Chapter Text
Joshua quietly closed the heavy door to his family's small apartment, making sure his parents wouldn't hear the noise he had made. Well, at least they would be able to sleep better without him there. His thoughts were so loud at times, he thought the entire building would hear his inner battles, internal screams, and his nearly silent sobs. He learned some time ago that he would get no privacy in the space of his tight room and empty house, if not from his parents, from his thoughts as well.
So, he fixed his coat one last time before turning away to walk down the stairs to the ground floor of their building. He would take the elevator five floors down, but someone else most likely needed it to get home at midnight and he would be taking up their space. Plus, he was starting to gain some weight and needed the extra physical activity.
His feet worked on their own after he was out the fancy doors of the clean lobby, dirtying the unfortunate space with his shoes and his presence, guiding him to the only save haven he had. He didn't pay any mind to the chilly night air, nor the strangers in the darkness giving him various looks. They wouldn't mess with him anyway. His own mirror wouldn't even look him in the eyes anymore.
He continued, following the cracked and broken sidewalk until it broke off completely, abandoning him to face a grove of crowded trees on his own. He could handle it himself, he always had before. Within the trees was a single gap, filled with darkness and so well inviting. It was small enough for him to slip through with no effort and his last struggle before he was free. He wasn't scared of the woods, the stories along with the creatures and murderers of mystery, he didn't care if this place would be his last. The possibility had crossed his mind a few times and he reminded himself that it was very wrong to find any joy in it. Oh, his parents would be so happy to find out their son's thought process and all the delight his mind had to offer.
Once past the gate, the world got quiet once again and Joshua was sure the gravity was less in his magical place. Well, his body was sure anyway. That was enough to believe in magic. A clear path of soft gray stones lead the rest of the way for him, and he was thankful for them. They seemed to glow as his shoes touched them, contrasting to what had happened previously. Never before had he been in a place that welcomed him so much that he felt, dare he say it, a pang of happiness in the place where his chest always seemed to burn. What did they say was located there? His heart maybe? He didn't pay attention in anatomy, he wasn't skilled enough to grow as a doctor anyway. He would've made his family happy if he did though, such a shame he was such a failure.
Only when the stones stopped did he finally lift up his head, cool and fresh air entering his lungs at the sight of his own private shelter from the world. Yes, that's exactly how much power the abandoned two-story building held. The place looked more like the scene that one popular horror movie was shot at, if he was honest with reality. But when did reality ever pay him any respect? It was beautiful in his eyes, the exterior matching the rocks he was standing on, but with their own decoration of leafy green vines that had flowers blooming in a season he can't ever remember. Oh well, wasn't that important anyway.
He walked forward into the forever opened doors, made of clear glass that he was always sure to clean spotless, and into an open space that he created himself over the course of five months. The living room, dining room, and kitchen were all joined together without a wall to separate them, different compared to his parent's apartment and nearly every other living space he's entered except for his cousin's studio apartment back in America. Now that place would be second in line for his ideal house. He didn't have claustrophobia, he could stand small spaces, his doctor had confirmed it more than once. But without an open space, the slight burning sensation in his chest would light up into a scorching fire that reached from his neck down to his wrists. It was difficult to control himself when that happened. It was that reason that he avoided the upstairs portion of the house. Sure, there was a lounge room upon reaching the top of the stairs, but the few other rooms didn't have doors and were like caves waiting to swallow him up when there was no daylight.
The only time he did venture upstairs was to move furniture around. He was glad the strange house had it's own pieces inside. Joshua's job didn't pay enough to get new, or used, furniture and he knew it would be too suspicious of him to borrow things from home. There wasn't much, apart from a strangely large collection of lamps, but it was more than enough to be comfortable. Honestly, there was probably more in the many closets scattered around the place but there was no way he dared to even open their doors a second time. It would be overkill anyway. He was just one person. He enjoyed the comfortable gray couch, enough to seat three people and perfect for him to lay on to take a nap. If that didn't satisfy him, there was a clean, white, and rather bare, mattress behind it. It was on the small side and his ankles hung off the edge if he was lying stretched out, but it was the softest mattress he had access to and he wouldn't complain. To the sides and front of the couch rested a set of glass tables with tan rims and legs. Now that he was very happy to find, he always loved the coffee table in his own living room. Easy access to food while watching a pointless movie to waste his life away and distract him from the thoughts in his head.
The kitchen appliances worked as well and were strangely modern. He always wondered while he heated up his supposed to be dinner the night before, if someone had claimed this house and if they would come back. He even made a point of setting out small, crafty little traps in all the entryways to see if someone or something ever entered the house when he was gone. Of course, nothing entered except the occasional small critter. He liked the rabbits the best. It was always a conflicting topic in his head. Was he truly trespassing on someone else's space? Would he be kicked out or arrested if someone found him? Those were questions that filled his head when he used the kitchen. Such a strange topic to find himself on after thinking about food.
All that aside, the only thing not harmful in Joshua's mind at this moment was finishing his library book that was due in three more days. He had to work the next day, so now would be the perfect time to not rush himself. So, he curled up on the single couch, draped his jacket over his legs, and opened up the book he's been reading for the past week. Fantasy was always his favorite genre. Oh what a wonderful thing, to have powers or wings or spells to use at your command. Or a chance to travel the world while hunting precious artifacts or fighting mystical beasts. The people he would meet, the adventures he would endure. Maybe they would change him. Maybe they could chase away the demons and bring the light back to his world. He would give anything for that to happen.
For now, he's okay. Joshua Hong is okay. The words on the pages of the decade-old book written by a forgotten author were replacing the dark words inside his head, filling him with the story that could never truly happen and allowing him an escape. He's in a place he loves, that won't wrap around his body and squeeze away every breath he has until he has to claw at himself to get it back. It's nearly one in the morning and he has the afternoon shift the next day. He even ate dinner, so his stomach isn't helplessly empty and calling out to him. He's warm and content in this small little moment of his life, but to him, it's the best thing that could ever happen.
Everything is okay.