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It was raining when she woke up - water poured against the window in a rhythmic, relaxing tempo, and Kanao blinked a few times in an attempt to whisk the sleep from her eyes. She leaned against the wall, staring into the hazy layer of grey that masks the outside and watching the droplets of water fall gently onto the garden, gracing the flowers and vegetables that Kanae-neesan tended and nurtured for with so much joy.
One, two, three minutes passes, and Kanao relented to listen to the rain, not making an ounce of movement to stand and start getting ready for the day. It's calm, peaceful, just her and her empty room as company, a neatly done bed by her feet and her school materials packed and organized in her backpack, braced for the long day of school ahead of her.
She almost didn't want to go, not when rain was still pouring outside and showed no signs of stopping, but through heaving eyelids she took notice of the other schoolbag, dark pink ornamented with pretty drawn flowers, placed gently next to hers, almost as if leaning into one another for warmth and comfort, and Kanao perked up, her heartbeat increasing pace and her chest clenching with an anxious feeling she was all too familiar with.
Rising from bed, she tiptoed her way through the bedroom - not as messy as she remembered, she points out as she glances to the cleaned floor -, picking up the white shirt and green skirt that composed part of her uniform and a clean towel that had been carefully hung up on the bedroom door.
Kanao wondered if Kanae-neesan had gone through the trouble of organizing her room again before heading to work.
She opened the door - hastily, and she notices that she's in a hurry she didn't need to be in - and found Shinobu-neesan at the other side, standing in the hallway with her brow furrowed in annoyance and a hand raised in front of her as if she had intended to knock before Kanao suddenly pulled the door open.
"I was about to call you", Shinobu-neesan stated, simple and direct, her tone impatient. She didn't startle at the unexpected appearance, and even if she did, she masked her surprise with ease. "Breakfast is ready. Hurry up if you want to get to school in time"
Kanao stared down at her for a few seconds before nodding and making her way to the bathroom at the end of the hallway. She heard Shinobu-neesan huff and followed her decisive footsteps heading the opposite way before closing the door behind her.
Kanao wasn't one for words. Words were hard, complicated, and she preferred to keep quiet as opposed to let herself fumble with them, because she had learnt that unnecessary words were dangerous when said at the wrong moment and in the wrong situation.
Kanae-neesan had told her it was okay, that she understood why Kanao wouldn't answer simple questions or speak up her mind, because in truth, Kanao was still learning what it was like to freely feel and express herself without fearing punishment or pain.
And it had already been many years, many springs since Kanae and Shinobu had taken her under their care, and Kanao still finds herself upset that she couldn't bring herself to return the same kindness they had showed her - even if Shinobu-neesan had been annoyed and impatient with her at first, at her indecisiveness and silence.
She wasn't good with words, and she wasn't good with actions, but she was grateful that her sisters comprehended her limitations and wouldn't push her beyond what she could withstand.
It was when she heard urgent knocking on the door that she realized she had been showering for longer than intended - but the hot water was comforting, specially in contrast with the piercing cold of the late autumn -, and slight guilt washed over her as Shinobu-neesan's stern voice penetrated the cramped ambient.
"Hurry up, Kanao! I don't want to deal with Tomioka-san's scolds again!", she chided, and there was a layer to her voice that suggested that such possibility disgusted her beyond comprehension.
And despite herself, Kanao's lips curled up in a small smile as she heard Shinobu-neesan's impatient footsteps disappear in the hallway when she turned off the shower.
She found the outside of the bathroom to be much more chilly than what she recalled from twenty minutes before. She returned to her bedroom, searching for the missing attires of her uniform as Shinobu-neesan's voice returned to rush her in her task.
Both schoolbags in hand and her tie circling her neck, Kanao emerged in the kitchen with butterflies in her stomach and a sinking feeling of anticipation as she dreaded the encounter she had pushed further back in her morning as much as she could.
Because she wasn't good with feelings. She fidgeted and stumbled with them because they were new and overwhelming, and although Kanae-neesan frequently encouraged her to welcome and accept them as a healthy part of herself, Kanao found herself attempting to avoid them more often than not.
Feelings were frightening. She was frightened - her breaths coming in uneven, anxious exhales, her feet urging to run back to the enclosed safety and privacy of her room.
"Good morning, Kanao-chan!"
Beaming burgundy eyes met hers, a burning and welcoming red that matched an equally warm smile.
Ah , Kanao thought, resigned, feeling her heart beat furiously against her ribs. She supposed she would just have to deal with those foreign, scary feelings she didn’t understand, that made her flush and fidget nervously with her hands, made her face burn as hot blood colored pale cheeks and caused her stomach to swim in a sea of butterflies, eyes glued to the ground.
Yes, it was scary as it was confusing, but Kanao was surprised to discover she craved those feelings as if she was a hungered employee searching for a warm meal after a long, tiring day of work.
Warm. That's how she felt, and she was relieved she had found a word to describe what exactly she had been experiencing these past few months.
From the dining table, Nezuko Kamado tilted her head to the side, lips still curled up in a smile but with a hint of anxious, genuine worry dancing in her eyes - red and bright and burning -, and Kanao realized, maybe a little too late, that she hadn't responded yet, and that she probably seemed - unintendedly - upset.
Because Kanao wasn't very good with words, since they had come to her later than what was acceptable, and she still found it difficult to piece together coherent phrases and form comprehensible lines of thought to speak up. But Nezuko - with an amusing smile on her lips, eyes gleaming and oh so beautiful - had said once, when Kanao had stumbled on a particularly difficult word and flushed in embarrassment, that she found it cute.
And Kanao had glanced up from the ground, peering her with blushing cheeks and an almost stunned look, not sure what exactly that meant or why did she have such an agitated sensation in her stomach. She probably had a funny expression on her face, because Nezuko had laughed, pressing their shoulders together - gently, never pushing, because she was aware that Kanao was still estranged to physical affection and had limits other people did not.
Surprisingly, however, Kanao had not backed away, because she found the small gesture extremely comforting - though she didn't lean on it, since she wasn't sure how to properly respond to affection -, and she had decided that she liked the sound of Nezuko's laugh, because it was pleasant and made her chest feel warm.
Yes, Kanao wasn't good with words, but she always found herself struggling to find the right ones whenever Nezuko tilted her head to the side, red eyes curious and expectant in the hopes of one of the rare occasions where Kanao did indeed speak up - always a short, direct sentence, but it never failed to make Nezuko's eyes sparkle.
And Kanao wanted to see that sparkle more often, so she made additional effort to speak up more frequently whenever Nezuko was around, and even Kanao was surprised to discover there was a lot that she wanted to say.
She bit her tongue, expectation curling up inside her chest as she prepared herself to return the greeting - and then she noticed a shade of dark purple across the table.
"That's my hoodie", Kanao said instead, frowning.
Nezuko startled, surprised by the statement, and looked down to the piece of clothing she was wearing over her school uniform. It was a simple, plain hoodie colored in a dark shade of purple, as if someone had poured wine over the fabric, and Nezuko seemed small in it, since that hoodie was already a few sizes bigger than Kanao's own, and Kanao was taller.
"Ah", Nezuko murmured, a little sheepishly, but when she glanced up to meet Kanao's eyes there was no trace of apology in her own. "I forgot my coat at home yesterday, so I borrowed this instead. If you don't mind, that is"
She smiled, her lips curled up sideways as she expectantly awaited for Kanao's response. And in truth, there was something enticing in seeing Nezuko wearing something that belonged to her, something that made her heart beat a pace faster, and Kanao realized she didn't mind at all.
She blinked once, shrugged and placed the schoolbags she was carrying leaning securely against one wall.
"It's against the dress code", she stated, short and simply as she approached the kitchen table, her hand prying close to a set of toasts placed neatly on a plate. Shinobu-neesan's breakfasts were always simple, made to be eaten in a rush as she was aware Kanao frequently took her time to get ready in the morning.
There was a thin line that separated Nezuko's smile from a smirk, and that was something Kanao had found out over the time they had grown closer - and it was something that had stunned her, because she had met Tanjirou first -, that such aspect of Nezuko's personality even existed, sly and teasing, particularly when in such contrast to her brother's innocent kindness.
"I'm sure Zenitsu won't mind", she said, absentmindedly tapping the table with her fingers, one by one, an edge to her voice that somehow matched her smile, a hint of mischief making her red eyes shine.
And, despite herself, Kanao chuckled, immediately understanding what her friend intended to do.
She caught Shinobu-neesan glancing at her with an eyebrow raised, her eyes piercing with a curious undertone. Kanao promptly ignored her, finding such gaze to be awfully disconcerting, concentrating instead on the piece of toast in her hands.
There was an awkward silence - at least, Kanao found it awkward, because there was an underlying urge to say something more, of speaking up and fill the ambient with noise, as small and estranged as it may be. But Nezuko seemed comfortable, drowned in such quietness, tracing the brim of a cup with her finger, and that eased Kanao's nerves a bit - of course, because silence coming from her wasn't something entirely new, and more rare and precious were the situations where she spoke than anything else.
Breakfast was over in an instant, particularly because Shinobu-neesan was growing restless by the minute. She rushed the younger girls back to the bathroom in order to brush their teeth and finish the morning routine, and they returned to their waiting lunch ready and neatly packed over the kitchen table.
"Ah", Nezuko whispered, somewhat flustered by the gesture. "Shinobu-san, that isn't necessary-"
Shinobu-neesan dismissively waved a hand, and there was a smile that decorated her lips that Kanao wouldn't really describe as gentle - Shinobu-neesan was quite proud when it came to certain things, and Kanao found it amusing, most of the time.
"Please, we won't be able to stop by your family's bakery anyway", curt and direct, like Shinobu-neesan was, but her smile was now entertained as Nezuko awkwardly glanced between her and the lunchpack, pondering if she should accept the kind gesture.
Kanao found it cute, the way Nezuko flustered whenever someone went out of their way to make something for her, and how she would unconsciously shrink in slight embarrassment - Nezuko was already small and, wearing that oversized hoodie, she seemed shorter and more vulnerable than Kanao knew she was.
Kanao was taller, and older, and even if it wasn't by much, she found that difference to be something quite precious.
She smiled, timid and somewhat unsure, and she could only hope that she was able to transmit enough reassurance as she took both lunchpacks Shinobu-neesan was insistently handing to them. And, without a word, she took Nezuko's hand in hers - soft, warm and comforting, like Kanao correctly assumed they were - and gently closed her fingers around one of the packs.
Nezuko was stunned, red eyes wide and searching for a trace of something on Kanao's expression - and Kanao could only pray silently that the storm of butterflies she felt in her stomach wasn't as apparent as she feared.
"You're my guest", Kanao paused, searching for the right words. It was a difficult task, but the sight of their hands over one another - hers so small and fragile under Kanao's own - filled her with a confidence she didn't know she possessed. "And we treat our guests as best as we can"
And that was true, because the Kochou household was known to be the most welcoming in the neighborhood. At the corner of her sight, Kanao caught a glimpse of a knowing smirk playing in Shinobu-neesan's lips, and she retreated her hands to her side, closed into fists as she felt a blush creep its way to her cheeks, suddenly aware of their proximity.
It was jarring, and Kanao's breathing was coming fast and uneven. She felt like hyperventilating.
But Nezuko smiled - and that one was genuine, bright and filled with such energy, Kanao thought she didn't want it to go away.
"Thank you, Kanao-chan!", she beamed, her previous awkwardness forgotten, clutching to the lunchpack like it was a treasure, precious and irreplaceable.
Kanao smiled too - shyly, because she wasn't too sure what to do herself -, and she supposed that, whatever it was that she was feeling, that ardent sensation that made her chest fuzzy, it wasn't as bad as she had initially thought.
"Ah, Nezuko-chan, you know you can't wear that"
Zenitsu seemed devastated, and that wasn't surprising. He had been standing at the school's entrance over the past hour, clipboard in hand and attempting to convince students to drop any attires that weren't listed in the dress code - which was particularly difficult that day, considering it was raining, cold and that he had to stay inside the school, at the start of the crowded hallway fervering with arriving students.
Kanao understood, really, since Zenitsu didn't exactly seem to be content with his task that morning, having to squish himself between the passing people in order to maybe try to execute his work.
"But I forgot my coat home yesterday…", Nezuko whined, clasping her hands together and glancing up at the blond boy with wide, pleading red eyes. Kanao knew her well enough, though, to sight the slightest hint of deviltry in her seemingly innocent smile. "Please, Zenitsu! It's so cold!"
Kanao bit back a smile, watching them intently as the boy struggled to piece together understandable thoughts. And, just as she predicted, Zenitsu sighed in defeat, his shoulders plumping and his entire face flushed red, Nezuko in a closer proximity to him than Kanao would like to admit.
"Okay, fine!", he cried, not attempting to step back to distance himself from her. "Tomioka-sensei is going to kill me…"
Nezuko beamed, obviously content with herself for circling around the school rules unscathed - again.
"Thank you, Zenitsu!", she clutched the edge of the hoodie, that made its way almost past her skirt, and Kanao couldn't help but think how well it suited her, even though she nearly seemed to drown inside it - it was adorable, really.
Zenitsu waved a hand in a dismissive gesture, but his face was frowning in a way that indicated he was close to breaking down in tears. He backed away, resigned, and relented to continue the dress code check for the arriving students.
Kanao felt somewhat sorry for him. Nezuko just had that charm that allowed her to get by as she pleased, and Kanao correctly figured that Zenitsu, being the womanizer boy that he was, wasn't one to resist it. And to be honest, Kanao herself wasn't one as well, because more often than not she caught herself going along with whatever Nezuko said, clinging to the sight of her smile and the sound of her laugh.
Another voice startled her from her thoughts, and Tanjirou's warm smile filled her vision. He was always like that - beaming, like a miniature sun walking on two legs, now holding a closed umbrella in one hand and carrying a folded coat in one arm.
"Good morning!", he greeted, and Kanao noticed just how his eyes - red, burning , like two pieces of incandescent coal - were so much like his sister's.
" Ah ", Kanao heard Nezuko gasp by her side, taking notice of just what her brother was gently holding in his arms. "Morning, nii-chan! How did you spend the night without me?", she smiled, teasing, rushingly taking away the coat and tucking it under her own arm, letting it be covered by the never-ending folds of her hoodie.
Tanjirou shivered, then yawned, bringing his sister in a tight embrace as he reminisced her absence at home the night before. It was just then that Kanao realized how tired he looked.
"Rokuta cried the whole time! I spent hours trying to quiet him, but he wouldn't sleep", he grumbled, clearly discontent with his poorly-slept night. "He was missing his big sister, you know?"
Nezuko laughed, a cheery, heartfelt sound that made Kanao's guts twist in agitation. She knocked lightly on Tanjirou's hard forehead, a smile tugging at one corner of her lips.
"And you, big brother, needs to learn how to calm down your baby sibling"
"You make it seem so easy!", he pouted, shoulders sinking. "I didn't think he- hey, isn't this yours, Kanao?"
Kanao blinked, startled for being suddenly pulled into their conversation. She followed Tanjirou's inquisitive gaze, to where his hand gently grabbed a portion of the hoodie's oversized sleeve.
"Y-yes", she murmured sheepishly, abruptly feeling an anxious agitation fill up her chest.
"Oh", he frowned slightly for the shortest of seconds before smiling softly, genuine and innocent. "Did you lend it to Nezuko? Since she forgot her coat home yesterday"
Kanao nodded, unconsciously fidgeting with her tie.
"I see! You're so kind, Kanao", Tanjirou beamed, now measuring his sister with apparent new eyes. "It looks so big on you, though, Nezuko. I brought your coat, if you want to change it-"
"That's alright!", Nezuko rushed to interrupt him, perhaps a bit too loudly, peering at a tiredly exasperated Zenitsu a few feet away from them, dealing with a student that refused to take off their brightly colored scarf. "I like it. It's comfortable, and… it smells nice"
And at that last statement, she glanced at Kanao, burgundy eyes glinting with an underlying insinuation of something else, that side grin of hers that Kanao had never seen shown to someone else decorating her lips - and the possibility of Nezuko having something special just for her filled her chest with a nervous warmth that was addicting .
Oh , she thought, feeling her face flush at the realization of just what that implication meant, fixing her gaze on the wet floor of the school's entrance.
Still, despite her nervousness, Kanao felt a smile creep its way onto her lips.
"Do you have a crush on someone, Kanao?"
Kanao dropped her paintbrush, staring wide-eyed at the boy next to her, her stomach sinking in dread. Tanjirou returned her gaze, red eyes shining apologetically.
"Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you", he smiled sheepishly, kneeling down to pick up the brush that had fallen by his foot, that part of the floor now stained with blue ink.
Kanao grasped the edge of her green vest, her hand curled into a fist.
Tanjirou was usually easy to talk to, as she had found out, surprised, when they had first met the year before. He was kind, never pushing her beyond her boundaries and never asking for more than what she could handle, and Kanao was truly grateful for him. Tanjirou was like the calming sun of sunset, warm and patient, and although he could be painfully oblivious at times - because there was such an innocent kindness to him -, his genuine reassurance and comfort had never, ever , failed to come to her aid when she was feeling particularly upset, worried or angry about something.
And Tanjirou, as understanding as he was, was promptly aware that feelings were complicated for Kanao, and that she didn't really know how to properly handle them. And, just like Kanae-neesan, he was willing to give her the necessary encouragement for her to push forward, a little bit each day.
" You should listen to the voice in your heart, Kanao ", he had suggested one time, when he had learned that Kanao just wasn't able to make decisions of her own volition. And, although he hadn't judged her in the slightest, such concept of having no free-will of her own was bewildering to him.
" I don't think there's anything in this world that doesn't matter" , it had been what Tanjirou had retorted when she had stated, bluntly and shortly, that there wasn’t really a thing she actually cared for.. " I guess you say that because the little voice in your heart isn't strong enough "
And, at first, it were those words of his that had made Kanao pause, for the first time, and consider that maybe there was some truth to his statement.
"It's alright", she murmured, averting her gaze to her incomplete painting, her shoulders tense.
"No, no, I'm really sorry for being so sudden!", he clarified, and Kanao felt his piercing gaze on the side of her head. "It's just that… you have this scent of someone who's in love"
Kanao turned to look at him, eyes wide in alarm and her face burning.
It stunned her, what Tanjirou said, because she didn't understand much about love in the first place. Feelings were complicated , and she wasn't sure if the way she felt - that warm, fuzzy sensation that made her heart agitated - could be even classified as something that seemed so uniquely precious.
Besides, Tanjirou was one to unintentionally exaggerate such subject, and Kanao wasn't entirely sure if she should believe in his words, because his innocent nature could often cloud his judgement. But still , she knew that boy well enough, and she had never met someone so honest and so genuinely kind - and Tanjirou's sense of smell was also never one to lie, and as much as Kanao dreaded to admit, she recognized there was some truth to his words.
She glanced at the ground, biting her lip, hearing Tanjirou fuss by her side when she didn't give him a sign of an upcoming answer.
"I'm sorry for asking you that, Kanao!", he apologized frantically, regret plaguing his voice. "I shouldn't have said something like that so suddenly, I'm so sorry-"
"I don't think it's that", Kanao whispered, so abruptly that even herself was caught in surprise.
Tanjirou took a couple of seconds to respond.
"What?"
"What you said", she clarified, her voice small and shy as she peered at Tanjirou's quizzical frown. "I don't think it comes to that"
" Ah ", and he didn't say anything else, staring at his own painting, a badly drawn boar that had a head too big for its body.
Minutes passed. How many, Kanao lost count, but there was a tense silence that had installed itself between the two of them as both struggled to find the right words to say in such situation. She picked up another brush, staring at the rain at the other side of the classroom's large windows. That layer of hazy grey still continued from earlier in the morning, darkening the outside in such a way that the lights had to be turned on. It felt like it was evening, and that was confusing, because Kanao had that nagging feeling of wrongness joining the already existent turmoil in her chest.
Everything felt the same - Uzui-sensei's voice boomed through the classroom, over the several conversations that decorated the ambient, concentrated in several points behind the canvas disposed in a circle. He was engaged in a heated discussion with a fumming Inosuke at the other side of the classroom, and both of their voices filled the room with lively noise. It was like any other morning, but outside, rain poured so heavily against the windows, turning day into night, that Kanao sensed there was something off , something she couldn’t quite place or name but that she knew was there.
It was almost ironic, how that reflected herself that day.
"You're doing that again, Kanao"
Kanao averted her gaze from the pouring rain to glance at Tanjirou, brow furrowed.
"Doing… what?", she puzzled, tilting her head to the side.
"Burying your feelings", he clarified, and there was a hint of disappointment in his voice that made Kanao shrink in shame. "You've come so far since we met, and it makes me happy that you're trying to be more honest about them", he paused, thoughtful, and raised his paintbrush to add a shade of purple to the butterfly on Kanao's canvas. "Feelings are complicated most of the time, and I suppose it must be really scary for you, but I do think you should listen to that little voice in your heart"
Kanao accompanied Tanjirou's brush gently stroke the butterfly's right wing with a light tone of blue.
"Maybe love is too much of a strong word to describe what you're feeling for now, but you still need to be honest with yourself", he brought the wooden tip of the brush to his lips, biting it absentmindedly, admiring his work. "Kanroji-san said to me once that feelings such as these can't be ignored, because they're going to increase in such a way that actually feels painful"
Kanao blinked, glancing at him with an almost horrified expression. Tanjirou chuckled, not fazed in the slightest.
"Kanroji-san knows a lot about this stuff", he affirmed, turning his head to finally glance at her. "And I agree with her. When you feel that way about someone, Kanao, it's something special- and even if it terrifies you, it also isn't something you should run from"
Kanao frowned, glancing away from Tanjirou's burning eyes - his gaze felt disconcerting, and her heart felt heavy, swimming in guilty realization as she absorbed the words he had kindly offered her.
Ah, she supposed he was right. She was terrified, and that was the raw truth - because feelings were such a new concept to her, and it hadn't been long since she started placing additional effort in comprehending and confronting them. Kanao was relieved that, at least, she had been able to return the kindness that Kanae and Shinobu-neesan had showered her with the moment she was taken under their wing.
And Kanao figured, surprising herself, that it was that comforting affection she felt towards her older sisters that she would call love.
But Nezuko- Nezuko was something else entirely, and Kanao wasn't completely sure how she should place such confusing feelings - that fuzzy sensation that creeped her chest, made it warm, hot, caused her stomach to twist and curl upon itself in an anxious urge for something Kanao couldn't quite name. It scared her, that she didn't know - she had spent a long time not knowing anything, not experiencing a single trace of feeling and sensations because at the time, feelings meant tears, anger and pain.
Yet, it didn't even come close to that. It wasn't something as wicked and horrifying, because Nezuko just wasn't that - she was kind and determined and everything that Kanao had learned to like over the course of the years.
Kanao was scared because she felt something , and she couldn't tell what exactly it was.
She glanced up to meet Tanjirou's inquiring eyes, soft red waiting patiently for her response, never demanding. However, it wasn't quite what Kanao's heart was urgently craving - a different pair of burgundy eyes, with a different intensity to them.
Tanjirou tilted his head to the side, his face frowning with worry, and it was when Kanao noticed tears that prickled the corner of her eyes, shy and unsure yet menacing to fall.
"I don't know what to do", she faltered, her voice so small and vulnerable it was barely a whisper.
Tanjirou reached for her hand. His own hand was hard, calloused, but it was warm and strong and unsurprisingly reassuring. He smiled, soft, and there wasn't a trace of condescension that Kanao could identify. If it was someone else, she might have been overwhelmed - but it was Tanjirou that was smiling tightly at her, and it calmed her that he believed in her own strength when she was feeling so helplessly weak .
"It's alright", he assured, red eyes gentle. "You don't need to". And, upon noticing a sudden movement in the edge of her vision, she glanced down to find Tanjirou offering her the paintbrush she had dropped earlier. "We never really know what to do when we feel so strongly about someone. I think it's less about what you think you should do, and more about what you want to do"
Kanao stared at him, stunned realization decorating her face. Tanjirou's eyes glistened.
"What do you want to do, Kanao?"
She took a moment to respond. She was flattered, really, at how much faith Tanjirou put in her - it wasn't something entirely surprising, coming from him, but she was grateful for it anyway. And it was with the intensity he was looking at her expectantly that she found the confidence - still weak and so small, because it was something completely new to Kanao - to retrieve the paintbrush from his hand.
She brought the object, its tip dirty with blue ink, close to her chest - she had that habit, of fidgeting with anything that was in her hands, because it comforted her and soothed her indecisive thoughts.
Tanjirou had said to her, genuine as he was, many months ago - 'You should listen to the voice in your heart' - and that had been the first push Kanao had needed to start the long, arduous process of deconstructing the walls blocking her heart. She doubted, thinking back on the occasion, that Tanjirou had truly intended for his words to arouse such change in her - his kindness was honest, innocent, and he frequently didn't realize the impact his strong resolve had on other people.
Kanao just never thought that his words, so old but still so precious to her, would return to her aid in another, different occasion. And it was funny, when she stopped for a moment to ponder on the situation, how similarly lost she felt both times.
However, what Tanjirou had just inquired of her would have been impossible back then, because that was a time when Kanao hadn't been able to truly choose or think for herself - she would have probably deadpanned, expression deprived of emotions, that there wasn't such thing that really mattered to her to the point she would crave for something.
And it was just then, tightening her hold around the paintbrush and staring intently into Tanjirou's patient red eyes, that she realized just how much progress she had made since that conversation, so long ago.
She smiled, teary-eyed and heartfelt, relieved , because that first step she had given had actually taken her somewhere.
It was simple as that. Kanao craved something , a desire she could barely contain within herself, and although she still wasn't sure exactly what it was, she was certain of one thing - and there weren't many things she was certain of.
That feeling was real and entirely hers .
"I…", she frowned, and Tanjirou squeezed her hand, ever encouraging. "I want her "
It was a short, direct sentence, just like how Kanao usually was, but there was much more in those three words than what even herself could comprehend.
Tanjirou smiled, beaming with pride, burgundy eyes shining with contentment and excitement - for her , Kanao realized, since it had been him that had pushed her forward first, when she was too afraid to do so herself.
"Thank you", she whispered, and it still didn't feel like enough, because somehow those two words couldn't possibly comprehend everything that she needed to tell him.
But Tanjirou shook his head, his earrings following the movement with glee, and his hold on her hand tightened, still so gentle, eyeing her with such an honest confused look on his face, as if he didn't understand why exactly Kanao was thanking him .
"But I didn't do anything"
Impossible , Kanao thought. Tanjirou was just like that - too humble to realize how much positive change he aroused in the people he met. If she didn't know him well, she would've guessed that his intentions were something else, entirely different - and she would've perceived, probably, that what he was intending was to not take credit where it wasn't due, because Kanao had risen and walked her own path with her own two feet.
She frowned, turning to her painting when Uzui-sensei approached them to inspect their progress and just then noticing the careful work Tanjirou had done on her canvas during the conversation.
A second butterfly flew closer to the original one - smaller, but seeming to flap its wings with such joy and excitement that Kanao wondered, almost mesmerized, how Tanjirou, with his ugly and disproportional boar, had been able to create such astonishing work in the short span of time they had spent talking.
However, upon a closer inspection, Kanao spotted that only the base colors had been laid out over her original drawing, the addition of the second butterfly starting to create an harmonious dance on the canvas.
Somewhere above her, she heard Uzui-sensei hum in approval.
"Your painting looks very flamboyant!", he exclaimed, a bit too loudly to Kanao's ears. He patted her shoulder, his enormous hands making her knees falter just slightly. "Flamboyant job, Tsuyuri!"
He grinned at her, full of energy, and walked away to the next student with thunderous footsteps, clearly enjoying himself that class.
At her side, Tanjirou chuckled.
Ah, she supposed she had no choice. Raising her brush, she gazed at the full drawing, her eyes squinting to spot just what places she should work on first.
Tentatively, she added a stroke of bright pink to the second butterfly on the canvas. The drawing seemed to stare back at her, the fiery color giving the painting so much more life .
And, as silly as that idea was, Kanao thought her butterfly seemed much less lonely.
In the end, Kanao couldn't bring herself to do it.
Do what , she wasn't sure. But it had been earlier, during lunch, that Nezuko had tapped her shoulder in the hallway that led to the History classroom, red eyes glistening with something that Kanao didn't know if she liked or not - but Nezuko seemed so excited, holding the dress code check clipboard securely in her hands, dark purple hood over her hair. And it was adorable, the way it kept falling over her eyes, that Kanao blinked, her hand half-risen, urging to reach up to brush a lock of black hair away from those burning eyes but unsure if that was acceptable, if it was the correct thing to do at the moment.
"Why do you have that?", she asked instead, an eyebrow raised, paying a little of additional attention to her voice to be certain she didn't sound unnecessarily harsh.
Nezuko smiled, that side smirk drowned in false innocence that indicated just when she was planning on playing around the school rules.
"Tomioka-sensei won't let me wear it", she explained, her voice making it appear as if the gym teacher was being extremely unjust. "So, I took it in my hands to make a much needed change in this stupid dress code"
Kanao couldn't understand just why Nezuko was being so insistent in wearing that hoodie. It was old, the edges of the sleeves worn out, a gift Kanae-neesan had bought her a couple of years before when she had dragged Kanao to go shopping with her, and that she now sometimes used to sleep in during winter.
However, she wasn't one to question Nezuko's wrongdoings, because the way her burgundy eyes shone with the possibility of a little of mischief made Kanao's chest feel tight with that usual warm sensation she couldn't quite place, and there was this small thought, a nagging hope that clung to the edges of her heart that just maybe , there wasn't anything disappropriate about what she desired.
But still, Kanao frowned, inquisitive, reaching to hold onto the edge of one of Nezuko's sleeves in a way that didn't allow actual contact, because Kanao still wasn't sure if that was okay.
"Why don't you wear your coat?", she asked, as if that should've been obvious, yet feeling her heart clench with premature disappointment. "If you're cold, since Tanjirou brought it to you-"
Kanao's words died on her throat, and her line of thought stammered under Nezuko's suddenly serious, piercing gaze - those fiery eyes staring into her own with such intensity that Kanao felt herself shrink, her shoulders tensing with a dread she wasn't sure fit the situation.
But then Nezuko laughed, amused, a melodic sound that washed all of Kanao's misplaced worries away - she felt herself smile too, sheepishly, but relieved nonetheless.
Nezuko grasped Kanao's hand with her own, and her touch was warm, comforting , and sent Kanao's stomach into a storm of those inconvenient butterflies - though it wasn't that much of an uncomfortable feeling, she thought, because there was nothing about Nezuko that came close to being even slightly upsetting.
"Because, Kanao-chan, this is yours ", she stated, smiling with so much delight . "It's like having a piece of you wherever I go"
Kanao felt a blush slowly cover her cheeks, her chest almost hurting with the intensity her heart beat against her ribcage.
" Oh", she murmured in realization, face burning, and she averted her gaze to the wall besides her.
Nezuko giggled at her shy antics, and it was such a beautiful sound, Kanao couldn't resist peering over her embarrassment to glance at her.
Suddenly, Tanjirou's words from a couple of hours earlier resonated in her mind.
"Ah, Kanao-chan, you're so cute when you're flustered like that", Nezuko quipped, passing one arm around Kanao's middle without ever separating their joined hands. "You're already so warm on your own, though, it's no wonder this hoodie is as comfortable as it is"
Kanao's heart hammered against her ribs, her face burning with such intensity she could feel a few droplets of sweat dripping from her forehead. Nezuko looked up at her, burgundy eyes glistening with joy, smiling contently in the comfort of Kanao's body warmth.
And, as simple as that could be, Kanao felt the sudden urge of kissing her.
Oh , she thought, stunned, sensing her face heat beyond what she deemed possible, because she never saw such desire coming to her - and it was as innocent as it could be, but Kanao wasn't sure if that would be appropriate. Deep down, she was still afraid that one wrong movement could destroy everything that she already cherished, and found out that she'd rather die than lose something so precious, that made her feel such warmth and happiness .
It would be so simple, though, for her to lean down and press their lips together, when they were so close . But Kanao just couldn't, because she was still too hesitant, too frightened to properly act on that urge.
So, instead, she raised her free hand, that had been awkwardly resting by her side, too unsure of what to do and, with much care, placed it atop Nezuko's head, gently stroking her hair down to where black met orange.
It was nice, the quiet, the way Nezuko snuggled closer to her as Kanao kept gently brushing her hair, humming in content. And Kanao smiled, because even though she craved for more , she was quite satisfied with that, for now.
"Y-You can keep it, if you want", she whispered, low and unsure, her heartbeat thundering in her ears.
"Hm?", Nezuko mumbled, not making an ounce of movement to distance herself from Kanao's embrace.
"The hoodie", Kanao clarified, her gaze fixated on a spot of the wall a few meters down the hallway. "If you- if you like it so much, you can keep it"
"Oh", she heard Nezuko murmur in surprise, and Kanao peered down at her for a split second to find a bright smile directed just at her. "Thank you, Kanao-chan! You're too nice"
Maybe , Kanao thought, feeling a warm joy she was sure she had never experienced before as she glanced down, mesmerized, at Nezuko's soft, beaming, beautiful face, her chin resting promptly against Kanao's chest.
Perhaps Tanjirou was right. Maybe that was love, and Kanao herself was surprised that such possibility didn't scare her at all.