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Kai was confident in his ability to judge; it’s why he was so sure about Soobin’s feelings for him. He didn’t expect to be so wrong.
Case #1
“Hey, scoot forward.”
“Mm, why?”
“I can’t see well from my bed.”
Kai moved, keeping his eyes on the screen. He expected Soobin to sit down beside him, but instead, he was flanked by the older’s long legs. Soobin had literally chosen the most direct route to the floor and sat behind him, resting his chin on Kai’s shoulder as they continued their game of Mario Kart.
“Are you really that lazy?” Kai laughed. Surprisingly, he was winning.
“Maybe,” Soobin said easily, a teasing lilt to his voice. Too late, Kai noticed the older’s arms suddenly encircling him, pulling him into his lap. “Or maybe I just wanted to distract you.”
It worked. Kai startled and his avatar careened off of the track. He dropped his controller in annoyance. Rainbow Road was a bullshit map anyway.
“Hyung, really? I was going to win,” he whined, folding his arms across his chest.
“I really didn’t want to watch Begin Again for like, the fifth time,” Soobin said as he cut off the game and navigated to the movie channel.
Kai pouted. “I can’t believe you cheated in a bet.”
Soobin ruffled his hair. “You can still choose the movie, just not that one.”
“Fine.” Kai chose an action movie they hadn’t seen yet. Soobin didn’t move from his position, so Kai stayed put in his lap—he was actually rather comfortable, especially when he leaned back against Soobin’s chest. Halfway through the movie Soobin started absentmindedly tracing circles on Kai’s hip through his shirt. Kai froze at first, but then Soobin pillowed his head against his shoulder and made a remark about an obvious plothole.
Maybe he’ll tease Soobin about it for later. For now, it’s soothing.
Case #2
“It’s awkward if we face each other,” Kai hissed. “Turn around, hyung.”
“No, you turn around,” Soobin shot back, “I’m not risking being the little spoon.”
“What are you even saying? We’re not cuddling.”
Soobin flicked him on the forehead. “We have a terrible track record for not cuddling.”
“Ugh, you’re so childish, hyung.” Kai rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Are you gonna stare at me until I fall asleep to make sure?”
Soobin sighed heavily before pulling Kai close to him. “No, this is easier.”
There’s something to be said about the way they easily settle against each other, but honestly they’re both a little too tired to argue about positioning.
“G’night, Soobinie-hyung.”
“Night, you giant baby, did you get taller again?” Soobin grumbled.
“Mm.”
“Well stop, or you’re going to get taller than me.”
“Don’t wanna.”
“Brat.”
Kai pressed closer against Soobin’s neck. There was a time when Kai’s head would have rested comfortably against his chest in this position, but that was probably 20cm ago. A beat later, and there was a featherlight touch on his forehead that felt like a kiss.
Kai tried not to wonder about it. It was probably accidental, with the way they were so close together.
Case #3
Kai wished he’d brought mittens, his coat, a scarf, or literally anything that he’d left behind in Soobin’s house during their rush to the convenience store before it closed. He blew on his hands and rubbed them together in an attempt to warm them. Thank god Soobin was carrying the bags. He was about to turn around and whine at Soobin to hurry up, because he was honestly about to run the rest of the way home, dislike for physical activity be damned. However, he’s stopped by the scarf that’s suddenly looped around his neck.
“You’re freezing,” Soobin commented, concern visible on his face as he took in Kai’s shivering and sniffling. He set down the rest of his bags and removed one of his mittens, fitting it around Kai’s right hand. He took Kai’s other hand, warm fingers folding around his before pulling it into his coat pocket, because of course Soobin was fully dressed and prepared.
“Thanks hyung,” Kai said, feeling a bit touched.
“If you get sick, my mother and your mother would kill me.”
“True.”
Kai didn’t think it was necessary for them to continue holding hands when they’re inside, but it felt nice, so he ended up not saying anything.
Case #4
Soobin was helping Kai move into his dorm. There was a reason why Kai didn’t help with anything that requires physical exertion, and that reason was exceptional clumsiness. Kai was bored though, so he tasked himself with bringing in the lighter boxes.
Not watching where he was stepping, his foot snagged on the edge of the couch and his luck finally gave out and he trips, taking down Soobin who was innocently trying to set up his floor lamp. They landed in a mess on the floor and Kai winced, because ow, but at least he was carrying a box of clothes and not something like his computer.
“Sorry—” Kai’s eyes widened as he realized how close they were. Their lips weren’t touching, but Soobin had an indecipherable look in his eyes. Almost as if he was...considering. Kai’s heart pounded so loudly he was sure Soobin could hear—all he had to do was push the older off of him to break the tension, but he didn’t.
It seemed like ages before Soobin finally said something. “You’ve gotten taller again,” he murmured, but he didn’t kiss Kai. Kai wondered if it was appropriate to feel disappointed.
That’s how Kai’s new roommate, Taehyun, found them. Kai had a hell of a time convincing Taehyun they weren’t boyfriends.
(“You two kind of have that vibe, though.”)
Case #5
Soobin was dared to kiss someone of the same gender, and Kai was too busy laughing at him to even remotely consider the fact that he was an option as well. They were all a little drunk after a few consecutive games of Kings, so Kai couldn’t really be blamed for not registering what was happening when Soobin pulled him closer until their lips were already pressed together and Kai’s world shifted on its axis, because holy shit, why did this feel so perfect?
Kai ignored the cat calls behind him and concentrated on kissing back, not quite knowing what he was doing, but whatever, it was working out because Soobin was suddenly using tongue and it gets that much better.
When they finally parted, Soobin’s words didn’t quite match the look on his face. “If I’m going down, you’re going down with me.”
Kai often tried to remember the look on Soobin’s face, because it had always stood out in his hazy memory as something that ought to be studied, but the memory was like sand slipping through his fingers.
Kai came to the realization that he liked his best friend not long after that kiss, although there were many moments before and many moments after that made him certain of his feelings. Neither of them discussed what happened that night, and it took Kai another week to assess their relationship together to come to the conclusion that confessing wouldn’t be entirely hopeless. After all, it had nearly always been Soobin who initiated situations that were comfortably outside of the boundary of friendship, and that counted for something, right?
Wrong. It didn’t count for anything. The next time Kai visited Soobin’s dorm, there’s a girl’s jacket on the back of Soobin’s gaming chair.
“Oh, that’s Yeji’s,” was the response when Kai asked about it, and Kai hated the telltale blush that gave everything away. “She must have forgotten it yesterday when she came over.”
Kai smiled thinly, remembering her being at that party. “Er, congratulations?” He must have passed muster because Soobin rolled his eyes and ruffled his hair.
After they finished their movie that night, Kai didn’t stay over like he usually did, he didn’t find reasons to touch Soobin like he usually did, he didn’t sleep over in Soobin’s bed like he usually did. He made an excuse about being busy the next day, which he was since he had to pick up his cousin, but it’s not like he didn’t know all too well that busy or not he would have made time for Soobin.
Taehyun took one look at him when he returned back to the dorm and insisted they ordered some food for delivery before having a heart to heart talk. Kai was lucky to have Taehyun; they had become very close very quickly.
(“Are you sure you’re not misunderstanding the situation?”)
(“I’m sure, Hyunie.”)
There’s something wrong with Kai, but Soobin can’t put his finger on it. Kai was the type of person to bottle up his feelings so as to not worry anyone around him, but Soobin can usually pry it out of him. At the very least, Kai usually told him what the issue was a few days later. It’d been a week now, and Kai was not only a bit off, he also stopped coming over to Soobin’s dorm as often. At first he thought it was because of Yeji, but Kai had asked him about her, wondering why Soobin hadn’t told him about his new girlfriend. Soobin had set the record straight that they weren’t dating, at least not yet. Things seemed to be fine after that, but Soobin can’t shake the feeling that Kai wasn’t being entirely honest with him.
They’ve known each other for so long. Neither of them were kidding when they said they were each other’s gum, so the way Kai had suddenly disappeared from his side all the time was more than noticeable.
Then he found out about Kai’s possible new boyfriend, and suddenly everything made sense, and Soobin spent a long time debating why he felt so upset. Kai could have at least told him, right? He was upset at Kai, not at his relationship...right?
Case #1
Soobin almost had a heart attack when he saw the Instagram notification. Half the time he was convinced that Kai only kept it as a decoration, since he rarely ever updated—but there’s a post now, and Soobin hurriedly taps on his phone screen. It’s a selca of him and of someone exceedingly attractive—Soobin had never met him before. It’s captioned with, “Welcome back! >3<♡” They looked close.
Soobinie
Who is he????????????????????????????????
His text was left unanswered until late at night.
Ning
jjunie-hyung! busy right now sorry hyung
Soobin was not upset. Just...unsettled.
Case #2
Kai updated his Instagram the next day with a dance video, and Choi Yeonjun made his debut as number one in the dance department. Literally. The dance department updated their rankings weekly; he remembered Kai reaching number one once, and the hangover after that particular celebration had been the most unpleasant one he’d ever had.
So Choi Yeonjun was gorgeous and talented to boot. That made sense. Their dance video promptly went viral, and suddenly, they became a hot topic on campus. Even Soobin, who was in the vocal department, heard the rumors of how the new number one and the cute freshman in the dance department were dating. In fact he’d heard way more than he had willingly wanted to, including that their relationship had already been branded as “YeonKai.”
Soobin still wasn’t upset yet. Kai was going to tell him soon, right?
Case #3
A video of Kai and Choi Yeonjun (Soobin still hadn’t decided what he was supposed to call him yet) made its way on the university’s newspage. They’re laughing loudly as Kai attempts to s-board; eventually, Choi Yeonjun just lets Kai hold onto him for balance. The video only fanned the flames of their relationship more, and Soobin frowned when he saw it.
“He’s so amazing at dancing,” Yeji said dreamily.
“Who?” Soobin asked, distracted.
Yeji looked at him strangely. “Choi Yeonjun, although Huening is really good too. Yeonjun-ssi is just different. He makes me feel like I just started dancing, sometimes.”
Soobin startled, because for a split second, he thought Yeji had been talking about Kai. “Oh. I haven’t met him yet.”
“I thought that since Huening was with him all the time, you’d know him too…” Yeji paused. “I was going to ask you if you knew if they were going out or not. Not that I’m interested,” she said hastily, “And you’re really nice Soobin-ssi, but I don’t think we...” she trailed off, looking at her nails. “Well I don’t think you like me in that way.”
“Sorry,” Soobin said as he ran a hand through his hair. “You’re really pretty, and I like spending time with you, I...just, sorry,” Soobin said, chagrined. He didn’t know why he couldn’t connect with her either.
Yeji left with grace, and Soobin ended up staring at his ceiling. Kissing her had felt so different from kissing Kai, like it was lacking something, and—
Soobin needed to vent to someone. Kai not talking to him was driving him up the wall.
“What occasion is this?” Beomgyu asked jokingly as he picked up the phone. “What’s so important that you needed to call me, Soobin?”
Soobin didn't even correct him.
“I don’t know,” he finally said. “I’m sad. Or angry. Or both.”
“Smad?”
“Shut up.”
Case #4
Soobin finally met Choi Yeonjun, and he was so friendly that even Soobin was a bit taken aback. He wasn’t nearly as intimidating as the rumors made him out to be. Kai sat between them, sharing a mint chocolate ice cream cup with Yeonjun. Soobin was pretty sure he liked Yeonjun as a person, so he wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt a surge of uneasiness. Kai was acting like his usual self, but they haven’t really talked for two weeks now, and Soobin missed him. Sure, they’d hung out during those two weeks, but Soobin had never found the opportunity to bring up Yeonjun, and Kai never volunteered any information either. It was frustrating.
Soobin felt halfway crazy, like maybe he’d been making up all this tension in his head.
Case #5
Kai dyed his hair.
Kai dyed his hair.
With Yeonjun.
(Who looked like he was born to have blue hair.)
Kai laughed at him when his jaw dropped—he did something else with his hair too, something that made it curlier and fluffier than usual—and Kai looked pretty like this. Kai had always been attractive, but the new hairstyle suited him so much, and Soobin picked now to finally feel upset, because he wasn’t even sure this was his Kai anymore. Or if he was Kai’s Soobin anymore.
“Are you two dating?” he finally blurted out, unable to withstand not knowing anymore.
Kai’s mouth immediately closed and he gave Soobin an odd look. It’s one of those looks, the kind that made it seem that Kai could see right through him and know all of his secrets. Not that he had any that Kai didn’t already know.
Well, that used to be true.
“I thought I told you,” Kai said uncertainly. “We’re cousins. Jjunie-hyung left for school in the States before I knew you, so that’s why you two haven’t met before.”
Soobin blinked, categorizing the rush of emotion he felt as relief. Now that Kai mentioned it, he did remember something about Kai saying he was going to be busy because his cousin was coming back. He’d just never connected the dots.
“Oh.” Soobin stared at Kai, wide-eyed. “Oh, fuck. This whole time…” Without thinking about it, he wrapped his arms around Kai and hugged him tightly. God, he had missed him so much. He felt the overwhelming urge to kiss Kai, except he still didn’t know how to feel about the last time they did (it kept him up at night), and if he was honest, it’s not really a conversation he’s ready to have with himself. Not after these last two weeks and basically experiencing only a fraction of what the fallout would be like if he ruined their friendship.
“Where’s Yeji-noona?” Kai asked, having taken to calling her in a more familiar manner after their dance classes collaborated.
“Why—oh. It didn’t work out.” Soobin felt bitter; normally, Kai would have been the first to know.
“Oh...sorry?” Kai squirmed slightly in his hold. Soobin knew he really should have let go, but he tightened his grip instead.
“Just stay for a moment please.” Kai went still in his arms. “I hate that I didn’t get to tell you until now,” Soobin said, hoping that he’s able to at least articulate a little bit of his feelings. “She’s a good person, I just didn’t like her. Also, Beomgyu’s transferring here next semester. My mother asked how you were doing. There’s a new malatang place that I want to try with you. Also, your hair really suits you. You look really pre—good.”
“Oh,” Kai said, but Soobin can feel him relax against him. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been...busy.”
“Do I have you back now?” Soobin asked in a small voice.
“Was I ever really gone?” Kai asked amusedly, “We just hung out yesterday.”
Soobin wanted to say, You know what I mean, but he’s too scared.
“It felt like it,” he finally mumbled. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
Soobin should be ecstatic. They’re back to normal, as if nothing ever happened.
Yet, whenever Kai came over, all Soobin can think about is how much he wanted him. How much he wanted their relationship to be something more. How much clingier he’s gotten, sometimes catching even himself by surprise (did he really need to give Kai a back hug in the kitchen when he had just been washing dishes?).
He didn’t know why Kai tolerated it, but he did.
It was halfway through their malatang dinner, when Kai looked up and smiled at him, the angle of the sun streaming through the window and lighting their table just right—when Soobin finally admitted defeat.
He’s in love with his best friend, and he’s terrified.
“Can I sleep over tonight, hyung?”
Soobin failed to be casual. “Y-Yeah.” He should just treat tonight like any other night. Kai slept over often.
Except tonight was not like any other night because he’s armed with the knowledge of his feelings and he felt like he might shoot himself in the foot.
He thinks he might have forgotten how to breathe when Kai pressed up against him, his heart not getting the memo that hello, they did this all the time. This was normal.
“Hyung? Are you okay?” Kai asked. “You’re really tense.”
“Yes,” Soobin said automatically. Kai looked concerned as he reached over to hold his hand. “No,” Soobin said a few seconds later. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. He was so screwed.
“Tell me about it?” Kai asked softly, and Soobin’s throat felt tight, because he needed at least a few more weeks to prepare himself, psych himself up, write a script, because he was not going to confess to Kai like this, a mere hour after realizing his own feelings.
“Theoretically, if I liked you and just figured it out today, what would happen?” Fuck. He had no self-control.
Kai looked at him owlishly. “Theoretically, I would kiss you.”
And he does.
Oh.
Soobin eagerly kissed back—god, he’d been waiting so long to—and Kai tilted his head just so, parting his mouth when Soobin nibbled on his lower lip, whimpering just the tiniest bit when Soobin threaded his fingers in his hair.
Oh.
Later, when they were finally ready to talk again, Soobin confesses, “I love you. Not theoretically. I love you and I don’t know for how long now. I love you, and I’m scared, but it’s you. It’s always been you.”
Kai gave him this look that just makes Soobin want to kiss him again. “Don’t be scared,” he said softly, squeezing their hands together. “I’ll always be right here by your side. Wherever you look, I’ll be there. I love you too.”
Later, they bring up the misunderstandings that brought them to this point. God, they were idiots.