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Jon tried not to look. He knew that if he looked up at Martin's tired, disappointed face and saw what he already knew was upset resolve and tired caring, he knew that would hurt.
"So… Are you coming back?" Martin asked quietly, rubbing his arm as he tried to find something else to focus on that was anything but Jon. He knew he wasn't going to stay long. Hell, he'd been gone for months, Martin assumed him dead. Of course he'd find another reason to leave and distance himself.
"I-I don't know, probably not yet, there's a lot of…" Jon sighed, reaching to push the fringe from his eyes to take the brunt of what was going to be the saddest response, trying to end it on a more positive statement.
Martin simply let out a frustrated, saddening sigh.
"I'm actually on a bit of a treasure hunt." He tried to sugar coat it, and it seemed to work as Martin's eyebrows raised in curiosity. "I mean, treasure in the sense of the world not ending…" Martin's shoulders relaxed as he let out another sigh.
"I-I mean, I'll keep in touch, I'll still need all of you to look up stuff for me."
"Is that… all?" Martin had tried for minutes to cut himself off from this conversation, knowing full well how it was going to end.
"... What do you mean by that?" Jon stood up straight and put down the paperwork he was stacking together.
"I just…" Martin bit his lip as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I missed… you. I mean I can't speak for everyone else but… You disappeared. I know after the whole Lightener incident you had to but… You were kidnapped for an entire month. Shouldn't you be giving yourself a break? You look like you haven't slept in weeks." He was trying to stay strong but felt like crying. He wasn't sure if they were tears of relief and sadness, or of anger and frustration.
"You… Missed me?" Jon rounded his desk to walk closer to Martin. "I… haven't slept. In a while. An hour or two here and there but nothing substantial. But I need to jump on this information while I have it before something else horrible happens--"
"Horrible like what?" Martin was at his limit. "You've been through all this shit and you refuse to let yourself rest for even a day! I know we're talking entities and end of the world stuff here but--"
"I could lose you." Jon almost whispered, stopping Martin's outburst sternly. "I… can't risk losing you. I know you're connected to this place just like me and everyone else here but I can't help but want and need to protect you. What could hurt you keeps me up later than the things that go bump in the night." Jon crossed his arms weakly. "I can't control whatever has a hold on me, but if I try to control all the things that could bring you harm then I can pretend I still have some semblance of control."
"I… I'm, I'm sorry," Martin's hands started to shake as he felt an onslaught of what felt like a thousand emotions hitting him all at once. Jon stepped closer to him and held his hands out so he could grasp Martin's, letting him take the time he needed to reach back.
"Please don't be. None of this is your fault, and you couldn't have known." They stood there for a few ticks in silence, Martin's breath evening out as he recovered from the few tears that had escaped. "It… was actually your voice that helped me to sleep."
"Wh-at?" Martin was hit with confusion as he hadn't spoken to Jon in months.
"I… remember those tapes of poetry that you recorded and didn't hide very well?" Jon couldn't help but crack a smile as Martin's face turned a light shade of red, coating his cheeks and the tips of his ears.
"I thought I did a pretty damn good job hiding them…" He mumbled, looking down at the still soft but firm grip Jon still had on his hands.
"Well… I only found a couple. But whenever I'm upset or overwhelmed I'll just put on Paris or, my favorite, Beauty of the Beholder." He looked up at Martin to see a look of panic strike him. "That one feels a little more… personal."
"It's uh… about you so… yeah." Martin was suddenly aware of how close they were standing together, their height difference more defined as the warmth spread between them. "I guess hiding them in an empty box of tapes you'd eventually go through wasn't the best place."
"Listen to me, Martin. I promise to keep in touch with you. And not just for information." Jon had this feeling in the pit of his stomach he didn't know how to describe as Martin's look of brief panic melted into this sweet smile.
"Thank you. I'll uh… be here. I'll try to keep an eye on Elias, but I'm sure he's already got several on me." The two weren't sure how to pull away, but they both quietly didn't wish to. They stood, staring at each other until a knock at the door had them separating fast, faster than they would have liked.
"I guess I better uh, go, then. Be safe, Jon." Martin smiled back at him one more time as he turned to open the door.
"You too." Jon found himself unapologetically smiling back, a dumbfounded, wide smile, that had him forgetting about all of the world-ending madness happening around him.