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“He’s such an ass! Come on let’s go get some drinks, let’s go party! Tilly’s party is tonight! Let’s get drunk and forget about him!” Karen pulled you up from the cocoon in your bed. She looked stunning, a purple tank top that accented her cleavage and a leather jacket, a black skirt, fishnets and boots.
You groaned, you were a mess. You had been crying all day, wasting away in your bed. Your bed was littered with candy wrappers and old takeout. You felt like you had binge watched every heartthrob movie on Netflix already. Someone can only watch The Notebook so many times you have learned.
Everything reminded you of him.
“We have to go to her party, you already told her you would go,” Karen whined, she turned to your dresser and started pulling out clothes.
You sat on your bed, hugging a pillow.
“I said that when I was still with him,” You grumbled.
“So? Your life doesn’t end the second you lose a man. In all honesty, it just begins,” She told you with a wave of her hand.
“I don’t think I can go,” You hiccuped.
Karen turned around.
“I know you don’t want to go, but you should. It’ll be fun, and you sure as hell need a drink.”
“I’ve already had a drink.”
“I know,” Karen smiled, continuing with her work creating the best outfit for you.
There was no mistaking the empty bottle of cheap whiskey below your bed.
You watched her, biting your lip. The only human interaction you’ve had this week was giving the delivery man money for the food and abruptly slamming the door on him. You weren’t ready for a party. But a party sounded fun, and you needed some fun in your life.
“Do I have to go?” You groaned, falling back into your bed with a thud.
“Yes.”
“Fine,” You drew out the word.
“See? I knew you’d come around,” Karen laughed, pulling out a shirt and looking at it. She turned to you, holding up an outfit she knew you would love.
You were silent eyeing the outfit. You would look really good in it. You sat up, clutching your pillow again.
Karen said next to you.
“What if he’s there?” You mumbled.
“If he’s there, we’ll show him what he lost.”
You nodded.
“You’ll look beautiful, sexy, absolutely drop dead gorgeous. You’ll give him a run for his money.”
“I will?” You asked, wiping away your tears.
“You already are.”
•••
Tilly’s house was in the outskirts of the city, while your apartment was smack dab in the middle. Karen drove, you felt queasy the entire time. You tried your best to take your mind off it, aimlessly staring out the window or listening to Karen’s (awful) pre game singing.
When the buildings became smaller, and the aspect of the city drifted behind you, you finally arrived at Tilly’s. It was early in the night already, but her house was already booming with music. It reminded you of the frat parties you used to attend. Cars lined the streets, it seemed like everyone in the damn city was here.
“I feel sick,” You blurted out, the house almost looked menacing. You could see the outline of people in the windows, and you knew any one of them could be him.
“It’ll be okay, I promise. If anything happens I’ll be with you the entire time. Mary Beth and Sadie are here too,” Karen grabbed your hand, slowly taking you up the steps, she pulled the door open and you looked out once more to the night sky. Tonight would sure as hell be interesting.
You immediately noticed the wave of people. It was seemingly endless. Karen dropped your hand, noticing Tilly walking up to you.
“Tilly! My girl! I’ve missed you!” Karen hugged her tightly.
Tilly laughed.
“It’s been like, three days!”
“Three days too long!” Karen laughed with her. Tilly held out a drink for Karen and another for you.
“What is it?” You asked.
“Drink it and you’ll find out!” She shouted over the loud music. You took a sip, it was strong as hell, the dark liquid sloshed in the cup.
Karen drank too, nearly spitting it out.
“I wasn’t expecting such a kick,” She laughed.
“John brough it, if you wanna know what the hell's in it ask him,” Tilly said. Your heart stopped, you felt sick again.
“John’s here?” You asked her, eyes wide.
“Oh my goodness! I am so sorry, I forgot to tell you!” Tilly covered her mouth. You knew she would never deliberately hurt you.
If John was here that meant the entire ragtag group was, including him.
“Is Arthur here?” You asked slowly.
Tilly nodded, biting her lip.
“I’m sorry, I am. I can try and keep them away from you guys,” She responded.
Tears welled in your eyes, you were not ready to see Arthur again.
“I haven’t talked to him, but I saw him earlier,” Tilly told you.
“Do you want me to give Arthur the heads up?” Tilly asked, Karen rubbed your back soothingly.
“No.” You sniffled, you were an absolute mess. But tonight was about having fun, not crying.
“Okay. Well, I can get Mary Beth and Sadie for you, I’m sure they’d love to see you again,” Tilly told you.
“Yeah, that’d be good for her.” Karen said for you. Tilly walked away, looking for your friends. You felt like every single eye was on you alone, and knowing Arthur was in that crowd made you feel somehow even worse.
“If Arthur tries anything, I’ll beat his ass for you,” Karen proclaimed. You knew she actually would. She grabbed your hand again, pulling you towards the kitchen.
“Come on. Let’s go get some more drinks!” She said over the noise of the party. You held your arm close to your chest, you didn’t want to be seen, especially not by Arthur.
You wanted to leave, but you didn’t want to disappoint Karen.
“Karen, my love!” Sean suddenly appeared. Sean. Fuck. He grabbed Karen by the waist. He mumbled something in her ear, they both looked at you.
“Heard what happened between you and the old brute. I’ll make sure to give him a good beating for breaking my girl’s heart!” Sean said, he was drunk as hell, slurring over his words already. Sean always knew how to party.
“Thanks, Sean,” You gave him a weak smile.
“I hate seeing you so down, where’s my fun girl?”
“I’m still here.”
“I know you are, but lighten up a little, will you?”
Karen scoffed, grabbing your hand again. Sean was left in dust, wondering what the hell he had said wrong, probably scratching his head.
“He can be such a jerk sometimes,” Karen told you.
“I know.”
You were supposed to have fun tonight, be sexy, live a little, but you couldn’t bring yourself to have fun, with the threat of your newly made ex surrounding you, you were on edge.
The breakup was messy. Arthur received a job out of state, and you were very contempt with your job now, promotions were suddenly coming steadily. You weren’t ready to restart your life in another state, away from everything you had ever known.
It had been a week, or two, you weren’t sure anymore. You were foolish to come to a mutual friend’s party.
He was here, and you were miserable, nearly drunk and crying.
Karen pulled you to the kitchen, she took your red cup, and poured it down the drain. She pulled a bottle of vodka from the counter, pouring you some in your cup.
“God, that stuff was awful. John doesn’t have good taste in alcohol,” Karen giggled, pouring more in your cup.
“It really was awful,” You laughed, your first real laugh the entire night. Karen smiled, handing you back your cup.
You took a sip, it burned, but it would do the trick.
The music boomed from the living room, you were tempted to dance, but not with a cup of vodka in your hand.
Karen grabbed a beer bottle from the cooler on the ground and opened it with a satisfying pop.
“What happens if he tries to talk to me?” You asked quietly.
“Then I’ll swoop up and go full mama bear on him. He won’t even know what will hit him.”
Just imagining Karen smack Arthur was a funny thought.
You sipped more of your vodka, feeling looser and looser. Atleast you weren’t quite as on edge as you were.
Arthur probably wouldn’t be dancing, he was never much for dancing, perhaps that would be safe to do. If he wasn’t dancing, or in the kitchen, where was he? Luckily Tilly’s house was big, she had worked like hell to get it. There was the basement of course, and the backyard bonfire. The dance floor seemed the only safe place.
“Can we go dancing?” You asked Karen.
“Sure, but let’s wait for Mary Beth and Sadie first,” She said, taking a long swig from her beer.
You watched the doorway to the kitchen, praying every person that walked in wouldn’t be him. It was unavoidable of course, but if you were able to put it off, you sure as hell would.
Mary Beth and Sadie entered. Mary Beth was beautiful, wearing a floral romper, black open toed sandals and wavy curls. Sadie was stunning as well, with her ripped jeans and band shirt, she was wearing a leather jacket too, however, not quite the same as Karen. Sadie had French braids in, and a new piercing on her ear it seemed.
Mary Beth gave you a tight hug.
“How are you doing?” She asked you.
“I’m fine, I guess. I heard Arthur’s here, which won’t be too good,” You shrugged, taking another sip from your cup.
Mary Beth’s shoulders went slack, she gave you a sympathetic look.
“We saw him earlier. He looks just as miserable, trust me,” Sadie told you with a wave of her hand. Karen handed her a beer.
“Karen and I will beat him up for you, trust me.” Sadie nudged Karen with her elbow.
“I know you guys will. Mary Beth and I will cheer you guys on from the sidelines,” You laughed again.
“Go Karen! Go Sadie! You beat Arthur Morgan up!” Mary Beth gave her peppiest cheer.
“Who’s beating up Arthur?” A voice asked from around the corner.
Dutch.
Sadie groaned, mumbling something under her breath.
“Be calm, my ladies. I’m just bringing my men some drinks, I’ll be gone soon enough,” He said dismissively.
“Where’s Arthur?” Sadie asked him, glaring at him as he pulled some beers from the cooler.
“Backyard with the rest of us. I’d avoid it if I was you, rest of the guys are cheering him up.”
“Cheering him up?” Karen scoffed.
“Last time I checked, he broke up with her.” She continued.
“That's none of my business.” Dutch gathered his beers and headed for the door.
“You ladies have a good night,” He said while leaving.
“We sure as hell will.” Sadie narrowed her eyes.
Karen and Mary Beth burst out with laughter.
“Let’s go dance!” Karen cheered, pulling you with her. Your cup of vodka was discarded at the kitchen counter.
The dance floor didn’t seem quite as menacing anymore, no wonder they called alcohol, liquid courage. Body’s swayed in the dark mass of people. The bright strobe lights were damn near blinding.
Karen and Mary Beth already began dancing, their arms moving to the tune, body’s swaying. Sadie wasn’t much of a dancer, but she seemed to like this song.
So why weren’t you dancing? You were motionless in the sea of people, your eyes wandering to the screen door that led to the backyard.
You couldn’t see out, but you knew he was there. The music seemed to fade away, almost like falling asleep. You were awake one moment, and you were in the realms of sleep moments later.
The outside looked like a portal, mysterious and intriguing. It was right there. He was right there. You could so easily walk out there and tell him how much you’ve missed him, praying he would take you back.
But Arthur didn’t want to see you. It was over, you were both finished.
It’s like your heart beat with him, like you could feel him just on the other side of the barrier between you.
Sadie shouting your name woke you up from your trance. It was somehow even more ear splitting than the deafening music.
“What?” You shouted over the music.
“Are you okay?” She responded, looking into your tear filled eyes.
“Can we go talk?”
Sadie nodded, pulling you aside, she led you through the crowd to the kitchen again. The only safe place in the house it seemed.
It was much quieter now. Your heart thrummed in your ear like a steady drum.
“Have you talked to Arthur at all?” Sadie asked, leaning against the counter.
“No, not since he broke up with me.” You bit your lip, the words came out choked.
“Well, I did. I talked to him yesterday. He’s not handling it very well. I know you want to talk to him,”
“What did he say?”
“For starters, he was drunk out of his mind. I had to swing by his apartment to make sure he didn’t die,” Sadie continued.
“Thank you for taking care of him, Sadie.”
“Yep. But, he was pretty much out of it. He mumbled a few things about you, I’d never seen him so distraught. I got him in bed though.”
You wiped away your tears, giving Sadie a hug. She always did give the best hugs.
“I think it would be in your best interest to talk to him. Maybe not tonight, but in the next few days. I think it would bring some closure for the both of you,” She told you.
“Yeah, I think so too. I’m just afraid, what if I can’t do it or he yells at me?” You felt weak, embarrassed that you were acting so fragile.
“Then, like I said, Karen and I will swoop in there.”
“Thank you Sadie, seriously. Where would I be without you?”
“Probably dead in all honesty.” She laughed.
You stared at her for a moment.
“Let’s go dance some more,” You said with newly found cheer.
This time, you led Sadie to the floor. Mary Beth and Karen were still dancing like the goddesses they are.
You swayed to the music, letting your body feel the music. You let go of worry for a moment's notice. The music was uplifting and fast, a song you could dance to.
Worries and fears melted away, in that moment, it was only you and the music. Nothing else mattered. You felt like the only person in the room, above all else.
Karen, Mary Beth, and Sadie were all elated to see you dance like no one was watching.
The song was coming to an end, and you felt yourself slow. Like your veins were stopping pushing blood through your body.
You were coming down from your high, your cloud nine experience. When the music finally stopped, you took in your surroundings. Looking towards the screen door, you saw him.
Arthur was there. In the corner. He was staring directly at you.
You instantly felt sick, you split through the crowd, racing to the front door. It was all too much.
The crowd was left behind, your friends shouting your name.
Anxiety filled your entire body like a virus, taking over every part of your being.
You reached the door, pulling it open, relishing the feeling of the cool air on your skin. It was too damn hot in that house. You slid against the porch, falling to the concrete with a thud.
Tears fell from your eyes freely. A thousand memories, a thousand thoughts rushed through your mind like a tsunami, forcefully upturning everything you had ever known. Your face felt hot, but the cool air felt absolutely wonderful on your hot skin. You tried wiping away the tears but they kept falling. It felt suffocating, like you were trapped in your own body.
The front door opened, letting the noise from the party enter your small slice of heaven. You looked up. Mary Beth, Sadie and Karen watched you with caring eyes.
“Arthur was just coming in for a beer,” Sadie said first.
You rested your head on your knees, looking up at your best friend’s.
“He really was. He didn’t know you were here,” Mary Beth continued.
“I think I just want to be alone right now,” You mumbled, staring out towards the deserted street.
“Alright, well, we’ll come check up on you in thirty minutes, okay?” Karen opened the door, looking at you one last time.
You nodded, continuing to stare at the street. You could see the lights from the city. Your home was there, everything you had ever known resided in that city. You wondered what would have happened if you went with Arthur to his new job, everything would be different, and you sure as hell wouldn’t be sitting on your friend’s porch crying your eyes out at a party.
Minutes passed as the tears rolled on. The lights twinkled from the city.
Arthur was hurting too, you remembered. Neither of you had much of a choice, you still loved him, as much as you didn’t want to, you did. Your heart ached at just the thought of him, your chest felt heavy.
You inhaled deeply, you shook with every breath. The tears kept coming. It was a mistake to come to this party, you would rather be at home in bed, with a bottle of whiskey and ice cream.
The door slowly pushed open. You didn’t bother looking up.
“Nice night, ain’t it?”
You froze, your heart pounding in your ears.
“Go away,” You said, your voice weak.
Arthur was silent, he leaned against the doorframe. You didn’t dare look at him.
“I know you don’t want to see me.”
This time, it was your turn to be silent. You allowed your head to fall against the wall. Arthur sat down next to you. You immediately felt your body tense up, like a big red warning sign was going off in your head.
“But we need to talk.”
“About what, Arthur? What could you possibly have to say to me?” You snapped at him. It was like the words weren’t even yours, anger consumed you.
“I don’t know. I guess that I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? You’re fucking sorry?” You stood up, brushing yourself off, turning away from him.
“You know I had no choice,” Arthur said, almost accusingly.
You scoffed bitterly, you turned to face him. His face shattered your heart, it was like his eyes were begging you to understand. Tears welled in your eyes again as you felt your anger crumble into sadness.
“Where did we go wrong?” You asked him, your bottom lip trembling. All you wanted was a hug, and him to tell you it was alright. You wanted him back in your bed, wanted him to hold you when things got rough, to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
“I don’t know,” Arthur said quietly. He looked as handsome as ever.
“I’m sorry, Arthur.” You slowly walked towards him, your hand reaching up like you were waiting for permission, your hand was right in front of his chest. He leaned into it, and pulled you into a hug.
You sobbed into his chest, it felt so good to just get it all out, he gently caressed your hair. The two of you stayed that way for what seemed like hours. His hug felt so secure, like you were exactly where you were supposed to be.
“I’ve missed you,” Arthur said. The single sentence held so much meaning, so much depth.
You let go off his warm body, looking directly into his eyes that seemed to peer right into your very soul. God, he was handsome.
“I’m not taking the job in Phoenix,” He said after a moment.
You lightly gasped.
“You’re not?”
Arthur shook his head.
“Why?”
“I realized there’s a lot more here for me than there is in Arizona.” Arthur reached out, and lightly held your chin, forcing you to look directly at him. You slowly leaned into him, your eyes fluttering shut.
It felt like the first time. He kissed you slowly, it was welcoming and intoxicating. Arthur felt like home. He was your home.
When he finally pulled away, his eyes looked like they were swirling, clouded with emotion.
“Can we just go back to normal?” You asked.
“I’ve never wanted anything more,” Arthur responded. He kissed you again, this time with less hesitance.
“I missed you too,” You said when he pulled away.
“I know.”
•••