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Kit was packing the backpack. He and Ty would face the first mission alone the next day. It was not a dangerous mission (how save the world, avert a war, circumvent the parabatai bond...), it was a simple exploratory mission. Kit and Ty would explore the caves that ran under the beach in Los Angeles; to make sure Malcolm didn't build any more coves, and to see if the tunnels could come in handy for shadowhunters in patrols.

He was uncertain about what to bring: a change of normal clothes, or uniform? Tissues? How many pieces of underwear? The patterned or the plain ones?

Kit sat down on the bed, putting his hands in his hair, desperate. Moreover, lately his relationship with Ty had become strange, since when, a few months earlier, on Christmas Day, they had kissed. They weren't a couple, at least that's what Kit believed. Nevertheless, they continued to kiss and act as if they were ones. At first, it was Ty who started every approach; when they watched movies in one of their rooms, for example, it was almost inevitable that they would end up making out like two teenagers... which they actually were. And things were getting worse: for a few weeks now, Ty had decided to go further than mere kisses, and he was making it clear. His hands no longer were limited to caresses over the clothes, to ruffle his hair; now they had gone further: Ty's long fingers slipped more often under Kit's shirt, causing him to sigh and shudder in ways he wouldn't believe possible. Then, a couple of days earlier, Ty had taken his hand in uncharted territory. And Kit couldn't stand the uncertainty anymore.

They were in their pajamas, lying on Ty's bed. Ty had taken Kit's shirt off, and he had taken his off too: they were chest to chest, Kit's hands we shyly massaging the muscles of Ty's back, and he was stroking his chest until the lost Herondale had felt the other boy hands come lower and lower, until he caressed the strip of blonde hair under the navel. Then, almost suddenly, he felt Ty's hand caress him from above his boxers. For a few moments he had been paralyzed on the spot, then he had rushed out of bed, straight into his room. He and Ty haven't spoken to each other since.

Okay, okay, maybe it was Kit who avoided Ty in every possible way. And maybe Kit had to admit that he missed the other guy, and that seeing his hurt look every time he decided to train with Dru or Emma killed him.

The point wasn’t that he didn't feel anything about Ty, or that he didn't like what they were doing, or that he didn't feel ready for something like that. The problem was the exact opposite: he felt something for Ty- something that took his breath away every time at the mere thought of the other - he loved what they were doing (he was a teenager, and his hormones were crazy) and he was more than ready to have sex with Ty. Here's the point: sex.

What were he and Ty? Were they together? Weren't they together? Was all that just an experiment for Ty, or did he have the same feelings for Kit? If they had sexual intercourse, would it have been "making love" or "having sex"? Kit was ardently hoping it wasn't the latter. He didn't want him and Ty to do something like that only to discover that Ty's was just a teenage curiosity and that he didn't really feel anything about him; such a thing would break his heart.

The door of his room suddenly opened, as in one of those 80’s sit-coms, bringing Jace Herondale into all his Herondalestic glory. By his comparison Kit felt so much like a bad copy; like those Pinterest pictures where there is a beautiful cake, and near it a horrible version of the same cake made by some principiant pastry chef.

<< Hey Kit, what's up? >> asked him, perhaps expecting to be told that Kit life was all roses and flowers like him.

<< A shit, thank you. >>

<< Oh, well, because... wait, did you just said shit? >>

<< Do you know when it all goes wrong? Like that. >> Kit said, hoping Jace would leave him alone with his pain.

<< I don't think I understand. >> said Jace, scratching his chin, with an expression that reminded Kit so much of Jon Snow:

<< I thought you'd leave tomorrow for your first mission. >>

<< Precisely. >> answered him lapidary. Jace lit up.

<< Oh, I get it! >>

<< You're nervous! It's normal, everyone is at their first... >>

<< I'm not nervous, okay? It's just an exploratory mission, it would take only a couple of days. If all goes well, we won't meet a demon of the size of a sardine. >>

<< Exactly! You have nothing to worry about, and then, you're with Ty!>> Kit must have made a strange face at Ty's mention, or Jace was the blonde, smiling version of Derek Hale and had sniffed his emotions, because he lit up again (almost literally, damn, that guy could be a night-time lamp) and made a grin, amused.

<< Oooh, I understand... >> Jace sat next to Kit on the mattress:

<< Trouble in paradise? Did you have a fight? >>

<< NO! It's personal. >>

<< Oh, but you can tell it all to old Jace... >> protested the oldest, with theatrical tone:

<< Come on, tell Grandpa Jace what afflicts your young little head. >>

<< My grandfather is dead, and he didn’t, his name definitely wasn't Jace. >>

<< Come on Kit Kat, you know what I mean. Tell me everything. >>

<< It's long and complicated. It's going to take a while. >> Kit said, hoping to get him to leave the company.

<< You leave tomorrow morning, and I'm staying for dinner... I don't think it's going to take you that long. >> Kit sighed.

He had the impression that despite his protests Jace would not give up for any reason. So, he told him everything.

------------------------------------------------

It was Christmas Day, and it was a special occasion.

It was the first Christmas in five long years that Helen, Aline, and Mark spent with their family, at home. It was the first Christmas Kit, Kieran and Cristina spent with the Blackthorns. And it was the first Christmas without Livvy.

Kit had knocked on Ty's door that morning, holding his breath, anxious to know if Ty would come downstairs, or stay in his room all day, like he did at his birthday, a few months earlier. He sighed in relief as the door opened, revealing Ty wearing one of those ridiculous Christmas sweaters that Emma had forced the whole family to wear. At least Ty's one was sober: it was green and red with a reindeer fantasy. The one that Kit wore had was always reindeer-themed, but he had only one of them, in front, with a ridiculous Santa’s hat and a red nose made by a pompom.

<< Why is your sweater less ridiculous than mine? >> whimpered:

<< Because I accompanied Emma to pick them up and I chose it. And anyway, you should thank me, at first she wanted to buy you one with a strass elf with a pointed-eared hairband attached. >> Kit shuddered at the thought:

<< I suppose I owe you a huge favor, then. >>

<< That's right. >> answered Ty, smiling. Kit smiled in turn, glad that his best friend didn't want to lock himself in the room to brood over his pain alone.

<< Come on, come on, Lightwoods and Herondales will be here at any minute. I don't want to miss Kieran playing with Max! >> exclaimed Dru, who arrived at that moment, pulling Kit by the arm:

<< They are too cute! >> When Julian announced that they would be hosting the Herondales, Lightwoods, Garroways, and Lovelaces at Christmas dinner, Kit had expected to spend the whole day in a corner, because despite his time with the Blackthorns he still felt a bit out of it. place in the world of Shadowhunters. Instead, he had spent much of the lunch chatting with Simon Lovelace, so much so that Izzy, his new wife (six months pregnant), had commented:

<< If it wasn't for age, I'd say that Jace and Simon had a child... >>.

They had mostly talked about TV series ("But did you see Jon and Daenerys?" "Sure, and who expected it?"), how much the shadowhunters were lost not to exploit mundane technology and how stressful it was to make a joke that even the most muggle mundane would understand and have to explain it with complicated premises and digressions. In no time at all, the evening had arrived, and the guests had returned home, much to Kieran and Max's chagrin.

As they climbed into their bedrooms to put on their pajamas and go into the living room to open presents, Kit heard Kieran ask Mark: << Why don’t we make a baby? >> Mark remained silent for a few moments, then began to stutter, confused.

Before the Blackthorns, the gifts Kit had received (only from his father) were gifts of necessity: a pair of new shoes, a set of brushes for art class, when he went to school, a tuxedo (as if he could actually use it, he had remained practically unused until it had gone out of size) or an envelope with some money.

Instead, that Christmas he had received the most disparate gifts: Julian had given him a subscription to Netflix (<< So you'll stop pirated on TV series risking to infect the computer! >>), Emma had given him a swimsuit with pineapples, Dru the book of Shining, Cristina a dwarf cactus named Pablo, Helen and Aline a shaving set (<< But I don't have a beard! >> << Believe me, you'll need it. >>), Tavvy a finger-drawn drawing, Diana (who was on vacation on some remote Thailandian island with Gwyn, a knife), and Mark and Kieran have two pairs of boxers with embarrassingly/funny writing.

Ty, on the other hand, had surprised him most of all: when he discarded his gift, he had found in his hand a blue collar with a bone-shaped tag.

<< Ehm... what should I need it for? >>

<< But to identify your dog, isn't it obvious? >>

<< My what? >> Kit had always wanted a dog: when he was little he had one, but he had died of old age when he was eight years old. He hadn't had time to hear Ty's response, because he had found in his arms a ball of fur that had started licking his face.

If Kit wasn't expecting such a gift, Ty expected even less of his: a laptop. Kit had toured all the electronics stores to find one he could afford to buy for Ty after he saw how the latter looked at his. It was nothing special, it was a remanufactured one, but Ty was thrilled. Kit wouldn't be surprised if he jumped into his arms and started licking his face as the puppy had done just a few minutes before.

When it was time to go to bed Kit asked Ty to join him in his room. He retrieved a packet from under the bed, under Ty's watchful gaze, sitting on his bed, caressing the little dog carelessly.

<< This I thought I'd give it to you for your birthday, but... >>

<< I didn't want birthday gifts. >>

<< I know, but I wanted to make one anyway... please, open it. Julian helped me prepare it... I hope you don't mind. >>

As Ty discarded the pack, Kit bit his lower lip, while suddenly a thousand doubts were raised. It was quite personal, and maybe Ty wouldn't have liked it.

<< Oh. >>

Kit looked up, and watched Ty browse the photo album. Kit had asked Julian to collect all the photos of Ty and Livvy, and together they had prepared that album. The first photo was taken at the birth of the twins: the two children were in the arms of Andrew Blackthorn, sitting next to his wife in one of the beds of the Infirmary. The last one was the only photo Ty and Livvy had taken with Kit. Ty's cheeks were wet at the end of the album, and Kit thought maybe he had gone too far:

<< I'm sorry if I exaggerated, it's that I thought maybe you'd like it... >> Ty continued to cry, and Kit knelt before him, worried:

<< Ty? >> The boy took him by the shirt of his pajamas and pressed his lips against his.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

<< And that's it. >>

Jace remained silent for a few minutes, thoughtfully:

<< So, let me understand... The guy you're madly in love with wants to have sex with you, and you want to do it too, but you don't want to do it because you don't know how it feels for you? >>

<< That's right. I don't want it to be just sex. >>

<< Have you ever thought, I don’t know... to ask him if he feels what you feel too? >>

<< I'm afraid to scare him... >> replied Kit, lying on the bed:

<< And then I don't want things to get weird between us if he doesn't feel the same... I still want him next as a friend. >>

<< Yeah, because having sex with your best friend doesn't make things weird... >> Jace said:

<< And here I thought you were together... >>

<< Why this idea? >>

<< Well, Emma told Clary that you and Ty were always weird around each other and popping up together from one of your rooms with your hair ruffled and bruises on your neck... >>

<< Why can’t Emma mind her own business? >>

<< Oh, come on, don't blame poor Emma... >> Jace sighed:

<< And now, what do I do with this stuff? >>

<< What stuff? >> Jace placed a packed plastic bag on his stomach.

Kit sat down on the bed again and opened it, then blushed:

<< Condoms and lube? >> exclaimed:

<< And what should I do with it? >>

<< You know how gay sex works, don't you? >>

<< Yeah, sure, thank you very much. >>

<< Good >> Jace sigh in relief:

<< I should have asked Alec to help me otherwise. >> Kit meanwhile had rummaged a little in the bag:

<< Mango flavored lube? >>

<< Yes, and is specifically made for anal use... >>

<< OHMYGOD Jace! Please! I can't believe it! Don’t tell me you go to a shop asking which lubricants are best for... >>

<< For you, this and more, mini-me! >> Kit uttered an exasperated verse as he fell back on to the bed.

<< I hate my life!! >>

<< May I know why you brought me this stuff? >>

<< Well, you need to know that there is a legend about the Herondales and the caves; and I know from personal experience that it is true.

<< Clary and I did it in a cave and, as far as I know, Will and Tessa did it too. Now I thought it was going to happen to you, too. Instead, apparently... nothing. What a pity. >>

Kit hoped not to be blushed.

<< My first time won't be in a cave! >> protested.

<< They all say so... >> Kit snorted and stood up.

<< My first time won't be in a cave, and it won't be tomorrow with Ty. Thanks for the thought, but I don't think I'm going to need this stuff. >>

_______________

<< OK, do you have the stele? >>

<< Yes, Julian. >>

<< Get another one, for safety. In fact, no, better two. What the hell am I saying... take them all. >> exclaimed Julian, throwing all the steles jar in Ty's backpack.

<< Julian I'll be away for one night... two maximum. Can you tell me what you think is going to happen? >>

<< What if you lose the stele and then get hurt? Oh, God, Kit learned how to trace healing and transfusion runes, didn't he? >>

<< Yes, and he is doing it great. >>

<< I should come with you. I can't let you go alone. What if you get lost? Here, I’m going to the room and in five minutes I pack, and I accompany you. >>

Julian got up from Ty’s bed and walked to the door, as he thought about what was best to bring.

<< Julian. You can't come with me and Kit. >> said Ty in a firm voice:

<< We'll do just fine on our own. >>

<< But you're too young to go on a mission alone. >> objected the older.

<< I'm 16, Jules. >>

Julian looked at Ty, standing in front of him with the firm expression. He felt the air come out of his lungs altogether, while the realization of what Ty said struck him. Ty was sixteen. He would have liked to curl up on the floor in a fetal position crying. Ty, his little, innocent, sweet Ty was sixteen years old.

He looked at him, really looked at him, perhaps for the first time in six years, and realized how much he had grown. He was tall. Mom always said her sons would be tall. Even Dad used to say, "Your brother will be tall, Julian. Maybe even taller than you." And it was true: although Julian was tall (he was taller even than Mark, which he didn't forgive), Ty was taller. Not excessively, only about ten centimeters at most. It was as if Ty had suddenly gone from being the ten-year-old little boy to the young man in front of him in a blink of an hour. When had the voice changed? When had he changed his white voice into the deep voice he had now?

<< Ty... >> he didn't even realize that he had moved: within a split second, he had pulled his little brother (was it still fair to call him that?) in an embrace, heedless of the initial protest of the other.

<< Jules? Why are you crying? I don't understand. >> Julian looks at Ty's face.

It was still his face, but it was different. He was more masculine, more manly. More adult. In no time at all, he should have taught him how to shave.

<< You're 16. I hadn't realized it until now. >> he said, simply. The room fell into silence.

<< Excuse me. >> said Julian after a while:

<< It's like I keep seeing you as the child you were, maybe I can't accept that soon you won't need me anymore. >>

<< And so, it's easier for you to pretend that I'm not growing up. >> Julian smiled: Ty sometimes couldn't understand certain human behaviors, others stunned him, because he understood them better than anyone else.

<< Do you want a hand with your backpack, or do you do it yourself? >>

<< I would like you to help me pull out all the steles that you've turned in... >>

While helping Ty pack, Julian reflected.

There was one thing he had to do, as an adult of the situation... there was one thing parents did with their teenage children... but what was it? The beard? Yes, he knew that, since he had to learn alone. Well, more or less: he was sitting on the bathroom sink, at the age of ten, watching his father teach Mark (as if he needed it, he still didn't grow a p.m. on his face, thanks to fairy blood) and something he remembered. That didn't save him from risking a cheek, though.

No, no, it was more important. Something that, if not caught in time, could upset Ty. Something fundamental, something his parents couldn't do with him... It was Ty who reminded him.

<< Julian? >> asked:

<< How do you know if you are with a person? >>

<< What do you mean? >>

<< A while ago you said that two people who are together kiss and make love. I did as you said, but... I think I've done something wrong. >>

Julian fooled himself.

Of course, that's what he forgot! The speech. They had dealt with the subject, long ago, but very superficially. Julian himself, then, was not based on the... direct experience. He hadn't delved that much. And the only sex talk he ever got was an awkward chat with Mark a few days before they kidnapped him. Then thinking about kissing someone (girl or boy, he was indifferent) sucked him; let's imagine what Mark suggested!

<< Well... >> behold, what was he supposed to say?

<< You and this other person talked about it? >> OK, let's start with the easy questions.

<< No. Should we? >>

<< Of course, you had to, Ty!>>

<< You didn't say it, though. You said things were going to happen naturally, that I didn't have to worry. >>

Julian fooled himself. Again. What kind of advice was that?

<< Ty, don’t worry, it's not your fault. I was wrong to tell you that. I should have explained myself better. >> he said, stroking his arms softly, to calm him down.

What happened because of him? What had this guy done to Ty? How could he take advantage of him like that?

<< Who is the other person, Ty? >>

<< Kit. >>

<< What did he do to you? Did he touch you? He forced you to do something you didn't want? You said no, and he...... >>

<< No! He didn't do anything! >> I'll enter Ty:

<< It was all me. >>

<< Ty, whatever he told you, it's not your fault. If you've been forced to, it's not your fault. >>

<< Didn't force me to do anything! I did everything. >>

And so, she told him about the kiss at Christmas, started by him, and the subsequent ones, always started by him. And the episode of the previous week.

<< He doesn't talk to me anymore, and I don't understand why >>

Julian was shocked: he couldn't believe Ty had managed to make all that mess without him not knowing. And it was largely his fault. If he had told him right away, clear and round, how things worked, he would now have a happy and happy brother. Because it was clear where the catch was. Ty loved Kit. And Kit loved Ty. But one of them didn't know.

<< The thing that confuses me the most is that Kit wanted it... you know, he was aroused, and then he ran away like this. >>

Julian wanted to laugh. It felt like the plot of a bad Christmas movie. And he, who had already thought of calling the squad from Law & Order Special Victims Unit!

<< Oh, Ty!>> Julian smiled:

<< I think I understood what happened. >>

<< You and he hadn’t spoken, do you? >> asked him:

<< After the kiss, at Christmas. Did you say to each other you were together? >>

<< No. I thought we didn't need to say anything.  >>

<< Ty, I didn't tell you, then, and I'm sorry; but usually, when you're in love and you want to be with someone, you tell how you feeling to this person, and if she reciprocates it does it too. Or he. You know, there's nothing wrong with them not being a she... >>

<< Jules, I know there's nothing wrong with being gay. >>

Ty told him, interrupting Julian's stream of words:

<< But why didn't you tell me right away? >> Julian sighed:

<< It wasn't a good time in that field for me, and I was trying to hide what I was feeling. Telling you to talk about your feelings wasn't easy. And then I thought I had time to do it better. >>

Ty nodded:

<< It doesn't make sense, but I think I understand. >>

<< And now what do I do with Kit? >> asked him, after a few moments of reflection:

<< I think you can use this mission to your advantage. You're going to have to talk, right? Start from the beginning. Tell him how you feel about him. Be honest, tell him how you feel when you're with him, and when he's not there. >>

<< Should I tell him that if he's there I could give a speech in front of the entire Conclave? And that this period without him was like crossing the desert without a drop of water? >>

<< Yes. >>

<< I think I'm in love with Kit. That's it, isn't it? I'm in love with Kit. >>

<< Yes >> said Julian again:

<< You're in love with Kit. >> Ty smiled:

<< I'm in love with Kit Herondale. >> he exclaimed, with more conviction:

<< Is it normal for me to want to run down the street and scream it at everyone I meet? >> Julian laughed:

<< Yes >> he answered him, ruffing his hair:

<< But for the moment I recommend you say it only to the person directly involved. >>

------------------

The next day, at half-past five a.m., they were all gathered in the entrance of the Institute, to greet Kit and Ty, the only ones who were not wearing pajamas. Emma punched Kit:

<< Don't worry! There's nothing a Herondale can't do! >>

Kit who, despite what he had said to Jace the night before, felt like he was dying of nervousness (he urgently needed to pee, but had been in the bathroom not even three minutes before), he comforted himself a little. Consolation that vanished in a few seconds, because Julian commented:

<< Well, he can't even draw a tree and can't learn the demoniac languages. >> Emma glanced at him.

<< Despite this, you're cool! >>

Ty was nervous, too, but for a different reason. What if Kit didn't reciprocate? What if he scared him with his behavior? Julian's reassuring look calmed him a little. If that's okay, I've solved the problem; if it goes wrong, I can't be worse off than the current situation, can it? He said to himself.

--------------

Going down to the caves was the hardest part.

Once there, it was just a matter of walking.

Ty kept thinking about how to start the talk. Kit, I'm in love with you. No, too direct. You know, Julian and I were talking yesterday and... no, what did Julian have to do with all this? He was pretty sure that naming his protective older brother would kill the romance. Maybe he should have started apologizing for taking it for granted that they were together?

<< Bloody hell! It's cold down here! >> exclaimed Kit, clapping his teeth:

<< Damn! I even forgot my windbreaker! Congratulations for another brilliant stunt Kit, really, congratulations. >>

The last part said it softly, but Ty heard it clearly. He watched the other boy tremble, wearing uniform pants and a light cotton t-shirt. It wasn't exactly the right choice of clothing for a dark, damp cave. He mentally thanked Julian for being the apprehensive brother he was and retrieved the spare windbreaker from his backpack. He was a little heavier than the ones he was wearing, but Kit was a little more sensitive to the cold, so he imagined it was good for him.

<< Here. I got one more. >>

Kit's expression went from astonished to grateful as he quickly removed his backpack from his shoulders to slip into the garment. He was so trembling that he couldn't close the zipper. Ty, without stopping to think for a moment, took his hands in his own hands and helped him. Then they stood looking at each other, a few inches away.

<< Your hands are frosty. >> said Ty after a while, breaking the silence.

Kit watched him speechlessly as Ty took his hands and warmed them up. He was sure he blushed. Now he felt too hot. But he kept shaking. Maybe he had a fever. Maybe it was demon pox. There was no other explanation. He felt he was going to die any minute. He hoped Jace wouldn't put that bag of condoms on the funeral pyre, "because you're a Herondale, and the Herondales have condoms for every occasion!" He could become a testimonial of well-known brands of condoms. No one would forget them anymore.

<< What are you thinking? >> Asked Ty:

<< I think I have demon pox... >> Ty, obviously unaware of the seriousness of the situation, laughed. Kit felt his heart begin to jump in his chest.

<< You can't have demon pox. >> said, Ty.

<< Oh, what a relief! For a moment I really believed I was going to die. Think what a pity, the life of this young Herondale so tragically and prematurely broken. Jace wouldn't have survived the shock. He would go to the park, catch ducks and sacrifice them to Super Brother Zacharias. >>

Ty stared at him for a few moments, then burst out laughing, followed by Kit. Super Brother Zacharias was the nickname that the two of them, Dru and Lily Chen had given Jem, to his great embarrassment. Simon and Kit had also tried to convince Clary or Julian to help them draw a graphic novel about him and "his trusty sidekick Church". Tessa had yet to decide whether to find it funny or offensive. Emma, on the other hand, had rushed to buy little clothes and hats for Church, because he was "undercover." Church didn't like it at all.

<< Super Brother Zacharias ready for action, save the day! >> exclaimed Kit, laughing.

Within minutes they had managed to come back and joke like they used to. For Ty, Kit's laugh was like drinking a cup of hot chocolate after a day in the snow. Laughing and joking they continued to explore the cave.

They stopped for lunch when Kit's watch ticked, and then they continued to go into the tunnels.

In the late afternoon, they arrived in an underground cave that was larger and damper than the others. But instead of being cold it was hot, so much so that within a few minutes the two had to take off their vests. In the middle of the cave was a pool of steaming water. Ty dipped in a hand, finding it pleasantly warm. He watched Kit watch a stalactite come down from the ceiling to a few inches from a stalagmite. He had his cheeks reddened because of the heat, and he had a sudden desire to touch them.

<< We could stop here to sleep. >> he said, trying to suppress that feeling.

<< It's about dinner time, and we could sleep here, as it's warmer than the rest of the tunnels. >> Kit agreed and began unpacking his backpack.

When he opened and unrolled his fluorescent orange sleeping bag (no question, please), the following chain of events broke out: he almost got a shot, froze the blood in his veins, then it boiled with rage, and finally was hit by the most total embarrassment. On the sleeping bag, there were two bottles of lube (including the mango flavored one) and a family-sized package (Kit didn’t even know they existed) of condoms. The whole thing was completed with a note: "I know what you said, but you never know. You don't need to thank me, Jace.”

He' going to kill that guy. For sure. And this time there would be no high-voltage angels or red-haired girls to save him.

<< Kit? All right? >> Kit stuck Jace's little present in his backpack, then gave a pulled smile to Ty.

<< Yes, everything alright. >>

Ty wasn't convinced: Kit looked like someone who had just seen a ghost. And being a Herondale was also possible.

He sighed. He had postponed his speech too much; he had lulled himself into the spontaneity of Kit's jokes all day, for it was known territory. It was easier than exploring a new one, but if he really wanted to work things out with Kit, he had to.

<< Kit. I'd like to talk to you. >>

<< Of what? >>

<< The other night. In my room. And the kiss at Christmas. And all these last few months. >>

Kit swallowed it in a vacuum. Well, now he was going to tell him he tried, but he wasn't gay. Not even a little bit. That he was as straight as... as a... he couldn't think of even a decent comparison at the moment. Well, thanks, but no thanks. He wasn't going to be told he was literally dying behind a person for whom he was just a friend and nothing more.

<< I thought I'd take a bath since the water is hot! >>he exclaimed, getting up.

He ran to the water, taking away all the boxers and slinging himself into the pool, heedless of Ty's calls.

Ty, sitting on his sleeping bag, sighed, feeling that he was about to start crying. Kit was terrified, and he hated him. Maybe he wasn't even gay! He hadn't thought about it until then. Through tears, he hit his backpack, which rolled over Kit's sleeping bag, opening and spilling the contents. Only that wasn't his backpack. Tears immediately stopped filling his eyes. He crawled up to the other sleeping bag and looked closely at what was scattered above. In addition to a new pair of pants and a pair of T-shirts, between a pair of boxers with teddy bears and a chocolate bar, there was an orange tube with a mango drawn on it. Ty wondered what the hell Kit made of a tube of massage oil on a mission when he read a bordered inscription in a cloud of a vibrant blue. "For specific use..." Ty opened his mouth wide, taking the bottle in his hand. That wasn't some massage oil. It was lubricant.

A new determination ignited in Ty's chest. He collected the contents of Kit's backpack (minus the mango lubricant) and put it back in the backpack. He completely opened both sleeping bags and laid them open on each other forming a bedding for two. Then he undressed completely, throwing his clothes to the side. He retrieved the tube and reached Kit into the pool.

Kit had just resurfaced, when he saw Ty enter the water completely naked. It was the first time she'd seen him without clothes. He risked disarticulating his jaw while staring at the other boy's muscular body. He pierced his groin with his eyes and his body reacted without him being able to do anything about it. The wet boxers, which had already stuck to his skin, suddenly became narrower and heavier. He was sure to be pepper-colored (and also to have drool in his mouth).

Then he horrified, noticing what Ty was holding. An orange bottle with a sadly familiar air. He tried to dive as fast as he could, but Ty saw him and stopped him as he entered the water:

<< Don't even think about it, Christopher! Now you and I are talking. >>

<< And about what? >>

<< Of this! >> exclaimed the other, waving the tube.

<< That you rummaged through my backpack? >>

<< I didn't rummage through your backpack, I found it by mistake. >>

<< Rummaging in my backpack! >>

<< I. Didn’t. Rummaged. In. Your. Backpack! >>

<< And how would you find it then? >>

<< I kicked your backpack thinking it was mine, and that flipped over and it popped out this. >> explained Ty:

<< But the point is not this. >>

<< And what would it be then? >> asked Kit, crossing his arms to his chest:

<< Why did you kick the backpack, anyway? >>

<< Because I was frustrated! Because you're driving me crazy! >>

<< I drive you crazy? That should be you! >> screamed the blond.

Is he the one who drive Ty crazy? Him, really? Ty's been experimenting on him for months, and then he was the one who drove Ty crazy?

<< What are you talking about? >> asked Ty.

And at that point Kit couldn't take it anymore, and he blurted out before he could think about it:

<< About the fact that I love you! >>

When he realized what he had just said, he shouted his mouth.

But by now the damage was done.

<< Do you love me? >> muttered Ty, looking him for a few seconds in the eye.

Neither of them had realized it, but in the bickering, they had approached, and now they were less than half a meter away, panting. A fly didn't fly in the cave, even the water seemed to have stopped pouring. Kit swallowed. By now he had lowered his pants (literally). What was the point of continuing to lie?

<< Yes. I love you. >> Ty seemed almost to cling to the lubricant as if he were a lifesaver. << How long? >> << I don't know. Maybe since the beginning. >> Ty began to fidget, starting

to hyperventilate:

<< But why... why... why... >>

<< Ty, calm down, breathe. It's all right. Let's talk about it calmly. Breathe. >>

Ty felt the tears run down the cheek.

<< Why didn't you tell me? >>

<< I was afraid to scare you and ruin our friendship. >>

Ty began to, shaking into the arms of an astonished Kit. He felt his heart on fire. But not in a negative way, like when Livvy died.

<< Ty? Ty, you're making me worry. >> exclaimed Kit, in a frightened voice.

Ty took his face in his hands and whispered: << I love you too >> Kit didn't have time to assimilate those words, because Ty was kissing him.

When he realized, his heart began to lose beats. And when Kit was about to believe he was going to die like this, his heart started beating at triple speed. When the kiss ended Kit started chuckling like he’s drunk, and maybe he really was. Ty also joined in the laughter.

<< But how idiotic are we both? >> Kit asked:

<< I'm autistic and Julian had confused me, what excuse do you have? >>

<< Was I captivated by your beauty? >> Ty was sure that he blushed. Did Kit really think that?

<< Really? >> asked with a small voice, fiddling with a wet blond lock.

Kit nodded: << You made me take a shot when I saw you arrive completely naked. What were you hoping to achieve? >>

<< This >> said Ty, resting a hand on his penis covered by the wet cloth of the boxers.

Kit was still excited.

<< Is it because of the lubricant? >>

<< How did it occur to you to take it on a mission? If Julian had found it, he probably would have thought you'd want to rape me. >>

<< What?! >>

<< I was confused, so I asked him for advice. He misunderstood a little... >>

<< O my God! >> whimpered Kit.

He was dead. Julian would have killed him in his sleep. He would have poisoned the pancakes. He would have attacked by a flock of killer ducks. Worse. He would plot with ducks. They wanted him dead almost as much as Julian; because he knew about their plans to conquer the world. He could already see himself, surrounded by feathered beasts... Oh.

<< Should I torture you until you tell me why you brought the lubricant on a mission? >> asked Ty, doing that movement again with his wrist.

Somehow, he had managed to lower his wet boxers a little and release his erection. He saw Ty's smirk. Damn to him that he had taught him to be diabolical. He kissed away that damn sneer. He began to explore Ty's body with increasing determination, until one of his hands plunged into the water, going further and further down. He opened his eyes (which he didn't even remember closing) to see the reaction on Ty's face when he picked up his erection and began to imitate the other's movements. He flung his mouth wide, and Kit came down to kiss his chin and neck. The black-haired boy suffocated a groan when he began to suck a precise spot between his neck and shoulder.

<< Kit... >> sighed Ty, and Kit could have come just by hearing himself calling that way.

<< Christopher... >> Ty repeats: << St…stop. >>

Kit froze on the spot, lips still on Ty's skin.

<< What's going on? >> asked, worried that he had done something wrong.

The videos on the internet did not show what to do in these cases (he was a teenager, okay? He also looked at certain things, he wasn't a saint!).

<< Did I go too far? >> Ty smiled. How could Julian think that Kit would ever dare hurt him?

<< No, no. >> said, stroking his blonde curls:

<< I just want to know if you want to do this... with me. Right now. We can wait. >> after what he had done for not asking Kit how he felt, he had no intention of moving a muscle without Kit being informed and agreeing.

<< I mean... Do you want to make love to me, Kit? Right now? >>

<< And do you even ask me? >> asked Kit, laughing.

<< Is it a yes? >>

<< Without a shadow of a doubt. >>

<< Then come. >> Ty took Kit by the hand and led him out of the water, toward the sleeping bags.

<< Did you plan everything? >> asked Kit, noticing the sleeping bag lying down.

<< Well, like you. >> retorts Ty, waving the lubricant.

<< Really, I had nothing to do with it. Jace's idea. >> the blonde also retrieved condoms.

<< I suppose I should thank your cousin, then. >>

<< Don't you dare, otherwise your head will rise even more. Besides, who's going to put up with it anymore? >> Ty laughed.

<< Now, however, just talk about Jace. >> murmured, embracing Kit:

<< I agree. >> Ty gave Kit a little nudge and they both lay down in the sleeping bag and kissed.

The black-haired boy interrupted the kiss, to begin to kiss the other's throat, snatching a chuckle from him.

<< Sorry >> chuckled Kit: << Tickle. >>

<< I think you have a hypersensitive neck. >>

<< I'm all hypersensitive. >> retorted the blond, raising and lowering his eyebrows.

<< O my God, Kit! Are you flirting with me? >> << For a while now but thank you for noticing it. >> Ty burst out laughing, collapsing on Kit's body, laying his head on his chest, where he could feel his heart beating against his cheek.

<< I could stay like this forever. >> whispered Ty.

<< Me too, but I have a rather annoying erection in the middle of my legs. Provoked by you, by the way. >>

<< Are you trying to make me feel guilty? >>

<< A little, does it work? >>

<< No. But I'm going to settle for you anyway. >>

There were no other interruptions this time. Kit let Ty dictate the pace, knowing how important it was for him to be in control of the situation. And then, now that the time had come, he was nervous and awkward. He had no idea what to do with his hands. And he was afraid to make strange sounds. Is it going to hurt?

<< Kit... >> murmured Ty:

<< Relaxed kits. If you want me to stop, just say it.

<< Don't you dare to stop! >> objected to the blond, looking at him earnestly.

<< Then relax. >> repeats Ty, kneeling between Kit's legs to retrieve the lubricant and a condom. Kit took a deep breath.

<< Do you want to top? >> asked Ty, fiddling with the lubricant cap.

<< What do you want? It's the same for me. >> told him Kit: he was really indifferent to him, but he knew that for Ty it made a huge difference.

<< Are you quieter to top? >> Ty bit his lip and nodded, lowering his gaze.

Kit pulled himself up and took his hands in his own:

<< Listen, it doesn't really make any difference to me; if you don't feel ready to bottom, I'm fine with being it until you feel like it, okay? >>

<< Really? >>

<< Yes... Actually, I didn't even think about it. If I imagined our first time, you were always on top. >>

<< And if... >> piled Ty:

<< What if I never felt ready to switch? >>

<< I'd be fine anyway. I'll be glad if you're happy and quiet. There's nothing that breaks my heart like seeing you sad or scared. >> Ty smiled and kissed Kit.

<< I love you. >>

<< I more. >>

<< Impossible. >> simply retorted Ty.

<< Get on your stomach. >> he then instructed him:

<< I read somewhere that it hurts less like that. >> Kit obeyed, feeling his heart beating fast.

He heard Ty uncork the lubricant and opened the condom wrap. He squeaked when he heard something cold and damp pouring into the furrow between his buttocks. He burst out laughing hearing the sound he had emitted, followed by Ty:

<< Sorry, I had to warn you. >> commented on the black-haired boy.

<< Take note for the next time, Sherlock. >>

<< And you keep role-playing games for the next time, Watson. >> Kit laughed, carefree.

<< I have to get you ready, ready? >> Kit nodded.

Ty tried to be as gentle as possible at that stage, especially as Kit struggled to relax. But when they both found the right rhythm, and Kit began to moan his name, he had to bite his lip so as not to lose control.

<< Ty... Ty... I'm ready, please... Go on... >> sighed Kit at some point. Ty stopped.

<< Are you sure? >>

<< Yes yes. Please, Ty... >> Ty spread his fingers, making Kit moan.

He took the condom already opened, and looked at Kit, under him. He stopped. He took a deep breath. After that night, he wouldn't be a virgin anymore. He was not one of those teenagers who can't wait to lose his virginity, as he had always thought that when it happened, he would be with someone he loved and who loved him back. And in fact, it was happening. He loved Kit, and Kit loved him. Who said love is complicated?

<< Ty, is everything all right? >> asked Kit, who watched him over his shoulder:

<< If you want to stop here... >> Ty smiled. He reached out to Kit to kiss his blonde curls.

<< Excuse me. I thought these are our last virgin moments. >> Even Kit smiled:

<< And think I was worried about my first time. >>

<< What am I to you, Kit? I mean, am I your boyfriend? Are we together? >>

<< If you agree too. >> Kit replied.

<< We're together. >> concluded Ty:

<< From now on I am yours and you are mine. Like Watson and Sherlock. >>

<< Like Watson and Sherlock. >> Kit repeats.

<< Then let's do it! >> exclaimed Ty:

<< Stop me if I hurt you. >>

<< Elementary. >>

<< Sherlock has never... >>

<< I know, it was to do a bit of a scene... >> Ty gave him a slight bite on a buttock, and Kit squeaked again.

It turned out that Kit was incredibly vocal. Ty drank every single groan and panting. He risked ending it all too early every time the blonde called him in his hoarse voice, reaching the apex when he shouted his full name. Ty had always hated his name: it was too long and looked like the name of a 19th-century general, but said by Kit as he came, well, he wanted to record it and use it as a ringtone. He didn't even realize he had collapsed on his boyfriend.

Kit stopped him before Ty could move to move, hugging him.

<< Wow. >> muttered the blond.

<< Is that all you can say? >>

<< My brain has become jell... >>

Ty kissed his chest and watched him stare glassily at the ceiling of the cave.

He saw him close his eyes and cover them with one arm, as he snorted:

<< What is it? >> asked him, worried. Maybe he regretted it...

<< Dammit! It eventually happened! >>

<< What? >>

<< I did it in a cave! >> exclaimed:

<< Jace had told me! The Herondales always do it in a cave. >> Kit looked at Ty, and then they both burst out laughing.

<< Are you Herondales made with a copy machine? >>

<< Well genetics never lies! >>

Somewhere in New York:

<< Well, Jace, my dear boy... Well done. >>

<< Did it happen? >>

<< Of course! I will never understand modern relationships, but I must admit that those two are almost as cute as Jem and Tessa. >>

<< Don't tell me you spied on them too!! >>

<< No! Just an innocent peek! Nothing I haven't seen before! >>

<< You didn't have spied on me and Clary, did you? >>

<< Now I have to go, to the next encounter, dear grandson! >>

<< Will! Come back here and answer me! >> Jace yelled. Magnus told him that he and Will were too similar. Damn genetics.