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“Shepard, can we talk?” Tali asked, her voice sounding unusually small. Shepard had anticipated the words before they had been spoken. She had noticed Tali had been acting differently. Such was the nature when you made your intent clear on pursuing someone, but Shepard had been under the impression they were on the same page. The way Tali had been subtly avoiding Shepard suggested otherwise. Though she noticed a few days back that Tali seemed to have a cold. She blamed it on Tali’s fever to quell her own anxiety, but now the conversation had brought such nerves back.
“Sure.” Shepard folded her arms across her chest, leaned her hip against the counter. “What’s troubling you?” She already knew what the answer would be, but Shepard wasn’t one who cowered from conflict. If Tali was here to dump her, then she wanted to get it over with already.
“I, umm,” Tali was hesitant. Shepard knew her own reputation and the effect that had on others. For once, she wished she wasn’t naturally intimidating, or at least that Tali could trust she could come to her when she needed to discuss something important like this. Tali had no problem discussing things with Shepard when they were friends. She was cursing this difference silently to herself.
She was holding something behind her back. Tali brought it forward then and Shepard eyed it with curiosity.
“What is that?” It looked like a picture frame. Shepard was not a jealous person, but her heart twinges to think Tali is about to tell her she met someone else.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about us,” Tali began. Shepard’s insides burn with the way the Quarian decided to begin this conversation. She was dancing around the issue and Shepard preferred a more direct approach. “I care about you so much, and I don’t want us taking that next step to ruin what we already have.” Shepard’s eyes delicately fold shut. She inhaled a breath. She should have known making a pass at one of her crew would only lead her to this moment. “So I, umm,” She held the picture frame out to Shepard, face down. “I want you to know ahead of time what I look like under this,” Tali waved her hand in front of her masked face. “I just couldn’t stand the thought of getting to that point only for you to decide that you don’t like what you see.” There was a small crack in Tali’s voice. It pricked like a pin in Shepard’s heart, all of her anxieties washing away and flooding with warm feelings in the gap they left.
Shepard placed her hands on the picture frame, easing it down and away from herself. “Tali.” She could tell how scared the Quarian was to be discussing this. Shepard hadn’t even considered how vulnerable removing Tali’s exosuit could be for her - besides the obvious physical dangers. Many humans felt the same way about being naked in front of another person for the first time, but for Tali, it must have been like that times ten. Shepard hadn’t even seen Tali’s face before. It never bothered her, but she thought about how she might feel if someone she loved had never seen her face before, only to finally show it to them and they found it so repulsive that they no longer wanted to be with her. Shepard was not a vain woman, but she could not imagine the heartbreak.
She took it from Tali’s hands, only to place it away from them. “I don’t need a preview,” Shepard said. She replaces Tali’s empty hands with her own. “I have no intentions of changing my mind upon seeing you. I like you because of who you are and the way that you look could never change the way I feel.” Tali instinctively leans into her and Shepard folds her arms around her waist.
“Shepard, are you sure?” Her voice quivered with emotion. Shepard looked into her mask, eyes meeting with the silvery glow of her eyes behind it. She already knew that was one thing she was going to like about Tali’s appearance - her eyes were like beautiful twin moons. Shepard gave her a loving smile.
“Yeah,” She breathed in a laugh. She wanted to kiss Tali, but refrained. She could wait until Tali was ready to take the suit off, and then she would make up for the wait by kissing her everywhere she could reach.
“I went through all that trouble to get that picture taken of me,” Tali confessed. She shied into Shepard’s arms. Shepard blinked. So that’s what had caused her to get sick. The time it took for her to pose outside of her suit for that photograph was long enough for her to be exposed to something that did not react well with her immune system.
“Then I’ll keep it on my desk for company when we can’t be together,” Shepard promised, but for now, she wanted to leave it face down. She was determined to wait until she could see it in person, and she was confident no matter what she was given, she could work with it. More than that, she knew Tali could not possibly be ugly to her when Shepard felt this way about her.
“Thank you, Shepard,” Tali leaned into her arms, resting the side of her helmet against Shepard’s shoulder. She closed her arms around Tali tighter and traced circles along her back. She imagined what it would feel like to have her skin pressed against Tali’s. It must be soft from being protected under the suit her entire life. There was so much more she wanted to do with Tali, but for now, the intimate holding they’ve done thus far would have to suffice. Being unable to kiss Tali in casual circumstances made Shepard appreciate what she could do with Tali all the more, and she never wanted to take Tali for granted.