Archive of Our Own ^beta

Episode: Making Eugene • Making A Viral BuzzFeed Video

Zach did not know anything about Ankylosing Spondylitis, or simply AS. He did not know about AS being a chronic condition that affected the bones of his spine by causing inflammation to his vertebrae. He did not know that AS was a form of advanced spinal arthritis and, generally, was a hereditary disease. AS affected males more than it did women therefore the chances of him getting the disease were higher than for his sister and was, therefore, only a matter of time.

This was the story of one Zachary Andrew Kornfeld discovering he was living with AS.

Zach was due in for a morning meeting where he was to brainstorm ideas with the staff where their Creative Director was to chair the meeting. Secondly, he was to have a logistical discussion with Kelsey Impicciche where she wanted him to star in one of her Buzzfeed videos. Next, he was meeting with Ashly Perez and the Senior Editor to approve the final cut of their recent video. All this was before lunchtime. Thankfully for him, after lunch was going to be spent editing a Try Guys video they had filmed the week before and it needed to be evaluated as of yesterday.

Yes, Zach was running behind schedule and he was already drowning.

For a couple of months now the pain began – it always began – from below his neck, starting with a tingling sensation, at times alternating with a pains and needles sensation that was severe at times that he often had to lean against a wall, fridge or even lamp post until the feeling eventually faded. So as Ryan Bergara was sharing his ideas on a new project he wanted to launch, Zach began rotating his neck in a futile attempt at easing the gradual pain. How he was designated as the Representative of the Try Guys he does not know as he was rarely articulate and was often a mumbling mess (Jack, the Head Video Producer, was often scarier in person) but here he was, having to throw ideas at Jack who had to either approve or disapprove them, then come up with more ideas on the spot.

The meeting went over the time limit and he had barely two minutes to run across the other side of the office for his discussion with Kelsey who was a stickler for time management.

"You're late again, Kornfeld."

"At least I'm here."

"We're all here," Andrew spoke up. "We're always here earlier than you." He turned to Kelsey. "Why didn't you invite Keith for this? He'd be better suited."

"Hey," Zach cried, settling in on the circular table, "I'm perfect for this. I've always wanted to get drunk on champagne and if I get to do that on the company's tab all weekend long I'm not about to give that up."

"And you have a low alcohol tolerance," Kelsey added. "That's why you're all here."

As Andrew was advising Kelsey on the best time to film their video, a sharp pain shot down his spine and he sat upright on his seat, groaning at the sudden pain.

"You good, bro?"

Zach nodded, eyes tight shut. "I'm good. I'm great."

"You don't sound great," Jazz said, worried.

Zach inhaled through his mouth, then slowly out, a strategy that usually worked for him before. Not this time. He breathed in huge gulps of air, hoping it would slow down the pain, hoping and praying that the shooting pain along his spine would subside. Please. He groaned loudly, sliding down his chair as the pain was unbearable.

He could hear his co-workers talking above him, probably asking if he was alright, but all that he could feel was as if a thousand nails were being jammed into his spine, all at once, over and over again. He breathed in deeply, held it for five seconds, then exhaled for three seconds, forcing his mind to focus on his breathing rather than the pain.

Just as sudden as the pain came, it left.

Zach opened his eyes to pairs of eyes staring at him with varying levels of worry in them. "I'm fine," he said, breathless. "I promise."

"You scared me half to death," Kelsey gushed, her hand on his shoulder. "You were bent over backward. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good. No need to worry about me," he dismissed her worry and waved them off. "We have a champagne video to plan guys."

By the time the afternoon rolled in, he was eternally grateful to just sit at his chair with an afternoon filled with cups and cups and more cups of tea. He had had only one other pain attack, this time on his lower back but thankfully it was when everyone had left the conference room. As he was about to take a sip of his tea, he received an email with an exclamation mark from Ben, their Editor-in-Chief.

Zach cursed loudly.

"Did you get the email from Drew?" Keith asked.

"No, from Ben. What does Drew want?"

"Our final cut of the fried chicken which I thought I had today to finish but he wants it before the end of the day," Keith groaned. "What's your email about?"

"Ben wants an emergency meeting and knowing Ben, it's going to last all afternoon." Zach leaned back against his seat and sighed tiredly.

Keith nodded ending their brief conversation. He returned to Ben's email, he noted when the meeting was to be (very soon) and where (a conference room on the third floor) when a Texas accent voice asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"Is your back acting up again?"

"I had two attacks today and a small one in the bathroom."

Zach allowed himself to be spun by his best friend and co-worker who sat behind him and came face-to-face with Eugene. This was the first time he was seeing Eugene today as in the morning he had come late and was not at his desk but rather running for his morning meeting. Instead of his usual high quiff, Eugene's hair fell over his forehead and it made the sharp features of his face softer. Zach secretly loved this look on Eugene more, but that was something he would never tell him.

"You still haven't gone to the doctor, have you?"

Zach shook his head. "It's nothing serious, I promise you. It's just pain that lasts for about a minute—"

"—Six minutes last time when I was with you," Eugene reminded him gently.

"—And it's over before you know it. I don't need it and I got ibuprofen anyway," he added. "So I'm all good. No need to worry, Gene."

"I do worry," said Eugene looking past Zach to his desk where he had his three cups of tea. "Pain is not something you should get used to. You shouldn't have to live with it."

"It hasn't killed me yet, has it?" he asked and as soon as he said it he regretted the words because Eugene sharply looked at him, a deep frown between his brows and mouth hanging open.

"You're insane, Zach! Are you seriously waiting for this pain to kill you? And then what?" he hissed loudly, causing Ned to look away from his computer towards them.

Zach bent his head forward and lowered his voice. "I am taking it seriously and I'm not going to lie but today's has been quite painful but—" He stopped himself and bit down on his bottom lip. He wiped down on his jeans the excess sweat off his palms, once, twice, until he was rubbing his palms up and down his grey jeans. Eugene took both of his hands in his and held them in place, the feel of another man's hands a grounding motion for Zach's anxious brain.

"I'm right here," Eugene said, with a gentleness Zach had never heard before. He gazed into Eugene's eyes and inhaled deeply through his mouth.

"What if they find something? The doctors?" Zach rambled, terrified. "What if I go to the hospital and they say I have something in me I never knew I had? Like maybe my genes hold some dark mass that's been inside of me and I've been, I don't know, ignoring it? Or worse, I'll be told I have a couple of years—no, two years to live and then what? I'll spend the rest of my life working at Buzzfeed?" Zach gagged. "And for what? With everything I have, I don't want another thing to worry about…"

Zach's sentence petered out as Eugene placed both his palms on either side of his face.

"You have nothing to worry about," he told him.

"You don't know that."

"That's true," he said, his fingers lightly scratching the back of Zach's neck. "What I do know is that this pain isn't something you can ignore because it's getting worse. I don't think back massages, painkillers nor hot showers are cutting it anymore. You need to visit your doctor." Zach bit down on his teeth but his eyes trained with the Korean man. "For now, you're going for your meeting with Ben, then edit the last Try Guy video. After I'll draw you the lavender-scented bath you love, we'll have a Captain America marathon and tomorrow, we go to the doctor." Eugene looked on, pleadingly if Zach could correctly decipher the look Eugene was giving off.

Zach did love them lavender baths that Eugene often drew for him. It had started randomly, as Zach recalled, with him often shifting uncomfortably in his seat, absentmindedly rubbing his neck, his lower back, hips, arching his back off the chair that Eugene had caught early on. The next day Eugene had sent him a link of a website that specialized in back pains and a whole list of recommendations of how to improve the pain. It had been a trial and error, Eugene suggesting one remedy with Zach trying it, failing miserably and onto the next one. Finally, finally, after a nice meal of Japchae, Eugene drew a bath of lavender-scented oil, rose petals, and burning essence that worked wonders for him. He was in the bath for only 10 minutes and his entire back felt like he was floating on purple cotton candy – there was no more pain!

As Fate would have it, he would spend longer in the bath and would draw more baths than before that ultimately, he was having a lavender bath every other day for half an hour just to feel some sort of release. However, it was not working as good as it used to and his pain was flaring up way more quickly than it did before and he could not afford to sit in baths for an entire day just to feel a release.

"On one condition," said Zach.

"What is it?"

"Will you come with me?"

"Of course," said Eugene, his tone suggesting that he would not have it any other way. "You're not doing this alone."

Zach smiled. "Thank you, Gene." He inched forward, and with one last twinkle in his eye, kissed Eugene's nose.

"That was not an invitation, Zachary!" Eugene groaned not unkindly. Zach simply laughed in his face, Eugene rubbing his cheekbones before letting go of his face. Secretly Keith and Ned had been watching but chose to remain quiet, as they always did.

∷ ꬸ ∷

"Have you guys seen Zach?" Keith asked.

Eugene looked up from his laptop as Ned shook his head. "He said he had a last-minute meeting with Kelsey over her champagne video."

"That was in the morning," Eugene clarified.

"He didn't have another one?"

Eugene shook his head. "The only meeting he had in the afternoon was with Ben that should've ended at three." He briefly looked at his watch. "It's four-thirty."

"Do you think he was having a meeting with somebody?"

"I don't think so since he said he was going to help me add some final touches to my video before I sent it to the Editor," answered Keith.

Eugene unlocked his phone and sent a text message to Zach:

Eugene Lee Yang: Are you still in the meeting with Ben?

He locked his phone and looked at the clock above Keith's head. It was about an hour and a half later and Zach was still not at his desk. While this was not unusual, he would normally inform them on their group chat of his whereabouts especially if he were to meet with Keith later on.

He unlocked his phone and sent him another text message.

Eugene Lee Yang: I was thinking of making fried noodles today. Chicken or vegetables? I promise not to complain about the veggie noodles if you pick it

He locked his phone as soon as he sent the message. The seconds passed and soon the minutes were passing by. Food questions were always an easy target for Zach and he responded almost immediately to them but none was forthcoming.

"Something's not right," he thought out loud. Keith and Ned looked over at him. "He's been gone for nearly two hours and no one knows where he is."

"He was stuck in so many meetings today I wouldn't be surprised."

"He would be flooding our group chat with how boring the meeting was but he didn't do that today—Hey Adam!" Eugene called out just as Adam, from Worth It, walked by their desk area. "Have you seen Zach?"

"Not since the meeting," Adam responded. "He left the meeting early. Said he had a family emergency and left."

The Try Guys frowned.

"What do you mean a family emergency?" Ned asked.

Adam shrugged. "It's what he said. Then he ran out quite quickly. I assumed he went home."

Eugene frowned. Zach's car was in the garage and he had an odd phobia of taxis hence the low possibility of Zach heading home. Very, very low.

"Thanks, Adam!" Ned thanked him and the man left. He spun around in his chair. "Didn't Zach's car get towed two days ago?"

Eugene unlocked his phone. He tried to remain calm even as his fingers flew on his keypad.

Eugene Lee Yang: Please call me.

Eugene Lee Yang: We're worried.

He waited four seconds before sending another text.

Eugene Lee Yang: I'm worried about you.

His eyes looked at the clock, ignoring the sounds of Ned and Keith working out if Zach overcame his phobia of taxis and took one home, and followed the second-hand tick-tock from the fifth second to the tenth second, 20th second… 32nd second… 37th second… when he suddenly stood up from his chair announcing he was going to look for Zach.

"We're coming too!" Keith said, not wanting to be left behind and a suspicion that something might have happened to his Kornbaby.

"Let's go!" Ned announced after Keith had stopped them for a second or two to save his work ("I've spent a week editing I don't want to start over!").

They began their search with Ben's office which was on the other side of Buzzfeed offices where they were informed by his PA that Ben had left the premises at three-thirty. He informed them that indeed Zach had left early and had sprinted out of the office, only to collapse on the couch in the reception where he lay on his back for about 20 minutes.

"He looked like he was in a lot of pain," the PA noted.

"Was he holding onto his back?" asked Eugene.

"Yeah, like how old people hold their back!"

"Like back pains?" asked Ned.

"Exactly a back pain," said Eugene and he sighed. This was not good. What if Zach had gotten another pain attack? Is that why he had left the meeting in a hurry? It would not explain the family emergency comment.

"How do you know it was back pain?" inquired Keith as they made their way towards their office building.

"He's been having a few back pains," shared Eugene feeling it was not too much of a secret to share with his best friends, but also not wanting to share too much as Zach desperately wanted to keep it a secret.

"Enough to walk out of a meeting with Ben?"

"Sometimes it gets really bad and I don't know how bad it was this time as he isn't answering his phone."

Eugene grumbled as he locked his phone, then unlocked it to call Zach. The phone was going through but there was no answer. Ned suggested that they separate to cover more ground which they agreed was a better idea. They would each search several areas of Buzzfeed offices and meet back at their main building within the hour. Eugene headed off, dialing Zach's number as he made his way to Building C. He checked the prop closet, the balconies, bathrooms, offices, asked around if they had seen Zach – not in an alarming way, obviously, but casually – to which the staff declined. As he was about to leave, one of his colleagues handed him a cream that Zach had requested her to bring from Malaysia.

Eugene read the product and it was a numbing cream, in essence. He frowned. Why would Zach need numbing cream? The lavender baths, hot showers, and teas were soothing enough for his pain… or was Zach underselling how much pain he was in? Eugene's heart dropped. Was Zach's pain worse than he initially said? Was his pain, over the last couple of days, or even weeks, very unbearable but failed to mention it to him? It would explain the numbing cream…

Eugene Lee Yang: Please, please tell me you're okay

Eugene Lee Yang: Please! You don't have to type anything you can send emojis too.

Eugene Lee Yang : Please Zach

Eugene found Ned near the bathrooms of the main building without Zach in tow.

"Where's Keith?"

"He's in the bathroom," he said, pointing behind him.

They made their way inside just as Keith was exiting from the bathroom stall.

"I'm really worried guys," he admitted to his two best friends. "It's not like him to go quiet for this long. Even if he was super busy, he wouldn't just—not talk."

"We haven't stopped looking but I think we're going to have to ask people at the office about Zach's whereabouts."

"A bit like detectives!" Ned exclaimed to which Eugene shot him an evil glare. Ned held his hands up. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

Eugene rolled his eyes as he tapped Zach's number and called it yet again. Three heads whipped their heads so fast when they heard the familiar sounds of Vampire Weekend playing in the bathroom. Zach's ringtone. Eugene's heart danced because finally, they found Zach but also sank because this was the last place he wanted to find Zach. His eyes frantically followed the sound of the ringtone. It was coming from the last stall in the bathroom and the music grew louder as the three guys stopped before the door.

"Zach!" Keith called out, knocking on the door. "You in there?"

The phone stopped ringing. Eugene redialed Zach's phone and the sounds of Vampire Weekend filled the bathroom walls.

"Zach?" Ned called out.

Eugene got down on the floor and peeped beneath the cubicle. He could spot Zach sat on the floor, parallel to the toilet bowl sitting on the back of his legs. Keith was way ahead of him as he entered the next stall and stood on his tippy toes on the toilet seat and leaned over.

"Fuuuuuuuck!" he cursed and proceeded to curse multiple times.

"What's wrong? What's going on?" The two men frantically asked Keith.

"He's unconscious! He isn't moving!" Keith exclaimed. He jumped up, lifting his entire body over the cubicle wall and carefully climbing down onto the stall with Zach in it.

"What's happening?" asked Eugene after Keith was deathly silent for a moment or two.

"I'm checking his pulse," mumbled Keith, or it felt like a mumble. Eugene's senses were heightened and he wanted nothing more than to hear Zach's voice and everything would be alright. Everything would be normal.

"Open the door, Keith!" he commanded.

There was another curse heard over the stall, then the unlocking of the bathroom door. "Ned, I need you to call the ambulance." He said as calmly as he could master then turned to Eugene. "You and I are going to carry him out of the stall and lay him on the ground."

Eugene blinked, then once more. He felt the world around him was swaying to his left, then to his right. In the back of his mind, he could hear Ned talking on the phone and somewhere in the distance, too, Keith shouting for his name. What he could know for certain was that this was not a hallucination watching Zach's loose limbs falling over as Keith carried him out of the stall. Eugene fell on his knees beside Zach's unconscious body and—

"What's wrong with him?" he barely uttered, his voice weak.

Keith was gently shaking Zach's shoulder.

"Why's he silent?" he pleaded, his eyes not darting away from Zach's face. Eugene knew, without a doubt, that Zach had pretty blue eyes. It was an odd thought to strike him at this moment but he could not help it, he had the bluest eyes of all. But today they were not pretty, today he could not see them.

"Keith, why is he not talking?" he barely breathed.

"The ambulance is on their way," Ned informed them. "They're asking if he has a strong pulse."

Keith shook his head. "No. It's getting weaker."

At that moment, Eugene's world flashed in brilliant white light and then darkness enveloped him.

∷ ꬸ ∷

"Are you going to be okay?" Becky asked Eugene.

He nodded and watched her walk through the hospital doors. He fumbled backward, his back hitting the wall and allowed himself to sink to the ground. The feel of the warm setting sun on his face as he shut his eyes a nice welcome from the pathetic day he had been having, only for it to keep getting worse. As far as Eugene knew, he was a strong abled man. He had no fear of snakes, of blood, of ghosts because, well, he was Eugene Lee Yang. Apparently, as today was filled one horrific event after another, his body and mind could not handle anymore and he passed out on the bathroom floor.

He woke up to hushed sounds of Becky and Keith, he could not hear what they were saying in particular but their voices were talking hurriedly, worriedly as if something terrible was about to happen. Long story short, he rode in the back of Becky's car to the hospital, as Ned drove in the back of the ambulance with an unconscious Zach. There was no new news regarding Zach's status, save from the one time he did wake up but he was screaming violently in pain that the doctors and nurses had to sedate him to put him out of pain. Not only did the doctors have to find what was the cause of his pain but also how to keep his pain down when he was conscious.

Eugene had stepped out of the hospital, the over sanitized walls, the buzzing of many, many persons crowded in the waiting room, the speakers going off from time to time of doctors calling nurses, of nurses calling doctors, of receptionists calling doctors and nurses, it was all too much for him.

Out here, he felt safe.

He was hit with a tidal wave of emotions that caused his eyes to water and lips to tremble. He opened his eyes and blinked at the orange-pinkish horizon, prayed to a god he did not believe in that Zach would be alright. That he would please, please, wake up. He bit down on his quivering lip and willed himself to not let the tears in his eyes fall. He absolutely was not going to cry. He would absolutely not cry, not right now—

"What if the sun rose from the West?" Zach asked.

Eugene whipped his head so fast the world tilted on its axis. He blinked several times because, surely, he was seeing his own things. It could not be—it just could not be—Zach was in the A&E, not out here with him.

"I'm not crazy!" Eugene mumbled with as much force as he could master but even as Zach softly smiled at him, he found himself doubting his own words. "You're—you're not here. You're not here."

"Would the world be any different?" Zach continued his line of questioning.

Eugene shook his head and let out a self-deprecating laugh. He was talking to ghosts. This Zach was a ghost. Ghost Zach. He surely must be going insane.

"Are you real or in my head?" he humored Ghost Zach. Well

Ghost Zach's smile intensified tenfold and made himself comfortable against Eugene's body.

"Wherever I am, in your head or not in your head, why should any of this not be real?" Ghost Zach fired back. "that's what Dumbledore said when Harry had died in Harry Potter."

Eugene snorted. Great. This was all simply great! He inhaled deeply, then slowly but surely exhaled. He had a point though, whether Ghost Zach was a figment of his imagination or not, he was still real. He was a real person.

"I didn't know you were a fan of Harry Potter."

"I know that you are, so I binged watched all the movies just so I'd know what you and Keith were talking about," Ghost Zach admitted. Whether this was real or not, fact or fiction, Eugene did not care as a deep shade of pink colored his cheeks.

He cleared his throat awkwardly and asked, "What do you mean would the world be any different?"

"If the sun rose from the West, do you think the world would be different?"

"I'm sure it would," Eugene answered. "Climate change, ocean currents, and whatnot. Why?"

"Certain things would change but not everything," Ghost Zach said, decidedly not looking at Eugene. Silence befell them and Eugene looked up at the orange sky. "Like, do you think Dumbledore would still have been a dick to Harry?"

Eugene chuckled. "Dumbledore will always be a dick, whether the sun rises from the West or in any parallel universe."

They shared a secret smile before Ghost Zach turned and looked down at his lap. He was fiddling with his fingers, Eugene openly looking at him, at all of Ghost Zach and for a brief moment, happy that he had, in whatever form it came in, Zach beside him.

"I had no one to call," Eugene admitted. Ghost Zach looked up at him. "Normally you'd always be the one to call. Keith called Becky, Ned called Ariel… and I'd normally call you. Always."

"I'm always a phone call away."

"You did always say that. But not today. I couldn't call you. I couldn't call my parents, my sisters, I—It's why I'm out here. At least I have the sky, even if I have nobody to call."

"I'm right here."

In a way Ghost Zach was with him, but deep-down Eugene knew he was alone. He was always alone.

"I thought you were dead," he admitted.

Ghost Zach chuckled lightly. "I can't die, you wouldn't survive without me." Eugene snorted but a smile was dancing on his lips. "It's true. Who else are you going to play Mahjong with? Or who else is going to charade you for the large amounts of soy sauce you use in your cooking? Or harangue you for eating too much kimchi?"

Eugene was laughing now. "I don't take that much soy sauce."

"As if! Your blood is made of soy sauce. Scratch that. You don't have blood running in your veins, you have soy sauce. Sometimes I swear it's literally what keeps you alive."

Eugene was laughing along with him, the events of the day washing off his back as he felt the last throes of the sun on his face before the sky turned into nightfall. Just then an ambulance wheezed passed where Eugene was sat and headed for the A&E entrance. It was then he saw Becky walking out of the hospital and headed towards him.

He quickly turned to his left but Ghost Zach was gone. Vanished into thin air. He slightly shook his head because of course Zach was not here, he was simply a figment of his imagination. Yet, a large part of him felt like it was Zach that was here with him. A part of him, anyway. He turned in time to find Becky close by who smiled and waved at him.

"Hey, Becky."

"Hey Eugene," she greeted. "I was heading to Starbucks for some Frappuccino. Do you wanna join me?"

He was hesitant. What if something happened to Zach when he was away? What if he was not here when—well, he does not know when but he wanted to be close by in case of anything.

"I'll be fine, Eugene. Go!"

He could not see him but he heard him loud and clear. He looked up to find Becky calmly smiling back at him and he nodded. He was eternally grateful that she did not ask how he was feeling if he was okay as it drove him bonkers. He got up from the ground, dusted himself, walked together towards Starbucks.

∷ ꬸ ∷

Eugene sat back in his seat, and waited and waited for any news about Zach's health. He was not surprised, for the second time today, when he saw Zach sat opposite him in the waiting area. Ghost Zach smiled at him, looked forward and simply sat there. It was odd, even for Eugene, to see Ghost Zach not speaking. As much as he can remember Zach never kept his mouth shut, even at night when he was asleep he would mumble a few words here and there. There was not a word he did not like, Zach's mom often joked and Eugene wholeheartedly agreed.

Ariel raised her head from her husband's shoulder watching Eugene walk to the opposite side, one chair between himself and Keith and sat down, facing the vending machine. She looked at him for a moment or two, noticing his shoulders relaxing and his jaw unclenching. She looked over to the vending machine, wondering what was there that made Eugene relax but saw nothing jump out at her.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Ghost Zach asked.

Eugene smiled to himself.

"You were a real dick, a real dickhead!"

Eugene's smile grew and he had to remind himself not to chuckle at the memory. After all, he was speaking to a ghost, it would be odd if he was suddenly laughing to himself in public.

The first time they met, they were both interns at Buzzfeed. Eugene and Zach had not heard nor met each other apart from Orientation Day but that was it. On a random Friday afternoon in September, Zach approached Eugene and asked him for his opinion on his Tinder profile.

"Excuse me?" Eugene had asked, perplexed. First, that was very random and secondly, he did not know him like that. They were not friends.

"My Tinder profile," Zach continued, unperturbed. "What do you think? I'd like your opinion on it."

"But…" On the top of his tongue, he had wanted to remind dear Zachary that they were not friends, and why was he insisting on asking for his opinion and did he mention they were not that close for fuck's sake. "… why?"

"Why, you're a man of style, Eugene!" Zach had said catching the attention of his co-workers Steven and Andrew who normally sat near Eugene.

Eugene had sighed, wanting Zach to leave him alone as soon as possible as the Senior Editor was on his ass about handing over his latest video project by the end of the day and he had only two hours left. So, he took Zach's phone, the Jewish man sitting on the empty seat, making himself comfortable. To the say the truth, Eugene had found his Tinder profile deplorable—and that was putting it kindly. He did not contain his disgust, it was well written on his face, and he let him know just how appalling it was. Beginning with his photos that were downright tacky, his bio was stale and there was a reason nobody was swiping right on him. Did Zach honestly think he would find someone for himself on Tinder? He had a better chance at the mortuary.

"You hurt me that time," Ghost Zach confessed. Eugene pursed his lips, not saying anything.

In hindsight he knew he was wrong, he should not have said what he said but he was a different person then. He also had not seen Steven Lim and Andrew Ilnyckyj's shocked faces after hearing him chew Zach's ear off about his Tinder profile. He had a video project to submitted, after all!

Well, Eugene did not have many friends at Buzzfeed. Even five months later, Eugene still did not have people he could call friends. The closest thing to a friend he had was Andrew and by default, he was kind of friends with Steven Lim just because, who he instantly bonded with because they shared the same love of Peking duck. This left him with not many people to socialize with a work (or even outside work) where people spoke ill of him behind his back (at times to his chest) calling him stubborn, mean and other words that rolled off his back because he simply did not care. Well, he cared a little but that's between you and him! Zach had introduced him to his friends, Keith Habersberger and Ned Fulmer, but they barely talked and rarely saw each other.

During a rare sunny moment in mid-November, Andrew joined Eugene for lunch tagging Steven along. Steven, being Steven, was spilling the tea about the office. He began with Quinta allegedly pregnant, with rumors of who was going to be fired and how there was an ongoing joke of how Zach had been on Tinder for ages and had only three people swiping right on him.

"What do you mean a joke?" he had asked.

Steven shrugged, chewing on his hot dog. "People are making bets on how long he is going to get 10 matches. Some are betting by the end of the month, end of the year, some are betting how he won't get 10 matches. It's getting competitive!" Steven took a drink of his water. "How have you not heard of it?"

"How had you not heard of it?" Ghost Zach questioned him. "It was literally all everyone was talking about."

"Nobody talked to me," he wanted to tell Zach but remembered he could not speak out loud and secondly, Zach was a ghost. People did not normally talk to ghosts.

Needless to say, he felt really, really bad. He had shat on his only friend at Buzzfeed and people kept piling it on. Being the happy-go-lucky lad, Zach laughed along with it, not taking the comments to heart but Eugene could feel that it was getting to him. The comments, the low matches, the whole of it. So one day, with help from Andrew and surprisingly Steven ("Anything for friendship!" Steven cheered), he marched towards Zach's corner of the office, armed with a gift in his hand. He had ignored the unwelcome eye glances from his co-workers and stood near Zach's desk.

"Hey, Gene!"

Eugene had suppressed an eye-roll. He hated that nickname, for some reason Zach insisted on calling him that. He stretched out his hand and held a white envelope for him to take.

"What's this?"

"Open it."

Eugene gathered that for a while Zach had failed to garner tickets to Disney World as last-minute tickets were always hard to get, and the ones available were ridiculously priced. According to the rumor mill, or Steven really, Zach had wanted to celebrate with his friends (and their wives) of their success in their latest video.

"H-how did you—What in the—What the fu—Eugene!" Zach had stammered through his surprise and shock, unable to formulate a sentence. "I've been looking for these tickets for ages but never—How did you get them?"

"I know someone who knows someone who works at Disney."

"And…" Zach had questioned, wanting to know more.

Eugene had shrugged. Somewhere behind him, he could feel Keith and Ned's eyes on his back attempting to see what was making Zach shout in joy. He would not admit it but he felt proud that he managed to make Zach happy whereas they, his best friends, could not. "He managed to get me the tickets, at a higher price than usual but it was chill."

"Will you tell me now how you got those Disney tickets?" Ghost Zach inquired.

Eugene smirked and shook his head. Ghost Zach seemed to accept that Eugene would never admit how he ever got a hold of sold-out five Disney tickets but that day Ghost Zach knew it was his way of apologizing and being a forgive-and-forget type of guy, Zach forgave him on the spot.

"Also, I'm going to help you with Tinder."

Zach had looked surprised, and behind him, he heard Keith gasp and Ned murmur, 'What?!' "I'm going just great, by the way. I don't know what you're imp—"

"If I know you're not doing well, then literally the whole of the office knows. And that's bad," he added. To get over the awkward bile that was rising to his throat, he simply took charge. "Here's the plan, this weekend you and I are going to find gorgeous places to take kickass Tinder-esque photos and I guarantee everybody will be swiping right on you." And then his confidence waned as he stammered, "If you're free, that is."

Zach had smiled brightly and beautifully. "I'll clear my already free schedule for an impromptu Tinder 101 with the Eugene Lee Yin-Yang."

Eugene, this time, had rolled his eyes. "Just Yang."

"I keep saying, you'll need to find a wonderful woman named Yin and together you'll be Yin-Yang."

Eugene had huffed and puffed. Zach, as soon as he had learned his surname, had suggested, with bubbles of laughter, that he should marry a woman named Yin, hyphenate their surnames upon marriage and be called Yin-Yang. Eugene had pulled the chair Zach was about to sit on away and the man fell to the floor. It had not stopped Zach from laughing his ass off and occasionally bringing it up from time to time.

"But you have your drag show appearance with Kim Chi this weekend."

"It doesn't matter. I'll text you the details." And he had walked off, not wanting Zach to see how much he was floored by Zach knowing that little detail. He had told him ages ago, before the Tindergate saga, and somehow, he had remembered. He remembered even after he had treated Zach like shite. Back at his desk, instead of finishing up work, he spent the rest of his time searching picturesque sites in California, even as far as San Fran, that would make Zach look attractive on Tinder.

That weekend they had driven to the various places Eugene had earlier researched on but not before purchasing a bucketload of outfits and buying a professional expensive camera.

"Is this necessary?" Zach had wondered staring at their morning's purchases.

"Yes! This isn't some small affair; it's an event, honey," Eugene had said. He put his car in Drive and off they went. It was the first time Eugene was hanging outside of work with a colleague, a friend. Everything about the weekend was fun, edgy, chic, insta-worthy and dare Eugene say, amusing. Steven was going to shit his pants upon hearing the spent his weekend taking photos with Zach. A few days later, indeed, Steven did shit himself upon hearing from the rumor mill that he had spent the weekend with Zach.

"What's this?" Andrew had asked, amused. "Is Zach your new BFF now?"

Eugene had said nothing but his smile was soft and his eyes were twinkling.

"Guess what else?" Steven continued as he poured wine into Andrew's glass. "Zach's been getting hundreds and hundreds of likes and super likes on his Tinder. He gets more Super Likes than even Jessica! Can you imagine? It's insane. This week alone he has been on five different dates and he has more coming up. According to Keith, he went shopping with Becky for a masquerade mask as his date is into the theater or some shit like that. His Tinder is sharp and his Bio sharper! Whatever you did Eugene, it worked."

He raised his wine glass and clinked it against Eugene's.

After lunch, he had found Zach at his desk, playing Mahjong on his computer.

"How many times have I told you not to play Mahjong on my computer, Zachary? You're not some ancient Chinese man drinking Oolong tea on a Tuesday afternoon."

Zach simply laughed in response. After a second or two of no intention of moving, Eugene sighed in defeat and pulled up an empty chair and rolled near Zach. The man ended his game, or rather he paused it and turned to Eugene, nothing but all smiles. Eugene raised an eyebrow in question.

"Thank you," he said. "We all had so much fun at Disney and it couldn't have happened without you." He stood up and bent down to give Eugene a giant bear hug. "I know you don't like hugs but—we're friends now. Friends give each other hugs."

At the corner of his eye, he could see Andrew staring at him in shock and Steven awing at the both of them. This was very unEugene. Very. Nonetheless, he wrapped his arms around Zach's small body and held tightly.

"You're allowed," he had told him, as if a secret that only Zach would know, would ever know, and he was not to share it with anyone. Zach never did, as the future showed, only Zach was truly allowed to hug Eugene without a fuss or a huff of annoyance or rejection from the Korean man.

Over time, he did not know how, in between outfit swaps, swiping right and left on Tinder, re-reading Tinder bios, date mishaps and lots and lots of alcohol and ice-cream, he wished he was the one Zach took on dates. He fell for him, fell for the melodious laughter, for the dumb Yin-Yang jokes, for the random hugs throughout the day, for the times he would join him and Andrew and Steven for lunch, for their movie hangouts and bar crawls. He fell in love with Zach slow and steady, and he did not know what to do about it.

What had floored him, what made him know for sure he was gone for Zach, that Zach was it for him was when one random day in February, just before Mardi Gras, Zach introduced, properly this time, Keith and Ned to Eugene… and thereafter the Try Guys were born!

Eugene smiled to himself as he looked over at his friends that he truly called family. If it was not for Zach he would have never heard Ned say, 'My wife…' a million times over nor would he have known Keith's obsession with fried chicken.

"So… are you going to tell me that you love me?" Ghost Zach asked, smirking a little.

Eugene whipped his head. His eyes searched Zach's as his heart raced. Did Zach know? He quickly looked over to where the others were and wondered if they knew. He caught Becky's eye and she sent him a smile and he simply looked away.

"They love you, you know?" Ghost Zach said. "More than you know. Especially me."

Eugene chuckled to himself. This was ridiculous! He was projecting now, making a ghost express his feelings towards his best friend that he has been in love with for over four years now.

"Oh! They've got Skittles in the vending machine," Ghost Zach said. "I've been to the hospital so many times and each time they never have Skittles." He turned to Eugene. "Do you know how rare it is to have Skittles? Sour ones especially?"

Ghost Zach leaned his head on Eugene's shoulder and placed a hand on his thigh. He was half expecting to feel the touch but it felt like nothing at all. Nevertheless, he titled his head to the left and he tried not to cry at not being able to feel Zach's head beneath his own. He desperately wanted to feel him, to hear his voice yet he had to sit in the waiting room for who knows how long with Zach's figment of his imagination as the only thing keeping him sane.

"Hey Eugene"— It was Ariel. He had dozed off and his neck was stiff. He looked to his right but there was nothing there, nobody was there, simply another chair. He looked back up at Ariel. "Ned and I are heading out for coffee; do you want to come with?"

He shook his head even before she finished her sentence.

"Alright. Would you like anything?"

"Iced latte, please."

"Okay. Keith and Becky will be here. We'll be back soon." She squeezed his shoulder, hang in there¸ and exited the waiting room.

∷ ꬸ ∷

The three of them found themselves squeezed into a tiny compartment in the Accident and Emergency department facing an unconscious Zach laid on the hospital bed. He had machines all around his head, some beeping, others blinking rapidly, some flashing red, others had squiggly green and orange lines. Some machines had wires trailing down to various points of Zach's body, clear liquid passing through the tubes.

Eugene took in a shaky breath. "Is he okay?"

"He will be," the Doctor confirmed. His badge read Dr. Rio. "You were lucky to ring the ambulance as soon as you could. Unfortunately, there have been some complications."

"What kind?" asked Ned.

"When you brought him in he regained consciousness but he was in excruciating pain that we had to offer him drugs to ease his pain. Unfortunately, he slipped into unconsciousness and he has not woken up. Fortunately, we are monitoring his vital signs and they are all good it is when he is awake that is the issue. We are trying to figure out what could the main problem as he does not seem to have one specific spot of pain but rather his entire body."

"He has back pains."

Keith and Ned turned to Eugene.

Dr. Rio pushed his glasses up his nose. "How long has this been going on for?"

Eugene swallowed. Zach had been adamant that no one knew about his condition, whatever it was. He had found out accidentally and he had promised Zach that he would, of course, never tell anyone, not even Keith and Ned. Or his parents. But here was Zach, unable to be awake because of his unbearable pain and the doctors could not pinpoint the cause which meant they were no closer to treating his condition. He had to break that promise. He had no choice and he hoped that Zach understood.

"For a while now. A couple of months. Since last year."

"Last year?" Ned exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"He made me swear not to tell anyone, not even his parents. It's why I haven't called them yet," he added in a whisper.

"Would you say the back pains have been going on for roughly a year now?" Dr. Rio inquired.

"In the beginning, it was not so bad. I had found a remedy of lavender baths and essential oils that worked—or so I thought. It worked, I swear, but apparently, he was getting worse."

Dr. Rio was jotting down exceptionally fast on his clipboard and without looking up from it, he asked, "Where else did he have these pains?"

"Mostly along his spine. Neck… lower back… sometimes his shoulder but rarely. Is he going to be okay?"

Dr. Rio nodded minutely. "Now that I have more information, we can run a few more tests. I can happily say we won't be needing an MRI as he has no brain damage but we will be running extensive blood tests."

"What's wrong then?" Keith asked.

"He may have symptoms of mild arthritis."

"Arthritis? Isn't that for old people?"

"Generally yes, but it is not exclusively for the elderly." He jotted down his last notes and put his clipboard underneath his armpit. "You are allowed to stay here for as long as Zach is here. We will be keeping him here as we await his blood results. In the meantime—who is Eugene Lee Yang?"

Eugene raised his hand.

"You were listed as his second emergency contact. May I ask if you would kindly inform his family about the events today? His mother, his first emergency contact, has been phoned but is not going through."

"I will."

"Alright then. Cheerio!"

The three turned back and faced Zach who was still unconscious. Eugene stepped forward and walked around the bed and stood before the sleeping man. His eyes snaked down to his feet then back up to his face. He slowly reached across and brushed the hair on his face to his side and repeated the motion. Behind him, Keith and Ned were discussing who was going to inform the Kornfelds about their son.

"I've been meaning to get a haircut," Ghost Zach said. Eugene looked across the from Zach's body and breathed out softly through his lips. Eugene felt his bottom lip tremble, his hand not leaving Zach's hair, and looked on pleadingly at Ghost Zach. He took in a sharp breath and looked away to a steady heart monitor above Zach's head.

"I don't mind calling," Ned volunteered. "I'll step outside to do it. Plus, I need to ask Ariel if she can buy us some food," he sent a glance Eugene's way, "who knows how long we'll be here for." He turned back to Keith. "Do you want anything? I'll be asking Ariel to fetch some stuff from home and the store."

"Probably a charger," Keith said. "And coffee, too. The coffee here sucks."

"Alright," Ned nodded, as he typed down a list of items on his phone that they would probably be needing for the next few hours.

"I'd kill for tea right now," Ghost Zach lamented. "Do you think they can add tea into this drip and just inject my body with it?"

Eugene rolled his eyes but there was a tiny smirk on his lips. It was nearing half-past one in the morning; the sun had long set and the night was long. Ned had left Keith in the A&E compartment to call Zach's parents, as well as send Ariel and Becky on food and essentials run.

"Last time I was at the hospital it was because you had accidentally cut your finger slicing up an avocado!" Ghost Zach chuckled.

Eugene smiled at Ghost Zach and this time Keith caught it. He had made himself comfortable by the end of his bed and while he had not particularly been paying attention to Eugene, he noticed it now. The constant staring off into the distance, occasionally smiling to himself then returning the look to a sleeping Zach. Now that he thought about it, at the waiting room, he would hear the small chuckle, a whisper of a laugh or the permanent tilt of his head to the side, as if he was listening to a secret someone beside him was telling him.

Keith frowned. Eugene's hard edges and sharp turns had softened ever since Zach's accident. He was the softest he had ever seen Eugene. He was gentle with Zach, running his fingers through the wisps of Zach's hair, sometimes thumbing his eyebrows or his pale cheeks. His eyes would gaze over to the other side of the bed to the blue curtain but Keith felt as if he was staring at someone there, which was a ridiculous notion in and of itself. What was more was that his right hand was softly wrapped around Zach's hand and he never left him, not once and they had been here for a while now.

"How long have you known?" Keith asked, breaking their silence.

Eugene did not look away from Zach. "Hmm?"

"How long have you known you love him?"

Eugene whipped his head so fast Keith was sure he had whiplash. Ghost Zach gasped, 'Oh snap!' and Eugene tensed. He felt as if the rug has been pulled from underneath his feet and fallen flat on his ass. His hold on Zach's hand tightened and his mind ran a million miles per second. Should he tell Keith? Should he lie? What should he do? He turned to look at Ghost Zach for answers, for direction, for anything really.

Ghost Zach smiled at him, knowingly.

"How did you know?" he asked instead, neither looking at Zach nor at Keith, but at the heart monitor beeping quietly in their little bubble, beeping the night away.

"I didn't catch it at first, really, but you look at him differently. Well, that sounds cliché as fuck," Keith amended, laughing at how cheesy that sounded. "I mean—you let him hug you without fussing."

"I do that with you, too."

"Well yes, but actually no. You pull away when we try to hug you or kiss your cheek but you don't do anything to stop Zach. And also, right now, the way you look at him softly, silently begging the gods you don't believe in that they take care of our little Korndiddy."

"He nailed it!" Ghost Zach remarked. "Holy shit! You have been begging any deity out there to not let me die."

Eugene felt his eyes water but hurriedly blinked and the wave passed. "It doesn't matter anyway."

"What do you mean?" Keith asked.

"He's not gay and he obviously won't like me. I'm really messed up, a little depressed, probably an alcoholic with a complicated relationship with my family and—and I genuinely don't know if he'll live."

"He will. Zach's a lot stronger than we give him credit for," Keith said confidently. Eugene swallowed thickly and exhaled a shaky breath. "And you're not messed up. Zach wouldn't want to hear you say that about yourself."

"He's right," Ghost Zach agreed. "I think you're perfect, Eugene Lee Yang."

"Please don't tell Ned," Eugene begged, this time turning to Keith. "Or Zach. They can't know, they simply can't know. The only other people who know are Andrew and Steven."

"Steven Lim and Andrew Ilnyckyj's?" Keith parroted. "How?"

"I got drunk this one time when we all went clubbing and apparently I was a sappy fuck and told them about Zach."

"Wow! You must've had a lot to drink because I don't think I've seen Sappy Drunk Eugene."

"I've never seen sappy drunk Eugene and I hope I never do."

"Regardless, your secret is safe with me," Keith assured his friend. "But imagine how cute you two would be if you dated! Aww, Zach and Eugene… Zagene."

"Zagene is an adorable ship name!" Ghost Zach aww'd.

"Gross! And also, no. Just—no." Eugene shook his head. "We'd never date because that's never gonna happen."

"I'm just saying, your babies would be sexy."

"He's not wrong!" Ghost Zach happily agreed.

Eugene rolled his eyes at Ghost Zach, which looked as if he was generally rolling his eyes. "Neither of us can get pregnant."

"I know but imagine the children. Oh, mama! The skin would be gorgeous, the cheekbones, the everything," Keith continued his awe. Eugene cracked a smile and Ghost Zach was laughing. "They'd get into any school they wanted, they would be the coolest kids in school cause they'd be half-Korean and half-Jewish meaning their Bar Mitzvah would be the talk of the town because their Daddy was always dressed to kill and their Papa was a bubble of joy."

"That'd be amazing," Eugene found himself agreeing.

"I get to be Daddy!" Ghost Zach cheered. "And you're Papa."

Eugene wanted to argue, that no, he was not going to be Papa because he was more of a Daddy than Papa but Ghost Zach beat him to it with a simple word of explanation: Korndaddy.

"Korndiddy," Eugene corrected then froze.

"What?" asked Keith.

Eugene internally cursed as Ghost Zach laughed at him. It was meant to be an inside thought, the correction, but here he was. He cleared his throat.

"I was thinking who would be the Papa and the Daddy."

"Oh, you'd definitely be Daddy," Keith said.

"Exactly what I was thinking," Eugene said, briefly shooting a victory cheer into his side glance at Ghost Zach. "He is more of Papa vibes than Daddy vibes."

"Korndaddy!" Ghost Zach pointed out.

"Plus, he's better with kids than you are," Keith continued. "Even though you were amazing with Wes, then with Rachel's twins. Zach's never taken care of any baby."

"He's… just better with kids," Eugene said. He briefly looked over to find Ghost Zach gazing back at him, his smile soft and small as if reserved simply for him and him alone.

Keith noticed the brief stare Eugene had with the blue curtains on the other side of Zach's bed but did not mention it, simply storing it for later.

"I call Godfather!" he called out.

Eugene raised an eyebrow at him and Keith wriggled his eyebrows at him, suggestively. "If you ever do have Korn babies with Zach."

Eugene stared at him, his lips bubbling with the rising laughter and he could not take it anymore. He burst out laughing and Keith joined in, the two of them laughed and did not notice Ned walking through.

Time, as it always did, moved forward, the world turned into day as the sun rose. At about seven in the morning, Ned finally got a hold of Zach's parents who spoke to Dr. Rio about Zach's condition. They revealed to the good doctor that there was a rare gene in the family that they had all tested negative for save from him. Dr. Rio thanked her and stated that they were going to be making progress on finding out what exactly had been ailing Zach. The following hour Ned relayed the same information to the other two, part of the information news to Eugene who had, with quick research to Google, knew it was genetics or cancer.

Either one did not look good.

Mama Kornfeld asked if she could speak to Eugene quietly. The Korean man vehemently shook his head, he could not. Would not. He was too embarrassed to speak to her, feeling like he had done nothing to improve the situation, he was useless in aiding Zach and above everything else, he was the only one who knew about Zach's pains and had kept it a secret. To protect who? He did not know. But Mama Kornfeld was one persistent woman and in the end, Eugene found himself taking Ned's phone and heading outside the hospital.

"Dr. Rio told me that you knew about my boy's pains," she said and Eugene swallowed. No pleasantries, he thought.

"Yes, ma'am."

She hummed on the phone. "How long?"

"Since Easter last year but I think it started before that. I would often find him massaging his neck, groaning when he had sat for too long." He swallowed. "For a while lavender baths seemed to work, his pains would subside and he would not feel any pain but lately that was not the case. Just this weekend I was going to take him to the hospital but…" he let his sentence peter out.

"He's a stubborn boy, that Zach," she said after a moment. "There is a gene in our bloodline, BRCA1, and we all tested negative for it excluding Zach."

"Why didn't he get tested?"

"I think he was scared," she answered woefully. "We had all tested negative which, logically, meant he was going to have the gene. The bad gene. I suppose in a way he knew he had the gene, he knew he—"

"He didn't want it confirmed," Eugene said, more to himself than anything. It explained Zach's long reluctance to go to the hospital, all the times he would tell Zach that tomorrow they would go to the hospital, or this weekend, or next Thursday, and every time Zach found an excuse and they would never make it. He wished he had known that Zach knew about this rare gene in their family and perhaps, if anything, things would not have needed up how they did.

"You did a good job, Eugene," she said, her voice cutting through his thoughts, "of taking care of my little boy."

"I—I didn't do anything, Mrs. Kornfeld," he admitted. "I barely helped him."

"You kept him safe and that's asking a lot of you. Also, you kept his secret and, while in the end, it came to bite him, I know he values trust a whole lot. More than anything in this world. You're good people, Eugene."

Eugene did not say anything but his breath wavered.

"I'm catching a flight within the hour and should be at the hospital before two PM," she informed him.

"Alright, Mrs. Kornfeld."

She finished by saying, "And please call me Margot!"

"Please don't hate me."

Eugene did not have to open his eyes to know it was Ghost Zach speaking to him yet again. This time he did not care that he was speaking to him, did not care if passersby would walk by seeing him talking to air. He was tired and confused and he needed sleep!

"This whole time, did you know about the bad gene in your bloodline?"

Eugene did not need to look to his left to know he was nodding. "It felt like a death sentence. You know, being told you have this gene in your blood that tells you your Fate—like those tarot cards or crystal balls. I didn't want to know even if a part of me knew."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"After everything you did for me, Eugene, how could I add this onto it? You did everything you could to help alleviate the pain – lavender baths will always be my fondest memories – and I just couldn't tell you that the pain would never, ever go away. It was not a phase in my life." Eugene turned to Ghost Zach and let out a long-suffering sigh. "I didn't want to be a burden."

"You're not a burden," Eugene whispered just before Ghost Zach disappeared.

It was about time that Zach woke up and he did when the sun was shining through the glass windows of his hospital room. Earlier in the morning at 9 o'clock, they had transferred his bed from the A&E to the fifth floor where he was being held for further testing and they were positive they could remove Zach from an induced coma without having him scream in literal pain. He woke up groggy and groaning, alerting the other Try Guys to his wakefulness.

Zach cursed loudly. "Please tell me I'm not in an actual hospital." The silence was an answer enough. He sighed as he rubbed his forehead. "How long have I been out for?"

"Nearing 20 hours, mate," Keith said.

Zach gasped. "Whoa! Okay, okay! Someone tell me what happened before I lose my shit. And also, I'd kill for a cup of tea or a bag of Skittles, either one."

As if by magic, Eugene pulled a bag of sour Skittles from behind him and handed it to him. Zach made grabby fingers toward the bag, screaming You're the bestest with his eyes full of love and light for the Skittles.

Rapidly munched on a million in one go, he moaned, "I've missed these!"

"Slow down there buddy, they're not going anywhere," Ned chuckled.

"I've been out for 20 hours, who knows what will happen next."

They each took turns explaining the events leading up to Zach passing out on the bathroom floor in their office, to Zach being in basically an induced coma because he would constantly wake up screaming in pain, to learning about his back pain as a form of arthritis and it was pre-destined for him to get the condition to, well, right now, the present. Oh, his parents were on their way to see him, too.

"Why didn't you tell us about your back pains?" Keith asked, sounding like a worried mom.

Zach turned to Eugene, his mouth opening but no words falling out. He wanted to ask him a million questions but none was forthcoming.

"You were passed out when they found you," Eugene explained and Zach's little nod told him that one of his unasked questions was this one. Zach turned to the others and filled them in on what Eugene had always known. "Dr. Rio – your doctor – will be coming soon to tell us what kind of arthritis you have."

"Look at that, I simultaneously have the body of a 12-year-old girl and an 80-year-old man. Fantastic!" Zach deadpanned. "I should be in the Guinness World Records or something."

"Some people find that sexy," Keith said and not so subtly pointedly looked to Eugene. Zach did not catch the eye contact, who huffed and puffed about Nobody finds a 12-year-old sexy, Keith! as Eugene glared heavily towards the tall Tennessee man.

"You just never know," Keith added. Eugene wanted to strangle him.

"But this is good news, right? You'll be able to receive treatment and go about your day without constant pain," Ned chimed in. Zach munched on his bag of Skittles as his response.

The doctor did come through who recommended a specialist who, in short, explained that Zach had Ankylosing Spondylitis, or AS for short. ("What a shitty name for my shitty disease!" Zach lamented.) As Dr. Rio predicted, he did have a form of arthritis, bone arthritis to be specific but more chronic. In short, AS was a form of advanced spinal arthritis that caused inflammation to his vertebrae. No, it was not curable and he would need to be on drugs that would aid in palliating his pain. In short, he was going to be on immunosuppressive medication for the rest of his life.

Dr. Rio also added heavy pain medication for him to last him till his appointment which was scheduled in two days and he most definitely had to go. Keith, Ned, and Eugene all solemnly nodded at Dr. Rio as Zach continued eating his Skittles. For someone who had just learned they had an invisible disability that would, for the rest of his life, affect his lifestyle and life as a whole, he was pretty calm which was worrying for Eugene. Very worrying.

What was even more worrying was what Zach revealed to him later on in the day just as the Try Guys were about to leave the hospital (Mama Kornfeld had arrived at the hospital and chased them away, citing they needed rest and she would take over from here. Besides, tomorrow they would come over after work to see her little boy) and head home after 24 hours. In between checkups and phone calls and general hospital meanderings, Zach, not so subtly, informed Eugene that during his unconscious state, he would slip in and out. He could, on occasion, hear conversations between the doctors adding morphine into his drip, of Keith talking on the phone to Becky, of Ned talking to one of their Senior Producers about work extension, of confessions of crushes on him, and did Eugene talk to a ghost version of him?

The color on Eugene's face drained and he felt his body turn cold. He slipped his hand away from Zach's hold and took a step backward. His eyes lost their focus and, from somewhere in his brain, he prayed for Ghost Zach to appear. Ghost Zach was nicer, much, much nicer than real Zach at this moment.

"I know you love me," Zach said and it was all it took for Eugene's vision to turn blindly white before he collapsed at the foot of Zach's hospital bed.

∷ ꬸ ∷

Everything went back to normal, or as normal as normal could get. Zach received a warm welcome back, a Friday party was thrown for him where everyone was present all but one person, anyway. He got the feeling that Eugene was avoiding him and his feeling was confirmed when he came into work this morning and found Eugene's desk empty. Cleared. His heart sank to his feet as the first thing he thought of was—

"Did Eugene resign?"

"No," answered Ned. "He moved back to his old cubicle."

His old cubicle was where he sat with Steven and Andrew when he first started as an intern before he met with the rest of the Try Guys. Zach sat down at his seat, not before longingly staring at an empty desk where Eugene used to be. On the other side of the office, Eugene had made himself comfortable, he had finalized his final video where it was about him and a behind-the-scenes exclusive on how he managed to make one viral video each month for Buzzfeed. He knew he could not avoid Zach forever, he was part of the Try Guys after all, and they required each other to make videos but until then, which was going to be tomorrow, he could live in this make-believe world where Zach did not know about his secret crush nor did he not have AS.

What a wonderful world!

"Eugene?" Eugene turned to find a surprised Steven. "What are you doing here? Did you miss me so much you moved back?"

"No," deadpanned Eugene. "You lot get the best coffee in the office."

"You're just noticing now?" Steven sat at his desk but turned around so he was facing him. "It's been two years."

"And I may have missed you too," Eugene added and rolled his eyes when Steven cooed at him. Also, what are you doing back? Thought you'd be heading to Nashville for sandwiches."

"I did too," Steven agreed. "But Andrew and Adam have to film an episode for Tasty before we leave so I postponed it till Friday." Steven mischievously smiled at him as he added, "Guess we get to spend quality time together."

Eugene snorted at his computer. "I take it back, Steven. I missed Andrew, not you."

"You missed me?" Eugene whipped his head, not expecting Andrew to be in Buzzfeed offices today. "Are you sick? Are you dying?"

"He missed me so that's why he's here," Steven spoke up.

"I heard him say he missed Andrew, as in Me, not you Steven," Andrew countered.

"You don't know that!" Steven defended. "Just before he said he missed me—and the coffee—but mostly me."

"I heard Andrew, and from previous history, he liked me better."

"That's not true!"

Eugene turned back to his computer, chuckling lightly at their pointless conversation. A small part of him did miss the childish banter between Andrew and Steven, it was a drastic change from the banter of the Try Guys.

His Senior Producer had asked him, and the rest of the Try Guys, to clean the prop for weeks now and Eugene thought what better time than the present to do it. Also, it would get his mind off stuff. He sent a quick message to the Try Guys group chat that he would clean the prop closet himself and not to bother helping him – it gave him more time to work on it.

"You're done for the day?" asked Steven surprised. He quickly glanced at the clock – it was not even 11:00 AM – then back at Eugene who had his bag packed.

"I'm cleaning the prop closet today. If I leave it for one more day, Ben is going to skin me alive," Eugene said. Ben was their General Manager.

"Thankfully I don't get to do that shit," Andrew bragged. He held a higher position than most of the Buzzfeed employees and was therefore exempt from menial tasks such as cleaning prop closets or sitting in baths of champagne for video content.

"It's not so bad," Eugene said. "It's oddly comforting. Plus, who knows what props I'll come back with and prank you with."

Steven cheered. "Yes! Eugene and Steven back on the prank train against Andrew."

Andrew rolled his eyes in response and Eugene walked to the prop closet. It was not as messy as he thought it was oddly neat just that it was filled with useless props that he was sure nobody at Buzzfeed would need.

He found a couple of garbage bags and began emptying the closet. He was at it for hours, lunch hour passing him by as the sounds of BTS filled his ears, so much so he did not see the one man he had been avoiding for days approach him. A double-tap on his shoulder pulled him out of his bubble and he caught his breath.

Run, his brain supplied and with no second thought he did. Except he spun on the spot too quickly, tripped over his own feet and landed on his back on the musty couch. Before he could gather himself and make a run for it, Zach was on top of him, straddling him with his hands square on Eugene's chest.

"You've been avoiding me."

"M'kinda busy, Zach."

Zach gave him a look and Eugene returned the same deadpan look. His touch senses were on overdrive, feeling Zach everywhere, on his hands on his chest, his thighs on either side of his torso, his entire being on him and he thought he was going to combust. For sure, Eugene was going to combust any minute now.

Zach opened his mouth but no words slipped out. He did this several times, like a fish out of water (Eugene currently feeling like a fish out of water), and bit his tongue in the end.

"Do you trust me?" he eventually asked.

Eugene swallowed. He nodded, not trusting his voice. He was sure he would let out an embarrassing squeak.

"Close your eyes."

Eugene followed his instructions and shut his eyes. Zach breathed in and out, licked his lips and lowered his body.

When Zach kissed Eugene, the world did not stop, there are no trumpets nor was there a Mariachi band playing all around them. Obviously. Eugene always thought those theories were ridiculous. But Eugene's world did stop. He felt every bone in his body metamorphosizing into white goo, from his metatarsals to his femur up to his wonderful ribcage and topping it off with his calvaria. His whole body was jelly.

His world circled back when he felt Zach pulling back, pulling away and he chased Zach, chased his lips with his hands coming around his neck to pull him back in. He cupped Zach's cheeks and kissed him. The kiss was light, a brush of lips as Eugene's mind racing with a million thoughts, his body a jelly beneath Zach, who had taken the lead in the kiss. Zach's hands were on everywhere on his body, on his hips, his fingers tightening around the hem of his shirt as he kissed him firmer, needier, hotter.

Was this real? Eugene wondered as he tugged on the hairs on the back of Zach's head. Was this Ghost Zach real or Zach himself real? He moaned loudly into Zach's mouth, the younger man chasing the sound by kissing him deeply, their mouths wet, hot, his hands slithering deeper into Zach's hair and tugging tighter. His heartbeat was high and loud in his ears he swore Zach could hear it just through kissing him.

"Do you understand?"

Eugene's heaved out a gasp of air. He frowned as he licked his lips, chasing the taste of the man sat on him.

"It's been you. It's always been you."

"W-Wh-When—What the—What?"

"Tongue-tied?" chuckled Zach.

Eugene composed himself and sent him the dirtiest eye roll he could master which only sent Zach into a fit of giggles.

"I don't get, though…" Eugene confessed after a moment.

"Don't you see?" he said with the softest voice. "You're the Yang to my yin."

Eugene stared. "… Is this going to be a thing?"

"You bet your ass it is!"

Eugene groaned, not out of spite or unkindly, but because he could not believe that he was finding himself agreeing with Zach. As Zach lowered himself to kiss him once more, the words you're the Yang to my yin was a melody playing loudly in Eugene's entire body.

It rhymed, it fit, it was yin and yang.