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Nico sobbed as he stared at the test that was lying on the sink in the bathroom. It was laughing at him in Nico’s eyes, this was all his fault. In a fit of anger, he grabbed the test and flung it against the wall before he slumped down on the floor and continued to cry. How was he going to explain this to Vivian? Although he and Vivian were no longer married, he was still living with her for the sake of publicity. No one besides his family and family knew that he was gay and he wanted to stay that way. The only other person who knew that he was gay was Lewis. Lewis who was the father of his baby. He couldn’t tell him. How could he? They had dated on and off for years for Lewis could never understand why Nico wanted to keep quiet about his sexuality and so it never worked out half of the time. Yet, there was something always drawing Nico back to Lewis. He couldn’t stay away from him. That competitive, annoying, arrogant but sweet and kind man. As the tears on Nico’s face dried up, he slowly hauled himself up on his feet and took in some deep breaths. He had to tell Lewis about the baby. Even if he wasn’t sure what was going to happen, he couldn’t lie to him.
Later on in the day, Nico found himself sitting on the couch with his arms around his legs as he rested his chin on his knee, trying to block everything out. He didn’t move or speak when Vivian returned from her day out shopping.
“Hey, why are you sitting like that?” A voice called out.
Nico jumped as he turned to his left and noticed Vivian looking down at him with a concerned expression on her face. She quickly sat beside him as she noticed that Nico’s eyes were clouded with tears.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Why are you upset?” She asked worriedly.
The German’s bottom lip trembled as he tried to keep calm.
“I’m pregnant.” He whispered.
Vivian sighed as Nico began to cry silently so she wrapped her arms around him as they sat in silence. Eventually, Vivian removed her arms as Nico wiped at his face but she refused to look away from him.
“Nico, be honest with me. Lewis is the father isn’t he?” She questioned gently.
The German sniffed and nodded. He looked at her as if he was begging her to make everything alright.
“You have to tell him.” Said Vivian softly.
“I don’t know what to do.” Said Nico quietly.
He almost started crying again when he felt Vivian take a hold of his hand tightly and gazed at him firmly.
“Whatever you do, I’ll be here for you.” She insisted.
That night in bed, Nico watched Vivian as she slept. He knew it was creepy but he couldn’t help but admire how calm and nice she was with him. Even if they weren’t in a proper relationship, she was still a very good friend and it made him determined to tell Lewis about the pregnancy. The determination didn’t last long. The next morning, Nico kept putting it off. He went out shopping in the morning and spent the rest of the afternoon in bed because he was so exhausted. He tried to avoid Vivian as he knew she would force him to call Lewis but he couldn’t do it. By the end of the week, Nico still hadn’t called Lewis. Vivian knew this but felt she could barely do anything except tell him:
“He has the right to know you’re pregnant with his child.”
Even when Nico had finally decided that he was definitely keeping the baby, he couldn’t call Lewis. The Brit would be busy with testing and Nico didn’t really want to disturb him. There was a little voice in his head telling him not to say anything after the way Lewis had treated him but he knew he was being unreasonable and that he was at fault too. He sighed, the longer he left it, the worse it would be. Nico would inevitably hold back from telling Lewis. Everytime he picked up his phone to call him, he would either turn it off or hover his finger over the dial button before eventually bringing up another app. Vivian went with him to the baby scan. He spent half the night before throwing up because he knew that Lewis should go with him but he couldn’t call him. It was his own fault. He didn’t tell Lewis about the pregnancy. The man in question found out when he bumped into Nico after the Monaco Grand Prix.
Nico hadn’t been to any of the races at the start of the season. When the race was due to take place in Monaco, Nico had avoided the public eye like the plague. His first scan had only been a week ago and yet he looked like a balloon in his eyes. He decided to go for a walk late on Sunday night, thinking he would be safe and not have to see any other driver. How wrong he was. He was walking along by the harbour when he saw Lewis walking straight towards him. They both stopped. Frozen. Neither had words, they were both speechless. Lewis couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Nico, he couldn’t remember the last time he had received a text from the German. He looked at the man closely and he could sense there was something different about him. It hit him like a sledgehammer.
“You’re pregnant.” He murmured.
Nico swallowed nervously and nodded.
“3 months.” He informed.
Lewis nodded.
“Congratulations.” He said slowly.
“Thank you. I should say congratulations to you too.” Nico replied bluntly.
He could sense the cogs going in Lewis’ brain. He hadn’t won the race, he had finished 3rd so he wasn’t congratulating him for a podium position. It took Lewis a minute before he finally understood the meaning behind Nico’s words.
“It’s my baby?” He asked in shock.
“Yeah.” Nico replied softly.
Lewis shook his head in disbelief.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He questioned.
Nico swallowed nervously. He had no idea what to say. As he kept on putting it off, he hadn’t actually planned what he would’ve said to Lewis and now he was at a loss.
“After everything that’s happened, how could I?” He whispered.
Lewis looked angry.
“That’s no excuse, Nico. This is our child, our baby. You had no right to keep this from me!” He snapped.
Nico looked furious.
“You don’t deserve to have this child in your life! You don’t get to pick and choose when you want to be with me and when you want to dump me, it’s not fair!” He exclaimed.
“What’s not fair is having to stay quiet! You know who you are, Nico and yet you refuse to admit it.”
“I’m allowed to be scared! We can’t all be as brave as you, Lewis!” Nico shouted.
Lewis and Nico just stared at each other. Nico tried not to cry as he struggled to hold back his emotions. He didn’t want to fight with Lewis. He pulled out his phone and unfolded the baby scan photo that he had kept hidden in the phone case.
“Here.” He said.
He moved closer to Lewis and let the older man take the photo. Lewis looked at the picture in awe before glancing up at Nico.
“You went to the scan and you didn’t call me.” He said impatiently.
The German scoffed.
“We’re not talking about this here. You have no right to tell me what to do. I’ll call you when the baby is born and we’ll go from there.”
He tried to walk away from Lewis but the Brit wasn’t having any of it and grabbed a hold of his arm.
“You don’t get to walk away from this. I want to be a part of this baby’s life, whether you like it or not.” He said, determined.
Nico shrugged Lewis’ arm off.
“I don’t want to fight with you. I’m tired of fighting.” He whispered.
When Lewis didn’t reply, Nico walked away and didn’t look back. He didn’t see Lewis standing in the middle of the harbour just gazing down at the scan.
There was a part of Nico that hated the fact that fate had got involved and a chance meeting had Lewis finding out about the pregnancy. The Brit messaged him every day to see how he was and Nico knew it was only because he was pregnant. Part of him wanted Lewis to really care about him and not just the baby, but he knew after everything, it wouldn’t work out. He refused Lewis’ pleas to go and visit him in London when he had spare weekends in between the F1 races. He refused to tell Lewis when his scans were. Vivian told him it wasn’t fair to keep the driver in the dark when all he wanted was to help Nico with the baby but Nico had an advantage. He didn’t want to play dirty but then after everything that had happened, he figured he could try and avoid Lewis for as long as possible. It had worked out so far.
Things then took a turn. It left Nico cursing the fact that he had tried to control the situation. He began to have contractions early, too early. His child wanted to enter the world. They were probably doing this in revenge for how Nico had treated Lewis. The German was sobbing with Vivian right by his side as he was loaded into the ambulance, 4 weeks too early for his liking.
“It’s going to be alright, it’s going to be alright.” Vivian soothed.
She held onto his hand and let his fingers stroke the blond hair. Nico continued to sob. His child was in danger and it was his fault. By this point, he didn’t care what happened to him. He couldn’t help but think of Lewis. The older man would hate him. He had no idea about Nico’s current situation. It wasn’t until Nico was getting rushed into surgery that he tightened his grip on Vivian’s hand.
“Call Lewis. Please, he has to be here.” He pleaded.
Vivian nodded and seconds later, she was held back as Nico disappeared through double barrelled doors, on his way to have his baby.
It was several hours later when Nico woke up. He felt groggy and dazed. He frowned when he heard the sounds of someone cooing. It wasn’t until he turned to the side that he smiled gently at the sight before him. Lewis was sitting in the seat by Nico’s bedside and he had a baby cradled in his arms wrapped in a warm, white blanket. He was holding their daughter. He tilted his head as he listened to Lewis murmur. He couldn’t actually hear what he was saying but the look of love in his eyes said everything. He tried to shift in the bed and accidentally winced, making Lewis turn his head abruptly to face the German.
“Hey, you’re awake. You need to take it easy, you had surgery a few hours ago.” He said softly.
Nico sighed and settled down against the pillows again. He smiled at Lewis.
“She looks content.” He said gently.
Lewis smiled.
“She’s beautiful.” He said happily.
Both men gazed at their daughter as they sat in silence for a while before Lewis looked up at Nico.
“Do you want to hold her?” He asked.
Nico nodded eagerly and nearly sobbed when his daughter was gently placed into his arms as Lewis sat back down in his seat. The Brit didn’t want to leave and so he was determined to stay as long as possible.
“I’m sorry.” Nico sobbed as he gazed at his daughter.
Lewis frowned.
“What do you have to be sorry about?” He asked softly.
“If I wasn’t acting so stupid, she wouldn’t have been born so early. I wanted to hurt you and I’ve hurt her too.” Nico sniffled.
Lewis sighed deeply.
“You’re such a drama queen.”
Nico looked up at Lewis with tears in his eyes.
“She is completely fine. You can’t blame yourself for that. Some babies are born early. I’m not going to lie, I’m a little annoyed with how you’ve kept me in the dark about the pregnancy but I think it’s understandable.” Lewis explained.
“I’m sorry.” Nico repeated.
Lewis shook his head firmly.
“Don’t apologise. You said back at the harbour all those months ago that you’re tired of fighting. I am too. Perhaps we can call it quits and just focus on our baby girl.” He tried to negotiate.
Nico smiled and nodded. His eyes fell onto the precious bundle in his arms. He had no idea what the future held for him and his daughter and how much Lewis would feature in it but at least they would try and not fight. At least for their daughter.
It was time for a new beginning and Nico was determined to make it work.