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“Alright, and this is his lion. He loves his lion and he sleeps with it every night so make sure he doesn’t get it dirty. Here are some extra blankets, in case it’s cold. There are extra changes of clothes in his bag and some extra socks and a few pairs of shoes in case it rains and there is mud. Don’t forget to give him his rash ointment if he breaks out, and there is a change of sheets in his bag if he wets the bed. Oh, and–!”
“Okay, okay, I think they get the point, love,” James interrupted, gently squeezing Lily’s shoulder with a playful smile and roll of his eyes. “You’ve packed every conceivable item a toddler would ever need over the span of two days. He nearly has more luggage than we do!”
Remus chimed in as he took a couple of bags from her, “Of course, I’m sure everything will be fine. What's the worst that could happen?" That statement seemed to make Lily wince a bit, so he quickly added, "You two just enjoy your vacation. You deserve it.” He gave Lily a kiss on the cheek and she visibly relaxed at the reassurance.
“Yeah, and make sure you use protection unless you want another one of those things running around!” exclaimed Sirius with a mischievous grin, giving James a good jab in the arm with his elbow.
Harry, a two-year-old boy with a wild mop of curly black hair and wide green eyes like his mother’s, shuffled shyly behind James and gripped tightly onto the seam of his pant leg. He occasionally peeked up to look between Sirius and Remus, but mostly he just closed his eyes and pressed his face to the back of James’s thigh. Remus offered a gentle wave of greeting; Sirius attempted to make a silly face. Harry only whimpered and reached up for Lily’s hands. Perhaps this wouldn’t be as easy as they had assumed.
“Okay, Harry, it’s time for mummy and daddy to go now, alright?” Lily cooed, crouching down to give him a hug.
“No,” he whined softly, pouting up at her, and as she pulled away to give James a turn for a hug he shouted a more demanding, “No!”
James picked up Harry and passed him to Sirius, and as he did so he leaned in to murmur “Good luck” in his ear. Then he smiled and waved and the four of them said their goodbyes and attempted to ignore Harry’s increasing volume of wailing and crying. As soon as the door closed behind James and Lily, the real chaos began.
“Bloody hell, he’s got a pair of lungs on him, doesn’t he?” said Sirius, although much of his voice was drowned out by Harry’s angry scream-crying. Harry thrashed and kicked his feet and hit his tiny fists against Sirius’s shoulder and head with a surprising amount of force. “Hey! Hey! Stop kicking me or I’ll kick you back!” he shouted, which only seemed to anger Harry further.
“Sirius, just put him down,” Remus said with a chuckle, taking the angry toddler from him and setting him on the floor. Harry immediately collapsed onto his back and started screeching so loud that it seemed physically impossible. “Fuck,” he added under his breath, smug smile quickly fading, and promptly left to unpack Harry’s bags and set up the portable toddler bed in the guest bedroom.
Sirius stared slack-jawed at the tantruming toddler for a moment, unsure if he should be mortified or impressed by the display. “Hey, don’t leave me alone with this thing!” he called as Remus hurriedly retreated to the back of the house. “Coward.”
For a minute or two he just awkwardly stood over Harry as he cried and rolled around on the floor in a sputtering red-faced mess of snot and tears, but eventually he figured there may be something he could do to get him to calm down.
“Alright, Harry, erm.. Stay here, I’ll be right back.” He looked around briefly in a bit of a panic before backing away from Harry and rushing into the kitchen to see if he had any fun kid-friendly snacks to bribe the little monster with.
“Ah… Right.” The pantry was so empty that you could practically see the cobwebs forming inside it. On to Plan B.
Quickly Sirius returned to Harry’s side and picked up his stuffed lion off the floor, offering it to him with a smile. “Hey, Harry, check out your lion! You like Mr. Lion, right?” He wiggled the toy around a bit, but Harry did not budge. He didn’t even acknowledge that he had heard Sirius at all.
“Okay, okay. What do kids like?” Sirius said to himself, desperately searching for a way to stop the deafening screeches that could wake the dead at this point. Then his eyes finally settled upon his glorious saviour: his guitar, resting on its stand in the other corner of the living room.
He skirted the screaming Harry, careful to avoid stepping on any fingers or toes, and made a beeline for his guitar. He grabbed it and sat down on the couch before strumming a few chords and plucking the strings in a soothing melody. It was admittedly frustrating and hard to focus with Harry’s incessant crying, but he did his best to keep his cool while he played.
As if on cue, Remus hurried back into the room with wide eyes and a soft blanket in tow. He and Sirius made eye contact for a silent “Oh, fuck, what have we gotten ourselves into,” before he knelt carefully in front of Harry and spread the blanket over him, softly patting his back and squeezing his shoulder. “It’s alright, Harry, we’re here. Sirius and Remus are here for you, okay?”
“No!” Harry shouted, and burst into a fresh fit of tears and thrashing in an attempt to get the blanket off. As he rolled and wiggled around, though, he inadvertently tangled himself up in the blanket enough that Remus was at least in less danger of being pummeled and kicked by the swarm of angry toddler limbs.
Remus placed a gentle, but firm hand on Harry’s ankle so he could pull his shoes off one at a time, taking advantage of Harry’s incapacitated state to do so. As soon as the second shoe was off it was like Harry was a whole new child, only quietly whimpering and sniffling as he sat still under his blanket.
“Thank God,” Sirius said, and Remus carefully unwrapped Harry to free his hands while still keeping him snugly covered. He then passed the lion to Harry, who gripped it tight and squeezed with both arms. The only sound now was Sirius’s quiet strumming of the guitar, which they all relished for a moment. Remus thought Harry would almost look cute like this if not for his horribly puffy eyes, red cheeks, and the general sliminess of having smeared mucus all over his face, hands, shirt, blanket, and stuffed animal.
It was a smart idea for Lily and James (although most likely just Lily) to have put Harry in pajamas before coming over, because changing his clothes after just calming him down would have been an impossible feat. Luckily Remus could instead just pick him up, blanket and all, and carry him to the bedroom to lay him down for sleep. Harry was too exhausted by his long tantrum to protest Remus’s touch with much more than a displeased grunt, so he allowed it. Worried that a wet wipe would wake him up too much and possibly cause another tantrum, Remus simply wiped Harry’s face with a dry section of the blanket and insisted to himself that he would run it through the wash in the morning. Harry immediately rolled onto his side and curled into a tight ball around his stuffed lion, snuggling close to it and sighing through his runny nose as he fell asleep.
Remus tiptoed out of the room and shut the door to just a crack before going back to the living room and flopping dramatically onto the couch with a groan. Sirius set his guitar to the side to pull Remus’s head into his lap, slowly running his fingers through his hair and massaging his scalp in an attempt to calm both of them down.
“Of course James would have a child from Hell,” Sirius sighed with a cheeky grin, causing them both to chuckle in amusement. They sat in the sweet, sweet silence for a few more minutes before Sirius patted Remus on the cheek to wake him from his dozing and said, “Come on, Moony, let’s get you to bed.”
Remus didn’t open his eyes, but slowly rolled off of Sirius’s lap and took his hand with a tired squeeze. Sirius stood and helped Remus to his feet, wrapping an arm around his waist as they shuffled off to bed.
This was going to be a long weekend.