Archive of Our Own

Games and parties weren’t Kasamatsu’s forte. When he graduated high school and got into college, he declined all invites to any social gatherings within campus because these gatherings equals parties, whenever there’s a party, there are always noise and obnoxious people who don't know what personal space means. Or he just simply didn’t like crowds and having to meet new people, it exhausted him. A year later, when a few of his juniors signed up into the same University and assigned in the same dormitory block, he was still found denying invites to parties. "It'll be fun!" Furihata had said, the one he knew to be quite shy when they were in high school and grew rather confident.

"You guys go ahead. I have plans of my own. You know, when inspiration kicks in." Kasamatsu replied, which wasn't a lie, he did have a few music drafts that he wanted to quantise. Also, he didn't want to go to that halloween party that everyone on campus had been hyping about since summer. So there he was that halloween night, alone in his dark room, only the light from his laptop top and the little lights that glowed from his audio interface where he jacked his headphone and midi keyboard in. 

Two weeks 'til due assignment and he has not even started on a draft for one of his songwriting classes. He was too distracted, and he wouldn't even admit to himself but deep down he knew why he had been so distracted with new ideas and inspiration for making new music, the melodies that rhymed with his soul that his heart refused to acknowledge, or that his brain was simply stubborn. Cheesy . Kasamatsu shook his head at the thought of it itself. And absolutely weird . But he couldn't help it even if he wanted to. 

He took off his headphones and laid it on the table beside the keyboard. Allowing his ears to rest and his mind to relax. The dorm was extra quiet since most of the students were out partying, including Kise and some of their friends. Wouldn't surprise him if Kise hooked up with some rando. Stupid kid . Kasamatsu felt a sudden lurch of anger that came from the envy in denial. 

They weren't dating anymore. Whatever they had was a highschool thing, barely lasted five months. 

He picked up his acoustic guitar from the stand beside the table, tuning's were just a tiny bit off, but didn't bother to twitch the tuners. He hummed softly as he plucked and strummed the chords. He knew he was alone, no one could hear him, no one could telepathically read his mind even from afar. So he allowed his mind to wander, to reminisce, to miss, to fantasise what could have been. 

" I can't never let you no, I can't let go… " the melody flowed past his lips softly. " I just wanna stay in your love  I just wanna feel your heart ," he smiled, deeply infatuated that he allowed himself to forbiddingly indulge when he's alone. " I just wanna feel you, hold you, see you once again ," 

A knock on the door didn't disrupt him from his trance but he hummed in response to the guest outside. 

" Senpai! " 

Familiar voice caused the fingers to slip through the chords messily as closed relaxed eyes opened wide in shock "What the fu—" all the butterflies that were floating in his head were now flapping frantically all over the place blindly. 

" Can I come in? " Kise asked behind the closed door. 

"Ahh— uhh…" mouth opening and closing like a clueless goldfish. "Ye-yea?" Confused to his own voice and answer. What is wrong with you?  

Awkward laughing came behind the door. " Can you open for me? "

"Uh...right, right . Yea." His thoughts were slow to process, honestly wasn't even sure if he wanted to even open the door. With his mind still a little slow from the daze, he placed his guitar back on its stand and strode to the door. To his momentary surprise, it always struck him in the guts how Kise can always make him feel… things. 

"Hey" Kise grinned.

Now Kasamatsu was not sure what he was exactly surprised with, the fact that Kise came up alone to his dorm and it wasn't even midnight yet which the parties only get truly started at that time, or how Kise made his heart skipped a beat, or his heart actually skipped a beat because Kise was wearing a long blue gown, a little sparkly and a little odd due to his built body but fit his feminine features and slim waist. "Uhhh…" Kasamatsu trailed, staring at Kise up and down.

Waving vague to Kise "So… I'm guessing the cart turned back into a pumpkin. And you're looking for your missing shoe?" 

Kise laughed "No silly," he raised up a plastic pumpkin halloween basket filled with candies "Obviously it turned into a candy basket of goodies and I'm smart enough to wear shoes, see , with laces. That way it never comes off." 

"Ahh. Modern fashion and its perks." 

Kise gave a heartfelt gasp "So you do listen to my ramblings" Kasamatsu redden on his cheeks "I have ears, they're meant for hearing." He stepped aside to quickly change the subject at hand "So you want in or what?" Kise wasn't dumb, he knew Kasamatsu was embarrassed to admit it, but he'd let that slide and spare him the tease, but kept the teasing grin as he stepped in.

"Why're you here? I don't think the party's even over yet." Kasamatsu asked, sitting back on his chair, facing the bed where Kise had made himself comfortable.

Sunny eyes shifted bashfully "Oh, uh…" he was working up with a lie in his head until his eyes caught onto Kasamatsu's laptop screen, he recognised the audio workstation in progress "Sorry, I forgot you mentioned that you were working on that song you making, I—" 

"—it's fine." Kasamatsu said quickly, waving it away. Casually making sure he hasn't left his lyrics draft somewhere. That'd be embarrassing. Every single day I think of you… Kasmaatsu cleared his throat, a way to clear his mind off that song in his head that for some shits reason still continuing the melodies and lyrics "So, why are you here again? I mean not that it's anything wrong but…"

"I got bored." Kise mustered his best coolness. Kasamatsu stared at him. "You? Bored? With a party?" 

Kise rolled his eyes, seemed to be slightly taken aback "Yea. I can be bored of… you know… people."  

Kasamatsu gave a throaty chuckle " mmm , and coming up here alone with me would be less boring?" he was teasing and flirting which was occasional between the both of them despite their break up in high school, but both remained close friends and cared for each other deeply. 

Kise blushed visibly but kept his composure "Be honored. I'm doing you the favor this halloween, loner." 

"I'd smack you, but the privilege of being a lady for one night is what you're gonna get." Kasamatsu seethed. 

"Wow, double standards. But I accept." Kise grinned cheekily and unwrapped a candy which he had randomly picked from the pumpkin basket. Kasamatsu snatched the candy away, along with the basket and placed it atop the table. Kise whined for his loss. 

"I didn't say you can eat in my room, brat." Kasamatsu nagged.

"It's just candy!"

"Worst, there'll be ants and sugar." 

Kise whined and pouted. Kasamatsu gave him an unsympathetic glare. Typical and childlike. How was he even attracted to this numb skull brat? How am I still — fuck . He averted his eyes away to the opened window, curtain drew aside where he could see the dark blue night illuminated by the lamppost and city lights. "Keep that face on, you're gonna get wrinkles." 

Kise snorted "Like yours?" 

"Piece of shit." Kasamatsu gritted his teeth. Kise somehow always found amusement in this and how a clap back can easily tick his nerves. 

"OK. Fine." Kasamatsu faced the blond in drag. "You want some candy?" Kise chirped and nodded. "Then you gotta earn it" 

Kise frowned after. Kasamatsu smirked, "It'll be fun, you like games, don't you?" 

"Not when it involves you." 

"Hey, I can be fun. Do allow me to entertain you. You are my guest as afterall, although not invited." Kise watched as Kasamatsu got up from his seat. He was rummaging through his closet before he came back with a bandana, thin, long and dark in color. "Because I can't trust you with just your eyes closed" Kasamatsu said as he folded the thin cloth and reached to the blond and covered his sunshine eyes with it. Kise was surprisingly obedient, although mostly because he was shocked and confused, Kasamatsu made sure to knot the tie securely but not too tight. 

Kise could smell him, his natural scent and the softener on his shirt. He had always smelled good, not musky and well… men stench. His lips pursed as he felt those fingers brushing lightly past his blond locks. Hurt to admit that he missed those fingers combing through them. But that much contact was sufficient to feed his longing. He couldn't see anything, he could only feel and hear. 

Kise felt Kasamatsu backed away and heard the little squeak on the desk chair. Kasamatsu then spoke "So, here's how it is. I will take one, random ones and you can only have a lick. Taste them once and you can only have one guess of what it is." The loss of sight had somehow heightened his other senses because by the holy god, has Kasamatsu's voice always been this arousing? So breathy, husky and deep. 

Kise smirked, a little less confident than the usual boisterous. "And if—" 

"Five candies" Kasamatsu's voice was commanding, in a way Kise had no idea was possible, if he sounded like that back in high school when he was captain, Kise would have worshipped every floor Kasamatsu had ever stepped on. "Five tries. You'll see from there. Trick , or treat ." 

Kise swallowed. Damn .  

Kise stayed quiet. Kasamatsu liked this, submissive Kise, that's a rare sight to see. 

Kise heard the candies being ruffled through. Then crackling plastic of it being rolled opened. He heard the roll of wheels close towards him, Kasamatsu wasn't that close but somehow that proximity was still making him anxious. 

"Open your mouth, stick your tongue out and try this." 

Kise did as he was told. Kasamatsu stared wide eyed as he watched Kise's smooth pink lips part and his tongue darted out slightly. This might have been a mistake, because his manhood wasn't making itself comfortable in his pants. He would even pray to Satan that Kise was completely blinded because his face was mad ugly with embarrassment and red as though he had eaten a ghost pepper and Kise better not had seen how madly he was trying to restraint himself. 

With the candy between his fingers he pressed it very lightly against Kise's tongue who licked it upward. Shit . Kasamatsu drove his inappropriate thoughts way back. Through their months of dating back in the day, it had all been innocent. Well, innocent as Kasamatsu tried to keep it because they were underage and Kasamatsu was older and close to being an adult, which means… he wasn't to take advantage of the still teenager then. Kise on the other hand, had some serious issues to keeping it PG. 

"Not even a kiss? Come on, how bad could it be?" Kise whined while they were in some alley, shady alley at ten forty five, which was way past Kise's curfew. Kasamatsu groaned.

"We did kissed." Kasamatsu grumbled. Trying to keep their voice down because lingering in an alley at such an hour, would spike weird rumours about two male teenagers from Kaijou and oh yeah, a teenage model who's younger than him. 

"On the cheek!" Kise cried.

"Which is bad?" 

"Which is lame! Kurokochi had it even better than me, he gets a frenchie!"

Kasamatsu rolled his eyes "First of all, I don't need to know how Kuroko's love life like with Kagami, secondly…" Kasamatsu reached his hand up to caress Kise's soft face. "Are you saying my affection is lame?" 

"Wha — no, I…" Kise paused in his guilt "It wasn't what I meant. It's just… you're always avoiding. Like… you don't actually want to kiss me." 

Kasamatsu stared at him. "Wow. You're upset."

"Of course I'm upset! And you're not even telling me the truth why you don't want to kiss me!" 

Kasamatsu clicked his tongue. Kise frowned and looked on the ground. "I'm sorry… I don't mean to pressure you… it's just — "

"Just enjoy your time with me, OK?" Kasamatsu smiled and ruffled the blond hair. Kise giggled and nodded. It was always so easy to cheer the younger one up. "Yeah." 

Kasamatsu only needed to toe slightly to reach to the other's forehead and plant a soft kiss, enlightening a giggle from the other. "Candy?" Kise offered, sticking the white milky candy between his lips which Kasamatsu snorted and stuffed the candy right back into the other's mouth with his finger. "Don't be sneaky."

"Milk. That's the Hokkaido milk." Kise smirked triumphantly at his guess. 

Kasamatsu scoffed. "Yea."

"One point to me!" Kise grinned while Kasamatsu search for another random candy after he had placed the white candy on a piece of napkin on the table. "Don't get cocky now." 

"Right. You like making my life miserable. I forgot ." 

"Seriously?" Kasamatsu tore the candy wrapper "You were a handful." 

"You mean beautiful ?" 

"I'll shove this into your throat." Kasamatsu threatened. 

"Right, sorry." 

"Try this one." Kise opened his mouth and did the same. His brows furrowed after a taste. Kasamatsu smiled at the other's first struggle. 

"OK. I have definitely tasted that… chocolate—"

"—nope" Kasamatsu turned away for another candy. 

"Hey, I wasn't even—"

"One guess." 

"That wasn't even a gue—" 

"One. Guess." Kasamatsu chuckled. Kise pouted and crossed his arms. 

"Fine. Whatever. I still have three points to get my treat ." 

"Or a trick" Kasamatsu added and laughed when Kise snarled. Third candy and Kise made sure to not let his mouth run this time. Kasamatsu held in his laugh. 

"Strawberry—"

"—nope!" Kasamatsu laughed and looked for another, Kise whined "Oh com'on! Now you're just lying to me!" 

"It's cherry, pretty boy" 

" Ugh . Now that you mention it, does taste like shit. Blegh ." Kise shuddered. 

"Mm-hmm. You hate cherries." A few facts of Kise that only Kasamatsu learned about. It was odd that all his habits, his likes and dislikes, Kasamatsu knew so much that he always laughed whenever he read magazines and fan sites made a biography list of Kise Ryouta facts. How far off they were. 

"Still do." 

Kasamatsu smiled. "Good thing I do. Or all those banana splits and ice cream jumbos would have gone to a waste." 

Kise sighed adoringly "You were my trash hero. Eating all my leftovers." 

"Have this." Kasamatsu said and Kise readied himself, mouth open and tongue out. The moment Kise's tongue touched the candy, he shrieked and backed away, cringing as he did so. Kasamatsu let out a guffaw. Clenching his stomach. 

"The fuck was that? That is disgusting! Ugh!" Kise shuddered and whined in disgust. 

"Licorice and ginger" 

Kise squealed "Who the fuck makes that? Ugh— get the taste off— help me— uuggghhhhh " 

Kasamatsu continued laughing while the other was squirming from disgust, whining and cursing the existence of the candy. "Calm down, I'll get you something" he said while laughing and searching the candies. 

"Hurry— It's getting at my soul !" 

"Quit being so dramatic, will you? This oughta' take the taste away" he ripped the black candy wrapper. While holding the hard black candy between his fingers he stared at Kise, in his blue dress— Seriously ridiculous, squirming like a little girl who was fed bitter gourd. And yet, he was looking at a man he had once cherished. He still did. He dearly do. And within his chest, his heart pounds, from the realisation and from knowing it for so long that his feelings had never gone away. 

Kise was a squirming mess, desperate to resolve the shitty taste from the tip of his tongue. Opposite him, Kasamatsu popped the black candy into his mouth. Black mint, minty and mildly sweet. He sat off his chair and wrapped a hand behind Kise's neck and pulled towards him until their opened mouth touched, until Kasamatsu's tongue slipped inside Kise's mouth, slick and gently, he passed the black mint to the other. Just like that, Kasamatsu shut him up. 

Oh, it didn't stop there. Kasamatsu kissed him. His lips moved and so was Kise's, responsive despite his surprise. 

There was a few things Kasamatsu had never told anyone, even to Kise while they were dating: Kasamatsu had always imagined how it'd be like to kiss him, how their first would be like. Imperfect and perfect in many fantasising scenes, and perfect in all its taste and feelings. What he did not imagine, was feeding the other ginger fucking licorice candy and then plunging his tongue in with another candy, and the taste was both horrible and incredible and neither could separate from it. 

They both relaxed. Strong and gentle hand moved from Kise's neck to his reddened cheeks. Kise well, he has gone completely slack as he let Kasamatsu take over his whole body because now, Kasamatsu was laying atop of him. Softly kissing his bottom lip. 

At which time— felt like a really long time, did they pull apart. Both breathless and in daze. Kasamatsu had no idea how the candy got back into his mouth. And… oh boy...uh-oh.

Both stared at each other. Affectionately. Then both eyes, sunshine and steel blue stared wide eyed, matching red cheeks burning all the way to their necks. They realized. 

"So-sorry— I… oh shit . I'm… sorry" Kasamatsu stumbled in his words, swallowing and gapping speechlessly. Both of their eyes averting away, Kise smiled at the tingles that left his lips, left by Kasamatsu himself. 

"I… I don't know if you… I mean  I know I may not be the brightest," Kise chuckled "Brainwise, I'm shiny as hell. But… I think...you still…" 

Kasamatsu swallowed and dared to look down at Kise. Staring straight into his eyes, so bright, so gentle, and vulnerable. Something both of them had in common, no one had ever seen them vulnerable before. "Do you?" Kise asked softly. If Kasamatsu had heard him correctly, there was pain and a small hope in that voice. 

Kasamatsu didn't respond right away  but inaudibly he said "Yea." 

Sunshine eyes glistened. Kasamatsu gently caressed the side of his head. "I never actually stopped… I've always…" 

"Then why did you?" Kise sobbed. 

"I'm sorry...Ryouta." 

Kise stare at him, eyes gathering more tears than it could hold, and he cried ugly. "You asshole." He sobbed "You tricked and treated me." Kasamatsu laughed and shook his head. 

"You are the worst!" Kise smiled widely and then smacked him lightly "And to think our first kiss would be so magical " he sobbed "You just stole my first kiss when I wasn't even ready" 

Kasamatsu laughed and stopped abruptly upon realising "Wait— your what?" His mind was boggled "Your first kiss? Wait, you've never… kissed?" 

Kise nodded and sobbed. Then he glared up at Kasamatsu. "Wait a minute… you thought I've had my first kiss before?" 

"Well… uh… yeah?" Kasamatsu answered as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

"So you thought I was a whore?" 

"— What no— That's not what I…" Kasamatsu sighed "I just thought you know, you'd be experienced since you know when—" 

"Let me stop you right there. Is this about that girl back in Teiko? The cornrows copy trash said about stealing from me?" 

"Yea?" 

Kise snorted "And you said I was the dumb one." 

"Hey!" 

"I was never with anyone…" Kise said softly. He held the side of Kasamatsu's face, smiling so radiantly and lovingly. "Well, you of course— Why are you looking at me like that?" 

"So you've never kissed and dated anyone before?" 

Kise nodded "mm-hmm"

"Besides me?" 

"Hmm-mm, and the first kiss, seriously, this dress wasn't what I had in mind. I was supposed to be stylishly kissing you for our first time— I saved my good jeans for the occasion I'd kiss you." 

"So I was blowing my mind, to give you the perfect kiss so it'd be better than any of your kisses, which I now know is nonexistent and just to find out, that now you've never actually had a first kiss before. Then I was scared that you might think I wasn't good enough for you so I broke up with you, just to find out that you've never actually even dated anyone ."

"Mm-hmm…"

"Wow…" Kasamatsu blinked in realisation. "I'm mad dumb." 

"Yes, yes you are." Kise laughed. "I didn't know you were that insecure—" 

"— Well, you didn't fucking tell me any of that"

"Because you never asked." Kise shot back. "That's your problem, you never talked to me. You just left me in the dark… and you never asked ." 

That was true. Kasamatsu wouldn't dare to even deny it. And he felt terrible, terrible with how he had actually treated him. Kise had many times urged him to talk, to tell him things, even assured him that Kise would listen, that he'd care, that he will always be there for him and yet, Kasamatsu responded by shutting him out and eventually calling them quits. He still remembered how Kise rected, how he cried and how vulnerable he had been. At that time, he kept begging  Kasamatsu to tell him what was going on in his head. No answer was given. 

Kasamatsu remained quiet. Not that he wanted to, and Kise held his face firmly. His sunshine eyes were steady as he looked at Kasamatsu's. "You want to ask me something?" He asked softly. 

"Do you… want to be with me? Again?" 

Kise smiled. So did Kasamatsu.

Just then, Kise started crying again. "I don't care that our first kiss tasted like shit ginger licorice and mint. If it means being with you forever."