Chapter Text
Bam wouldn’t have ever chosen to go on a cruise of his own volition, not in a million years. He was far too busy - he had clients to help, workshops to run, volunteering to do. He liked to consider himself a pretty good therapist, and he loved helping people. Unfortunately, not everyone considered his drive and work ethic a good thing.
“Go on vacation,” Endorsi, his ex girlfriend said. Of course, Bam refused. He had work to do, and when he loved it so much, why would he need a vacation? He was fine, as he always was (maybe always was a stretch… but he didn’t mind.)
“Go on vacation,” his boss, the head of the practice commanded, likely put to work by the evil schemes of Endorsi. Really, why did no one but Thorn listen to him? His friends even went to his active listening workshops sometimes - and yet, they never practiced it.
At least Thorn didn’t tell him to go on vacation. Thorn would never take him in the middle of the day, tie him up, and forcibly drag him to a boat of all places. Thorn was his favorite person, really. Even if he was a cat, he could pull off his sweater vest better than most people, he was an excellent listener, and kind enough not to kidnap him according to his whims. Thorn basically was a person, and the best person at that.
The only positive side to being forced on a ship was that Endorsi had the decency to bring Thorn too.
“Endorsi, get me out of this,” sighed Bam, unfortunately quite used to her antics at this point. Things like this didn’t really surprise him anymore. He was still in a body bag... he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know how a popular idol got her hands on that. Bam was sure those connections were also how she got a body bag unseen on the boat. Just imagine the headlines about that , they were wild enough when the two were dating (truth be told, dating was a strong word for that, anyways.) Thankfully, the body bag was removed.
Her uppity laugh ringed his suspicions true, and her familiar warm hands untied him. Somehow, this wasn’t the first time she was untying him for her ridiculous ideas, either.
Rather than waste his energy being upset, he just stared at her for a long time. “Really, Endorsi?” was all the meanness Bam could muster. He would be behind on paperwork when he returned, and he needed to reschedule his clients…
“I worked it out with your boss. You should be thanking me for my kindness, but I know you’re an unappreciative bastard,” she huffed, her words holding no bite, “I even got you on the ultrapopular Cruise of Romance, no less.” She sat in her fashionable mini dress, her hair not a bit out of place. Bam could see that they were in a posh, if not gaudy room. A large bed, with roses everywhere, low lighting, and a large window where he could still see the port. It was a bit obnoxious for his tastes, but it was a nice place, to be sure.
Bam rubbed feeling back into his wrists from the cuffs, and was pleasantly greeted by Thorn curling up in his lap. What a cutie. Thank goodness Endorsi had brought him. Maybe , Bam thought to himself, if there’s wifi… I can still do online sessions, and some paperwork…
Sensing this, the pop star glared at him. “Hey Bam, do you know anything about the Cruise of Romance?” Her crossed arms and furrowed brow told him that she was probably already wise of his plans.
Bam had to resist the urge to smile cluelessly as he tended to do with her - he could already feel the incoming punch. “No… did you do some work here, or something?”
She shook her head, as if expecting him to suddenly develop an interest in vacation destinations. “Obviously not, you dimwit. I’d never do something so cheesy.”
And you think I want to ? Bam thought to himself, wisely keeping quiet. “Okay, then why am I here?”
She sighed, as if talking to a troublesome child. “It’s a cruise that makes no stops, and has no internet communication, by the way, because I know you’re still planning to work, and a helpful set up to make successful, happy couples. They have a 95 percent success rate, you know.”
“And…?” Bam asked, expectantly. Did Endorsi want Bam as her wingman?
“Well, obviously, since you can’t be bothered to date the most wonderful option whose ever gonna come into your life,” Endorsi boasted, referencing herself, “then I might as well set you up in the best conditions to get hitched.”
He stared at her, doubtful. “...Hitched,” he repeated, unmoved.
She groaned, seeing Bam still uncaring and unmotivated to do anything other than pet his cat. This was a typical scene between them. “Fine. The nice motivations aren’t enticing enough for you, I guess. Well, if you escape this boat and go back to work, Ha Jinsung said you’re fired. So, sit your ass on this boat and enjoy these next two weeks, you asshole.” Endorsi, like the tempest she was, stormed out of the room. Expectantly, Bam waited.
Quickly, she peeked her head back in. “Love you, loser. Have fun.”
Bam smiled. “Thank you, Endorsi.”
He wasn’t very good at saying ‘i love you’ to anyone anymore, but she knew that, thankfully, and seemed satisfied. As if mirroring Bam, Thorn gave a final meow as she left once more.
Bam laid on the bed for a while, considering his options. If he managed to get off the boat, he could get work done, but he also didn’t doubt that Endorsi would’ve gotten his boss in on it. He was very kind man, but Bam knew that Jinsung was worried about him. He… had never not been worried about Bam, really. Bam wasn’t quite good enough at lying to hide things from Jinsung. Would he be fired? Unlikely.
However, did he want to make Ha Jinsung make that unhappy face again? … No. He didn’t, and he promised himself that he wouldn’t.
The dinner was glamorous, fabulous, and blinding. Bam wasn’t quite certain what was chandelier and what was the champagne flute tower, what was sparkly shiny jewelry and what was just sparkly shiny decor. If Thorn hadn’t decided to ride on his shoulder, he would’ve probably run away to fight another day.
Bam had gone through the stages of grief for his work for a while and came to an understanding. If he couldn’t do work, he could at least enjoy himself and keep murder off Endorsi’s record (he was certain she’d get him if he didn’t enjoy the fruits of her labor. She really did hate it when things didn’t go how she wanted them.) That and even if he didn’t want any part of romance, maybe he could at least have some quality time with Thorn. Thorn was a hard worker, and deserved a break too.
Eventually, Bam managed to get used to the interior of the dining room and grab some food and a table. Truth be told, he wasn’t exactly a fancy eater. (As his acquaintance Candy said, he had the ‘pallet and taste of a 4 year old.’) By the time he shuffled through the line, vaguely aware of what was happening around him, he wasn’t half sure what was on his plate, aside for the fish he got for Thorn. A chef had recommended a whole alphabet of things, and in unfortunate Bam fashion, he found himself saying yes on autopilot.
H e contended with the food for a while, to the tune of a stand up bass and jazz singer who performed on the stage of the dining room. Hopes of Emily’ing it were long gone as wifi connection had been lost, and he was getting more and more horrified by the delicate little bird on his plate. It was so small… was it even something you ate? … how?
“That’s the specialty dish for the night,” an unfamiliar voice offered, breaking his mental suffering. The voice was smooth and self assured. “Ortolans are a rare song bird and technically endangered, and you cook it in a french brandy and eaten all at uh… I apologize, it’s a rather morbid affair.” Bam turned around to see a well dressed stranger, with a light blue bob pulled back into a ponytail. The man carried two plates and an easy smile.
Bam looked at the little bird in horror. He felt guilty enough for eating chicken nuggets on occasion, he couldn’t imagine what he’d feel had he eaten something endangered and so little . “Thank you for warning me.” As if to make emphasis, he pushed the plate away from from himself, much to Thorn’s chargin. “Thorn, I’ll ah, get you something else later.”
The blue haired man chuckled. “I suspect they substituted with other items, but I figured I should say something. Although, with the boat’s connections, I wouldn’t be so surprised if it were real.”
The boat’s connections? Bam wondered, suddenly becoming more alarmed about what Endorsi might have gotten him into. “Well, I deeply appreciate it. Again, thank you.”
The man offered Bam a much more harmless looking plate with crackers and cheese. “Would you like this instead? I ate before getting on the ship, so…” The brunet took the plate gratefully. “It’s just brie with a fig chutney and water crackers.”
He may not have known what a chutney was, but he knew what figs are, and it was much less intimidating. At least none of it was a rare, delicate creature. “Ah, um, would you like a seat?”
“Thank you, I’ll take it.” The blue haired man said, sitting across from Bam.
The stranger was quite beautiful, with a pretty cloth braided into his hair. He seemed to put a lot of work into his appearance, from the quality, jewelry, and attention to detail his outfit had. His eyes were the most catching thing about him though, both striking and curious. He held himself with a lot of confidence, and Bam thought his smile was quite nice, although not very genuine. The stranger was probably a business man of some sort, from the looks of it, but he could’ve easily been a model.
As the two exchanged pleasantries, Bam couldn’t help but belatedly wonder if the man was hitting on him. But - no, surely not with intent, if anything. Not with an opening line about endangered birds. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mister Kuhn.”
“The pleasure is all mine… Mister Bam, was it?” Mister Kuhn repeated. Bam was quite used to the initial confusion - it wasn’t something in naming books, to be sure. He preferred it to his legal name, though.
The therapist merely smiled and nodded.
Mister Kuhn smiled back. “I take a moment to memorize names, so thank you for bearing with me… Although, I’m sure I won’t be forgetting yours anytime soon.”
Maybe… the man really was flirting with him? Endorsi had once put him through ‘flirt training’ since apparently, Bam was ungodly terrible at reading romantic intent and supposedly, ‘his smile gave people hope’ which he still didn’t quite understand what she meant by that. He decided to discard the practice, since he wasn’t very good at it, anyway.
“What do you mean by that, Mister Kuhn?” he asked, a bit baffled by such a statement. Bam knew he was a pretty plain person, and mild on top of that. Not exactly an exciting or memorable sort of person.
His conversation partner raised his eyebrows, as if surprised by Bam’s statement. His easy smile was more of a smirk now, and the unwilling boat rider wondered just how true his countenance was.
Kuhn didn’t go on that boat for romance, or whatever rubbish it was being called. He wasn’t one to go on vacations on his own, either - he was more of a staycation guy. No, this was an operation to uncover whatever the hell was behind the boat. No internet connections or stops was a bit suspicious, but the FUG connections were pretty damning. Something was up, Kuhn just didn’t know what yet.
Kuhn wasn’t entirely sure what came over him to help a stranger, though. Granted, a very pretty and intriguing stranger, but a stranger nonetheless. The brunet man had managed to convince a chef to serve a hidden delicacy of the ship, and didn’t even seem to understand what it was.
Also, the guy had a cat. Just. On his shoulder. In a sweater vest, no less.
So, rather than suffering his curiosity, he approached the stranger with a peace offering in hand.
Bam was an unusual name, to be certain. Bam was an usual person so far, to boot. He wasn’t even aware that he stood out on the boat. Kuhn had to even hold back a laugh, which was unusual of himself. “You walk around with a cat on your shoulder, for one thing.”
Bam’s expression of ‘ah, that’s right,’ really broke Kuhn’s expectations of the conversation so far. Kuhn didn’t mean to laugh (he was quite attached to his cool and mysterious persona) but god, was the man that unaware of himself?
“So, Mister Bam, what do you do?” he asked, wondering if the cat came with him to work. Was it like an emotional support animal, or something? Maybe a type of service animal?
The cat, Thorn, was it? seemed grow tired of their conversation and fashioned itself around Bam’s neck like scarf, almost. What a strange little creature, Kuhn thought, unable to help a small chuckle that escaped him.
Bam had paused for a moment so long, while Kuhn was distracted by the cat, that his gentle voice almost surprised him. “So that’s what your smile looks like…” As if finally aware that these were not the words of a normal person, the brunet blinked and jumped a little. “Ah, I’m so sorry… I’m a therapist that specializes in young adults. What do you do, Mister Kuhn?”
Ooph. The ever skeptical man felt his heart skip a beat, despite himself. Bam certainly seemed unaware of himself, but was that just an act? People don’t just say that with such a sweet, innocent look! Kuhn had to yell at himself, careful not to get swept up by the comment. The whiplash of Bam’s occupation also helped him out of reverie. “I just own a small financial fraud investigation company. Nothing so interesting.” Just a small financial fraud investigation company was putting it mildly, but that was nothing Bam needed to know, of course.
The two tuned into the music, and Kuhn found himself enjoying Yura Ha’s performance. “Do you like Yura Ha, Mister Bam?”
Bam blinked, seemingly confused. “Yura Ha? Is she the singer?” He was a clueless sort about popular culture, hm? His clothes were currently a popular brand though.
“She’s one of the most popular singers right now, it’s incredible she’s even on this ship, to be honest.” Kuhn informed him, trying to understand how someone could just… not know her. Advertisements, billboards, endorsements, television show appearances - she was the hottest star right now.
Bam brightened for a moment, something more luminescent than what seemed to be his normal smile. “Is um, Endorsi really popular?”
“Endorsi?” Endorsi seemed like an unlikely genre for Bam to be into, but what did he know? They just met. “Endorsi is part of the Jahad Princesses, she’s probably just a touch less popular since she’s newer. Why? Do you like her stuff?”
His brow furrowed a bit. “Sort of? She’s a friend of mine. She’s the reason I’m here, I guess.”
It made sense that a seemingly normal person like Bam was there because of a friend, but… Friends with Endorsi? The hot and fiery idol, known for being impossible to work with, for her impulsive tendencies? He couldn’t fathom how the two would ever interact - one so incredibly much, so awful from what he’s heard… and such a mild man like Bam? He wanted to press, but the two were just acquaintances.
“Are you… here for investigation, then, Mister Kuhn?” Bam said hesitantly, petting his cat-scarf absentmindedly.
The business man paused. Bam didn’t seem like a threat, or dangerous. The words made Kuhn want to be cautious, but he didn’t think it was anything Bam could use against him. “Something like that, maybe. Did you ask your friend to get you on here for the whole ‘95 percent effective romance’ thing they sell as the tagline?”
Bam actually laughed at this a bit… it was nice. It was cute, and held a musical quality. Kuhn certainly didn’t care though. Why would he care about a stranger’s laugh? He definitely did not. “No, not quite. I ah, am often told I’m a workaholic. I think Endorsi did this so I couldn’t leave or work online, so I’d be actually on vacation. And probably some part of her experiment.”
Endorsi did this…? Kuhn didn’t know what that meant really, but it didn’t sound good. That or how resigned the ‘experiment’ bit sounded. To put up with that reported force of nature… either Bam was stronger than Kuhn was giving him credit for, or Bam had an extreme tolerance for bullshit.
Kuhn hadn’t realized so much time had passed when he checked his watch. He had an informat to go meet and a job to do. It wasn’t like him to lose track of time. “I have to go, Mister Bam, but… would you like to grab lunch tomorrow?”
This was for work purposes only, of course. He couldn’t help but wonder if Endorsi potentially had ties to FUG if she was able to get someone like Bam on board. That, and Bam was… pleasant to be around. Kuhn didn’t find a lot of people pleasant.
Bam seemed a little perplexed by the offer. “Oh, that… that sounds nice, Mister Kuhn. I’d love to.”
“Just Kuhn is fine.” The vaguely more aggressive move sent a small blush and surprised expression to Bam’s face, which was nice.
Bam’s face lit up a little bit, like when he brought up Endorsi. “Okay, Mist… okay, Kuhn.” He said quietly and small.
Bam was nice to be around and pretty to look at… that was all. Kuhn was just having a bit of fun for himself. He wasn’t one to believe in romance, or any of that crap, after all. Just harmless fun.