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A cool, steady rain tapped on the windowsill of Tsukishima Kei’s bedroom, where he and Yamaguchi Tadashi sat on the bed and frustratingly waded through homework together. Tonight, it was math.
The two boys did this often; after all, they had been inseparable since their first meeting in elementary school. It was uncommon to see one without the other close by, and nights spent on homework or studying were no different. Tonight was particularly rough, as exams were drawing closer and closer and teachers began assigning more and more to do. They had been reading and writing and erasing and thinking for hours, now, when Tsukki finally plopped his math textbook down on his blue-and-grey-striped comforter, fell back against his pillows, and groaned.
“I need a break, I’m about to throw my textbook out the window.” He complained monotonously, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. Yamaguchi yawned, nodding in agreement.
“Me too, if I see one more unit circle, I’m going to burst into tears.” Tsukishima let out a small chuckle in response, not entirely sure if his best friend was joking or not.
They sat in silence for a short while when Yamaguchi’s phone lit up and buzzed, and when he unlocked it and found out why, a small frown and furrowed brows crossed the boy’s face. Tsukishima sat up, curious.
“What’s up?”
“Hm? Oh, nothing, just Hirabayashi texting me about the dance next weekend.”
Tsukishima had almost forgotten: a sweet, but relatively uninteresting girl in their class had asked Yamaguchi to the heavily-anticipated winter formal, and he had said yes. Out of polite courtesy or legitimate interest, Tsukishima wasn’t completely sure, but regardless, a sharp pang of jealousy seared through his chest and down into his stomach. Now, to be clear, Tsukishima wasn’t jealous of the school dance part; to him, it seemed like a waste of time and money to get uncomfortably dressed up and be around the same people you spend nearly every day with during class, with pop and hip hop music blaring just a little too loudly in a crowded, uncomfortably-warm school gymnasium. He was happy to skip that.
No, it was the idea of Yamaguchi going with someone. Buying the matching corsage. His mom picking her up and driving them to that uncomfortably-warm school gymnasium. Talking, laughing, dancing long into the night. A slow song leading to an awkward slow dance, leading to an awkward head on Yamaguchi‘s chest, leading to an awkward first kiss-
“Tsukki.” Yamaguchi was now looking up at him, his phone now resting back on the bed. He must’ve spaced out.
“What?” Tsukishima asked flatly, unable to hide a light pink that flushed across his cheeks.
“You didn’t hear anything I just said, did you?” Yamaguchi teased, a toothy smile warming his face. Another pang shot down Tsukishima’s chest.
“As I was saying, Hira just told me she might have to cancel, but she’s not sure yet. Something about a sudden family trip.”
“Oh.” The pain in Tsukishima’s chest turned into a flutter. Maybe Yamaguchi wouldn’t go.
“I mean, I don’t want to sound rude, but I almost hope she does cancel.” Yamaguchi admitted sheepishly.
“Then why did you say yes in the first place?” Tsukishima asked, picking up his own phone and holding it a few centimeters too close to his face, in order to properly see the screen without his glasses. He also hoped by doing so, the phone would obscure any kind of happy, hopeful, or excited facial expressions that were certainly out-of-character for him.
“I felt too awkward to say no, she asked me with a box of cookies she made the night before. I don’t know, she just seemed so excited, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”
“Oh...well, I guess that makes sense. She’s the girl that sits behind Ikeda, right?”
“Yeah. She’s always super nice to me, she probably just wanted to go with someone she knew.” Tsukkishima almost laughed at Yamaguchi’s obliviousness.
“Um, she probably likes you, you know. Most girls don’t nervously dance-propose with homemade cookies to people they’re just f-...friends with.” A lump forming in his throat caught him off guard, causing him to almost choke on the last few words. This was the first time he had considered the fact that, perhaps, someone did like his best friend. And, perhaps, Yamaguchi could like someone else in return. While he didn’t seem interested in this girl in particular, there could very well be someone else one day. And that someone else most likely wouldn’t be him. Why would it be?
“Tsukki!” The stern, though playful exasperation from Yamaguchi startled him once again, and once again, his face flushed a light pink.
“Ugh, you never listen to me!” Yamaguchi laughed, hitting his best friend with a nearby stuffed dinosaur.
“Ow, hey, leave Spike out of this.” Tsukishima couldn’t help but let out a laugh as he tore his precious stuffed stegosaurus out of the soft, abusive hands of his best friend.
“As I was saying,” Yamaguchi continued dramatically, “I don’t really think of her like that. I mean, she seems nice, but I don’t really know her. I think slow dancing with her would just be kind of weird, especially if she actually does like like me.” He rolled his Bananya phone charm between his thumb and index finger, causing the charm string to curl and uncurl under his touch. His face went from playful to disgruntled in an instant, however, causing Tsukishima to do the same.
“What?”
“N-nothing, I just, thought of something.” Yamaguchi laughed off sheepishly, showing off yet another toothy smile.
“Uh, okay.” Tsukishima replied, still wondering.
“Wait, have you ever gone to any of the school dances?” Yamaguchi asked. Tsukishima scoffed.
“No, why would I? Like I said, they’re annoying. Boring. Uncomfortable.”
“So wait, that means you’ve never slow danced?” Yamaguchi continued, excitement building for reasons Tsukishima couldn’t figure out.
“Nope.”
“Really? Never?!”
“Do I seem like the kind of guy that would?” Tsukishima asked flatly, pushing his glasses back up to their proper place. Yamaguchi laughed again.
“Well, I guess not, but it just feels like something everyone’s done before. Especially with awkward middle school dances.” Yamaguchi said, his mind beginning to wander. They sat in that silence for a while, each of them trying to figure out what to say next. Suddenly, quietly, Yamaguchi spoke.
“Do you ever want to know what it’s like?”
“Hm?” Tsukishima responded, not quite sure if he heard Yamaguchi correctly.
“I mean, since you never have, h-have you ever wondered what it’s like?” Yamaguchi continued, seeming nervous for some reason. Tsukishima raised an eyebrow.
“I mean, I guess. Mostly from just seeing it in bad teen movies. But it doesn’t sound that great.”
“Want to find out?” Yamaguchi squeaked, staring at the bed spread. After a few seconds, he met Tsukishima’s eyes, looking almost terrified. Tsukishima’s heart almost stopped, trying to figure out if his best friend was suggesting what he thought he was.
A short pause passed, only the sound of the increasing rain breaking the silence. Both of them sat frozen where they were. Yamaguchi broke first, trying to play off his obvious terror with a playful laugh.
“Oh come on, just to say you’ve at least done it. I’m not going to bite, Tsukki.”
He’s serious, oh my god. Tsukishima thought, feeling his heart rate quicken at the thought of it.
“...F-Fine.” Tsukishima managed, suddenly not quite sure if it was a dream. But it was, in fact, quite real. Not that Tsukishima believed it at that moment.
“O-oh, okay! Here, uh, come over here-“ Yamaguchi sprang up from the bed a little too quickly and moved their book bags from the clearing between Tsukishima’s bed and the closet. Tsukishima slowly stood up, his legs stiff from sitting in more or less the same position for hours. He stood there awkwardly, putting his hands in shorts pockets in order to hide how much they were shaking from the adrenaline. Yamaguchi grabbed his phone, brought up the music player, and hit shuffle.
Can anybody
Find me
Somebody to
Love
Queen’s voices began soaring over them, doing their best to drown out the pouring rain. Yamaguchi, struggling to hide his nervousness now, turned down the volume a few clicks and set his phone on the corner of the bed. They stood only about half a meter from each other, but neither of them moved at first.
“Well?” Tsukishima said, struggling to suppress a strange sense of giddiness that began bubbling up.
“Oh! Uh, right. So you, u-uh, I guess you’ll be the leading part since you’re taller-“
“But shouldn’t you lead? You’re the one that’s done this before.”
“O-oh, That’s true I guess. Okay. Here-“ Yamaguchi beckoned for Tsukishima to come closer, and he complied. He took two steps forward, and suddenly, they were much closer.
“Your left hand goes on my shoulder, and mine goes on y-.... your waist, if that’s okay (Tsukishima nodded). Then grab my other hand like...this.” Slowly, they assumed their positions, their hands meeting last. Yamaguchi’s hand felt cold against Tsukishima’s, who hands were nice and warm from being in his pockets. Yamaguchi adjusted his soft, timid grip on Tsukishima‘s waist, causing him to blush.
Say something nice you idiot! Tsukishima panicked mentally.
“Your hands are cold.”
NOT THAT.
“Oh, sorry, I, uh, my h-hands are always cold, haha.” Yamaguchi replied, blushing in response.
“I-is this, uh, right?” Tsukishima said, desperately trying to play off his weird, mildly-insulting observation.
“Yeah, this is good. Don’t worry, just...trust me. Now we find a good swaying tempo...like this. And we just....dance.” They swayed awkwardly to Freddie Mercury’s voice for about 10 seconds, neither of them quite sure what do say next. They each tried their best to avoid each other’s eye contact, both quickly looking away when their eyes met.
I get down (down) on my knees (knees)
And I start to pray
'Til the tears run down from my eyes
Lord, somebody (somebody), ooh somebody
(Please) can anybody find me somebody to love?
Tsukishima held onto each word of the lyrics; he began to feel tears form in his own eyes as he stood there, slow dancing with his best friend, suddenly feeling every word being sung. Desperate to keep himself from actually crying, he attempted to keep the conversation going.
“W-What good does this do anyway?” Tsukishima asked, keeping his eyes glued to his closet door.
“Oh, uh, I guess it lets you talk to whoever you’re dancing with, without shouting over the loud music. I-it’s nice, trust me.”
“And...you’ve done this before?” Tsukishima asked, his eyes returning to Yamaguchi out of habit.
“Mhm. I mean, I was 11, and it was a lot more awkward, but...it wasn’t terrible...” Yamaguchi said, trailing off on the last word.
Before either of them realized it, they began to inch closer together, as if some sort of magnet were trying to close the gap between them. It was Yamaguchi who came to the realization of what was happening.
“Oh, Y-yeah, as you get more comfortable, you can drop your hands a little bit, m-maybe get cl-...closer.” The room began to feel just a little too warm, as adrenaline raised their heart rates and body temperatures, especially for poor Tsukishima. The world around him began to feel like some kind of hazy fever dream- surely he can’t actually be here, doing this, with him. But he was.
Before either of them knew it, the gap between their awkward teenage bodies closed, Tsukishima’s arm wedged in between them. Maybe I should’ve led. He thought, but even just the idea of his hand grasping Yamaguchi’s waist (something he may or may not think about doing enough as is, he’ll never tell you for sure) sent a wave of warmth through his already warm face. Nope, never mind.
Slowly, awkwardly, Yamaguchi slid his arm around Tsukishima‘s back and placed his head on Tsukishima’s chest, right where many assumed his heart wasn’t. But it was indeed there, and suddenly, Tsukishima was sure it would beat right out of his rib cage. His heartbeat began to echo in his ears, rendering him unable to properly hear Mr. Mercury’s voice floating over them.
They stayed like this for a short while, though it felt like eternity to the both of them. If Tsukishima had said it felt like a moment of pure relaxing bliss, he’d be lying. Quite frankly, at this point, the poor boy was just trying not to get sick from the sudden rush of nerves.
Nevertheless, the music around them continued, but as the bridge began to reach its climax, something felt different.
Find me, somebody to love,
Find me, somebody to love,
Find me, somebody to love-
As if he suddenly realized what he was doing, Yamaguchi lifted his head and began retracting his arm, creating space between them once again, and looked straight into Tsukishima‘s eyes. The moment caught the both of them off guard; they stopped swaying, only standing there in the middle of an absolutely love struck Tsukishima‘s bedroom floor. Suddenly, he missed the feeling of Yamaguchi’s head on his chest, more than anyone could possibly miss anything. Of that, he was sure.
“T-Tsukki...I, uh-“ Yamaguchi managed, breaking eye contact briefly to look down at Tsukishima‘s lips. In that moment, Tsukishima suddenly found the courage to do something he’d been dreaming about doing for years now.
“Tadashi...”
As if he suddenly had no control over his own limbs, Tsukishima felt his hand lift from Yamaguchi’s shoulder and land gently on his warm, freckled cheek. Yamaguchi‘s eyes suddenly became the size of the moon itself as he realized what was happening. A smile crawled across his face, becoming even warmer under Tsukishima‘s touch. Tsukishima moved first, inching his face towards his best friend’s, and Yamaguchi’s followed suit. Before either of them knew it, their eyes closed and lips met, creating a tingling sensation throughout their bodies that neither of them had ever quite felt before. But it felt good. It felt right.
Anybody, anywhere, anybody find me somebody to love,
Love, love, love, love
Find me, find me, find me
As the song played out it’s soft piano riff, the two broke apart, absolutely breathless. They stood in each others arms for some time, quite unsure of what to do next. Surprisingly, it was Tsukishima that broke first, finding himself unable to contain a nervous laugh.
“Wh-what?” Yamaguchi asked, not sure if his best friend was actually okay or not.
“Nothing, I, uh...I love you, Tadashi.” Saying his first name with such a deep intent gave him almost as big of a rush as the entire evening had. He never knew a name could feel like home. But Yamaguchi’s did.
“I love you too, Kei.” Yamaguchi replied quietly, standing up on his tip-toes and placing a kiss on Tsukishima’s cheek.
Neither of them realized that the next song was already playing, but neither of them quite cared. As an unfamiliar guitar solo floated through the bedroom, Yamaguchi placed his head back onto Tsukishima’s chest, the pair feeling like two perfectly-cut puzzle pieces finally coming together. Even as the rain continued to pour outside, it was a moment neither of them wanted to end.
___________________________________________
“So, does this mean you’ll go to the winter formal with me?” Yamaguchi asked, not lifting his head.
“Ew, no, I still hate school dances.” Tsukishima replied flatly.
“Tsukkiiiiiii-“ Yamaguchi whined, making Tsukishima laugh.
“Okay okay, I’ll go with you. But you’re buying the corsages.”
“Deal.”
A few moments of silence went by.
“I can’t wait to see you awkwardly slow dance like this in front of our classmates. I hope someone takes a video.”
“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”