Chapter Text
She’s back in the cave on Ahch-To. It’s dark and cold, and she’s not entirely sure how she got here.
When she had fallen asleep, she was curled up in the bed on the Falcon hugging Ben’s tunic tightly to her chest. Now she’s on her knees staring at the mirror she stared into a little more than a year ago.
Turning and standing, she gasps at the sight before her. It’s the same vision of herself that she saw within the ruins of the old Death Star. This vision is still cloaked in black with that double ended saber and a terrifying grin on her cracked lips. The one difference between now and the Death Star is that the vision is cradling Kylo Ren’s cracked helmet in her left hand.
Taking a deep breath, Rey reaches for either Luke or Leia’s saber. There aren’t any sabers to grab off of her belt, she realizes, and her heart stops. Swallowing the large lump in her throat, she asks, “What do you want?” The vision steps closer to her, and she is paralyzed in fear. She has no weapons to defend herself, she is at the location where she faced one of her darkest moments being challenged by the darkest part of herself, and she can’t lean back on Ben after she gets over this.
“You’re nothing. You’re nothing to Ben, to your parents, to Palpatine. You mean nothing,” the vision tells her with a biting lilt to her identical voice. Rey starts hyperventilating. There is no one to help her face this. Leia isn’t here, Luke never was … Ben isn't either.
“Palpatine was lying to you and Ben. You weren’t his granddaughter, you weren’t Sith royalty. You really were nothing.” The vision takes another step closer, and this comment somewhat relieves Rey.
Shrugging, she replies, “Well, that’s good. I’d rather be nothing that one of your kind.”
Her double grins at her with those horrifying teeth and states, “No, you feel the draw to the dark more now than ever.” She takes another step, and Rey steps back because she’s far too close. “It’s okay, let it happen, Rey. Become who you were meant to be.”
Those words were scarily close to Ben’s words that were shared with her on this very planet. She’s beginning to feel irritated with this whole experience. “And just who am I meant to be?” she scoffs bitterly.
The vision raises Kylo Ren’s helmet into the air, and Rey furrows her eyebrows. “Let the past die, Rey,” she says, now adopting this hint of sympathy to her voice. Rey winces at that. How dare this … shadow use Ben’s words against her?
“Scavenger.”
That was … That was Ben’s voice. She stares at this vision of herself for just another second before slowly turning to face the mirror again. This time, there is no mirror.
There is only Ben staring down at her. She breathes shakily as she takes him in. He’s dressed as he was during the days when they first discovered that they were bound by the Force. His hair is greasy and his face is still healing from the scar that she gave him.
Tears brimming her eyes, she reaches up and cups his jaw, her fingers resting on his earlobe. “Ben,” she gasps, and his lips quirk upward.
“We can be together again, scavenger.”
Letting her head rest against his firm chest, she sobs, “You’re dead, Ben. There is no way.”
His gloved hand comes up to cup her chin and pull her face. Her eyes widen as he tells her, “There are ways through the darkside. Just give in.”
This isn’t real. Ben never would have asked her to join the darkside. Even from the beginning, he hadn’t asked her to fall to the darkside. He’d asked her to join him, to be his student.
Quickly yanking her hand away, she takes a step away and accuses, “You’re not Ben.”
Almost instantly, he’s gone. She whips around to find the vision of herself swinging that red saber at her. She dodges it and moves away from this darksider.
“Foolish Rey! Naive Rey! Orphan Rey!” Several times, the vision swings at her, but she dodges every one. “You couldn’t keep your parents happy! You couldn’t make Luke happy! You couldn’t keep Leia and Han happy!” Rey puts a good bit of distance herself and this shadow, and the shadow pauses. Then she grins again and adds, “You couldn’t save Ben. Now he’s dead, and you’re still nothing.”
All Rey sees is red, so she snarls and runs forward. She’s a scavenger of Jakku, has survived fifteen hopeless years on that desert planet. She’s stronger than this stupid nightmare. The vision turns one side of her saberstaff as to not injure herself and holds it in front of her. Rey impales herself on it, but she doesn’t make a sound as it slides through her ribs, just like the saber did when she stabbed Ben with it. Instead, she grabs onto the hilt and flicks the other side back on.
The vision’s dark eyes widen as she is impaled as well. Despite this terrible pain, Rey steps forward and slides the saber farther into the vision’s torso. After a moment of pained silence, the vision breathes, “You will always be nothing, unless you become what you were meant to be.”
Then Rey blinks and she’s back in the bed on the Falcon. She gasps and looks around frantically, searching for any sign of the vision or Ben. In place of the vision and Ben, she finds BB-8 beeping worriedly and Ben’s tunic.
Right … They were on their way to Tatooine to bury the sabers and make herself a new one. Something about that no longer feels right, but nothing really feels right anymore.
Finally, she focuses on BB and murmurs, “BB, I’m alright. I’m good. Everything’s alright.” Once BB is calm, she allows herself to look down at Ben’s tunic.
The only appeal she could see to joining the darkside was the chance to get Ben back. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much appeal to the lightside to combat that. But … Hadn’t she read something in one of the texts about a Grey Jedi?
Keeping the black shirt in her arms, she stands from the bed and goes to the drawer she had tucked the Jedi texts into. Quickly, she finds the book she was thinking of and flips through it to find what she’s looking for. Ah … There … Grey Jedi draw their power from both sides of the Force. It’s what makes up the balance. Maybe … Maybe she can save Ben after all.
BB beeps at her and she looks down at the droid who had been with her at the beginning of her journey. “I think we need to change course,” she admits nervously, and BB rolls back and forth excitedly. Even in this moment of darkness, she chuckles at her little friend. “Yeah, I didn’t want to go to Tatooine all that much either. Too much bad blood there.”
Rey and BB rest for awhile longer. Rey won’t say that she sleeps, because she doesn’t. She stares at the ceiling of the bunk and thinks about how she can actually pull this off. She won’t make this for nothing. The Skywalkers, Organas, and Solos won’t have died in vain. They will live on through the name Solo, and Ben will rise again. She will make sure of it.
When BB whistles at her to signify that they’ve made it through another standard night, she stands and rushes to the cockpit of the Falcon. Finding her commlink that connects her with Finn, she says into it, “Finn, it’s me.”
BB rolls up beside her as Finn quickly responds, “Rey! How are you?”
Lacking any care for formalities, she says, “Is Chewie there? I need to speak to him.” It’s quiet for a moment before she hears Chewie grumble. “Chewie …” For a moment, she freezes.
If she does this, it will be dangerous. She knows it. It will be dangerous because she’s dabbling in the darkside. This has to work, or she’ll fall down a slippery slope. No, it will work. She’ll make sure of it.
“I have to go back to Ahch-To. There’s nothing for me on Tatooine.” Again, it’s quiet. Then Chewie murmurs something about how she shouldn’t be alone on Ahch-To, how she’ll end up just like Luke. “I won’t be alone. I have BB and the caretakers.” He says her name, and she breathes deeply. “I have to do this, Chewie. I … I have to do this.” He tells her that she doesn’t have to do it alone, and a wet laugh slips from her lips.
She’s crying … She hadn’t realized that she was crying. Whatever, she’s fine.
“I just needed to tell you that that’s where I’m going. I’ll bring … I don’t know if I’ll bring the Falcon back. Goodbye, Chewie.” He snarls something, but she doesn’t catch it before she turns the commlink off.
BB beeps at her curiously while she changes the coordinates on the Falcon’s navigational unit and punches it into hyperdrive. “I’m tired of being used for other people’s purposes, BB. It’s time to get what I want,” she whispers, standing and going back to the bed where Ben’s shirt lies.
She only stares at it for a moment before tearing her own tunic off. She slips the black shirt on over her breast band and tugs her brown hair out of its ties. No more waiting for a family that’s dead. No more surviving off of childish hopes.
“Give in, Rey,” she hears her own voice hiss into her ear.
“Shut up,” she snarls, moving back into the cockpit.
It takes just as long as she expected to get to Ahch-To, but BB doesn’t complain as much as she expected the droid to. They land on the cliffside, like she had the time before this, and the time before that. BB and she walk down the ramp of the Falcon, Leia and Luke’s lightsabers hanging off of her belt. She’s ready to get her other half back, even if she falls to the darkside. There’s nothing getting in her way.
BB whirs, and she looks up to notice what the droid’s noticed. That’s a large Wookiee standing there. “Chewie?” she calls, noticing the X-Wing behind him. He roars about how he said that she didn’t have to be alone, and her heart warms immensely. She walks to him, and he embraces her tightly. Damn, she’s crying again. “Thank you.”
He just hums, and they stay like that for several moments. When they pull away, he places a warm hand on her shoulder and tells her that the change in appearance looks good. She gives him a tight smile and nods her head.
Then one of the caretakers interrupts them, giving Rey a dirty look. She lets her gaze fall to the ground while Chewie speaks with them and calms them down. Then Chewie pulls her back onto the Falcon and sits her down in the lounge so that she’ll tell him what pulled her here.
So she does. She tells him about Ben, about the dream, about her vision, about her darkside. Chewie listens to all this while pulling clothes and belts out of random drawers in the lounge. Rey is somewhat confused about that, but she waits to worry about it. She does admit, “And I think I can bring Ben back,” and that gives the big Wookiee pause.
He stops and turns to her. With tears streaming down her face, she adds, “It’s going to be dangerous, but I think I can do it from here.” Chewie continues to stare at her, so she continues to speak, “The Skywalkers’ deaths can’t have been for nothing. Han Solo’s death can’t have been for nothing. Leia Organa’s death …” She gets a large lump in her throat again, just like she did when she faced the shadow of herself. Pushing through, she finishes in a strained voice, “It can’t have been for nothing, Chewie. It has to mean something. Otherwise, Palpatine’s won.”
It’s silent for several minutes while she cries and breathes in Ben’s scent from the sleeve of his shirt. Finally, Chewie sits beside her with a ball of clothes in his hands. He keeps a hold of them as he reassures her that she doesn’t have to do it alone. She gives him another tight smile, and he gives her the ball of clothes. With a growl, he explains that before they do anything life-threatening, she needs to change her clothes just a little more.
She chuckles and moves into the ‘fresher to change. She doesn’t find a shirt in the clothes, and she figures Chewie understands her attachment to the black tunic she’s wearing. Tucking it into the black pants with a red stripe lining either side, she uses the holster as a belt and pulls the brown vest on over the black shirt. It covers the little hole that she has yet to fix. Finally, she steps back into her brown boots that coincidentally match the vest.
After hooking Luke and Leia’s sabers back onto her belt, she walks back into the lounge and finds Chewie and BB waiting for her. They both make happy noises of approval, and she jokingly does a little spin.
Then she sighs, “Alright, Chewie, let’s go scope out what we’re dealing with.” BB stays on the Falcon as the two companions hike over to the cave on the other side of the island that she used to think about so she could sleep on Jakku. They stand over the opening of the cave and look down into it. Chewie asks her what’s so important down there.
With her hands nervously squeezing her hips, she answers, “Well, there’s a mirror that is connected to the Force down there. Last time I was here, I had a vision that showed me that I needed to stop looking back, that I needed to start looking ahead. I’m also pretty sure that it connects to Exegol.” Again, this gives Chewie pause, and he looks at her strangely. She ignores it, scooting closer to that edge.
Biting her inner cheek and eyeing the darkness, she adds, “It might be wise to bring the Falcon over here. Also, a rope.” Chewie claims that he wants to check this cave out, and Rey shoots him a hesitant look. “I’m not sure about that, Chewie. It’s dangerous, even for someone like me.”
He incredulously asks why she wants to go down there if it’s so dangerous. “I gotta get to Ben. He’s not dead, he’s somewhere out there. I just need to reach for him,” she responds, facing him. He sighs, and they both take a second to process everything.
Then they head back to the Falcon. Though Rey wants to get back over there and start immediately, Chewie forces her to take a rest. He shoves her into the bunk and starts a holovid so they both can take their minds off of things. It doesn’t stop Rey from thinking and planning, but it does calm her a little.
Chewie falls asleep after a little bit, and BB powers down shortly after that. Rey leaves the holovid going and goes into the cockpit to stare out at the water. Maybe she and Ben will stay here after she gets him back. It’s green, there’s water, and they can both just wire down for awhile. Maybe they’ll raise some porgs.
“Wow, you look like a Solo.” She looks to the co-pilot’s seat and finds Leia sitting there. She smiles at the woman she looks up to so much. Taking a deep breath, she looks back down at her clothes. “Really … It looks like Han dressed you himself.”
Rey chuckles, “Chewie did, actually. Save for the shirt, that was my choice.” Leia smiles like she knows exactly whose shirt it is. She reaches over and grabs Rey’s hand, gently yet tightly. That’s when the tears start again for Rey. “Leia, I need to get him back.”
Her previous master smiles softly at her and says, “You can do it, Rey. You can do anything. Don’t let any of it hold you back.” The young woman exhales loudly, reaching up to wipe her tears away. Squeezing her hand, Leia tells her, “I didn’t want any of this for him. I just wanted him to be happy, to not hurt. There is so much I wish I could go back and change, Rey. For the both of you.”
“I’m going to make this right, Leia. I’m going to take him back. I’m tired of the Jedi, tired of it all. I just want him. He deserves to have a chance to make things right.” Leia smiles so widely at her.
“That’s what gives you the ability to do this.”
Rey talks with Leia for as long as possible before her exhaustion catches up to her. Her head rolls forward and she falls asleep. She dreams of Ben’s red crackling lightsaber and a red thread wrapped around the hilt. When she wakes up, Chewie is sitting beside her in the co-pilot’s seat taking the Falcon over to the cave.
Sitting up, she coughs, “Sorry.” He glances at her and gives a little hum of amusement. He carefully lands the Falcon near the cave entrance, and BB joins them this time as they stand over it. “I just need you to pull me back up when I call for you,” she informs them as she gazes down at the pit of darkness. The Wookiee nods in understanding and unravels a rope into the pit. “I don’t know how long I’ll be, but just keep an ear open.” Chewie and BB watch her as she makes her way into the cave.
She finds it exactly as it was when she first fell into it a year ago and in her dream just a night ago. It’s still dark and cold, and the mirror still fills her with a terrible darkness. The only difference between a night ago and now is that there is no dark version of herself threatening her. She turns to the mirror and places her hand against it, reaching out for something, anything.
But there’s nothing. So she sighs, shakes her head, and crosses her legs under her, sitting down on the floor. She closes her eyes and begins to meditate. For the first time, she reaches out into the Force with the darkside clear in her goals.
For several days, she stays down in that cave, reaching out for any sign that she can do this. The Force is still, and it’s almost like she can’t feel it. Every night, Chewie helps her back up and forces her to eat and rest. She can see both Chewie and BB losing faith, but she doesn’t. She knows she can do this. If Leia says it, then it will be.
It has to.
So every morning, for a month, she climbs down into that cave to get what she’s looking for. Every night, for a month, she climbs back out without what she’s looking for.
Now, Rey is patient. She waited fifteen years for her family, she waited a year for Ben. But as of late, everything’s been catching up to her. So, on the thirty-second day, she climbs down into that cave angry as hell.
“I just want him,” she mutters, shaking her head and looking at herself in the mirror. “Just give him to me. I’ve done what you wanted every step of the way.” She progressively crescendos. “I left Jakku behind. I stood up to him. I watched Han die. I helped him kill Snoke! I left him behind! I stood up to Palpatine! I killed Palpatine! I had to watch him die! Just give him back!”
She slams her fist against the mirror as hard as she can, and strangely enough, it shatters. Quickly, she moves back out of the way of the glass. Her eyes widen as it falls to the floor and reveals … Is that …? Is that a tunnel?
Avoiding getting any glass shards stuck in her boots, she steps forward and peeks her head into the tunnel. Instantly, all sounds vanish, almost like the Force bond she had with Ben. She pulls her head back out swiftly and gasps, not ready to face that demon.
Chewie roars and asks if she’s alright.
She … thinks she might have just found her solution.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
She stares up at the opening of the cave, her only real source of light for a moment. That big lump in her throat comes back, and she realizes what that means. Taking a deep breath and doing her best to swallow that lump, she steps into the tunnel.