Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This song is about a friend I had. He was beautiful, picture bloody perfect. I loved him, but I didn’t know at the time. I don’t even think he knew that I loved him too. When he and I met, we had little traditions, little things we did together, you know? Like how we’d somehow always be awake at two minutes past one. We’d end up talking till the sun came up. Now, whenever I’m awake at 1.02 am, I think of him and I let go.

Chanyeol Park – BBC Radio 1 Interview

PART ONE; FALLING IN LOVE

It’s 1.02am. Chanyeol sits on the cold pavement, taking out a fag and letting the smoke burn his lungs. It's cold, brutal cold - London tends to be fucking useless when it comes to the weather - so Chanyeol can even feel soft drizzle landing on his hair.

He has nowhere to go tonight, so he stays sitting on the pavement, his legs crossed and his guitar case beside him. He blows out grey smokes, which escapes his lips, his hands unzipping the worn-out case and lifting his scratched-up guitar. The streets are silent and barren, juxtaposing what usually is a bright and lively city. But of course, the city is asleep, which leaves Chanyeol owning the night, leaning his head on the brick wall and letting his fingers play the melody that's been stuck in his head the whole day. He closes his eyes, humming softly, accompanying his callus fingers.

'Hey, you pretentious prick! Get back inside before you get sick!', Chanyeol looks up to see a window opening from one of the houses, the lights escaping from the inside as he sees Kyungsoo leaning on the window sill, calling out to him and interrupting his moment of peace, 'It's one o'clock in the fucking morning!'

Chanyeol inhales the last of his cigarette, letting the ash fall to the ground, throwing the fag out before standing. He steps over it and places his guitar back on the case, bending down to pick it up whilst having to hear Kyungsoo's constant abuse from above the two-story house.

'Can you shut the fuck up? You'll wake the neighbours!', Chanyeol shouts once he zips up the case and looks up to glare at his best friend, 'I was trying to find my muse!'

'Find it inside the fucking house like a normal prick!', Kyungsoo shouts back to which Chanyeol gives up and does as he’s told - he usually does since the fucker would kill him if he doesn't - walking back to their shared house, his keys dangling with key chains from all over the world courtesy of his travelling sister.

Park Chanyeol is a dying artist. Not literally, but he's been at a slump these past couples of weeks, not finding the motivation to finish a song, leaving them unresolved and without proper ending nor emotion. It's been driving him insane and he's done everything he could to get his flow back on, even if it meant sitting in the cold, in the middle of the night whilst the world is in a peaceful slumber.

Their house is small, too fucking small for the rent price, but he can't complain. He walks back to the kitchen, opening the lights and leaning his guitar case by the table whilst he turns on the kettle and makes himself a cup of tea. He's been having troubles sleeping too, which didn't help his slump, so coffee was out of the equation for the past few weeks. Kyungsoo has the shit end of it, having to hear Chanyeol screaming at himself at three in the morning, sometimes getting out of bed to tell him off. 

He sits down, sighing whilst he thinks of words, trying to piece lyrics together only to fail once more. He doesn't even bother opening his notebook anyway, leaving it somewhere in his room, probably at the bottom of the bed, untouched. 

'Well, we're here…', Chanyeol sings, leaving it unfinished, listening to the kettle screaming and watching the streams of white smoke escape its lips, 'Well, we're here…'

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol sit in The Common, a local pub just on the outskirts of their neighbourhood. It's six o'clock and Kyungsoo just got off work, reading a text from Chanyeol that he's at the usual.

'So, are you still useless?', Kyungsoo asks, laughing when he sees Chanyeol tugging his hair - a little habit he has when he's frustrated. He sees the way his best friend whines, complaining about his shit songs whilst they shared a drink.

'Nothing sounds good Kyungsoo', Chanyeol pouts, 'And it won't be long since I have to go back to the studio to write again… They're not gonna like anything I present'

'Who're you booked to write with?'

'Clean Bandit', Chanyeol says, drinking his lager and looking out the window, watching people pass them by, 'And Sean McIntyre contacted me too'

'At least you're not stuck with George', Kyungsoo says beneath his breath, 'He was a dick'

'No, he's not', Chanyeol hears Kyungsoo despite the loud noises of music and voices, rolling his eyes when he sees his best friend’s disapproving look, 'He's a nice fella'

'He gave you cocaine'

'Which was nice of him. That shit's expensive', Chanyeol points out to which Kyungsoo reaches out his hand and slaps his head. He still hasn't forgotten the time Chanyeol came home absolutely high off his face, ruining their living room.

'Next time you come home high, I'm gonna burn you myself', Kyungsoo threatens him, which he usually does when Chanyeol starts talking about drugs.

He's not a crackhead, but Chanyeol wasn't one to pass on having a good time - much to Kyungsoo's dismay - which means coming home late drunk and high is more of a monthly routine than his best friend would like. But he knew Kyungsoo isn't going to do much but run his mouth on him a few times.

'I won't be getting high if I can't even write a fucking song', Chanyeol sighs, going back to his self-pity party, 'I can't believe I don't know how to write any more'

'Serves you', Kyungsoo points out, unsympathetic over Chanyeol's crisis, 'You should've saved all the money'

'And you should've married your ex-boyfriend', Chanyeol bites back when he sees that his best friend is doing nothing but bringing up his fuck-ups instead of comforting him, 'But here we both are, broke and alone'

Another glare is given to him by Kyungsoo - but at this point in their friendship, Chanyeol is used to it - so he finishes drinking his lager and forces Kyungsoo to talk about his day and stirs the attention away from him. Kyungsoo, unlike Chanyeol, didn't live a complicated life, just a mixture of work in his office and leisure with his friends which usually only consists of watching movies and occasionally at the club if he feels like socialising with a big crowd. It's probably why their friendship works well, like two opposites finding comfort at the fact that there are other ways to live life, getting a taste of something different by observing each other's life. It calms Chanyeol down hearing that someone can be genuinely happy with a nine to five job and it felt cathartic for Kyungsoo to hear Chanyeol's escapades, sometimes annoying but mainly entertaining for him.

'Anyway, my manager wanted us to have a party before he leaves for his other job', Kyungsoo adds on at the end, 'I don't know if I wanna go through'

'Why not?', Chanyeol replies, stealing some of Kyungsoo's crisps - the usual salt and vinegar - stuffing his mouth and looking at his best friend in question, 'You should use this opportunity to get fucked'

'In front of my co-workers?', Kyungsoo snorts, 'No thanks. Unlike you, I still have to see them every day'

'But why don't you wanna go?', Chanyeol asks again, curious to see why anyone would wanna pass out the chance to party.

'Most of my co-workers are bringing their partners', Kyungsoo whines and that's when Chanyeol put the two and two together, 'I haven't… Been with anyone since…'

'Yeah I know', Chanyeol nods, 'You don't have to take anyone with you, just go there yourself'

'Yeah, but it's embarrassing'

'Nah, if they judge just tell them to fuck off'

Kyungsoo laughs at Chanyeol's fuck it attitude. He's relieved that Chanyeol will never have an office job, he knows Chanyeol's gonna get fired the minute he even starts one. 

'I'm not like you', he points out, 'I'm not going, not without anyone anyway'

Chanyeol gets an idea and he gives Kyungsoo a playful smirk.

'Hey, you know me. I wouldn't pass a good night', he winks and Kyungsoo immediately shakes his head, refusing Chanyeol's idea without a second thought.

'I don't fucking think so', Kyungsoo points a warning finger at him, glaring but the smile om Chanyeol's face is already clear, 'I'm not gonna let you embarrass me in front of my colleagues'

'Oh, come on', Chanyeol raises his hand like an innocent kid, but his smirk is anything but, 'You don't want your manager to think you hated him all this time, right?', he points out to which Kyungsoo stops to think about it. For a moment he's hesitant and that's enough for Chanyeol to slip in the idea again.

'Fine, but only if you behave'

Kyungsoo works at a respectable publishing company, family-owned and mostly caters to interior design, performance art and visual arts portfolios. Chanyeol didn't understand the idea of nonfiction books in general, but books which are made up of just pictures and art with a critical analysis on it and pretentious passages which tries to describe them as something godly and out of this world is something Chanyeol doesn't have time for.

'You know for someone who does art, you're completely judgemental over other people's work', Kyungsoo would say to him whenever Chanyeol makes a snarky remark.

'It's because I do art that I'm judgemental towards everyone's work', Chanyeol would correct him.

But now's not the time to hassle. Chanyeol's got nothing better to do and he needed to get away from his cramped room. Maybe the night will finally give him the muse he's been looking for. 

He arrives at the club with Kyungsoo, towering over the others, his hair damp from the showers. He never bothered to blow dry it so he had to leave it in the natural wavy streak that it is, which didn't sit well with Kyungsoo who wanted him to look at least presentable, but there's no arguing with Chanyeol.

They arrived a little late, but then again it didn't mean anything to Chanyeol who waves and introduces himself to Kyungsoo's co-workers, smiling and making small conversation before walking over at the bar and getting drinks for him and Kyungsoo. He turns back to look at his best friend, seeing him in the crowd laughing amongst the rest. He knew Kyungsoo didn't need him to come with him to the club since he's much more sociable than he gives himself credit for - but Chanyeol's his adrenaline - the one that forces him to take the first step and persuaded him to go to the party. 

They make eye contact and Kyungsoo gives him a thumbs up, making Chanyeol laugh, reciprocating and giving him a thumbs up too whilst he waits for their drinks.

And at precisely 1.02 AM, he finds his muse. Or maybe his muse finds him. Maybe Chanyeol is over romanticising their first meeting, surely alcohol spilt all over his shirt isn't fucking romantic.

'What the fuck', he shouts the moment he feels someone bumping into him, cold liquid pouring on his shirt, 'Dude!'

'I'm so sorry!', he hears a stranger's voice. The club is loud and he could barely hear the dude’s voice due to the loud music, but he feels his touches, sees his hand trying to wipe the alcohol from his shirt with a tissue.

'It's fine, it's fine', Chanyeol shouts out, taking a step back and forcing the stranger to stop patting at his chest.

Their eyes finally meet and Chanyeol is allowed to link the voice to a face - which might work in his favour - since the man is fucking gorgeous. 

'I really didn't mean it', the stranger shouts again and the tall man shakes his heads signalling that it doesn't matter.

'It's okay', Chanyeol shouts back. He might want to spark a conversation with him, seeing that his instant infatuation suddenly heightens his confidence, 'Why don't I buy you a new drink?', he asks and the stranger looks up at him with a shocked expression.

'Don't. I'm the one who spilt it on you'

'Yeah, but now you don't have a drink', Chanyeol smiles, 'Plus we're here now anyway'

'Chanyeol, what the fuck is taking you so long?!', his ever-loving, cockblocking best friend interrupts them, Kyungsoo tugging at Chanyeol and looking down at his chest, 'What happened to your shirt?'

Chanyeol's about to point out to the stranger standing beside him, but then when he turns, he notices that he isn't there anymore. He looks around the club, in search of the beautiful stranger, confused as to why he would just leave without warning, even when he offered him a drink.

'Someone… Spilt their drink on me', Chanyeol explains, his eyes still glancing around, whilst Kyungsoo gives up and gets their drinks for him.

'Well, come on and clean yourself, my manager wants to meet you', Kyungsoo says to him, forcing Chanyeol to give in and abandon his search of the stranger, following Kyungsoo behind.

The night goes on and the stranger disappears. Chanyeol tries for a few moments to look around the club, to see if he can spot the beautiful stranger, but as the night rolls on, he gives up and succumbs to the music, dancing with Kyungsoo and his friends until he feels his head getting dizzy. He’s probably gonna get a fucking hangover after this, but he didn’t care.

‘What a fucking joke’, Chanyeol whines, sitting down in their small kitchen and hugging his cup of tea which Kyungsoo made, the pair looking like fucking zombies.

‘How do you do this every night?’, Kyungsoo whines, taking his ibuprofen and leaning his forehead on Chanyeol’s shoulder. He didn’t realise he’s been drinking a lot until he had to get his co-worker to drop him off to their house since none of them can drive home.

‘Don’t ask me’, Chanyeol murmurs, allowing Kyungsoo to lean on him as he leans on the latter’s too, ‘I still feel like death every morning’, he admits, the pair laughing as they complain about their hangover, Kyungsoo promising himself that he’ll never drink again and Chanyeol promising that he’ll continue to drink despite the banging headache.

‘I have a day off today and you’re still a useless fucking writer’, Kyungsoo announces, standing up and walking over to the sink, ‘Do you wanna dedicate this day to a full out movie night?’

‘Fucking hell yeah’

That’s what their friendship is like, a consistent time spent with each other despite their differences. It’s odd since they weren’t different when they first met during Secondary school. They were two class clowns, heavy in making others laugh and always up for any challenge. They would get in a lot of shit, daring each other to set fire to their lockers, jumping over the fence and sometimes even bunking off school, they found familiarity when they first met, but over the years, and with a lot of shit being thrown at them, they crossed their roads and became different from each other. Kyungsoo is more reserved, maturing in time and finding comfort in the quiet, his voice no longer loud, but calm yet assertive. Chanyeol changed his ways too, time spent being pressed down by everyone in his life, he found himself sticking with his immaturity as a form of handling life with a smile on his face, even if it meant his childish ways hurt everyone around him.

The pair found that no matter how different they are from each other, they still found comfort in each other’s presence, Chanyeol admitting at one point when he was drunk that Kyungsoo is one of the most valuable people he has in his life.

Fate seems to be on Chanyeol’s side for once as he walks into Lidl, looking like trash and not caring that he has on an oversized hoodie he hasn’t washed in two weeks, stains everywhere, as he picks up a bottle of Red Bull and five boxes of cheap pizza. Kyungsoo hasn’t been cooking for a while now and Chanyeol can’t keep up with his egg and rice meals anymore.

Just when he’s about to make his way to the queue, he sees the beautiful stranger he forgot he met. But then, despite the dim lights and the loud music, he remembers his face.

Chanyeol’s not much to turn down a challenge, so he immediately makes a beeline to the man pushing his trolley past the pasta aisle.

‘Hey’

‘Uh, hello?’

The tap on the shoulder was probably creepy, seeing as Chanyeol has his hood up to cover his greasy ass hair, and him holding five boxes of pizza didn’t help his image.

‘Do, I know you?’

‘It depends, do you remember spilling your drink on me in the club?’

The beautiful man furrows his eyebrows, thinking for a minute before the memory starts to flood in, his lips parting in surprise as he points to Chanyeol, ‘You’re the one that was willing to pay for a new drink, right?’

‘That’s the one’, Chanyeol smiles, ‘I would shake your hand officially, but I kinda have my hands full’, the stranger laughs when he looks down and finds a Chanyeol struggle to keep hold of the boxes.

‘Don’t you want to get a basket for that?’

‘It’s fine, I was just about to go and pay for these, actually’, Chanyeol admits, ‘I just recognised you and wanted to introduce myself officially’

‘Well, it’s nice to meet you…’. The man couldn’t finish off his sentence and Chanyeol realised that upon their second conversation, they still haven’t exchanged names yet.

‘Ah right. I’m Chanyeol Park’

‘Nice to meet you’, the stranger smiles, ‘I’m Baekhyun Byun’

Chanyeol is lucky enough to spot Baekhyun walking around the Town Centre and he immediately pieces it together. He must live around the area. Chanyeol didn’t want to be a stalker, so he doesn’t approach Baekhyun when he sees him leaving Asda with bags of groceries in his hand or sometimes, he’d just see Baekhyun sitting down on one of the park benches reading a book.

It freaks him out that he’s never seen Baekhyun before, but now he’s fucking everywhere.

Even though he promises himself he’s not going to act like a prick, that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna gush to Kyungsoo every day of how he would always meet the boy.

‘Can you stop talking about him already’, is all Kyungsoo inputs in the conversation, ignoring Chanyeol most of the time, ‘Just talk to him and leave me alone’, after that, he gets up and goes to his room to get away from Chanyeol’s gushing.

Surely enough, it wasn’t Chanyeol who gained the balls to approach the boy, it’s Baekhyun himself. And it came a bit of a shock.

‘I notice you frequent around here; do you live near too?’, Chanyeol, once again in his oversized hoodie, turns back to hear Baekhyun’s voice behind him and he almost jumps.

‘Woah, hey’, he greets the latter, to which Baekhyun chuckles at his cute reaction, ‘I didn’t see you coming’

‘No’, Baekhyun nods, ‘Sorry if I scared you, It’s just… I keep seeing you everywhere’

‘Well, I live like a good ten minutes away from here’, Chanyeol points out and he sees Baekhyun smiling at the news.

‘Really? Me too!’, Baekhyun gleams, ‘I moved here a couple of months ago’

Ah, that’s probably why he’s only seen Baekhyun recently.

‘I’ve lived here for a good three years now’, Chanyeol informs, ‘If you want, I can show you around?’

‘I’ve pretty much seen and explored all I need to’, Baekhyun smiles, ‘It’s all I could do after work since my friends back home live two hours away from me so they can’t visit me often’

‘Oh, well, have you been to The Common?’

‘The what?’, Baekhyun asks, tilting his head, ‘What’s that?’

‘The best place here’

Chanyeol remembers the first thing he did when he and Kyungsoo moved to the area, is to find the best pub and begged them for him to perform. The bartender kicked him out at first, but with excessive begging and a growing reputation amongst the customers, he finally did his first gig on a Friday night with his old guitar and his hoarse voice. He’s been a regular, but he recently stopped when a producer slid his business card over his way and Chanyeol immediately leapt at the opportunity.

Since then he only plays a few nights if he feels like it. And tonight, he fucking feels like it.

‘What’re you doing?’, the bartender asks as he sees Chanyeol setting up, leaning on the table and watching the tall idiot sitting down with his old guitar, ‘Kyungsoo told me you’re in a slump’

‘Yeah well, I might as well use my voice before it starts to rust up’, Chanyeol explains, looking up and laughing with Michael, someone who used to hate him and his excessive talking, but over time, he got used to him – everyone got used to Chanyeol.

‘Quit smoking and you wouldn’t have that problem’, Michael tells him off before going back and catering his other customers.

‘You frequent here?’, Baekhyun asks, being the new face as he settles down on the table right in front of the small stage fixed at the end of the pub, seeing a few people scattered inside despite it being midday on a weekday.

‘I used to come here every Friday to perform’, Chanyeol tunes his guitar, feeling the old strings slowly give way. He should probably make a note to buy new strings, ‘But now I just perform when I feel like it’

It isn’t long until Baekhyun is introduced to Chanyeol’s voice, watching as he strums his guitar, the soft strings accompanied with his deep voice singing so smoothly despite the hoarseness. Baekhyun couldn’t help but admire the way he performed; how melancholic his eyes became. It made him wonder what stories were behind those faded eyes.

‘You were amazing’, Baekhyun says as they walk out of the pub, the skies turning grey and quickly darkening as Autumn shortens the day. Chanyeol can feel the cold breeze, walking beside Baekhyun towards the bus stop.

‘Thanks’, Chanyeol replies, ‘Although, I’m not much of a performer. I’m more of a songwriter’

‘Why can’t you be both?’, Baekhyun asks to which Chanyeol gives a thought. He’s wondered what it feels like to release his album and perform in a bigger stage playing his songs, but then again, life isn’t as generous as they were promised when they were young, so he had to get by in writing songs for other artists. It’s no big deal. He just doesn’t know how to write songs for himself anymore.

‘Maybe one day’

‘I think you have it in you’, Baekhyun encourages, stopping once they finally reach the bus stop, the pair waiting together, Baekhyun shivering from the breeze. Chanyeol didn’t want to argue with him. He didn’t want to tell the beautiful man of his baggage and insecurities, not when he can spend the rest of the night watching him smile instead. He’d much rather prefer that.

Their time spent together grows, with Chanyeol being more or less unemployed, bringing his scratched-up guitar to the park where he finds Baekhyun reading a book after work. The two find comfort in each other, their humour both dry yet competent to kill the boredom between the two of them. Chanyeol continues to notice the little beauties hidden in Baekhyun, like the beauty spot below his lip, or the way he smiles, his teeth and gums showing, eyes disappearing in a crescent moon-like shape. Even his little nuance has kept Chanyeol up all night, a motion of somewhat obsession that Chanyeol’s never felt for anyone before – or maybe he has – he’s forgotten most of his exes the moment they separate ways. But the feeling of something new coming into his life is something he has yet to get bored of – since he’s a man who always wants to spot something new and shiny to keep – and in this case, it comes in the form of the beauty sitting next to him.

‘So, anything new you’ve got?’, Baekhyun asks as he watches Chanyeol tune the strings of his guitar, waiting patiently, leaning his arms on the table. After work, he feels excited when he sees the tall guy walking towards him and his usual seat with a guitar case behind his back. It made him look forward to the evening ahead of him, despite the growing cold, his coat wrapped around him. He still feels chilly but that doesn’t stop him from listening to Chanyeol. He can never get used to it, how brilliantly natural he is, how smooth the melody jumps out of his fingers.

‘I may be getting out of my slump’, Chanyeol says.

‘Oh really? Have you written something new?’

‘Maybe’

‘Let’s hear it then’

Kyungsoo walks into the kitchen at one o’clock in the morning, seeing that the lights are already open, the strong strums of the guitar playing. He looks at the dining table, bombarded in scraps of paper, Chanyeol’s messy writing written all over it.

‘Finally getting your groove back?’, Kyungsoo asks as he turns on the kettle, making himself a cup of tea after a restless night, looking at the way Chanyeol’s brow furrowed in concentration, smelling the smoke from his shirt.

‘Yeah, I think I can finish this song by the end of the day’

‘It’s one o’clock Chan, this is the end of the day’

‘Oh, stop being such a smartass’, Chanyeol rolls his eyes, looking down at his lyrics, ignoring his dented skin and ink-covered fingers, his eyes scanning on the words, never-ending in his mind. He keeps on thinking about his smile, the way his nose crunched when he laughs, his eyes brightly looking at him as he sits on the park table, strumming his guitar in the cold, only the two of them present.

‘Is this because of a certain stranger catching your eye?’, Kyungsoo asks when he notices the smile which hints at Chanyeol’s lips, knowing the same smile, ‘Let me guess, it’s that Baekhyun guy, right?’

‘You should meet him Kyungsoo’, Chanyeol finally looks up and watches his best friend pouring himself a hot cup of tea, ‘You’d love him’

‘I probably will’, Kyungsoo says, sitting down in front of Chanyeol, taking a piece of paper and reading the words, smiling when he realised the old emotions his best friend used to emit when writing his songs can subtly be felt in Chanyeol’s newer works. Whoever this stranger is, if he can make Chanyeol feel like this again, then he’s good in his books.

Chanyeol leans on the wall outside of Asda, a fag hanging between his lips, his frozen hands bringing his lighter forward. The night is brutal cold, his coat not doing shit in keeping him warm. Despite that, Chanyeol finds himself taking a walk around the neighbourhood. Midnight has always been his friend, with the notion of busy London passing him by, it’s nice to find peace and emptiness in a city which refuses to sleep, seeing the empty roads which he walks on, jumping on the park benches and laying on the concrete floor. Ironically the feeling of emptiness made him feel alive, made him feel like he can breathe again.

‘Chanyeol?’

‘Baekhyun?’

The beautiful stranger – who’s no longer a stranger – walks up to him, a small plastic bag hanging on his arm, his hands hidden deep in his pockets, probably to try and keep warm too.

‘What’re you up to?’, Baekhyun asks to which Chanyeol chuckles, breathing out an air of smoke. Baekhyun coughs.

‘Sorry’, Chanyeol apologised, once he noticed the man furrow his brow and scrunch his nose at the smell. He takes the cigarette out of his lips, placing it between his fingers and lowering it, ‘You probably hate the smell’

‘Yeah, kinda’, Baekhyun admits, awkwardly chuckling as he stands beside Chanyeol, leaning on the wall.

‘Wanna try it?’, Chanyeol offers and he laughs when Baekhyun shakes his head, his disgusted expression back on his face.

‘I hate cigarettes’

‘Yeah, I can tell’, Chanyeol comments, the flickering lights from the street lamps making their shadows dance.

‘Why did you start smoking?’, Baekhyun suddenly asks to which Chanyeol chuckles, placing the cigarette back between his dried lips, ‘Sorry’, he quickly apologised when he noticed the latter’s reaction.

‘Don’t worry about it’, Chanyeol responds, ‘It’s a plausible question’

‘Are you going to answer it?’

‘Bad influence, I guess’, Chanyeol shrugs his shoulders, blowing out another air of grey smoke, this time turning his head away from Baekhyun, ‘I supposed we’ve all hung out with dickheads before’

‘True’, Baekhyun nods, ‘Is that all you learnt from them though?’

‘Oh God no’, Chanyeol laughs, ‘This is child’s play compared to what I used to do’, he laughs at the memory now, but no more than three years ago, he probably wouldn’t be finding his situation amusing.

‘But, you’re okay now, right?’

‘Why the sudden worry?’, Chanyeol tilts his head, pulling his hoodie up and looking down at Baekhyun. His new friend just gives him a vague smile, leaning on the wall and coughing slightly – probably from the smell of cigarettes.

‘I just don’t want a friend of mine to go through shit’

‘I’m your friend?’

‘Well, what else are you going to be?’, Baekhyun smiles, his chuckles filling the silent night to which became music to Chanyeol’s ears – fuck – he can feel himself turn into a useless fucking romantic.

Chanyeol quits smoking. Well, he tries.

Kyungsoo is freaked out about the sudden change of habit as he walks in to find plastic bags full of nicotine patches replacing Chanyeol’s usual purchase of fags. He sees his best friend’s sleeves rolled up as he strums on his guitar, editing something on his laptop and his eyes peer on the patches stuck all over his arm.

‘What the hell are you doing?’, he asks, pointing at the squares on his skin to which Chanyeol gives him the widest grin, lifting his half-empty coffee mug and draining the rest of the content down in one go.

‘Aren’t you proud of me?’, he says, the goofy smile never leaving his face, ‘It’s been three days and no smoke’

‘You’ll get cravings soon’, Kyungsoo points out with his monotonous voice, not at all excited as Chanyeol expected him to be, but then again, he’d tried quitting before and only got up to his third day before he gave up and bought himself a packet of cigarette, finishing it all in one night. He pats his best friend on the back as comfort and reclamation that he’s seen the poor dick trying, but he doesn’t say much else as he makes himself a cup of tea.

‘You know, you should be more excited’, Chanyeol says, ‘If you were like this three years ago, I’d be dead’, Kyungsoo freezes, turning to face him, his eyes looming in curiosity. No matter what happened three years ago, Chanyeol never mentioned it the moment they moved into their new house after they both promised that this new chapter of their life will be as far away from who they were when they left their hometown. Kyungsoo never brings it up in fear it might trigger Chanyeol and he gave up trying to make the latter open up about it himself, so to hear him mention it so nonchalantly made him nervous more than relieved.

‘What’s going on?’, he asks again, this time more worried.

‘Nothing’, Chanyeol once again smiles at him, and this time, Kyungsoo noticed that the smile looked familiar. It looked like the smile Chanyeol used to make way back when life didn’t fuck them over.

‘Is it that new kid?’, he asks now that he’s thinking about it, slowly realising that Chanyeol’s time recently has been spent with the new guy he’s been talking about. His best friend didn’t say anything, but the smile on his face didn’t leave either and that’s more than enough of an answer for Kyungsoo.

He smiles at the sight. But he hides something else.

‘Move outta my way’, Chanyeol pushes past a random stranger, his attitude at its peak, his hands shaking and head dizzy. He’s been off cigarettes for three and a half days and he feels like he’s going crazy. He’s cranky and he wants to throw a punch at the first person he sees. Kyungsoo’s right, Chanyeol has a hard time passing the third day and he feels like he might give up today and buy a packet. He doesn’t want to, but he passes a convenience store and he sees the stack of cigarette packets hidden behind a locked counter at the back of the cashier and all of a sudden, he wants to fill his lungs with smoke.

He pushes past the crowd and walks in, feeling the warmth of the store as he walks straight to the cashier, pushing past yet another stranger minding his business.

‘Woah’, Baekhyun is about to call out the rude man who pushed him when he recognised Chanyeol, even with his hood up, ‘Are you okay?’, he noticed how agitated the tall man was, dark circles forming under his eyes, ‘What’s going on?

‘Nothing’, the latter replies, forcing to suppress his anger at the sight of the beautiful man before him. He didn’t want to show Baekhyun his shit side, so he bites the inside of his tongue and hides his shaky hands inside his pockets, ‘I’m just…’

‘Just what?’

‘Just at my millionth time failing to quit’, Chanyeol fakes a smile, walking over to the counter and pointing at the packet of cigarette to the cashier, asking for two to which Baekhyun walks over and stands beside him.

‘You’re quitting?’

‘I was’, Chanyeol admits whilst he hands his spare change to the man behind the counter.

‘Woah, how long?’

‘Three days’

‘Okay’, Baekhyun nods, grabbing the two packets of cigarettes before Chanyeol can grab it, ‘Well, make it four then’

‘Baekhyun, give that back’, Chanyeol says, his voice hoarse and calm yet his eyes say otherwise, glaring at him as he walks backwards, giving him a sly smile whilst he still had the packets in his hands.

‘I’ll take these as a gift’, he calls out to him, ‘Make sure you make it up to five when we meet again’

‘Baekhyun, I’m not joking, give that back’, he says again, this time growling at the end of his voice can be heard, stomping to Baekhyun and reaching his hand out, ‘I need a fag’

‘What you need is some motivation’, Baekhyun points out, breathing out the fog as they walk outside and immediately gets hit with the cold, ‘Once you get past the first week, it’ll be easier’

‘I don’t give a shit, just give me my fag’, Chanyeol threatens, his eyes glaring as he grips on Baekhyun’s wrist, tugging him, ‘Give it to me, now’

‘No’, Baekhyun’s smile is gone as he glares back at Chanyeol, holding onto the latter’s grip on him, pushing back, ‘If you’re going to quit, don’t give up’

‘I’m not in the mood to joke around’

‘I’m not joking’, Baekhyun pushes him, ‘I’m telling you to keep going’

‘And why should I?’, Chanyeol groans, ‘I felt shit all day and all I need is a-’, Chanyeol stops talking as soon as he sees Baekhyun opening both packets, spilling each fag on the wet ground and stepping on them to which he instantly pushes him away, forcing him to stop his actions, ‘What the actual fuck?!’, he screams at him, ‘Do you fucking know how much those cost?’

‘Well, looks like you don’t have money to buy yourself another pack’, Baekhyun simply shrugs, throwing the empty packets on the floor, letting it join the damp cigarettes between them.

‘You’re a cunt, you know, that right?’

Baekhyun seems taken aback by Chanyeol’s harsh words, feeling his chest tighten at the way the latter glared at him.

‘I’m only trying to help’, he defends himself, but Chanyeol isn’t having any of it as he pushes him again, this time harsher than before, Baekhyun almost losing his balance, ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’

‘Stop buggering me and stay out of my business’, Chanyeol growls, grabbing his collar and tugging him closer to him, ‘If I wanted a fag, then let me have one’

‘Shout at me all you want, but if you don’t get past your third day, then you’ll never fucking quit’, Baekhyun threatens him back by pushing him away, ripping Chanyeol’s hands out of his shirt, ‘So suck it up for another fucking night’, annoyed at the latter, he turns his back and leaves Chanyeol to sulk by himself, not wanting to argue any further.

This left Chanyeol with a dilemma as he looks down on the floor, seeing the cigarettes still there, contemplating whether to pick one up and hope it’ll light up. But his anger and annoyance with Baekhyun caused him to stomp back home without thinking about anything else, other than the fact that he needed some fucking coffee or else his head will explode.

He bangs the door shut, causing a rippling noise to shout across the house, informing Kyungsoo that he’s home.

‘What’s up with you?’, Kyungsoo asks as he checks up on him, concerned with his agitated attitude as he punches the wall, ‘Hey, Chanyeol, what the fuck?’

‘He’s a fucking prick’, Chanyeol grinds his teeth, closing his eyes as he tries not to think about him, ‘Twenty quid wasted on the fucking floor’

‘What the fuck are you talking about?’

‘Baekhyun’, Chanyeol hisses his name, ‘The prick threw my cigarettes out before I can even-’

‘Woah, wait a minute’, Kyungsoo stops him, ‘You haven’t smoked today?’

‘I was about to until this prick stole my packet and threw them’

‘He did that?’, Kyungsoo asks, raising an eyebrow and smirking, slightly impressed by the stranger’s bravery. Chanyeol can get violent and harsh when he’s craving, which is why Kyungsoo doesn’t stop him anymore when he leaps out of the house to grab a new packet after another failed attempt at quitting.

‘Fucking prick’, Chanyeol hisses again, but Kyungsoo’s still smiling, seeing that Chanyeol has no impulse to go buy another packet – the bastard might be successful this time around.

Kyungsoo, albeit his annoyance at hearing his best friend talk for hours, listened to some of Chanyeol’s stories and knows that he and the new man in his life have been meeting in the park recently in the afternoon. He had no plans to meet the new stranger that’s edged his way into Chanyeol’s life, but after about a week of observation, he thought it’d be best to finally interject.

He had an idea of what he looked like after sneaking a look at Chanyeol’s phone, seeing one canon photo of the man reading something, his eyes glued on the pages and unaware of the camera pointed at him. Kyungsoo can only wish he can recognise the man quickly since the winter winds are getting cruel and all he wants is to find the warmth. He wondered if the man is still going to be hanging around the park during the cruel weather, but his speculations are put into rest when he finds a man akin to the photo engrained in his mind, sitting on a park bench with a book open in his hands.

‘Baekhyun?’, he says the name and sighs in relief when he sees the man look up at him.

‘Who are you?’

‘I’m Kyungsoo… Uh, I’m a friend of Chanyeol’s’

‘Oh’, is all he managed to say, his expression still confused.

‘Chanyeol told me about you’

‘Has he?’

‘Yeah’, Kyungsoo smiles, ‘He’s doing great by the way’

‘Oh’

‘I just wanted you to know that cos I heard you helped him get passed his fourth day’

‘He’s still going?’

‘Yeah, it’s been a whole week and he still hasn’t touched a cigarette’, Kyungsoo informs him, seeing a small smile creeping in Baekhyun’s expression, ‘And his mood’s gotten a lot better, so he’s out of that phase too’

‘That’s good’

‘Look, I wanted to come here because he’s being a coward and doesn’t wanna admit that he feels guilty lashing out on you’, Kyungsoo finally explains himself, sitting down next to Baekhyun, ‘Whatever he said to you, he didn’t mean it… You know how it is when smokers quit… They get irritated easily’

‘Yeah, I know…’, Baekhyun nods, a slight sadness hinted at his voice, ‘I’m not gonna lie though, he was a bit of a dick’

‘A bit?’, Kyungsoo laughs, ‘Don’t downplay it, he was a major cunt to you, wasn’t he?’

‘You guys use that word so freely’, Baekhyun cringes, feeling discomfort to which Kyungsoo apologises for.

‘Sorry, you end up talking like Chanyeol the more you hang out with him’, Kyungsoo says, ‘But, I hope you don’t hold a grudge on him. He’s a dick, but he’s a nice guy’

Chanyeol finds a surprise on a Friday night at The Common when Kyungsoo bailed out on meeting him after his performance, ditching him for the first time only to be replaced by Baekhyun sitting in his seat instead.

He misses a beat as he stares at him, coughing as he’s forced to start again.

Baekhyun laughs at his reaction, leaning back on the chair and watching Chanyeol play, his voice soft yet deep as he begins to sing. They haven’t seen each other since their recent fight, so there’s awkwardness in their glances, but just as quickly as Baekhyun felt safe around Chanyeol, they both threw out the discomfort in the fight, cleaning the slate as Chanyeol finishes his song, Baekhyun clapping for him.

‘So, you decided to visit’, Chanyeol asks as he packs his guitar away, approaching Baekhyun’s table.

‘Well, I was waiting for a certain douche to apologise to me, but he never came’, Baekhyun sighs, faking a concerned look, ‘So I guess I have to look for my apology’

‘Right’, Chanyeol nods, remembering his impulsive anger, feeling guilty again, ‘Sorry about that’

‘It’s okay’, Baekhyun finally smiles again, ‘I heard my interjectory worked. You’ve officially quit smoking’

‘Two weeks and counting’, Chanyeol smiles back at him, ‘All thanks to you by the way’

‘Well, I’ve been told that I’m an amazing influence on others’, Baekhyun jokes, laughing as he takes a sip of his drink, the two finally making space for each other.

The singer looks down on his watch. 1.02 am.

‘You should probably get going, it’s getting late’, he mentions, Baekhyun nodding in agreement as he finishes his last bottle, the two-walking side by side as Chanyeol offers to drop him home. Their short friendship stopped when Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun’s side profile, noticing just how beautiful the man is – he’s always known Baekhyun is pretty – but in the night, with just the streetlights shining down on them, he felt more intrigued by the man, so much so that he wanted to feel his soft lips against his.

Chanyeol wants to feel Baekhyun, all of him, as soon as they stopped walking, Baekhyun leaning on the gates of his house, smiling at Chanyeol as they make it to his home.

He’s always had an impulsive attitude, leaping headfirst in the first opportunity that he can feel alive and euphoric, thus the numerous drugs and sex, yet this time, the way Baekhyun waves at him, his voice when he parts, made him want to do the complete opposite. He didn’t want to jump headfirst. For the first time, he wanted to savour the moment, to take his time and slowly fall in love with Byun Baekhyun.

So, he lets him go, waving goodbye to him with a small smile on his face, promising that the next time they meet, he’ll make Baekhyun fall in love with him.

Two months have passed and Chanyeol is busy. Much busy than he had expected, with the promise of a new collaboration with big bands preparing their new album.

‘The 1975?’, Kyungsoo reads the e-mail, ‘Didn’t you just finish working with Lewis Capaldi?’, he asks as he enters Chanyeol’s room, which is now in a messy state even though he remembered cleaning it a few weeks ago, clothes all over the floor, crumbs and coke stains on the table whilst Chanyeol strums his guitar, creating a new melody.

‘I’ve sent a few of my samples to their company and apparently, the band likes it and wants to work with me’, Chanyeol informs him, yet his eyes are still glued to his laptop, his guitar pick hanging on the edge of his lips, calloused fingers typing something fast, ‘I need to send them my demo by the end of the week’

‘You’re suddenly overworking yourself’, his best friend comments, ‘Don’t go overboard like last time’

‘The last time I overworked, we manage to pay our rent on time with money to spare’, Chanyeol points out, giving his best friend a cheeky smile to which Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

‘You also collapsed and spent a week in hospital’

‘You only remember the bad stuff’

‘You make me remember the bad stuff’, he retaliates to which Chanyeol can’t refute. He remembered waking up and seeing Kyungsoo sitting by his side, sitting uncomfortably on the chair whilst resting his head on the bed, gaining some sleep whilst caring for Chanyeol. The latter has always felt guilty for Kyungsoo’s sacrifices for him – all he ever wants to do is make it up to him.

‘Just you wait’, Chanyeol smiles, his optimism seeping in, ‘Once Harry releases his album, we’re going to be filthy rich’

‘You said that last time when you worked with Stormzy, but guess where you spent all the money on?’

‘I quit smoking!’, Chanyeol shouts proudly, ‘I’m not even on nicotine patches anymore!’

‘Are you gonna quit smoking weed too?’, Kyungsoo asks to which his best friend gives him to silence – an obvious choice, ‘Exactly’

‘I won’t waste it on drugs this time, I promise’

‘Why would I believe you?’

‘I quit smoking, didn’t I?’

Three years ago

‘Chanyeol’s been taken into an institute’

Of fucking course, he is. Kyungsoo knew that it was only a matter of time before he sees his best friend hollow and broken. The only regret he has was that he wasn’t there at Chanyeol’s collapse.

‘He was out with friends’

‘He’s been arrested for pickpocketing again’

‘He’s been diagnosed with clinical depression and ICD’

All the words and rumours flying around about him had gotten out of control. Their hometown – small and community-driven – couldn’t help but spread the stories until it reached the edges of town, known by everyone who had no business poking their noses at their direction.

‘Kyungsoo, are you alright dear?’, his mother asked him, she noticed his agitated state, his legs shaken as he left his untouched tea go cold, ‘Darling, we’re not allowed to visit Chanyeol yet, but-’

‘He needs me Mum’, Kyungsoo interrupted her, worried for the friend he had kept close since they were teenagers, ‘I’m supposed to be there for him, but I’m not’

‘You’ve done everything you can’, his mother assured him, ‘But there’s a point where he needs to do it himself. He needs to save himself’

‘You like him, don’t you?’, Kyungsoo asks as he watches Chanyeol smiling, looking down at his screen to which the former peaks to find a picture of Baekhyun. He notices that his friend would feel lighter, relaxed when he’s speaking about the man and it made him feel something he hasn’t felt for years.

Their time spent together is not labelled as anything. Chanyeol himself doesn’t even know what they have, friendship? More than that? A growing fondness? Sexual desire? He couldn’t lie to himself. He’d thought of pinning Baekhyun to the wall and fucking him – he’s thought of obscene things that got him staying up and wanking off to the image of Baekhyun’s voice moaning his name. But that’s the thing, he didn’t know whether the feelings are reciprocated. He supposes he didn’t hide his feelings much with the way he spent most of his hours with Baekhyun, even the way he looks at the latter, bystanders can tell that there’s something more to it than friendship. But what?

Seems like Chanyeol needs to figure it out and tell Baekhyun.