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Her name is Hagumi. She picked it out, and she likes it. She picked it out because it's cute and as a bonus it's spelled with hiragana, and spelling things with hiragana always makes words extra cute. She write it out sometimes, when no one is looking.
It's a good name. She likes to say it. Maybe she can call herself that, instead of boku or watashi. Hagumi thinks this. Hagumi wants to do this. That would solve a lot of problems, wouldn't it?
No one else calls her Hagumi, but that's because no one knows. She's going to tell people, someday.
School is rough. When she looks in the mirror she sees herself wearing the boys' uniform. It doesn't fit her. When she goes to school, they call her the wrong name.
She comes up with a few ways to distract herself. Sports are good. When she's running, she can focus on that and not think about anything else. Though sometimes she does wish that she could run far enough away that she could start all over again.
Some of the boys at school ask if she's interested in playing in a band with them. Nothing big or fancy, just for fun. She'd always wanted to know how to play an instrument, and it seems like a good distraction. So she agrees. They end up not doing a lot besides messing around with their instruments after school. Hagumi learns how to play the guitar, a little. She likes it. But she feels odd being with the boys. They talk about things that make her uncomfortable, sometimes. And they always seem to be in a sort of competition with each other to see who can play the coolest riff or write the edgiest lyrics.
She starts making excuses so she doesn't have to go to practice as often. Sports are a convenient excuse. She runs a lot and imagines running away. Then when she goes home, she messes around on her guitar a little by herself. She looks in the mirror and sees the boys' uniform and pretends it's someone else. Maybe a twin brother. She knows it's definitely not her.
She starts doing this more often because looking in the mirror is getting distressing. She knows she's getting older. Soon she'll change, she thinks. And her life will change, too. Next year she'll be in high school, and she'll be sent to a boys' school.
She looks at her imaginary brother in the mirror. What if he was real? What would he say? Would he encourage her to tell people she's Hagumi?
She frets about this for a few days. She thinks about it every time she looks in the mirror. And finally, she decides. She has to do something. She has to be the one who initiates the change, before waiting for change to overtake her.
She has to tell people she's Hagumi.
She tells her parents. It's scary. She thinks her voice might be shaking when she does it. But she's determined. She knows who she really is. She pretends her imaginary brother is supporting her. That makes it a little easier.
She does it. It's over. "This would make you happier?" her parents ask her.
She shuts her eyes and nods and hopes...
...it works.
It works!
She gets to go to a clinic. She gets to go to a girls' school. She gets to wear the girls' uniform!
She looks in the mirror on her first day and she's happy. It's not her imaginary brother in the mirror anymore. It's her! She's not sure about her hair. She could grow it longer, now that everyone knows that she's Hagumi. But she kind of likes it short, too. She'll think about it. For now, she's going to enjoy herself.
She joins the sports clubs at school and doesn't feel like she has to run away from anything. Although sometimes, she does have to chase things. One day, she's chasing a teammate when she runs smack into a pink bear. And if that weren't surprising enough, the bear is in a band. The blonde girl standing next to the bear is familiar... "Hmm? Wait... you're that Kokoro-chan from 1C, right? I'm Hagumi Kitazawa, 1A. We go to the same school."
"Huh...?" Kokoro tilts her head. "Oh yeah, now that you mention it, I think I've seen you before! You go to Hanasakigawa, huh. This is perfect! Ever thought about joining a band?"
"A... band? Well, I..."
Hagumi pauses for just a moment. She was in a band, right? She had never really stopped playing with the boys. She'd just lost track of things after graduating middle school and she hadn't talked to them since
It all seems so long ago. And it wasn't... her, was it? It was her brother in the mirror.
Yeah.
"...my brother's in a band! But... I don't know the rules, or how to beat other bands or anything like that…" She thinks back to the boys constantly competing with each other. If that was what it was going to be like, then...
"There's no rules and we don't need to compete!" Kokoro exclaims. "All we need to do is have fun and enjoy ourselves! The rest we can just decide as we go along!"
"No rules... no competition... just have fun... and enjoy..." Hagumi marvels at this. It sounds so tempting. But she also can't help but wonder if Kokoro knows. Does she know that Hagumi used to wear a boys' uniform? Can she tell? What if she finds out? And if she ever does find out... will she care?
She looks at Kokoro. Kokoro is bright and sunny and her eyes are warm. The blue-haired girl next to her is looking at her softly as well.
She's going to do it. This is going to be her new start.
Thank you, she thinks to her brother in the mirror, and mentally waves goodbye.
"Count me in! I wanna join the band!!"