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Banri is clingy. Not like, clingy in a weird way, but--
Juza feels like the second he sits down, it takes Banri mere minutes to end up right beside him. He doesn’t quite mind, but he also doesn’t know what it means.
They don’t fight like they used to. Juza would probably say they’re friends, but only behind Banri’s back. They bicker but Juza knows he doesn’t hate Banri, and Banri doesn’t hate him. It’s just easier to pick at him, than to express something a little more genuine. Especially when he doesn’t even know what that would be.
He’s never really dated anyone before. After he joined Autumn Troupe, and in college, there had been people interested in him, but… No one he wanted to take up the offer on. He can’t think of a time he really had a crush, aside from thinking some guys on TV were attractive. Adding to it, this is really the first time he’s even had friends before. To put it simply, he has no frame of reference for what counts as ‘normal friendship’ feelings and what counts as something more; but Banri makes him feel some kind of feeling.
He feels warm all over when Banri laughs, and when he gets all close and touch-y. Sometimes they stay up all night talking, even on nights when one of them has a 8 AM class the next day, and it makes him feel so… content. Of course there are other people Juza loves and feels comfortable with, but he feels like he fits in with Banri differently than with them. There are ways where they’re totally opposite, and it puts them at odds, but other ways where Juza feels like no one understands him more.
He wouldn’t be caught dead saying that to anyone, though. Banri might be his best friend, but he won’t say any shit like that. It’ll go right to his head. He loves that part of Banri too, but it also pisses him off just as much.
--
Banri is asleep in his lap.
Juza was trying to study for exams, but Banri has the personality of a bastard cat. When he didn’t pay attention to him, Banri got impatient, and inserted himself under his arm and into his lap. He wasn’t really disruptive or anything, besides the fact he makes Juza’s heart feel like it might pop, but within minutes he’s knocked out.
He keeps reading, tucking Banri up against his chest so he can see over his head. It’s fine, mostly, kinda, until Banri nuzzles into him. He clings tighter where one arm ended up slung around Juza’s neck, the other around his waist a bit haphazardly. He sighs, comfortably, and goes back to being still, but Juza feels like someone just kicked him in the skull.
He puts down his book, as carefully as he can so he doesn’t wake Banri up. Then he just… sits there. He wants to hold him in return, more so than just trying to keep him balanced, but he doesn’t want to make things weird, either. But then it’s weird to even be in this position, right? People don’t regularly take naps on their friends.
But, Tasuku and Tsumugi do…
...But, he also knows what Sakyo says about them when they’re out of the room, how disgustingly couple-y they are.
Juza decides to chance it, pulling Banri impossibly closer, into a tight hug. He’s so nice and warm. His shirt is really soft, so is his hair where it brushes up against Juza’s cheek. He finds himself pressing his face against the top of his head, thinking about how his hair smells nice, so close to kissing him on the head but--
“...Mmn… Hey, you’re not trying to crush me to death, right? You’re about to snap my damn ribs.”
Juza jolts, and in an amazing moment of genius… he shoves Banri out of his lap, off the couch, onto the floor. Banri yelps.
“Well maybe if you didn’t come sleep in my fuckin’ lap like a dumbshit cat, I wouldn’t have had to hold onto you like that. You were about to fall off the couch.”
“Hah? So you decide to shove me off it instead? What crawled up your ass and died, damn.”
They bicker about it until Sakyo comes to tell them to shut up, but Juza has a hard time putting it out of his mind.
--
It’s the dead of summer. It’s so hot it’s miserable, their walk home from picking up groceries for Izumi feels like its lasting forever. Until, Banri speaks up.
“Hey. Hold that shit in your other hand.”
“...What? Why? Are you tryin’ to pull something on me?”
“No, you dipshit. Just do it. “
Juza eyes him for a long second, but does as he’s asked. The worst that can happen is that Banri whacks his hand or something, and even if they get into a little squabble, that might liven up the walk home.
Banri doesn’t whack his hand. He doesn’t do anything annoying to him at all, or even say anything. He just quietly takes Juza’s hand. It’s a little too hot for this, both of their hands are a little sweaty, but he wonders if it’s not… nerves, just a little bit.
Juza doesn’t say anything if Banri won’t. It’d feel like losing if he did. But it’s nice, walking down the street, and just being close like this. Not even caring that people can totally see it. Sometimes, Banri bumps their shoulders together as they walk, and Juza only squeezes his hand back; just an acknowledgement.
It’s like time starting passing at x5 speed the second they got too close, because they’re home in no time, when before it felt like they’d been walking for hours. Banri lets go of Juza’s hand before they get to the driveway, but he gives Juza some kind of… look. See, but Banri has a weird face, so he isn’t sure if it means anything. If it does mean something, then what does it mean? Banri isn’t exactly direct when it comes to feelings, and all.
Banri doesn’t mention it once they’re alone again in their room, so Juza just chalks it up to some kind of game. Maybe Banri just felt like it on a whim.
--
Juza is starting to think Banri is acting like this on purpose.
Like, on purpose on purpose. For real on purpose.
They went with Muku to a cafe that he’d been eyeing. Okay, it was Juza who really wanted to go, but who wanted to go isn’t important anymore, because while they’re there-- Banri decides feed Juza.
Not just share food, but hold out his fork and tell him to go ‘aah’. Muku makes a crazy face when Banri does it, all wide eyed, probably thinking about how this is just like some manga hes read before. All Juza can think about is how this isn’t normal for them at all.
He leans forward to take the bite, some of the icing from the cake smearing on his cheek. It’s amazing cake, but he can’t savor it at all, because Banri reaches across the table to brush his thumb against the corner of Juza’s mouth to wipe the icing away. Even worse, he licks the icing off his thumb.
Muku is looking down at the table like he’s not allowed to see this. Frankly, Juza is kind of glad, because he can feel his face heating up. He smacks Banri’s hand away, and Banri makes that stupid looking ugly ass smug face at him, and goes back to eating like it didn’t happen.
It takes a long while for conversation to back to normal, but it does, eventually.
That doesn’t mean Juza is going to forget about it.
He corners Banri when they get home, following him into the kitchen and boxing him in against the fridge. “What the fuck was that about?”
Banri makes that face again, and Juza’s impulses say kiss him, but the rest of him says hit him, which is pretty new. “What, at the cafe? C’mon you were eating like a fuckin’ pig, dude. We were in public. I wasn’t gonna let you make us look bad, covered in your food like a kid.” He says, and ducks under Juza’s arm to make his escape.
“Don’t be so stuck up about it, stupid.”
--
Juza finally cracks when Banri climbs into his bed.
He’s a little freaked out when he wakes up at first, feeling the dip of someone else in bed. He’s quick to calm down, in a way, when he opens his eyes and realizes it’s just Banri. In a different way, it riles him up even more.
He puts his hand on Banri’s chest, stopping him in his tracks. “What are you doing?”
That really makes Banri startle. He looks concerned, of all things. “This crossin’ a line? My bad if it is, I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.” He says, and it makes Juza angrier, because he isn’t uncomfortable.
He’s too comfortable. He wants Banri to share his bed and to hold his hand and share food with him, and laugh at him if he makes a mess, but he doesn’t know why Banri does any of this. He doesn’t know why Banri keeps clinging onto him but never saying whatever's on his mind, and he hates not understanding whats going on between them.
“Listen, ‘m not uncomfortable. I just don’t… What the hell are you doing, man? What’s up with all this?”
“...All what?”
“Don’t play stupid, Settsu. You’ve been all… all grabby. Now you wanna cuddle? There’s something up with that.”
Banri just stares at him. He then says, incredulously, “You seriously haven't noticed?”
“Noticed what?”
Suddenly, Banri looks… really, really embarrassed. He pulls back from where he was still mid crawl into Juza’as bed. Juza can see how his face starts to go a little red, even in the dim moonlight of their bedroom. He sits crisscross at the end of the bed, hands covering his face.
He mumbles something, that Juza can’t pick up on at all.
“What? Stop talkin’ like you got shit in your mouth, Settsu.”
“I said,” Banri sais, taking his hands off his face and piping up, but still not looking at Juza in the slightest, “That I thought… Since you were letting me, you knew what was up. An’ I didn’t need to say anything about it.”
Juza just stares.
Banri glances up at him, looking shy in a way Juza hasn’t ever seen from him before, and it’s really endearing.
“You’re so stupid.” He says, instead of anything helpful, and Juza balks.
“I’m stupid? You’re clingin’ to me like some kinda Koala and complaining when I don’t get why, but I’m stupid? You’re the idiot here, idiot.”
“It’s-- I like you, alright? I like you a lot. I thought you knew, ‘cause I was trying to flirt with you, and you were letting me ‘cause you felt the same way.”
Juza feels, right this second, like his world just flipped. Banri keeps talking, saying something like it’s fine that Juza doesn’t feel the same way, he just better not make fun of him for this or else there’ll be trouble, and…
He sits up and crawls across the bed to sit in front of him.
“Don’t get so ahead of yourself. Figures some shithead like you would jump to conclusions like this.”
Banri tenses up, and tries to move away to climb back over to his own bed, but Juza grips him by the wrist.
“I’ve never… liked anyone before. Uh. I’ve never dated… before. At all. But I just know I wanna be close to you all the time, even when you’re being stupid. You make me feel really… good.” He finishes lamely, but he just doesn’t know how to express how he feels. His heart feels twisted up.
“You’re such a jackass, but you’re my jackass, right?.You… really are my best friend, and I was scared when I liked you hanging all over me, I might mess it up, ‘cause I didn’t know what you meant. I still… I don’t know, but I wanna kiss you. Is that good enough?”
Banri looks like a messed up raccoon, eyes all big and hands shaking a little. But he nods.
“I don’t expect anything from you, y’know? If you didn’t feel the same way, yeah it woulda stung, but it woulda been okay. So don’t feel like you have to figure everything out so quick. All that really matters to me, is that it’s you.” Banri says, and Juza throws the reservations he had out the window.
Maybe he doesn’t exactly know how to describe what he feels, other than he feels a lot of it, but when he kisses Banri for the first time he feels slotted right back into place. Every weird confusing feeling he’d been having is gone, all wrapped up in a bow and thrown out when Banri wraps his arms around his neck.
--
They’re in huge trouble for falling asleep during practice after staying up till 4 AM just talking-- okay, maybe also kissing, but Juza can’t be expected to stop when Banri keeps looking at him like that.
It’s fine if Sakyo is pissed, though. A worthy price to pay for Juza to nervously hold Banri’s hand inside his jacket’s pocket.