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Beomgyu had long since decided that college would be his start line all over again.
Not that he had a traumatic experience in high school that he would very much like to bury six feet beneath the ground. Well, aside from the fact that his long-time boyfriend, Soobin, had quietly pulled him aside and very gently tore through his heart, stripping away a piece every time he stares at him with a pitying look or uses one of those cliché break up lines.
"It's not you, it's me." Soobin's voice was soothing as always as he laced their fingers together. Beomgyu had tried his hardest not to dwell on the fact that this may be the last time that he could ever feel the warmth of his skin against his own. It was stupid that he kept on thinking about it than to listen how Soobin was still trying to be vague so he wouldn't hurt the younger boy. But he just can't focus on the fact that his boyfriend, who he actually thought might be the one, was gently breaking his heart right now.
"It's okay," Beomgyu finally spoke up, blinking rapidly to clear away the fogginess in his vision. He knows that his line of sight is becoming hazy because of any unshed tears but he can't seem weak right now. Not when Soobin was staring at him, worry evident all over his handsome features.
"I understand that you know, we want different things and feelings change. You don't have to give me the whole speech." He swallowed thickly as Soobin awkwardly withdrew his hand away from his. The cold wind bit down on his skin and it served as a fair distraction for a moment so he wouldn't have to hear the way his heart tore itself apart.
"I'm sorry—"
"I told you, it's okay," Beomgyu took a deep breath, eyes fixating themselves on the taller male. He forced a smile to curve across his tiers, lightly patting Soobin's hand to comfort him. Which again, seemed a little idiotic because it was Beomgyu's heart who got torn apart, right? Maybe it's because he always fussed and concerned himself more about Soobin than his own self.
"Just... take care of yourself, okay? I know you're busy in college so don't overwork yourself." He choked back on his tears, clearing his throat as he tried to laugh. It only came out weak and not at all convincing so he fell silent once again, eyes downcast.
Soobin hesitated, only for a moment, before he wrapped his arms around Beomgyu. It took everything for Beomgyu not to break down but when he felt how warm his (ex) boyfriend was against his own figure, he ended up curled up in his arms, bursting into tears as he held onto him as tightly as he could.
It was embarrassing, now that he's looking back. But completely understandable.
Soobin was even a sweetheart, staying behind so he could comfort Beomgyu, wiping away the stray tears that fell from his eyes whilst softly cooing at him. The simple act of Soobin being like that towards him for the last time left him shattered — so completely broken during the first few weeks of summer.
He almost wanted to skip his own graduation but his parents gave him an earful of scolding that he had no choice but to follow. Rumors were quick to spread and some people approached him, trying to comfort him whilst others remained in the shadows, letting him catch whispers of his own name drifting through in the hall. He didn't care enough, especially since his best friends, Taehyun and Kai, were right there to provide some very much needed distraction from his heartache.
It took days right after his graduation but soon, Beomgyu accepted the bleak reality — the reality that Soobin doesn't want him anymore. And another few more days for him to realize that he's okay; he's got four years of college ahead of him. Maybe this time, he could step up and do all the craziest things that he ever planned to do. Maybe do a little more partying and perhaps hook up with a hot stranger? Get drunk on alcohol and lose himself in so many memories in college?
The possibilities are endless. A break up won't hold back someone like Choi Beomgyu.
"Is that the last box?" Kai has his feet casually set up on top of the coffee table as he reclines on the couch, munching on a bag of chips. Beomgyu lets out a grunt as he steps inside the dormitory, promptly dropping it to the floor and collapsing on the floor almost immediately after.
The wooden floor is surprisingly cool against his warm skin, causing Beomgyu to elicit a sigh of satisfaction at the temporary relief.
"Yeah," He finally says after a moment of catching his breath, raising his head as he narrows his eyes at the younger boy. "I can't believe you roped me in and tricked me to help you move in Taehyun's room."
"Not my fault that you're easily bribed," Kai cheekily throws a smile at him, finally rising from the couch as he walks over to the kitchen. Beomgyu only rolls his eyes, finally sitting up from the floor as he lets his gaze flit around the spacious dorm.
It was a surprise that they got to snag one of the very few dorms that can fit three people but Beomgyu guesses they were only lucky for this year. Perhaps next year, he needs to get on good terms with most of the students in his department so no one would end up hating him as a roommate.
"Did you finish moving?" Taehyun slipped out of his shared room with Kai, running his fingers through his dark strands. Beomgyu throws a glare at Kai, who only burst into a fit of laughter when he stepped out of the kitchen, a cheeky grin painted across his lips.
"More like, I helped Kai finish moving."
"Thank you, Beomie."
He only heaves out a dramatic sigh though he's quick to shake his head, a laugh falling from his lips as he stands from the floor.
"Whatever, just go and fix your things up."
Without anything more to say, Beomgyu walks over to his room, slipping right inside. His suitcase is half-opened and his clothes are already beginning to fall out. He pinches the bridge of his nose, a deep sigh falling right after as he steps close to start rummaging through his clothes.
He messily pushes them aside, trying to see if he remembered to bring all the essentials that his parents had endlessly nagged him to do. Digging through his suitcase, his fingers mindlessly brush against something — a polaroid sitting right at the very bottom. A frown adorns his features as he picks it up, brushing away the clothes that were weighing it down.
When the polaroid comes to his line of view, his breath hitches and he can feel the sting in his eyes. He had spent weeks looking for this exact polaroid — ever since they broke up, he wanted to hold onto his memories with him so much that he tore his bedroom apart just for a single photograph.
But as the polaroid of their smiling faces stare back at him, the feeling of hollowness and emptiness follow soon right after. His fingers are quick to rip it into shreds, sending his heart into a tangled mess with every strip of the polaroid falling to the ground. Once the photograph has ripped itself apart, he lets out a breath that he didn't know that he was holding.
No use of holding on. Soobin moved on and he needs to do the same.
And he knows exactly what he should do.
One of the biggest traditions in their college is the partying lifestyle. It has become a staple through the generations that came and passed that it wasn't difficult to snatch an invite to one of the parties.
"I don't know," Taehyun stands in front of the mirror, slipping on an oversized shirt and tight pants with a frown curved across his lips, "I think I would rather relax in my bed and sleep the night away, instead of spending it in a crowded place and cheap beer."
"Oh, come on! Live a little!" Kai slings an arm around Taehyun, laughing lightheartedly as he pulls him close to his side. "We're freshmen in college and the parties are part of our lifestyle now."
"Don't worry, we'll get out if it gets boring, okay?" Beomgyu slips into a leather jacket, stepping right beside Taehyun to check out his reflection. The younger boy catches his eye through the mirror before an approving smile graces his tiers, briefly nodding his head in agreement to both his outfit and his statement.
"Fine, come on."
"Finally, let's go!" Kai seems to be the most excited, might be because it's a different kind of adrenaline to attend their very first college party. Beomgyu, despite being the one who suggested it to his roommates, is the one who hesitated the most. He lingers by the front door, his breath stuck in his lungs as his thoughts become a trainwreck inside of his head.
Whenever he attended parties before, Soobin was always right by his side. And he always felt bad because he wanted Soobin to go and enjoy himself, drinking alcohol until he gets drunk and playing games by the pool. But he's too responsible and protective of Beomgyu, always having his arm wrapped around the younger male's shoulders and occasionally flirting with him so he's sure that both of them are having fun together.
Tonight would be the first party that he would attend without his now ex boyfriend. It felt odd and awkward, like he was forgetting something as he steps right out of the apartment, even though he's sure that he has their keys, his phone, and wallet right with him. He slips his hands in the pockets of his jacket, making sure that all of his things are there but even then, he can't get rid of the uneasiness residing inside of him.
"Hey, hyung, you coming?"
Beomgyu snaps out of his train of thoughts, seeing the flicker of confusion on his two younger roommates' faces. He takes a deep breath, finally mustering up a smile as he catches up to them.
"Yeah, let's go."
Tonight is going to be different.
Beomgyu isn't sure if he would like it though.
The music is achingly loud that the bass made the floor vibrate. As soon as the three boys stepped right into the house belonging to one of their seniors, the crowd easily swallows them up, making them almost lose each other. Beomgyu is quick on his feet, his fingers wrapping around Taehyun's arm to keep him close whilst Kai manages to stumble right into him.
"Can you hear me?" Beomgyu raises his voice, his ears already starting to hurt because of the loud chattering and the music falling from the speakers. Taehyun and Kai only pressed themselves closer to his sides and Beomgyu almost emitted a laugh at their reactions — they came out to loosen up and have fun and yet, here they are, refusing to leave one another's sides.
Maybe Beomgyu should take the first step.
"I'll grab us some drinks!"
He slips away from their hold, after reassuring them that he'll be back soon. As he makes his way to the kitchen, he keeps on flinching and apologizing to the people he kept bumping into, keeping his eyes downcast as he finally finds a clear pathway to where the drinks are stationed. Just when he's ready to pick up three of the drinks set out, his gaze flickers to two people hanging near the kitchen.
Beomgyu completely freezes in his position, unable to tear his gaze away from them. His breath is stuck once again in his throat, rendering him speechless as he tries to connect his thoughts into a coherent line but he couldn't.
Not when Soobin is standing just a few feet away from him.
He looks better, more handsome than ever. Dark hair falling from his eyes as he brushes the strands away, his laughter still sounds like the sweetest melody that Beomgyu has ever heard. His button-up shirt hugs his figure quite nicely and dear god, it's as if Soobin happened to look much better after their break up.
It was painful and a little unfair — did he not suffer the same way Beomgyu did? They dated for two years; did none of those years made an impact on him? For exactly how long did Soobin stopped chasing after him and falling in love with him?
Soobin is busy talking with another girl, shamelessly flirting with each other. It's obvious that they were interested, considering how close they were standing and the smiles written across their lips as they gaze back at each other.
It's stupid that Beomgyu can feel the ache in his chest — it's been months, hasn't it? Of course, Soobin would have moved on already. He's in college and he must have the same mindset that Beomgyu had; it's no doubt that he's trying to enjoy his stay for the next two years.
His cheeks are burning as he blinks away the tears, mindlessly picking up two cups, instead of three. He excused himself from the kitchen, completely ignoring Soobin and his girl, choosing to pretend that he doesn't exist at all. He doesn't know if Soobin even noticed him because his gaze is completely focused on someone else, not even a flicker of recognition around his surroundings. Beomgyu is trying his hardest to pretend that he's all right, that he wasn't affected at all by what he witnessed.
But it only occurred to him when he finally came back fo Taehyun and Kai and the two of them stared at him with knitted eyebrows.
"Did you drink all of that?"
Beomgyu stares uselessly down at the one of the two empty cups, giggling afterwards as he shakes his head in denial. He rubs his cheeks as he makes a gesture that he's going back to the kitchen.
"Hold this, I'll grab more!"
He pushes the cups into Kai's hands and immediately makes his way back to the kitchen. He can hear Taehyun trying to call out to him and the entirety of his common sense is telling him to spin on his heel, turn around and make his way back to his roommates. But his head is spinning, making any coherent thoughts of his sound hazy as he stumbles into the kitchen.
It's horrible timing, really. Soobin is still there but he must have gotten braver since his hands are all over that same girl he was speaking to a moment ago.
Beomgyu stumbles right into the kitchen, narrowly avoiding them as it takes utmost concentration to pick up the cups.
"I don't think you should be drinking that much," Beomgyu flinches and almost knocks off one of the cups. He snaps his head towards the intruder and this time, he's knocked out breathless with a completely different reason.
He doesn't know his name but he wouldn't be surprised if this boy is well-known in their department. His striking blue hair is difficult to miss as he brushes his strands away, dark eyes fixated on Beomgyu. He's wearing casual clothes but he pulls them off so good that anyone would take a second look if he happens to walk by.
"What?"
"You look like a lightweight. You shouldn't drink too much when you're alone." There's an edge in the stranger's voice though after a moment, a smile of amusement curves across his tiers as he steps closer, minimizing the proximity between their bodies. The music is supposed to be loud but even then, Beomgyu is too entranced by the boy in front of him, wondering if someone as handsome as him actually exists.
"Uh," Beomgyu trails off, unknowingly giving one of the cups a squeeze, almost crushing it in his hold. He hurriedly lets go of it, pushing the alcohol away from his grip as far as possible for now. Fuck, why did he have to make a fool of himself in front of someone breathtaking like this boy?
"Maybe you should drink some water. Your face is heating up," There's an edge of amusement in his voice as a flicker of playfulness passes through his eyes, taking a step closer once again. "Unless you're blushing because of me?"
"I-I'm not!"
The stranger laughs and Beomgyu can feel his heart ram itself against the confines of his ribcage. This is certainly idiotic — why is he feeling like this? He usually doesn't get attracted to strangers at first sight but something about this boy had his heart into a tangled mess as he tries to sort out his emotions.
"You're cute."
Beomgyu swallows and for the first time, he lets his gaze flicker to where Soobin was standing with his girl a moment ago.
Huge mistake.
Their eyes meet and time seems to slow down for Beomgyu. Soobin gazes back at him with his eyes widening in surprise, certainly not expecting that he would run into his ex this early. Beomgyu hurriedly averts his eyes back to the blue haired male, who only stares at him in confusion as he tries to see where Beomgyu was gazing at a while ago.
"Make out with me."
His voice is low, full of panic and he's shocked at how easy the stranger picks up his words, considering how loud the music is. He does seem just as surprised as Beomgyu is to his own suggestion. Blinking rapidly, he lets out a laugh as he shakes his head slowly, arching a brow.
"Listen, I know I don't exactly have a clean reputation but I prefer to get to know someone's name before making out, you know—"
"It's Beomgyu." He speaks immediately, cutting off the other male's words as he closes the remaining distance between their bodies. He places his hands on his shoulders and now that they're this close, Beomgyu can see how incredibly handsome the stranger is.
Fox-like eyes stare right back at him as he tilts his head, tongue swiping across his lower lip. Beomgyu swallows every bit of pride he had left in him as he lowers his voice, eyes fixated on the blue haired male only, afraid that if he sees Soobin staring back at him, he'll lose it.
"Please, my ex is here and I don't want to seem like a loser who's still pining after him."
"Well, aren't you?"
"No!" Beomgyu blurts out, cheeks becoming flushed as he pulls himself closer in the arms of the stranger. It feels warm to have his body against his own and his head is spinning but right now, he can only concentrate how close they are to each other. He could easily lean in and tilt his head to press their lips together and honestly, Beomgyu can feel the tiniest bit of curiosity spark up within his chest.
The blue haired boy seems rather amused at the whole situation, heaving out a dramatic sigh as his arms easily slide around Beomgyu's waist to pull him flushed against his body. "Fine, anything for you, cutie."
Beomgyu doesn't even time to react — all he knows is that when the stranger moved in, he took his breath away. He feels his body relax in his touch, a sigh falling past his lips as he kisses him, surrendering himself to his desires. A shudder runs through his spine at the way his hands felt him up, his fingers dragging along every inch of his skin that's exposed to him. With the way the stranger tilts his head and deepens the kiss had Beomgyu weak in the knees. There's something about the way his lips felt against his own — he tastes sweet on the tip of his tongue and the kiss is making his stomach twist and turn.
When he feels the stranger push him against the counter, a muffled moan leaves his lips, fingers slipping through his strands to tug on them. He can feel the slight tug of the corners of the stranger's lips into a faint smirk against his lips, clearly enjoying that he knows what kind of effect he has on Beomgyu. He doesn't want to part from the kiss; his chest feels like it's on fire as he craves for more of the stranger's hands on his body and their lips moving in a slow rhythm, savoring the feeling and taste.
A whine escapes his pair when he feels the blue haired boy's teeth graze along his lower lip, sinking down onto it and tugging it lightly before he breaks the kiss. Beomgyu thought it was finally over but his senses become overwhelmed when he feels the stranger's soft lips drag against his jawline and down the slope of his neck, leaving behind a trail of kisses. He lets out a shaky breath, eyes only flickering open when he feels the other boy leave one last kiss on his lips.
"Your ex isn't here anymore."
"What?" Beomgyu is in a daze and it takes a moment before he realizes why he even agreed to do this. His eyes drop to the entry to the kitchen but Soobin and his girl were nowhere to be found.
If Beomgyu is being honest, he forgot that Soobin is the reason why he wanted to make out with the stranger. The kiss was intense yet at the same time, sparked so many confusing emotions deep within his chest. He doesn't understand why this boy has such a strong hold on him, when they only met just now.
"Oh, thank you." Beomgyu awkwardly clears his throat, withdrawing his arms away from the older male as he slips his hands into his pockets. The stranger stares at him for a long stretch of time before he bursts into laughter, casually moving to settle beside him, leaning against the counter.
"That's the first time that anyone ever thanked me after making out. Usually, they end up craving for more." As if on cue, the blue haired male's eyes run down Beomgyu's figure, doing a quick sweep before he meets his eyes with a smirk. Beomgyu's cheeks are flushed red in embarrassment, jerking away as he puts more distance between their bodies.
Did the stranger just check him out?
He emits a light laugh, shaking his head as he switches his position, letting his back lean against the counter. He crosses his arms over his chest, letting Beomgyu stay a few inches away from his body, acting as if they didn't have their hands all over each other a moment ago.
"You're cute," His dark eyes flicker back to Beomgyu with an amused smile curved across his pair, "Beomgyu, isn't it?"
The mentioned male hurriedly nods his head in confirmation and the stranger laughs, a sweet sound that tugged on Beomgyu's heartstrings in an instant. Exactly the kind of effect that Soobin used to have on him before.
"Pretty name."
It's just a simple compliment but it left Beomgyu turn into a blushing mess, cheeks coloring themselves in a red tint as he barely gets the courage to meet the stranger's eyes. He heard his name leave the lips of different people but when this stranger says it, there's a sweet tone curled around every syllable, making his heart flutter wildly.
God, how can he feel this weak around someone he just crossed paths with?
Another laugh leaves the blue haired boy's lips, finally crossing the distance between their bodies once again, making Beomgyu feel the warmth radiate from his body.
He holds out a hand, a smile lingering on his pair, "Yeonjun."
"Huh?"
"The name is Yeonjun." Beomgyu stares at him for a stretch of time before he quickly clasps his hand, shaking it. It almost feels awkward to do this, especially when all he could think about is how those hands felt so good against his body a moment ago.
"It's a pleasure meeting you, by the way, Gyu." The nickname slips by and Beomgyu doesn't even bother calling him out on it. Yeonjun has the prettiest smile that he has ever seen as he steps away, putting the distance back between their bodies.
"If you ever need someone to make out with again so you can escape your exes' judgmental stares, you know who to call." Yeonjun curves his lips into another smile, eyes crinkling before he spins on his heel and smoothly leaves the kitchen to find someone else. Maybe someone else that he could flirt and hook up with?
No, no. You shouldn't think about him at all. Beomgyu scolds himself hurriedly, feeling the exhaustion lay itself in his bones. He slips out of the kitchen, making sure that he doesn't forget the drinks again — god, how long have they been here already? Are Taehyun and Kai enjoying themselves? Or did they get too awkward and just stuck by each other's sides?
As Beomgyu slips into the living room, he finds his roommates in a heated game of beer pong and so far, they're doing well. With a deep sigh, he falls to the couch instead, pushing the drinks to the table in front of him, trying his hardest not to think about that fact that his ex is here. He tries hard not to think about Yeonjun as well but it's difficult, especially when he wants to kiss him all over again.
Fuck, he's definitely screwed.
It's the first day of his classes and Beomgyu made the absolute mistake of setting up his alarm too late. His roommates have slipped away early already because of their own classes so it was only Beomgyu left in the dormitory. Taehyun, in all of his kindness and good-hearted nature, cooked up some breakfast for Beomgyu and he makes a mental note to grab some dinner for them later.
He dashes through the hallways, cheeks flushed as he finally finds his way to the studio. He's praying to the stars that their instructor is not there yet and it seems that the skies favor him since the moment he stepped in, there's no instructor within his line of sight yet.
He finds an empty spot, getting himself involved unknowingly between two boys who are arguing.
"No, Jeno, I saw you knock off my paints again!"
"Maybe you shouldn't keep them on the coffee table then, Renjun. How many times do I have to say that you shouldn't leave a mess in our shared space?"
Fuck, is it too late to switch seats? Beomgyu is about to stand up when one of the boys holds onto his arms, making sure that he wouldn't be able to get off from his spot.
"Hey, you," His blonde hair hangs over his eyes and he brushes the strands away from his eyes as Beomgyu hesitatingly sits back down on his spot. "We need an outsider's perspective about an argument we have."
"But I don't know you two."
Right. So much for trying to get on the good side of the people in this department.
The boy holding onto his arm rolls his eyes, shaking his head as he gently pats his shoulder. "Exactly. There won't be any biased opinions. But you know, you could say that Jeno should be the one who will switch rooms since he kept interrupting my painting sessions."
"Wow, you're already influencing him? Nice job, Renjun."
"Oh, fuck off, Lee."
Beomgyu can't find an opening so he opts to press his back against the mirrored wall, shaking his head. He's suddenly glad that he doesn't have to suffer from those nightmare-like roommates that are always fighting. He knows Taehyun and Kai well enough that they'll do the chores and keep their dorm clean if they needed it.
"Oh man, I think we scared him. Shut up, Renjun."
"I'm not even saying anything!"
The dark haired boy beside him holds out a hand, flashing a wide smile that makes his eyes crinkle at the corner. "I'm Jeno, by the way. And the one who's trying to brainwash you into thinking that I'm a bad roommate is Renjun."
"That's such a stupid introduction." Renjun rolls his eyes but he does end up flashing a sweet smile at Beomgyu. "What about you? A freshman?"
"Yeah," Beomgyu can feel the heat rise to his cheeks in embarrassment, realizing that he got caught in between his seniors. "I'm Beomgyu."
"Oh, a freshman? Does that mean you attended that crazy party three days ago?"
Beomgyu emits a shy laugh, running his knuckles across his cheek to help soothe down the redness spreading on his skin. He doesn't do well when he's faced with talking to his seniors, maybe because most of them seemed intimidating and cool? But Jeno and Renjun seemed... nice enough. If they're not arguing about roommate arrangements, that is.
"Found anyone that you're interested in?"
Beomgyu sinks his teeth onto his lower lip, hesitating. Should he tell them about Yeonjun? Maybe they know him and re-introduce him again — he would love to meet the blue haired boy once more.
"Do you know Yeonjun?"
The two boys stiffened at the mention of the name almost instantly, making Beomgyu suspicious. Renjun is the one who lets out an awkward laugh, rubbing the nape of his neck as he exchanges glances with Jeno for a moment before his gaze settles back on Beomgyu.
"Why, did you get yourself involved with him?"
"We... kissed?"
"Made out, maybe." Jeno coughs into his fist and Beomgyu's cheeks become more flushed than ever. Renjun blinks rapidly before he elicits a sigh, patting his leg almost sympathetically with a pitying look directed right at him.
"You're not the first freshman that we encountered today who asked about him. He's our senior and we don't really get to interact with him."
"But he's cool!" Jeno interjects, patting Beomgyu's shoulder lightly with a small frown adorning his own features. "But from what I heard, he sleeps around. So, it's better not to get involved with him since it might get messy."
"Though from what I heard, during the party last night, he didn't even try hooking up with anyone."
"Damn, are we talking about the same Yeonjun hyung here, Renjun?"
Oh, so this is what Yeonjun meant when he said that he doesn't have a clean reputation. Beomgyu was tipsy when Yeonjun mentioned it to him before but he didn't care all that much — maybe because he was busy panicking about Soobin to care about the stains on his senior's reputation.
Now that he's hearing it from somebody else about his reputation, it left a sting that tugged on his heartstrings. It's idiotic, it's not like he's interested in the older male. He was only curious and only slightly interested about kissing him all over again. Maybe he should keep his distance with him — he doesn't want to get his feelings tangled in it.
"Thanks, by the way."
Thankfully, their instructor has finally made her way into the room and Beomgyu presses himself against the wall even more, thoughts about Yeonjun swirling in his head. All he could think about is how soft Yeonjun's lips felt against his and how his hands felt against his waist when they made out.
Stop, snap out of it. Beomgyu shakes his head and focuses on their instructor's words. Stop thinking about him.
It never occured to Beomgyu that he long since stopped thinking about Soobin. All he could think about is that blue haired boy who made his heart skip a beat for more times that he could ever count on his fingers.
He doesn't like Yeonjun.
No, he doesn't.
Right?
Beomgyu would be lying to himself if he said that he didn't care about Yeonjun's reputation.
As per the warnings given by his own seniors, he tried to stay clear from any place where he could possibly bump into Yeonjun. Their college is huge and even his department had a lot of students — it would be difficult for the stars to orchestrate a meeting of them once again.
But he would also be lying to himself if he said that he wasn't even slightly curious about meeting Yeonjun again. Would he be different as compared to their first meeting in the party? Would he be flirty or awkward with him? Yeonjun doesn't look like someone who would be awkward or nervous — his aura alone radiated intimidation and he's awfully charming with anyone that he would cross paths with.
Or at least, with someone like Beomgyu.
No wonder he got that kind of reputation on him.
A deep sigh of frustration slips by his lips as he stands outside the studio. Taehyun is still finishing up his last class for the day and Kai must have been caught up in his presentation for a strict professor.
Maybe he should meet up with some of his classmates first before picking them up?
Beomgyu's eyes are downcast as he types up a message on his phone, trying to see how long it would take for Taehyun and Kai to wrap up their own classes for the day. He isn't looking where he's stepping, causing him to collide with someone too hard.
"Fuck." A curse word slips by and Beomgyu quickly freezes up, easily picking up the familiar voice and recognizing who it belongs to. With a flicker of his eyes, he finds himself gazing back at the same fox-like eyes that stared back at him in the party. His throat goes dry as he carefully lets his gaze slide down the older male's outfit, swallowing thickly at how amazing his denim jacket looked on him and his tight pants seemed to wrap around his long legs.
He still looks as gorgeous as he did during the first time they've met.
"Wow, Gyu, checking me out already? Not even a hi first?"
He flinches at his words, chills running down his spine at how heart-fluttering his voice is. There's always something about Yeonjun that sends Beomgyu's heart into a stumbling mess, breaking itself apart within his ribcage.
"Sorry, sunbae." His voice comes out meek and soft as he hurriedly bows his head. Yeonjun seems surprised at the sudden formality before emitting a lighthearted laugh, reaching out to gently ruffle his hair, pocketing his hands afterwards with a grin.
"Why are you suddenly being formal? Did you forget what happened in the party?" Yeonjun steps forward, teasingly leaning in that Beomgyu is shocked at how close their faces are. "Or would you like a refresher?"
"No! I'm fine!"
A breathy laugh leaves Yeonjun's lips, reaching out to pinch his cheek lightly before stepping away with a bright smile directed at the younger boy. "You don't have to be so formal with me. You can call me hyung."
"Oh," Beomgyu doesn't realize how flushed his cheeks are as he pockets his phone hurriedly, rubbing the nape of his neck. He's still too flustered and shy to gaze back at the older male, wanting to scold himself for being like this. He's acting as if they've never made out — he already crossed that line. Should he be more shameless and act more casual with him?
"Okay, hyung!"
Yeonjun looks taken aback and to Beomgyu's surprise, he can see the way the blush rises from Yeonjun's neck, up to the curve of his cheeks. He didn't expect that Yeonjun would get flustered when he's called like that. The blue haired boy clears his throat, trying to shrug off the fact that his cheeks are in a deep shade of red as he tries to swerve the topic at hand.
"So, have you bumped into your ex again?"
Beomgyu narrows his eyes before shaking his head hurriedly, "No, thank god." He stares back at him with an arched brow, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why are you asking though?"
"Oh, nothing. Just looking for an excuse to make out with you again."
"Excuse me?!" Beomgyu chokes on his words, swallowing thickly as his face heats up from the embarrassment coursing through the entirety of his body. Yeonjun spares him a glance, bursting into a fit of laughter as he steps close, lightly brushing his fingers through the younger male's strands.
"You're so cute whenever I tease you," Yeonjun crosses the remaining distance between them, his warmth naturally wrapping around Beomgyu like he's in a heartwarming embrace. It always feels nice — he feels so safe whenever Yeonjun is close to him like this.
"But you know, I would prefer to take you out on a date first before I kiss you all over again."
"You really think that I would let you kiss me again?"
Beomgyu keeps his tone light though there's the sense of nervousness deep within his chest. He doesn't want to admit it but the thought of Yeonjun kissing him again left his heart bursting right out of his chest, a rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins.
Yeonjun's eyes flicker down to his pair and Beomgyu stiffens up as the older male flashes a smile at him, brushing his pad of his thumb against his cheek. "I'll take my chances."
It's taking everything, absolutely everything in Beomgyu to not crash his lips against Yeonjun's, his entire body craving for the rush of pleasure that he felt when he kissed him back at the party. It's all that he could ever think about and all of his thoughts will end up tracing themselves back to Yeonjun. How can someone make him act so crazy over a little kiss?
"I'll pick you up at 7 tonight."
"I didn't even say yes!" Beomgyu blurts out and Yeonjun laughs, a twinkle in his eyes as he pulls back, smiling ever so brightly at the younger boy. He's sure that his heart has fallen straight to his feet just at the sight of that sweet smile.
"Well, will you, Beomgyu, give me the honor of taking you out on a nice date so we can get to know each other? So we can finally get rid of any lingering curiosity about the rumors circulating around."
He clears his throat, clearly embarrassed as his ears turn red. Yeonjun must have known that Beomgyu heard about the rumors about him — now that he thinks about it, Yeonjun knows well enough about his own reputation but he doesn't seem like someone who would care about what will other people say about him. But why is he acting like he wants to change Beomgyu's mind?
"Fine," The younger boy heaves out a dramatic sigh, to which Yeonjun responded with a light laugh. Beomgyu tries to ignore the way his heart jumped right out of his chest upon hearing the sweet melody of his laughter etched in the atmosphere.
"I'll see you later, pretty."
That did it.
As Yeonjun spins on his heel, making his way out of the building, Beomgyu buries his face in his hands, hiding the crimson red that painted itself on his cheeks. He can't believe that he feels so weak at everything that Yeonjun is doing to him.
No, he wouldn't give in.
Not yet, at least.
"This is how you plan your first date with someone that you like?"
Those are the first words that left Beomgyu's lips as they step inside the nearby convenience store. In all honesty, he wasn't expecting anything grand — it's only a first date, after all. Yeonjun doesn't seem like the romantic type to plan something extraordinary to snatch someone's heart, anyway.
If Beomgyu wants to be blunt, he genuinely thought that Yeonjun was only joking. There had to be no way that Yeonjun was actually interested in him, right? From so many students in their department, why would Yeonjun even pay any attention to him? They only made out once — for someone like the blue haired boy, that kind of interaction would be easy to shrug off and find someone else that he can go further with.
As much as he's embarrassed to admit it, he lounged around his dormitory, browsing through his social media until a knock resonated from the front door. He dragged his feet to the front, a frown written on his features as he swung the door open.
The sight of Yeonjun standing on the other side left him breathless and his knees going weak in an instant. Yeonjun always look good in everything that he wears — with that loose black shirt and white pants, he still stands out if they ever get lost in a crowd.
"What are you doing here?" Beomgyu blurted out, eyeing Yeonjun's outfit as he scrunched up his nose. Yeonjun doesn't seem all that surprised as he leaned against the door frame, tapping on his wristwatch with a subtle smile climbing to his pair.
"Remember our date?"
"Oh," The realization dawned on Beomgyu that this is real. This is really happening — Yeonjun standing right in front of him, ready to take him out on a date. "Fuck! Give me a moment!"
He proceeded to slam the door on Yeonjun, hesitating for a moment if he should open the door again but he reasoned with himself that he'll be nothing but quick. He rummaged through his closet, pulling out the first shirt and pants that he saw before he tugged them on, slipping into his sneakers before he hurried over to the front door.
"Your hair is a mess." Yeonjun commented off-handedly as Beomgyu became flushed, trying to smooth down the strands. The older male reached out, fingers slipping through his hair to fix it before he finally pulled away, only to let their fingers lace together in a tight hold.
"Come on, I've got a surprise for you."
"Hey, Gyu." He snaps out of his trail of thoughts, finding Yeonjun right in front of the ice cream section. He's quick to follow, peeking right behind him and letting their bodies naturally press together close.
"You seemed deep in thought a while ago. Were you thinking about me?"
One thing that Beomgyu finally came to realization is the fact that Yeonjun can come off overconfident and cocky, if you weren't paying attention to his words. Most of the time, it's only a form of teasing and in this case, he loves making Beomgyu flustered for him whenever they subtly flirt with each other.
"You wish."
Beomgyu scoffs as they grab their ice cream sandwiches before Yeonjun pays for them. The wind outside is admittedly cold, making Beomgyu step closer so he can seek more warmth from Yeonjun's body. He doesn't take long before Yeonjun slides an arm around his frame, pulling him flushed against his side as they walk side by side.
"You should've brought a jacket." The younger boy comments, seeing the way Yeonjun's fingers shake slightly because of the bite of the cold wind on their skin. Yeonjun spares him a glance from the corner of his eye, a faint smile drawn across his tiers as he shakes his head lightly.
"I have you already to warm me up, right?"
"Ugh, that's so cliché," Beomgyu jokingly tries to escape from Yeonjun's hold but the older's grip around his body leaves him breathless. It feels undeniably warm tonight and Beomgyu suspects that it's more than the way Yeonjun is sharing his body heat with him.
"Come on." Yeonjun takes his hand, lacing their fingers together as they find their way through a nearby park. It's nearly empty, with the exception of the other people already starting to leave. It's quiet and Beomgyu can feel how serene and peaceful it is — how come he never stumbled into this park before? Especially when it looks incredibly breathtaking with the lights hanging from the trees and the fountain sitting at the center.
"Do you take all your dates here?"
Beomgyu is trying his best to keep the atmosphere light and playful because honestly, he doesn't want to face the fact that there's a slight possibility that Yeonjun is interested in him. It just seems so... unlikely — not when Yeonjun could easily snatch the heart of anyone around him.
"No," Yeonjun finally finds an empty bench, sitting on it before dragging Beomgyu to sit right beside him. He intertwines their fingers once more and it takes everything in Beomgyu to ignore the way his heartbeats resonate so loudly in his ears, an echo of rampage within his chest.
"You're the only one I brought here."
"Really?" Beomgyu is desperate at this point — is it wrong that he's trying his best to pin down his hopes as of now? He doesn't want to wind up with another heartache, "You're lying."
"Listen, if I just wanted to fuck, I would have said it already. Maybe even throw in a dinner date and flirted with you."
Beomgyu's fingers slip from the packaging of his ice cream, his cheeks flushed in a red tint. Yeonjun casually tears through the packaging, taking a bite of the sweet treat before he arches an amused brow at the younger male.
"Listen, I genuinely want to get to know you, Gyu. You seem like a nice kid," Yeonjun pauses, teeth sinking onto his bottom lip as he offers a reassuring smile at the other boy. "But I wouldn't blame you if you choose to believe the rumors. I mean, they're true so who am I to act like a hypocrite and deny them?"
Maybe that's what Beomgyu likes about Yeonjun — he's honest and straightforward about his intentions. He doesn't seem to hide anything and from the looks of it, he seems to be enjoying Beomgyu's company right now. Maybe that's why Beomgyu decidedly takes down his walls a little lower, just for him.
He did tell himself that he'll take risks, right?
"You don't bring all of your dates here, huh?" Beomgyu rips through the packaging, taking a bite of the ice cream sandwich. "Does that mean you have a crush on me?"
"Don't let it go to your head, Gyu." Yeonjun dramatically heaves out a sigh as he wraps his arm around Beomgyu's shoulder to pull him close. The younger boy willingly lets himself indulge at the warmth radiating from him, a sigh of contentment falling from his lips as they snuggle close to stay warm whilst talking about themselves.
Yeonjun remains honest, talking about himself and how the past three years have went by. Apparently, his name circulates around their department because he's considered as a legend. Constantly aiming for perfection and he's always seen practicing late at night in the studios so he can ace their finals. A lot of people looked up to him, especially when he's always so friendly and charming to everyone.
"Must be nice to be popular." Beomgyu comments, finishing up his ice cream sandwich and wiping away the stickiness from his fingers and on his lips. Yeonjun lets a small smile curve across his tiers before the corners eventually drop to form a frown.
"Not really. It's pressuring and annoying since people sometimes cling to you because of your reputation." Yeonjun remains silent, lips pursued into a thin line as he keeps his arm wrapped firmly around Beomgyu's shoulder.
"Is that why you..."
"Sleep around? Oh no, I'm not giving some sort of sob story here," A laugh falls from Yeonjun's lips but somehow, Beomgyu thinks it sounds a little too forced, "I like it. I don't want to be attached to someone because it'll just end up in heartbreak. I don't want to deal with that."
Beomgyu doesn't know why he felt a tug in his heartstrings when he heard that from the older male. It's not like he's chasing for something between them and it's stupid since as far as he knows, he still feels some sort of attachment for his ex.
"Me too," He lies through his teeth and he even managed to show a convincing smile at the blue haired male, "Why bother getting attached and getting your heart broken, right?"
"Well, here's to staying single." Yeonjun raises his hand and Beomgyu elicits a light laugh, landing a high five. To his surprise, Yeonjun laces their fingers once more again, raising his hand to leave a chaste kiss on the back of his hand before pulling away with a cheeky grin.
"Ugh, you're so annoying." Beomgyu rolls his eyes though his cheeks still heat up as he snuggles close to Yeonjun's warmth. All he receives is a sweet laugh drawing itself in the atmosphere — such a heart-fluttering laugh that Yeonjun has.
They spend the night, talking and laughing over everything and nothing at the same time. Talking to Yeonjun feels comfortable, like he doesn't have to put up a front. The older boy is playful and flirty, his personality a complete difference from his intimidating aura.
What's troubling is the way Beomgyu's heart jumps right out of his own chest whenever he hears Yeonjun laugh at something he said or the way his gaze seems to linger on him. He caught him too many times staring at him with a dreamy smile curved across his tiers. Beomgyu hurriedly tears apart the hope that settles in his chest, forcing himself to remember the words that Yeonjun uttered to him tonight.
I don't want to be attached to someone because it'll just end up in heartbreak. I don't want to deal with that.
It's idiotic how affected he is about this. Even as Yeonjun walked him back to the dorm, it's all that he could think of. When Yeonjun laces their fingers together, he had to take a deep breath to steady the pacing of his heartbeat. When Yeonjun moved in to wrap his arms around his figure, his heart falls to his feet as he steps closer, wanting to feel more of his warmth.
"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay." Yeonjun slips away and with one more smile directed at him, he spins on his heel and leaves to head to his own dorm. Beomgyu takes a deep breath before he turns around to open the door, shutting it right behind him. Kai and Taehyun are busy cuddling on the couch, binge watching on Netflix so they didn't bother too much when Beomgyu came in late, claiming that he only went out to the convenience store.
He rushes to his own room, locking the door and sinking right onto his bed. His heartbeat still hasn't ceased in beating so fast, the loud echo of his heart ramming itself against his chest leaves a lingering evidence of how he felt towards Yeonjun.
But he can't feel this way.
He doesn't want to experience another heartache.
(But somehow, when it comes to Yeonjun, he doesn't seem to mind.)
Despite what others and Yeonjun himself have said, he still ends up chasing after the blue haired boy. Something about him pulls him in, so bewitching that Beomgyu doesn't care anymore about what others may say about him.
When he's with Yeonjun, the older male is sweet and really protective of him for some reason. Whenever they cross paths in parties, Yeonjun is quick to abandon whoever he's with so he can talk to Beomgyu, laughing about everything and nothing once more. Their relationship feels light, like Beomgyu doesn't have to worry about anything when he's with him.
He did try his hardest to ignore the lingering feeling of heartache inside of him, burying any sort of romantic attachment he has for the older male. It doesn't matter, right? Yeonjun may be close to him if given the chance, he would be more than glad to take someone else into his arms and be with them for the night.
Beomgyu is just a close friend. It's all that they're going to be.
It doesn't take long before Beomgyu soon accepted the state they're in. If Yeonjun only wants them to be friends then he'll be more than happy to be a good friend to the older boy. It's a privilege to even see Yeonjun's carefree and sweet side and he doesn't want to lose it at all.
But of course, his friends will never believe any of his lies.
"You really need to get over your crush on Yeonjun hyung," Kai is the first one to speak up about the matter during one of their rare breakfast sessions, plopping right in front of Beomgyu so he can start eating his cereal. Beomgyu chokes on his toast, hurriedly taking a gulp of his water before he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
"What the hell?" He blurts out, huffing afterwards with a frown painted across his features. "I don't have a crush on him."
"You do and it's painfully obvious." Taehyun walks in the kitchen, suppressing a yawn as he rubs his eyes. His pajamas are wrinkled as he takes the empty seat between Beomgyu and Kai, lazily taking a toast and munching down on it.
Beomgyu splutters, cheeks heating up as he shakes his head in complete denial to what was said to him, "No, I can't have feelings for him."
"Can't?" Taehyun arches a brow at him, tilting his head to the side. The older male only shakes his head, staying silent as he finishes up his toast. He can see the way Taehyun and Kai exchange glances briefly before they lean in close to Beomgyu's personal space.
Beomgyu waves his hand at the two of them, putting enough distance between them as he stands from his chair. He puts his used plate in the sink, letting out a heavy sigh as he turns back to his roommates.
"I don't have feelings for Yeonjun hyung, okay? We're friends and that's it."
With the edge of finality in his tone, the younger boys nod their heads and finally choose to drop the topic at hand. Though they can always detect it when Beomgyu lies, they've never pushed him to say the truth. In a way, he's relieved because right now, he doesn't know what his heart truly wants.
He knows that Yeonjun causes his heart to be a tangled mess whenever they smile at each other. But for some reason, Beomgyu is still hesitant in completely severing any sort of attachment he has with Soobin.
His first love — how do you get over someone as perfect as Soobin?
He washes up his own plate and dries it off, putting it back in the cabinet. He tries not to dwell in the feelings that erupted deep within his chest. "I'm gonna head to my classes now. Let's eat dinner later."
"Oh, can I pick the place this time?" Kai quickly speaks up and Taehyun lets out a sigh of defeat. Beomgyu elicits a laugh, nodding his head as he steps out of the kitchen.
"Sure, I'll pick you guys up from your classes so we can head there together."
With that, he steps away from the kitchen, moving close to grab his coat and slipping it on his body. From the gloomy weather residing out of their windows, he can see that it might rain later so he makes sure to grab hold of his umbrella. He runs his fingers through his own dark hair, brushing away his strands as he slips out of the dormitory to make his way to his first class of the day.
True to his thoughts, the rain started pouring as he makes his way to his department. He's quick on his feet, careful that he wouldn't slip as he holds the umbrella over his head. A few droplets of the rain got caught in his hair as he shakes his head, closing his umbrella once he's in the safety of his own building.
A laugh echoes from his right side and out of instinct, his entire body freezes in his position. His eyes flicker to where the laugh came from and his heart drops to his feet. His breath becomes stuck in his throat, rendering him speechless like the first time they collided after they broke up.
"Soobin?" He murmurs, voice barely above a whisper as Soobin crosses the remaining distance between them, that sweet smile curled upon his lips. That same smile that made his heart twist and fall to his feet whenever he sees it. Right now, Soobin still seems to have some kind of effect on him.
"Hey, Beomie." It's a slip of an affectionate nickname but it still leaves Beomgyu's heart into a mess. Soobin always called him that when they used to date and it always made his heart skip a beat whenever he hears it from his lips.
Dear god, why does he still feel this way towards him?
"What are you doing here?" He makes small talk, running his fingers through his strands. Soobin's eyes follow his movements before a smile finally tugs onto his pair as he pockets his hands in his own dark jacket.
"Just thought of dropping by and visting you."
It takes a moment before his words registered in Beomgyu's head. "Me?" He points to himself, dumbfounded at the twist of events that happened. Soobin lights up, nodding his head as they start walking leisurely over to the studio where Beomgyu's first class will take.
"Mm, I realized that we never really talked after, you know." Soobin makes an awkward gesture of pointing to himself then to Beomgyu, as if referring to their break up. The younger boy is quick to catch on though, forcing a smile to curve upon his lips.
"Yeah," He lets out a nervous laugh, praying to the stars that Soobin will not remember how he witnessed seeing him and Yeonjun making out like there's no tomorrow. He would die of embarrassment right then and there.
"You seem well-acquainted with Yeonjun hyung."
Of course, the universe will not listen to his wishes for today. It must be its own cruel twist of fate that his path collided with Soobin's.
"Oh, you know, we're just friends..."
"Friends?" Soobin bursts into a fit of amused laughter as he shakes his head, gazing back at Beomgyu with a playful smile curved across his lips. "Friends don't make out like that."
Fuck, of course he'll remember that too.
"Ah, I hope I don't sound like some jealous ex," Soobin laughs it off when he sees the horrified expression written on Beomgyu's features. He reaches out to playfully ruffle his hair, watching as Beomgyu slowly relaxes though he still anxiously takes his lower lip between his teeth as he stares at the other male in nervousness.
"I'm happy for you. I mean, Yeonjun hyung may seem too intimidating or cocky but he's a real sweetheart. You guys fit each other well."
Beomgyu blinks once, twice, not quite expecting this kind of reaction. Did his ex-boyfriend just said that he's happy that Yeonjun and him are together?
Somehow, that stung. Beomgyu never understands his feelings but the thought of Soobin finally moving on by saying all of this proves that it's Beomgyu who got left behind. They'll never get back together, like how he used to dream of for the past months.
"We're... not dating." Beomgyu clears his throat, mustering up a smile that looks like it'll waver. "We're never going to end up dating."
Soobin seems to be taken aback at his words. He blinks fast, looking like he'll say something else before he shakes his head with a small smile at him. He reaches out, pulling Beomgyu into his arms and enveloping him into a warm embrace. It might be selfish but Beomgyu wants to indulge himself more in his warmth as he willingly snuggles up against him, arms sliding around his waist.
"I hope you find someone who'll make you really happy. And I hope our past won't hold you back from being happy with someone else."
Beomgyu swallows every bit of urge he has to cry right now, choosing to sink his teeth onto his lower lip so hard as he nods his head mutely. Soobin breaks away from the embrace and puts some respectable space between their bodies, a reassuring smile directed at the younger boy.
"It's nice to see you again, Beomie. Let's catch up again soon, okay?"
The younger boy only nods his head with a tight smile, even raising his hand so he can give him a wave as Soobin finally leaves, making his way to his own building. Beomgyu stands there, heart ramming itself in his chest but he remains numb at the amount of emotions that exploded through his entire body.
As he slips inside the studio, he fails to see Yeonjun standing a few feet away, clutching a small box of chocolates in his hand and a wet umbrella in his other hand, staring forlornly at his back.
Days have blurred themselves into a string of mindless studying and late night practices at the studio. He doesn't know why but every time he sees Yeonjun from afar, he hurriedly spins on his heel and leaves for another direction. Once, he heard Yeonjun calling out his name amidst a crowd of students and he easily pretended that he didn't hear the older male calling for him.
He barely responds whenever the blue haired boy texts him, choosing to ignore or decline his calls as well. He doesn't want to face Yeonjun — he doesn't know why the older boy is even chasing after him. He's busy with other people, right? Beomgyu isn't interested in listening to the way he would brag about how he got someone in his bed. He long since buried his feelings for the older boy and it's destroying him that Soobin had moved on completely from their relationship.
He feels absolutely lost, wanting to drown out every feeling that resides in his veins. He doesn't want any of this, he wants to go back to the times when he was carefree and light, spending time with his best friends. Now, he's constantly stressed and losing time to take care of himself, pushing his body to its limits as much as he can.
The mindless routine that he built for himself soon collapsed when Yeonjun finally visited him one night, when he was up late to practice in the studio.
He's working hard to earn a good grade, making every move of the choreography as precise and clean as he could. His heart is racing because of how fast and complicated the routine is but he doesn't give up.
"Your body is too stiff."
The voice is so loud and crisp that Beomgyu almost tripped over his feet when he heard it bounce off the walls of the studio. He turns around and catches sight of Yeonjun standing by the door, staring at him with a critical eye, quietly analyzing his movements. He pulled his white cap off, running his fingers through his blue strands as Beomgyu turns off the music blasting from the speakers.
"Yeonjun hyung?" He wipes away the sweat dripping from his forehead, catching his breath as Yeonjun crosses the distance between them. "What are you doing here?"
"I should be asking you that," Yeonjun takes a seat near the mirrored wall and Beomgyu feels compelled to take the empty space beside him. The older boy spares him a glance, noticing at the amount of distance between them before he bravely moves closer to lessen the space.
"Why are you avoiding me?"
"I'm not," Beomgyu quickly says, all too fast that Yeonjun becomes suspicious as he stares at him. The younger boy heaves out a sigh, eyes downcast as he hugs his knees against his chest. "I'm sorry, it's not you—"
"Oh, cut the bullshit. I've already used those break-up lines before."
It must be the playful and light tone in Yeonjun's voice that Beomgyu can't help but crack a smile at his direction. Yeonjun lights up at the sight of Beomgyu's smile that he willingly closes the remaining distance between their bodies, letting his warmth overwhelm the younger boy once again.
The silence descends over their heads as they wonder what they should say. Since when did it become this awkward? They've always found a way to get rid of the silence and talk to each other about almost anything. The sound almost seems foreign for the both of them.
"Did I do something wrong?" Yeonjun finally breaks the reticence, eyes flickering nervously over to Beomgyu with a frown adorning his features. "We never talk anymore these days and you... always avoid me."
"No, you didn't." Beomgyu doesn't like where this conversation is leading to. Yeonjun knows exactly how to steer his words until they end up talking about what he wants to know, without spilling any details about his own self. And right now, that seems to be the case.
"Then what? Are you avoiding me because you still have feelings for Soobin?"
It feels like a punch straight to his stomach. The breath becomes knocked out of his lungs, blinking rapidly as he tries to search through his head to find what he needs to say. But he only comes up empty-handed as he hurriedly tears his gaze away from the older boy, choosing to pin his stare on the wooden floor.
Yeonjun lets out a shaky sigh right beside him and though he's not looking at him, he can feel his heavy gaze pinned on him. He doesn't have the courage to meet his eyes right now, knowing that the older boy must be disappointed that he's still pining after his ex-boyfriend.
"Gyu, what do you feel about me?"
It's the question that shocks him to the core. He stiffens up, eyes quickly flickering over to him. Yeonjun is staring at him with knitted eyebrows with a flick of nervousness through his dark fox-like eyes.
He has never seen Yeonjun like this before — he looks anxious and nervous, awaiting for his answer with a pleading gaze. Beomgyu parts his lips, not knowing what to say as he feels something stuck in his throat. He swallows thickly and lays his back against the mirrored wall with Yeonjun carefully assessing every move that he makes.
"I don't know, hyung." It's the truth — he really doesn't know what he should say to him. What he does know is that his heart becomes a wreck whenever he takes even the smallest of a glance at Yeonjun. Something about him always left him breathless more than ever and his chest felt so warm, so full of adoration for him only.
Yeonjun's eyes soften, reaching out. He halts for half a second before quietly letting their fingers lace together, like they always do. Beomgyu wanted to cry; he didn't know that he missed Yeonjun like this so much. It hurts him because he doesn't know what his heart truly wants.
"You know, for a moment, I really thought that you were starting to like me." Yeonjun pauses, his thumb brushing against his knuckles as he spares a hurried look. Their eyes met and Beomgyu could have sworn that there's a flicker of hopelessness and disappointment in the older male's dark eyes.
"But when I saw the way you held onto Soobin—" He breaks off, unable to hold his gaze anymore as he stares down at their intertwined hands instead. There's the sadness written all over his features and Beomgyu feels the urge to reach out and kiss his sadness away until he's smiling so brightly again.
"You look at him like he's your whole world." His voice trails off and it becomes quieter, the silence echoing louder than it used to do. What's even more painful is the way he gently pulls his hand away from Beomgyu's, a saddened smile gracing his features.
"I wish you would look at me like that too."
With that, a deep sigh leaves Yeonjun, his shoulders finally relaxing, like he released something heavy in his chest. He spares a quick, reassuring smile at the younger boy, reaching in to gently place his hand at the back of Beomgyu's head, pulling him in so he can leave a lingering kiss on his forehead.
It feels so different — so innocent and full of love. Even with the way Yeonjun is staring at him shows the amount of adoration he has for him only.
What did Beomgyu do that he managed to make Yeonjun look at him with eyes full of love?
"No matter what you choose, I'll be happy for you, Gyu."
Beomgyu remains silent as he watches Yeonjun pull away, slipping his cap back on. He catches Beomgyu's gaze, a sad smile spreading on his lips before he quietly pushes the door open, stepping right outside without another look and letting it fall shut right behind him.
He releases a breath that he didn't know he was holding as he curled up against the wall, his eyes stinging.
He fucked up this time, didn't he?
"Go away," Beomgyu's voice comes out muffled as he continues to bury his face against his pillow. The knocking on his door resumes, as if the people on the other side refuse to acknowledge his statement. With a sigh, he lifts his face from the pillow and is about to repeat his words when he hears the familiar click of the lock.
He struggles not to roll his eyes when Taehyun switches on the light as Kai carries a box of pizza and chicken into his room.
"We brought you food!"
"Should've left my piece outside." Beomgyu elicits a sigh as he surrenders to what his roommates have done. They made themselves comfortable in his room, placing the food on his study table as they lounge next to him on the bed. The older boy remains quiet as Kai passes him a piece of pizza, which he briefly shows a gracious smile right at him before busying himself with the food.
He barely ate these days and he's not getting enough sleep. Kai and Taehyun have been nothing but worried about his health, checking up on him constantly and occasionally even unlocking his door to make sure that he isn't dead from starvation already.
"Are you really not going to your classes anymore? The finals are near." Taehyun strikes up the conversation, taking a piece of chicken to strip off a piece, taking a bite from it.
"I don't know."
"Oh, come on, a bunch of your seniors came by. I think they were Jeno and Renjun? They actually gave us these." Kai gestures to the food and that's enough for Beomgyu to feel the corners of his lips curve into a smile, making a mental note that he should thank them once he has the chance.
They all fall silent once again, taking their time in eating before Taehyun seizes the opportunity to talk again.
"What happened?"
It's only two words — they weren't supposed to trigger so many emotions deep within Beomgyu's chest. As he parts his lips, a lump forms in his throat and the corners of his eyes stung, unshed tears wanting to slide down his cheeks.
"I think I messed up," Beomgyu takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down though his hands won't stop shaking. He keeps his eyes downcast as he speaks, his voice coming out hoarse. "I rejected Yeonjun hyung. He told me that he likes me but he thinks I'm still holding onto Soobin so he let me go."
He doesn't see his roommates' expressions but considering how they became silent, it's obvious that it's troubling for them too. He heaves a sigh, ready to let an apology to slip by his lips when he feels the weight added on both of his sides — Taehyun hugs his head whilst Kai has his arms wrapped around his waist.
"It's okay, hyung." Taehyun's voice is filled with reassurance and gentleness as he lightly pats Beomgyu's head, wanting to comfort him. "The heart's always confusing. It's easy to get lost, especially in your kind of situation."
"Does Yeonjun hyung make you happy?"
Kai speaks up, any trace of his playfulness is gone as he searches any difference on Beomgyu's expression. The older boy hesitates as the two boys let go of him, allowing him to have the space that he would need to think it over.
"Of course, he does."
"The way that we do?"
It's a simple question — it's a yes or no. Beomgyu opens his mouth, all ready to say yes when he falls silent instead, blinking rapidly at his own empty hands. He suddenly misses the warmth he would feel whenever Yeonjun would wordlessly take his hand to lace their fingers together with the sweetest smile written across his features.
Now that he thinks about it, Yeonjun never looked at anyone like that. Right from the start, it has always been like that between the two of them.
"No," He swallows thickly, sparing a quick glance at Kai, who only nodded at him, as if confirming the hunch that he has. Beomgyu sinks right into his bed, a frustrated groan leaving his lips as his feelings and thiughts finally caught up to him, rendering him absolutely speechless.
"Fuck, I need to talk to him, don't I?"
"Obviously." Taehyun bites down on another piece of pizza casually, moving to place himself at the foot of Beomgyu's bed. It doesn't take Beomgyu too long before he throws on a shirt and some pants to at least make himself presentable before slipping into his sneakers once again.
"I'll be back!" He rushes outside, heart pounding and barely paying attention to Kai saying we'll eat everything, by the way! Not that he cares, there's only one thought swirling in his head and he no longer wants to waste any more time. Not when he's sure that there's still a possibility that Yeonjun still likes him after everything that happened.
It took at least ten minutes of running through hallways, sneakers hitting the ground and squeaking loudly. It's nearly empty since the others are busy going out to savor the last week of freedom or they'fe working hard for their finals.
When he hears the familiar sound of bass echoing through the wall, he feels drawn to one particular studio. His footsteps become light as he approaches the door, gently pushing it open so he can see who's residing within.
For as long as Beomgyu met Yeonjun, he only saw the older boy dance once. It was during a party and the people around him started cheering for him — being the life of the party, he certainly didn't disappoint as his breathtaking dance caused everyone to get hyped. Beomgyu was shocked when Yeonjun suddenly pulled him in, improvising a dance with him whilst laughing as he held onto the younger boy tightly. Beomgyu would never forget the absolute joy that he felt when he saw how bright Yeonjun looked, his eyes filled with more stars than he had ever seen in his lifetime.
Until now, Yeonjun still manages to take his breath away. He slips inside, letting the door fall shut behind him as Yeonjun loses himself in a routine that's complicated. He always loved how smooth the older boy moves — always so graceful and light. His stage presence always commanded everyone's attention and Beomgyu himself became a victim to that. He's so passionate when it comes to dancing that Beomgyu couldn't help but admire him from afar.
They're both caught by surprise when Yeonjun lets his eyes flicker open, locking gazes with him through the mirror in front. Yeonjun wordlessly turns off the music and slipped off his cap, running his fingers through his fading blue strands.
"Oh, you're here."
There's a slight disinterest in his tone that made Beomgyu flinch, wondering if he made the right decision of coming here. What if he was wrong? What if Yeonjun didn't like him anymore?
During the past days, Yeonjun never initiated any form of contact between them. Does that mean that he finally moved on from him?
"Hi, hyung." His voice comes out soft and meek, nervously standing by the door. Yeonjun spares him a glance, his chest rising and falling as he steadies his breathing for a moment before his gaze finally softens. With that, Beomgyu takes it as a sign as he takes a seat against the mirrored wall with Yeonjun following right after, settling down beside him. He lays his phone right in between them, putting enough distance between their bodies so there won't be any awkward contact.
The silence echoes right between them, carefully choosing what they want to say. Beomgyu needs to say what's on his mind or else, he might explode.
"How are you doing these days, hyung?"
"Fine, practicing for my finals."
Beomgyu sinks his teeth onto his lower lip, wondering what else that he should say. As he parts his lips, Yeonjun's phone lit up, signaling them that there's a message. Beomgyu's eyes are quick to read the words on the screen and what he saw broke his heart.
Unknown [17:21] i had fun last night ;) let's do it again
"Oh," Beomgyu ends up deflated, heart cracking in pieces as Yeonjun ignores the message, choosing to pocket his phone instead. There's an awkward silence that settles upon their heads and Beomgyu decided to break it, his voice soft and full of reluctance as his gaze flickers to the older male.
"Have you been—"
"Yeah, I've been sleeping around these days."
It stings how Yeonjun is so casual about revealing the truth to him, like it's not something that would cost his heart to ache like this. Is this how he felt when he saw Beomgyu with Soobin that fateful day? Like his heart would crumble and break into pieces?
A laugh leaves Yeonjun's lips but it sounds so awfully empty and hollow as he chooses to stare ahead.
"Fuck, I remember how I only started out like this so I can get rid of stress. I can't believe I'm doing it again because of a damn sob story," Yeonjun sniffles, hurriedly wiping at the corners of his eyes as he gazes down on his palms with a frown adorning his features. "Imagine the fact that I'm doing this so I can forget about how I feel about you. It's fucking idiotic, I—"
The rest of his words fall away as Beomgyu moves closer without a second thought. He gingerly cups his cheeks and crashes their lips in a deep kiss, pulling himself closer until their bodies are pressed flushed together. He can feel the way Yeonjun freeze in confusion at his touch but soon, he can feel his body melt against his own as he responds to the kiss.
It's nothing like their first kiss. The first time they did this, it was heated and drowned out everything else at that moment. Right now, as Beomgyu lets his fingers slip through the boy's strands to tug him closer with a shaky breath, he becomes aware of everything — the way Yeonjun's hands fit so well around his waist to keep him close. His soft, soft lips that causes chaos in Beomgyu's chest as they kiss, savoring the feeling of their bodies melting together and the sweetness of it. The way they move in rhythm as Beomgyu seats himself on Yeonjun's lap, basking himself in the warmth radiating from both of their bodies.
He doesn't want to let go.
He never wants to let go.
Once he feels the breath runs out of his lungs, he hesitatingly breaks away. His eyes flicker to Yeonjun's expression, his heart skipping a beat at how flustered Yeonjun appeared. They're completely different now, from what they used to be. But Beomgyu doesn't mind, especially when Yeonjun pulls him into another breathtaking kiss.
"What am I going to do with you, Choi Beomgyu?" Yeonjun murmurs against his lips, his thumb gently grazing along the curve of Beomgyu's cheek with a soft sigh. "You always drive me insane."
"What do you say," Beomgyu reaches out to grab Yeonjun's hand, intertwining their fingers in a tight grip as he stares at the blue haired boy with the brightest and most hopeful smile that he could form, "We give us a shot this time?"
It's an understatement to say that Beomgyu fell in love at the way Yeonjun lights up at his words, lips curved into the sweetest and happiest smile that he has ever seen. Their laughter falls into the atmosphere as Yeonjun tackles him, kissing his entire face whilst saying yes, yes, yes for so many times that Beomgyu loses himself in between everything.
"Mine," Yeonjun's voice is soft as he lightly pecks the tip of Beomgyu's nose, eyes bright with the stars hiding in his irises. "Only mine."
"Yours." As Beomgyu pulls him in for a kiss, his words become the sweetest promise that he can give to Yeonjun.
"I'm all yours, Yeonjun hyung."
The music resonates loudly from the speakers, making Beomgyu wince in pain. He steps away hurriedly, accidentally colliding against someone as he stares at him with a smile lingering on his lips.
"Hey, you." Yeonjun never seems to lose that sweet smile of his whenever they're together and tonight is not an exception. He leans in, stealing a kiss from Beomgyu's pout, pulling him flushed against his body like he always does. "Wanna get out from here?"
"The words I've been looking forward to hearing all night."
Yeonjun emits a laugh as he laces their fingers together, making their way out of the house. The cold wind wraps them into a shivering embrace, causing them to inch closer to each other to share more of their warmth. The blue haired boy didn't say where they'll be going but Beomgyu knows this path all too well.
They make their way to the nearly empty park, lights still hanging from the trees and illuminating the surroundings in a soft kind of glow. It's peaceful and quiet, perfect for the both of them as they find the one bench they used when they went out on their first date.
Beomgyu takes a seat first whilst Yeonjun towers over him, a serene smile taking over his features as he bends down to his eye level.
"So, do you take all your dates here?"
Yeonjun emits a heart-fluttering laugh, leaning down to steal a kiss from his lips. It's enough for Beomgyu to thank his lucky stars that someone like Yeonjun likes him just as much as he does.
"No, it's just you." Yeonjun smiles at him and Beomgyu couldn't help but smile back, their fingers tightly intertwining as their heartbeats fall in sync.
"And it'll always be you."