Work Text:
It’s Jeongguk’s third date of the month and if this text is anything to go by, it hasn’t gone well.
Hoseok has some snacks ready, three cartons of banana milk and a pillow fort with Mickey and Gureum taking up all the place. Hoseok huffs, annoyed at their adorable but irritating dogs. He has to keep everything in order for when Jeongguk comes home. He doesn’t want the younger to have another reason to get upset, not that Jeongguk will ever be upset with him unless Hoseok, like, accidentally murders their dogs or forgets to pay the rent.
They’ve lived together for three years but none of those things ever happened. Hoseok hopes to keep it that way. He spends the next few minutes petting Gureum and bopping Mickey’s nose, after which he hears the sound of Jeongguk’s keys. He almost tosses Jeongguk’s precious dog in the air and beelines for the kitchen, trying to make it seem casual, like he was already there but seeing Jeongguk’s expression when he walks into the kitchen makes Hoseok’s heart break.
“Oh, Ggukie.” Hoseok can’t stop himself from saying as he pulls Jeongguk into his arms. Jeongguk had been so excited for this date, Hoseok had never seen him this way. All of Jeongguk’s makeup has been wiped off now, including the kohl and the blush. The rings, the bracelets, everything is off. Hoseok barely has the heart to put Jeongguk through that again to ask him what happened.
“I hate men.” Comes Jeongguk’s only response as he wraps his arms around Hoseok’s waist and completes the hug. Hoseok tries not to be too pleased but of course, that doesn’t work. His heart tumbles, anyway.
“Baby, you’re a man, you know.”
“I know but whatever. Today, that list isn’t excluding anyone.”
Jeongguk breaks out of Hoseok’s embrace, only to go for the refrigerator. Hoseok’s eyes widen as Jeongguk pulls out the half-empty bottle of wine they take out only for special occasions like mourning days when they cry about how single they are or sad days when Jeongguk’s work is too much and Hoseok has had a long day at the studio. Oh, and Wednesdays, of course. Their collective dislike for Wednesday made it into drinking day.
Jeongguk doesn’t even pour it into a glass, just chugs it like a caveman. Hoseok doesn’t have the heart to tell him they’re probably going to have to buy new wine because Jeongguk just did that. But, Hoseok doesn’t scold him.
Hoseok physically can’t scold him. That’s one of the many perks that comes along with being the baby of the group: you never get yelled at. Jeongguk is the only one who knows Yoongi’s studio’s password, Seokjin’s apartment and where Jimin’s secret candy stash is. So, it kind of a habit for Hoseok to let Jeongguk-related things go. Especially when Jeongguk looks like he’s a second away from crying.
Jeongguk grabs the wine off the counter, takes off his coat and his shoes in the middle of the kitchen and makes his way to the pillow fort. He mutters a quiet thanks, hyung that Hoseok would’ve missed if he wasn’t only high alert for Jeongguk to call out to him. Hoseok would be lying if he says he wasn’t pleased by that.
Hoseok only feels a bit guilty about it when he sits next to Jeongguk and lets Jeongguk cuddle him. Of Jeongguk knew how Hoseok really felt about him, would they really be this close? Is Hoseok taking advantage of Jeongguk’s vulnerable state and comforting him because Hoseok is in lo- No. No. He’s not in love. It’s just a harmless crush. It’s not love, definitely not love.
Then, why does Hoseok feels so much relief when Jeongguk’s dates don’t go well? Why does he take care of Jeongguk in a way one would only care for their significant other? And, what would Jeongguk think of Hoseok if he knew? He’d probably be angry or sorry for hurting Hoseok, because Jeongguk is nothing if not an angel. And, here is Hoseok, being weird and crushing on him while Jeongguk seems to be having the worst night of his week.
Still, it doesn’t hurt to gush about how much you’re in lo- (no! It’s crush!) How much you’re crushing on your friend.
Hoseok doesn’t know anything about anime except that it makes Jeongguk happy. And, for Jeongguk’s happiness, Hoseok would do anything in the world. Including watching something ghastly as anime.
The crushing guilt comes at a standstill when Jeongguk falls asleep, Mickey and Gureum cuddled up into his lap. Hoseok sighs, puts a blanket onto Jeongguk in a way that won’t suffocate the dogs. Jeongguk looks pretty under the lights. He glows vibrantly and Hoseok can only pray he finds someone good enough to cherish him. Whoever it was today wasn’t worthy of Jeongguk, Hoseok thinks as he pets Jeongguk’s hair and gently eases out of his tight hold, turning his face to the other side and falling asleep.
Hoseok wakes up to Man Down by Rihanna. Which he definitely isn’t complaining about but it’s five. In the morning. Oh boy, Hoseok is going to have some fun dealing with the landlady on the one.
Hoseok looks out from the blanket fort, only to see Jeongguk sitting on the ground, half-dead and eating a candy bar. He doesn’t look like he’s brushed or showered and his hair is so mussed up, Hoseok would have a hard time differentiating that from a bird’s nest. Jeongguk loves being clean, loves hygiene and the smell of detergent. It doesn’t make sense for him for to be like this, even though it’s ass o'clock in the morning.
Unless…
Oh no.
Hoseok takes another look at Jeongguk, the red-rimmed eyes and flowy nose. His heart drops to his stomach.
Jeongguk is Sad™.
That’s the worst thing that could’ve happened. Because now is when Hoseok has no idea what to do. It only happens once in a while, thankfully but when the Sadness hits, it’s bad. Jeongguk goes into a shell for a week, becomes quieter, less involved. It affects the whole group more than they admit but it affects Hoseok in a different way.
Hoseok doesn’t know what happened last night. Whatever it is hurt Jeongguk badly and Hoseok has to fix it. Somehow. Anyhow. Unfortunately, Jeongguk doesn’t like physical contact when he’s sad. Hoseok doesn’t know how he’s supposed to make his friend feel better if he can’t hug him. Hoseok isn’t good with words like Namjoon is and prefers to express his affection with his body. He really doesn’t have any alternate solutions for that.
When Jeongguk stands up, Hoseok can’t stop himself and he asks, “Hey, buddy. Where are you off to?”
Jeongguk makes a face like Hoseok just shot him. Eyebrows scrunched up and all that. “...Work?”
“Today?”
“Why not?” Jeongguk questions, walking away before Hoseok even gets to reply.
“Um…”
Hoseok waits on the couch as Jeongguk takes a bath. He's nervous for some reason, there's anxiety churning in the pit of his stomach. And, when Jeongguk walks out, Hoseok knows exactly why he was feeling weird.
No makeup. Nothing. It’s like Jeongguk is walking out the door naked.
“Wait!” Hoseok suddenly blurts out, making Jeongguk pause. “Aren’t you- uh, forgetting something?”
Jeongguk looks like he’s realized it, the tension in his shoulders makes it quite obvious but instead of coming back inside and doing his damn makeup, Jeongguk just pulls his bucket hat lower and says a stern but clearly heartbroken, “No.”
Hoseok's jaw drops. When the door closes behind Jeongguk, it takes Hoseok all the strength in the world not to go after him. He immediately dials Jimin’s number, unfazed when it goes to voicemail. Jimin must be to busy with his boyfriends to answer his best friend’s call! Nevertheless, Hoseok leaves a message.
“Code red. Meeting after work. Your place.”
Work is crazily hectic but Hoseok breezes through it all. He’s tougher than a lion, ain’t no need in tryin', I live where the sky ends- Hoseok stops himself. He’s relapsing into singing Rihanna song lyrics when he’s not supposed to. It’s deadly. Jimin is sitting across from Hoseok, cross-legged with a bowl of steaming ramen while Namjoon and Yoongi putter around in the kitchen.
“So, Ggukie went out to work. With no makeup.”
Namjoon’s head snaps up from the stove. “Woah, what? He okay?”
“That’s the thing, I don’t know. He hasn’t been talking to me properly since last night. The date was really bad and I get that! It’s just…”
“It’s never affected him so much.” Yoongi completes his sentence and Hoseok is suddenly very thankful for his platonic soulmate. He wouldn’t have been able to say those words without crying.
“I’m so confused. I really don’t know what to do.”
“Just give him some time, Hobi.” Namjoon says, sitting on the armrest next to Jimin, who leans into him like a practiced dance. Perfect and familiar. “If he wants to talk about it, he will. Besides, you’re just his friend. There’s no reason why you should be worried about it if he doesn’t bring it up.”
That stings. Hoseok knows he’s just Jeongguk’s friend but- is it really strange that he’s bothered so much? God, do they know?
“Um,” Hoseok says, mid-panic. “I’m gonna leave.”
“Hey, Hobalob.” Yoongi calls out to him. “You got a second?”
“Sure, hyung. What is it?”
“Let’s talk over stew, okay?”
Hoseok winks at Yoongi, a habit he picked up from Seokjin's insufferable ass. “You tryna woo me, hyung? That isn’t going to work.”
“Shut up. If I wanted to woo you, I would’ve succeeded a long time ago.”
Hoseok shrugs. Any guy or rather, guys who get Park Jimin to settle definitely can get Hoseok. But, that isn’t the point here. The point is that Yoongi knows something. He’s at least looking at Hoseok that way. They’re soulmates and Hoseok immediately knows that Yoongi is going to ask him something very blunt and hurtful. Before that happens, Hoseok stops him.
“Hyung, let’s get food first?”
Hoseok takes full advantage of free food and not even Yoongi stops him, just goes along with it. There’s something on the tip of Yoongi’s tongue, something sharp but he’s waiting for Hoseok to tell when he’s ready. That’s the thing of having known each other for many, many summers now. They always know what’s going on in each other’s heads.
It’s not always a good thing but it’s reassuring. Hoseok knows if there’s anyone who’ll understand his situation, it’s Yoongi. Yoongi had gone and fallen in love with Namjoon way back in college and had loved him ever since without saying a word. When Namjoon had announced he was dating Jimin, Hoseok doesn’t remember seeing Yoongi sadder than that moment. He’d found Yoongi curled up in his bed, crying and sobbing.
It took Yoongi months to get over it and even longer to consider getting over Namjoon.
“Ask away, hyung.” Hoseok says, putting down his chopsticks. Yoongi’s expression doesn’t change but his eyes are downcast, concerned.
“Are you in love with Jeongguk?”
Even though Hoseok knew it was coming, it feels like a stab to the gut. Hoseok is excellent at hiding things but he wonders how he became so bad at acting that his mask slipped and Yoongi found out. He can’t lie to Yoongi, he doesn’t want to. Still, admitting it feels like a task.
“Uh, yeah. I don’t know how to dodge that question so, I’m just going to say yes.”
“Hobi, this is bad, you know that.”
“I know, but I can’t just- shit happens, hyung.”
Yoongi’s eyes roam his face and Hoseok suddenly feels very self-aware of his dark circles. “Hobi…”
“I’m fine, hyung! Really! I’m doing great. It’s all good.”
Maybe Hoseok shouldn’t have said that because Yoongi frowns. Hoseok is sitting here, lying to his best friend’s face like Yoongi doesn’t know the truth. Yoongi reaches over, takes Hoseok’s hand in his. Yoongi really loves holding hands but this time, it feels like it’s more for Hoseok than for Yoongi.
“I love you, Hobi,” Yoongi says and Hoseok almost chokes up. “I’m worried for you because I’ve seen this happen before.”
Hoseok turns away from Yoongi’s gaze, slowly nodding to show that he’s listening.
“It’ll hurt hyung to see you hurt.”
“I know, but what- “ Hoseok slowly takes a deep breath. His voice is starting to get squeaky and if he starts sobbing in the middle of the restaurant, only Yoongi is to blame. “What should I do, hyung?”
“You should tell him.”
That idea is planted in Hoseok’s head now. He doesn’t stop thinking about it for the course of the whole week, glancing at Jeongguk from the peripheral of his vision as they eat dinner together, quiet. It isn’t like this usually but everything changes when Jeongguk isn’t happy. Hoseok feels a distance between them, even though they’re just across each other on the couch. All Hoseok can do is offer a hug or some reassuring words but he doesn’t do that either. He leaves Jeongguk alone.
So, when Jeongguk leaves for work in the morning without goodbyes, Hoseok lets him. When Jeongguk doesn’t come home for the night, Hoseok doesn’t text him and ask him where he is. When Jeongguk clears out his vanity set, leaving no makeup on it except some moisturizer, Hoseok doesn’t comment.
The only way he can stop loving Jeongguk is if he stops getting involved in Jeongguk’s life.
It would be easy but Hoseok loves him and they’re roommates. But, Hoseok has a strong resolve. Hoseok spends more time at the studio, taking up the students he didn’t want to because it would take up too much time. When Yoongi shoots him concerned glances over the table when Hoseok and Jeongguk sits at opposite ends, Hoseok doesn’t comment. Hoseok is virtually out of Jeongguk’s life, just as easily he came in. Jeongguk doesn’t seem to have noticed or cared rather.
Hoseok knows he’ll get hurt either way. He’s a person who takes friendships seriously and Jeongguk was his friend since three long, amazing years. Jeongguk is his best friend but Hoseok wants it to be something more. That’s never going to happen.
Things at home aren’t awkward, just quiet. Jeongguk watches a lot of TV now, immediately checks his phone when it pings. Hoseok thinks he might’ve met someone new. Jimin brings them both to a club and Hoseok watches as Jeongguk’s smile becomes wider as he accepts the woman’s drink and they go to dance. Hoseok’s heart shatters but he can’t bring himself to say anything. He just goes with it.
The nights are even more painstaking because Hoseok can’t fall asleep without holding someone. Taehyung’s habit transferred onto him but that never was a problem because Jeongguk was always here. He isn’t now. Not anymore.
(Thing is, Hoseok doesn’t stop loving him.)
Wednesdays aren’t their drinking days anymore so when Hoseok comes home to an empty bottle of wine rolling around the living room, he gets worried.
“Gguk?”
No answer. Jeongguk isn’t in his bedroom, not the kitchen. Hoseok finds him in the tub, holding a half-drained glass of wine. Hoseok’s heart tumbles in his chest. Jeongguk looks distraught, unhappy and like he’s been crying for an hour.
“Gguk.”
“Hyung.” Jeongguk says, voice tired. “Why are you here?”
That- that really hurts. Hoseok tries to keep the pain on his face from showing but he’s very confident he hasn’t hid it well.
“Uh… just wanted to check on you?”
“Why? Don’t you hate me?”
Hoseok’s expression contorts into one of pain. Jeongguk looks pissed, sad and murderous all at the same time.
“I don’t hate you.”
“Then why aren’t you talking to me anymore? What did I do wrong?”
“Not your fault, Gguk. Hyung was just… hyung just needed some time, okay?” It’s not entirely a lie but Hoseok can’t tell the whole truth. He hates lying to Jeongguk. Especially when Jeongguk looks like he knows Hoseok is lying.
“Did I hurt you?”
“No, Gguk. You didn’t hurt me. I was just being stupid. I’m sorry.”
“That doesn’t cut it, hyung. You left me alone for weeks! Do you know how hurt I was?! I thought I did something wrong and you got hurt by it and- and- “
Jeongguk chokes up, taking another sip of the wine and wiping the snot dripping down his nose.
“I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Let’s get out of the bathtub first.”
“Not unless you tell me what’s going on.”
No, no, no, n-
“Ggukie.”
“Tell me, hyung, or I’m going to cry.”
“Gguk, come on- “
Hoseok is desperate now. The words are by the tip of his tongue and it’s to be so easy to say them. Jeongguk’s eyes are shining with hope, wait and Hoseok doesn’t know what to do.
“Stop lying to me!”
“I love you, Jeongguk.”
When the words come out of his mouth, it feels natural. He isn’t afraid like he thought he would be. Jeongguk’s eyes are wide, lips parted like he’s been shaken into being sober.
“Wh- what?”
“I love you. That’s why I stayed away. I didn’t want you to find out.”
Jeongguk freezes.
“You don’t have to say anything and I’m sorry, I never meant to- “
“Shut up, hyung.”
“What?”
“And, here I was thinking that you’d found out about how I felt about you.”
What?
“Hyung, I’m in love with you, too.”
There’s a hush in the air when Jeongguk says that. Hoseok can’t help but feel relief because the guy who he loves, loves him too-
“You know how I found out? Remember that date I went on last week? The guy I was with… he was from my work. It was fine, it was fun- but then he commented on my makeup. Told me people at work said I looked like a woman and that was fine, you know- I don’t care. But, he told me he didn’t like it. Said men shouldn’t wear makeup. And, so I left. The whole time I just kept thinking, Hoseok-hyung would never say this to me. And, I just knew. I thought I must’ve accidentally confessed or something when you started avoiding me but- I never it was because you… well, you loved me.”
Hoseok feels horrible for having left Jeongguk alone in such a time. He crouches down, takes Jeongguk’s hand in his. It’s surreal that they’re here, confessing their love for each other when Jeongguk in drunk in a bathtub but it’s very on brand for them.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”
“I know, hyung. But, that doesn’t matter.”
Hoseok supposes that’s true. There’s only one place to go from here: up. Jeongguk is smiling at him like he knows Hoseok’s heart is racing just as fast as his is.
“Hyung, say you love me again.”
“I love you, Ggukie. And, I’ll kill you if you don’t get out of the tub now.”
“Only if you pick me up.”
“Deal.”