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The weeks leading up to the day it ended were down right explosive. Argument upon argument, screaming until their lungs constricted and their breath fell short. The tiniest mishaps and mistakes seemed to band together, building up, like pouring gasoline into an already high fire, until everything goes up in flames...
...and comes crashing down around you.
Izuku.
If you had asked him what the most heartbreaking moment in his life was, he would lie.
He would lie and tell you it was when his father had left, or when his Obaasan passed away, But what it really was, what truly broke Izuku, were the three words spoken in a quiet, tired voice,
'I’m leaving, Izuku '.
10:14pm
Pacing back and forth and walking holes into the dirty apartment carpet, he couldn't stop it.
His hands reaching up to pull on strands of tangled hair, an anxious habit, he couldn't stop it.
The jarring and racing thoughts rampaged inside his skull screaming to be acted upon, he couldn't stop it.
His best friend, the love he fought oh so long and hard for, Katsuki... the one he'd have to let go of, to allow to love without him, and... he couldn't stop it.
3:28am
Sobs racked his already exhausted and fragile body, kept quiet by shaking hands and duvets doused in his (ex) lovers scent. Shadows swarmed in his head, twisted and disfigured, morphed into the monsters he feared most.
He thought of how he and Katsuki used to sit on opposite sides of the old worn couch only to end up in a mess of tangled limbs and goofy dimpled smiles by days' end.
He thought of how they once spent a frosting Sunday evening wrapped up in Izuku's bed, talking for hours upon hours about how they imagined their future together.
(The lives they would have lived.)
He thought back to the day Katsuki had told him what his vows would sound like the day they’d get married, when he had pulled Izuku by the hand into a dance, pressed chest to chest, heart to heart, relaying what he had learnt in French,
“Et si jamais nous devions nous séparer, je t'attendrai, là où le ciel rencontre la mer et le coucher de soleil embrasse l'eau. Tant qu'il le faut, nerd"
(“And if we should ever part, I will wait for you, where the sky meets the sea and the sunset kisses the water. As long as it takes, nerd")
“Why French?” he’d asked. Teary eyed.
“Have to get my practice in you know, our honeymoon will be in the city of love after all” Katsuki hummed.
(They shared a smile. oh so soft and private, with only those four walls as witness.)
After hours subjected to the numbing torture of his thoughts and falling victim to the pull, his eyelids slipped shut, finally taken hostage by sleep.
7:43pm
Blinking awake to the soft glow of the setting sun and feeling the bite of winter air on his nose, Izuku lay in his bed feeling worse than he'd ever thought possible. The constant reminder of his (ex) lover resides above his head, as though it were a permanent rain cloud.
Never, in all his years of knowing Katsuki, would he have imagined he could continue walking, talking, breathing, without calling him his best friend. Never would've imagined he'd have to let go, and one day see him happy without Izuku by his side.
(Katsuki would always be his best friend,
but maybe he wasn't always meant to be Katsuki's.)
Time ticking by, growing louder and louder, suffocating him. Reminding him of the vows he'd been told -no, promised. Breathless seconds and heaving minutes. Panicking moments.
Endless, you said our love was endless.
If we were endless, then where did we go? Where has our love gone Katsuki?
(why did it end?)
Katsuki
Do you remember... Izuku?
Do you remember when we used to dance by the refrigerator light through the early hours of the morning?
I do.
(I still remember your favourite song.)
Do you remember the night I asked you what you think our lives would be like if we hadn't met all those years ago?
I do.
(you told me you couldn't bare the thought.)
Do you remember when I told you I was ending this,
when I told you I was ending us?
Because Izuku... I do.
(I could never forget the look on your face.)
Heartbreak.
One month earlier…
6:12am
Katsuki sat on the window ledge, scolding cup in hand, the burn is grounding he thinks. Watching the sun rise, painting remnants of night shades of amber and pink. Shuffling roused him from his drifted state, though he should have expected it, expected him, to leave the bedroom at some point. But maybe Katsuki wasn't ready. He wasn't prepared to see Izuku,to see him so... so broken.
It was choking him, Katsuki couldn't breathe. Izuku was standing there, but he looked mindless, his eyes glazed, lifeless almost.
It was as if a button had been pressed, a dial was meddled with, turned up higher. The tension was unbearable, dripping off every surface and leaking out of every crevice in the apartment. No longer could they ignore it.
Ignore the glances thrown when one wasn't looking.
(Please look at me.)
please...
Ignore how the wind seemed to carry away the silent wishes.
(Why can't you hear me?)
we can get through this…
No longer could they ignore how their once endless love has turned sour, twisted and molded into a seeming eternity of pain and suffering.
( I can't do this alone.)
Can’t we…?
Maybe someday they could fix this, Katsuki thought, get back to what they use to be, but in that moment…
he had to get out before it broke beyond repair.
(everything had gone up in flames, he couldn't bare to see what remained when the ash settled.)
“I’m leaving, Izuku”
Two years later.
Heavy footsteps resounded on rain-soaked sidewalk, puddles bursting into millions of microscopic raindrops. It had been a long time coming, after two years of being apart, he was finally going back to his home. Back to Izuku.
Three rhythmic knocks and twenty-four sock clad footsteps was all it took.
The door opens and the air escapes his lips sharply. A warm embrace, bursting hearts and breathless whispers,
'I never break a promise, nerd'
'welcome home, Kacchan'
-
If someone were to ask what it's like to be in love the answer will never remain the same nor simple.
Painful. Torture. crazy. Beautiful. Suffocating. Warm. Comfortable. Inevitable. Thrilling. Terrifying.
For love does not only consist of smiles and warm summer nights under star-tainted skies.
Love will break you down and beat an already bruised heart, it will heal said heart. Toy with it and smother it with affection.
To love someone so completely would be like containing everything within you, your soul, your heart, your faith, in a bottle and throwing it out to sea on a one-off chance it will end up in the right hands.
Hands that will be oh so soft and gentle, a smile so big and bright it could rival the sun, crowfeet and all. Eyes of shades no human thought possible, so pure and full of life enough to rival a breathtaking sunset over a vast ocean.
A body so perfect, no matter the size, color nor height could stop from seducing even the most holy into sin, a voice so perfect they could rival the call of a siren.
Love knows no bounds, no good nor bad will stop the flow through your veins bringing heat to your cheeks, the pulsing in your ears bringing panic to your mind, the rush of giving it your all.
For love in its entirety is enough to rival the stars setting the galaxy alight.
(no star the same, but breathtakingly beautiful and deadly nonetheless.)
Enough to rival,
Heartbreak.