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when i first saw you
i knew that you had a flame in your heart
and under wild blue skies
marble movie skies
i found a home in your eyes
we'll never be apart
- Bat for Lashes ”Daniel”
While holding hands under a starry summer sky Isa and Lea promised each other to stay together forever.
They died trying to reach other, but their hearts were ripped out of their bodies before their fingers could get close enough to touch and when they woke up again they were alone. Separated.
They were reunited when Xigbar lead Number VIII, Axel, into the Round Room where Number VII, Saix was already sitting.
Their hands connected again when Saix portaled down from his seat and grasped at his friend and Axel swore that if he could he would cry. He had thought that he wouldn't see Isa again.
Though he didn't know it at the time, technically, he hadn't been wrong.
* * *
When Axel was given the order to hunt Roxas down Saix approached him before he left.
”Don't do anything stupid.”
Axel chuckled humourlessly. ”Like what, Saix?” His tone was bitter, challenging and taunting all at once.
”Don't play dumb with me, Axel,” Saix said without emotion. ”Your place is here.”
”Is it?” Axel sauntered over to Saix, invading his personal space and smirking coldly. ”Don't tell me that you still care, Saix.” Another chuckle, just as devoid of any humour as the first one.
Saix said nothing. He just looked at Axel with an unreadable expression on his face and Axel sighed. He leaned in closer to his former best friend and touched his face the way you would to a lover—tracing his jawline with his fingers and sliding them through his long blue hair. His lips pressed softly against Saix's unmoving ones and Saix let him, but he didn't reciprocate.
Axel pulled away, his fingers still in Saix's hair. He wanted to see Isa again, and maybe, just maybe, a glimpse of that snarky teenager he had loved once would have convinced him to stay, but all he could see when looking at Saix and all that he could feel under his hands was a complete stranger.
His tone was softer when he spoke again. ”What happened to Isa, Saix? Where did he go?”
”He died along with Lea.” Words spoken without any hesitation, with a coldness that chilled Axel to the bone.
”I see.” Axel pulled away entirely, suddenly feeling colder than fire had any right to. ”I'll take my leave then.”
Saix didn't respond and when Axel opened up a portal he knew somewhere deep down that he was not going to be coming back. There was nothing left for him now. Roxas was gone, Isa was gone. He had no one now. He glanced back at Saix one last time before the darkness swallowed him up and for a moment it looked like Saix wanted to say something to him, but instead he turned on his heel and walked away.
* * *
a broken promise
you were not honest
i'll wait my turn
to tear inside you
watch you burn
i'll wait my turn
- Placebo ”Broken Promise”
Oh crap, was all that Axel had the time to think before he was suddenly knocked aside by something heavy. He fell to the ground, dizzy, and somewhere he could hear Kairi cry out. When he regained his senses again he wasn't too surprised to see Saix standing over him, claymore in hand. Behind him stood two Berserker Nobodies, holding Kairi captive between them.
Axel coughed and chuckled hoarsely, ”Shoulda known.”
”Axel!” Kairi shouted, fear and worry in her voice and Saix turned his attention to her. He signaled to the Berserkers and a portal opened up and Axel could only watch helplessly as they drag Kairi through it. So much for trying to get her someplace safe.
Once Kairi was gone Saix's attention was back on Axel again.
”Even if you are a traitor, getting rid of you is such a pity,” he said coldly.
Axel slowly got to his feet and summoned his chakrams. ”Then let me go. Tell them you couldn't catch me! C'mon, Saix.”
Saix was quiet for a moment and Axel couldn't help the spark of hope that began to build up within him. Maybe Saix isn't completely lost, maybe---
”I'm afraid I cannot do that.” And with a terrifying growl Saix's whole demeanor changed. Gone was the cold, stoic facade and instead Axel came face to face with Saix's berserk state. He'd seen it before, of course, but he'd never been on the receiving end of it. Even when they used to sparr together Saix would never utilize it—though he came close a few times.
Axel knew he wouldn't stand a chance, but he raised his chakrams in defense anyway when Saix came charging at him.
The fight only took a few minutes and by the end of it Axel was wounded. Badly.
Saix stood over him once more. Gone was now the claymore and the berserk state and he was looking the perfect embodiment of a Nobody again. Cold, emotionless, stoic, heartless.
”Why, Saix?” he asked as the Diviner kneeled down next to him.
”You are a traitor to the Organization,” Saix said and Axel snorted.
”Such an automated response. It's me you're talking to. Our Lord and Superior ain't here, Saix.”
”You betrayed me,” Saix finally said and Axel smiled. It was the closest Saix had sounded to Isa in a long, long time.
”There you are, Isa,” Axel murmured, almost fondly.
Saix's eyes narrowed and his scar crinkled along with it. ”Don't call me that.”
Axel rolled his eyes. ”Whatever, Saix.” He paused and with strength Saix hadn't realised he still possessed he sat up and stared hard at the blue-haired man. ”I'm afraid I can't die just yet, though. Got some unfinished business to tie up first.” He leaned in and before the Diviner had a chance to react he had pressed his lips hard against Saix's, catching him off guard.
”See you in hell, Isa,” he muttered before he summoned a portal around himself and disappeared into the dark before Saix could stop him.
Saix remained on the ground, clutching nothing in his hands.
* * *
i set myself on fire without you
without you
- Ladytron ”Burning Up”
”Axel... what were you trying to do?”
Go out with a bang? Axel almost said in that cheeky way of his, but... he was fading. He'd never see Roxas again. This was as good as it was going to get. Roxas' Somebody leaning over him with that worried expression on his face, probably wondering why this reckless moron had just sacrificed himself for him. Though, technically he hadn't sacrificed himself for Sora. At the very least he felt that he owed Roxas an explanation.
”I... wanted to see Roxas. He was the only one I liked.” He was so different. So naive, so innocent, so unlike the other members of the Organization. I wanted to protect him, but in the end all I did was hurt him. I lied, I made him lose trust in me. He left because I was selfish and wanted him to stay. I'm sorry, Roxas. ”He made me feel... like I had a heart.” The way Saix hadn't been able to make him feel, not for many years now. Was it so strange that he had wanted to hold onto the only thing that had made him feel human? ”It's kind of... funny. You make me feel... the same.” He had felt it already when he'd met Sora in Castle Oblivion, though he hadn't realised it at the time.
Axel's fondest memories had always been of Isa, but the memories had become less and less strong the wider the rift between him and Saix had grown. They had threatened to disappear completely, but then Roxas had shown up. He'd made Axel remember again what it was like to be a teenager eating ice-cream with his best friend. He'd made Axel feel human again. Of course, somewhere he had known that their happy little illusion couldn't last forever. They were Nobodies, beings without hearts, incapable of feeling actual emotion (though there were times when Axel had wondered if that was really true). His and Roxas' friendship had been fire--burning bright, but like Axel's element it was doomed to burn out sooner or later.
* * *
now i stand alone
at the end of it all
- Combichrist ”At the End of It All”
”Axel couldn't stand living without a heart and he was destroyed by getting to close to one. He was weak.”
Saix remained in his seat even after the meeting was over and the others had left. His fists clenched. How had it come to this? Deep down he knew the answer to that.
Isa had been a lot of things. Stoic, sarcastic, logical, realistic and with the tendency to be insensitive sometimes without meaning to, but he'd never been cruel. Never, ever. After he and Lea lost their hearts he had thought up their plan and Axel had been happy to follow and let him lead—the same had held true for Isa and Lea, but somewhere along the line something had changed.
Xemnas had suspected their treachery, but Saix had made damn sure that he was not disposable, because if he wasn't then neither was Axel. All he'd done had been for them both, for their plan, but Axel was fire and didn't do well in the cold. Saix hadn't meant for it to happen, but he couldn't play pretend the way Axel did. All he could do was to continue working towards their goal even as Axel had become less and less invested in their plan. Saix had always told himself that things would work themselves out once they got their hearts back, but evidently that wasn't going to happen now.
He was alone now. Axel had gone out with a bang, the way he had probably wanted, most likely redeeming himself in the eyes of the keybearer at the same time. It was almost typical.
Saix knew that for himself it was far too late for a noble ending.
* * *
i am watching you
i see it all
the many ways you can't get to me
i see it all
i see the hell you put yourself through
oh the things I could do
(if i wanted to)
- Nine Inch Nails ”Echoplex”
”Xemnas. Is Kingdom Hearts ready?”
”Very soon.”
”Then I can end this charade?”
”Indeed.”
”How I've waited to hear that.”
He'd been playing games for so long now. Ten years of pretending to be loyal to the man who had ruined his life in the first place, a man who had lied to him, a man who had offered him a chance to get his heart back when it was all that he had wanted.
Xemnas had no use for him anymore, that he was certain of. Saix would fight Sora and he would live or he would die. If Saix lived Xemnas would be the final obstacle between him and Kingdom Hearts. Without Axel (without Lea), all Saix had was his desire to regain the heart he had lost. It was all that mattered and he would fight til the bitter end for it.
Everyone else had fallen to the Hero of Light and Saix didn't think he'd fare any better. He felt nothing.
As he left through the dark he didn't notice that Xemnas was looking at his retreating back, a cruel smirk plastered across his lips.
* * *
i tried so hard
and i got so far
but in the end
it doesn't even matter
- Linkin Park ”In the End”
”Why....? Kingdom Hearts, where is my... heart?”
All of his dreams and goals ended here. Ten years as an empty shell, ten years of trying to gain the upperhand over Xemnas so that he and Axel could have their hearts back, ten years of plotting and scheming, ten years of slowly losing his connection to the one person he had trusted, ten years of a meaningless, miserable existence.
It had all been for nothing.
Looking up at the heart-shaped moon Saix was reminded of being a carefree teenager again, lying outside on his roof at night with Lea, watching the stars and the moon in the darkened sky. It reminded him of the silly, idealistic, teenaged promise they'd made, of how his face had heated up when Lea took his hand and held it tight and how he had hoped that Lea would never let go. Not ever.
In his last moments Saix thought of Lea.
In his last moments Isa seemed to be reaching out for his best friend.