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“Somebody said you got a new friend,” Mayan hissed in a bitter tone as he forcibly closed the door behind him. He didn’t care if the slam echoed through the halls, hell he didn’t care if people knew it had been him who made the noise. He was usually quiet and calm with his movements, today he was loud and impassioned.
Their companion bond seared with more than anger, however. Jealousy. Fear. Mayan was afraid of losing Anton and it showed in the silent emotion shared between them.
Anton exhaled, reminding himself that though he felt Mayan’s emotions, those emotions were not his own. He separated himself from the bond mentally but kept it open. He needed Mayan to understand his position. “It is not like that, Maya,” he replied carefully. He only used Mayan’s nicknames when he wanted to calm his companion down.
“Yeah,” Mayan scoffed. “We promise ourselves to one another and a week later your father sets you on a date with some unnamed heiress? What does she have that I don’t- and don’t you dare say your father arranged this just so you could have kids-” He stopped himself at the look Anton gave him.
Cocoa colored eyes closed for a second, then reopened with an admission that made Mayan want to cry. “Her name is Lissa. She’s not so bad, My. She knows her role and-”
Mayan’s emotional state dissolved into defeat. He held up a hand and waved Anton to silence. “Don’t,” he started. “Anton, she is not an actor. Have you looked in the mirror lately? She will fall in love with you and…” He trailed off, unable to say his forbidden words out loud. Anton would leave him.
Anton would forget their love and marry a woman unfit for his affection. It did not matter that they were linked so profoundly that living without each other was unbearable: If Lord Tower wanted his son to marry and have children, then they would be forced to ignore the deeper side of the companion bond. The part that united their very souls. The part that meant something.
“You know she won’t love me better than you can,” Anton assured. He took a step forward and reached for Mayan.
Their hands found each other, fingers linked in silent etiquette, a physical representation of their companion bond.
Mayan turned his head. “You can’t be okay with this, Anton.”
“I’m not,” Anton whispered, closer now, in Mayan’s space. He wrapped his arms around Mayan. “This is all the more reason you and I should leave this place. Explore and adventure until our feet give out beneath us. Be free of the court and my father. Because if we don’t, I will follow his lead and marry Lissa. I will court her and enter a loveless marriage.”
The problem with Anton’s words was that Atlantis allowed situations like this. Loveless marriages and unhappy lives. Atlantis did not care for its weak and Lord Tower was no exception. He would sooner destroy Anton’s life than allow him and Mayan the indulgence of true love.
“I will… Think of something,” Mayan returned Anton’s embrace. He rested his chin on his companion’s head and sighed at great length. “I swear to you this, my dagger, I will buy us time, even just a little.” He rubbed at Anton’s back, listening as the emotions broke their companion barrier and spilled out into the open through Anton’s tears.
In the weeks that led to their departure, Mayan forced himself to tolerate Lissa. Anton had been right: she wasn’t so bad. She seemed nice and had a sense of humor that rivaled Mayan’s own. Her eyes glittered every time she saw Anton- Mayan wished he was bold enough to be so obvious as her when it came to his love for the man.
Though she also seemed distant at times. Like tonight, when music surrounded guests and patrons and breathed glee into the air, Lissa looked bored even as she took Anton’s hand. When she walked away with Anton and cast looks over his shoulder at someone Mayan couldn’t see. When she waved at Mayan and then turned away in a quick flutter of embarrassment. It was as though a big black cloud followed her whenever she was with Anton and dissolved whenever she was with Mayan.
He ignored it, of course.
He left Anton to indulge Lissa in her walk and focused on his own task. He needed to plan. Anton wanted to traverse the whole world, finding treasures and learning new things and Mayan intended to plan the longest route possible so that he could keep Anton to himself. He almost considered himself selfish before he remembered that Anton was more than just his companion. Anton was his...
Neither of them acknowledged it out loud. Both afraid to speak the words out loud and make it real. Make it harder on themselves when the inevitable break up came. Though they both remembered how it happened. The morning after Anton’s 21st birthday, they had woken up curled against each other. Mayan had murmured something and Anton had kissed him, thanked him for everything, and that had triggered the spark.
Anton’s eyes had widened with the realization, then he had grinned at Mayan as though it made sense that of all the people to have done that with, it was Mayan. Mayan had swallowed his tears and pulled Anton closer, whispered in his ear that he loved Anton and that melded into a second round of the previous night’s activities.
Yet the word, the promise, and the meaning remained unspoken. Because if they spoke of it out loud, it would be wretched from their hands and treated like a joke by Lord Tower. Love confessions were accepted- ‘they were a phase after all’- but the thread of fate was denied. Lord Tower wanted power, a link to strengthen the Dagger Court, and Anton couldn’t give him that if his… If fate picked Mayan and not someone who could bear children.
Mayan was dragged from his thoughts when embarrassment flooded the companion bond. He turned and stared. He blinked. And blinked. And blinked a third time.
Nothing.
Static filled his stomach as he forced a wall between him and Anton. The world dulled around him as he watched- He watched- Mayan watched-
Lissa had kissed Anton.
It had been a long time coming. Mayan had sat through many meetings where Lord Tower and Anton argued back and forth on the matter of marriage and kissing and courtship and- He had never prepared himself. Through the emptiness in his stomach, all that registered was that he was in a corner, watching the love of his life kiss someone else, and the kiss was going on for so long and he could feel himself spiraling like an unending sentence in a paragraph filled only to fit a page, to make the reader drag and whine until it finally finished its destination to the period.
Humans did not have magical abilities, but it felt as though Mayan had manifested the power to become invisible. Faded and one with the shadows, his pain went unnoticed by the patrons in the room. By Anton.
His heart a void, his face a mask, Mayan withdrew into himself. He inhaled and lifted his head, then as he exhaled what little of his heart he had left, Mayan spun around and left the room.
Even through his meltdown, Mayan forced himself to keep the companion bond walls up. He needed to ignore his feelings and let Lissa and Anton have their moment. Their time together would be wonderful, Mayan told himself. Even as tears consumed his vision and his mind clouded with defeat, he convinced himself that this was fine. It was fine. It had to be fine. Two bonds- one by choice and the other by fate- wasted.
Wasted.
Ignored.
Soon to be forgotten.
Time passed but Mayan couldn’t tell how long,
The adventure started awful. A disaster, a trainwreck. Mayan exhausted himself not by being a bodyguard and companion to Anton, but by withholding his emotions. Once there had been a time where he shared everything with Anton: thoughts, ideas, plans, everything. Now Mayan shared nothing with him and it was taxing. It drained him more and more as the days pressed on. With strangers and Dagger Court associates, Mayan was cold and professional. He tolerated them only because it was a job and nothing more. Anton had been his escape, a person he could confide in and be himself. Now he was imprisoned inside himself.
Anton knew. Of course, he knew. How could he not with the way Mayan acted around him. Mayan had blocked their bonds and now treated him like a normal scion. Mayan treated him like the distance between them was normal. And Mayan knew Anton hated it: he didn’t need their bond to see the pain on Anton’s face every time he changed topics or denied him a moment alone together.
It was for the best, Mayan told himself.
Though he knew he was wrong. It was one thing to ignore the companion bond. It was another to ignore the strings that attached their very souls. Even as the day transformed into night, the consequences weighed on him. His body felt heavy and his eyes blurred the longer he stayed awake. His steps lagged and his senses dulled, which was what led him to almost losing Anton a second time. First from a heartbreaker, second from something they could have avoided.
The startled yell tore through Mayan like he’d been stabbed with a knife. It shocked him so much that the walls between his and Anton’s bond crumbled. Panic swelled between the two of them, Mayan couldn’t distinguish who felt it more.
A snake should have been the easiest thing to avoid out in the wilderness. They hated vibrations and were normally neutral so long as no one disturbed them. Anton could have easily gotten rid of the slithering creature. Instead, he had gotten too close and barely had time to dodge it before the snake lunged at him.
This is what their bond had been reduced to, protecting the idiot from a snake. With a frustrated hiss, Mayan tugged his shirt off and threw the article of clothing over the snake. Then just as quickly, he picked up the cloth-covered, wiggling mess of a monster, and hurled it through the trees. What a waste of a shirt.
Then he whirled on Anton and pointed a finger at him. Anton tried to speak but Mayan beat him to it, “Get back to the ship, my scion.”
He felt the venom as it filtered through the companion bond. He never called Anton anything but his name or a select few nicknames reserved for private moments. Being reminded of his position hurt Anton more than Mayan meant to- or had he meant to? The idea of forcing Anton to feel the same pain Mayan felt, suffering for months as Anton flirted with and courted Lissa, had once been a consuming thought. However, after finally feeling their bond between them, no matter how faded and weak, Mayan wasn’t so sure.
Anton’s pain was his pain.
And for a moment, Mayan believed it. Then Lissa and Anton’s kiss flashed through his mind and a deafening cold overwhelmed him. He tried to ignore it. He pushed the thought back. He pushed all his weight into ignoring the kiss and what happened and -
Anton pushed back against their companion bond and Mayan gave up. He didn’t want to fight against Anton, physically or emotionally. If given the choice, Mayan would have reached out and taken Anton in his arms and apologized. Apologized for being in the way of him and Lissa. For hindering Lord Tower’s plan for a strong bloodline. For being a bad companion. For being the worst possible choice for fate’s chosen.
“Is that what you think,” Anton’s voice was mixed with sadness and incredulity. He grabbed for Mayan’s hands, daring him to shy away. “You think you’re a burden?”
‘Burden,’ was not the word he would have used despite its truth. Mayan would have used ‘failure.’ Because he was a failure. He had failed to remain professional and keep his emotions in check. He had failed to protect Anton from a snake. He had failed to keep himself from falling in love with the one person he had always known he could never have.
Brown eyes averted, Mayan couldn’t look at Anton. How could anyone face the rejection and disappointment from their better half? When a warm hand touched his cheek, Mayan struggled to keep from leaning into Anton’s heat. He refused to indulge himself. Not like this.
Gentle fingers tilted his head down for him and Mayan’s brown eyes eventually met Anton’s. He’d never seen a man more beautiful than Anton. He had never glanced in the direction of another man when it came to Anton. You couldn’t top perfection. You couldn’t own it either. As Mayan stared into Anton’s cocoa eyes, he was reminded of their first night together.
A shared dance in the ballroom, an escape to a hotel room just above the venue, a mock attempt at confessions- had they even said they loved each other- followed by kisses and explicit escalation. Then they’d woken up together. Then they had bonded a second time, in a more intimate fashion.
He would lose all of that when Lissa became Anton’s wife. He would lose Anton.
“I am sorry, my scion,” he forced out in one final effort to protect himself from the incoming waterworks. “I am out of line.”
“Mayan,” Anton breathed his name like a lover’s lullaby. “Look at you. You’ve had our bond blocked for so long you can’t read it properly- you can’t tell how I feel.” Before Mayan could ask what he meant, Anton kissed him.
And it clicked.
The wind picked up around them and Anton’s free hand found its way into Mayan’s hair. Clouds covered the stars above and it was then that Mayan allowed himself to melt. He caved, his hands finding Anton’s sides just as the first crackle of thunder sounded above them. The rain introduced itself in sprinkles, a soft hello as Anton led the kiss, nibbling at Mayan’s bottom lip.
Kissing Anton was more than the taste of rain. No matter how rough or soft, the kiss sizzled as though lightning was on the way. Like a tidal wave, it left a lasting impact and dragged Mayan further out to sea. It was a destructive force that claimed Mayan as its own personal casualty. It was perfect.
Desperation swept through their bond and hands moved faster. Erratic breathing mingled, speaking incoherent emotion into existence. The weather acknowledged what they were afraid to say out loud. The storm dared the two of them to deny themselves longer, to fight against the path that fate led them on.
Neither knew who was the first to retreat. All that mattered was their eyes were on each other and Anton held catastrophic waves at bay in his eyes. His aspect worked on emotions and Mayan was the only one allowed to see him in this visceral state.
“Mayan Saint Joshua,” Anton emphasized after a moment of captured breath. “You mean everything to me. I would rather be consumed by my own aspect than face your wrath and neglect. I know what you saw and I hope you’ll let me explain.” His thumb brushed over Mayan’s lip. “If you do not want that, however, I will accept that. I will take your anger and learn from it. No matter what, I will always think of you as my better half. My heart and soul belong to you. That will never change.”
Mayan nodded, unable to stop himself from raw emotion if he were to open his mouth.
“That night Lissa told me that she wanted nothing to do with me but our fathers were in negotiation. Her father wants reputation and mine wants power, as magic runs through her veins she was the first candidate to continue our bloodline. She came to me with a proposition- it turns out both she and I… are otherwise inclined, as our fathers would say. She also informed me she has no interest in sex. When I agreed to marry her for show, she kissed me. I can’t promise it was entirely platonic but Mayan, I prefer your kisses.” Anton kissed Mayan once more, briefly, as proof.
Mayan chased his lips, ignoring the downpour around them. Surrounded by rain but Mayan felt dry as he blinked away tears and pulled Anton closer. “But what about having children?”
“Last time we had an anxiety-induced conversation such as this,” Anton chuckled, both of his hands carded in Mayan’s braids. “You said that I was not Lord Tower yet. I will say the same to you. I am not Lord Tower yet, which means we do not have to worry about that. I am Anton Saint Joshua and you are my companion and lover. The one who claimed my heart. Lissa and I have agreed to work it out when we finally become Lord and Lady Tower, but I suspect she plans to do something drastic before she marries me. Which I do not mind.”
A quick pause settled between them. Their bond thrummed with an almost palpable feeling. Soft vibrations in the air told Anton all he needed to know. Mayan’s emotions expressed through touch and emotion, not needing to be voiced aloud. As always, Mayan was on his side- he’d never been against Anton even through the misunderstanding. Mayan forgave him. Mayan loved him.
As the silence passed around them, Anton hummed. He trailed his hands from Mayan’s hair and down his arms, stopping to link their fingers together. “Shall we return to the boat finally?”
The room on the boat was simplistic and colored in the formal Dagger Court black and grey. Anton swore that once he ascended he would add a splash of color, maybe orange, but Mayan always rolled his eyes at that. Once he had asked Anton what his obsession with the color orange was but Anton hadn’t answered. So for the umpteenth time, Mayan replied that Anton looked good in black.
“I bet I look better out of it,” Anton replied cheekily.
Mayan just laughed. Then he grabbed for Anton and kissed him. Touched him and undressed him while murmuring sweet words into his ear.
A storm raged outside. Waves rocked the boat and lightning cracked against the water. When Anton moaned loudly it was followed by a roll of thunder.
The night dragged on, filled with their passion and reconciliation.