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Without You I Don't Sleep, Just Dream

Summary:

"And you never write me letters, and you never sent my sweaters, so I could stay warm when I was without you. Without you I don't sleep, I just dream" - Jack's Mannequin, "Last Straw"

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

“Reports are in that crime in Asakusa has remained at an all time low, following Ground Zero’s successful infiltration and takedown of the local Yakuza gang hiding in the neighborhood’s shadows in early May. We here at Hero Radio Tokyo have to wonder, though, where IS Ground Zero? He hasn’t made an appearance at a crime scene in over a month. Perhaps he’s taking a well earned break, or serving abroad. Wherever you are, Ground Zero, we wish you well! In other news, Chargebolt seen with Earphone Jack…”

Izuku continued to stare, eyes heavy, mind blank, barely registering the bright city lights. He’d read somewhere once that if you were caught in a stare, it meant your mind needed a break. Made sense. Izuku hadn’t slept, not truly, fully, in over 30 days. He came home each day, mind racing, and laid pointlessly in bed for a few hours, dreaming but not sleeping. Eventually he stopped even trying. These nights, he took to sitting out on the balcony, putting his phone on to play the local Hero News radio station, snuggled under a blanket. Hoping to hear anything new about Ground Zero.

It was usually impossible to see any stars through the light pollution, but it still comforted him slightly to hear the buzz of the city around him, the hum of traffic soothing and familiar. It was enough where he could sometimes doze off, neck bent uncomfortably against the back of his chair, cool breeze carding through his dark green waves. But he could never sleep long.

 

“Shh! Ok, she’s coming!! Places, everyone! Kaminari, kill the lights!”

Everyone scrambled to hide behind furniture, around corners, crouching beneath the kitchen table, whispering and giggling with excitement. They heard heavy footfalls outside the door. Izuku released a small cackle of excitement, and Kacchan immediately slapped a hand over his mouth.

“Deku shut the fuck up you gotta hold it together!” he hissed.

“Kacchan hush you’re being just as loud-”

“Everyone shut up!!!” Mina whisper-yelled.

The clunking sounds of a key in the lock, then the door creaked open.

“Denki? Babe, you home?”

“SURPRISE!!!!”

Everyone shot up from their hiding places at once as the lights flicked on, revealing a terrified, flushed Kyouka Jirou in her hero gear, key still held up in her hand.

“Wha-?! What the hell? How did you all get here? What’s going on?”

“Kyouka.” Denki walked out from the back room, beaming, eyes on Jirou.

“Denki, what’s going on? You know my birthday isn’t until August, right?”

The room was hushed, everyone waiting with excitement-

“Kyouka... I know you don’t always love surprises, but I wanted everyone here, everyone who’s always supported us and had our backs, I wanted them all here to witness this. Me, standing, well kneeling, here, asking you to please marry me. You’re - everything. The strongest, smartest, most talented, most beautiful punk rock badass I’ve ever met... and I’d never forgive myself if I let you get away. Please. Make me the happiest idiot in the world.”

As Jirou knelt down too, hugging Kaminari and smiling and nodding over and over, everyone cheered and yelled. Uraraka released a bunch of petals that had been hovering out of sight near the ceiling, covering everyone in purple and yellow blossoms. Yaoyorozu began handing around flutes of the fanciest champagne any of them had ever tasted, Iida lecturing anyone who would listen about the challenges and benefits of marriage. Everyone began talking and laughing, music starting up.

“Kacchan?” Izuku placed a hand on his toned arm. The blond had a faraway look in his eyes as he gazed in the direction of Jirou and Kaminari, still holding each other close.

“We’re next, ya know?” Kacchan spoke quietly.

Izuku gasped softly, gripping the blond’s arm slightly harder. “W-what?”

“You and me. Don’t you think it’s time?” Crimson eyes looked into deep viridian, lovingly, searching, as if all the answers he would ever need were within Izuku. Katsuki softly grasped Izuku’s left hand. “Not right now. Not today. But soon. I promise.”

Izuku felt his eyes welling up, smile so big it almost hurt. “Ok, Kacchan.”

 

“Deku? Hello? You with me?”

His eyes snapped up, coming back to the present.

“Sorry Uraraka. Could you say that again?”

She sighed softly, half annoyed and half concerned. “Are you doing ok? You’ve been really out of it lately.”

“I’m-” But what could he say? He was fine? He clearly wasn’t and everyone could tell. The lack of sleep was starting to wear him down. He sighed, slow and deep. “I’m sorry. I just haven’t been sleeping well. But I promise I’m listening now. Can you go over the plan one more time?”

 

He opened the door to the smell of something bready, sweet and warm, filling the apartment.

“Kacchan? Are you home?”

The slam of an oven door guided Izuku to the kitchen, where he found a grumpy Kacchan throwing mixing bowls into the sink, flour in his blond spikes, loud metal music playing from the portable speaker.

“Hey Kacchan! What are you doing home?”

Katsuki turned, eyes losing a bit of their frustration upon seeing Izuku standing in the doorway.

“Got off early. Fuckers were way dumber than we expected, caught their asses in about a quarter of the time we thought we would.”

Izuku walked up to him, sliding his arms around Kacchan’s tiny waist, planting a soft kiss on pouty lips. Kacchan grumbled against Izuku’s mouth but deepened the kiss, softly biting the greenet’s lower lip before releasing him.

“Well good! I’m glad everything went smoothly. What are you making?”

Izuku eyed the colorful silicone molds, the different colored icings in small bowls, the various flavored extract bottles.

“I’m trying to make those stupid fucking cake pops that you always get at the coffee shop when you think I’m not looking. They’re overpriced and shitty and totally garbage health-wise.”

“Kacchan, that’s so sweet! You’re such a dork!” Izuku laughed, hugging Katsuki again.

“Well fuck you too, nerd! Damn, I do one nice thing and this is what I get?” The words held no venom, though, as he rubbed circles on Izuku’s back. “I made ‘em with almond flour and protein powder, and the icing is naturally sweetened. So, this way at least you’re getting SOME nutritional value. But don’t go shoving like twelve in your pie hole, ok, you still have to show some fucking self restraint!”

“I love them. My very own hero cake pops. Can you decorate them in our colors? Then you really can be a ~snack~”

“Who’s the fucking dork now, eh nerd?”

 

“Deku?”

Izuku jolted to attention at the conference table, rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed at being caught daydreaming again.

“Yes? Sorry, I’m here.”

“We were just wondering your thoughts on the latest influx of crime in sector seven of the company’s patrol route. It’s up four percent from last month, which in a neighborhood that small is quite significant.”

Izuku nodded, reviewing the report in front of him. “I agree. I’ll personally patrol the area for the next two weeks, with Uravity and Shouto. Hopefully that will deter any major events, and we will continue to monitor the area closely.”

The police chief nodded gratefully, before continuing. “As for the recent developments in Kita…”

 

“Izuku.”

His heart jolted at the use of his given name. Katsuki only used it when the situation was serious. He looked up from his book to see Katsuki standing in the doorway to their bedroom. He was holding his black duffel bag, frowning, eyes unreadable.

“I got the call. They need me to go undercover in Sapporo.”

Izuku closed his book and stood up, walking over to Katsuki. “Ok. When do you leave?”

“Now. As soon as I can get there. Agency’s booking my tickets as we speak, just gotta haul ass to the train station. Meeting Ponytail and Shitty Hair there.”

Izuku’s gut clenched. He hated when Katsuki left for undercover missions. He never doubted Kacchan, knew he was impossibly strong, a brilliant tactician, and excellent at playing the part. But it scared him nonetheless. Undercover meant limited-to-no contact for the duration of the mission. He sighed, trying to keep his composure, at least until after Kacchan left. “Let me help you pack at least. I think your jeans are still in the dryer, I’ll go grab them.”

Katsuki hurriedly shoved various articles of clothing and toiletries into his duffel bag, moving quickly, but still calm and collected. Izuku always admired him for that. Kacchan never showed fear, or worry. He gave everything his all, and it had served him well. Izuku walked quickly through their apartment, eyes scanning for anything Katsuki might need. Finally, after a few minutes, Katsuki walked to the front door, shoving on some gym shoes, bag slung over his strong shoulders. Izuku wrapped his arms around that tiny waist, pressing his face into Kacchan’s chest, inhaling his scent. He pulled himself back enough to ask the question he was dreading the answer to.

“Did they say when you’ll be back?”

Katsuki grimaced. “No.” He cast his red eyes downward, not meeting Izuku’s gaze. After a few moments, he brought his eyes up, hand on Izuku’s cheek, gently tracing freckles with his thumb. “I know you’re worrying.”

“No, Kacchan, it’s not-”

“It’s fine. Just...I won’t be able to contact much. Or at all. I know you know that. But try not to overthink and worry too damn much, ok? I have a fuckin’ promise to keep, don’t I?” He smiled at Izuku, still tracing the dozens of freckles softly, as if trying to memorize the patterns and constellations formed on his cheeks.

Izuku could feel heat behind his eyes, the telltale signal that he was about to cry. Before he could, he pressed his mouth to Katsuki’s in a searing kiss. Much too soon Katsuki was pulling away.

“I love you, nerd. See you when I’m done”, he whispered into green waves.

“I love you too, Kacchan.”

 

Forty five days now. He played with the food in his bento, pushing the mushrooms back and forth with his favorite orange and black chopsticks. His bentos were never quite as good as the ones Kacchan made. He looked up and saw Shouto staring at him, slight concern showing through those mismatched eyes.

“Heard anything from Bakugou?” he inquired quietly.

Izuku grimaced. “No.” He sighed. “I’m sure he’s fine, you know? Kacchan is so strong. It’s just hard to hear nothing. And I don’t-” he stopped abruptly, wondering if he should admit to his insomnia out loud. It was kind of embarrassing, after all. Was he really that pathetic that he couldn’t function without Kacchan?

“I miss Momo too. I know she’s perfectly capable and I’d put my life in her hands - I have, on several occasions - but, the house just doesn’t feel the same without her.” Shouto smiled softly at Izuku.

Izuku smiled back, the first genuine one in probably a week. Shoving his sub-par bento away, he placed a strong hand on Todoroki’s shoulder. “Well there’s no point in both being miserable. Let’s get some beer and soba tonight, yeah? Guys night.”

 

Katsuki took another sip from his beer, placing it on the ledge of the onsen and wrapping both arms around the man in his lap. Izuku rested his head back against Kacchan’s chest, sighing, and brought his hands up behind him to gently tangle in Kacchan’s wet hair.

“Another one! Ok hmm.. What to wish for this time…” Izuku muttered, feeling Kacchan’s chest rumble with a laugh against his back. “Ok, got it!”

“Are you seriously going to wish on every one, nerd?” Kacchan asked, pressing a kiss into Izuku’s temple.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I? It’s the perfect opportunity! When else do you get this many wishes all at once?”

They had booked a private room at the ryokan specifically to catch the meteor shower, secluded and away from the light pollution of Tokyo. The inky blue sky was crystal clear, a perfect night for stargazing; they could even make out the Milky Way. Only the night sky lit up their onsen, stars reflecting like diamonds into the warm water.

“What are you even wishing for? More All Might merch?” Kacchan ribbed. Izuku could hear the smile in his voice.

“I can’t tell you what I’m wishing for! God Kacchan, don’t you know anything about wishes?”

“No. I don’t need wishes.”

“Says the man born with a powerful quirk. Must be nice!” Izuku pinched Kacchan’s cheek as he teased.

He heard Kacchan sigh, and felt the strong chest heave against his back. “That’s not what I fuckin’ meant.”

Izuku sat up and turned himself around, then eased back down in Kacchan’s lap, facing him this time and wrapping his legs around the blond. He gazed into Kacchan’s ruby eyes, knowing not to say anything. He could tell when Kacchan had more to say; sometimes it just took a moment for him to actually say it.

“What the fuck do I need wishes for? Look at us. We’re top heroes. We’re healthy. We’re fucking stupidly, disgustingly in love.” He paused, taking a deep breath, raising a hand to push Izuku’s wet curls off his forehead. “I’m sitting here with Japan’s Ass straddling me in an onsen under a meteor shower. I’d really say it doesn’t get any fucking better than this.”

Izuku laughed brightly. He slung his arms around Kacchan’s neck and leaned back, looking slightly upside down at the sky above. “You know I hate to feed your monster ego too much, but, I think you might be right this time.”

 

3:36 am. Izuku sat on the balcony, cocooned in his favorite All Might blanket, sitting against the wall and gazing unseeingly out across the cityscape. Just another sleepless night. He sighed, wishing he could feel something besides dull worry and numbness. Suddenly, though, his ears perked up at the sound of the hero radio’s latest report-

“Hero Radio Tokyo reporting live that hero Creati has just been spotted getting off a southbound train at the Shibuya station. She appeared tired, wearing civilian clothes and asking our reporter to please let her get home. Will do, Creati! We’re sure hero Shouto will be pleased. Speaking of Shouto, he was instrumental in a takedown approximately three hours ago…”

Izuku’s breath caught in his throat. If Momo was home, that meant…

He stood up quickly, vision sparkling with the sudden head rush, ripping the blanket off of himself and practically throwing the sliding glass door open-

“Deku.”

Kacchan stood there in the doorway, looking tired and pale, but he was here, in front of Izuku. Home. Alive.

A strangled sob erupted from Izuku before he threw himself at Kacchan, sobbing uncontrollably, arms flung over Kacchan’s shoulders. The blond dropped his duffel with a dull thud, wrapping his arms around Izuku, burying his face in the green waves he missed so much.

“Kacchan!” Izuku wailed against Kacchan’s black hoodie, leaving streaks of tears and snot. “Kacchan….my Kacchan. You’re home. I…” He tried to stem the flow of tears. Kacchan was kissing Izuku’s hair, squeezing him tightly.

“I’m home, nerd.”


Izuku opened his eyes, immediately squeezing them shut again as rose colored sunlight blinded him, shining in from the floor to ceiling windows onto the couch. The sun was just beginning to rise over the skyline. He rolled slightly, rubbing his eyes, realizing Kacchan was lying asleep on top of him, chest to chest, hindering his movements. As he tried to stretch, Kacchan’s garnet eyes blinked open, too. He graced Izuku with one of his rare, soft sleepy smiles.

“Hey.”

“Hi Kacchan.” Izuku beamed back. He yawned, looking around for his phone. “What time is it?”

“Doesn’t matter. I called the agency on my way in last night. We’re not working today.”

Izuku hummed and closed his eyes again. “I’m so sleepy. I never sleep well without you here.”

Kacchan grunted in agreement.

Izuku was starting to drift off again, cozy under Kacchan’s weight and body heat.

“Deku.”

Izuku slowly opened his eyes again, to see Kacchan staring down at him, an unreadable expression in his eyes.

“Hmm? What is it Kacchan?”

Kacchan propped himself up against Izuku’s chest, leaning on the man below with his forearms crossed. “I was thinking a lot while I was gone. And…well. Don’t you think it’s time I made good on my promise?”

“Promise..? What do you-”

He was cut off abruptly as Kacchan shifted on top of him and pulled a small box out of his back pocket. Izuku’s eyes widened. He was definitely awake now.

“Is that-”

“Yeah.” Kacchan opened the box to reveal a simple titanium band. “I never break a promise. I told you we were next, didn’t I? I just - I fuckin’ missed you. I don’t wanna wait anymore. I want you to be my fucking husband already. Marry me, Izuku.”

Izuku could feel tears spilling down his cheeks. Kacchan gently wiped them away with his thumb, chuckling slightly. “Damn nerd. I thought you’d be all cried out from last night.”

Izuku laughed, tremblingly. “Never. You know I have an endless supply!”

Kacchan continued to wipe at the shining cheeks, expression soft. “So? What’s your damn answer? You wanna marry me or what?”

Izuku leaned forward to capture Kacchan’s lips with his own. “Of course I do. Yes”, he whispered against the blond’s lips.

Kacchan slid the band on Izuku’s left ring finger. Then he abruptly rolled off the couch, pulling Izuku up with him. “C’mon. Let’s go back to sleep for awhile. We can tell everyone later today.”

Izuku smiled, then let out a yelp-turned-laugh as Kacchan threw him over his shoulder, ass up, carrying him towards their bedroom. Kacchan always knew exactly what he needed. “Sounds like a plan, fiancé.”

Notes:

Thank you for reading! Inspired by a song. I love my soft boys. Come find me on twitter @GoldenGirl1016