Work Text:
The crew had to be awake and responsive during the blood treatment, so Nina, Brooke, Kameron, and Vanessa were all propped up in a line of separate beds in medbay. At first, the women looked at Asia when she spoke to them and nodded or shook their heads or spoke simply to answer questions. As the first hour continued to pass, however, all four women faded further and further into their own minds.
After a full hour passed with no one showing signs of complications or rejection to the blood treatment, Asia, Shuga and Courtney decided to escort each woman back to her quarters for the remainder of the treatment, with each of the available med staff swapping out every hour or so to watch over and check in with each patient, mostly to make sure they stayed awake. First, Asia watched over Vanessa. The petite woman clicked through galleries of herself and her sister, her nephews, her mom. Sometimes an emotion would flash across her face, but the rest of the time, her expression was completely blank. Asia wrote in her notes: never seen Mateo this quiet for this long. This should pass but it’s still a worrying character deviation.
After those few hours, Asia shot herself with a supplement to keep her going, and headed over to Kameron’s quarters. She normally would have pressed on as usual, if a little tired and slow, but for what she wanted to do, she needed to be at her most competent. Of all their officers, the remaining crew had had the most difficult time finding material to jog Kameron’s memory. Brooke and Nina had a history. Nina and Vanessa had family back on Alpha Earth. Kameron, however, was an enigma. She was very old fashioned in the way of trying to keep one’s personal and professional life separate. But when you lived with all your coworkers and didn’t see your family for years at a time, the professional must become personal in order to stay sane. As such, Asia decided that her time with Kameron would be devoted to getting to know her as a person, and to fill in at least a few of the many gaps in her coworker’s story.
When she let herself in, Kameron greeted her with a wave of her hand and she managed to muster up half of a smile. The thin tube that connected her hand to the canister of donated blood waved with her. “Hey, Az.”
Asia pulled on her pageant smile and stood at the end of Kameron’s bed. “Can I get you anything? Juice, some crackers, water?”
Kameron shook her head, barely. “I still have water, thanks.”
Asia checked over the transfusion equipment. Everything seemed to be progressing as expected. Kameron’s response times were slightly faster than Vanessa’s but still sluggish. None of them had much facial movement; everyone seemed so deep in thought so much of the time. She’d let Vanessa be in her own world, but Asia wanted to have Kameron go through some grounding exercises. “Can you list off five animals you’d find at a farm?”
“Why?” asked Kameron.
“It’s part of the neurological testing,” said Asia. It wasn’t a complete lie.
Whether Kameron bought it or not, she did answer. Starting with the classics: horse, pig, chickens… “Rooster, if that counts since I already said chickens.”
Asia smiled. “I’ll take it. That’s four. One more.”
Kameron’s eyes searched the air in front of her. “Rats.”
Asia lifted an eyebrow but nodded. She was about to switch to a different question, but Kameron spoke up, with the most emotion she’d shown since coming back on board the Sappho. “What’s that look?”
Asia opened her mouth, but Kameron cut her off.
“You did a, your eyebrow. Why the… what’s that look mean?”
Asia took a breath. “Means not everyone thinks of rats when they think of farm animals. Unless they lived on a farm at some point in the past.” She looked at Kameron expectantly.
Kameron gave nothing away.
Time passed quietly for a while. Kameron played a simple numbers game on her tablet. Asia checked her vitals. After a while, she noticed Kameron wasn’t making any more moves on her game. She wasn’t even looking at the tablet anymore; rather, she was looking through it.
Asia placed a hand on Kameron’s shoulder.
Kameron’s sleepy eyes turned up to Asia. “Hm?”
“I’m wondering, you know,” said Asia. “All of you do this thing… this starin’ off into space thing. What’re you thinking about anyway?”
Kameron flexed the muscles around her mouth, stretching her lips before she spoke. “It’s just weird,” she began. “It’s like… it just happened. Hours ago. And… thinking about it… it’s like… trying to hold water in your hands.” Kameron’s hands thought with her, grasping for the memories that were so close and fading so fast. “The more you try to… hold on to it. The more it slips away.”
Asia couldn't imagine what that must feel like. At the same time, she thought it could be a blessing that they wouldn’t remember how they behaved on the planet. What they did with one another, what feelings were expressed. Asia examined Kameron’s file on her scanner. Her listed background information said nothing about her. She had a sister, parents. All alive, according to Federation records. No recorded genetic diseases or other risk factors. Watching Kameron worry her lip while she tried to strategize with her game, a thought popped into Asia’s head. “Do you have personal or family history with memory problems?”
“What?”
Asia shook her head and closed Kameron’s file. “You're stressed by the memory loss, which is understandable. I was just wondering if maybe part of that distress had to do with any previous--”
“I don’t.” Kameron hunched over her game, all her body language repelling Asia’s invasive questions.
Asia whispered while she wrote on her scanner, “Defensive.”
As Kameron’s hearing was intact, that comment did not go unnoticed. The Chief Security Officer threw down her tablet and glared at the edge of the bed, refusing to even look at Asia. “I just don’t see how it’s relevant. And don’t bullshit me about fucking neurological testing.” Her eyes burned. “You’re prying.”
Asia set down her scanner and sat on the edge of Kameron’s bed. She exhaled, letting her shoulders fall. “Okay. No bullshit. I’m perturbed,” she paused. “Concerned? Whatever. It doesn’t sit well with me how close we were to losing you today. And not even losing you on a mission -- cause that’s what you signed up for. No, we almost didn’t get you back today. Why? Because there is no one on this ship who knows you.”
Kameron stared through the bedspread, but she was listening. Asia continued. “You came into being the day we left the station. No one knows anything about you besides what’s in the StarFleet records. I checked your master file. You have a family, which you never talk about.” Kameron’s breath stilled, her shoulders stiff. As soon as Asia moved on from the topic of Kameron’s family, the red-haired woman visibly relaxed.
“If you’d shared anything with anyone, we would have been able to do for you what we did for Nina and Vanessa. At least we had Brooke’s long friendship with the Captain -- she’s not exactly an open book either, but we at least know what she did before StarFleet. You know I did beauty contests before becoming a doctor. But no one knows anything about you, other than you know how to play the fuckin’ flute.”
Kameron looked up reflexively. Asia so rarely swore, it caught her off guard. The doctor’s lips were pursed in something like frustration. Kameron couldn't tell for sure. All she knew was that Asia’s expression was intense.
“That lack of knowledge almost got you abandoned in deep space.”
Kameron winced. It was so subtle, anyone who wasn’t tracking her slightest expression would have missed it. But it was there. Asia felt a tiny firework erupt in her chest at the breakthrough. She couldn’t help but smile. “Oh look at that, An emotion.”
Kameron shot her a brief glare before sitting back against her pillows. She let out a sigh.
When Kameron didn’t say anything, Asia offered an olive branch. “Hey, look. I understand keeping people at arm’s length. I do, I get it. I get self-preservation and making sure you’re safe by not letting anyone in.” Something in Kameron’s angular, statuesque face softened. Asia pursed her lips and stared at Kameron’s hand, still attached to the transfusion tube. She’d seen those hands broken and bloody from dozens of away missions and patched them up. “I don’t mean you have to become someone else overnight,” Asia conceded. “I’m not saying you have to bare your soul-- to me or anyone.” When she looked up, she was surprised to see Kameron actually looking at her as well -- really looking at her, not just through her. She was even more impressed when Kameron didn’t immediately avert her gaze. “We’re social animals, Kam,” Asia said. “Relationships can’t form through a cinder block wall… Am I making any sense?”
Kameron offered a flicker of a smile and nodded. When she spoke, her voice was barely more than a whisper. “It’s lonely.” Kameron folded her hands. “Behind the walls. It gets lonely.”
Asia nodded. “I bet it does.”