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Something didn’t feel right.
Jace was taking off his leather armour and hanging it up in the barracks. He felt shaken after the mission, but something was different. It was almost as if there were extra feelings clawing through his chest … No, not his chest. These feelings were clawing through his Parabatai rune.
Jace and Alec had become Parabatai only months before, so a lot of these experiences were new to them. Jace was surprised every time Alec hurt himself in training and a muted pain made its way through their rune.
Being connected to another person in this way was both earth-shattering and strangely comforting to Jace. Alec was the first person he had ever opened up to. And asking him to be his Parabatai was the single most vulnerable moment of Jace’s life.
To this day, Jace wasn’t sure why he had developed such a strong bond with Alec. The older boy was full of contradictions – shy but stubborn, quiet but funny. He was unlike anyone Jace had known in his life before becoming part of the Lightwood family. Although Jace had never connected with anyone before, he found himself caring deeply about Alec. And now they were Parabatai.
And something was wrong.
Jace closed the door of the barracks and looked around the training room, but he didn’t see Alec anywhere. Jace felt a tightness in his chest and a faint pain in his head. He began to worry that his brother was in trouble.
“Alec?”
Jace hurried down the hallway toward their bedrooms. Nobody was awake at this time of night. When he got to Alec’s bedroom, he didn’t even bother to knock.
“Alec, are you -”
He stopped when he saw his brother. Alec was still in his armour, covered in demon ichor and bruises. He was leaning against his dresser like he was about to collapse. His knuckles were white. His breath kept catching in his chest. His eyes were bright when he looked up, startled.
As soon as Alec saw Jace, he tried to put on his mask. He straightened his back and smoothed out his expression, but his hands were still shaking. “Hey,” he said shakily.
“Alec, what’s wrong?”
Jaw clenched, staring at the ground, Alec shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong.”
Jace stepped into the room and shut the door. The feelings from his Parabatai rune were climbing up to his throat. He didn’t say anything, just watched as Alec tried to stop his chest from heaving. Jace took a step forward and Alec flinched.
“Hey,” Jace said softly and reached out to his brother.
Alec put up his hand like a barrier. “Everything’s okay, just…go to bed.”
“Everything’s not okay. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Alec.”
Finally, Alec looked him in the eyes and let his words out on a breath. “She could have died, Jace.”
“Wh-” Jace frowned, “Izzie?”
Alec’s breaths were hitching in his chest. “If we would have gotten there two seconds later, we – … we could have - … she could have been - ” Alec sank down onto his bed, his fists clenched in his lap.
Jace sat down next to him and Alec didn’t push him away. Alec’s mask was crumbling apart in front of Jace’s eyes and he was overcome with a feeling of protectiveness. Jace reached over and gently held the back of Alec’s neck, bringing the taller boy close. He felt Alec grasp the back of his shirt tightly and press his forehead into Jace’s shoulder.
“Isabelle’s okay. You protected her. We all made it back.”
Jace held his brother until he stopped shaking and his breathing became smooth. When Alec moved away, he gently released him.
Alec wiped his eyes harshly and stood up. With his back to Jace, he began to take off his leather armor. He cleared his throat. “I’ll see you in the morning for training.”
Jace got up from the bed and opened the door. He paused in the doorway for a few moments, but Alec didn’t look at him. His mask was intact once again.
“See you in the morning.”
That was the first time Jace felt one of Alec’s panic attacks. From that day on, he attuned himself to Alec’s feelings through their Parabatai bond. He learned to recognize the beginnings of an attack, and he would place himself into Alec’s world, grasping his arm to anchor him. Alec never acknowledged these moments, but Jace knew he appreciated them. And he knew Alec would do the same if the roles were reversed. They were Parabatai, after all.