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The first time it happens, he cries. It doesn’t end in full out sob, of course. No, he’s strong enough to resist that kind of luxury; is able to resist letting the emotion that’s crushing him lift off even the slightest bit. But an even total of four tears do slip from between his fair eyelashes when it happens. His father had never hit him before. Yes, he had yelled in rage. Yes, he had punished him in ways others would not deem warranted. But a physical blow such as this? Never. And as a result, he had no training in keeping control of himself in the situation. So the damned salty drops slipped from his eyes, past his defenses, leaving a glistening streak upon his freckled cheeks, his emerald eyes shining. He didn’t mean to let Sammy out of his sight. H-he had just…just fallen asleep. Hadn’t expected his little brother to leave. Was unprepared. Stupid, stupid, stupid. And in that moment, he despised himself more than his father ever could
From his father’s gaze, he saw his tears had earned him no sympathy, and if anything, it got him increased disapproval. The way his father shook his head slowly before leaving the room with a low grunt of censure almost had him begging for some form of forgiveness. But he knew that would undoubtedly earn him another hit, so he remained silent, though unable to still his quivering lower lip. The emotions were too potent.
x-x-x-x
The second time it happens, he doesn’t cry. He merely falls back at the blow, touching his now cracked lip, before shifting back to his feet mechanically and standing stiffly. His posture was similar to that of a soldier. No emotions touched his features now. He wouldn't allow any. He wouldn't be so weak. He locked himself in his head, echoing chants of disparaging words ricocheting there. Stupid, stupid, stupid, disappointment, stupid, needs to better, needs to listen more, so stupid, so dumb, stupid, stupid, disappointment, needs to be better, stupid, stupid..
x-x-x-x
The third time never happens. He’s better now. Older. Doesn’t fuck up. Doesn’t screw simple concepts over. Isn’t embarrassingly weak. Is something his father can be proud of, he’s sure. He listens, doesn’t even consider questioning his father’s orders, and overall, protects Sammy. He’s good. He isn’t stupid anymore.