Work Text:
<June 14th, 2014>
<Dean>
<13:27>
Oh my god. Gabe just called.
<13:27>
Jesus H fucking Christ, Cas
<13:27>
Are you okay?????? xx
<Cas>
<13:28>
I’m alive, babe x
<Dean>
<13:28>
Thank fuck. What happened? x
<Cas>
<13:29>
Ugh. I’ll explain later. Kind of groggy x
<Dean>
<13:29>
Make sure you get the hot nurses though, okay? x
<Cas>
<13:30>
There’s only one hot person I want to see right now ;) x
<Dean>
<13:30>
Psht, look at you. In the hospital and still a huge flirt. Get some sleep. Love you x
<Cas>
<13:31>
Don’t play the game if you can’t handle it! Love you, too x
<Cas>
<18:08>
Entertain me, I’m bored x
<Dean>
<18:08>
S’not my job. Entertain yourself :p x
<Cas>
<18:09>
It is indeed your job. x
<Dean>
<18:09>
Okay, fine. Weirdo x
<18:09>
Gather round, children, it’s time for a story.
<18:10>
T’was the Winter of 2012, two days before everyone thought the world was ending.
<Cas>
<18:10>
This story? And you say you’re not into chick flick moments. x
<Dean>
<18:10>
Do you want a story or not, loser? x
<Cas>
<18:11>
Fire away x
<Dean>
<18:11>
*ahem*
<18:12>
Two idiotic best friends decided to go for a day trip up to some random-ass hill ‘cause it was snowing and they wanted a snowball fight.
<18:12>
You’d think they were eight.
<18:12>
Nope. Seventeen.
<18:13>
One was the biggest virgin ever to grace this earth.
<Cas>
<18:13>
Rude x
<Dean>
<18:13>
I was talking about me, but if the shoe fits x
<Cas>
<18:14>
I hate you x
<Dean>
<18:14>
No you don’t. Shall I continue? x
<Cas>
<18:14>
Please x
<Dean>
<18:15>
After they were satisfied that they’d shoved enough snow down each other’s throats, they sat down on a nearby wooden bench at the top of the hill.
<18:15>
Because it was so cold, they ended up sitting very close to one another.
<18:16>
The better looking one decided to finally get over himself, and maintained that if he was rejected, he could blame it on the cold making him delusional.
<18:16>
And so, he kissed the boy with the name of an angel and the eyes to match.
<18:16>
And it was hot. Like, cold outside, but *hot*.
<18:17>
They kept kissing, and it was the nicest thing.
<18:17>
It was like a light had been turned on for the more attractive one.
<18:17>
Because his world wasn’t the brightest.
<18:17>
But he could suddenly see in colour.
<18:17>
Everything felt right, and he was happier than ever, because his best friend accepted him as more than a best friend.
<Cas>
<18:18>
You weren’t supposed to make me cry, you dick x
<18:19>
I’ve never heard you say it like that before x
<18:19>
That was beautiful x
<Dean>
<18:19>
Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up. I’m nobody’s poet x
<Cas>
<18:20>
You’re my poet x
<Dean>
<18:20>
You’re such a chick x
<Cas>
<18:21>
I don’t care, you’d love me either way x
<Dean>
<18:21>
Yes I would x
<18:22>
I gotta go, mom’s doing steak! I’ll talk to you tomorrow okay x
<Cas>
<18:22>
See you x
<June 16th, 2014>
<Dean>
<01:51>
Nice to see you today. You looked kinda pale but still gorgeous ;) x
<Cas>
<01:51>
Don’t play it down, I know I look like shit x
<01:51>
Keep getting headaches x
<01:52>
Such bad headaches x
<Dean>
<01:52>
Tell your nurses, dumbass x
<Cas>
<01:53>
They know. Having a scan soon x
<Dean>
<01:53>
How soon? x
<Cas>
<01:54>
In about two days. I’m not sure, just whenever they can fit me in x
<01:54>
Speaking of which, my head is really hurting. So I’m gonna sleep now. Goodnight! Love you! See you tomorrow? xx
<Dean>
<01:54>
Definitely x
<June 17th, 2014>
<Dean>
<02:37>
Heya Cas, you still awake? x
<Cas>
<02:38>
As always. x
<Dean>
<02:38>
You okay? x
<Cas>
<02:38>
This hospital…its weird. x
<Dean>
<02:39>
Weird how? x
<Cas>
<02:39>
Makes me feeel ill.
<Dean>
<02:39>
Ill how? What's wrong? xx
<Cas>
<02:40>
Dont know. Ow. Head hurst
<02:40>
I cant see dean im gona sleep xx
<Dean>
<02:40>
Ow? Are you okay? x
<02:40>
Cas???
<02:41>
CAS!
<02:41>
Shit, please be okay.
<02:45>
I called the hospital. The line wasn't operating. Text me back or I'm calling 911.
<Cas>
<02:46>
I love you.
<Dean>
<02:46>
I love you too.
<02:46>
Are you okay? x
<02:47>
You scared me, man. You're just sleepy, right? Tell me you're just tired. x
<03:03>
I'm shaking, Cas. Please be okay. x
<03:24>
God, what's wrong with me? Of course you're just tired. Just sleeping. x
<03:24>
I'm still calling the hospital first thing tomorrow though. x
<03:24>
You're gonna laugh when you see these. x
<03:25>
Night Cas. Love you xx
<Dean>
<06:00>
I'm on hold. Fuck, hospitals are slow. x
<06:00>
Caaaaaaaaas. This is your conscience. Waaaaaaaake up. x
<06:00>
Wake up for your gorgeous boyfriend who's worried about you. x
<06:10>
You've gotta be fucking kidding me.
<06:10>
CASTIEL STOP THIS BULLSHIT RIGHT NOW.
<06:10>
The nurse said you deteriorated--
<06:10>
Cas, please.
<06:11>
I'm coming today. Be there in a few minutes. You better be awake when I get there.
<Dean>
<06:21>
They won't let me see you.
<06:21>
What the fuck is going on???
<06:22>
Since when is it family only for you??
<06:22>
Wait until this grumpy fucking night nurse gets off. For all intents and purposes, I'm your cousin.
<06:23>
Which one shall I use?
<06:23>
Which one's in France?
<06:23>
Balthazar? Yeah I'll be him. x
<06:24>
Why'd you have to go get yourself hurt, huh? It's exactly like you. Worrying us all to death. x
<06:25>
Holy fuck, your dad's here. x
<06:25>
I'm really starting to panic. For the love of God, Cas, answer me. x
<06:27>
'You're not allowed to have a phone in here' she says. 'Go fuck yourself' I say. x
<06:28>
So tired. Didn't sleep at all last night. Threw up a couple times. A few hours yesterday was not enough. I miss your face. x
<06:28>
Okay that was cheesy. x
<06:28>
I do though. I wanna see your blue eyes. x
<06:30>
Ey, new nurse. x
<06:33>
'Go home' she says. 'Go fuck yourself' I say. x
<06:33>
I feel like these nurses don't like me. Should probably stop telling them to go fuck themselves. x
<06:35>
Cas, c'mon. I need a line. Something to let me know you're okay. x
<06:35>
My battery's dying. I'll be here til someone lets me in. xx
<Dean>
<12:31>
Nobody let me in. Bought a charger from the store. x
<12:31>
I'm hungry, what should I get for lunch? x
<12:33>
Ham salad sandwich. Ugh, gross. You always liked that though, so here I am, sitting in a shitty hospital, eating shitty hospital store food. x
<12:36>
That tasted like shit. x
<12:36>
Your dad glared at me earlier. Like excuse me is it my fault your son loves me more? x
<12:39>
Damn. I gotta go home, Sammy's not well. I'll be back later though. x
<12:39>
Miss you. Love you x
<Dean>
<15:03>
Your brother just called. x
<15:03>
Gabriel. x
<15:03>
He told me not to go back to the hospital today. x
<15:03>
What the fuck?? x
<15:04>
Answer me!!! x
<Dean>
<18:22>
Shit. Shit shit shit. Gabriel called again.
<18:22>
Cas why??
<18:22>
Wake up!!!!
<18:22>
I need you.
<18:22>
We're family.
<18:22>
I love you.
<Dean>
<21:41>
Nothing's on TV. Wake up so you can recommend a movie. x
<21:42>
Remember your birthday last year? x
<21:42>
God, we missed some good movies.
<21:42>
Can't complain though, making out with you was a great alternative.
<21:43>
God, your lips.
<21:43>
God, your body.
<21:43>
Your filthy mind, too. Christ, Cas, you're perfect. x
<21:43>
It was that evening that we did it for the first time, wasn't it? That was such a good evening. x
<21:44>
It wasn't the night I fell for you, though. x
<21:44>
Hell no, I fell for you long before that. x
<21:45>
You were so beautiful that first day. Fuckin' tenth grade, Cas. The first day I met you. The first day of tenth grade. We were fifteen, man. Fifteen year olds aren't meant to fall in love. x
<21:46>
Did you fall for me the same time I fell for you? I don't know, I hid it for so long. Not sure why. Just denying myself, I guess. x
<21:46>
Remember just before we went public? Secret kisses, making out behind the school. x
<21:47>
I miss that. It was so simple. x
<21:47>
Before people started scrawling 'fag' on my locker. Before they beat you up. Jesus, that was a hard few months. x
<21:48>
Thank God for Charlie and Jo, right? If they weren't there to kick ass, who knows what we'd have done. x
<21:48>
Oh great, now I'm crying. x
<21:49>
I'm gonna stow it. It's not like you're dead. x
<21:50>
Sam's calling me. I think mom wants to hand out cocoa and biscuits. Don't wanna go. x
<21:51>
Gotta go. Damn. Talk to you later. Love you xx
<June 18th, 2014>
<Gabriel>
<01:21>
Deano, Cas getting worse. Nurses recommending life support. Getting you special pass to get in tomorrow. Call me in morning. First thing??
<Dean>
<01:21>
Fuck. Will do. What's happening to him?
<Gabriel>
<01:22>
They say he's not coming out of coma. Brain damage. I'm scared.
<Dean>
<01:22>
He'll be okay. Bastard's too stubborn to be anything else.
<Gabriel>
<01:22>
Promise?
<Dean>
<01:26>
No, I can't.
<Dean>
<06:01>
Morning! xx
<06:01>
I'm gonna get to see you today! Missed your face yesterday. x
<06:02>
Driving over now, obviously not gonna text while driving. Talk about irony. x
<Dean>
<06:22>
I hate hospitals. Smell of disinfectant. x
<06:22>
You don't, of course. You're like a ball of warmth and goodness. x
<06:22>
That was weird. Sorry. I'm just excited. See you in a few minutes!! x
<06:23>
Gabe's talking to the nurse. Missed you. Love you. x
<Dean>
<10:38>
Holy fuck. Holy fucking shit. I can't breathe. Fuck, Cas.
<10:39>
You look like shit, no offence. There's no colour on your face. So pale.
<10:40>
Makes me wonder, if that's what's there of your body, where are *you*?
<Dean>
<12:53>
Left you briefly to get lunch. I plugged your phone in to charge, no worries. x
<12:54>
You're going in life support in a few minutes. They told me to get out while they do it. Bitches. x
<12:54>
How about tuna mayo today? x
<12:54>
No, you hate that. I'm not having ham salad again. x
<12:56>
I got ham salad. x
<12:56>
You'll be the death of me. x
<Mom>
<18:43>
Hon, come home for dinner xx
<18:45>
Dean, honey, please? xx
<18:46>
Cas isn't going anywhere baby xx
<18:48>
He's not gonna mind if you leave him for a while xx
<18:50>
If you're not going to come home, please eat something. Let us know. I love you xx
<Dean>
<18:53>
Not coming home. Staying with Cas. Love you.
<June 19th, 2014>
<Dean>
<06:21>
Shit. The nurses kicked me out. I held your hand all night, Cas. You were cold. x
<06:22>
Your brother Michael tried to shoo me off. I told him to go fuck himself. x
<06:22>
Didn't sleep. I hate myself for it, but I have to go, man. x
<06:22>
Okay, gonna drive home. So tired. I love you, see you later xx
<Dean>
<15:42>
SHIT.
<15:42>
I overslept.
<15:42>
I have three missed calls from your brother.
<15:43>
Please be okay.
<15:47>
Thank God. x
<15:47>
Sorry, I panicked. You're fine, of course you are. x
<15:47>
I'm on my way down, be there in a sec. x
<Mom>
<15:49>
Where are you going? xx
<Dean>
<15:49>
Hospital.
<Mom>
<15:50>
You need a break from worrying about Cas xx
<Dean>
<15:51>
Why didn't you wake me?
<Mom>
<15:51>
You were out all night, you needed to sleep xx
<Dean>
<15:52>
Anything could have happened to him!
<Mom>
<15:53>
I know, baby, but this is too much for you xx
<Dean>
<15:54>
Nothing's ever too much for me, not where Cas is concerned.
<Dean>
<16:26>
I wish you'd wake up. I wanna see your eyes. x
<Dean>
<20:08>
The life support machine's annoying as fuck. Beeping and whirring and shit. Dammit Cas, get yourself together. There are people here who love you. x
<Dean>
<22:59>
You used to have such a strong will to live. x
<23:00>
Please wake up. x
<June 20th, 2014>
<Dean>
<06:02>
Got thrown out again. x
<06:02>
Fuck, I wish you'd wake up. x
<06:03>
I love you, Cas. Please don't forget that. x
<06:03>
You'd better remember me when you wake up. x
<06:07>
Don't give up x
<Dean>
<13:24>
Just woke up, coming back down. x
<13:24>
Get your head on straight and be up when I get there. x
<Mom>
<13:24>
Come downstairs, we want to talk to you xx
<Dean>
<13:25>
I'm getting ready to leave.
<Mom>
<13:25>
That's what we want to talk to you about xx
<Dean>
<13:35>
You can't stop me from going to see him
<Mom>
<13:36>
No, but we can do something about this obsession xx
<Dean>
<13:36>
It's not an obsession, it's Cas!
<Mom>
<13:36>
I know, baby. Come downstairs xx
<Dean>
<13:37>
We can talk tomorrow.
<Mom>
<13:37>
Come downstairs. Now.
<Dean>
<13:37>
No.
<Dean>
<13:40>
Eesh that was lucky. I'm sneaking out and avoiding my parents for you. Be grateful x
<13:41>
Okay, on my way. I'm telling you, you'd better be awake! xx
<Dean>
<13:57>
What do they mean 'unstable'????
<13:57>
Cas, what're they talking about?
<13:59>
Emergency surgery?!?!?!
<13:59>
What the fuck???
<14:02>
Stay strong, I love you.
<Dean>
<16:34>
Oh, come on!!
<16:34>
How are they still operating?!?!
<16:34>
Fuuuuuuck I'm so worried.
<16:34>
I don't even know what they're doing to you.
<16:35>
Your brothers aren't talking to me.
<16:35>
Gabriel's got his head in his hands, not talking to anyone.
<16:35>
Michael's...Michael.
<16:35>
Your dad's fucked off somewhere. I don't even know.
<16:36>
I need you here, man.
<16:36>
Your family freak me out.
<16:36>
Heh. That's my life motto, right?
<16:36>
"I need you"
<16:36>
I do, though. Come back to me. Please xx
<Dean>
<18:23>
Holy shit, come on!!
<18:25>
Oh fuck, there's a nurse. Is that for you??
<18:25>
It is oh god.
<18:30>
No
<18:30>
Nonononononononononono
<18:30>
CAS. FUCKING STOP IT NOW.
<18:31>
It's a mistake.
<18:31>
Some big fucking mistake.
<18:31>
Please Cas.
<18:31>
Please no.
<18:32>
I'm praying for a miracle here.
<18:32>
Me, praying. That's when you know it's bad.
<18:32>
Cas. Come on.
<Mom>
<18:36>
Dean honey, please come home xx
<Dean>
<18:36>
He's dead
<Mom>
<18:36>
What?!?!?!
<18:37>
<Incoming call from: Mom>
<Declined>
<Dean>
<18:38>
I need some time.
<Mom>
<18:38>
Where are you?? We'll pick you up
<Dean>
<18:40>
No, I want to be alone.
<Dean>
<19:35>
How fucking dare you?
<19:35>
How dare you leave me?
<19:36>
You bastard, Cas.
<19:36>
Castiel, there is not a curse word for how fucking pissed I am at you right now.
<19:37>
That fucking driver can rot in Hell.
<19:37>
I can't believe that's all it was.
<19:37>
Just some asshole.
<19:37>
I hate you for leaving.
<19:38>
You could've held on longer.
<19:38>
You could've *tried* you selfish jerk.
<Dean>
<20:21>
Shit.
<20:21>
I'm sorry I didn't mean that.
<20:21>
I'm so sorry, I love you x
<20:22>
I loved--love. I love you so much x
<20:22>
Why did you have to die?????????
<20:22>
For fuck's sake.
<20:22>
I keep thinking you're gonna call me.
<20:23>
Ask me what I'm talking about.
<20:23>
Then we'll laugh it off and go see a movie.
<20:23>
But really just make out in the back of the theatre.
<20:23>
It hurts. It hurts so bad.
<20:24>
I don't even know where I am.
<20:24>
I just stumbled out of the hospital and walked. I don't know where I got to.
<20:24>
My mom keeps calling me.
<20:24>
What do I do?
<20:25>
Woah.
<20:25>
That was weird.
<20:25>
I swear I just felt your hand on my shoulder.
<20:25>
So cold.
<20:25>
I miss you.
<20:25>
It's a real pain.
<20:25>
Is this grief?
<20:25>
It's agony.
<20:26>
Like there's a hole in my chest.
<20:26>
A giant, gaping hole. That's cliché, but true.
<20:26>
Fuck, I love you.
<20:26>
I'm crying so hard I can hardly see my screen.
<20:26>
I gotta go. Need to get home.
<Mom>
<20:29>
Baby, where are you? xx
<Dean>
<20:29>
I don't know.
<Mom>
<20:30>
What? xx
<Dean>
<20:30>
I don't know. I'm at a building site near the hospital. Can you come find me?
<Mom>
<20:30>
Of course. Sit tight, honey, I'll be there xx
<Charlie>
<22:31>
Heya Deany! How's Cas??
<Dean>
<22:32>
Don't ask me.
<Charlie>
<22:32>
???
<22:34>
Dean?????
<22:35>
Is he okay??
<22:37>
Dean!!!
<22:38>
<Incoming call from: Charlie>
<Declined>
<22:39>
Dean I'm starting to worry. Call me!!
<June 21st, 2014>
<Dean>
<00:42>
Hey x
<00:42>
You won't believe how crazy tonight's been! x
<00:42>
...oh yeah.
<00:42>
Sorry. Not here to read it.
<00:43>
I can't believe how fine I thought everything was this morning.
<00:43>
I can't believe you're...y'know.
<00:43>
I don't wanna be in a world where you're not alive x
<00:43>
What's the point of doing anything if you're not here to see it?
<00:44>
Fuck, what must I sound like? Pathetic.
<00:46>
Mom and dad wanted to talk to me. I went straight upstairs.
<00:46>
Sam hasn't said a word.
<00:46>
Dad just...looked at me.
<00:46>
I guess, in his eyes, it's bad enough that I'm a fag, let alone grieving over the guy I love.
<00:47>
…loved?
<00:47>
No. Still present tense. Always will be x
<Dean>
<00:49>
You okay?
<Gabriel>
<00:51>
Been better
<00:51>
You?
<Dean>
<00:51>
No. I'm really not okay.
<00:52>
I love him, Gabe. I don't know what to do.
<Gabriel>
<00:53>
We all did.
<Dean>
<00:53>
Don't you still?
<01:47>
<Incoming call from: Charlie>
<Declined>
<Charlie>
<01:48>
You're gonna have to talk to me at some point. What's going on?
<01:50>
Either you tell me or I call the hospital.
<Dean>
<01:50>
Knock yourself out.
<Charlie>
<01:50>
Jesus Christ, Dean. What's going on?!
<Dean>
<01:52>
He's gone.
<Charlie>
<01:53>
...what?
<01:53>
<Incoming call from: Charlie>
<Accepted>
<Jo>
<02:31>
just talked 2 charls. She's in bits. Wtf???
<Dean>
<02:32>
Not in the mood, Jo. Go to sleep.
<Jo>
<02:32>
But cas??
<Dean>
<02:32>
I'm tired. Please.
<Jo>
<02:32>
Call me 2mrw!
<Crowley>
<08:29>
Hello, squirrel.
<08:39>
Heard about Castiel.
<08:29>
News spreads fast.
<08:30>
I'm sorry.
<Dean>
<08:31>
Sock it, Crowley. Don't pretend like you care.
<Crowley>
<08:31>
He was a friend.
<Dean>
<08:32>
Please, just fuck off.
<Alistair>
<09:21>
Condolences about Castiel.
<Inias>
<10:42>
Heard About Castiel. I'm Sorry.
<Ellen>
<10:57>
You ok darlin?
<Jo>
<11:13>
U sed u'd call?
<Anna>
<12:38>
Heard about Castiel. Oh my god. Are you alright? xxx
<Bobby>
<12:46>
You alright kid?
<Rufus>
<12:48>
Sorry bout cas. U k?
<Benny>
<12:56>
I heard the news. Everything okay on your end, brother?
<Dean>
<13:02>
<@All>
EVERYONE FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
<Dad>
<13:02>
Language.
<Mom>
<13:03>
Do you wanna talk baby? xx
<Dean>
<13:03>
No.
<Sammy>
<13:04>
Can I come up to your room?
<Dean>
<13:04>
No, Sammy. Sorry. I need some time.
<Sammy>
<13:04>
Here if you wanna talk.
<Dean>
<13:05>
Thanks, bro.
<13:25>
<Incoming call from: Jo>
<Declined>
<13:26>
<Incoming call from: Jo>
<Declined>
<13:26>
<Incoming call from: Jo>
<Declined>
<Power off?>
<Yes>
<June 24th, 2014>
<Dean>
<05:10>
It's your funeral today.
<05:10>
First time I've put my phone on since the day after.
<05:10>
So many people have text and called.
<05:11>
Pretending they know you.
<05:11>
They don't know you.
<05:11>
They never gave you the time of day.
<05:11>
Haven't been out of my room for days.
<05:12>
Sam keeps bringing food I don't eat.
<05:12>
Mom keeps trying to talk.
<05:12>
I keep crying.
<05:13>
Dad hasn't said anything.
<05:13>
He never liked you.
<05:13>
He's such a dick.
<05:14>
He was always such a dick to you.
<05:14>
I hope he regrets it.
<05:15>
How could anyone dislike you?
<05:15>
You're a light. You're just...amazing.
<05:19>
It's a closed casket funeral.
<05:19>
Mom left me a suit while I was sleeping yesterday.
<05:19>
You always said you liked me in a suit.
<05:24>
Fuck, I love you.
<Dean>
<09:40>
You'd hate this.
<09:40>
So many people. All in black, crying.
<09:40>
You'd think they're ridiculous.
<09:41>
They are.
<09:41>
Dad's not here.
<09:41>
There's a dickload of people though
<09:41>
People I've never met.
<09:42>
Gabe said it's ill advised for me to do a eulogy for you. Y'know, seen as you're not 'out' to your grandparents.
<09:42>
I'm gonna anyway.
<09:43>
I've not written anything down, but I could talk about you for hours. I won't out you, don't worry.
<09:43>
Ew. Carnations. Who the fuck thought carnations would be great?? You hate carnations. They remind you of funerals.
<09:44>
I got you a rose.
<09:44>
It's red. Just a plain rose. Got it from mom's garden.
<09:44>
You always admired those, didn't you?
<09:46>
"Dean stop texting! This is about Cas." Lol @ mom.
<09:46>
I told her who I was texting. She went quiet.
<09:46>
This suit is uncomfortable.
<09:47>
It doesn't hurt any less, btw. Still got that hole in my chest.
<09:47>
Oh god there's people from school here.
<09:47>
Wait why is there a priest here?? You're not religious.
<09:47>
I asked Gabe if I can come with them to scatter your ashes tomorrow.
<09:48>
Michael said no. Gabe overruled.
<09:48>
It's starting at 10. I'm gonna go up to your coffin before everyone gets here.
<09:48>
It's weird. You're here. Just in front of me. You may as well be sat next to me.
<09:48>
The seat next to me's empty. Feel free.
<09:49>
Okay, gonna go talk to your body.
<09:49>
That sounds weird.
<09:49>
Brb x
<Dean>
<09:58>
People from school tried talking to me. I ignored them.
<09:58>
I was talking to you.
<09:58>
Making jokes.
<09:58>
Still cried though.
<09:58>
Jesus there's so many people! How many people do you know, man?
<09:59>
One minute.
<09:59>
This sucks.
<09:59>
This makes it too final. Too real.
<09:59>
Like no, I still love you. You can't be dead.
<09:59>
Great. I'm crying again. I gotta stop this shit.
<10:00>
It's starting.
<10:00>
The priest is talking crap. Like he knows you.
<10:02>
Gabriel's turn.
<10:06>
Michael.
<10:09>
My turn. I should call you and record this to voicemail.
<10:09>
Wish me luck. I love you.
<Dean>
<10:14>
Eesh that was daunting.
<10:14>
The look on your grandparents' faces when I said that I love you.
<10:14>
Lot of looks of pity.
<10:15>
Is it 'cause I'm referring to you in the present tense?
<10:15>
Probably.
<10:15>
Fuck. Fuck fuck I forgot your rose. Fuck.
<10:15>
Shit. Shit I'm panicking.
<10:17>
Mom said I can ask to say goodbye privately at the end.
<10:17>
Thank god.
<Dean>
<10:50>
Gave it to you.
<10:50>
Said a quiet goodbye.
<10:50>
Told you I'd talk to you later.
<10:51>
The undertaker guy was looking at me weirdly.
<10:51>
It was so empty in that place. The crematorium. Whatever.
<10:51>
It's not over. I hope you know that. I still love you.
<Dean>
<15:19>
I wanna get drunk.
<15:19>
I don't wanna feel this pain anymore.
<15:19>
But you always hated when I got drunk.
<15:20>
So I'm not gonna.
<15:20>
I'm so pissed at dad though.
<15:20>
I can't be
lieve he didn't come with us.
<15:20>
I want to shout it out with him.
<15:21>
But that's not gonna do any good.
<15:21>
I think I'm just gonna sleep a bit.
<15:21>
Talk to you later x
<June 25th, 2014>
<Dean>
<03:26>
Healthy sleeping pattern? What healthy sleeping pattern?
<03:26>
How did I even sleep so long?
<03:26>
I dreamed about that time we went to the beach last summer.
<03:27>
Heh. That was a good day.
<03:30>
Scattering your ashes today.
<03:30>
That really is finalising it.
<03:30>
Not that it wasn't final before.
<03:32>
I wanna hear your voice.
<03:32>
Before you got hit.
<03:32>
Oh, I know.
<03:32>
<Outgoing call to: Cas>
</Hi, it's Castiel. Sorry, I can't get to my phone at the moment, please leave a message after the tone. Thanks!/>
<Dean>
<03:33>
Wow. I'd almost forgotten what you sounded like.
<03:34>
Would it be weird to make a recording of that?
<03:34>
I'm gonna. Hold on, wanna get this on my laptop.
<03:35>
<Outgoing call to: Cas>
</Hi, it's Castiel. Sorry, I can't get to my phone at the moment, please leave a message after the tone. Thanks!/>
<Dean>
<03:36>
Okay thanks.
<03:36>
I still have videos and stuff, obviously.
<03:36>
But y'know. Can never have too much of your voice.
<03:37>
I'm starting to feel creepy. Texting, recording your voicemail.
<03:37>
Like come on, that's not me.
<03:37>
Grief fucks people up.
<Dean>
<13:17>
You'll never guess where they decided to scatter you.
<13:17>
Our hill. Our first kiss hill!
<13:17>
Fucking ironic. Your dad and Michael always disapproved and look where they decide to lay you to rest.
<13:18>
You'd have preferred this at sunset tbh, but there we are.
<13:18>
They wanna wait for exactly twenty past, because of your slightly OCD habits about even numbers.
<13:18>
I have to agree.
<13:18>
Michael's glaring at me. Is it because I'm texting?
<13:18>
Lol.
<13:19>
I'm actually real nervous about this. Gabe's doing the honours.
<13:19>
That's who you would've chosen, right?
<13:19>
Okay, it's time. I'll talk to you later, see you in a sec, I guess.
<13:19>
Good luck on the other side xx
<13:19>
Don't forget me, kay? xxx
<June 28th, 2014>
<Dean>
<09:56>
Hey. Sorry I haven't text in a while!
<09:56>
In all honesty, I couldn't face it.
<09:56>
It seemed so weird. You're actually gone.
<09:56>
It's only now hitting me.
<09:57>
Dad's told me to get over it.
<09:57>
Get over it?? Over you??
<09:57>
Yeah not gonna happen.
<09:58>
I just miss talking to you, y'know?
<09:58>
I feel like you're still around. Angel on my shoulder and all that.
<10:00>
I've gotta go back to school Monday.
<10:00>
How am I gonna do it without you?
<10:00>
Plus there'll be the bullshit sympathy from everyone.
<10:01>
Ugh. I miss you.
<10:02>
How're you doing over there, huh?
<10:02>
Heaven much different from Earth?
<10:02>
They weren't right, y'know. The people that said we'd go to Hell.
<10:03>
Save a spot for me up there, I'll meet you in a while.
<June 30th, 2014>
<Dean>
<08:46>
Yo, you're late for homeroom.
<08:46>
People are looking at me weirdly. Where're you at? x
<08:48>
Caaaaaaastiel babe lemme know, kay? x
<08:49>
Oh joy, an assembly. They know how we love those. Will save you a seat! x
<09:21>
Told Jo she couldn't sit next to me because I was saving a seat for you. She looked at me really strangely.
<09:21>
It's like they've forgotten we're a thing. Huh.
<09:23>
Ugh Zachariah trying to be relatable.
<09:23>
What's he talking about difficult times for all of us??
<09:24>
What.
<Dean>
<10:30>
Being called into the guidance councillor's office?
<10:30>
Ok seriously if this is some huge prank you're doing it perfectly.
<10:34>
Jeez I wish she would shut up.
<10:34>
Why's she insisting you're
<10:34>
Oh. Fuck.
<10:34>
Fuck fuck fuck
<10:34>
You're really
<10:35>
Fucking fuck.
<10:35>
I forgot. I don't even know how.
<10:35>
I just forgot.
<10:36>
Wow it's like a whole new pain all over again.
<10:39>
How could I forget?
<10:39>
Shit.
<10:40>
Something's fucking wrong with me.
<10:40>
I gotta stop this.
<10:40>
I gotta-
<10:41>
She says I have to stop texting you.
<10:41>
I don't know if I can do that.
<July 4th, 2014>
<Dean>
<08:31>
Happy Independence Day!
<08:31>
Dad's doing fireworks tonight.
<08:32>
I got some awesome ones too.
<08:32>
It's gonna be weird without you.
<08:32>
Remember last year?
<08:32>
God, that was great.
<08:33>
I'm sleeping properly again.
<08:33>
It's nice, really. I get to see you when I'm asleep.
<08:33>
Makes me never wanna wake up...
<Dean>
<20:11>
Wow. They’re beautiful.
<20:11>
Wish you were here.
<20:12>
Miss you.
<July 5th, 2014>
<Dean>
<09:23>
I still can't really believe it...
<09:23>
I don't wanna.
<09:23>
I thought everything would be okay after the funeral but Cas, it's not.
<09:24>
It's fucked.
<09:24>
Hurts to say your name.
<09:24>
Hurts to type it.
<09:24>
You're killing me, man.
<09:25>
You're killing me but I can't let you go.
<July 9th, 2014>
<Dean>
<23:03>
Caaaaaass!!
<23:03>
Maybw A liiiiiiittle bit drunk
<23:04>
Couldnt not lol
<23:04>
Jus got 2 me yknow
<23:05>
Life jsnt fuckking fair
<23:05>
U didnt deserve 2 die
<23:06>
Not fair
<23:07>
Fucking love you
<23:07>
Not fair.
<July 10th, 2014>
<Dean>
<09:54>
Ugh. Sorry babe. That was shitty. Can't justify it. I suck. xx
<Cas>
<09:54>
Error Invalid Number. Please re-send using a valid 10 digit mobile number or valid short code.
<Dean>
<09:54>
???
<Cas>
<09:54>
Error Invalid Number. Please re-send using a valid 10 digit mobile number or valid short code.
<Dean>
<09:55>
No. They haven't disconnected your phone.
<Cas>
<09:55>
Error Invalid Number. Please re-send using a valid 10 digit mobile number or valid short code.
<Dean>
<09:55>
I can't leave you with me drunk texting you as the last thing I said. You hate drunk me. Nononono.
<Cas>
<09:55>
Error Invalid Number. Please re-send using a valid 10 digit mobile number or valid short code.
<Dean>
<09:56>
I'm so sorry. My god. I really fucked up. On the off-chance you see this, I love you. I really do.
<Cas>
<09:56>
Error Invalid Number. Please re-send using a valid 10 digit mobile number or valid short code.
<July 13th, 2014>
<Dean>
<04:48>
I’m gonna type this out all at once ‘cause I don’t wanna see my phone light up with your name, when I know it’s a bounceback.
I can’t go back to how I was before. I’m not ready. It was so dark, so cold.
I can feel it tugging at me already. I can’t go back to that, I really can’t.
I’d delete your number, but I know it off by heart.
I’d cancel my contract, but I’d just buy another SIM.
I gotta distance myself. Mom thinks this is hurting more than it’s helping. I agree with her right now.
Know I’ll never forget you. Know I’ll never stop loving you.
You were the best thing to ever happen to me, and I can never thank you enough.
Castiel Novak, I love you.
Rest in peace, ‘cause when I get up there with you, you aren’t gonna be getting much quiet.
I’ll see you, Cas. I don’t know when, but it’ll be like no time at all for you.
I can’t wait.
Bye, Cas. x
<Cas>
<09:55>
Error Invalid Number. Please re-send using a valid 10 digit mobile number or valid short code.
<Power off?>
<Yes>