tonight.

     He would talk to him tonight.

Chapter Text

THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

That was the only thing registering in Lance's brain. Through all the blood and bruising. The limp body in his arms. The heat and pain rising in his chest with each scream and sob. The pain that started out as minor prickles now seared burning through his very soul. It ripped the very breath and mind from his body.

     It felt like an eternity before he even realized who he was cradling in his arms.

     Keith

     And it was his fault

     Another soul splitting scream echoed through the land. It felt as if the vacuum of space was collapsing on that very point. Collapsing in on Lance and Keith. Crushing them into a nonexistent void. The only thing visible amongst the darkness was the bloody red petals as that flowed from Lance's mouth with ever sob and scream.

     "Lance!"

     The darkness called to him. Begging him to swim in.

     "LANCE!"

     Lance shot up panting rapidly only to be suffocate on the overflow of petals that was rising from his throat. Blood joining the fray as he leaned over the bed coughing up what he could. There was no point hold them in. He was to panicked for it at this point.

     Kosmo whined from besides him letting out small yelps as he coughed. Lance suddenly realized through the pain there was a hand. Rubbing smooth circles on his back easing the tightness that was compressing his chest. Even though the petals were done Lance couldn't stop the tears and the sobs escaping his body.

     It felt so real. So much pain. He was gone. He was gone.

     "Lance it's ok. You are safe. I promise. It was a dream. It was a dream."

     Keith

     Lance tried to steady his breath. It was Keith. Keith was here. He was ok. He was alive. He wasn't dead.

     "Sorry. D-didn't mean to scare you," Lance finally panted

     "Lance," Keith couldn't hide the worry in his voice despite how faint the words leaked out

     Keith lightly forced Lance back into the bed motioning for Kosmo to get on the bed. He gladly accepted the offer curling into Lance's side. The space wolf was who rushed to Keith the moment Lance started to fit. Keith was already staring into the abyss of his radio com attempting to think of a way to talk to Lance about... everything. He hadn't realized how long he had been staring until Kosmo appeared desperate for Keith.

     Keith swept up the petals tossing them into a bin. He grabbed a glass of water and washed his hand clear of blood before returning to Lance. Lance was already sitting up again with his head in his hands. Keith knocked the glass lightly against Lance's knuckles causing him to stir. He hesitated but accepted the drink gratefully allowing the coolness to settle his irritated throat.

     His body finally relax as each breath settled to a normal pace. He felt sore though. The dream was almost like a full workout in itself.

     "Do you want to talk about it?" Keith cautiously sat besides Lance

     He was never good at this part. He knew he had wanted to talk to Lance before hand... but now didn't seem the right time to talk about losing him again.

     Lance shook his head quickly trying to stuff the nightmare away. It didn't matter. Keith was here and alive. No need to worry.

     Lance rested a hand on Kosmo leaning slightly to the wall. He felt exhausted already but he was afraid to sleep again. It wasn't the first time he had had nightmares like that. This one... was different. It felt more real.

     Lance blinked several times and his breath hitches slight as he felt a slight squeeze on his knee.

     Keith

     Keith's hand didn't move as they sat there in silence. His thumb simply rubbing small circles on the outside of the knee. He... he should say something right? But what? What do you say?

     "We should reach the Altean station in another day. Hopefully our answers are there," Keith muttered not able to look at Lance

     Lance simply hummed setting the empty glass on the desk besides the bed.

     More silence

     "Lance... I promise... I swear... we will figure this out ok. We won't give up until we figure out something. We have too," Keith voice cracked besides himself drawing Lance's attention

     "Keith... it's ok. I've accepted it-"

     "No," Keith voice went cold his whole body tensed as his eyes locked onto Lance's

     "Keith-"

     "No. I am not losing you. Lance I- Lance... you have family waiting for you on Earth. You have to fight. Just for awhile till I find something. Please," Keith's voice cracked under the pressure as Lance's eyes softened

     "I have Pidge working like crazy for anything. She is searching every possible lead. Lance you just... you gotta have faith. We will help you."

     "You and I both know there are only three options here. I die, I get the flowers removed and lose all feelings and memories, or I convince the stranger to fall in love with me. Keith... the third one isn't happening. Even if Pidge figures out a way to remove the flowers without damaging everything else what are the chances we can find someone to preform the surgery?" Lance's voice despite it's softness ripped through Keith's soul

     "No."

     "Keith... I know you try... but you can't control this. If we accept it now it will be easier for later. As for my family..." Lance pulled out the small tattered notebook from the drawer of the desk

     "You are going to give this to them when it's ready," Lance let a thumb run across the binding before tossing it back into the drawer

     Keith could hardly see. His vision clouded his breathing ached. Lance always thinking he was dispensable. That he wasn't needed. It hurt. It hurt so much.

     Because he was so so wrong.

     Keith could stop himself if he tried. Keith's arms swallowed Lance into a death grip of a hug trying to ground himself. His face quickly hiding in Lance's neck getting hit with the scent of cinnamon and lavender. Fighting desperately to keep the tears back.

     He would not lose him again.

     Lance slowly wrapped his owns arms around Keith. Trying to soothe the boy. Lance had his time to take it in he knew the team would need the same. He really didn't want to waste their time at this base... but maybe it would help pull their head out of the clouds.

     Keith wasn't sure how long they stayed like that but Lance's hand had wandered into his hair. Massage a pattern that helped relax his entire body. This should be the other way around. Not Lance being the comfort...

     "You need to sleep Lance," Keith voice thick with sadness that he failed at hiding

     Lance's hand froze and Keith slid out of his grip to take in his face. Obviously worry laced it.

     "I can stay... wake you if the nightmare starts again..."

     Lance quickly shook his head, "You don't need to bother. You need to sleep too. I will be fine."

     Keith shook his head moving his body to the other side of the bed closer to the wall. Kosmo laying between Keith and Lance now as Lance remained sitting on his side confused.

     "Go to sleep Lance. I'll stay."

     Lance felt his breath catch again. Keith's words vibrating deep inside him despite their softness. His galaxy eyes bringing Lance into a sort of trace as he settled under the covers on his side.

     "I promise you are safe. Goodnight Lance," Keith whispered as Lance's ocean eyes finally fluttered shut

Chapter Text

     Lance was surprised to wake up and find Keith still there with him. He seemed to have finally dozed off at some point in the night as he was sprawled in a rather odd position. Back pinned to the wall, left arm propping him up slightly, head slightly on the spare pillow, and right arm lightly holding onto Lances bicep.

     It couldn't be comfortable.

     Lance managed to slide out undetected from Keith but not Kosmo. Kosmo however didn't seem ready for the day to begin. He stretched in the bed resettling besides Keith taking Lance's spot.

     Lance took back control of his lion. She purred slightly at his touch. He glanced over to see Shiro guiding Black. It was interesting seeing Black hadn't really let him pilot again though it seemed it was a mutual thing.

     "Hey Lance I'm assuming Keith is with you?" Shiro asked over the com

     "Yeah he's asleep."

     "Good let him. He hasn't been," Shiro adjusted the speed on Black letting him take the lead fully

     "Hey buddy, let Kosmo know breakfast should be ready in about ten," Hunk's voice crackled over

     Kosmo at the mention of his name teleported from the bed to Hunk.

     "Oh hey Kosmo!"

     Lance blocked out Hunk listening for movement from the bed. It stayed quiet. Hopefully that meant Keith was still asleep.

     "We should reach destination early evening. Pidge think you can scan again from this far out?"

     "I'll give it a shot but probably won't be able to till it's in view. My long range scanners have been problematic."

     Lance really wanted to chime in that they should just bail and go home but he knew what they would say.

     Lance palmed his notebook noticing his pages were shrinking fast. He hesitated for a moment before pulling out 6 pages from the back. He folded them before sticking them toward the front. He would need them later but for now they stay blank.

     Kosmo reappeared with both his and Keith's breakfast. Hunk had managed some sort of breakfast wrap. Lance wasn't sure were he found the new space food supply but he definitely wasn't complaining. Anything was better than food goo at this point.

     "You could have woken me."

     Lance jump slightly at Keith's croaking voice. He looked over his shoulder to see a messy haired Keith attempting to wipe sleep lines off his face. Lance felt his heart squeeze slightly at the sight. He couldn't help but smile slightly holding Keith's breakfast wrap out for him.

     The boy grumbled leaning against the pilot seat accepting the wrap. Lance quickly faced forward again as his face heated. He hadn't been in the position last night to appreciate Keith, but now fully awake he found it hard not to take the opportunity.

     "Wait... is Black still on auto?" Keith ducked his head slightly to look at his lion

     "No Shiro took over. I'm surprised he let him though. He's been finicky about Shiro recently."

     Keith hummed taking another bite from his wrap. Kosmo nudged his hand lightly causing Keith to sigh breaking off a small piece of the wrap tossing it to the wolf.

     Keith eyed the notebook besides Lance. The urge to run his fingers across the pages to know the very center of Lance's mind and heart. He knew better though. He couldn't lose Lance.

     He still wanted to talk to him... properly. With no nightmares and panic. Maybe once they get lucky at their stop.

     They had to be lucky... Keith could feel it in his bones.

     "I guess I'll head back over. Get ready. Might wait till the morning to properly get a look at the place. Give Pidge time to run her scans."

     Keith gave Lance's shoulder a squeeze before burying his hands into Kosmo's fur. A slight flash and blur and he was back in Black. He felt the slight rumble in his soul as a greeting.

     "Enjoy your night?" Shiro's voice more questioning than joking

     Keith ran a comb through his bed hair. Attempting to tame the mess that had occurred over the night. His face still felt hard over the thoughts running around his mind.

     "He has nightmares... that's why Kosmo came to me... all night Shiro... it took all night to settle him. I'm worried."

     Shiro turned fully toward Keith, brows sinking quickly. Keith pulled on bits of his paladin armor getting ready to retake control. Shiro seemed to be able to read the very aura of the boy.

     "You still like him don't you?"

     Keith kept his face blank but there was a slight pink tint that rose in his cheeks.

     "Now is not the time Shiro. We have bigger things to deal with. Hopefully this place will have something. Anything... that could be helpful."

     Shiro moved from the seat letting Keith take over. He placed a hand on his shoulder as Black responded eagerly at having his pilot back. Despite the lions being at low power they were very eager to be back in action. They seemed to crave a battle.

     "We will take care of him Keith... don't worry," Shiro muttered

     Keith couldn't help but sigh as his mind began to spiral back into the red lion. His crush for Lance had been one that at one point controlled his very reasoning on leaving Voltron. Lance had done the math thinking he was expendable. That he was just going to leave.

     He couldn't have that.

     Keith ran to take the Blade's up on their offer the moment it happened. The only thing he ever regretted from it was it forced him away from Lance.

     And his crush for the boy subsided with time  

     This... this was different. More protective less push the boy against the wall and kiss him senseless.

     His thoughts bounced back and forth as they finally hit the edge of their destination. Keith felt exhaust setting into his bones. He was really hoping they voted on going in the morning but at the same time he felt desperate for an answer.

     "It seems clear... we could land for the night and search in the morning. Gives us a whole day." Pidge said from over the com

     "We should probably take shifts just to be sure. Last thing we need is someone to sneak up on us," Keith said grateful he could strip from his amor

     "I can take first watch if we want."

     Lance's voice echoed through Keith automatically setting the boy at rest.

     "I can take second," Keith announced

     "I've got the third. I typically am up at the point anyway." Lance snorted at Pidge's response

     "I've got the final shift," Hunk called out

     Once everything was settle Keith took the time to let himself relax letting warm water roll over his body and changing into comfy clothes. His weapons still at the ready as always.

     Kosmo had already rejoined Lance for the night. Shiro already asleep as Krolia was attempt to see if she could reach any Blade members with some scouting and communications.

     A small beep went off as Keith's shift ended and Pidge's began but Keith couldn't sleep. He felt the need to pace but didn't want to wake the others. It was almost a relief when Kosmo appeared letting out small whines. Not as urgent as last time but requesting Keith all the same.

     Keith took the opportunity to get a ride to Red. Kosmo quickly setting himself back on the bed once they arrived. Lance awake this time fresh tear marks on his face.

     "I really wish he would stop doing that. You are supposed to be asleep," Lance muttered ignoring Keith's stare

     Keith motioned first Lance to move over as he climbed in bed. He patted the bed earning a sigh from Lance as he laid back into the pillows. Keith sent his hand through Lance's hair massaging his scalp lightly. Something Shiro had done to him when he was frustrated as a child.

     "Just accept the help Lance. There is nothing wrong with it."

     "Says the one who refuses any help whatsoever," Lance snorted

     Keith snorted but agreed. His hand not stopping its movement. He felt relief pool through him as he noticed Lance's eyes drift shut. He resisted the urge to pull him closer. To comfort him the way he truly deserved. It wasn't his place. Lance loved someone else.

     But it didn't truly matter. Keith knew one day someone would love Lance back the way Lance deserved to be loved. He just had to keep Lance alive long enough to find that person.

Chapter Text

The morning came and Lance felt like he was the only one that could sense it.

There was something... dark in the air... it swept around them occasionally peeking through a veil.

But what was it?

The others took the day like any normal day. They woke up, ran final scans, ate breakfast, and then changed to their armor. They couldn't sense it... or maybe Lance was just losing his mind.

     "I'm not getting any signs of life. No signs of any guards, or evil robots, or evil plants Lance so stop being so weird about it," Pidge said slightly bumping his arm as they stepped toward the door

     Lance chewed on the inside of his cheek as they pulled the doors open. Pidge pulled a map out splitting the team. Krolia went with Keith, Hunk and Lance went another direction, Allura and Pidge headed to the next floor, while Shiro kept watch near the entrance. Romelle and Coran were running a system outside to keep track of any incoming ships.

     "Why are you so on edge man?" Hunk asked Lance as they wandered toward one of the storage units

     "I can just... feel something coming... I don't know maybe I just didn't sleep enough last night," Lance grumbled shaking his head knowing full and well he slept fine last night once Keith came by

     "Well we have every scanner running right now. If something comes we will know with plenty of time to run," Hunk placed a hand on Lance's shoulder giving it a squeeze

     "Anyone find anything yet? I've hit the main computer and I'm copying things over but at quick glance it's mainly Galra stuff?" Pidge came over the com

     Hunk paused from checking boxes to respond. Lance paused feeling a set of eyes on them. He glanced up staring back toward the hall.

     Nothing.

     Lance shook it off and went back to digging around. Mainly old supplies the Galra has no more use for. Some of it was handy just to keep on the ship but most of it pretty much useless.

     "Hey Pidge you said this was an old medical center right?" Keith's voice came from the com

     "Yeah why?"

     "I think... I think this was a testing facility."

     Lance looked up at Hunk. Hunk's eyes widen as he pressed on his com again.

     "What makes you say that?"

     "Cages... skeletons... old files... it seems like they were testing something on the dying."

     "Were they successful?" Lance asked standing now glancing toward the hallway again

     "I don't see anything here... Pidge might have luck on her edge," Keith responded

     "Bring me those files... might be useful if we run into some immortal Galra or something. If that was what they were planning on doing with it."

     Lance could hear slight scratching coming from the walls. He turned toward Hunk who seemed to have paled considerably.

     "You heard it too," Lance whispered heading toward the hall

     "Please let it be space mice. Please let it be space mice," Hunk chanted behind him

     Lance pressed against the wall searching for a hollow spot. Maybe there was a passage or hidden door.

     The scratching got louder as Lance pressed on the wall. Hunk groaned slightly at his idiotic friend's instinct to look for the sound. Lance knocked on the wall and silence fell.

     "Maybe we should... not do that..." Hunk squeaked

     A knock responded to Lance's knock and Hunk almost ran into the door.

     "Come on Hunk. Maybe it is friendly," Lance teased

     "You were just the one saying you could feel something coming. Now you want to make friends with it?!" Hunk squeaked

     "I never said friends," Lance muttered knocking again

     A series of knocked responded leading farther across the wall. It paused before knocking rapidly in a spot a few feet away. Lance glanced at Hunk before taking the steps over and responding. After the quick knock Lance felt it. The wood almost shifted under his fist.

     "Guys... I think we found something... but we definitely aren't alone," Hunk whimpered into his com

     "What do you mean? The only signs of life are us!"

     "Unless... they were successful," Lance muttered pressing hard on the wood

     The wood gave way letting Lance sink into the wall. Hunk's panicked screams could be heard from the other side. Lance turned to see he had somehow managed to force himself in between the walls without actually making a hole for him to see back to the room.

     Lance blinked trying to adjust to the dim light before letting his suit light up his surroundings. Nothing was around him... so who was knocking?

     "Hunk I'm fine. I'm going to explore some more," Lance yelled through the muffled wall and the noise in his com

     Lance squeezed through the section finding a large whole toward the corner that lead down. There was no basement on the map. Lance climbed down the structure looking for a sign of anything.

     "Lance what the hell are you doing," Shiro growled through the com

     "Relax... I think... I don't know. None of this was in the map."

     "You should not be doing this without backup," Keith jumped in

     Lance rolled his eyes but didn't respond. Instead he hit the next level checking his surroundings. The was a small light coming from past a shredded rug. Lance pulled his bayard forward ready for action.

     At glance though there was... no one. Lance carefully stepped through looking around the large cavern. Small purple flames lined the place giving off funky shadows around the place. Shadows of people danced along the sides despite no one but Lance being there.

     Lance stepped farther in. There were small markers scattered through the cavern. He crouched next to one squinting at the writing on the marker.

     "Hey Pidge can you translate this?" Lance scanned the marker sending the info over to Pidge

     He glanced at the others noting that the numbers were different but there were several repeating words.

     "Uhhhh experiment seven chose death. Death after two hundred and three days. Lance did you find a graveyard?"

     Lance went over to a different scanning it and sending it over as well.

     "I think so. This one... reads different."

     "Experiment forty-two attempted immortality. Drowned to plants on day eighty-eight. Wait Lance... scan me as many as you can. Keith... collect every file you can. I want to look at these."

     "That's a morbid thing to say Pidge," Hunk responded as Lance began to walk grave by grave scanning the info

     The dancing shadows seemed to have noticed Lance and stopped to watch. Lance glanced up at them from time to time as they began to gather and step with him. Visiting every marker with him. Occasionally as he would scan one a shadow would attempt to come forward a bit more before stepping back.

     ... what if these weren't shadows?

     Lance paused giving the shadows full attention. He cautiously waved at the group letting his hand drift back to his side. The shadows seemed to share a glance before waving their own hands and waving back.

     A cold sweat started down Lance's back

     "Are... are these you?"

     The shadows nodded. One stepped aside attempting to point to one on the end. Lance leaned over to it and the shadow pointed more aggressively then shook its head. Lance squinted to read. This marker was gold however compared to the stone.

     "Pidge this one..."

     "Uhhhh experiment two hundred. Chose immortality. Successful."

     Lance looked down the grave site squinting against the poor lighting. Sure enough random dots of gold were scattered across the place. The few that were successful.

     Lance turned back to the shadow who was desperately attempting to get his attention. It took a finger drawing in the air. Lance tilted his head trying to understand what it was attempting to say. All the shadows suddenly bunched up taking off in different directions. Disappearing into dark spaces. The sole shadow looked at Lance once more before joining.

     Suddenly the dark felt suffocating. The air ice and the place quiet. He suddenly realized what they were saying.

     Run

Chapter Text

"Guys we need to leave. Get the last bit and go!"

Lance didn't stick around to see what was coming. He bolted quickly rushing toward where he came from. He reached the landing he came from quickly pressing on spots in the wall trying to find the spot he came in.

Questions were flying through his com but as soon as he fell back through the wall a soul splitting howl rose from deep inside the house. Hunk was besides the wall where Lance fell through quickly grabbed him under the armpit ready to run.

Lance hardly got to his feet when another sound raced through the place. It sounded almost like power shutting down... but the power wasn't on to start. Lance glanced around feeling shadows race by him.

Nothing was there.

They took off down the hall looking back not seeing what was coming. They quickly met the rest in the entrance hall minus Keith and Krolia. Bayards drawn looking around for trouble.

"We haven't seen anything but we can sense it. It's... it's like it's not really there. A shadow. Do you know what it is Lance?" Shiro asked glancing around

"They couldn't tell me. They just told me to run."

"Who?" Pidge asked turning as a sound erupted from the other end

It sounded like an animal in pain. The deep howl shattering invisible glass that seemed to shower around the paladins. Lance fired a shot from the corridor Hunk and him came from. It seemed to pierce a shadow.

But the shadow didn't flinch. A new sound erupted from it however. A long wait as the shadow stepped forward into sight.

The shadow wasn't a shadow at all. Long greasy blond hair limp around his waist. Eyes black as sin. Skin waxy and sunken in. Lance's shot keeping a gaping hole blinking from his side but no blood bloomed from it.

Lance felt his blood run cold as he noticed it's most important feature.

"Altean!"

"Something isn't right... what's wrong with them?" Allura's voice weak with a panic

The Altean seemed to breath heavily and stared at the group but it wasn't focusing. Like it was dazed... or waiting.

A crash from the other side sent everyone l's hand to their weapons. Keith and Krolia appeared seeming to sink their weapon into something behind them. But it had no effect.

"Run now!" Keith shouted slicing at its head but it was like air

Another Altean.

The appearance of its friend sent the blond one to life. It lunges toward the group at a heavy pace. Feet light despite its condition.

     Lance attempted to blast it against a closer range but the blast simply seemed to disappear through it. He pushed Pidge toward the door shooting again and again. He could feel Keith fighting besides them now as they backed quickly toward the lions.

     Then the Alteans's voices echoed through

     "Join us mortals! We can saaaave you. Make sure you are invincible! Saaaaave your soooooouls."

     Lance cleared his throat aiming another blast straight through the forehead of one but still nothing. They seemed to hover slightly gaping mouths and dark eyes endless.

     "Weeeee can't save yooooou though. Nooooot yooooooou. The flowers kill allllllll. Mortal or immortal. It is a fatal fllllllaw."

     Lance felt himself pale considerably at the mention of the flowers.

     "We don't want to join you anyway!" Keith hissed backing closer and closer to Black keeping the Alteans at bay

     But that seemed to be the wrong choice of words.

     The Alteans hissed pausing to looking at each other than back at the group.

     "Ifffff yoooou dont jooooin yoooou must perish!"

     One made a grab at Lance but he ducked finally turning fully to ran to Red. He only made it three strides though when he heard a hiss of pain and felt the thud off knees hitting the ground.

     He peaked back to see Keith clutching his side. Blood seeping through his fingers as the extended claws of the Alteans raised to strike again.

     "No!"

     Lance dove back toward them. Crashing hard into the Altean closets to Keith. That seemed to do the trick as it knocked them off balance enough for him to grab Keith. The Alteans seemed stunned at the actions and took several moments before they regained momentum.

     Krolia saw the situation unfolding quickly rushed to Lance's side to help her son. Once Keith was fully passed off Lance took another running dive at the pair forcing them to scatter and hiss.

     "You will dieeeeee painfully mortal! The flowers killllllll worse than usssssss!"

     "Lance let's go!"

     He could hear the lions roar to life as Shiro spoke in his earpiece. He took back off toward Red again but not before one of the Alteans managed to slice the side of his calf. He hissed shortening in stride slightly. Red however could sense the pain and quickly came forward to protect him.

     Another hiss rang from behind him as the jaws closed giving Lance safety. The paladins quickly geared out of there screeches quickly drowned out and out of earshot.

     Lance panted leaning back in the picket seat. He coughed slightly letting a few petals float to the ground. No use trying to stifle them at this point.

     "Sound off how we doing?" Allura called through

     "Good here. Still have the data!"

     "Really would appreciate not almost dying but you know at this point... kinda use to it."

     "Small scratch on the leg but I will live. How's Keith? Look like he took a hit."

     "He did," Shiro's voice came back through

     "We are putting him in the healing pod now. He got lucky though could have been worse. Lance you will be next for that leg."

     Lance gritted his teeth squeezing his eyes as they drew farther and farther away.

     "You couldn't kill them. They figured out immortality," Lance whispered

     "Only part of it though... did you hear them? Immortality didn't include the flowers. Which means they had to think of another thing right?" Hunk came in hopeful from the other side

     "I'm analyzing the data now. I will know for sure in a few days. If not hopefully there is at least something to go off of from there."

     "No," Lance's voice ran clear through, "If there is nothing then we move on. We are doing risking ourselves for that again. Not for nothing. If nothing pops up we keep pace back home. Hopefully we haven't wasted too much time."

     "But Lance..." Pidge tried to reason

     But Lance already shut off his com again

Chapter Text

     Kosmo eventually appeared sniffing at Lance's leg. The cut had turned nasty despite Lance cleaning it. It hadn't been long either. Whatever the... thing had done to it acted quickly.

     "Guess we should go see if that healing pod is ready don't you think?" Lance asked Kosmo patting his head lightly

     The colors behind Lance's eye lids shifted as there was a brief feeling of warmth then chill while they teleported. Lance blinked slowly noticing they were now safely in Black right besides the healing pod.

     "Good you are here!" Shiro placed a hand on Lance's shoulder looking down to his leg

     "It turned nasty quick. Not sure what it had under those fingernails but guess it was nothing good," Lance tried to shrug off looking over to Keith still in the healing pod

     "He should be out soon. He got scratched along his side. Pretty deep. Once he's out though you are in so don't go anywhere ok?"

     Lance nodded sinking besides the pod looking up at Keith.

     Overwhelming guilt flooded him. Keith got hurt because of him. The whole team was out in danger. Over what? Nothing useful probably.

     Shiro hesitated before sitting besides Lance. His gaze locked into Keith as well.

     "It wasn't your fault Lance. I can see the wheels spinning in your mind."

     "It doesn't matter. We aren't going through that again. I'm not putting the team at risk for a maybe. I've already accepted my fate. You all need to as well."

     Shiro frowned squeezing Lance's good knee

     "Look Lance, the point of a team is to have each other back. You all had mine the whole time we were dealing with Haggar's mind control. I know I was cruel to you especially. Yet you all stood right besides me the whole time. It's our turn to do that for you Lance."

     "There is nothing we can do Shiro. Unless by some miracle we can find some doctor who knows how to remove the flowers without killing me then it's hopeless. Not to mention even when they remove them I will lose memories to all those I love. Not just the one causing all... this. I wouldn't remember my family or you guys. I would never be able to experience love again either. It's almost... not worth it."

     "So you would rather just suffer with your memories rather than hoping the surgery would work?"

     Lance nodded biting his lip. Shiro's gaze changes from Keith to Lance but Lance kept looking at Keith.

     "Is there really no chance of us finding this person and seeing if you can build some feelings together?"

     Lance shook his head

     "Nope. It's too late. Not even worth the fight Shiro."

     "But it is Lance. Why can't you see that? This crew really cares for you. They are your friends. Not to mention your family is waiting for you. What are we supposed to say?"

     "I have letters ready for when-"

     "No."

     Shiro rose slightly a glint in his eye. Lance actually felt a bit of fear for the first time in awhile. A different type of fear. More... fear of disappointment.

     "We will figure this out Lance ok. We will get you home and you will tell your family all about your adventures yourself."

     Before Shiro could say anymore the pod opened. Keith slumped out into Shiro's waiting arms.

     "Wha 'appen"

     "You got hurt but it's ok all better now," Lance smirked standing grabbing the spare suit

     Keith looked around slightly confused. Kosmo nudging at his hand demanding attention. Keith's long slow blinks seem to be the signal of how well his brain was working.

     "What are you doing?" Keith finally forced as Lance turned back around dressed

     "It's my turn," he said lifting his leg, "I'll see you in a bit."

     Keith nodded dumbly as Shiro set him against the wall to type in what was needed for Lance. The pod smoked as it closed and Lance went to sleep immediately.

     "Come on. Let's get you functioning," Shiro muttered helping Keith to full height again

     "Lance?" Keith mumbled looking back to the pod

     "He will be ok for now. You can come back was your brain is on," Shiro tapped Keith's skull earning a scowl

     After some food goo and some weird alien form of coffee Keith was catching up on the details.

     "Pidge any break in the code?"

     "Basically what I'm getting is they were trying to heal weird things like I guess types of alien diseases that are like our cancer on earth right. They tried to counter it with immortality. However they gave each person the chance to chose life or death. I don't know morbid I guess. They would monitor them and see why they needed to heal the others. It worked on some but there were obvious side effects to the whole immortality deal."

     "So those Alteans..."

     "Yeah... experiments that managed immortality. Obviously doesn't look too good on them and I bet if I could have ran scans on them their minds were probably a waste."

     "Ok... but did it have any advice on healing without the immortality?" Hunk butted in the tapping of his finger on the chair's arm could be heard through the com

     "Ummm no. Actually the few times immortality succeeded then failed was because of Hanahki. Apparently it was actually a little more common especially in this place which would make sense. Bunch of sick patients falling for each other only to be separated by death and unable to receive the love back."

     Keith leaned back pinching the bridge of his nose.

     "So what you are saying is... we got nothing."

     "Nothing for Lance... useful info for another idea of mine? Yes, but I haven't found anything yet that could help Lance. I'm still looking though."

     Keith felt his mood sink. His heart plummeting to his feet. His body cold and head aching at the news.

     All that for nothing.

     "Umm Keith, while you were in the pod Lance did say if we found nothing to give up and move on. We can't ... we can't do that. We have to think of something."

     "The problem is going to be convincing Lance that if we find a surgeon to do the surgery," Shiro interrupted, "He's more afraid of loosing feelings and memories of his loved ones than he is of dying."

     An uncomfortable feeling wiggled through Keith. The thought of actually losing Lance was not a pleasant one. Not one he wanted to discuss.

     "We will think of something. For now we keep heading toward Earth and hopefully we get some info by then. Hopefully we get lucky."

     Keith turned ignoring the rest of the commentary through the com. His mind heavy and thick. His thoughts struggling to connect. It wasn't from the pod either.

     "I'm going to wait for him to wake," Keith muttered to Shiro standing

     "Ok. Be careful with him. I'm sure he's not showing it to us but I think he's more disappointed that we didn't find anything. He doesn't want anyone to get hurt again though. That's why he's putting his foot down."

     Keith scoffed. It was such a Lance thing. To think at one point he would have considered him selfish. Definitely not anymore.

     Keith took his spot besides the pod. The timer saying he would be out shortly.

     Keith brought his knees to his chest as he stared at Lance through the front of the pod. Even at rest his normally happy face seemed lined with worry. He knew inside Lance's chest vines and flowers were weaving themselves around his heart and lungs. The thought that they didn't have long to find hope brought a fresh sting to Keith's eyes.

     He hissed blinking them away. The thought of Lance leaving him- the team... was not ok. Keith tried imagining what it would be like without Lance.

     He simply felt so alone...

     This must be how Lance feels... seeing he keeps separating himself from us

     Keith's hands curled into fists as the pod buzzed and the doors began to slide open.

     Keith wouldn't let Lance stay like that. Even if they only had a couple months Keith was going to make sure Lance never had another lonely day. Ever. He wasn't going to let him down.

     Not again.

     Keith stood to catch Lance as he stumbled out of the pod.

     "Hey," Lance croaked eyes trying to adjusted

     "Hey. Feel better?"

     Lance hummed pulling himself up slightly looking over to Keith. Lance's cheeks seemed a bit pink but Keith brushed the thought away.

     "Come on. Let's get some food in you."

Chapter Text

     "So... nothing?"

     Keith had caught Lance up on the news. That pit in his stomach was there grinding itself deeper and deeper. An internal voice whined at the casualness of Lance's voice.

     Keith wasn't sure if it was better to have Lance panic or not. At least if he did panic though it meant that he was still fighting. Now it just feels like he's given up.

     "Well fingers crossed Pidge can decode a bit more. Something will line up and make sense. It is just going to take time."

     "Time that I don't have," Lance paused putting down his spoon his gaze shifting out

     They could see Red from there point. Being drug slightly by Blue since Lance was off getting healed. The never ending black that surrounded them slowly creeping by.

     "We need to get home Keith. I've got a feeling they are in trouble. You all are already going to be late as it is. We can't take anymore detours."

     "I know."

     Lance seemed a bit surprised that someone finally agreed with him.

     "That doesn't mean we are giving up on you though."

     Lance scowled looking at his now empty bowl.

     "We care too much Lance we aren't leaving you behind. Plus we need you to help save the world Lance. Voltron can't do that without you."

     Keith felt his hand spasm in his lap. The overwhelming urge to protect Lance was running in full gear. Keith already vowing to himself not to leave his side till they find an answer. He just hoped Lance wouldn't chase him away.

     "I just... need you all to be realistic and prepared for the worse. It's going to hurt but... I want the damage to be minimal when it does happen."

     Keith gritted his teeth.

     Why couldn't he get it through his thick head?

     Kosmo interrupted them with a sigh from under the table. Both looked down to see his eyes moving from one to the other. The exhaustion from the day still heavy. The pods healed you but it wasn't like a proper sleep when it happened. If anything it was more draining.

     Keith stood reaching for Lance's hand. Lance tilted his head confused but accepted it. Keith slipped his head through Kosmo's fur and in a blink they were inside the red lion.

     Blue detached herself letting Lance take full control again. Red purred at having her paladin back. Keith could feel it in his bones. He watched as Lance closed his eyes with a slight smile listening to her talk.

     "You didn't have to come back with me you know," Lance muttered eyes still closed

     "We need more rest. Kosmo will just come get me once you sleep anyway," Keith said kicking off his shoes and removing his jacket

     "Sorry for-"

     "No. I don't accept it. Now get ready for bed."

     Lance snorted doing a mocking salute before turning to wash up.

     Keith sunk into the bed. He realized he was putting himself in a dangerous position. He had feelings for Lance prior to working for the Blade but once he was away the feelings had left too. Spending all this time with Lance... he knew it could trigger them to be reborn. Not that it mattered. Lance loved some girl... who cruelly didn't love him back.

     Keith understood that Lance could take some time to love. It took Keith awhile... but how could you not love him. He was Lance.

     But the reason he was so determined to keep Lance's hope alive. To keep him happy was he did see section of the future. While trapped in the quantum abyss he saw older Lance with who assumed were his nieces. Happy and carefree as he always was swinging them around as the squealed in delight.

     The future may not set in stone... but there was a chance right? That they picked the right choices that the path still lead to a happy Lance.

     It had too

     When Lance joined Keith he was scrolling across his phone. Already in comfy clothes for the night. Kosmo as well ready at the door of the bed. Lance hit the light sliding in besides Keith. There was still that slight awkwardness. Normally they were joined in bed due to the nightmares not so much before.

     Keith shut off the phone setting it besides him. His brain already growing sluggish again. Sleep seemed like a welcoming solution. Lance however was struggling.

     "Is there something you need?" Keith finally asked as Lance stirred once again in the attempt to find a spot

     "My brain is tired but my body isn't ," Lance sounded frustrated as he turned back to his back facing the ceiling

    A memory drifted back into Keith's mind... no a feeling. From his time on the whale. There was a moment he was struggling to sleep and he felt it then. He was out in a matter of minutes.

     "Do you trust me?" Keith sounded so soft in that moment Lance felt his heart skip

     "Are you going to knock me out?"

     "What? No!"

     "Then I trust you," Lance snickered trying time count sheep again

     Lance felt Keith's hand move from under the blankets toward his head. His thoughts emptying in confusion. His eyes immediately fluttered at the sensation of Keith dragging his hand through his hair. Nails brushing at the scalp.

     Lance's whole body tingled. Heat fanned out across his body. Everything seemed more sensitive. This was going to do the exact opposite of what he needed.

     But Lance wasn't going to tell him to stop

     He let his eyes drift close letting the feeling send waves of euphoria to every nerve ending. The hum seemed to send a soothing sensation to his lungs too. For the first time in awhile giving relief to the consistent scratching.

     Keith smirked watching as Lance's breath evened out in a matter of minutes. His body visibly relaxing deeper into the bed with each stroke. He was asleep before he could register it.

     Keith didn't stop his movements however. He let his hand keep Lance locked into the deep sleep. The heat and presence of Lance besides him was doing the very same trick to him. Keith felt his eyes drift with each count of Lance's breath. He quickly followed Lance into the dream world.

Chapter Text

There were more feelings that Keith had felt while stuck on the whale that he couldn't understand. Some had visions of it often time he could briefly see Lance but never exactly what was going on. He never really put it together either.

For the most part time blended together. It got confusing who's thoughts were who's and who's past or future was involved. Occasionally though Keith would just get that feeling. That sense of Lance. Waking up the next morning he quickly discovered one of those feelings.

Lance was still softly snoring as he should. He woke up three times in a panic. Dreams eating away his sanity. He would never talk about what they were but just fade back to sleep.

Watching him now, finally peacefully after the struggle of the night, curled slightly into Keith's chest Keith remembered one of those feelings. He had felt this before... just... not yet... not then.

Peace... peace of seeing Lance at peace was the best he could think.

His mind drifted back to the whale thinking of more moments. What he did last night with the hand in Lance's hair... was that something he would feel again in the future? It definitely wasn't something from his past. So it had to be something that would happen to him... but was it from Lance or someone else?

     Lance grunted slightly in his sleep curling closer to Keith for warmth. Keith's phone let him know he had ten minutes till the alarm went off. He glanced back down at Lance. His face still lined with worry even in his sleep.

Lance didn't deserve this. Sure he could be obnoxious and a bit of a loverboy but he had never done any true harm. He was always the one who had your back when you least expected it. He did his best even if the team failed to acknowledge it most the time.

Keith felt his gut twist. They could really lose him. They could really lose Lance if they didn't figure this out. It wasn't even about losing the pilot for Red and having to rearrange pilots again. The idea of losing Lance...

Keith gritted his teeth careful reaching for his phone. He sent a quick text to Krolia. More then likely she was awake. Keith was hoping maybe by some miracle someone in the Blade knew something to help. Anything. Even if it was just a way to convince Lance to try the surgery. Just to give the chance for Lance to stay.

His phone buzzed and he looked back down.

Still no signal from the Blade. I'll let you know. We are doing training runs this morning. Be ready.

Keith sighed looking back down at Lance. His nose crinkling again as if his mind was fighting another battle again. Keith careful nudged him. Kosmo stirring at their feet letting his thick tail hit against Lance's thigh.

Lance stirred groaning slightly but not yet awake. Keith's alarm went off moments later forcing the boys to rise fully.

"Krolia says we are doing training this morning. I'll be back later then," Keith said sliding off the bed stretching slightly

"You know I don't need a babysitter right?"

"I'm not being a babysitter Lance. I'm being a friend."

Lance turned to Keith with an odd look on his face. His blue eyes seemed shiny despite just waking up. He blinked a bit before turning away stretching and yawning to distract himself. Lance felt like his heart could be heard it was beating so loud. The scratching on his lungs strike forcing him into a bundle of coughing. A few petals slipped past despite his attempt.

Keith gaining an unrecognizable look on his face.

     Lance went to open his mouth to apologize but Keith held up his hand walking over and grabbing a water handing it to him. The tickle rises again before he could drink adding a few more petals to the floor. Keith pat Lance's back slightly awkwardly. There wasn't much he could do really as Lance chugged the water.

     As he finished Keith quickly bent down to pick up the petals earning a disgusted look.

     "Keith don't. There is blood and saliva on them. I can handle-"

     But Keith raised his hand again silencing Lance.

     He picked up the rest taking them to the trash. Lance groaned letting his head hit the wall behind him.

     He was ready for it to be over already. He didn't like the pity. He didn't like the pain. The consistent reminder that despite Keith helping him like this... Keith didn't love him.

     And it was literally going to be the death of him.

     "Feeling ok now?"

     Lance reopened his eyes looking up at Keith. He nodded slightly as Keith rested a hand on Lance's forehead. A small frown on his face.

     Lance felt his face heat up from the simple contact.

     "Are you sure? You feel a bit warm?"

     "I'm fine. Really," Lance squeaked sitting up letting Keith's hand fall as he did

     "We can skip training..."

     Lance stood fully shaking his head. He nudged Kosmo toward Keith.

     "No we train. I'll see you later ok... and thank you... for everything," Lance ducked his head to hide the heat creeping across it again

     Keith simply nodded letting his hand rest on Kosmo's fur feeling himself transport back to the Black lion. Shiro still bleary eyes as he looked up.

     "Is this the new cycle then? You staying over there?"

     "He has nightmares," Keith mumbled as Kosmo disappeared probably for the Yellow lion

     "He always has Keith... why are you just noticing them now?"

     Keith narrowed his eyes

     "What do you mean always?"

     Shiro shrugged running a hand over his face looking back out into the inky darkness around them.

     "I mean... even day one. I would catch him in random parts of the castle all the time because he couldn't sleep over them. I'm surprised you never noticed. You were just as active at night as he was."

     Keith frowned. How has he not noticed?

     "Kosmo is who keeps bringing me over when he has them. So I just... stay I guess."

     Shiro hummed just as Kosmo reappeared with breakfast from Hunk. Keith taking off a bit and tossing it to the wolf to eat. Shiro's eyes not leaving Keith as he passed the food out to the others in the back.

     When Keith came back to the front he raised an eyebrow at Shiro waiting.

     "Just... be careful. You are spending a lot of time with him. The flowers might not be contagious but you use to have a crush on him at one point. You awake those feelings and we... don't find help-"

     "We will," Keith set his jaw firm eyes narrowing at the suggestion, "We are going to find him help. He will be ok. Do not tell me to be prepared because I won't let him down. Got it."

     "That's not what I'm saying Keith. I'm saying be careful because if you aren't you are going to get hurt in this too."

     "And we should just let him suffer?"

     Shiro sighed pinching the bridge of his nose.

     "No. Look I'm stressed and worried for Lance too. I'm helping Pidge with anything I can on that data. We are going to find something to help. I'm just trying to tell you to take care of yourself too. Ok?"

     Keith grumbled scowling. His feathers ruffled and on edge. Krolia walked in as the pair took the last bites of breakfast in silence.

     "If you two are done fighting now I think we should get to training."

Chapter Text

     Pidge chewed on the end of her pen looking at all her notes. So much gibberish hardly any of it really made sense but it was all she had. She had to figure out something. Maybe she would have better luck with some Earth or Altean doctors but she was fresh out of those.

     "Am I the only one thinking Lance is lying?" Hunk asked from behind her

     She glanced over at him to see him playing with her little trash buddies. They would stack themselves on his fingers before stacking onto one another.

     "Lying about what?"

     "About the alien girl none of us know about. You know... I know Lance would wander on his own a lot and such to flirt with locals. Obviously being a paladin would have if effects on some but... I don't know I just don't think it's the full truth."

     "You think he's still in love with Allura?"

     Hunk frowned waving the little trash buddies away as he looked over Pidge's shoulder.

     "Well... I don't know if it's really Allura. I think we have all noticed he's been treating her more like a sister or friend."

     "Then who?" Pidge looked over to the red lion where Lance and Kosmo were doing whatever it was they do

      "Not sure but I think Keith knows who it is. I think that's part of why he's been helping Lance so much recently."

     "You don't think it's because of the crush Keith had on Lance before he left?" Pidge pointed out glancing at the Black lion where Keith currently was

     "Wait since when did Keith have a crush on Lance?" Hunk asked genuinely surprised

     Pidge waved her hand lightly looking toward her notes again, "Before he joined the Blade. The only thing that doesn't match with it though is if Lance's love is for Keith and Keith has feelings for Lance the flowers shouldn't be hurting him as they are."

     Pidge adjusted her glasses pulling up a certain page handing it to Hunk.

     "You see the closer you are to the one the flowers are for the gentler they are on your lungs and heart. They still grow but at a slower rate to help encourage the pair to bond its less painful and the other person is actually soothing to them."

     "Well... Keith has been sleeping over in Red. Lance's nightmares are in full force apparently so Kosmo fetched Keith as they start."

     "Yet I haven't seen a difference between when Keith is with Lance and Keith is away from him. The petals just seem to come as they wish."

     Hunk sighed giving Pidge back her paper. He leaned his head against the back of the chair in defeat.

     "Fine. Not Allura or Keith. So who is it?"

     "That's not my job to find out. I just need to remove them without destroying our Lance. That's my job," Pidge said firmly cleaning her glasses

     Hunk hummed looking out into the darkness of space.

     "Have you heard from Matt or your dad yet?"

     Pidge shook her head, "Heard from Shay?"

     Hunk shook his head the glum feeling spreading through the cabin.

~~~~~~~~

     Keith was looking over some logs as they continued their steady pace through space. It had already been a few days since saying goodbye to Krolia and Acxa as they went on to find the rest of the Blades and allies that the creepy guy on the destroyed planet hadn’t already tricked.

As dull as it was they had all settled into a routine. He would wake up with Lance then they typically ate breakfast. After they would do a few hours of drills and formations before a small break. Lunch happened eventually then either more drills or even just chatting some days before they had dinner and settled for bed. It was dull and slow but everyday was closer to Earth.

Keith could feel Shiro’s eyes staring into the back of his head. Ever since the slight argument over Lance, Keith felt like Shiro deserved the cold shoulder. When all this first happened he had suggested that Keith still had feelings for Lance

... which he absolutely did not...

Now he was going on about how he should give the boy space. Not for Lance’s own good but just in case Keith caught feelings again too. Keith hadn’t realized he could be so cold to Shiro till now.

“Are you really just going to ignore me then?”

Keith shrugged turning a page.

Shiro sighed approaching Keith crouching besides him.

“Look I’m sorry. Things didn’t come out the way they were suppose to. You know we all love Lance and don’t want him to suffer. We are doing what we can to find a way to help him. Pidge is working like crazy.”

“But it’s not enough. Is it?”

Shiro sighed and nodded, “Yeah your right. It’s not looking good right now. Time is really against us but we will figure out something. We also do and Lance will be ok.”

Shiro reaches over lightly squeezing Keith’s forearm.

“And you know I will also support you in you choices. I just don’t want to see you in the same pain as he is now. I don’t want to see him in the pain he’s in now. You have always had a soft spot for him though and I just don’t want to see it get you in trouble.”

“Like I don’t have a soft spot for you? And you don’t have one for me? Come on Shiro... you know how this goes. Someone gets hurt in the end anyway and it’s also the kid with nothing else to lose.”

“But you are not the kid with nothing else to lose anymore. You have a lot to lose you realize that right.”

Keith stayed silent keeping his eyes on the papered log in front of him. He wasn’t wrong he had gained so much since coming to space. The thing is one of those things was Lance. Be in friendship form or not Keith refused to let him go. He had already lost so much. The idea of losing Shiro had hurt desperately. The idea of losing Lance was just as sickening.

“It’s worse then... because now I have people to lose.”

“And we are going to make sure it doesn’t happen ok. Just have a bit of faith,” Shiro gave him a small smile before returning to the back

It wasn’t long before Kosmo brought over dinner. Everyone settling to chat over the coms as they are trying to keep morale up as Hunk and Shiro suggested. Allura and Romelle were more gossiping to themselves then with the group. Though Keith knew Romelle has spent most the day with Lance today. He couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge in his gut at the thought of it but chose to ignore it.

No sooner had dinner finished did Kosmo appear already begging for Keith to hurry up.

“Go on. I’ll take over and handle first shift like normal,” Shiro said earning an annoyed huff from the Black lion but let him regain access anyway

The Black lion may not exactly like having to constantly have to switch paladins even if it was just for the night flying never for training or real combat. The lion however seemed to understand it was needed and let his paladin go when it was time. Though they had a feeling if a fight broke out he wouldn’t let Shiro pilot.

Keith dug his hand into Kosmo’s fur blinking till Lance’s form filled his vision.

He felt a heavy feeling sink into his bones and soul as he spotted him. Slightly pale but a smile on his face as he patted Kosmo giving him the remainder of his dinner. Keith took a few steps forward pressing the back of his hand to Lance’s forehead.

“What?” Lance winced slightly at Keith’s hand

“You are a bit warm. Are you feeling ok?”

Lance shrugged pulling off his jacket heading to the bathroom.

“The meds we have been using... I’m out. So I’m not super surprised if I run a bit of a fever the next 24 hours.”

A cloud formed in Keith as he waited for Lance to return. The cloud seemed to hold on his face because Lance stopped at it.

Lance tilted his head confused. He was already in his sleepwear and his face seemed to agree that bedtime was here.

Keith really didn’t think when he did it. He just took the last few steps over to Lance and wrapped him into a tight hug. His fingers digging themselves into Lance’s clothing.

“Lance... I... we just... we can’t lose you. Please understand. We aren’t giving up on you so please don’t give up. Please.”

Lance chuckled slightly feeling a hand to Keith’s forehead, “Who are you and what have you done to Keith? You sure you aren’t the one with the fever Mullet?”

But Keith simple tightened his grip. Lance eventually falling slack in his arms. Leaning against him letting himself relax for just a moment.

“I’ve lost too much Lance. I really don’t want to have to again,” Keith muttered

Lance finally retuned the hug, “Keith... I’m sorry... I just don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.”

“Bullshit.”

Keith really wanted to scream and hit Lance. Maybe smack some sense into him but he knew better then that. He knew it would be pointless. So he simple tightened his grip on Lance as they stood there simply waiting for one to shake the other away.

Neither could bring themselves to do it.

Chapter Text

"Well at least he knows you don't hate him right?" Romelle said picking at something under her nail with a frown

     Lance chuckled, "Yeah a took awhile to get that way though. We use to always be at each other's throats."

     "And becoming paladins help changed it?"

     "Well I think that's part of it. When you spend so much time locked in a castle with someone else you tend to be forced to bond anyway."

     Romelle chuckled moving to sit right on the right arm of the pilot's seat.

     "There is still something I don't understand about you Lance."

     Lance hummed glancing over at the yellow lion which had been lagging behind earlier that day. Luckily Hunk seemed to have fix whatever issue was bugging it. As much as the lions could use the rest they really didn't have the time for it. They needed to get to Earth.

     He had been entertaining Romelle with the story of the other paladins. How they all met and just funny stories in general. Anything to help pass the time really.

     "The girl you are in love with... why don't you want to find her? Even if it's a small chance. If you loved her so dearly to develop the flowers it would make sense. Not to mention but you seem like rather the romantic type."

     Lance sighed wiggling his nose.

     "It's more complicated then that."

     "What was she already married?"

     Lance chuckled, "No not that."

     Romelle frowned putting her chin on her palm. She let out a small huff of air as she stared out into space. Lance could feel her wracking her brain.

     Lance's phone let out a small ping drawing his attention away from her. A small smile played across his face at the screen. It was Keith of course. He had grown a habit of messaging Lance often. Maybe a bit too often but Lance didn't mind. He often was the one to send him dorky photos to begin with. Now that his moral seemed to be lower Keith opted to be the one sending silly messages now.

     K- Did Kosmo leave that weird ball thing with you?

     L- yeah on the bed

     K- just making sure he didn't lose it

     L- or were you just looking for a reason to talk to me ;)

     K- funny ha ha Lance

     Lance tried to rein in the smile on his face but he knew it probably wasn't possible. When he looked back up he spotted Romelle giving him a funny look. He cocked an eyebrow slightly confused.

     "What's with the look?" 

     "What's with yours?" She returned

     Lance frowned shrugging setting the phone down. Only for it to buzz again. Both faces turned to see Keith had again sent him a message. He opened it to see a picture of Kosmo chasing his tail.

     The smile returned as he sent a heart back to Keith.

     Romelle gasped making a weird silent shrieking noise. Lightly slapping Lance on the shoulder over and over.

     "Ow what Romelle? It was just a photo of Kosmo!"

     She moved forward grabbing Lance's shoulders shaking him. Gibberish spilling from her mouth in a flood of odd noises. Eyes wide with a stupid smile yet shock also on her face.

     "You were lying! I knew it! I knew it! Laaaaaaance lance lance lance! You idiot! Why didn't you just tell someone the truth?"

     Lance carefully pulled himself from Romelle, "What on Earth are you talking about?"

     The phone buzzed again. This time Romelle reached down snatching it before Lance. She opened it to see a new photo. This one a selfie of Keith and Kosmo sitting in the pilot seat of Black together.

     "The only thing I can think of is you didn't say anything not to ruin the dynamic of the team right? That and obviously the whole thing isn't reciprocated but OMG LANCE!!! You moron! Thinking you don't have a chance here look!" She shoved the phone at his face

     Lance felt his soul ripple slightly at the photo. Keith's small smiles were rare. He often hoarded any sight of them to himself.

     "What about it?"

     Romelle didn't even let it slide as she smacked him hard in the back of the head.

     "OW!"

     Lance rubbed his head frowning. He snatched the phone back from Romelle as she started to pace and rant in front of him.

     L- save me Rom is getting abusive

     K- don't flirt with her then

     L- I WASN'T

     K- sure....

     L- seriously take her or something

     L-... actually no I should send her to Allura

     K- have fun with that

     "Lance you aren't even listening to me right now are you?"

     Lance sighed looking up shaking his head. Romelle pouted before snatching his phone and smacking him again.

     "Ow! Stop it!"

     "No you idiot listen to me!"

     She sat down setting the phone next to her. She looked up at Lance expectantly but after nothing she sighed.

     "The flowers are for Keith aren't they."

     "I have no clue what you are talking about."

     "Don't make me hit you again," Lance winced at the statement

     "Look Romelle-"

     "Don't tell me it doesn't matter Lance. Obviously it matters. The flowers are a tricky business. The only reason they bloom is from unrequited love BUT the thing is that love has to be true. Real. Forever. That's the reason it's such a big deal. It's like... what almost soulmate like I guess? Well I mean not really but like there is a reason you can't love another after it. That's the love you are supposed to be with. Ignoring it will kill you."

     "Obviously it's killing me now isn't it."

     "But it doesn't have to!"

     Lance sighed again rubbing a hand over his face. He didn't want to explain it to anyone. Romelle granted was probably the easiest too but it still was exhausting to think about.

     "It's not worth dealing with. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. Why bother bugging others over it when it's not going to change. It's unrequited for a reason. I'm just going to keep my head down and do the best I can to help everyone with the remaining time. Got it."

     Romelle stood raising her hand again like she was about to try and smack more sense into him. She paused however and began to ice again. Her finger tapping her lip lightly as she thought. She took a deep breath before planting herself firmly in front of Lance. Hands on her hips. No note of jokes on her face.

     "Lance McClain you are an idiot."

     Lance went to open his mouth but she simply raised her hand silencing him.

     "You are. You can't deny it. I obviously haven't been here as long as the others. I'm just now waltzing into this drama here but I was with Keith for a while before returning to you. He talked fondly of his team. He talked fondly of you. He has stood by you religiously through this whole process. From the moment he found out and he has protected you from any possible bad outcome. He and Pidge have been digging through every possible crumb of data on this disease. He doesn't want to lose you. Losing you would probably break him Lance. He is with you everyday. He has been sleeping with you every night. He sends you and only you these little messages throughout the day. He might be in live with you Lance but he is already part way there. He's not blind Lance and he's not a robot. He has feelings there that he's probably conflicted about."

     "There is nothing conflicting about the situation Romelle. I'm on a time limit. I'm going to die. Unless they find a doctor to remove them and I survive the surgery there is still the whole no more feelings thing and memories. Not just if Keith but of everyone I care about. That's a lot of people Romelle. Like a lot."

     Romelle presses her hands on either side of Lance leaning in. The look on her face suddenly cold.

     "Think if it the other way around Lance. Keith suddenly coughing up flowers. Claiming he's in love with a stranger. Let's say your feelings are there but not love just yet. How do you think you would respond Lance? You think you would do anything to save him and just push the confusion aside? Or would you find his lover?"

     "I would try and find his lover. It's the best way right? Best chance?"

     "Great. Now he won't tell you anything about them. Refuses. Even after you beg and beg for a hint. A clue. What would you do Lance?"

     Lance huffed annoyed at the corner he was being backed into.

     "Obviously I would help him Romelle."

     "Help him like he's been helping you or how the others have? There has been a difference hasn't there or are you that stupid?"

     Lance narrowed his eyes slightly sinking into his chair.

     "Yeah the others love you Lance, and they are doing everything in their power to help you. There is a difference though isn't there. Who is the one coming to your aid over any little thing? Who is in your bed at night? Who is the one sending little messages all day? Who is the one basically treating you like glass no matter how much you complain about it? Who seems to be absolutely terrified of the idea of having to live on without you Lance? Come on Lance can't you see?"

     "Will you just shut up alright!"

     Lance felt himself snap. Face red voice roughed. He quickly snapped his hand over his mouth pulling his knees to his chest letting his face hide behind them.

     "I can't Romelle. I can't put that pressure on him. I can't pressure him to love me back. I can't give myself false hope. I can’t ruin things anymore then I already have.”

Romelle seemed to hover slightly before dropping down gently patting Lance’s head with a frown. Humans were such a complicated species. Nothing seemed to make a clear sense to their thinking.

“Lance, listen I know I’m not exactly an expert on all of this. I am however probably the best outside opinion you got. If you aren’t ready to admit it’s Keith then you at least need to wake up a bit and realize that the lies you are telling the others are hurting your chances to live. Keith cares about you. Very deeply. Try being a bit more honest about things. It might surprise you.”

Lance wasn’t looking at Romelle however his gaze was looking in front of them. He clicked on the com system just as Pidge voice came through.

“Uh What’s that? It’s not on my scanners.”

It didn’t matter what it was because soon the lions and their passengers were silent.

Chapter Text

     They were almost home. They were almost home. It was right there. He could see it. They were just outside the Milky Way. They would need to do some scans and still needed to baby the lions a bit but there were only a day away. 

     They were almost home. 

     The paladins explained what happened to the others. The wave came through that knocked the lions offline and freezing the others. Then they got separated and blasted all the way across the galaxy. An incredible turn of luck honestly. 

     They did not talk about however the minor break the majority of the paladins seemed to face while drifting in space. At least not to the others directly. 

     Keith had retuned to the red lion and Romelle left for blue giving Lance a meaningful look before leaving. As soon as Pidge could get them close enough to get a signal through they could go home. Till then they waited. 

     "It's right there Lance... we are home," Keith whispered once Romelle was gone

     "Yeah... who would have thought," Lance mumbled 

     He was struggling slightly. He didn't think he would have actually had to explain to his family what was going on. That now despite the fact he was back from space... he was now due to die from some weird space flower destroying his lungs. 

     Oh yeah... how in the world was he going to explain that. 

     "Are you ok?" Keith squeezed Lance's shoulder

     "How the hell am I going to tell them? I didn't think... we were supposed to make it here in time."

     Keith's face twisted at the thought. He had been so focused on keeping Lance's spirits up and desperately searching for anything that could help. He had expected to get Lance home healed. That's what he had hoped. 

     But Lance wasn't healed. 

     "Momma always said I loved to much. I would get hurt from it one day. Who would have thought it would literally be what kills me,” Lance chuckled causing Keith to tighten his grip on his shoulder

     “Shut up. We still have time. Besides maybe there is someone on Earth. They can look at it and help. Surely we have some type of technology down there. Plus Pidge’s parents are down there. They should be able to help. Actually they are probably the perfect people to help.”

     He wasn’t exactly wrong about that. The Holt’s probably were Lance’s best chance to remove the flowers. However... that did leave the problem of ripping the feelings out with them. Something Lance has been desperate to avoid. 

     Keith wished for nothing more than to figure out a way to help. He just wanted Lance ok. He didn’t want to lose Lance. He couldn’t. The thought seemed to spear icicles through his body. 

     “You know... I didn’t really mean what I said while we were floating... about how you should have stayed away. I’m glad you came back to us.”

     Keith dropped his hand from a Lance’s shoulder drifting toward his hand instead. He hesitated slightly but slid into the warmed calloused hand. Years of working on the farm, then at the Garrison, and finally space had worn the hands yet they remained soft with Lance’s care. 

     “I didn’t want to leave... but I think it was for the best at the time. I’m glad I came back too.”

     Lance squeezed Keith’s hand. Romelle’s words drifted into his brain for a brief moment. However they only stirred the flowers in his lungs. He tried to clear his throat only to cave and cough. Keith quick to rest a hand on Lance’s back stroking up and down trying to ease the tension there. 

     They both winced at the sight of the blood across the red petals. It was getting worse. There were almost enough petals for a full flower. Lance was sure that would be the next step. 

     Keith eased Lance into the pilot’s seat disappearing for a moment. Returning with some water to help ease Lance’s throat. 

     “You sure it’s not... painful? With the blood and all.”

     Lance shook his head gulping the water down, “It scratches a bit but they said it gets really painful later. We aren’t there yet.”

     Keith frowned kneeling in front of Lance. He didn’t like it one bit. It bugged him deeply. Sending spikes through his gut at the thought of Lance being in more pain. Wasn’t unrequited enough? 

     “We will get you fixed up. I promise.”

     Lance gave a slightly weak smile before setting the now empty bottle next to him. He rested his hand on Keith’s head. Messing with his hair slightly. Sending some strands out of his ponytail earning a scowl. 

     “Can I ask a favor?”

     “Is it a bad thing or a future bad thought then I say no.”

     Lance snorted slightly but Keith fully sat on the floor in front of the pilot’s seat.  Right between Lance’s legs. Lance taking the opportunity to lightly pull Keith’s hair free from its band. Lightly working his scalp with his fingers running any knots out. 

     I know you don’t like to talk about it or think about... but if we fail to work through these flowers... or even by some miracle we do fix it... it something happens to me-“

     “Lance,” Keith warned

     Lance collected Keith’s hair back up pulling his hair into a cleaner ponytail. Giving it a slight tug when it’s finished. 

     “Hold on will you. Just in case... I’m not actually saying-“

     “But you’ve been saying... for weeks now Lance.”

     “I know... just listen though ok.”

     Keith huffed but kept his eyes in front of him. The stars of the Milky Way celebrating as they edged closer. Who would of thought anything would be that beautiful. 

     “Just in case... do you mind... checking in on my family every once in awhile... I’m sure I’m the end they will be ok. There are a lot of them to look after each other. Just a bit of peace of mind I guess.”

     Keith turned resting his chin on Lance’s knee. Lance’s face seemed distant but soft. It just broke Keith’s heart over the fact the boy had already given up hope. It broke Keith knowing he couldn’t really do anything to fix it. 

     “I can look after them... and I’ll visit you often too. Don’t worry.”

     Lance let a soft smile slip. He let his hand wander back to Keith’s hair. He really liked how it looked long. He wanted to be able to braid it one day.

     There were a few shorted beeps drawing their attention before suddenly Pidge’s voice crackled onto the com. Her voice raspy and slightly panicked immediately setting the others on edge. 

     “Guys... we have a problem,” she let a distress signal loop through the coms that was coming from Earth. 

     “Earth has been captured by Galra.”

Chapter Text

     Everything seemed to slow down. 

     Another problem to deal with. Earth captured by the Galra. They had to get to Earth another way. They couldn't arrive in the lions. 

     "Lance we figured it out. Relax. You still get to see them again,"Keith muttered as they crammed themselves into the the stolen ship leaving the lions on a moon of Saturn

     "I know I know. Just... bad thoughts," Lance muttered

     Before Lance fully stepped in Keith reached for Lance's hand offering a small squeeze before letting go again. Lance gave a small nod quickly ducking his head around to hide his blush. If the others noticed they didn't say anything. 

     Keith took control quickly aiming back to Earth's atmosphere. Hunk bouncing his leg slightly as they picked up speed.

     "We are going to crash aren't we?" he muttered only to get confirmation from Keith that they were too heavy and were going to crash land into Earth

     For once though Lance was ok with crash landing. They were back on Earth. They were home.

     Lance resisted the urge to roll on the ground the moment they were free from the ship. Sure Earth was captured and all but they were finally home. 

     Home

     Home

     Keith was trying his best to ignore the look in Lance's eyes that were as radiant as ever now that they were finally home. 

     But that was hard to do because Lance caught Keith’s gaze and couldn’t hold off on giving him the most dazzling smile. A smile he hadn’t seen in ages. Since before he had left the team. 

     Something felt stuck in Keith’s throat as his chest tightened. He had a slight panic that maybe Lance’s condition was actually contagious but relaxed feeling Hunk’s heavy hand smack him on the back. 

     “Never had such a smooth crash landing. Thanks buddy!”

     “Guys. We are finally home!” Pidge squealed

     They all seemed to feel a jolt of energy trace through them as they jogged up the hill to look around. Hopefully they crash landed in the right area. Hopefully they were almost home. 

     Home. 

     They paused at the top dread spilling through them. Barren stretch of city laid ahead of them. Abandoned buildings and cars held together as a whole apocalyptic mess. Not a soul around. 

     “This isn’t far from the Garrison,” Pidge muttered looking around

     “What happened here?” Lance’s question seemed to woosh out of him taking the earlier excitement 

     Keith let his shoulder brush against Lance’s slightly as he stepped forward to look closer. Someone had already been there. They had sure done a number on the city below them.

     “I don’t know. We need to stay careful. It looks abandoned but maybe there are some hiding. We need to keep clear of the Galra. Make sure there are no traps to fall into. The Garrison knows we crash landed here. I’m sure if they can spare it they will send backup our way to get there.”

     Keith glanced over at Lance catching his eye.  A heavy feeling settling into him. 

     “We will get you to your family I promise,” Keith breathed so only Lance could hear

     Lance nodded slowly. Limbs feeling like lead as they gathered the rest of their supplies ready to head out. He hunched over for an brief moment letting a few tiny petals work their way up as they had been trying to clog his throat for too long. Hunk patting his back and offering water once he finished. 

     He hated this feeling. This uselessness. This weakness. This weak link. 

     He could feel Shiro’s gaze on him from a distance as his breath finally settled and he focused on studying the scene below again. The plan quickly formed to make way toward the Garrison trying to keep clear of the drones nearby. 

     Keith leading the way ducking and sprinting between piles. The others following while Lance brought up the rear with his blaster ready. They only made it a third of the way when drones surround the area. 

     “I’m going to draw them out and distract them,” Keith muttered before turning to Lance grabbing the front of his shirt, “Do not miss.”

     With that Keith quickly bounded off the drones quick to chase. Small blast emitting from them in pursuit of Keith. Lance quickly took his mark blasting all four out of the air in moments. 

     “And that’s why you are called sharpshooter. Nice job Lance,” Shiro thumped him on the back lightly as Keith tracked back to the group 

     “We have more incoming. We need to be quick,” Pidge said looking at her tablet 

     “Great they called for backup,” Hunk muttered looking into the distance 

     “Do you all hear that?” Allura whispered ears perked into the direction Keith had originally started toward

     The group grew quiet as they listened. It took several seconds but they could also here the slightly rumble and turn of tires approaching. 

     Lance quickly steadied his blaster again aiming in direction of the incoming noise. However another group of drones quickly flew in before the tires made an appearance. 

     “Lance!” Allura called out pointing toward the swarm

     He took aim only for a shout of “Wait!” erupted from behind them. 

     Armored vehicles had arrived. The hatch opening while two people in full gear shouted for them to stop. Instead they aimed their own guns at the drones sending static pulses through them letting them drop from the sky. 

     “Sorry. If you keep blasting like that they send reinforcements,” one spoke removing his helmet 

     Keith glared slightly as he received him. James Griffin. Of course he would be in charge of a cell now that the Paladins has left Earth. He had been a great student. Even if he was a bit of a prick. 

     “Come on. We need to get you back to the Garrison before others show up. A patrol should be rolling in before long!” The other removed their helmet 

     Keith felt Lance still besides him. He glanced at Lance then back at the girl. How did he know her? Keith hadn’t seen her before? An odd feeling tumbled through his veins at the possibilities. 

     “Veronica?”

     “Well hey Lance! Welcome home,” The girl response seemed casual but there was a hint of roughness in her voice 

     She quickly hoped out and Lance took off toward her. Their hug seemed to suffocate the pair as they reached each other. As a quick shout of joy erupted from Lance. 

     “You are ok! The others? Are they ok?”

     Keith suddenly was lost in translation after that. The language suddenly changed making it impossible for him to keep up. Heck he didn’t even know Lance spoke Spanish. 

     “Who’s that?” Allura interrupted

     “That is Veronica. One of Lance’s sisters,” Hunk said heading toward the vehicles 

     “She wasn’t with the Garrison when we left was she?” Pidge asked jumping in as Lance and Veronica kept spitting rapid fire outside the vehicle as the others loaded

     “I don’t think so,” Hunk said

     “Not while I was there either,” Shiro said as they began to drive off

     Keith felt the feeling in him dissolve at the information. Instead moving to study Lance again out of the corner of his eye. 

     There was a new light in Lance. Something that had faded long ago when he had first began his journey. The warmth seem to spread over the group. For the first time, despite the grimness of what was around them, everyone seemed warm. 

     Or maybe it was just for Keith. 

Chapter Text

The drive to the Garrison was surprisingly easy. It gave Keith plenty of time to glance around at the damage the Galra had done. James and Veronica filling them in slightly on the basics. Kosmo rubbed slightly against Keith leg as he rested his giant head in Lance's lap.

Keith could feel the earlier excitement from rejoining with Veronica fade. Nervousness seemed to ink back into him. Keith spared a glance his way noting Lance rolling his bottom lip in his teeth. It was a bit of a stretch and Shiro noticed the movement but Keith nudged Lance's foot with his. Lance turning slightly to look at Keith.

Keith gave a small smile and gave a big sigh. Hoping Lance would get the message. Lance smiled slightly but shook his head pointing to his chest.

His lunges must be bugging him. Must be why he got quiet.

It also dawned on Keith that they would have to explain it all again... the flowers growing insides Lance. The ones slowly killing him. Stealing every breathe and scratching at his heart. This time having to explain it to his family. Something Lance hadn't wanted to do in the first place. He had already expected to be dead before they reached home.

     Keith felt himself wondering about the rest of Lance's family. Both Veronica and Lance went to the Garrison so they had to be smart. What about the others? Did they carry the same happy go lucky attitude as these two? Despite being separated for years they quickly jumped into the groove of each other. Almost like he had never left.

     "So once we get there they will want to hold a full briefing I'm sure. It will be good to finally get all the proper information and maybe be able to take down the Galra," James said as he pulled through the shield walls prepping to park

     "Is there a chance we can see our families first?" Hunk asked looking out they window

     "I'm sure they are already waiting... but Hunk that does remind me," the vessel bounced slightly as James braked in front of the Garrison

     "Way to land Griffin," Keith muttered earning a glare from Shiro

     "This isn't a ship Keith," Allura mused

     Keith rolled his eyes feeling several glares on him. However Lance's little snort made him smirk. At least someone found him humorous.

     The hatch opened and slowly one by one they stepped out. A crowd of people around them chattering. A few cheers as they spotted those they knew.

     "Katie!"

     Heads snapped to the voice as if they were all named Katie. A thin, tall woman stepped away rushing to the vehicle. Pidge leaning out of the doorway jumped out launching herself at the woman who caught her with ease. Gently sinking to the ground with her arms around her a man quickly stepped forward to join them. Tears evident in their eyes.

     Keith could see Lance let out a small smile. Then heads moved again as Lance's name was called. Veronica gently pushed on Lance's back toward the people.

     Keith was surprised to see how stilled Lance seem to get at the sight of his family. Keith gently hip bumped him hoping to break him from the gaze. It worked and Lance quickly took off toward his family. He lost sight of Lance in moments as his family swallowed him into a hug. Words of Spanish and English flying around faster than Keith could keep up with.

     He was nudge slightly and turned to see a sly smirk from Veronica who hadn't joined the rest of her family just yet. She winked at him before hurrying to join the Lance burrito that had formed.

     His attention turned to Hunk as he felt the him slump slightly.

     "They aren't here," he whispered

     "That's... what we need to talk about," James turned to him taking off his helmet, "They are safe for now but they aren't here."

     "Where are they then? Can we bring them here?" Keith asked moving his attention away from the McClain reunion

     "That's the tricky part. They are with the Galra. We already tried extracting some people and we lost too many fighters to try a second found. It's part of why we really need to hurry with a plan. They are safe just being used for simply labor. Carrying stuff in mines and such," James pulled his gloves placing them in his helmet with a sigh

     "They can give you more details I'm sure but they are safe," with that James stalked off the join his fellow pilots

     "I'm sorry Hunk," Allura gently placed a hand in his shoulder, "I promise we will do everything in power to free them. You have my word," she whispered lightly only earning a small shrug

     "We do need get briefed and work on something immediately. We have many pressing matters," Shiro turned to face Iverson

     He kept a gruff expression as he looked at both Shiro and Keith having already introduced himself to Coran and Allura. His eye was drawn below as he noticed a thumping around Keith's leg. He carefully leaned down patting Kosmo on the head who gladly accepted the pats.

     "I guess I owe the pair of you an apology," he hummed standing again

     "Seems so," Keith muttered under his breath but no one caught the remark

     Kosmo suddenly wiggles away from Keith's leg bounding over time where he could now openly see Lance. Lance still on the floor with kids clambering around him.

     Kosmo carefully sniffed the kids who gasped hiding behind Lance. Lance smiled talking to them quietly patting Kosmo's head. One peaked her head out slowly from behind Lance. Kosmo wagged his tail lightly before licking her in the face earning a squeal.

     The kids seemed to fall back into Lance's lap as Kosmo focused himself on the kids in front of him. Gently laying his head on Lance's knee gladly accepting the children's pats.

     "Mrs. Holt," Keith blinked as he looked around for her

     "Oh yes dear?" She turned not far from where he was a hand still on Pidge's head as she talked rapidly to her father

     "We need to meet with you privately after the briefing if possible. There is an important matter we need to discuss that need to be addressed immediately," Keith muttered to her lightly

     Her face seems to change slightly at Keith's tone. She was quick to notice the frown and underlining tone to it.

     "What you I prepare?" She whispered back

     "An open mind."

Chapter Text

     "This is incredible," Mrs Holt muttered under her breath for what felt like the hundredth time 

     Lance couldn’t help but stare at the scan in front of him. Flowers, thorns, or vines all cluttered in his chest. All around his lungs and heart. No wonder he was struggling so much to breath. 

     It was just the paladins and Mrs. Holt in the room. Lance requested not to involve anyone who didn't need to be there. The paladins all insisted on being there much to his displeasure. 

     "So the issue is... remove the plant and you remove the feeling of love yes?" Mrs Holt asked hitting down notes

     "Yes... they develop from unrequited love. So once you remove them you remove the love. You run into the issue however of also removing love in general as well as memories of those you love. This includes family, friends, etc," Allura spoke staring at the screen with a frown

     "Well... I know you told me you had like three months... judging by the scans from today something changed. You at best have a month. Maybe less. Give me a week to sort a plan and I'll see what I can come up with. Ideally I can try to remove the plants without removing the feelings... however that may not be an option."

     "And if we can't?" Lance asked staring at the disaster in front of him

     "Well... I think we can do the surgery for sure. Removing the plants is the easy part judging by the info Katie gave me. The tricky part is making sure you keep the memories and feelings. Its why the surgery fails as much as it does."

     "What if we don't do it?" Lance muttered looking at his lap, "What if I don't want to forget anything?"

     The room felt heavy as silence drew in. It seemed so stupid. Not doing the surgery purely to remember a stranger who didn't love him back. For Lance however... he would lose everything. His love for Keith, the other paladins, his family, and all the memories that came with it. He would just be an empty shell. 

     "I don't want to be an empty shell. I'm not any use to anyone like that."

     "You wouldn't be any use dead either," Shiro said bluntly eyes still on the scans

     "It would basically be the same thing Shiro," Lance countered

     Shiro went to open his mouth but Keith stepped forward throwing a sharp glare his direction. 

     "Look... I know it seems stupid," Lance muttered dropping his gaze again

     "You are basically willing to give up everything for some stranger none of us know. It doesn't make sense," Hunk said gently patting Lance's shoulder

     "If we remove the plants... we remove everything. Basically it's a system reset. I would not be able to remember love and I would never love again. I don't think I could handle it. I wouldn't remember you all or my family. Not to mention... I wouldn't be able to love any of you after. Are you all forgetting that part. I would literally be soulless. Just like those creatures we fought before. The invincible things. I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be happy. I don't want to live like that."

     His words seemed to settle in the group. The full meaning and understanding seemed to settle. If the surgery failed they wouldn't have their Lance back. Simply a shell. Empty. One of Lance's strongest abilities was how he loved and how he showed his love for others. They would basically get back a Lance robot. 

     "So you just want us to what? Give up? Say goodbye?" Pidge's voice cracked slightly

     Lance reached out pulling her to a hug. She settled slightly against him as he rested his chin on her head. 

     "We wait... hopefully they can figure out a way... if not then.... well," Lance shrugged 

     "How are you ok with that?" Allura's voice seemed short and bitter

     Lance raised an eyebrow, "you think I am? I've accepted my fate simply because I've had time to accept it. I already had time to understand what's happening. I don't want to die but I don't want to be a zombie. I don't want to be a problem."

     Keith felt stuck to the wall at this point. Observing what Lance had grown to accept and tried to get the others to accept long ago. Something Keith himself didn't want to accept. He was still determined to help Lance in every way possible. Even if it was just staying by his side the whole time. Making every moment count. Making sure Lance felt as loved as possible. 

     Loved

     Keith felt his stomach and chest twist slightly. That's all he wanted Lance to feel at this point. Happy. Safe. Loved. 

     Of course he wanted him to live too. The more he thought about Lance leaving the more it bugged him. It bugged him more how easily Lance accepted the deal. He was ok dying feeling unloved. 

     How was that ok?

     His thoughts stopped along with the talking around him as there was a sudden round of coughing from Lance. Heavy and deep. Sure enough when Lance pulled his hand away there was a full bloom.

     The red flower seemed to glare back at all of them. A small bit of blood tipped the edge. Keith moved off the wall pulling forward a bottle of water he had kept from the meeting prior. Lance took it gratefully as he handed Mrs Holt the flower. 

     She muttered things taking notes as she studied it. Keith now on Lance’s side ignoring Shiro’s side look. He didn’t like whatever thoughts were running through Shiro’s brain. He wasn’t sure what they were but he had a feeling he would hear them soon. 

     “Look, give me a week and I’ll work with some of the doctors here. Maybe we can figure out something.”

     “No one else needs to know who it is... ok. I don’t want to stress out my family. I just... I want to enjoy them while I can without them stressing. I’ll tell them... when it’s time but I want to enjoy them while I can. Plus I don’t think it would be good if word got out a paladin was on his deathbed. I don’t want to take hope away from everyone.”

    Keith gritted his teeth as he squeezed Lance’s knee. He had such a brave face on right now. He wondered if Lance would break once he was away for the evening. He wondered if Lance still wanted to sleep next to him now that they were back on Earth. If he wanted time alone for now. 

     “Top secret. Got it. Now go you lot. Rest. We have a long hard battle ahead of us.”

     Shiro quickly caught Keith’s eye and gave a small nod toward the door. 

     Looks like he wasn’t going to let Keith escape whatever talk he had planned. 

Chapter Text

  Shiro silently lead Keith outside. Behind one of the hold garages that was now used to store some lesser items. Keith leaned against it looking up at Shiro crossing his arms.

     A small storm already building inside him. Unsure about what Shiro's intentions were. Shiro's opinion on Lance's condition had been firm from the beginning. Get the surgery. He had been gentle at first about trying to convince him but it looked like he was running out of patience.

     Then there was the other thing he had brought up right when test of the crew found out. Keith's old crush on Lance. Keith had never openly admitted to Shiro he had gained a crush on Lance. He sorta picked it up on his own. Noting the small things Keith often did when he thought no one was looking.

     Time away from Lance had let the crush wither away. No more then a soft thought of what was. Keith wasn't worried about his feelings now he was worried about Lance. Shiro... had multiple concerns.

     "There are several things I need to address and I don't want you to interrupt me," Shiro began

     Keith narrowed his eyed and nodded resisting the urge to shuffle his feet in the dirt.

     "First... this thing Lance is doing... you have to change his mind. Convince him to get the surgery."

     "His mind is made up at this point Shiro I'm sorry. I have no influence there. I've tried."

     Shiro raised his hand, "This is Lance we are talking about. That boy has so much love to spare there is no physical way he's going to lose all of it. If anything he will learn to actually love like the rest of us and not so intensely," Shiro gave a small smile to Keith

     "That boy has so much love in him he needs to understand that. He's not going to lose all of it just removing the memory of one."

     "What if you are wrong and the doctors mess up?"

     "As terrible as it is... he won't remember it was us who told him to get it... but... I just have a feeling Keith. Something is screaming inside me that he will be ok. I'm trying to have faith here and trust it. We can't afford to lose him. He is valuable to the team. Irreplaceable at this point. He's come so far as a paladin and his teamwork."

     "And you don't want to deal with trying to replace the red lion's pilot again," Keith interrupted earning a glare from Shiro

     "Could you believe me for five seconds that I am not thinking about the mission for once and I am actually worried about Lance and the rest of you. Specifically you."

     Keith paused tilting his head giving his eyebrow a small raise. 

     "Why are you worried about me? Lance is the one who's life is on the line."

     "Yeah and I'm trying to find a way for Lance to live. I'm trying to be optimistic here. I'm trying to think what might work but you..." Shiro paused and sighed rubbing his hand down his face

     "I'm worried about what is going to happen... if he chooses not to do the surgery. The team losing Lance... yeah we lose the red paladin and everything but we lose more then that. I missed a lot being stuck on the astroplan. I couldn't interact with Lance the way I wanted to. I could only try and I could only catch small bits of what was happening. The thing is Lance went through a hard time when you were gone. From what I gathered he was basically left alone and felt abandoned by his own teammates. Then things changed and happened fast. He got sick and you came back and things changed. He gained someone back that was willing to help and eventually everyone found out and tried to help too. He got the support back. Now I think the others realize what was missing during all that time. It wasn't just you and me but they lost Lance. Not physically but the Lance everyone came to love and care for. The Lance that was their friend. They just hadn't realized it yet."

     Shiro ran a hand through his hair. His eyes looking distant as he thought and recollected himself. 

     "Not to mention," Shiro looked back at Keith, "You have been the one with him this whole time. Ever since you got back. You two have even been sleeping in the same bed. Basically together even when you don't need to be. You had a crush on him before... I'm worried for you... if its coming back spending all this time with him... how are you going to handle it if he doesn't get the surgery? How are you going to handle losing him in general?"      

     Keith looked down towards his feet. This was something he had refused to think about. He hated the thought of losing Lance physically... but also if the surgery failed... Lance was right he would just be a zombie. He wouldn't really be Lance. It was just be losing him anyway.

     "This isn't about-" Shiro raised his hand but Keith kept on, "us as a team or anything Shiro. This is purely Lance and the key word there is HAD a crush... sorta happens when you are locked on a ship with only like five other people Shiro. Once I left it was gone. I'm fine."

     "I have every right to worry about you and Lance and the others. I understand Lance's worry about... losing love," Shiro gave a soft smile and Keith wondered if there was a different meaning to it

     "But... what if it works. He needs some kind of light. He needs hope going on that he might be ok. You need to get him to consider the surgery. For his sake... and for everyone," Shiro dropped a hand on Keith's shoulder

     "Plus... none of the others got crushes on anyone besides Lance on Allura and Allura to Lotor... so you can't say much," Keith blushed slightly at his slight taunt

     They were silent for awhile staring at each other as if waiting for the other to crack. Keith sick of silence at this point. He had too much of it when he was stuck on that stupid space whale.

     Keith finally sighed letting his head rest against the wall behind him, "You act like I am the only one who can convince him."

     "I honestly think you are."

Chapter Text

     Keith shuffled his way back to the rooms after his talk with Shiro. His mind heavy with details. Of what to do. Too many questions and too many what ifs. 

     He finally arrived to the room he had been shown earlier. There wasn't much room at the Garrison at the moment for obvious reasons. It wasn't much of a surprised to find that each room now held four people instead of the normal individual room. The beds stack as bunkbeds pushed on separate sides. There wasn't much room to move past that. 

     Keith found that Hunk had already taken a bottom bunk Lance on the atop of it. Kosmo seemed to have teleported himself up there as well. He had originally thought they would be getting their own room. He only got the news on his way back so his plans were wacked. He had planned to talk to Lance. He had planned to sneak to Lance's room for the night just like he had been every night prior. 

     No now he had to hold back.

     Kosmo let a yip and jumped down landing on Keith effectively knocking him to the ground. Keith groaned under the weight when slight laughed echoed the room.

     "Hey did you see Shiro in the way back? They hadn't exactly explained the sleep arrangement. We thought it was solo again but apparently he is rooming with us. Pidge is with her family and Allura and Coran were helping them they might be rooming with them," Hunk said helping Keith to his feet

     "Poor Pidge," snorted Keith dusting himself off, "But no we spilt ways before hand as he had something to take care of. I'm sure he will be found."

     Lance hummed from his spot up top. Keith looked up tilting his head slightly.

     "Why aren't you with your family?"

     "Besides the obvious issue, their room is full and I figured it is probably best to stay with you all in case the paladins need to jump into action you know."

     Keith hummed in response looking at the beds across. Guess this was how it was going to be then.

     The door opened again and Shiro appeared. Keith could see hints of red at the edges of his eyes. Keith frowned feeling worry rise. Had something happened?

     Before Keith could open his mouth Shiro shook his head oh so slightly. He gave a small wave to the other two before heading for the bottom bunk on the empty side. He spared a quick goodnight before pulling a little curtain closed around his bed.

     Keith turned to the others and shrugged. They shrugged in return sparing a sigh. They gave one more small round of detail on what was expected in the morning before giving their own goodnights.

     It was weird really being back on Earth like this. Being so casual about everything around them. They were back home but it was weird. So so weird. They were just going to bed after all this. Taking a nap for the evening. Not running out right away to take back their home.

     It made Keith itch. It was uncomfortable. He felt like he should be doing something more. Like helping Hunk's family or planning more. Not sleeping.

     Though rest was a key part of being ready. In order to be at their best. He knew that.

     But God it was frustrating

     Keith huffed for the umpth time since the lights had went out. Kosmo had chosen yet again to stay with Lance. Not that Keith minded. He knew Lance needed the extra body and it gave Keith more room in his own bed. Though Keith had grown use to sleeping besides another. Which was even weirder for him to realize as it was to admit. 

     Maybe that was why he felt so on edge. He was just waiting for something to call him over. He was waiting for Lance to need him again. If he would let him. If he would allow it. 

     It took another hour at least before Keith could finally feel his eyes drift. He had convinced himself he would talk to Lance tomorrow. Talk to him before morning briefings. He would talk to him then... to try and convince him... well he wasn't sure of what. Convince him to stay. To try. To hope he can remember all of them after the surgery. Hope he would still be Lance.

     Or would he support him in the decision to let him remain him till the end

     Even if it kills him

     Just as Keith's breaths were steadying he felt a sudden pressure appear by his feet with a light floosh in sound. Keith flinched wake. Hand moving for his dagger under the pillow ready to strike. Only blinking to see Kosmo with a bleary eyed Lance.  

     "Lance?" Keith whispered as his mind began to catch up to what his eyes were seeing

     Lance was shaking slightly. He hadn't cried out though so maybe it wasn't a nightmare. Maybe it was just a minor one at best. Something had still shaken him enough to wake him or prevent him from sleeping.

     Lance simply moved besides Keith despite the small size of the bed. Curling up to his side burying his face into his chest. Kosmo turning circles at the edge forcing the boys to curl their feet closer to their bodies. He laid down with a huff as Lance also let out a sigh relaxing at Keith's side.

     "What happened?" Keith asked moving slightly to make sure Lance had room

     "I got to thinking too much," Lance whispered  

     Keith hummed tugging Lance to him. Pathetic as it was he loved this type of contact. Something he had never sought before. Not with his father, mother, or Shiro. With Lance it was different. It was comfort. It was ok. 

     Because Lance needed it just as much as he did

     "We will figure it out ok. Sleep for now. We can talk in the morning. We aren't useful if we don't rest. We need to take back our home," Keith whispered feeling an odd sense of peace rise in his chest

     Lance let a small huff of air flee with humor from his nose. His eyes already closing. His body relaxing into a new peace he only found in moments like this. These few stolen moments that he could savor in secret. These moments he could imagine for just one brief moment of what could be. 

     Well what could have been at least

     "Thank you Keith. Goodnight."

     "Goodnight Lance." 

Chapter Text

      Keith woke up to find Lance still softly snoring into his chest. A relaxed look on his face. Tear stains not visible on his cheeks. Kosmo stretched out on his back and legs in the air right on their legs. 

     Keith was struck by how oddly domestic it all seemed. 

     Maybe more confused by the fact he was ok with it. 

     He peeked over noticing both Shiro and Hunk were still asleep. It must be still early. All that time on the whale really messed with his internal clock. He fished his phone out to check the time. Heck would it even work properly on Earth? Like Earth time or... space time...

     Either way 5:44am flashed around him. Not really helpful as to where but he took his best guess and hoped it was accurate.

     He stretched out his toes as feeling a few pop. Kosmo huffed annoyed at the action and blinked over at Keith. Keith wanted to stretch fully but there was still a Lance on his chest.

     Would it be rude to wake him? 

     Keith couldn't ponder on it more because there was a small whine from Lance who tightened his grip on Keith's shirt for a moment before relaxing. He seemed to slowly blink himself to life and look up. Keith noting the dazed and distant expression in his eyes. 

     "Hey Kosmo teleported you over here early in the night."

     "Oh sorry," Lance said pulling himself off of Keith creating a safe amount of space between them

     "You know not to worry about it," Keith could only really muttering fully sitting up

     Lance looked around noting the others still asleep. Stealing the chance to fully stretch himself before heading toward the ladder.

     "Guess we should get ready. Do you know the time?"

     "Not sure if the space phones really work here. If so it's almost six."

     "Let's take a gamble and say it matches up," Lance said landing on the floor moving to his set of clothes the Garrison had found for them

     Much needed at this point honestly they didn't really have much in space. You could only wash things so many times for they got a bit too worn out. 

     "What do you think the plan is for today?" Keith asked joining Lance looking at his new uniform

     "I think they mentioned a meeting. Likely will want to talk to us some more. Training probably," Lance listed stripping his shirt 

     "Think you will be able to sneak off for a proper reunion with your family?" Keith asked also changing his shirt

     "I hope so... I'm kinda nervous about it though I guess. Plus there is still so much to do. We need to get the Galra out of here. There are still too many families trapped by them like Hunk's. It almost doesn't feel right to get to spend time with them you know... when everyone else is still without theirs."

     "We will take care of it don't worry," Keith said dropping a hand on Lance's shoulder before turning around so he could change pants as well

     To think he would have been flustered years ago changing in front of Lance. Now it had happened so often he had started memorizing the patterns on Lance's scars. 

     "Yeah... we still got a lot to do," Lance cleared his throat but cursed slightly coughing as he buttoned his pants

     The talk with Shiro flashed in Keith's mind for a moment. 

     Could he really do that? Convince Lance to have the surgery. Potentially lose memory of everyone. To never love again.

     Could they really afford to lose him though? As a paladin... or friend...

     Keith felt his heart stutter slightly at the thought of Red having a new pilot. Him having to have a different right hand man. A new sharpshooter. Someone new by his side...

     He couldn't...

     He could only see Lance

     "Hey Lance-"

     They both jumped however at a sharp yawn. Hunk stretching in his bed blinking up at the bed above him. 

     “I’m not dreaming... we are on Earth right?”

     Lance chuckled slightly, “Yeah buddy we are on Earth.”

     “Do you all ever sleep?”

     They all looked over to a grumbling Shiro pulling the blankets over his head. 

     “What’s wrong grumpy? Wrong side of the bed?” Keith teased 

     A pillow was aimed toward his head but he easily caught it and tossed it back. Lance laughed but cleared his throat quickly. Flowers likely trying to make an escape. 

     “Come on. I’m sure breakfast will be available soon,” Keith said looking back down at the time on his phone

     “Oh yes real food. Human food. I’ve missed it so much!” Hunk sighed dreamily rolling to the floor with a thud

     Lance snorted turning to the door, “I’m going to see if my family needs anything. I’ll see you in the cafeteria.”

     The door slide shut behind him and Shiro pulled the blanket back from over his face. He gave Keith a look as Hunk stood stretching. His back popping slightly as he turned each direction. 

     “What?” Keith asked pulling on his jacket

     “Did you talk to him?”

     “No.”

     Shiro sighed and Hunk stripped his shirt joining Keith grabbing his his shirt from the pile. 

     “Talk about what?” Hunk asked sliding on the new shirt smoothing it out

     “To try and convince Lance to have the surgery,” Shiro answered finally moving from his bed 

     Hunk’s face rang with surprise. He looked between Shiro’s serious and annoyed face and Keith’s scowl. 

     “You really think he will change his mind?” Hunk asked

     “No but Shiro is pretty hell bent on trying.”

     “Look... it’s worth a shot. Really. Is the person he loves so much really worth dying for?”

     “To him it is,” Keith defend feeling his temper flare already

     “It’s not like happy endings always exist anyway. Probably easier not to fall in love ever again.”

     “What is with you this morning? Not enough coffee yet? Didn’t get the warm welcome from your ex you thought you were going to get? Didn’t save the world just by showing up?” Keith’s words fell out of his mouth before he could monitor them

     “Hey guys knock it off,” Hunk tried but Shiro had already straightened up and his gaze seemed far at Keith’s words

     “Adam’s dead... so yeah I stand by what I say,” Shiro grabbed his clothes and headed straight out the door without another word

     Guilt swarmed over Keith. He didn’t know. He didn’t know Adam was dead. His words had a different type of bite than he had meant for them to have. 

     Is that why Shiro was pressing this too? He really thinks it would be easier to never love again?

     “Who’s Adam?”

     “Shiro’s ex fiancé... they had a fight and sorta broke it off right before Shiro went missing. I didn’t know he died.”

     “It was probably in the initial invasion. It’s not really your fault you didn’t know,” Hunk said placing a hand on Keith’s shoulder

    “I still shouldn’t have said it.”

     “You shouldn’t have... but you can’t take it back now.”

     Hunk sighed and went back to changing. Keith stood awkwardly against the dresser waiting. Might as well. Probably wasn’t right to leave Hunk alone. Maybe he was just hiding his own fear and guilt of running into Lance or Shiro again too.

     “Do you really think you can convince Lance to get the surgery?”

     Keith jumped slightly not realizing he had zoned out. He bit down hard enough on his lip it drew blood. Kosmo finally teleporting to the floor to join him. 

     “Do you think I should?”

     Hunk paused slightly before gathering his jacket and smoothing the patches. He looked over it one more time before slipping it on. 

     “I think we need to figure out a way to save Lance. Even... even if it’s not the way he wants.”

Chapter Text

     Keith wasn't aware Lance with kids was becoming a favorite thing... but it definitely was. 

     Lance's family seemed to be helping in the kitchen to serve everyone. When the Paladins arrived some of the younger ones squealed and ran for him. He caught them twirling them around before placing them on his hip. 

     A small part of Keith wanted to tell Lance to take it easy. Not to over do it for the sake of things. At the same time however the scene was enough to bring a small smile to Keith's face. So who was he to interrupt. 

     Keith nodded slightly to the lady who handed him his tray and he made his way to sit besides Pidge when Romelle and Allura walked in. Keith was surprised to noticed Romelle twisting her hands together and locking on to him. She breezed over just as he sat leaning over. 

     "Can I please speak to you either before or after the next briefing? I wanted to talk to you earlier about it but we kinda got hit with the electrical issues and suddenly Earth was there and well... you know," Romelle waved her hand slightly through the air

     "Um sure? Is there a problem?" Keith asked 

     Romelle nodded slightly to Lance who was finally getting his tray despite the kids now hanging off his legs, "I figured out something but I need to talk to you privately about it."

     Romelle walked off before Keith could respond giving a small nod to Lance as she headed for the food line where Allura was already waiting. 

     "Uncle Lance," the older nephew whispered still attached to his leg as they approached the table, "Is this ok?"

     Keith looked down at the two clinging to Lance. His heart squeezed at the sight of them clinging to him. Keith felt his eyes widen slightly when it did. He didn't even like kids. 

     "Just behave. Keith won't bite but Pidge might," Lance said sticking a tongue out at Pidge

     Pidge scowled and flipped him off behind her cup. Hunk walked by right in time to smack her hand. Sitting down next to Lance with a sad smile as he looked down at the small ones still attached to Lance's legs. 

     "Hey you two. It's been a long time!"

     "Hi Hunk!" They squealed burying their faces into Lance's leg

     Hunk chuckled and lightly chatted with the pair having to look under the table slightly at them. Lance smiled softly before finally turning to his breakfast. 

     "Everything good this morning?" Keith asked digging into his as well

     "So far. I think they plan on doing another meeting than they want to take some of us out to scout the area. Some of us are staying behind to relay more information," Lance said before breaking off into a soft moan as he bit into a strawberry 

     "I've missed Earth food," Lance sighed

     "Me too," Hunk joined in as he too sighed biting into his own strawberry

     "What did you all eat in space," one of the kids whispered from under the table looking up at the group

     "It was green goo. Not as good as strawberries but you got use to it," Lance winked at the pair below

     "Speak for yourself," Pidge muttered

     "Green goo? Like the stuff that comes from ghosts?" The other added

     Keith snorted slightly earning a slightly look from Hunk who shook his head but smiled as well. 

     "It was better than the stuff that comes from ghosts," Lance said poking their sides earning giggles

     "Does that mean you've eaten ghost goo," Keith teased 

     Lance poked his tongue out at him as the pair giggled louder finally poking their heads over the table to really look at the rest of the group. 

     This was nice. An odd feeling rose through Keith at the thought. Seeing Lance like this. Happy and carefree teasing and chatting with children. It felt like one of the few times Keith got to see the real Lance. 

     The real Lance... did he even know what that meant himself?

     Keith has always seen what Lance wanted him to. At least at first when he didn’t have such a secret to hide. When he was difficult to read to start. At least that’s what Keith had thought. 

     Keith hadn’t about getting to know Lance when they were first thrown together as Paladins. They were forced to obviously. Then something shifted. Keith never really knew what it was or when it started but it was tiny. So damn tiny. 

     When Keith had realized he had grown attached that the crush had begun he panicked. What else was he supposed to do? It was Lance he didn’t have a chance anyway. So when the Blade gave the offer he took it so quickly. It was the easiest way pull himself out of it. 

     And it worked....

     Till now at least

     Keith felt his hand spams in his lap. He’s sure his eyes widened so he quickly dropped his gaze to his lap. Away from the sight of Lance with kids. Only for memories to swarm back to the surface. 

     The ones from the whale. The ones that didn’t make sense. The ones with Lance smiling at kids that weren’t the ones under the table. The ones with Lance smiling at he assumed was him. Hair slightly grey and age to his eyes. The ones of a summer at the beach with him and a toddler dangling her feet as the ocean licked her toes. Ones of him by a Christmas tree dangling a mistletoe in front of him. 

     Oh...

     “Keith you good?”

     Keith nodded slightly knowing he was far from good. Pidge took the nod as his answer and turned back to the group conversation. 

     Shiro was right. When he mentioned it back in space. Keith just hadn’t seen it yet. He had forgotten it. Could you forget a feeling like that? Was that a possible thing to do? Forget what a crush was?

     His feelings for Lance were still there...

     They might even be stronger now than when he had left. 

     But it didn’t matter

     His crush didn’t matter

     Lance was in love with someone and it was going to kill him. 

     Lance’s feelings didn’t belong to Keith. 

     Keith wouldn’t call his crush to the point of love. Still just a crush...

     But it didn’t hurt any less

Chapter Text

     "So what did you need to tell me?"

     Keith was stretching out on the gym floor where Romelle had joined bouncing on her toes slightly. She peeled around for the billionth time making sure they were alone. 

     They should be. They had been doing a patrol getting a feel for the arena and such. Planning was also happening elsewhere but a lot of people were taking advantage of the break time to hit the showers or be with their families. 

     Keith knew he had left Lance just outside his family's room with Veronica. He only had one close call with the flowers and Veronica. They had passed it off as dust from the Earth and him not being use to it after being gone for so long. All the whole Lance quickly stuffed the bloody flower in his pocket before Keith stole it safely tossing it before they moved on. 

     "About Lance... I have an idea or a hint of something I'm not quiet sure how well it will work because I realized when I started thinking about it what all it could mean."

     Keith sighed looking up from the floor at Romelle's face. She still looked nervous and distracted basically focusing on all the workout equipment around them and not Keith. 

     "Is it about how I can convince him to do the surgery because I'm all ears."

     "He's not going to do the surgery," She snorted

     "I don't think he will either. Shiro wants me to try and so does Hunk. I'm... trying to think of a way to convince him to give it a shot... I honestly think it will just end up with us yelling at each other and I don't want to do that," Keith laid fully out on the floor crossing his leg on the other side of him popping his back

     "What if... what if I think I know what the flowers are for?"

     Keith paused counting slightly in his brain before sitting up again and turning to Romelle. She hesitated but looked down at him from her spot. She glanced to the door then back at Keith as if  in a hurry.  

     "What?"

     "I think I know who the flowers are for... Right before that electrical wave hit us and tore you all apart from the lions. Literally the day before we got to Earth I noticed something. Lance didn't fully deny it at least at the time either."

     "Deny what? I thought it was some random alien girl he met on his travels. That's what he told me. That's what he told all of us."

     "Well... look I think I know why he didn't say anything before you get mad at him," Romelle whispered finally crouching down to look at Keith eye level, "Think about it. Unrequited love."

     "Yeah we know he loves someone and they don't love him back," Keith felt a new sense of annoyance run through him

     It was Allura wasn't it. After everything Lance lied saying it wasn't Allura but here Romelle is saying she knows who it may be. 

     So it had to be Allura

     "Exactly... have we thought that the reason he didn't say anything about who exactly it was... is so they don't feel guilty?"

     Guilty?

     "Guilty? For what?"

     "For being the one slowly killing him over something they can't control. Over a love they can't fake or force."

     Oh

     "Think about it Keith, I haven't even know Lance that long but I can see, and I know how deeply he loves and cares for others. I can see him not saying it out of embarrassment for himself yes... but he's likely thinking of the other person too."

     "He doesn't want them blaming themselves if he dies over it," Keith concluding letting his body slide back to the floor string at the ceiling 

     "Exactly," Romelle whispered

     "Well," Keith rubbed his hand over his face, "We just don't tell Allura."

     Romelle cocked her head and looked down at Keith again, "What?"

     "We don't tell her... but maybe we give them a chance. Set them up on dates. Send them out together all the time. Keep them together and maybe... maybe we get luck and she falls in love with him."

     "Keith it's not Allura," Romelle looked like she was about to hit Keith upside the head

     Keith sat up again with a frown, "Wait, I thought you said you knew who it was?"

     "I'm pretty sure I do yeah... but it's not Allura. It's not some strange girl..."

     "Then who the hell is it?" Keith growled

     Romelle twisted her hands and bite her lip. She looked over her shoulder several times at the door. Buying time or making sure they weren't interrupted Keith wasn't sure. 

     "Keith... I really want to tell you... but it's not my place to say."

     Keith buried the palm of his hands into his eyes trying to force the pain growing in his brain to go to sleep as he laid back on the ground yet again in defeat. His brain running through everyone they had met on their travels. 

     "Then what the hell is the point Romelle. I'm trying to help him but I can't if I don't know who. If we have a chance here let's take it and run. We can't risk loosing him!"

     "I know I know," She whispered, "Look... I promise keep doing what you are doing. Try to talk to him about the surgery... but maybe... start looking outside that box you have everything in Keith. See how he acts with everyone. Please. Keep doing what you are doing but don't forget to take care of yourself too. How would you feel if he was gone?"

     "Please Romelle," Keith was surprised to hear his voice crack he definitely couldn't lift his hands now

     He felt a small hand reach for his shoulder giving it a slight squeeze, "We will figure it out Keith. We will. We either get the person to realize they love him or we convince him to get the surgery."

     "What if they don't love him back? What the hell do we do?"

     He could hear Romelle chewing her lip again. She gave another slight squeeze to his shoulder before standing. He carefully pulled away his hands and sat up when he felt it was safe to reveal his face again. 

     "I think... I think they almost do. I think they have been slowly falling in love. I think they are standing right at the edge of the cliff and we just need to find that tipping point. I will help find that tipping point ok. Just please Keith. Keep him alive till then."

     "I'll do my best."

Chapter Text

"Hey can we talk?"

That was probably the most nerve wracking question people can get. Mainly because it can stem to a lot of different possibilities. Including heartbreak. 

Luckily for Lance it wasn't like Keith could break his heart more at this point. 

"Yeah sure," Lance whispered from his spot on the floor where he had been sitting with his cousins 

Most had fallen asleep at this point. The movie in front of them flickering feebly. Apparently the Holts had dug up some old disks and movies to keep the younger ones entertained as their parents dealt with the war around them. 

Anything to give them a little peace at least. 

Keith lead Lance toward the same place Shiro had taken him the first night they arrived. Keith rubbed his hands on the inside of his jacket trying to clear them of the sweat but if anything it made it worse. 

They had only been there a few days. They had a plan that was supposed to go in effect tomorrow. Minor mission with big hopes obviously. Mrs. Holt said she was getting closer to an idea of the surgery plan for Lance. 

So now felt like a time to say something. 

"Please don't be mad," Keith muttered as he fully faced Lance

"Why what happened?" Lance tilted his head to catch Keith's eyes

It only seemed to make him feel worse

Keith took a breath to steady himself. So much had changed since they first stepped into the blue lion. He made so many mistakes. He had fought so much that he exhausted himself only to have to get up and fight again. 

Thai was going to be a fight. He could feel it. 

He didn't want it to be. 

"Mrs. Holt checked in with me today because she couldn't find you," Keith started

"Oh yeah. I was on scouting duty and then clean up. Then obviously with my family. Sorry what did she need?"

"She said thinks she almost has it. That... she might be able to do the surgery without tampering with some of the feelings at least."

"Some? Which would she be removing," Lance seemed to pause fiddling with his fingers slightly

"She still can't figure out the source love. You know the love that's causing the problem," Keith ran a hand through his hair wincing slightly

He needed a hair cut

Lance winced as well looking toward the ground, "It's nice of her to try at least," He muttered

"Look Lance," Keith raised his hand slightly letting it hover in the air 

It hesitated before falling back to his side. Lance simply staring at him. The stupid look in his eye. 

The look the screamed he had simply given up. 

There was no hope in Lance's eyes

"Lance I'm begging you. Even... if she doesn't figure it all out. Even if you have to go through life forgetting that one person. Please go through with the surgery."

Lance sighed rocking back on his heels, "Keith I thought I explained it all."

"Yeah yeah about the not wanting to be an empty shell. I get that and I don't want that for you either just..."

Keith sighed looking at his feet. It was really pathetic. That he was trying to rein in his emotions like this. That he had to keep stopping to breathe so he would lose his cool.

“Lance I... we can’t lose you... we really really can’t. Not us not your family not... we just... we can’t Lance,” Keith whispered finally looking back up at Lance

Lance’s eyes seemed slightly wide at Keith words. The honesty and desperation that seemed to drip from the as he hardly whispered them into the evening air. 

“Keith.. it’s not that easy.”

“Look, I’m just saying if all you have to lose is the memory of that one person. That one idiot who apparently doesn’t love you enough is it really the end of the world Lance? You lose the memories of that one person. The love for that one person. That’s what is being offered right now. Mrs. Holt says she might be able to save the rest so it would just be that one person. Why can’t you just let them go?”

Keith felt his voice shake. Anger and despair taking over. Whoever Lance loved likely didn’t deserve his love anyway. 

As much as a pain in the ass Keith thought of him at first even he had realized what Lance could really be. 

He was incredibly bright. He was happy. He was caring and loving. He would go out of his way for anyone at the drop of a hat and expect nothing in return. He might joke about it and act all cool about things but he really was just soft and gentle. 

He deserved love. He deserved to be loved by someone who loves him back. He didn’t need to cling on to the idiot who didn’t love him. Obviously they were morons to begin with. 

“You act like it’s easy Keith. Like it’s easy to just say goodbye to all the memories and love you had for someone so damn special to you. Like you can toss it aside like it was nothing!”

“Because I’ve never had a love like that Lance! I’ve never deserved something like that! You... you have a chance here... to get rid of it and find someone who is worth your love Lance. The idiot doesn’t who you love probably doesn’t deserve it anyway!”

Lance went to respond but paused mouth wide open. He rocked back slightly looking up at Keith. 

“So your saying... whoever I love doesn’t deserve my love. You are also saying... you don’t deserve a love like that...” Lance let the words set in the air a moment 

“They don’t deserve your love because obviously they don’t know you well enough Lance,” Keith recovered realizing where Lance was going with it, “That’s on them. Romelle... Romelle told me it wasn’t some stranger. That you know who it is.”

Lance’s eyes widened and he took a few steps back

“Look I don’t know and it’s not my business... but Lance if it really is Allura just... take her in a date or something I don’t know. I don’t know how any of this stuff works ok. Just hang out with her or... Lance I don’t...” Keith rubbed his hands down his face

He sucked at this he did. He knew what he needed to say but getting the point across was painful. He didn’t understand half of what was going on 

“It’s not Allura,” Lance whispered 

Keith really just wanted to sit on the ground with his head in his hands but there wasn’t time for that. 

“Then who Lance? Who are letting slowly kill you? Are they even worth it?”

Lance’s face seemed to relax slightly under the odd questions. He stepped a bit closer to Keith letting a hand drop on his shoulder giving it a small squeeze. 

“They are definitely worth it.”

Keith huffed glaring slightly at Lance who simply giggled. How could he change the tone of this so quickly?

“What did Romelle say exactly?”

“Just that you actually knew who it was. That there was a chance you could get them to love you in return.”

Lance snorted and rolled his eyes, “I don’t know about that... they are kinda thick.”

“Lance this isn’t a joke,” Keith muttered

Lance gave a soft smile, “I know but joking helps.”

Lance released Keith’s shoulder looking over at him carefully. 

“This is really bugging you isn’t it?”

“Why the hell wouldn’t it Lance? I don’t understand why you are so casual about it all. Why everyone else seems ok with you doing this. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Is it because... you say you’ve never loved and don’t deserve it?”

Keith flinched looking away, “That’s different ok. Some people... they were born to be loved and love. I was never taught it nor did I ever figure it out... so love is something that escapes my understanding sometimes.”

“Do you ever wish you could feel it?” Lance asked head tilted toward the sky as the stars began to come out for them

Keith followed his gaze but not without taking Lance in. They had only been back on Earth a short while and Lance seemed to bloom here. It almost hurt. 

“I can feel it... it’s just...” Keith closed his eyes as his face was pointed toward the sky

How can he explain it... the feel of him trying to love.  

“You know how people say you take the plunge like you are diving into a cold pool?” Keith started

Lance nodded tilting his head slightly 

“For me I guess it’s more like being shoved off a cliff into the middle of the ocean. No land nearby.”

“So you drown?” Lance asked

“I get overwhelmed. I don’t handle it well. I suck at it. I don’t know what to do with it all it’s just... there.”

Keith shook his head focusing back on Lance, “But that’s not the worry right now. We are focused on saving you.”

Lance gave a loopy smile as he reached forward and looped an arm oddly over Keith’s shoulders. 

“Look I’ll work on maybe... trying to convince who I love to pull their head out of their ass so they can love me back. The dates and such you suggested.”

Keith frowned, “Your making fun of me aren’t you.”

“Yes,” Lance wagged his finger out in front of them, “But only if we get to work on you learning to accept love.”

“We are in the middle of a war Lance we don’t have time for all that,” Keith rolled his eyes

“Your the one trying to hook me up with whoever I love in the middle of a war.”

“Yeah to save your life idiot!”

Lance couldn’t help but giggle a bit at it. 

“Then consider it a dying wish?”

“Absolutely not,” Keith said escaping Lance’s arm

“Fine fine listen,” Lance spun facing Keith again, “I will work on sweet talking the idiot who is killing me. I’ll think about the surgery. Only if you try to relax a bit more. Alright?”

“That’s a stupid compromise,” Keith grumbled 

“Well?” Lance stuck out his hand

Keith sighed stretching his out and shaking Lance’s waiting hand. 

“Fine. But I don’t see how me ‘relaxing’ helps you.”

Lance still held on to Keith’s hand as he grinned. 

“Well... let’s call it a guess.”

Chapter Text

It was the calm before the storm. 

After the talk with Lance that night Keith went to be bed waving off Lance's offer to finish the movies with his family. He didn't want to interrupt them. 

They had one final briefing tomorrow before they were going to attempt to spy a bit more on the operates on Earth. Apparently Veronica was coming along and Lance already wasn't too maybe about it so Keith figured he would let them be for the evening and hopefully they would figure it out. 

Shiro and Hunk already getting ready for bed. Kosmo off doing who knows what. More than likely curled around one of Lance's cousins. The stupid thing hardly knew what other humans were and suddenly he found a ton of tiny ones... he was in heaven.

He shouldn’t have been surprised at this point because right before he drifted off to sleep there was the sound and feeling again of Kosmo teleporting into his top bunk. Keith didn’t even have to open his eyes to feel Lance with him. 

He simply scooted over opening an arm up for Lance to hide in. Honestly the more Keith thought about it he was glad he was such an early riser. It would be difficult to explain how Lance ended up in his bed every night. 

Sure when they were in the lions and they first found out about Lance and his curse of slow death they noticed Keith sleeping in Red not Black. The difference was then only Shiro really knew it was a nightly thing and he already had words about it. 

The others didn’t need to know. Honestly Keith was pretty sure if Hunk found out Lance slept with Keith every night he would complain that he didn’t receive the same love. Keith was sure it would end up as a giant sleepover and the thought annoyed him. 

Was it because he would have to sleep with a ton of other people? Maybe. Was it because he would lose one of the few times of the day he had Lance peacefully to himself? Absolutely not... at least yet...

As much as he didn’t like to admit it to himself he rather did enjoy this nightly thing. He and Lance curled into each other with Kosmo at their feet. Keith honestly was starting to worry if he would be able to sleep soundly once Lance managed to get the one killing him to love him in return. 

It was selfish... but he wouldn’t mind letting Lance sleep with however it was even if it left him alone again

“Night Keith,” Lance muttered

“Night,” Keith hardly managed back

Savoring the heat and contact that came from this part of the evening. Keith couldn’t help but think that this was what he had been missing for most his live. Things like this that he had seen and felt in the whale but could never put an official memory too. These were the moments. 

And it was promptly after about a full minute after that thought crawled across Keith sleep lagging brain did his eyes snap open

The hell kind of thoughts were that

He glanced down at Lance making sure he was still resting. He was sure he wasn’t fully asleep yet. 

Sure enough Lance’s eyes were closed. Mouth slightly open. Keith knew a small bit of drool would eventually trickle down during the night.

He couldn’t help but keep his gaze on Lance’s peaceful face. Something he’s been seeing a lot more of as of recent. 

But what the hell was all that?

He had a crush... at one point at least he knew that. Even then though he didn’t crave this. The cuddling and warmth and happiness that seemed to come with it. 

He had just thought Lance was attractive and wasn’t as shitty as he once thought. 

He knew the feelings were sneaking back up on him. He had felt them the whole time and Shiro had so kindly point it out to him. 

But why was this different... were the feelings technically... different?

It’s not love right?

People talk of love like it’s magical. Butterflies and the world stop spinning crap. The light of the world and only thing that matters. Like they would rather die than be without the person. 

This isn’t that. 

This is partnership. He likes Lance by his side. He doesn’t want to replace that. He looks forward to the stupid little things Lance adds to his day. The consistency, the warmth, the safety... but that’s not love... right?

Love was obsessing over smiles and touches. Love was obsessing over small moments and desires. 

Love was... not this...

Right....

Right?

Keith squeezed his eyes trying to think. He didn’t understand any of this. There wasn’t like a notebook he could look at. Sure he could ask Shiro but he’s sure he would be teased over it. 

Besides... if it was love Lance wouldn’t be suffering. 

He wouldn’t be dying if Keith was actually feeling love. 

It would be Keith’s fault if he was

Keith let out a slightly shaky breath feeling Lance shift closer to him. Lance curled into his chest with a sigh. It was weird that the boy was now shorter than him but it was nice for stuff like this. 

Keith let himself tighten his hold on Lance slightly feeling Lance melt even more into him. 

This was nice... too nice

But it didn’t matter... if this was love... if Keith was feeling love than Lance wouldn’t be suffering like this... which means Lance must love someone else

Someone that wasn’t Keith

So all this... didn’t matter anyway

Keith’s feelings didn’t matter right now. So he would push them down for the sake of things. He doesn’t understand love... but it must not be this

It wasn’t what Lance was feeling at least

Besides... love just seemed like a mess. A waste of time and emotion. Too much trouble to be worth. 

Keith sighed closing his eyes again letting his thoughts be buried under whatever he could blanket it with. 

Besides...

Who Needs Love Anyway

Chapter Text

Everything went to hell after that. 

The intel mission they went on had its own issues. Mostly clean but they had been definitely spotted a time or two. Nothing that hadn't been handled but the discovery of the canons was unsettling. 

Planet killing canons

Earth was on the clock now. They had to move. So they made their plan. To spread out and call for the lions to join them back on Earth take out the canons.

They had a plan. A half baked totally not ok plan but it was a freakin plan.

The battle was hell. There was no break it was just one issue after another. No one really had a chance to stop and recollect. They barely had time to check on each other. Too busy connecting with the lions or fighting whatever the hell was put in front of them. 

In the end of what seemed like a never ending battle Earth was finally safe. For the day at least there was still much more to do. 

Keith couldn't remember much other than they crash landed back on Earth. He slowly woke to see his mother staring at him. He could vaguely make out someone else behind her but his vision was too hazy. Keith stretched his fingers letting them wander slowly to not draw attention. Kosmo was on the floor and there was no Lance in the bed. Well for obvious reasons... but when was the last time he slept alone?

"What do you remember?" His mother asked gently leaning forward 

"How are the others? Shiro, Lance, Pidge-" his mother waved a hand cutting him off

"They are all fine. Shiro is giving a speech right now. Everyone else is healing in their rooms with family."

Keith tightened his grip on his bedsheets, "Can you... fill me in just in case."

So she did. Apparently after the battle helped finally arrived. Treaties were signed to help rebuild and protect Earth as they prepared to go back out to fight once again. The Paladins all took a big hit crashing back into Earth. All recovering soundly in their rooms with minor injuries much to the surprise of those who watched them. 

They were all expected to be released by morning. 

They likely would ship out as quick as they could. Could be a week could be a month. However long it took them to regroup. 

Eventually Keith found himself alone in his room. He was slightly grateful. Maybe it was because he grew up for so long being alone he honestly still felt a bit uncomfortable just... sitting with some people. Even his own mother and her new... boyfriend?

He couldn't pick what that was about and he wasn't about to ask

Keith let himself take a solid five minutes to actually relax. No Voltron. No war. No thoughts. Just finally being able to breathe. 

 If he didn't let it last ling there was more to do. 

Keith pulled out his phone to check if the others were awake. Sure enough a few had checked in in the new group chat that had made since arriving in Earth. The phones seemed to work quicker here but at the same time very temperamental. 

Space phones were weird

He reached out to double check that everyone was indeed alright. Scattered responses appeared all varying in a array of yes. Keith felt another sigh of relief exit him. 

Then he remembered 

Lance was with his family who didn’t know about the flowers. It had been long enough where he should have coughed up a few. He could hear him coughing up some during battle. So was he busted?

Keith pulled up Lance’s contact and hovered about the message pad. Should he press?

No 

Leave him be with his family. He probably was preening under all the attention and affection he was getting from them right now just like he deserved to. 

Keith sank back into his pillows feeling boredom creep up on him. Now what? He was supposed to heal and relax but in all honesty he wasn’t exactly the sure how to do that. 

After tossing and turning and flipping through broadcasts Keith finally just drifted to sleep just as Kosmo rejoined him and plopped besides him no longer leaving him alone. 

Keith wasn’t exactly sure what startled him awake a few hours later but Kosmo seemed undisturbed by it. The space wolf still sound asleep besides him. 

Keith swallowed and winced. His throat felt rough and tongue too heavy to function. But there was no water in the room. Guess it was finally time to make a mini escape. 

Keith let his feet hit the floor slightly disappointed his slippers he used from the lion not there. Instead he opted to pad along barefoot. Peeking out of his room to make sure the hall was empty. They were under orders to stay in bed but what they did know couldn’t hurt em. 

It seemed as if it was late enough in the evening. No one busied the hallway on his stealth mission to the kitchens. He only heard a few footsteps here and there often headed in the opposite direction. 

He was slightly surprised to arrive undetected. Maybe it was simply because everyone was still recovering from the battle. It hadn’t been easy in those fighting let alone those doing escape and protection. Not to mention it’s not like it was stress free for the regular citizens either. 

This war had been longer and traumatizing for anyone involved but they were finally a step closer to ending it. Defending Earth had been a huge step in that fight. 

Keith pulled several doors open in search of a cup. Occasionally tilting his head back to check the doorway. He had only seen his nurse once and he was sure if he was caught out of bed it would not end well for him. His nurse threatened that already. 

“What are you looking for?”

Keith jumped looking back at the door. No one was there. He spun around and looked around at the source of the voice. The tension in his shoulders dropped spotting Lance coming out of the supply closet inside the kitchen. 

“What are you doing here,” Keith hissed

Lance held up a bag of what looked to be fruit snacks. Why the hell did they have fruit snacks?

Keith shook his head and looked back at the door he had open, “Cups. Need water.”

Lance hummed moving to the cabinet to Keith’s left pulling out a glass and handing it to Keith. Keith gave a small snort and nodded in thanks moving to the sink to fill it with water. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?” Lance asked tossing the fruit snack that was apparently in the shape of a smile into his mouth

“Well yeah... but aren’t you supposed to be too?” Keith asked before finally bringing the cup to his lips easily drowning the cup in only a few chugs before moving to refill it

Lance shrugged moving to sit on the counter besides Keith, “Yeah well they didn’t feed me.”

Keith snorted slightly leaning on the counter besides Lance. 

“We kinda did it didn’t we,” Keith whispered

“Yeah. We are almost done,” Lance muttered before tossing another snack into his mouth

Keith swallowed hard staring down at his cup. He wanted to tell Lance that he had scared the shit out of him for not answering when they were first calling their lions. Even though he was in trouble and hurt slightly. He hadn’t reached out. He had waited till he was inside Red. Keith had felt that annoying twinge of fear that he had lost Lance when there was no answer. 

But what was the point of saying anything

“I got an update.”

Keith looked up at Lance who was busy rolling a gummy between his fingers. Keith didn’t say anything. He knew Lance would speak when ready but it didn’t stop him from starting to chew on the inside of his cheek. 

Lance sighed squeezing the gummy before popping it into his mouth and motioning for Keith’s cup. Keith handed it over and Lance only took a small sip but winced as he did. 

Keith wondered how much the flowers really bugged him. 

“They think they can do it. They think it’s closer to a 65% chance that it will work.”

“65% chance of...”

There were still a lot of variables here. What could be done what couldn’t be. If Lance would even do the damn surgery. 

“65% chance of me surviving. Which was more than Allura had given me. If I survive they said there is still a 50% chance I won’t remember anything about who I loved. That the feeling for them would definitely be done.”

Keith swallowed and nodded. He knew that was part of the problem. Part of the reason Lance was so hesitant. That and losing the others. 

“They think however they should be able to keep my ability to love others and remember them. So essentially I would just lose love for... that one person.”

Keith perked at this. This was huge. This was good. Lance would only lose one person. The one person who started this crap. The one person who probably didn’t deserve him anyway. 

“Lance. That’s good right? You can still love. You won’t lose any of us. Just... just the one who’s hurt you.”

“Yeah but the thing is... the one person is who it’s going to hurt the most to lose,” Lance muttered resting his head on the cabinet behind him

Keith chewed on his bottom lip. He was still struggling with it all. Maybe because he had been left behind so many times before he got use to just leaving someone who hurt him behind as well. 

Why couldn’t Lance do the same thing?

“How long are they giving you to decide?”

“I have till next week,” Lance popped in the final gummy before stealing Keith’s glass again for another drink

Keith refilled the glass taking his own sip

They both jumped as a head suddenly popped around the corner 

“Oh good it’s just you two!”

“Pidge keep it down,” Hunk hissed from behind her still looking down the hall

“Well join the party I guess,” Lance said raising Keith glass of water 

“I’m starving so I stole Hunk,” Pidge said moving forward to peek and Lance’s empty fruit snack packet with a frown noting it was empty 

“We aren’t supposed to be out of bed,” Hunk muttered but started digging around the kitchen himself

“Yeah well,” Keith muttered laying his upper body flat against the counter but keeping his feet in the floor

He felt a slight pat pat on his head figured it was Lance seeing he was the only one close enough. 

“Well I have access to real Earth ingredients. There isn’t much I can do here but what do you say we have some real Earth food for once?” Hunk said pulling out a giant bowl

A hushed round of yes went around the kitchen as Hunk gave out instructions. Everyone collecting what they were told as Hunk started cooking. 

Two hours later they were chased out of the kitchen and dragged back to their rooms... but the food was definitely worth it

Chapter Text

Launch day and potential surgery day were only a few days apart. 

Potential because... Lance still hadn't confirmed anything. He still hadn't said yes or no but they were prepping anyway. 

"This is the last day we can do it if you want to be healed enough before going back into space. I can give you till the day before," Mrs Holt had warned him

So he stared... and stared... and was half tempted to toss the stupid papers she had for him

He had listen to Keith and the others he really had. 

There was a good chance he would come out of the surgery fine. Still have the memories and feelings of those he loved. Well... minus Keith's. He wouldn't have that. 

Or it could all go to shit and he would be an emotionless robot

Or even just die

Pick the potential poison

The other factor was... if he went through with the surgery and just lost the feelings for Keith like they were hoping... what would be the reaction to that?

Would Keith feel guilty? Would he be pissed? Embarrassed? Angry? Would he even want to see Lance again after the war?

Too many potentials

He found it ironic when Keith pushed him to hang out with whoever he loved before the surgery as an attempt... like he hadn't been doing that already. 

At night he was often in Keith's bed being protected from the nightmares and guilt that often overtook him. Most mornings, trainings, and meetings he was there next to Keith. He would even drag Keith to some of his family things and the guy never protested. 

Then there was also the trainings. It was weird now being stared and constantly watched and judge for things they had been doing alone for so long. Wasn't like it was easy training with a lung full of flowers either. 

That was the other thing

It seemed to be getting worse

There were a lot of moments he carefully spent coughing up and pulling bloody red flowers out of throat. It wasn't just flowers anymore either. It was leaves and stems also covered in blood. 

It was more difficult to get away with hiding it too. He had passed it off to his family as a space cold. The other paladins now mimicked Keith in the moments he was caught up coughing they could rub his back and offer water. 

But he took Keith's suggestion even if he didn't realize he was suggesting it about himself

But he kept Keith by his side the majority of the day

Lance enjoyed being able to tease Keith through the day. Watching him tense and huff caving to mumbling under his breath before retaliating in some form. They spent several moments simply working side by side in silence like a well oiled machine. 

Then there were the fans. Which was... well let’s just say Lance never enjoyed watching Keith get so flustered and shoot down random girls who approached him. Though when the tides turned on Lance and girls cornered him he would only stare his heart was already taken. 

He didn’t miss the sour face Keith often made at the comment even if it wasn’t for the reason he would like. 

“We should do something fun tonight. It’s one of our last nights!” Lance said as the entered the dining hall

Other also filtering in. Some buried in their tablets. Others chatting with their friends or family. 

Life had been slowly getting back to normal. It was reassuring. 

“So much for taking my advice you idiot,” Keith sighed taking a tray 

Lance only rolled his eyes and waved at Hunk who pointed at the table. Lance gave a thumbs up as the food was piled on. 

“Keith... at this point-“

“Yeah yeah you think it doesn’t matter. Lance... have you... even decided?” Keith seemed to be avoiding Lance’s gaze

In truth he hadn’t but it felt worse to admit out loud. 

“I’m thinking about it,” Lance could only mutter earning a sigh from Keith

Frustrated 

They all were with him at this point. He couldn’t blame them per day either. He would be too if it was the other way around. 

“Are they really worth... all this?” Keith asked as they stepped toward the table where Hunk was

Keith didn’t miss Lance’s soft smile and look as he nodded, “Yeah they are.”

Keith could feel something shift slightly inside him in discomfort as they sat down. 

“Hey, they think they are going to be able to get one of the theaters up and running tonight! Wanna go? We haven’t done anything as a group in forever. Well... Pidge is technically grounded but I said we would sneak her out,” Hunk said as they joined him

“Why is she grounded?” Lance asked grabbing the sandwich he had been given 

“The whole leaving to space without permission thing her mom went on about,” Hunk said waving a hand around

Lance hummed nodding knowing very well he got a similar speech from his own mother, “Yeah I’m down,” and Lance tried really hard to glance over to see Keith’s reaction 

“I doubt I have anything better to do,” Keith muttered 

“You sound so thrilled,” Lance teased poking Keith’s cheek earning an annoyed look

“I hate you.”

“I’m so glad.”

“You two are exhausting,” Pidge said dropping her tray besides Lance looking pointedly at Hunk, “You are springing me right?”

Hunk nodded as he sipped his drink looking at Keith and Lance continue to bicker on the other side. Pidge made another face as turned to the idiots besides her.

“Seriously you two sound like an old married couple.”

Keith almost didn’t have a chance to process what she said when a screech for ‘uncle Lance’ came from across the room. There who two squirming children suddenly moving past him to climb onto Lance. 

“Are you going to the movies tonight!” The older nephew asked almost pushing Keith out of his seat

“That’s the plan. I think we are all going,” Lance said as the youngest girl crawled her way into his lap

The nephew looked over at Hunk, Keith, and Pidge before leaning forward and whispering a bit too loudly in Lance’s ear, “Does that mean we get to sit with you and the other Paladins?”

Keith smirked slightly. It wasn’t like the other Paladins hadn’t been swarmed by the younger McClains. In fact Keith was still struggling with their names because he swears every time he thinks he has it another one appears. 

But the Paladins were becoming common faces at the McClain residence now that it was semi functional 

Lance leaned forward whispering just as loud as his nephew had, “I’m sure if you ask nicely they will say yes.”

“Even the Princess?” The girl asked tugging Lance’s collar slightly

“We can ask,” Lance poked her slightly and she giggled and hid her face in his chest

Keith had to refocus on his food. His stomach and chest were doing stupid things. Maybe he should sleep early in case he was catching a cold. 

He felt a slight poke on his thigh and he looked down. Lance’s nephew looking up at him with the same blue eyes he was use to. 

“You will come too right?”

Keith glanced up and Lance who was busy talking to Hunk. One hand on his food the other stroking his niece’s hair. He looked back down at the kid with the question. Man he really needed to make them name tags or something. 

“Sure. It shouldn’t be too bad right?”

Keith was going to regret his decision later

Chapter Text

Keith never really had a ton of options when he was younger to go to the movies. Movie night was typically held in the orphanage on rare nights and it was always a battle. No one could agree on a movie. Snacks never lasted. People wouldn't shut up. 

So Keith spent most movie nights alone and avoiding the chaos. 

Even when he finally had a bit of luxury and was able to go to the movie theaters there was no point. Nothing really seemed interesting. He also thought the idea of going alone was a bit weird. So he never went. 

So he wasn't really sure what to expect. All he knew from a very excited Hunk was it was some movie that was supposed to be released right before the Galra took over so no one got to see it. Apparently it ironically was about some space battle movie or something. There was a whole series and such. 

Keith didn't know he had never seen any of it. 

He found himself sandwiched between Hunk and Lance. Lance somehow became a seat himself for his nieces and nephews. Minus one who was carefully braiding Allura's hair though Keith was pretty sure the Princess had zero clue her hair was becoming a tangled mess of tiny braids with her hair behind the chair. 

The guy behind Keith kept kicking his seat. Hunk jumped anytime the music changed or something semi scary popped up. Popcorn was spilled on him more than once thanks to the clambering children Lance was constantly hushing to keep them focused. 

Yeah Keith was regretting coming. He wasn't sure what the excitement and joy of the movie theater was if dealing with a crowded theater was part of the experience.

Well... there was one slight benefit... for Lance anyway

Lance often found himself slightly pressed against Keith as the kids switched around in his lap. Keith never moving away. Keith also somehow became holder of the popcorn which meant several times they brushed and bumped. 

While Keith was regretting all humans in the theater Lance was heavily savoring having a really stupid excuse to steal touches. 

He had been feeling it all day. The pain heavy in his chest but always lightened enough to breathe properly even if his touch just ghosted Keith. Like the thorns and flowers loosened their hold on him just in case. 

He had seen the newest scans this morning. Nasty. Almost all his lungs incased and his heart hidden. It made sense with how much pain he felt. Almost like he was always being stabbed for breathing. 

And sure he knew Keith seemed alright with him stealing all the touches while they slept in the same bed

But he still pulled away in public

And it always seem to stab deeper when he did

But under the cover of the dark theater and with squirming children as an excuse Keith hadn't pulled away all night 

His lungs appreciated it greatly 

Though Lance could also tell Keith was annoyed as could be... or maybe confused? He couldn't really tell. 

Lance leaned over slightly so his mouth wasn't far from Keith's ear, "You have zero clue what's going on do you."

"None of this makes sense. What war and who are they all talking about?" Keith whispered back

"You've never seen Star Wars?" Lance tilted his head slightly to see his reaction

Keith slowly shook his head, "No why is it popular?"

Lance groaned lightly letting his head hit the back of the seat. His nephew squirmed over slightly diving a slightly sticky hand into the popcorn bag. Stuffing pieces in his face as a few bounced off Lance's knee. 

He was going to be disgusting after this

"I can give you a run down after the movie. I'll have to show the rest sometime. You will love them!" Lance finally responded noting Keith's now obviously confused face

"There are more?"

"There is a whole series. You really never heard of it? It's like super popular. Darth Vader ringing a bell?" Lance leaning closer so not to be hushed by those around them

Keith shook his head slightly his hair brushing against Lance's cheek slightly as he did, "I never had time for movies and such," he whispered 

"Well now I gotta show you the rest or at least tell you about them," Lance's cheek dangerously close to leaning on Keith's shoulder

"Is there a lot?" Keith seemed to adjust himself in his seat to lean a bit closer to Lance

"Well yeah. Probably will take a few days. Be good to watch on our trip back to space."

There was a slight thrill that ran through Keith. Was Lance confirming he was going to do the surgery? Lance seemed to note what he said and pulled back slightly with a frown. Keith felt his heart sink again and turned back to the screen. 

Keith really didn't pay much attention to the movie after that. He didn't really understand any of what was going on anyway. Too many characters popping up that people were getting excited about and he had no clue what their names even were. 

He was glad when the lights finally lifted. He understood why they did it. To bring a sense of normalcy back into everyone's lives after everything they just went through but all Keith could think was of the decision Lance still had yet to make as well as the final battle waiting for them above. 

Keith shuffled awkwardly out of the seat rows following Lance. Allura seemed to finally noticed the mess of braids that had appeared in her hair during the movie. Muttering something about how her and the mice had work to do. Before they all could wander and split off much in the lobby Keith felt a tug on his wrist. 

Lance's fingers loosely wrapped around Keith's wrist as he quickly talked to his family. Keith blinked and looked around seeing if anyone else was seeing this. Hunk however was more focused on sneaking Pidge back to her room where she was supposed to be. Allura and Coran were busy asking Shiro a bunch of questions on the inaccuracy of the movie they just watched. 

So Keith simply stayed and waited as Lance said goodbye to his family. Keith gave a small wave with his free arm as they departed. Lance waited till they were out of view before gently tugging Keith away from the city and the Garrison. 

“What are we doing?” Keith asked letting himself be dragged along

“I’ve got something to show you is all,” Lance turned giving Keith a small smile and took him right towards the old park just outside of the city

Chapter Text

The park was... well it was dead to be honest

Keith was sure if I'm he used his imagination he could probably see where the fountain at one point was sparkling and the trees were probably well cared for with tiny lights. Maybe the flowers were the special kinda that the scent alone would trick you into falling in love with the person walking by. 

Keith was sure if he bothered dreaming about it he could probably imagine it

But the destruction around them was to evident 

Lance lead them nonetheless toward the largest tree in the park. Carefully placing a hand against the bark giving it a small pat. 

"I'm going to have the surgery."

Keith looked up shock clear across his face. After all the time they spent trying to convince Lance to save himself and all the time Lance spent saying no Keith was honestly starting to think Lance's days were numbered. 

"Have you told anyone else yet?"

Lance shook his head letting his heels drop off the side of the tiny wall around the tree trunk. Balancing on the balls of his feet to keep himself standing.

"I'm telling Mrs. Holt in the morning. I'm sure she will need a day or two to officially get everything set but I'm sure she will have me under the knife as soon as she can."

"What's with the sudden change of heart?" Keith asked sitting on the wall near Lance letting his gaze fixate on Lance's face

Lance looked up toward the sky. Stars seemed a bit more brilliantly hung across the galaxy than normal. 

"We still have a job to do and I guess... it would be more of a hassle trying to replace me especially with you all refuse to switch lions or if the lions rejected the switch up. Earth still isn't out of the woods. The universe still isn't out of the woods. I guess it's kind of selfish of me going off to die just because someone I love doesn't love me back. Especially when so many lives are at stake. I can always figure it out after we win."

Keith felt his mouth move slightly but words didn't form. He didn't know where to start. It didn't seem right. 

Because Lance just gave the stupidest reason 

"So yeah. Guess I'll have the surgery in about two days I guess. We can move on to save the universe and it will be alright."

Lance sounded... 

Fuck Keith didn't even know

"Lance... what about after."

Lance looked down and shrugged, "I'll figure it out later I guess right. See how much of my memory and emotions are still intact."

This is....

No

Keith felt like something was poking at his heart. Like he was missing something. Like something wasn't right. 

"Are you going to tell your family?"

Lance shoved his hands into his pockets bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet. Heels dipping dangerously every time he did. 

Keith couldn’t really get a read in his face. On the emotions and thoughts tumbling around inside Lance. It was frustrating. How long had he been thinking about this? About this course of action. Why did it feel so sudden?

“That’s... part of what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Keith felt as if ice flashes through his veins. A new sense of fear and panic rising through him. 

“I... I have my book right? The one I kept writing in through space. I have letters too. From when I first found out I was sick all the way till now. I have some for everyone. Some for me in case my memory goes to shit. I’m planning on giving the letters just in case. The book too. I think my family will enjoy it either way... but if things go south...” 

Lance tailed off his gaze back up at the stars. Avoiding Keith’s gaze. Lance honestly felt sick asking it. Asking Keith to be the one to explain to his family what was wrong. Especially because even if Keith didn’t realize it he was the one causing all this. 

The way the flowers and thorns tug and ripped against his lungs and heart. The reason each breath hurt to the point of tears. The reason he was bleeding, coughing, suffocating, suffering... dying... was all because he loved Keith. 

And Keith would never return that love

Lance really had hope for a bit that maybe... just maybe he would. All that time traveling to Earth after Keith got back from the Blade. All this time on Earth together. Keith constantly by his side. 

Sure maybe Keith really did trust him and have faith in him as a friend. Maybe even best friend at this point. Maybe Keith really did feel guilty and sorrow for Lance’s unrequited love. 

But maybe it was also just all out of pity 

That had been a thought keep Lance up at night way too much recently. It made sense though. Keith would never let anyone crawl in bed besides him unless he really felt bad about what was happening... right?

The pain of it all dancing in front of him was too much. Knowing he was suffering just because Keith didn’t love him. All because Lance couldn’t keep his damn feelings in check for once in his life. All because Lance just had to fall in love with someone who couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with him at a point. Let alone remember his damn name. 

It was hurting him more now thinking back on it all. Lance honestly confused why he let himself fall in love. Let himself suffer even more than normal. Why couldn’t it have been Allura or some stupid stranger he met along the way. 

Why did it have to be Keith?

“You want me to explain everything to them,” Keith finally finished 

“No,” Lance’s flat response brought more confusion to Keith, “Just... just tell them I was sick and didn’t want them to worry. That I tried... but obviously I failed. They don’t need to know it was because of love.”

Lance chuckled slightly feeling how much richer his throat felt. Tears tapping at the edge of his eyes in taunt. 

“My mom always said I loved a bit too much. I guess she was right. I just don’t think we ever expect it to be the thing that killed me though.”

“You are not going to die Lance,” Keith stood grabbing Lance’s elbow with a tight squeeze finally drawing Lance’s gaze, “The surgery will work and it will be ok. You will have your memory intact. You will still know love. Even if it’s just that one damn idiot you have to forget. They didn’t deserve you anyway it seems.”

Lance gave a choked laugh

If only you knew you idiot

“Well... I guess we find out soon don’t we,” Lance whispered hoping off the wall giving a final glance at the tree standing alone amongst the destruction 

Lance tried to ignore Keith’s slightly tightened grip on his arm. As if Keith was expecting one more stupid thing. Maybe he was. It was Lance after all. Lance could only shake his head. 

“Come on. Let’s go home.”

Chapter Text

Neither really slept that night. 

They crawled into separate beds as stupid as it was knowing Kosmo would zap someone over once Lance developed his nightly nightmares. 

Only he didn't because Lance never slept. 

Both laying awake as the others around them slept peacefully unaware of what tomorrow was bringing. Of the choice that had been made. 

Lance must have drifted into a sort of ok sleep because he at one point did jerk awake as Hunk groaned rolling of of his own bed popping his back slightly as he did. Lance rubbed a hand over his face feeling the stiff marks from the tear tracks over the night. 

Today was going to suck

Lance slipped to the bathroom fairly unnoticed. He was able to clear his face before anyone could question it. Though he found himself hovering over the toilets not long after with flowers and blood coating the inside of the bowl. No one was there to question it and he was grateful for it. 

It was almost done though. He wouldn't have to worry about it much longer. 

Lance ate with the rest. Chatting and joking happily like nothing had happened less than an hour prior. Talk of the movie last night was high. Pidge got busted sneaking in apparently so that was a fun story he got to listen to. 

After breakfast he found himself hovering over the toilet again. It must be the nerves upsetting his lungs so much. The flowers out in full force. 

So beautiful coated in blood

It was a shame really

A sadistic thought

The feeling never went away now. Maybe because the decision had been made but even staying besides Keith wasn't easing his pain as it normally did.

It made it easier really to say everything 

“I’ll have the surgery.”

Mrs. Holt nodded tapping on her screen looking at the newest scans. Slightly chewing her bottom lip then tapping her nose slightly like it would help her think or something. 

“I’m glad you are trying Lance. I really am. I’m really confident we can do this with minimal damage. From all the collection of data and info from Allura and Coran I’m sure my team can make this work.”

“How bad do I need to prepare for,” Lance asked leaning against the wall staring at the view across from him 

It was weird how the deep white outline of the flowers could be seen in such detail on the scans. Hardly any clear space now for him to actually breathe.

And he could definitely tell with each breath he took

Mrs. Holt paused and looked up at Lance. A different look on her face compared to what she had been giving him. It was the first time he spotted the soft mother look on her face aside from when she looked at Pidge. 

“We will do our best Lance. We promise. You will survive. I have no doubt. You are strong and brave. You still have a lot of love to give and I’m hoping to give you that opportunity.”

Lance’s throat already felt tight enough as it was. He didn’t need her words too. 

“I’m still going to lose my feelings though aren’t I?”

“I’m going to do my best to salvage what I can. I really think there will be a way to separate the feelings you have for the one causing this pain compared to the others. I really won’t know till I get in there but I promise I really will do my best. We all want you to remember everyone Lance. We want you to love again and we will do our best to make it happen.”

He just won’t be able to love Keith

Lance nodded pushing himself off the wall slightly. Of course she wouldn’t give a straight answer. It almost made it worse. The uncertainty. The risk. The maybe. 

If she was going to follow up with anything he didn’t give her the chance. He knew what he need to. Don’t eat for the rest of the day and be there by 9am tomorrow. It was already discussed. 

He was sure the others were training which gave him time. 

He wandered back to their room. He dug for that notebook where he stuffed the old notes in. A note for everyone on his team. A reminder that he was sorry in case he failed. A reminder that he really did care for them. That he would miss them. 

That he hopes if it goes south they will move on. 

Everyone got one and he would leave the notebook with his mom and dad. The notebook that was completely tattered. Covered in questionable smudges and areas where the ink bled together. There wasn’t a single page left to mark up. 

But he still needed to write one more

Lance began to poke around the Garrison on the hunt for envelopes and one final sheet of paper to write on. Occasionally bumping into a few curious people who directed him to where they could however most of the facility seemed to have switched to electronic uses which Lance couldn’t help but feel was incredibly stupid. 

After finally completing his mission he could only return  to the quiet of the room they had been staying in. 

It felt weird. These small steps done in quiet with no one around. It probably was stupid. Dramatic. Honestly Lance felt like the whole experience was out of body. Like it wasn’t him doing it. More just watching himself do something he couldn’t quite control. 

He carefully placed each letter into an envelope carefully scripting the names to who they belonged to on the front and sealing them tight. He hoped no one shared their letter. It was for them and them alone. 

He stared at the final blank paper and envelope. This one was for him. In case he woke up. In case there is no feelings. In case there is no memory. 

Just in case

He hated doing it. Putting all the pressure on Keith to give the notebook and the final letter to who they belonged to. He hated it but he knew Keith wouldn’t look inside. 

He wouldn’t look inside

... he better not look inside

Lance carefully wrote out the words he needed to say before folding it in the envelope with his own name and sealing it away. 

He stared at everything in front of him. All he could say in tiny letters and a tattered notebook. He just hoped they could feel it. The love he had that may not return. He just hoped they could understand. 

He would drop them off in the morning before the surgery. He hoped he could avoid delivering them by hand. Hopefully just drop them on the pillows of who they belonged too. 

Well... expect Keith

Keith he would have to instruct to give the notebook to his family. Which he sort of already did but he would also have to give him the note that had his own name on it and pray Keith would respect him enough not to open it. 

Hopefully when Lance woke up Keith would hand him that letter just so he can remember. He hoped this few words would spur something. Keep him from drowning in the unknown. 

Five little words curled safely inside that envelope for only Lance’s eyes to see

He’s the one you loved

He just hoped he wouldn’t need the reminder

Chapter Text

Keith wasn't at dinner. Which was weird because he was always at dinner. Sitting right besides Lance listen to the day like he hadn't been there too. Occasionally being bumped around by one of the kids. 

But he wasn't there

Lance opted to ignore it. The more he let it bug him the more his lungs would protest. So he dug into his dinner and focused on Hunk who also seemed to ignore missing Keith. 

The problem was Lance needed to talk to Keith in private before bed. That's the reason he had convinced himself he needed to search for him after dinner. 

Carefully guarding his notebook and letter he went on the hunt. It was actually Red who suddenly lightly purred at him. Telling him to look for Black. 

It actually made him pause slightly in his search. The urge to suddenly go hide in Red high. Since the whole incident on Earth training in the lions had been kept to a minimum. They were more focused on building the rest of Earth up and coming up with a plan. Sure they still took them out from time to time but they had faced heavy damage and exhausted their energy. They needed rest like anyone.

The sun was almost set by the time lance finally stumbled across Keith sitting on Black's nose over the edge of a drop looking out over the desert. It wasn't too far from the edge of the original safe zone of the Garrison. Lance realized with a slight pang he was looking off toward the place he use to live. The worn little shack thing that they all had first gathered in after Shiro's rescue. Apparently Keith had ventured out there not long after it was safe to and reported it had been flattened tot he ground. 

Lance had quietly squeezed Keith's knee when he admitted it that night at dinner. Lance knew it had at one point belonged to his dad. Before his dad died and Keith was living at the Garrison. Then part of it was destroyed and Keith lived in what was left once he ran off from the Garrison. Now the whole thing was gone. 

Keith had said it was fine but Lance couldn't help but wonder if he really was. It was sort of the last thing he had of his dad after all. 

Lance carefully placed a hand on Black before climbing. Black had never given him an answer in anything. Often pretend he wasn't there half the time honestly. Lance was surprised Black even let him be Keith's right hand... for the short time it seemed it was going to be. 

"You know you can be a really hard guy to find when you want to be," Lance huffed when he finally reached the top

Keith didn't jump as he greeted him so he must have heard or seen him coming at one point. 

Lance really hated to bug him though. Obviously Keith had gone out of his way for alone time and here he was invading it. 

"I'll be quick I just needed to ask something and then I'll leave you to your sunset," Lance said sitting besides Keith

Kosmo's tail thumped lightly against Black as he raised his head to kick Lance's hand. 

"No need to rush I was just sitting out here enjoying it. We won't get many of these in space you know," Keith let his voice drift as he looked back out to the setting sun

Lance hummed sharing the view for a moment knowing he was about to bring down the mood. He could feel it in the tips of his fingers as the thought of being rude crawled under his skin. 

He hated this. 

Being inconvenient. 

Lance carefully pulled out his notebook and note and let it sit between him and Keith. Keith waited till the sun was almost completely hidden before turning to look at what Lance sat between them. The slight chill in the air growing now that the heat of the sun was leaving. 

"Your notebook?"

"Surgery is tomorrow morning," Lance said not letting his gaze leave the horizon 

"You don't want to give this to them yourself?" Keith carefully picked it up testing the weight

Lance shook his head, "Give it to them when I'm in surgery preferably. I haven't told them but I did right it in there."

Keith hummed picking up the envelope with Lance's name on it and gently held it between the two. 

"And that one give it to me if I wake up. Just in case."

"When you wake up," Keith pushed slightly pulling the envelope toward him

"Just in case Keith," Lance shrugged with a sigh, "In case I wake up. In case I have no memory or half a memory. Just in case."

"What does it hold your deepest darkest secrets?" Keith asked turning the envelope slightly

"Eh something like that," Lance smirked before turning serious, "Don't open it."

Keith held his hands up slightly tucking the envelope farther away. Keith moved his gaze back to where the sun had fully disappeared. Guess there was no more point of holding it off. 

“Scared?”

That was a stupid question. 

“Maybe... I had accepted so long ago that I was going to die anyway. I think honestly most of me is still expecting it. I just... If it works. If it goes ok... I just still want to be... me and there is a very good chance I won’t be.”

Keith hummed squeezing Lance’s knee slightly before letting his hand settle in Kosmo’s fur again. 

“You know we would set you back on track.”

Lance didn’t respond. Keith couldn’t help but wonder how much more Lance was hiding. How badly he was really freaking out. He was always the one to make jokes to hide how he felt but even now Lance seemed empty of them. 

It hurt

“Lance,” Keith started again glancing out of the corner of his eye to the boy besides him before moving his eyes back toward the darkening sky, “We love you ok. Don’t forget that.”

Lance thought his blinking was a bit too loud. From the corner of his eye he could see Keith still locked on to the nothingness in front of them. Hair slightly tangled from the breeze. A bit of sunburn highlighting his nose from the days work. That new scar finally healing pink. 

Keith just said that he loved him

But nothing changed

There was still a tightness in his chest. It was still hard to breath. Nothing was magically better or fixed. 

Because the words lacked the proper meaning

Keith may love him like the others. As a friend. Teammate. Human. 

But not the same way Lance loved him

It was too late

There was nothing he could do to change that

“Love you guys too.”

Chapter Text

Keith slept with Lance that night. He didn’t give him much choice on that matter and Lance wasn’t going to complain. 

The moment both Hunk and Shiro’s snores began to rumble through the room Keith snuck over to Lance’s bunk. Lance simply grunted as Keith kicked him and Kosmo over slightly to make room. Keith pulling the blankets over himself and dropping an arm over Lance’s waist. As always through they shifted into a tangled mess. 

By the time Lance woke, a bit earlier than normal, Lance found his breath scattering itself across Keith’s collarbone as Keith’s head rested against his own. Arms and legs tangled enough that it took several slow movements to peel himself away. 

He was grateful for it. One final night even if it left his chest heavy and raw. 

Lance looked down at Keith gently moving his bangs from his eyes. Watching as Keith’s nose scrunched slightly at the movement. 

Lance would never regret loving Keith. 

Lance left the room before anyone else rose. He had a few more things left to do and he couldn’t do them if being followed. 

Keith woke later than normal and felt a sharp panic enter his system realizing Lance was already gone. He quickly sat up and looked for the others. Both already left as well. 

Keith checked the clock. An hour till Lance had to meet Mrs. Holt for surgery. He quickly jumped from the bed and began to strip only pausing as his shirt was halfway off. 

There were envelopes on the beds just like the one Lance gave Keith to keep. Lance wrote to everyone. 

Keith then realized he may not have even told the others what he was doing today. In an effort to keep himself distant. It hurt. It was stupid. 

Keith felt a fury rise through him as he grabbed his own envelope that Lance left atop his pillow , stuffing it in his jacket pocket, and quickly heading toward the breakfast hall. 

Hunk and Pidge were still there but almost finished. 

“Have you all seen Lance?”

“He had a scan thing with my mom,” Pidge said tossing a napkin on her plate

“Did he tell you he’s going through with the surgery?” Keith still not sitting down but rocking on his heels instead 

“Wait when?” Hunk asked looking away from his spoon

“This morning.”

The pair froze glancing at each other then shooting you out of their seats. 

“Why the hell did no one say anything!” Pidge hissed grabbing her plate quickly shoving it into the dirty dish station

“I had a feeling he didn’t but I wasn’t sure,” Keith raised his hand to halt them, “Just... don’t be dicks about it.”

“The hell why would we. Sure we understand you given you two didn’t always use to be joined at the hip but us?” Hunk seemed genuinely shocked at Keith’s words

“He’s scared,” Keith cut in, “I’m assuming that’s why he never said anything. So I just... let him be scared but don’t be angry because he didn’t say anything.”

Keith wasn’t sure if the words he used were right but they were true. 

Pidge pushed her glasses back up in her face giving Keith a look. He felt like she was about to smack him but instead pulled her phone out instead, “Do the others know?”

“I doubt it. He doesn’t want to tell his family though,” Keith sighed sharing a look with Hunk who nodded 

“I can see why. His mom always said he loved too much. Not sure how she would react about him going into a risky surgery where he’s going to lose the ability to love. It’s kind of what makes Lance Lance you know.”

Keith felt a hot ball twist in his gut as he nodded in agreement. Pidge shoved her phone back in her pocket and grabbed both boys by their sleeves. 

“They will meet us there. Come on. We have to be supportive.”

Another hot ball grew in Keith’s throat as they drew closer to the medical ward. 

This was really happening. 

They could hear a rush of footsteps down one of the hallways. Keith felt himself tense out of habit. Ready to fight if needed. It was only the Alteans. 

“So he’s doing it?” Romelle panted grabbing at Keith’s sleeve with a desperate look, “He’s doing this now? He never confessed to anyone?”

She stumbled over the word anyone

“He told me he was having it this morning,” Keith carefully pried her hand off his sleeve

Romelle let out a string of curses darting in ahead. She leaned over the desk asking for Lance and shit off before the others could even follow. 

“She’s been worried. We all have,” Allura noted watching Romelle take off so quickly

“Yes well she was confident he would confess before hand. I’m pretty sure she threatened him at a point,” Coran tugged at the edge of his mustache 

Why was she so sure?

“Lance McClain please,” Hunk asked politely, “Sorry for the trouble we will make it quick.”

The receptionist gave them a hot look before dropping the room number 12 and pointed in the direction Romelle had already sprinted off too. 

They thanked her and headed towards the hall. Keith could feel his heart beat heavy with each step and it seemed to twist in protest with the door knob as Hunk twisted it. 

Lance was cross legged in the bed. His eyes towards the door as Hunk knocked and eased open the door. It wasn’t hard to spot who all was there. Keith head dipped behind everyone. Suddenly Shiro popped up right behind Keith as well. Slightly out of breath dropping an hand on Keith’s shoulder. 

He must have just seen the message. 

“You told them.”

Lance tone slightly bitter and accusing. There was a slight softness under it though and when Keith met his gaze he could see the slight thankfulness hidden in his eyes. 

So Keith just nodded

“You really weren’t going to tell us?” Hunk asked fully stepping in and dropping a heavy hand on Lance’s shoulder

Lance twisted his hands slightly and Romelle reached out to still them. Everyone else entered taking spots on the bed or nearby. 

“It wasn’t that,” Lance started only to be interrupted by Shiro

“You just didn’t want us to worry did you?”

Lance nodded earning a few sighs around the room. Pidge who was at the foot of his bed reached forward and smacked his knee. 

“You idiot. When are you going to realize we are here for you. You need to stop hiding from us. We love you you idiot.”

“You going to keep calling me an idiot?” Lance asked but he had a soft smile on his face, “Well I messed up anyway. I was supposed to fast for 24 hours and I accidentally ate dinner last night. So we pushed it back a bit longer but they are making me stay here this time since I couldn’t listen the first time,” Lance chuckled only to cough up a single red flower

He scowled tossing it to the bin where a few others had rested. Keith felt something twist in him again. Despite the severity he hadn’t seen the flowers in a bit. Sure every once in awhile Lance could cough and maybe a petal or blood but Keith hadn’t seen him do a whole flower since the first appointment. Was he hiding it from them while he made his choice?

“So this evening?” Shiro said from his spot standing at the foot of the bed

Lance nodded, “Yeah. I get to hide out in here till then.”

Romelle was already sitting on the bed but now she actually nudge Lance over a bit and she fully joined him. Leaning back slightly in the pillows ignoring the look Lance was giving her. 

“Cool guess I get to keep you in line till then,” she said straightening her dress

“Wait no-“

“We all have stuff to do because obviously space battle,” Pidge pointed up to the sky as if to make sure Lance knew were space was, “But we are all going to come bug you through the day don’t worry.”

“Bug or keep company?” Lance asked raising an eyebrow 

“I think with this group it’s basically the same thing,” Keith finally chipped in

Keith could feel Lance’s eyes lock on to him. Forcing him to look up and giving a small smile. There was pain in Lance’s eyes and he was still trying to hide it with that stupid smile. 

For some reason the envelopes Lance wrote addressed to himself and Keith felt like they turned to lead in Keith’s pocket. 

Chapter Text

Mrs. Holt was the one who came in and sent everyone away. Demanding Lance relax and the others get to work. There was still a lot of prep work to be done before going back to space.

Keith couldn't help the feeling of guilt as he had to turn away from Lance. He would be back later. For now Lance was at the mercy of Romelle. 

"So," she started after the room had been cleared giving him a look

He simply shook his head and looked away. He really didn't want to talk about it. 

"Lance... you really aren't going to tell him?"

"What's there to tell? Just going to leave him feeling guilty."

It was true. The more and more he thought about. If he were to admit to Keith it was him and the surgery went bad... well he didn't want Keith to live with it on his mind. Keith would. He would never forgive himself even if it wasn't something he could control. 

No one can truly control where they want their heart to go. 

He didn't want Keith to live with that in his heart. He wanted Keith to enjoy his life. Even if many years later he went on to love someone else or even chose never to love anyone. 

He didn't want to be Keith's burden and guilty. 

Romelle frowned dropping her head on Lance's shoulder, "I get it... I think. I just could have sworn he liked you back. Like properly human love. The way it works it doesn't matter if they ever speak the words I love you. It just that they realize they love the other. Technically no confessions need to be done. Just the realization."

"Keith never really had many friends growing up. I promise it's probably just that," Lance said patting Romelle's hair

He was interrupted with a heavy cough. A few petals streamed out as well. He was so sick of this. 

Romelle picked them up and tossed them gently into the bin. Letting the drift down by themselves. 

"Maybe it is just friendship. What would I know about the way humans interact. You are all confusing anyway. The only thing I could think of is that if he does love you he just honestly hasn't realized it but if you are so sure it's just friendship for him..."Romelle glanced over at Lance

"I think so... I might be lucky and be his best friend and I really appreciate the time I've been granted with him. I'm thankful I got to see my family again and that Earth is sorta alright. Hopefully I can help enough for the final battle is all I ask. Can't leave you guys hanging can I?" Lance teased

Romelle gently elbowed his side, "yeah we gotta have our favorite paladin around. We wouldn't survive without you."

Lance only snorted letting himself leaning against the pillows. Romelle poked him and gave him a look before dropping into a rant about how she was still confused on certain Earth customs leaving Lance attempting to explain them. 

He appreciated the distraction. It was nice to ramble and argue playfully without letting the worry consume him. Around lunch though Romelle left and was quickly replaced by Hunk and Pidge. 

Romelle wandered the halls peeking around corners finally cornering the group she was looking for. 

“What are we working on now?”

Heads tilted to her direction before focusing back on the screen. 

“We are trying to figure out the latest data. Some of the Blade members are rising from the ashes you could say. They are giving us some information on where we need to start,” Keith said knocking Coran’s hand out of the way to adjust something on screen

Keith refocused before looking up at Romelle, “Hunk and Pidge?”

She nodded stretching and dropping her chin on Allura’s shoulder earning a frazzled look, “With him now. Shiro said he was going in after them right?”

Shiro nodded, “And I think we will be joining as well,” Allura added nodding to Coran

Romelle turned to Keith, “So I guess that leaves you toward the end of the day right?”

“Yeah then hopefully everyone will be there at the very end before the kick us out for the surgery,” Keith said brightening sections on the screen, “What about here?”

“Air would crush our lungs even with the suits so no,” Coran said pointing to a different spot, “That place isn’t far and is a moon of it. Should be fine. The air there is tamer.”

“Will it really be alright traveling so soon after Lance has surgery?” Shiro asked staring at the numbers

“Well it’s not an easy surgery even for us who are technically well more advanced medically. Unfortunately we don’t have much of a choice. If Mrs. Holt clears him then we will likely have to watch him and pray the battle isn’t too severe,” Allura sighed pointing at another moon but earning a head shake from Coran

“I just wish he didn’t even have to have the surgery,” Romelle mumbled leaving the group suddenly quiet

No one looked at her as she said it but she could feel the slight tension raise between a few. Shiro and Keith sharing a glance as well as Coran and Allura. 

“Am I missing something?”

Allura shook her head and sighed again. Honestly to the point Romelle wondered if she even realized she was sighing so much. Must be the stress. 

“We’ve just ran every possible idea. We’ve consider ever person we know. Even if Lance’s love is amongst us  at this point it would be too close a call to hope they loved him back.”

“All they have to do is realize they love him though right? At least that is what I was always taught,” Romelle added

“Yes but even at this stage the flowers and everything have wrapped itself so tightly even if his love suddenly reciprocated his feelings the realization may kill him anyway. The flowers and vines don’t fully disappear they still must come out. They would expel themselves through his throat and with it being so late in his progress that may kill him alone,” Coran said tugging the tip of his mustache 

“So... he’s screwed anyway?” She said glancing at Keith 

They all nodded slowly

“You can’t actually believe that right? I know I haven’t known him as long as you all have but he has more fight then that,” Romelle felt a bit of anger ride through her only for Keith’s next words snuff it out

“That’s the problem. He fought for so long he’s exhausted himself beyond the point of return. This very well could be his last chance.” 

Chapter Text

Keith found himself alone later on. Checking out the path that they were planning to fly as Hunk was finishing the final touches on the lions with Pidge. Scanning them to make sure everything was sound. 

Keith was really doing his best to distract himself. After what Allura told them this morning when they left Lance about the surgery really being the only chance at this point... it honestly just made him feel sick. 

Desperately sick. 

He couldn’t explain why he felt like it was his duty to stay besides Lance. Maybe it was the guilt he still felt from abandoning the team. All that time spent when they first found out. All the time spent now. Even how close he had gotten with Lance’s family as of late. 

Maybe it was all of that but they had all agreed to take turns so they could keep getting things done. 

Shiro hadn’t really helped either. Patting him on the shoulder telling him thanks for talking Lance into the surgery. It wasn’t even his push. He had still held up a bit of hope Lance got his love story. 

Was that silly of him?

Keith sat down stretching his feet ignoring the screen argued with the logic of the path he was looking at currently. 

Honestly the more Keith thought about it he never really thought about love stories. He was surrounded by them but never gave them thought. He knew his father loved his mother to an extreme extent and did recently learned the feeling was mutual. Hence his birth. Then there was Shiro and Adam. 

Keith felt another hit in the gut on that one. Shiro was out here doing his best with the team. When Keith had to find out through a rumor that Adam died in the original fight protecting Earth. His name on a wall to prove it. Shiro never said anything simply patted Keith’s shoulder and went on. He knew they fought right before Shiro left but Keith hadn’t thought it ruined their relationship. 

He had to be burying the sting of a broken love with his work. Something very Shiro like. 

Keith had to admit even he had noticed Hunk and Shay’s bud of a relationship starting and he was surprised he himself noticed. It was... different but he guessed no different than a Galra and Human falling in love. 

Then Lance of course

Honestly the annoying thing was how could it not be Allura? Every hint of a romantic action had always been pointed to her. Unless he was completely missing something. He had to be... right?

But then... what did he know

Keith had never been in love

Keith absentmindedly rubbed the inside of his wrist thinking. He had had his fair amount of crushed there was never a doubt. There was that one kid at the orphanage before he really realized what a crush was. Then that weird kinda crush turned to more of a mentor respect thing for Shiro. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone. Then there was Lance before he left for the Blade. 

But none of them had ever been love

So maybe he shouldn’t be giving his opinion on the matter

There was a soft knock on the door frame drawing him out of his brain. Romelle was back with a snack bag. She tossed it to him and he nodded a thanks. 

“You don’t take care of yourself well do you. Lance typically takes care of you.”

Keith smiled softly looking down at the snack she tossed him, “He’s always been like that. With everyone really. Guess we got lucky.”

Romelle hummed sitting in the empty chair besides him looking down at the model, “Think it’s going to work?”

Keith looked over the plans as well tearing open the pack, “I hope so. I mean we really won’t know till the battle is in motion.”

“I mean the surgery.”

Keith rolled the weird little bit of food between his fingers before tossing it into his mouth. Fruit snacks were just weird. Fruity but almost sweet enough to hurt his teeth. 

“It has too. He will survive it though. He’s Lance.”

“I just wish...” Romelle let her words drift as her face made an annoying twist

“Yeah... I tried you know. I really tried to figure out who it was. To help or something I just... he wouldn’t give me anything. Not a clue,” Keith rubbed his hand against his face feeling Romelle lock onto him

“I always thought it was pretty obvious.”

Keith blinked before locking onto her, “You freakin know and never told anyone?”

“He told me now to.”

Keith could feel a fury rise in his stomach but Romelle raised her hand before he could speak. 

“I thought it was obvious and I thought they returned his feelings. I was wrong though. He made the choice not to openly tell them. He didn’t want them to live with the guilt in case anything happened.”

Keith felt the fight deflate slightly. That was a very Lance thing to say. 

“How the hell did I miss it then? He’s always so obvious with his flirting. Mostly it’s geared to Allura but even now days it’s been tamed. I couldn’t think of anyone.”

Romelle shifted in her seat. Dragging her foot across the floor slightly in a pattern. 

“I think you were over thinking it Keith. Love doesn’t have to be big and obvious you know. Some of the best love isn’t.”

Keith raised an eyebrow wondering slightly. They never really knew too much about if Romelle had a love life prior to her escape. He had never seen anything in the flashes of memory. She had never mentioned it. He wondered if she just knew from experience or witness. 

She smiled softly, “You are probably use to the basic big stuff right? People openly admitting they love each other. The confessions and kisses. Stuff like that but there is more to love than then that. Honestly I think the small stuff is more lovely.”

Small stuff? Keith tilted his head as Romelle kept on. 

“You know they little stuff you don’t notice but they eventually sweep you up in anyway. The little thing of care and love. You don’t notice them till they are gone sometimes. Like the steady rhythm of working side by side. Gentle touches just because they can. Those carefully placed strokes. Making sure they other is cared for be it food or verbal confrontation,” Romelle left her words drift before shaking her head, “I wouldn’t really know I guess. I’m bad at explaining just... love can be shown in little ways too you know.”

She patted her lap slightly as she stood then smoothed her skirt. She gave a small nod and wave to Keith who only nodded back. 

Love could be shown in little ways too

Is that how he missed it?

Love in tiny bits... how would Lance live in tit bits? Lance always seemed to love too much to do tiny things. 

Love could be shown in little ways...

Could you love like that without knowing?

Keith twisted another gummy between his fingers suddenly feeling the weight of the envelopes again. 

Could you be in love without knowing... because you live in little ways?

Could you...

Could someone love you back with those tiny amounts?

Keith pulled out the envelope addressed to himself 

Chapter Text

Lance was alone again for all of thirteen seconds when Keith gently knocked on the doorway. 

"Oh did we save the best for last?" Lance teased

Keith chuckled taking the seat besides Lance letting his head drop to the bed, "Ugh I wish. I'm drained. Today sucked."

"Probably because you didn't take any breaks or eat anything did you?" Lance said undoing Keith's ponytail holder letting his hair fall

"I did thank you very much. Romelle fed me a fruit snack."

Lance snorted, "Keith that's not food."

Keith lazily waved his hand letting it flop onto the bed. He wasn't going to lie he secretly enjoyed the fact Lance didn't move his hand away from his hair. Even if he was tugging annoyingly the tips. Keith finally turned his head slightly to look at Lance. 

"You hair isn't even a mullet anymore it's just long."

"I don't want to cut it."

"Is there a reason?"

"Not really," Keith shrugged as Lance combed his fingers through it one last time

They sat in a comfortable silence. Keith letting his eyes close for a moment as the outside noise from the room seemed to quiet. He moved his hand for the Lance's hand that had originally been combing his hair and set it back on top of his head. 

He was sure Lance rolled his eye but his fingers began to gently rub the top of Keith's head. Keith felt his shoulders relax bit by but as he did finally easing away the headache that had been drawing out through the day. 

"You want a good laugh," Keith mumbled against the sheets

Lance hummed letting his fingers drift toward the base of the skull adding a bit of pressure. 

"Veronica was talking so fast at one point today walking past my room trying to explain herself and I guess she got too excited. She went to do that thing with her hands and threw her sandwich on the ceiling. Pretty sure it's still there."

Lance covered his mouth with his free hand as he let out a bit of a stupid laugh. Keith was glad the sheets hid his own grin. 

"Please tell me she tried to get it down."

"With a broom."

This sent Lance into another giggle fit. When he finally settled down Keith looked back up. He was glad there was still a smile there that he had put. It wasn't much he could do now but he could at least make him forget as much as he could. 

"You have a look on your face," Lance said moving to brush some some hair out of Keith's face

"What kinda look?"

Lance only shrugged and Keith raised an eyebrow. Lance simply moved his hand back through Keith's hair and kept going. 

It was peaceful 

Keith really doing his best not to think about what was about to happen in just a few hours. Desperately trying not to over interpret the letter in his pocket. Not to mention trying to snuff the desire to read the one Lance wrote to himself still unopen as requested. 

But Lance is Lance in ever bit of the sadistic sense

"That you for sticking with me this long."

Keith reached up for the hand in his hair and gave Lance's hand a squeeze. He could feel the slight tremble in it now that it stopped weaving itself in Keith's hair. 

"I'm always going to stick by you. I'm sorry I was gone so long."

"It was longer for you."

"Still," Keith bit down on the inside of his cheek trying to keep everything in check

Lance squeezed his hand back letting the weight settle atop Keith's head. Keith really couldn't stop words from coming. Later he would blame it on the desire to comfort Lance in their final private moments. In reality it was selfishness. 

"Lance, I promise it's going to be ok."

"You can't promise that you know. Don't put something you can't control on yourself," Lance said rubbing his thumb against Keith's knuckles

"Have more faith in yourself and the surgery then," Keith offered

Lance's smile was only a fraction of what it normally was, "I'm being realistic."

"I am too and I'm saying it's going to be ok. We aren't going to lose our Lance today alright. When you wake up you will still be out Lance. The former paladin of the Blue lion. The current paladin of the Red lion. My right hand. The Lance who always has my back. The loud goofy guy with a heart too big. The Lance that loves too much but it's ok because we all love him too. I'm saying it's going to be ok."

There was a lull in the conversation. Neither meeting eyes as Keith's talk ended. Lance looking out to the window nearby. The hint of the setting sun could be seen just beyond. 

Lance squeezed Keith's hand again, "Ok," was all he could answer

———-

Keith

I'm sorry for putting most of my dirty work on to you but you are the person I trust the most to carry it out and keep your head. You are our leader after all. 

If it goes bad, and let's be honest there is a chance it will, please don't let me weigh you all down. Move on. Find the next paladin. I left a list of who I think may be accepted by Red just in case seeing Black doesn't want to take Shiro back. 

But when it's all said and done please just let my family know I loved them. Give them the book and hopefully they will understand. This is war after all there are always losses even in ways we didn't prepare for. 

If I don't survive I'm sorry. If I lose my memory and my feelings I'm sorry. 

If I do survive and the war ends if you have time or if it's even possible... can you please teach me to love again? Teach me what I failed to understand. I don't want to go my whole life not being able to love. I would like to learn again. 

I love you all. I want you to be safe. Please take care of yourself. 

I love you

Lance

Chapter Text

Keith found himself sitting on the ground of a random hall near the hospital with his head to his knees. Carefully counting each breath trying not to think. 

They were all there when they rolled Lance away. He gave a wave as he went through the doors. At this point they should still be setting him up. Easing him into a sleep. Then cutting open his chest in an attempt to save his life. 

And the only thing Keith could do was sit and wait

“Not the waiting room?”

Keith rolled his head to the side to see Shiro looking down at him. He was surprised he even found him seeing Keith kinda just walked around without taking in much the light to where he was going. He just didn’t want to be there.

“Too close.”

Shiro sat down besides Keith. Someone walked by giving a small nod to the pair and scurrying off. 

“This might be the hardest on you compared to the rest of us. You all got really close.”

“I owed it to him. He was alone for so long. None of us noticed. I wasn’t going to let him go through all this alone,” Keith defended

“He wasn’t alone. He had all of us even if it took us awhile to learn. You two still stayed in your bubble though. You are kind of over protective when you chose to be.”

Keith scoffed as Shiro poked him with his elbow. 

“You are and you have always been very over protective of Lance. It’s part of why you all fight so much is he didn’t need the protection. He only accepted it recently. When he wakes up he likely won’t be all for it again.”

“We didn’t fight that often.”

This caused Shiro to laugh, “You broke the elevator.”

“That was not us!”

Shiro knocked his knee against Keith’s jolting his head slightly but remained silent. So Keith brought up something he’s been wanting to ask for several days. 

“Why didn’t you tell us about what happened to Adam?”

Shiro blinked at Keith before turning and letting his head hit the wall behind him. 

“You were the only one who knew Adam. No point in letting the others I had to do a quick private mourning. Would only interfere with the goal ahead.”

“And you wonder where I get it from,” Keith muttered under his breath,” “We are a team you know. You are supposed to tell us when you are hurt... I’m sorry about Adam.”

Shiro only gave a small smile, “He would be proud of us.”

“After he strangled us,” Keith added relaxing a bit as Shiro let out a small laugh again

“Yeah probably wonder how we got ourselves into this mess.”

“He would still help us clean it up.”

“He always did,” Shiro’s voice a bit distant

Silence wrapped around them again. Keith let his head roll back to the original position. He lost track of time for a moment. He wondered if they had even started. 

“Thank you for convincing Lance to do this,” Shiro chimed in

“I didn’t. Honestly I was still holding hope from him till I saw the scans.”

Shiro tilted his head slightly, “The newest one?”

“A few before. Even if a confession was done it would have killed him. It’s not like the plant dissolves to nothing it still comes out but it was so dense at that point it would have suffocated him in the attempt. So even a confession wouldn’t have saved him.”

“Ever figure out who it was?” Shiro dropped his head to his knees mimicking Keith

“I had my theories but he never gave an answer.”

Shiro hummed again closing his eyes letting the minutes draw out. 

Keith let his eyes close too. How far were they? Did they start yet? Where the looking at the tangled mess of chaos wrapped around his lungs and hearts? Was he even under yet? Was he ok?

Was he going to be ok?

He had to

Even if Keith was wrong he had to be ok. He was Lance. He always found some sort of trick up his sleeve. 

Keith couldn’t help but think to Lance. From the time they dragged Shiro to the cabin. Their first ride in Blue. Their fights where they couldn’t communicate worth a damn. Keith realizing why he fought so hard. That stupid crush on the tanned blue eyed space boy who was star struck for a damn princess. Yeah he was a bit bitter about it. It’s what helped him leave. 

Coming back to Lance. A different Lance. A depressed and shell of a Lance that he had left behind. These nights fending of nightmares. Lance never had to know he had them too. That they shifted from being kill and watching the others die to something very different. Losing him. The nights they spent curled against each other under the covers. The soft touches. The hesitation to get too close. The frustration. 

Keith wasn’t an idiot. He knew along the way of sleepless nights and casual conversation his crush came back. He knew that. He admitted it. Which only had it hurt so much worse knowing what was coming. 

Keith felt like a thing string was against his neck as he thought about. He could only imagine how Lance felt. 

But he couldn’t admit it yet. He didn’t know. He needed to give them time. 

“You fell in love with him again didn’t you?” Shiro whispered 

Keith rocked his head back against the wall welcoming the slight pain. Even with his eyes still closed he could see him. Tanned skin, freckles, blue eyes leaning down to pick up one of his cousins. That look he gave Keith when he felt eyes on him. The smile and wave and the mimicked wave from the tiny female version of him in his arms. 

He had fallen all over again just much harder. He was trying to convince himself against it. 

Just a bit longer

Please let me time it right

Please let me be right

When he opened he was met with Shiro’s unwavering stare. His question still in the air. Keith let the thin bit of rope unravel from his throat letting the words pour out of him. 

“Yeah, I love him.”

Chapter Text

There was a steadily annoying beep that could be detected in the background. Occasionally drawing him a bit more in and focused. He couldn’t open his eyes though. Honestly he didn’t want to. 

But he could still hear that beep

Lance felt like he was locked in a box. With just the beeping and dark to keep him company. Occasionally hearing a rustle of something but his body refused to turn toward it. 

There was weight and warmth in each side but he couldn’t figure any of it out. Occasionally the beeping would grow frantic and panicked. A pressure would sit on him till it settled again. 

But he remained locked in his box

He couldn’t tell how long the box kept him trapped but the beep changed its pace from calm to rapid to calm again six times so far. The warmth besides him occasionally shifting but never leaving. 

What happened?

Why was he in this box?

Why couldn’t he see?

Why couldn’t he move?

The beeping grew panicked again. Was that his fault?

What was it?

The pressure on his chest returned. A whisper that sound distant and fake seemed to weave through the cracks. 

“His heart and lungs aren’t use to the sudden pressure relief. It was so use to be covered in flowers that all the extra room is occasionally sending his body into a panic.”

His body what?

Flowers?

Why were there flowers in his chest?

Lance wanted to stretch his fingers. At least maybe that. He stared at them willing them to flinch. They wouldn’t budge. 

“How long?”

More voices drifted through. He wondered who they were. How long had they been there? How long had he been locked away? How long would he stay here?

“Depends. His body panicked at the change. We still are unsure on the exact consequences to what happened. Allura and Coran said in their history they what happened has never been reported. We don’t even know the effects on his memory or emotions yet. We were prepared for his body to panic a bit but the flowers removed themselves too fast.”

What flowers?

What happened?

Silence again filtered through with the exception of that beep. The weight and warmth on either side shifting. His left side seemed to move the most. Occasionally the pressure and warmth gone for what felt like hours only to return. The right side never changed. The beep rising and falling over and over. Only glimpses of talks filtering in. 

“What do you think happened exactly?”

The pressure on his right suddenly gone

“They said as soon as they cracked his ribs apart the flowers tried to escape. They detached themselves.”

“Which means what? His love was returned? That doesn’t make sense why then?”

“It may have been a blessing. The flowers were able to escape through his open chest instead of trying to force themselves out of his throat where he would have suffocated. Honestly perfect timing. However this has never been recorded. We don’t know the effects. If he will still be Lance or if it was too late.”

Too late...

Too late for what?

Lance had too many questions. He wanted out of this dark hell. That stupid beep driving him insane. It grew rapid again. Too rapid. There was a new panic leaking through the cracks. He couldn’t see. 

“It’s too fast.”

“We need to calm him.”

“Why isn’t this working.”

“His heart is going to give out.”

The beep was no longer a beep. More like a long drawn out dull song. There was more panic. His chest felt like it was being stabbed. It tingled to no hell. 

“What about that pod the Alteans have?”

“Too late his heart is stopping we need to get it going again.”

“Hey Lance.”

Lance blinked. His eyes searching the darkness for this new voice. It sounded close. Like it was trapped with him in the box. Like he knew this one. Like it belonged to him. 

“Hey Lance. I know your scared but you need to relax. We can explain then but you have to relax for awhile ok. Take a nap. You deserve it.”

What happened?

How can he sleep with the beeping and the darkness. He couldn’t move. He was trapped. 

“Lance. We are all here. You aren’t alone.”

He feels alone. He can’t see anyone. Why does this voice sound so familiar. 

The voice seemed to tune down. More of a whisper but why did it feel so close? Like it was right there? Like it was with him?

“Lance. Relax my love.”

It was almost a command. He couldn’t ignore it. His heart stopped tingling. The beeping relaxed to beats again instead of a long beep. His throat suddenly cleared a bit. 

Lance sucked in and let out a sigh of relief. He could breath again. He still couldn’t leave his box yet but he looked over to his right side. Where the warmth and pressure had come back. He wiggled his fingers slightly. They barely moved. 

But there was a gentle squeeze in return

“We are here Lance. Take your time. Heal. Rest. We are all here. We will protect you till your ready.”

He was safe... he didn’t know who they were but the voice didn’t seem like one to lie. Not this one. 

He wiggled his fingers again. Another gentle squeeze. 

“We are here Lance. I am here. I love you. I’m sorry.”

Sorry? 

Sorry for what?

Lance tried to squeeze in return but his fingers only wiggled. There was a different squeeze this time. Fingers pushing against his lacing them together. Then a gentle squeeze. 

“I’m here.”

Who is here?

“I love you.”

Who?

“Relax ok. Get better for us.”

What happened?

“I’ll stay right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Please please stay. 

Don’t leave me alone here

It’s too dark

Stay

“Love you.”

Who are you?

Chapter Text

Lance finally woke from his dark box. He couldn’t tell how long he had been out but judging by the pain in his joints he guessed long enough. 

His eyes scanned the room. Lights dimmed. The blinds hiding the window claimed outside was still dark. The monitor next to him beeping steadily. 

There was a sleeping form on the couch in the corner. Another sleeping form that seems to have fallen asleep on a laptop by his feet. Then the final one clutching his right hand. Head rested and eyes closed but breaths slightly ragged like their dream was uncomfortable. 

So Lance gave the hand a squeeze.  

It jolted but squeezed back groaning slightly. The head turned away from Lance.

Lance blinked down at the mess of black hair besides him. He looked forward again testing his toes wiggling them slightly. The shape at the foot of the bed tilted and glasses slid down slight. 

Lance peeked up at the monitor. Nothing fun just numbers. Half of what he didn’t understand. 

There was another squeeze in his hand and he squeezed back without much thought. His brain still felt scattered. Like he had no leads on what to think. 

The hand squeezed again, “-ance”

Lance turned to to the muffled voice as he squeezed the hand back again. It was kinda a reflex honestly. 

The mess of black hair rolled slightly looking up at him. The eyes were weird. Dark but hues of purple. Like a mini galaxy. 

They blinked a few times before sitting up fully. Glancing around the room before gently whispering to him. 

“You are awake. How do you feel?”

Lance blinked trying desperately to connect dots. 

“Sore. I’m mainly... what’s going on?” Lance whispered back afraid to speak louder then the guy holding his hand

His lips twisted slightly to a frown, “How much do you remember?”

Lance only shook his head. It’s like the dots were covered. A look crossed over the guy besides him and he sighed letting go of his hand. 

“I’m going to get the doctors alright?”

Lance nodded as the guy stood. He watched as he leaned over and tapped the figure with the glasses in the head. The head peeked up and the guy pressed his finger to his lips. The figure looked over at Lance eyes wide before the eyes snapped back to the guy who was leaving. 

Before words could spill from the figure still half asleep the guy only shook his head. The look on his face was a poorly masked visual of disappointment. Then he left. 

“Hey Lance. How you feeling?”

Lance refocused on the foot of his bed where the laptop was being moved. 

“Sore. What happened?”

“What can you remember? Anything or is it the drugs making things hazy?”

Lance shrugged not missing the look of disappointment. The person at the foot of the bed shuffled over to the one on the couch. Whispering in the ear and soon the couch moved to sit up and look at him as well. 

“Hey buddy.”

Lance gave a small wave and looked back at the door. The other guy went to get answers right? They could explain to him what happened. 

And well there was suddenly a lot of people in the doorway and Lance felt a bit of panic set it 

Lance felt himself being poked and prodded. There was a lot of questions but it was like a veil was covering the answers. The original three who were in the room with him pressed against the back wall watching. A look of pain on their face. 

“The memory issues really could be from the medication,” one lady said tapping at the foot of the bed, “We plan on using the Altean pod to help speed up the healing of your chest and they may also help cleanse the medication from your system.”

“It’s like my memories are here,” Lance pointed to his skull, “But I can’t touch them. Something is blocking them.”

The woman nodded, “That makes me feel better. It’s telling me they don’t feel missing just clouded. There is still a chance they are still there then.”

There was mixed glances from the group on the back wall. 

“Coran is brining the pod here so you don’t have to walk. Luckily the stitches are holding well but we don’t want to risk moving you,” the lady continued 

“What exactly happened?”

Eyes all glanced at each other. Like trying to pick an answer without giving him the full one. 

“Basically your heart and lungs were being crushed and over run. Then once we relieved the pressure your lungs and heart panicked. Too much room all of a sudden. So we had to change your meds to quiet you down.”

Lance nodded slowly but it still made no sense. 

The woman looked at her tablet scowling, “We will be back shortly. We are just going to set up a room next door for the pod. It’s power system is going to take a second for us to organize.”

Before she left she dropped her hand to Lance’s ankle giving it a squeeze and a smile, “We are glad you are still here Lance. We are going to do our best to get your memory back.”

The crowd left leaving the original three. The guy with dark hair shook his head and moved toward the door, “I’m updating Shiro.”

He left leaving the other two to glance at each other before they moved closer to the bed. 

“So... no one is going to explain to me what happened?”

“They want to give you the chance to get your memory back on your own and not us just telling you but basically you had a surgery to save your life,” the one with glasses tapped the side of them

“Yeah wasn’t looking good for a bit but you suddenly calmed down and that’s what helped. The surgery went kinda weird but they think it may have gone ok. The issue was moved we are just trying to see the side effects now.”

Lance nodded still confused as he looked at the pair. He really wanted some water. 

“Were we... friends?”

The guy nodded with a soft smile, “Yeah man. We went to school and traveled a lot together.”

“Even the scary one with stupid hair?”

This sent the one with glasses into a giggle fit, “Yes even him. Sorry if he seems distant. It’s his way of not panicking.”

Lance could only shrug. What did he know.

There was a soft knock on the door entrance and a tall girl with dark skin and long white hair peeked in, “Hey Lance. We are ready. We are going to change you into this and then move you. Would you like them to help you or do you got it?”

She said his name weird

Lance tried to move his body but his chest felt like it was on fire. His wince didn’t go unnoticed. 

“I got it,” the big guy grabbed the suit and waved the others out

He stripped the blankets over and carefully undressed Lance helping him slide the suit on. 

“There you go. Alright. Let’s get you healed alright,” he said patting Lance’s shoulder as he stood and looked down at his friend

“Hey Lance,” Lance glanced up, “We are really really glad you are alright. Even if this doesn’t fix everything we got your back. We promised you that before and none of us are going back on it. Got it?”

Lance could only nod. He really had no idea what was happening. He was really starting to wonder if he should trust these people but his instincts were oddly relaxed around them. So maybe... for now. 

The group of nurses came back in and wheeled him in next door. A large pod stood against the wall open and ready. 

The woman with white hair pressed several buttons with a sigh before nodding and the group helped Lance in. The moment the door shut Lance felt a bit of panic at the space. Like he was locked in a box again. 

But the lady pressed a button and suddenly he was asleep

“Good luck Lance. We are by your side.”

Chapter Text

Keith was leaning against the wall on the other side staring at the pod. He had convinced the others to go get lunch finally leaving him alone. 

The letter Lance wrote to him sitting heavy in his pocket. The letter Lance wrote for himself starting to turn into a crumpled mess in his hands with how often he tugs at it. 

Guilty

That’s all Keith felt. He knew that’s why Lance never said anything but that’s all he could feel right now. 

Even if he wasn’t sure. 

He knew he loved Lance. He loved Lance. 

He was in love with Lance McClain

There was just several issues that had been in the way. 

When he showed back up to Lance coughing up flowers because he was in love with someone it was a surprise to say the least. For Keith he had been gone for two years. A lot happened in that time so it made sense to him that Lance could have met someone else besides Allura and fallen in love. 

Plus Keith had been gone two years. His own feelings for Lance wilted away with the time and distance. His focus on coming home and making up for lost time with his mother. 

Sure there were the flashes of the past and the future. Lance always there. Smiling and looking at him like nothing had ever changed. His stupid jokes and stories ringing through. 

So his focus on finding help for Lance was a key point. He wasn’t worried about his own feelings. 

Then the uselessness set in. He was failing. He wasn’t able to help Lance. It was only getting worse. The dreams were coming in as strong for him as they were for Lance. He was thankful Lance reached out for him at night because if not he would have suffered alone too. 

All his dreams filled with losing Lance over and over again. In different ways. Sometimes he would be ok though. Just in the arms of a stranger and then taken away before his very eyes again. Never to be seen again. 

Shiro pointed it out to him first when they were still floating around space. Warning him not to catch feelings again. Keith had scoffed because why on Earth would he. He was busy with other things. 

But those nights combing Lance’s hair and watching his chest rise and fall letting him think too much. Watching Lance go out of his way to help others despite his own suffering. His jokes and laugh. The way he was with kids. The way he looked at him. 

All the little things added in and Keith wanted to deny them. He had to he couldn’t let his own feelings distract him getting in the way with helping Lance. 

So he pushed them aside. Ignored them. Never glanced or admitted to them. 

It was getting harder to ignore and deny. Sometimes for brief moments Keith would allow himself to close his eyes and breathe in Lance. Let him pretend just for a second the reason he was curled against his chest wasn’t for the fact he was dying. 

He remembered how everyone pressed him. Tell Lance to get the surgery tell Lance to get the surgery. He will listen to you. 

Yeah right

It wasn’t till Keith was staring at the scans one evening. Lance already in the showers getting ready to end the day when he pointed out something. 

“Even if the person he was in love with were to confess how would all these flowers get out without choking him? It was one thing at first but now there are so many. They don’t dissolve right they have to untangle and free themselves?”

Coran sighed tapping at the screen, “No your thought is right. It wouldn’t. It’s advanced this far and I’m surprised he’s even still standing honestly. At this stage a confession may kill him faster. They would all rush out through his throat trying to exit his mouth. Basically when the confession happens all the roots and stems and vines will release the hold and be expelled the only way it can go. It’s why it’s tricky.”

That night Keith allowed a few stray tears to track down his cheeks as he held Lance a bit tighter. 

He couldn’t lose Lance the idea of it was sickening yet they were closer to it every day. 

The thought had been there before. 

What if it’s you that he’s in love with?

But the thing is it was laughable it really was

An orphan trashed by a shitty system. Raised by a man and his fiancé and the moment one goes missing the other got stiff. Closed off. Keith didn’t feel welcomed at home anymore. Nor the Garrison where he saw Adam every day. 

So he left

Thrown together with a bunch of other misfits to pilot space lions. He was good at that but the whole team work thing sucked. Then he found out he was part alien which scared half the stupid crew. 

So he left again. 

So yes it was laughable to think someone would love him after all the crap he was so use to seeing. Heck if was laughable that he even thought he would find someone he loved. It was never a priority. Never a thought. 

Till Lance made it one

Which didn’t make any more sense to him then probably anyone else. 

They had fought and argued and struggled at the beginning. Honestly Keith thought Lance hated him. It was again those stupid small actions that had done it. 

Making sure Keith are. That his wounds were treated after a battle. That he went to sleep. That he showered. That he was ok. 

So Keith ignored the original thought that it could be him. This was Lance they were talking about. He would have noticed if he was flirting with him... right?

Keith had refused to bend. To let himself pretend that just once someone loved him that wasn’t goi bf to leave him or get sick of him. He was going to ignore it and focus on keeping Lance happy. 

And try not to admit how much it all hurts at the end 

At the same time that though crawled into his skull

What if

What if it’s me

But confessing to himself or to anyone would kill Lance then and there

So even if he wasn’t sure. If it was the stupidest idea Keith had. He couldn’t say anything. 

Unless he timed it perfectly. 

The plants could escape all at once through his open chest. Detaching themselves likely saving the trouble of surgery. Even if he was incredibly wrong. If it wasn’t him. 

If it was... 

When Keith confessed to Shiro a sense of panic and relief had flooded through him. The tight string he had kept on his throat snapping. It was harder to convince yourself over and over you didn’t love someone than he thought. 

But now he had to wait

It was Lance. There were so many better people more deserving of his love than Keith. So he knew the chances were slim but just in case. Just in case Lance was that big of an idiot to fall in love with the one guy who struggled to even love himself. 

Keith prayed the just in case it worked. 

In the end the surgery went crazy. The plants escaped through the chest as Keith had guessed. 

But it left Keith sitting with something more troubling

It was him

Lance had fallen in love with him

Lance loved him and was flat out willing to die at first for it. 

Then he gave up. 

Keith’s fist spasmed around the letter again. Crumbling it even more. Poor Lance was probably going to struggle reading his own letter at this point. 

If he even needed it. They still didn’t know. 

But it was all his fault

For not seeing it early. For being a coward. For focusing on the wrong thing. For being emotionally cut off. For just being a freakin idiot. 

He was still so confused. 

How could Lance fall in love with someone like him? So damaged and distant. So stupid enough to let things get this way. 

“Whatever you are thinking. Stop.”

Keith looked up seeing Shiro leaning against the doorway staring at him. 

“You are supposed to be eating,” Keith said but Shiro raised a sandwich and tossed it to Keith

“You should too.”

Keith caught it but let it sit by his side. He didn’t feel like eating. 

“So it was you.”

“It makes sense right. The timing,” Keith referring to the plants releasing during surgery without anyone touching them

“How long did you have a feeling?”

Keith only shrugged picking at the plastic wrap. 

“It’s not your fault you know.”

Keith scoffed, “If I had noticed or had a clue from the start it wouldn’t have been a problem. Instead I had to freakin time it right and hope it was me.”

“You didn’t love him at the start,” Shiro moved to sit besides Keith shoving the sandwich in his hands, “People fall in love at different rates and show it differently. I don’t think any of us knew or would have guess it was you. You did a smart thing planning it as you did though. Saved his life.”

Keith peeled the wrap back wincing at the soggy feeling of the sandwich, “It’s still my fault.”

“No.”

“Shiro it-“ Shiro rises his hand

“No one can control who they love or how fast they fall. You were gone awhile anyway. You can’t control the way he feels but now it’s up to you two to figure this out.”

“If he’s ok,” Keith whispered looking at Lance still in the pod

“He will be.”

Keith could only hope. He owed Lance an apology and so much more. He wouldn’t be surprised if Lance smacks him for making him wait for so long. Heck he wasn’t even sure if Lance would want to be with him after all the hell he put him through. 

Lance really didn’t deserve more trouble. 

“He will be ok Keith. It’s Lance. Trust him.”

“I always do.”

Chapter Text

Keith was in the verge on sleep when he heard the doors make a swoosh noise. He and Hunk who were in the room quickly looked up to see the pod opening. Lance's body tilting forward. 

Both lunged forward to prevent him from crashing into the ground. Lance groaned in their arms as they carefully stood up him. 

"Hey buddy take it easy. We are going to get you sitting here in the bed once you feel your feet again," Hunk said patting his back slightly 

Lance mumbled something no one could really understand. They watched as he slowly wiggled his feet and then they slowly guided him to the bed. Keith reached over carefully handing him a cup of water. Lance tilted it back and drained the whole thing in a single gulp. 

"Easy not so fast," Keith muttered taking away the now empty cup

Lance grumbled something again rubbing a hand against his head. Hunk and Keith shared a glance. 

"I'm going to go get Mrs. Holt and the doctors. Keep him here," Keith muttered

Keith took a few steps back before pausing and turning back. He pulled out the abused letter and laid it next to Lance's hand. 

"Whenever your ready you wrote this for yourself."

Keith turned and left not waiting to see Lance's reaction. 

He found Mrs. Holt leaning against a table in a lab not far studying the flowers that were still thriving outside of Lance's body. They really were beautiful despite what they stood for. 

Keith knocked on the doorway, "Um he's up."

"Oh! Good good," she dusted her hands off then pulled off her gloves, "Are you coming back with me?"

"No. I uh... he's awake now and you go tests to run. I haven't showered since you know," Keith waved his hand around slightly

She nodded and quickly stepped passed him toward Lance's room. Keith took a look over at the flowers. A few still had dried specks of blood on them but besides that they seemed to be flourishing in the case they placed them in. 

It was rather unsettling 

Keith didn't go take a shower however. He never intended to. Honestly he just let his feet drag him around. He was sure he did a few laps around the Garrison before ending up on the cliff side looking out toward the afternoon sun. 

He removed himself from the situation just like he always did. 

Honestly he didn't even know what to say. Sorry for almost killing you? Sorry for not loving you sooner? Sorry you probably resent me after everything right? 

Sorry...

Right?

Keith hated addressing his feelings. He was awkward with them. Stumbled over them. He had tried in the past maybe not very well and often just got raised eyebrows. 

So he kept stuffing them deeper and deeper inside the box he built. Keeping them where they belonged. We're he had been trained they belonged.

So he focused on what's in front of him. The heat of the desert still hovering around him. The taste of salt and sand in the air. The sun not ready to fully sink behind the hills and jagged forms of rocks just yet but it was only a matter of time. 

Because whatever happening back in the hospital wing wasn't up to him

Keith could hear his phone going off every once in awhile. A text here and there from Shiro or Hunk. Updates and wondering where he disappeared too. He didn't read any of them. Kept the screen down letting the notifications build up.

He didn't want to know. 

He hoped they focused on Lance and didn't look for him. He just needed time. He understood what he did. Confessing a love he had been avoiding only to out that he was the reason their friend was dying. 

And he wasn't ready yet

He still didn't understand 

What would he say to Lance?

What would Lance say to him?

Would Lance even want to bring it up ever again?

Cause Shiro sure would. He and his big mouth probably would accidentally tell the rest of the crew as a bed time story on their way to the final battle. 

And Keith would toss himself out of the lion to end his suffering

"You know your a really though guy to find when you want to be."

Keith's heart dropped clean from his body as he catapulted off the ground a few inches landing hard in his butt and palms. Hissing slightly as rock and sand cut into the his palms leaving them with a sting. 

"The hell are you doing here? Shouldn't you be healing?"

It was freaking Lance in a new blue shirt and joggers peeking up at him and shrugging. The stupid hospital bracelet still hanging on his wrist. 

Keith’s heart frantically beating in his throat as Lance sat beside him looking out into the starting sunset. Lance kept a bit of extra space than he had since they started this whole thing. It kinda freaked Keith out more. It shouldn’t but it did. 

Keith felt himself spiral into a vortex of overthinking. He had never been this panicked during a battle or a test. Not when he lost Shiro. Not when he was suddenly tossed up into space and found out his was half alien. 

No now he currently felt like at any moment the world was going to cave around him and swallow him whole. Burying him and suffocating him under the knowledge that Lance was very much besides him with a scary amount of knowledge to his feelings. 

It was the most terrifying thing in the galaxy. 

“Your memories?”

Lance tapped his head still looking out into the horizon, “I think all of its there. Still fuzzy on some areas. Some things don’t make sense.”

Keith chewed the inside of his cheek trying his best to keep his mind still but it was too jittery to reason with. 

“Thank you for the letter. Well I guess my letter,” Lance continued trying not to let the air grow to quiet around them

“I hope it was helpful. Do I get the honor of knowing what it said?”

Keith winced internally. He didn’t want to know. He did but he didn’t. 

To his horror Lance pulled it out of his pocket smoothing it over. The envelope a tattered mess at this point with how often Keith picked at it. Lance scooted the envelope over a tad for Keith to see. 

“I’m more curious on what you wrote on the corner honestly.”

Keith glanced down seeing his own mess of handwriting peering up at him from the corner of the envelope. He had kept Lance’s wishes on not opening it but he had left his own message in the corner. 

I’m sorry for being too late

Chapter Text

Keith kept his gaze back at the sun for another ten minutes thinking. He could lie. He really could and then they could go on their happy way and finish this stupid space war and live happily ever after. 

Or he could risk the truth

The awkward truth that could lead to either a lifetime of embarrassment and regret... or happiness. 

But Keith had yet to actually see a happy love story

He didn't hold much hope for his own. 

"It's just an apology ok."

He could leave it at that... right? 

"Apology?"

Damn it Lance

Keith nodded still keeping his gaze firmly away from Lance. It was hard to admit that he still wasn’t ready. At least he didn’t think he was. It didn’t feel like the way people always gossiped about or the stories parents told their kids. 

“Keith you have nothing to apologize for.”

What a lie. 

Keith let his teeth sink into his bottom lip finally looking away from the sunset. Lance’s face held no anger or pity. It was just soft and silly Lance. The same look in his eyes that Keith couldn’t really describe. 

“Keith. I have all my memories and emotions and I’m alive. You have nothing to apologize for. Even if you aren’t ready to talk about it. I would like to talk about it honestly but I don’t mind waiting obviously,” Lance waved his hand slightly between them

“That’s bullshit. Lance you almost died.”

“I’ve already done that remember and I didn’t this time.”

“Allura couldn’t bring you back this time if you did,” Keith hissed

“Yeah but she didn’t need to,” Lance pointed out as Keith cussed under his breath slightly 

Why did he have to make everything so hard?

“You are such an idiot sometimes it pisses me off.”

“Me?” Lance snorted

“Yeah you,” Keith narrowed his eyes, “The whole self sacrificing bullshit. The keeping yourself locked away from others. Not telling people the important things Lance. I get you don’t want to be a bother but you were killing yourself.”

“You know everything you just said sounds a bit familiar,” Lance pointed a finger at Keith, “I know a certain dark haired idiot who literally ran away because he thought we were better off without him.”

“That wasn’t the only freaking reason Lance!”

“Oh come on you complained about being on a team more than anyone. Being solo on the Blade was perfect for you. What other reason did you have?”

“I was trying to distance myself from you,” Keith spat looking away feeling Lance’s eyes still on him

Keith could feel Lance’s lingering questions in the air but none spilled. So much taking their time. 

“You just... I couldn’t. I suck at this. All of it so I run and bury it so I don’t have to deal with it. It’s better shutting it down than getting hurt later on and I was so done being hurt,” Keith knew the bitterness in his voice was heavy 

“I left because I knew if I stayed it wouldn’t be a crush anymore. So I was a coward and protected myself. It worked too. Feelings waned and I went on only wondering if you all were safe. Even from that stupid whale I spent two years dealing with flashes of the future and past and I was fine. Then I had to come back to find you sick.”

“So wait... you liked me... then didn’t... and then...” 

Keith couldn’t understand Lance’s confusion but he needed to calm himself more before he tossed both of them off the cliff they were near. 

“You were sick and different and I wasn’t surprised at all that you fell in love with someone while I was gone because it’s you. You always just had that draw to you. You always fell in love with every girl we came across. I really just thought the Allura thing got out of hand,” Keith tried to ignore that familiar urge of jealousy when it came to that thought

“I thought it was someone else and I was ok with that. I was hurt for you. I wanted it to work for you I did. Then-“ Keith let his voice drop

Thoughts of their days and nights in space and here flooded back to him. The touches and jokes. The sleeping and careful talks. The care and concern. The simple fact that they were there, together and working as one again with such ease. Like Keith never left. 

“You are like a damn illusion you know. I barely saw it coming the first time and the second time I tried to dodge it. I can’t control this,” He clutched the fabric near his heart, “I can’t and it stresses me out. I didn’t want it. Not after seeing everyone else’s tragic love story. I didn’t want to get those stupid school boy crushes other gushed about in the halls at the Garrison. Not after already getting my heart cracked over and over again. Trusting people already sucks enough. Actually falling in love...”

Keith’s fingers spasmed stressing the fabric in his hands a bit more. The sun still sinking. Hints of pink and purple kissing the sky preparing their farewell. 

“You were afraid you getting your heart broken again,” Lance conclusion seemed rocky like he was still trying to process the train wreck of Keith’s logic

“I just don’t understand how anyone could even love a wreck like me permanently. They don’t actually and there is plenty of history backing that,” Keith finished finally releasing his shirt from his grip

“Keith,” Lance could only blink confused at that statement 

Is that seriously what he thought?

“Keith, you can’t control... you can’t change what use to be. Obviously I wasn’t really there when you were younger and when I was I was simply jealous. It wasn’t because I saw you as a wreck Keith. You were amazing. You still are. The cracks people put on you can heal with help or on your own. However you want to do it but I’ve never looked at you and saw a wreck

Lance dug his toe into the sand pushing a rock up slightly. He thought this would be easier. Keith apparently loved him back. He thought they could at least... try and say hi. 

He wasn’t expecting this. 

“You aren’t a wreck Keith. There is more to you than I think you realize because I know I may flirt and mess around a lot... but when it comes to loving someone it’s different. My mom always said I loved a bit too hard and she has always been right. When I love I want to love fully even if I can only show it in the tiny details. Do you really think I would have fallen in love with you if you were as broken and terrible as you think you are?”

Chapter Text

"Do you want to know when I realized I loved you?"

Lance asked when Keith left his last words empty leaving silence between them. Keith didn't change his gaze as the last rays finally started sinking. The chill in the air back again.

Lance pressed on ignoring Keith's silence, "When you left for the Blade I already knew that I was feeling something more. I pushed it off because you were leaving but then it was just one of those things you know. I would forget and search for you in the castle. Look up to call you but you weren't there. When we did finally run into each other even if it was for brief moments it was always like a huge relief. Like I could finally relax. When you went missing is when I kinda realized what it was. That despite the scattered amount of time we had spent recently I had fallen in love with you. That's when the flowers started too."

Lance dug his fingers into the ground. Not reaching far so he pulled back and moved to tracing new patterns besides him. 

"You see I don't know how to explain it or justify why I fell in love with you. You were just who my heart and soul chose. You can't control really who you love or how you fall in love or even how long it takes to get there. It's something beyond all of our control. So I've never blamed you for any of it. I'll never be mad about what happened. Honestly I hoped if the surgery was successful that by some miracle I would get the chance to try and love you again."

Keith kept quiet as Lance talked trying to fight the urge to look over at Lance. 

But he really couldn't

The honesty and softness in Lance face and tone. It drew Keith forward like he always knew how. Lance always knew how to guide him to the right spot even if he didn't think he was ready. 

"I always searched you out before I knew," Keith muttered into his knees, "Before Shiro disappeared I would taunt you for training. You started it but I secretly enjoyed the challenge at the right times. Then when Shiro left it was always you and you were always there. I know we are teammates and all but... it was different."

Keith's voice was small. Lance having to lean in slightly to hear without alerting Keith. 

"I always leaned on you without knowing. Would seek you out just to sit in the same room for company. The amount of times we literally fell asleep on tables working on plans. I was thankful Red chose and not Allura. It felt right having you besides me instead of someone else.  I always looked for you... but I was afraid to admit what it could mean."

Keith made a slight face as he shrunk more into himself. He didn't want the full out confession. All the nitty gritty terrible bared raw but Lance at least deserved something even if it felt so wrong for Keith to admit. 

"I was so use to people leaving I didn't actually think I was going to be the one to do it. So I guess I didn't prepare myself. Part of why I left for the Blade was because I realized what was happening. That when I would seek you out it wasn't just for work anymore. I wanted you. The jokes and touches and looks. I was craving them. It wasn't even obvious at first either but once I... I leaned in just a bit you had placed your hand on my back to lean over and grab something. It was stupid but it was like I felt my resistance cave to it. Stupid crush was getting to me. More than I could cover and control. So I removed myself from the situation. Only to freakin fall in love all over again," Keith rubbed his forehead in frustration 

"I just don't understand why loving me is so awful."

Keith paused at Lance's words. The tone obviously hurt and Keith was met with Lance attempting to keep his gaze steady. 

"It's not that."

"Then what is it because I'm really fucking lost here. I love you and I realize it probably makes no sense to why but I do. It wasn't a sudden thing. It wasn't something that happened over night just because I decided to. It-"

"I get it Lance," Keith interrupted dropping his head to his knees tucked against his chest, "I get it. I do. I understand why you are frustrated and confused. You have every right to be. I probably would be if everything was switched but I just... don’t know how to explain it to you.”

“Explain what?”

Keith open and closed his mouth several times fighting the words stuck in his throat. 

He loved Lance. He did he really did. It was never a sudden magic moment it was stuff overtime. The fun they had, the trust they built with each other, the fights and the making up, the soft moments and dumb moments. There was a ton of them from before he left and since he came back. 

So he knew the whole thing shouldn’t have snuck up on him or caught him by surprise. 

But it did

In all honesty Keith sucked at the whole love thing. He didn’t know how to do it or what it really meant. At least he didn’t think he did... but that couldn’t be fully correct for obvious reasons

It’s just in all his life the closest thing he got to see of love was Shiro and Adam and honestly it hadn’t been the best example. Maybe that’s why it was so hard to explain. 

“Are you scared of it?”

Keith blinked and turned his head back to Lance. Lance waiting for the answer even if he didn’t seem to need it anymore. Keith’s normal mask slipping enough for him to see his answer. 

“I guess... it’s one way to put it,” Keith muttered back into his knees

They sat apart in silence for several more minutes. The moon now easing its way up behind them. Air cold enough that Keith was really having to focus on not shivering. 

“But what’s wrong with being afraid? Doesn’t that mean more if you are afraid of it?”

“What type of logic is that,” Keith couldn’t help but chuckle slightly

“Well... you tend to be more afraid of something the more it means to you. Be it losing it or everything going wrong.”

Keith chewed the inside of his cheek. His poor cheek was going to be a mess after this. 

“I wouldn’t know... Lance I... I just don’t know how to love.”

Chapter Text

"Why on Earth would you say that?"

Keith blinked up at Lance

"I thought it was obvious?" Keith letting it finish more as a question instead of a statement 

"What that you don't know how to love?"

Keith nodded and Lance scoffed leaning back letting his palms spread out behind him as he looked up slightly to the sky. 

"Keith you are one of the most obvious people about the way you love. You are constantly there. You give yourself. You put so much into it. I'm not talking about when you came back from from your whale journey. I'm talking about even before. You seriously never noticed?"

"I have zero clue what you are taking about," Keith rolled his eyes half tempted to shove Lance slightly but he was sure that's wasn't great for someone who just had surgery 

Heck Lance really shouldn't be out here. He's sure the pod super healed him and all but he did just have his chest cracked open for the world to see.

"Keith what is like... like how do you think people show love?" Lance ask nudging Keith's shoulder with his own slightly

"Lance," Keith's voice a clear warning

"No no entertain me here for a moment. When people are in love how do they show it?" Lance's full attention on Keith with bright eyes like he just figured out his entire being

"What do you even... Lance," Keith muttered cussing slightly looking out to the empty horizon to avoid Lance's look, "I don't know Lance. The compliments and hand holding and dating and kissing. Cuddling and all that stuff right?"

"I mean that's what couples can do but it doesn't really promise a way to show love."

Keith glanced over at Lance who had resumed to drawing patterns in the sand with his finger. 

"People can show love in different ways and some people like to receive love in different ways. Sometimes the realization can get a bit mixed up when people have different style of giving and receiving love. Like some people show their love through gift giving, or touch, or words. Maybe just one specific way and people might not think much of it because it seems like what they do everyday but it's really important to them."

Keith blinked slightly as memories surfaced, "Touch?"

Lance nodded slightly, "Thats how I tend to show mine. Just little gentle ways. Always have since I was a kid. I think yours might be more acts. Small things like cleaning things that get too much for someone else or the bigger stuff like jumping in front of a stupid blade," Lance flicked a rock that was in his way

Keith rocked back slightly leaning against his palms that sat flat on the sand. 

"You know how to love. I just think you were doing it without realizing it. I thought it was obvious but maybe it was just because I've always had a habit of looking for it and trying to figure out the best ways to show people. I'm not great at the other ones. I mix my words and my acts can be... over the top I guess. So I just stick to what I know."

Keith looked over at Lance. It was like the tight lines across his throat and chest finally snapped. Giving him access to himself he hadn’t realized was possible. 

Yes he was scared. He thought over and over how he couldn't do it because he didn't know how. He didn't want his heart broken and he didn't want to break Lance's even if he was already without realizing it. 

But apparently he was doing it the whole time

Acts of love

Acts

There were different ways to love and apparently that was ok

"So yeah... I get your scared... honestly dumping all this on you makes me feel raw I could only imagine how you feel. So don't... don't worry alright? We still got a war and everything to finish. But the knowing how to love thing... don't worry about that part. I think you've been doing just fine there even if you didn't realize it."

Keith swallowed hard glancing at Lance who was dusting his hands on his pants. Likely a sign he was going to stand soon. Hopefully to go back to the hospital like he should. 

Likely still damn confused and as awkward about the whole thing just as Keith was. 

Just as he was...

Keith squeezed his eyes tight and counted to four. Summoning every ounce of bravery, adrenaline, and stupidity he manages to summon during a battle. 

He loved Lance

He did 

He knew that despite everything

Lance loved him

Lance love him to the point of willing to die for it. To give up his feelings and love for everyone else in the hopes of loving Keith again. 

Even if they said it wouldn’t be possible

To anyone on the outside they should do the obvious. To those on the outside though they must not realized how terrifying it could be. 

Taking that leap 

A small act

A small touch

Keith reach besides him grabbing the front of Lance's shirt before the number four finished flickering through his mind. Tugging him closer forcing Lance to catch himself slightly putting his hand on Keith's knee so he didn't fall face first in the ground. 

Keith only opening his eyes for a moment before squeezing them closed again. The shocked look on Lance's face almost enough for him to release. 

But stupidity kept him going 

Or... would one really call it stupidity?

Keith leaned in before any of his idiotic tendencies faded and kissed Lance. 

And it was also right in that moment Keith realized he had never kissed anyone….

And he had no clue what the hell he was actually supposed to do with his lips

But Lance did

Recovering for the initial surprise Keith could feel Lance’s hand spread across his jaw. Lance pulled back slightly and Keith felt his heart freeze in a slightly thinking he really fucked up now. 

But Lance simply tilted his head slightly so their noses didn’t bruise each other on impact like they about did the first round and leaned back it. Gently rubbing his thumb along Keith’s jaw who relaxed into the kiss. 

Keith was fairly sure his mind flatlined for a moment as Lance took over. Gentle and cautious in the way he did but guiding Keith through his first proper kiss. 

When Lance finally leaned back Keith was embarrassed about the shade of red that was scattered across his face. Lance too keep his eyes slightly to the ground as if unsure what to expect. 

Not that Keith could blame him he just said he wanted time and then tried to play bumper cars with their noses. 

“I’m scared,” Keith breathed out drawing Lance’s attention, “I’m scared and I’m going to suck at it because I don’t understand how to do any of it and I’m still confused but I do love you. I just need baby steps.”

“That was a bit more of a leap then a step Keith,” Lance chuckled giving Keith’s knee a squeeze, “But like I said I don’t mind waiting.”

“I don’t want you to have to wait.”

“And I don’t want you to push yourself.”

“I know you don’t,” Keith sighed scanning Lance’s face

How how does he explain this in words that made sense to both?

“I just… I do want this,” Keith carefully took Lance’s hand from his knee and gave it a squeeze, “And I know you are going to argue but I feel like I don’t deserve it. Especially after everything I put you through. There is just… it’s like a huge unknown and I know we literally traveled through space in giant robot lions that we climbed into and nothing should be scarier than that… but,” Keith sighed and Lance squeezed his hand

“Your shit with words.”

“I know that Lance,” Keith muttered giving Lance a small shove but Lance simply laughed

How could he be so happy and carefree about all this? Maybe it was like a close to death high or something. 

“We don’t have to work it out now. I don’t know about you but it’s getting chilly and I’m exhausted. We have to pack tomorrow and go over details for the trip then we move out in a few days,” Lance groaned slightly thinking about it

Everything still moving fast forward around them. Their feelings and near death experience didn’t matter to what was shifting around them. They had to keep up. 

“We don’t have to solve this now,” Lance said dusting off his hand and standing overnight his hand for Keith

Keith took it allowing Lance to help him up. Keith given the small reminder that there had been a time between them. Lance normally a bit taller than him but now Keith’s eyes matched Lance’s forehead. 

Keith didn’t let go of Lance’s hand. For some reason he felt like he had to fix it now. If he didn’t it would be to late. That Lance may not come back. 

“Come on Keith, we still have a universe to save.”

Chapter Text

Keith let Lance go in well ahead so the search party could be called off and he didn't have to answer questions. He was sure Lance spun it as a 'just wanted some air' thing. Leaving Keith to enter quietly without being questioned.

Though Keith couldn't will himself to bed yet. It was a combination of his mind spinning, avoiding Shiro because he knew he would eventually try to say something, and the fact he didn't think he could sleep if he tried. 

The stress of the past few days catching up. Heck more like the stress since when he got back finally caught up. 

What the hell was he going to do?

His mind felt like it was overflowing trying to process the information Lance had given him. His heart seemed to ache with his brain's confusion. 

He knew Lance said they didn't have to solve it now. They didn't have to do it right this second. 

But was it fair?

To himself or to Lance or to anyone else around them. 

He didn't understand why this was so hard. Why couldn't he get his brain and heart on the same page? He thought they were. So what was this?

"Oh are you out for a walk too?"

Keith looked up to see Allura. She looked as if she were ready for bed minus the shoes on her feet and mice in tow. Keith could have swore there were even hints of the night cream she had used from before linger her hairline. 

"Yeah couldn't sleep. You?"

"Yeah... past few days have really... well I think they have worn on all of us really," Allura rubbed her arm slightly keeping her gaze to the floor

Keith tilted his head slightly. Something in her body language didn't read right. 

"Must have been hard on you... dragging you in to see what was actually happening," Keith tested remembering how they rushed to drag Allura into the operating room when flowers literally started flowing out of Lance's open chest due to Keith's confession 

"Yes. It wasn't a sight I wish to ever relive. You would think battle had hardened me some but I guess seeing someone you know and care for in a position like that... it's different," her voice soft as she finally glanced up at Keith

They were alone in the halls. At best they may pass a guard on patrol but they wouldn't say anything to members of Voltron. Not after everything. The oddness still hung in the air. Keith could sense it. There was something else bothering her. 

"There is something else isn't there?" Keith prodded lightly hoping he had enough of her trust

She gave a soft smile looking off to the window besides them, "You don't miss much and right to the point. You all have grown so much since we first met."

Keith swallowed slightly not knowing where this was going. 

"I've been blaming myself to be honest. For what has happened to Lance. I thought... I really thought it was me. Then... well things moved on. Maybe I was overthinking or too involved trying to help him I let myself fall into the trap I set for myself."

Keith rocked slightly from his toes to his heels. The mice climbed up Allura gently patting her shoulder. She gave them a smile as Keith still sat confused. 

"I think I let myself fall for Lance a bit in the hopes it would save him."

Keith's eyes widened and his heart sank. Allura loved Lance? Was that what she saying right now?

"After everything with Lotor I guess I let myself love the idea and soaked the moments we had together. So when I realized I had feelings that were deeper than I meant I thought for sure he would be saved. The flowers would wilt and free themselves and it all would be fine," She sighed shifting her gaze from the window to Keith, "But it wasn't me after all."

Keith felt the air in his chest release but his shoulders still felt tight. Still unsure what to say. Offer a sorry? Or a been there buddy? 

"It doesn't really matter at this stage I guess," She kept on watching Keith for his reaction, "The flowers are to signal ones true and purest love. Something I thought was for me and I felt guilty I couldn't return it but it seems I didn't need to worry. Someone loves Lance just as much as he loves them. He deserves that. He's worth it. He's a good person isn't he," her smile soft again

"Probably the best of us all... besides Hunk," Keith finally managed earning a laugh from Allura

"Well no one could beat Hunk in that," she mused

Keith shook his head keeping his light smile. He still wasn't sure what she was trying to say but he got her fear. Her guilt. It was probably the same thing swirling inside of himself in that very moment. 

"Either way... I just hope whoever it is isn't an idiot. I hope they show him his proper worth. How loved he actually is," She dipped her head walking by Keith, "Goodnight Keith. We should probably rest. We have a busy day tomorrow."

Keith muttered a soft goodnight not even sure if she heard him. He stayed in the spot for a moment longer. His gaze stuff on the darkness outside. The stars so much farther away than what he had been use to for the past several years. 

Keith knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. 

Lance was staying the night in the medbay for observation. 

Keith found his feet carrying him without much realization. If he was lucky the room would be empty. If he was lucky. 

Luck had been on his side a lot recently. 

Lance asleep. A few machines tracking him just in case for the night. He really shouldn't have left earlier. There was an open chair in the corner. Far enough from Lance where he would not be easily noticed but close enough Keith could watch his chest rise and fall on its own. 

Close enough

Close enough for tonight

Keith snorted lightly to himself. He never pegged himself as someone who would have problems sleeping alone like he had done for years. Now after enough time with Lance he realized he couldn't sleep unless he was in the same room. Just to keep his mind quiet and his heart still. 

He would have laughed at himself if he could see it

Keith took watch in the chair. Nodding occasionally as a nurse creeped in to check on Lance and dashing out. 

He had to think of what to say or do. He could leave them like this. He needed to be honest and listen to himself. He didn't want to mess this up. 

Keith rocked his head back realizing what the blockage was. 

Fear

It was fear that was blocking movement or at least that was the only thing he could come up with. 

Was fear that big lock for him? Could he really be this locked in by fear? Fear of what exactly?

Love?

Or everything falling apart?

Keith sighed rubbing his eyes till dots appeared on his vision. He loved Lance. Why was it so hard to move to the next point? Especially knowing Lance loved him back and was willing to go to such extremes for him. 

And Keith knew without question he too would go to the same extremes

Keith glanced back over to the bed with Lance. His chest rising and falling with each breath. His face seemingly so relaxed but his fist twitched every now and then. Keith wondered slightly where Kosmo was. Normally not leaving Lance’s side. 

Keith watched as Lance’s relaxed face changed slightly. His heart monitor quickened a smidge. It wouldn’t have been noticeable without the numbers besides it. Keith realized it was at this point Kosmo would have alerted him. Lance was in another bad dream. 

Keith moved from his chair hesitating slightly. Maybe the reason Lance was ok with waiting and taking it slow… was also because Lance himself wasn’t ready. 

So would it be ok to keep doing what they had been doing before?

Lance’s hands clutched tighter. His fingers turning slightly white. His shoulders twitched and a rough breath was released. 

Keith carefully reached out stroking down his shoulder to his elbow trying to release the tension. Lance’s breathing still rough. If Keith didn’t fix it it would likely be enough to alert the nurses or doctors to come in to wake him and run tests. All over a bad dream. 

Keith took a breath and hoped Lance wouldn’t hate him for it. He kicked off his shoes by the bed and carefully sat besides Lance. 

“Hey, you are safe,” Keith whispered leaning towards Lance’s ear

Keith brushing some hair out of Lance’s face. Rubbing his scalp slightly as he did. Lance turning slightly into the pressure. 

“You are safe. Everyone is safe. Sleep,” Keith said watching the monitor 

Gently letting his knuckles brush down Lance’s forehead across his cheek and dropping of at the chin. Trying to get Lance’s face to relax slightly. 

Lance mumbled something but his eyes still closed. He tilted his face back toward Keith as if searching for the pressure. So Keith repeated and watched Lance’s face relax more. 

What was he so afraid of? What was his fear blocking?

“Rest Lance,” Keith whispered again

Lance’s hands relaxed no longer creating the white tension. Instead dropping from his side and resting on the bed next to Keith’s thigh. The monitor signaling everything was relaxing again. Lance was no longer stuck in whatever darkness was trapping him. 

Keith let his fingers run through Lance’s hair one last time before dropping to his lap. Watching Lance’s breathe lightly escape him with ease again. Keith resisting the urge to just lay besides him like they had gotten so use to doing. The bed was a bit too small. Someone may walk in. His still really needed to talk to Lance. 

He just didn’t know how. 

Lance mumbled something again but still seemed very asleep. Keith watched as his hand seemed to trace around the bed slightly in search. It would stop then move a few spots again. Lance in yet another mission as he slept on. 

Keith watched Lance’s face grow frustrated and groan slightly. His hand bumped the pillow, paused then inches down. Lance’s face scrunched and one eye seemed to peer open. 

“Sleep,” Keith chuckled slightly as Lance’s hand still wandered with a path now 

Lance cursed closing his eye but his hand grabbed at Keith as he did. The laziest and lightest tug came from the hand as Lance grumbled something again. Keith gave a small snort watching Lance still mostly asleep try to interact with the world around him. 

Lance tugged again slightly hard. Scooting back and grumbling more. Lance waited before an annoyed eye opened again glaring at Keith giving another tug at Keith’s shirt. 

Oh

Keith brain could only come up with that Lance was sleepy and didn’t really realize what he was asking. Logical right? At the same time Keith couldn’t help but crave the routine they had built together over time and it seemed Lance even sleep disoriented craved it too. 

Keith caved laying besides Lance on his side. There was no way he could lay flat out like Lance without almost falling or knocking off Lance. 

Lance’s eye closed and a soft sigh released. His hand moving to clutch the side of Keith’s shirt again. His body relaxing and leaning more and more into Keith’s chest with each breath. 

Fear

Why was his fear keeping him from this?

Chapter Text

Keith could have sworn there were points in life he had been caught in less compromising positions. 

He just really couldn't think of any right now. 

Per normal he slept a bit heavier with Lance. The typical beeps and footsteps that went on around them that would have woken him alone went unnoticed despite the uncomfortable position he slept in. Which gave the nurses several opportunities to smirk and giggle as they checked Lance through the night having to work around the fact Lance had latched himself on to Keith and Keith was also unmoving. 

Which also meant he didn't hear the footsteps that came to visit Lance before breakfast. 

"We should leave them."

"Nah I got my photos I'm waking them up."

"Delete those!"

"Never. Blackmail."

"Shiro-"

"No I'm with Pidge on this... get a video when you wake them up."

"Don't you dare."

"If you exit the room slowly and never speak of anything again I won't kill you," Keith grumbled keeping his eyes shut as the voices finally reached him through the cloud of sleep he was under

"No chance," Pidge smirked and there was the sound of another click in the room

Keith let one eye creak open putting as much evil in the look as he could but it only made Shiro laugh harder. Lance stirring slightly still tucked in Keith's chest. 

"So... how long have you two been bunk buddies? No way this was an over night thing," Pidge teased

Keith lifted the hand that stuck behind Lance's head flipped Pidge off only sending her off more. 

"Well... it does explain... a lot," Hunk muttered rubbing a hand over his face

"Out," Keith mouthed 

Shiro rolled his eyes putting a hand on Hunk and Pidge, "Alright, let's give the idiots time to sort their shit. We have a meeting in two hours. Be there."

Keith suppressed a groan as the finally were drug out. Unfortunately he was also wide awake now and his arm and a leg were trapped under Lance. 

"Are they gone?"

Keith tilted his head down noting Lance still hadn't moved. Curled against his chest, eyes closed, and mouth slightly open. 

"Uh yeah. They left."

Lance let his eyes fully open glancing up at Keith. Keith cursed internally as his heart did that stupid squeeze thing as Lance's blue eyes locked onto him. He wondered if Lance could feel the change of pace. 

"Was it... embarrassing for you?"

Keith frowned, "What for them to walk in?"

Lance nodded slightly and Keith moved back slightly to sit up. His arm having gone numb in the night with Lance on it. 

"Not really. Though I would preferred if they let us sleep."

Lance snorted sitting up slightly and stretching as well, "Yeah like that would ever happen."

Keith hummed picking the arm off of Lance's waist and pushed Lance's hair off his face quickly letting his hand drop back in his lap after. 

There was a limit and a line Keith still was unsure where it belonged. 

Lance swallowed slightly glancing at the door and peeking back up and Keith, "You didn't go to your bed last night."

Keith hid a small noise in the back of his throat. Honestly it was more embarrassing admitting to Lance he couldn't sleep alone anymore than it was for them to be caught in the same bed. 

"No," Keith managed to keep his voice normal enough not to get an eyebrow raise

Lance kept his gaze steady for a moment. Turning things over and over in his brain.he sat up fully tucking his legs to his chest letting his chin rest. Keith still keeping his gaze down. 

What was the problem?

It was like a missing link. A step they were completely forgetting that was crucial to move on. Why did it feel like there was a thin veil blocking this? 

What did all this mean?

Lance let his hand tip down grazing near Keith's elbow. He felt Keith's gaze turn to him in waiting. That's all this seemed to be was waiting. 

"Keith... you know how I said we needed to take this slow because everything was confusing and things seemed to have dragged and built up and crashed so we are kinda trying to find all the pieces right now?"

Keith blinked slightly trying to find what the actual bell Lance just said. 

"I mean... I guess I understand what you are saying," he tested honestly still confused

Lance chuckled resting his cheek on his knee tilting his head to face Keith, "Ok yeah that was a bad way of putting it I guess," Lance still keep that hand near Keith's elbow, "But you know how through all this," Lance pointed at his chest, "We we're together through it but dealing with our emotions separately. For some reason I thought it would be easier doing the after part the same way but I guess being there in support with each other like last time."

"I'm still slightly lost," Keith muttered but Lance didn't seem to hear it

"I said we would figure this out together and I would give you space to figure it out... I don't want to do that."

Keith groaned flopping back into the pillows cause Lance to laugh slightly. 

"Still confused here Lance. Can I just tell you how this should go? I got to think a lot in the damn chair all night."

Lance chuckled again shoving Keith slightly in the shoulder as he now took up the majority of the bed. He nodded dropping the leg closest to Keith letting it stretch out in front of him keeping his cheek on the knee still tucked to him. 

"I'm fucking terrified," Keith watched Lance's face shift to shock, "I'm fucking terrified that I'm going to mess this up one way or another. That I'm going to get hurt again too because that's happened a lot."

Keith tilted his head to face Lance more. Doubt swimming deep in Lance's blue eyes. Almost a smidge watery like he was expecting the worse. 

"I'm going to mess up... a lot. I have no clue what I'm doing. I don't think I've ever even watched a stupid romance movie in my entire life. The best example I've ever had is Shiro and Adam and even then... I don't know what to do. I don't know what's right or wrong. A lot of what I'm guess here is just instinct. It's what's kept me alive this whole time and what led me to you."

Lance visibly swallowed. His eyes seemed to draw across every spot of Keith's face as if looking for a hint of what was happening. This must be what it was like for Keith when Lance was using metaphors. 

"I know everything is confusing but I don't want us to be stagnant in this. I don't want to wait or take space and time to talk. We can keep moving and talk. I will never learn if we just wait," Keith suddenly sat up, "I'm not meaning like... you are something I need to learn or anything like in school. It's more I want to. I want to know about you and how to do the whole love thing."

Lance lifted his head off his knee. His fingers picking at the sheets under him slightly. His gaze locked down. 

"So what your saying..."

"I love you and I don't want to wait anymore for it."

Lance looked back up at Keith. The seriousness laced with something softer. 

"I'm going to suck at it and I don't want you running for the hills when that happens but I don't want to do the baby steps. I want this," Keith pulled Lance's hand that was messing with the sheets gently giving the hand a slight squeeze

Lance hid the fact he was chewing the inside of his mouth with a smirk, "So that means what? No baby steps so we jump right into marriage?"

Keith glared slightly pushing Lance lightly who let out a stupid squawk laugh as he almost fell off the bed and the sight of Keith's red face. 

"Dating you idiot," Keith mumbled, "We can do all the baby steps we want but the fact of the matter it's going to keep delaying the jump eventually."

The missing step

"So... dating publicly? You are alright with that?" Lance glanced at the door thinking of how their friends just barged in and there wasn't much reaction other than murder from Keith when they walked in

But with friends and family it's different. It's hard sometimes announcing yourself to the world and they would have to eventually. They were Voltron.

Keith nodded slightly his face tilting slightly closer to Lance's. Lance paused waiting for whatever card Keith was playing now. 

"I'm not good with dates I don't think. I wouldn't know. But I want to keep doing this," Keith squeezed Lance's hand again

"I want to wake up in the same bed as you every morning. I want to spend the time with you. I want more this," Keith gently traced his fingers through Lance's hair letting Lance's eyes flutter slightly

"And this," he let the hand drop to Lance's face carefully letting his thumb rub along Lance's cheek

Lance giving in letting his cheek rest fully in Keith's palm. 

"And this," Keith's voice light and quiet as his thumb traced over Lance's lips

Lance shivered with heat rising in his cheeks. Keith's eyes seemed to have lost his original goal in talking. The words floating away from his brain as he watched Lance's reaction to the simple touch. 

"I love you and I'm not planning on losing you or waiting. We already almost messed this up once. I'm not going to let us do that again."

"That's... thats uh," Lance's brain was a puddle however

Trying to process what has just been given. He knew Keith loved him and had said it before. He knew he loved Keith but he still didn't know enough about Keith. He craved that knowledge. He wanted to know more. Keith was dangling it right in front of his face. 

Keith taking the jump first offering a hand to Lance asking him to join. To think originally it had been Lance gently guiding them step by step to this point. Of course Keith would just jump instead. 

"Only... if you want to."

The hesitation. Lance realized he hadn't responded. Keith slowly pulling back giving Lance more space to breath and thing for a second. Really Lance didn't need the second he was just trying to scoop the remains of his brain into a proper brain mold to function.

His brain still trying to remold the best he could do was nod into Keith’s hand that was slowly starting to pull back. He blinked a few times in an attempt to reboot and nodded again. 

“I’m ok with jumping,” Lance muttered hand reaching out to grab Keith’s shirt ready to pull him back in

Keith’s hand cupping Lance’s face again. There was a hint of hesitation again in Keith’s face. Like he suddenly realized what was happening. Like the half step one might take before diving off the cliff. 

And oh man did he want to take that dive even if it scared him shitless

Keith would like to think this was his favorite kiss they have had. Both eager and carefully to test it. The swoop his stomach did really felt like they took the jump together. Lance teasing slightly stealing his bottom lip with his teeth giving a small tug as he pulled back to look at him. 

“We need to do a lot more of that,” Lance teased

“Are you saying I need practice?” Keith narrowed his eyes slightly as Lance laughed shaking his head sneaking in for another small kiss

“Maybe a smidge,” he muttered before Keith closed the distance again with a slight scowl 

“Remember we have a meeting.”

The pair jumped apart. Lance scrambling not to fall on the floor. Keith managing to steady him grabbing his shoulder and turning their attention back to the door. 

Pidge smirking in the doorway holding her phone up. A small click sounding from it. 

“I’m going to drop you off a planet’s ring when I get the chance,” Lance huffed only sending Pidge into a crackling laughter turning away from the doorway

Keith let his hand drop from Lance’s shoulder once he was sure he wasn’t going to fall off. His eyes still glued to the doorway. Lance frowned slightly tilting his head slightly to gain Keith’s attention only raising an eyebrow in question. 

“They… is everyone going to be mad that it took me this long to get my shit together? I mean… I almost killed you.”

Lance frowned moving forward grabbing Keith’s hand and squeezing, “They won’t. You saw those three. They won’t say anything they will just be glad it’s over. I’m not mad at you so they have no reason to be either. If they do I give you permission to drag them behind Red till we get to where we need to go.”

Keith snorted slightly, “You are in Red remember.”

“Good. I’ll throw some loops in,” Lance squeezed Keith’s hand again, “Seriously Keith, we got this. Hard part is over. We jumped.”

Keith smiled slightly squeezing Lance’s hand back, “Confessing is the hard part?”

Lance snorted, “It’s the freakin worse part. Loving someone is much easier.”

Keith made a slightly skeptical face, “I don’t think that’s completely accurate.”

“Sure it is,” Lance flapped his free hand 

Keith rolled his eyes glancing at the clock, “Why don’t we break you out of here and get you real food before we have to suffer through another stupid meeting.”

“Ooo first date,” Lance wiggled his eyebrows slightly warning a snort from Keith

“If you count stealing food from the kitchen and avoiding Pidge and her photos a date then sure.” Keith stood stretching slightly as he slid on his shoes

“I thought you didn’t know anything about dating.”

“I don’t.”

“… then how do you know that’s not a date.”

Keith flipped Lance off as Lance hopped on one leg stuffing his leg into his uniform. 

“I’m going to make it a date,” Lance smirked flipping Keith off in return

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Keith waited at the doorway as Lance pulled on the shirt a thin faded scar across his chest the only hint of what had happened

“I help you sleep at night,” Lance teased as Keith groaned

“I’ve changed my mind. I’m not dating you,” Keith turned to leave only for Lance to throw an arm on his shoulders

Keith smirked looking down noting Lance was currently on his toes in order to do so.

“Ok ok come on. Feed me for our non first date first date.” Lance hopped slightly pulling his final shoe on

“Cool you are paying then,” Keith rolled his eyes as Lance scoffed

He had missed the playful banter. There was so little of it when they were panicking over Lance potentially dying. 

“Rude,” Lance muttered finally standing on his own feet fully

Keith reach a hand out watching Lance glance at it and pause slightly. A soft smile appeared as he reached out and took Keith’s hand. 

Keith tugged Lance into the hallway after checking they were home free. Lance glancing down the hall pausing and tugging Keith to him to steal one final kiss before they made a break for the kitchen. 

Lance remembering the words that had swam in his skull when he had thought this was never going to happen. 

Who needs love anyway?

The words being heavily eclipsed by Keith’s lips as Lance felt his back press slightly against the wall. Lance couldn’t help but hum slightly before Keith pulled away eyes looking just as dazed as Lance felt. 

For once in his life he was glad he loved a bit too much. 

If it got him this it was ok. 

And he knew it could only get better from here