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It wasn’t natural. Sure, he’d tried to wrap his head around Sam’s explanations of Cage trauma and Castiel not being in his true form and therefore it not meaning much to him and Sam had always been a little weird about this stuff anyway. Still. Dean did not understand how two guys could be married, all up in each other’s personal space all the time, and not having sex. Either they were fucking and lying to Dean about it for some stupid-ass reason, or there was something seriously wrong in their relationship and they weren’t talking to him about it.
He’d taken to sneaking around, trying to catch them letting their guard down. “Forgetting” things so he’d have to go by their room at night, listening in at their door, dropping subtle hints that if there was anything they needed to talk to him about, Castiel was about the one person who he’d let get away with telling him that Sam wasn’t perfect and of course Sam could tell him anything, that sort of thing. Nothing worked. In his more contemplative moments, a small part of his brain told him it was kind of weird trying to catch his brother and his best friend in the middle of fucking and was there something going on in his subconscious he wanted to admit to himself, but that was easily dismissed with a beer and a skin mag. He just wanted to know that his brother and his best friend were all right, that they were happy together. Nothing weird about that.
This time, though... this time his plan was foolproof. He’d told Sam and Cas he was going into town to find a bar and that they should enjoy having the Bunker to themselves. He’d drive off a ways, walk back so they wouldn’t hear the Impala’s engine, and sneak in through the garage. The walk back and sneaking in would take long enough that they should be good and comfortable and getting into things, and he could reassure himself that things were good. Then he could sneak back out and go into town for real and get laid himself. It was a good plan.
When he got back, though, he did not find what he expected. Sam and Castiel were sitting at one of the tables in the library with... “Are you playing checkers?!”
“We’re playing checkers,” Castiel confirmed. “If you don’t like it, leave.”
Sam looked up from the checkerboard, staring hard at Dean. “Weren’t you supposed to be gone tonight anyway?”
“I... you guys were supposed to take advantage of that! Not play checkers!”
Sam and Castiel stared at each other long enough for Dean to start getting uncomfortable. Finally, Sam stood up. “Okay. Sit. Since you’re so damn worried about the two of us not having the relationship you expect us to have, you can sit and watch us play checkers and see how we play it. Broaden your horizons a bit.”
“What the hell does that mean? You guys...” An idea hit him, and he grinned. “Oh, is this strip checkers? Every piece you lose, you lose an item of clothing?”
Castiel rolled his eyes and Sam groaned. “No, Dean. Just watch.”
Dean watched. When Sam jumped two of Castiel’s pieces, he closed his eyes. Dean couldn’t see what was happening, but from the look on Sam’s face, it was awesome. “What was that?”
“That was me using my grace to play with Sam’s hair, and to work out some tightness in his hamstring,” Castiel explained. “It’s quite soothing for him.”
...Huh. That explained why Sam always looked so happy and relaxed after spending some time with Castiel. Still not sex, but hey, a good massage was great foreplay. He could wait.
When Castiel captured a piece, Dean figured he get to see something, at least. Sam didn’t have grace; he’d have to use his body to touch Castiel. Instead, it was the same as before, Castiel looking the same as ever while Sam closed his eyes and... okay, that was a bit of a moan, things were getting pretty good even if Dean couldn’t see it happening. Castiel turned his head to glare at Dean. “It’s not what you think. That was me drawing power from Sam’s soul to heal my wings. I can’t do it too often, or for too long, but as long as Sam’s not overtaxed it can be a quite pleasant experience for him.”
Okay then. Dean stretched back and let them get on with the game. When it was over - Sam won - Dean perked back up. Surely now it was time for them to get on with getting it on.
Instead, they just packed up the checkerboard. Sam at least got a congratulations kiss, but that was it. Castiel turned to Dean. “Typically after a game, we’ll either go watch something on NetFlix or I’ll read to Sam. Do you want to come watch that too, or have you gotten it through your head that our relationship may not look like what you expect but it makes us both happy and satisfied?”
“So you guys... you really aren’t...”
“I know it wouldn’t work for you, Dean, but it does for us,” Sam said. “I keep hoping one day you’ll recognize that, and stop creeping around like some kind of stalker weirdo trying to catch us doing something we don’t do.”