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Flickers of crimson catch at the edges of Yoongi's vision. 1:48 AM burns neon red from the LED clock on the nightstand table. Yoongi's phone screen glows as the only other source of light. The artificial light's set at a dim level, so his sleeping roommate isn't disturbed. Shadows flicker across Yoongi's face every so often as he types and scrolls.
After a reflective moment, Yoongi glances over to his left. Even in the dark bedroom, Yoongi can trace the contour of Jungkook's silhouette. Last time Yoongi looked over, Jungkook was sleeping on his front. God knows how he breathes with his face buried into the pillow. Now, Jungkook lays on his back with a leg thrown outside the blanket. Yoongi watches the steady rise and fall of the maknae's chest. Everything is silent except for the soft sounds of rainfall and Jungkook's breathing. There's comfort in seeing Jungkook sleep even when Yoongi can't.
Sleep is rarely kind to Yoongi. Maybe it's insomnia. Maybe it's just his mind being too damned loud. White static roars 24/7 between Yoongi's ears. He's learned to live with it, because what other choice does he have? But as the day grows darker, the static grows louder.
Namjoon struggles with carrying a similar unwanted radio. Memories flicker through Yoongi's mind. He hears echoes of Namjoon's amused, yet tired drawl: "Sleep no more! Macbeth does murder sleep." Only Namjoon can quote Shakespeare without being pretentious. It led to a long discussion of what they've murdered for sleep to be taken. Which parts of themselves have they killed over time? What have they sacrificed to shape these identities shown to the world? Yoongi's ribcage tightens while recalling the sight of Namjoon getting that far-off, desolate look. Even if Namjoon bears the reputation of being a steadfast beacon of light, Yoongi knows that Namjoon's haunted by invisible ghosts and demons as well.
Luckily, the volume of Namjoon's internal radio dials lower with Seokjin's comfort. Never fully silent, but quiet enough for Namjoon to sleep a few hours. Although there's two beds in their room, Namjoon and Seokjin tend to share a bed. Seokjin quells the storm in Namjoon's mind. Meanwhile, Namjoon gives his boyfriend the kindness and care Seokjin struggles to give himself.
Taehyung, Jimin and Hoseok also combined two beds, so they can fall asleep together. Sometimes when passing by their closed bedroom, Yoongi hears muffled laughter and sweet words. But there are nights when Yoongi hears cracking voices and stifled sobs. Only reason Yoongi may not knock on the door is out of respecting their privacy. And Yoongi trusts that Taehyung, Jimin and Hoseok will reach out when needed.
While Yoongi counts time with the rise and fall of Jungkook's chest, he wonders if they should just always share a bed. Nights begin on their respective sides of the room. But one way or another, they draw in closer until curled up in each other's arms. Yoongi doesn't know when this gravitational pull sparked between them. Just like how he doesn't know if he should be comforted by it, or fucking terrified of it.
Once his gaze returns to the phone, Yoongi resumes tapping away at the keypad. During these sleepless nights, he writes raps, lyrics, poetry, journal entries, whatever the Hell else. It's an odd hybrid stream of consciousness that's more nonsense than anything coherent. Silently, Yoongi muses over what he's written so far. At first, he glosses over catastrophic typos. Who gives a fuck when only his eyes see most of this? But eventually, he sighs quietly. Similar to how Yoongi needs the bedroom to be clean, and all kitchenware to be organized by size, Yoongi needs to fix the typos. After editing, he reads from the beginning.
Even hedgehogs with their armor of sharp quills need warmth. In the winter, they seek each other. But if they get too close, they risk getting hurt. Stay too far, they suffer from the harsh cold.
Since childhood, I've accepted a lifetime of winter. There's sparks of warmth from my brothers. I'm less worried about getting hurt by anyone else. But I'm afraid of hurting other people. Fucking them up beyond repair.
Especially you.
You're not fragile. You're not weak. You're one of the strongest people I know. And you're also someone who's genuinely good and pure. Someone who carries light inside. You're the sun.
Yet *you* keep drawing to *me* like a moth. Even after you've seen my scars-- figurative and literal.
All you've ever done is give me love. Even when I couldn't (and sometimes still can't) love myself. My life isn't only winter anymore. You teach me what spring feels like. Somedays, I can feel a garden growing inside.
Even though I'm fucking terrified of hurting you in some way-- I want to stand by your side. I want to protect you. I want to keep you warm.
Please, let me love you.
"Fuck."
The swear escapes under Yoongi's breath. It's easily drowned out by rain hitting the windows. A burning sensation sweeps through Yoongi's chest, gradually escalating with intensity. Yoongi lets the phone fall on the bed, and throws a forearm over his eyes. While tightening his jaw, Yoongi bites back a frustrated sound.
Too much truth and vulnerability bleed through this clusterfuck of spilled ink. Only after reading does Yoongi realize he's fallen back into the pattern of writing to Jungkook. This is just one of many pieces accumulated over the years. Yoongi never explicitly writes Jungkook's name. But everyone in Bangtan (other than Jungkook) fucking knows who Yoongi writes for.
When Yoongi gets wasted with anyone except Jungkook, he reads from the Pandora's Box of his phone. Sober Yoongi reads raps and lyrics and existential rambling. Drunk Yoongi reads love letters that are clearly for their maknae. It could be endearing. But it leans towards heartbreaking, since Yoongi absolutely refuses to confess, and everyone watches him repeatedly fall apart.
"Why won't you tell him?" Namjoon passes over a cup of black coffee. "I'm not demanding you to. Just help me to understand. Please."
While running a hand through his hair, Yoongi expels a heavy sigh. His head still aches with the remnants of a hangover. "I'm his hyung." Dull eyes stare too pensively into the coffee. It's as if the black liquid holds all the answers to the universe. However Yoongi only feels more lost when seeing his own reflection. "He trusts me so damned much. And I'm grateful for that. So, I just--" Yoongi's grasp on the mug tightens. Skin stretches taut white over knuckles. "I don't want to take advantage. Make him feel pressured. Anything fucked up like that."
"Mmm." Seokjin nods in understanding while playing with Namjoon's hair. "I was conflicted for a long time about having feelings for Namjoon. But Yoongi-- you have to remember that Jungkook's a grown adult. He can make his own decisions. And the fact that you're so concerned and self-aware already shows that you wouldn't do Jungkook any harm. That's just not who you are."
After a contemplative moment, Namjoon asks quietly, "There's more to it, right?"
Yoongi draws in a shaky breath, then looks off to the side. "He deserves someone better." The words splinter through a tired smile. Vaguely, Yoongi waves at his own head. "I'm still broken here. And it's not Jungkook's or anyone else's responsibility to fix me. Fuck. I just--" The heel of Yoongi's hand digs into his upper thigh. Black denim conceals the ugliness underneath. "I can't- I can't put so much weight on him. Or you guys. Or anyone. I- I--"
The coffee's gently taken from his trembling hands. Two pairs of arms hold him. Seokjin and Namjoon reassure Yoongi that he's not broken, that he's enough, that he's loved. Although Yoongi can't find the strength to return the embrace, he still leans into their warmth. Tears fall in near silence as his eyes close. Exhales waver with faint sobs. It's already exhausting to fight a war in his mind everyday. But when there's also a battle in his heart, Yoongi's on the brink of burning out.
He's grateful how neither Seokjin nor Namjoon comment on his crying. It's not that Yoongi ever thinks any less of someone for crying, or perceives it as a sign of weakness. But Yoongi just detests it when he's the one crying. Gently, Seokjin dries his damp face. Namjoon relaxes Yoongi's clenched fists, so blunt nails don't dig into his palms.
"Have you ever heard of the Hedgehog's Dilemma?" Seokjin brings up.
"Founded by philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer," recites Yoongi while glancing at Namjoon. "Popularized by Freud."
Seokjin's laughter carries across the room. "Namjoon told you about it too, huh? When he first shared it with me, he even drew cute little diagrams." Still endeared by the memory, Seokjin kisses his boyfriend's cheek. "Nobody does philosophy and psychology like you, babe."
"Thanks, love." Namjoon brushes his lips against Seokjin's temple. "But I gotta give some credit to Neon Genesis Evangelion. That's where I first learned about it, then did some research. Fell into a wild rabbit hole."
"Evangelion's amazing." Laughing, Yoongi wipes at his eyes. "But yeah, what about the dilemma?"
Seokjin smiles fondly. "I know it can be scary. But you can still choose to get closer to Jungkook." He brushes the fringe out of Yoongis' eyes. "Don't stay forever in winter. There's more to life than that. You deserve good things, Yoongi."
"And I'm sure Jungkook wants some of your warmth too," Namjoon adds with encouragement. He holds onto Yoongi's hand tighter. "You're already brave enough to do this."
Abrupt rustling of fabric catches Yoongi's attention. His arm draws away from tired eyes. After all these years, Yoongi knows the difference between Jungkook rolling over to get comfortable versus Jungkook tensing from a nightmare. At sound of Jungkook's hitching inhale, it's the latter. Quickly, Yoongi slips out of bed, and crosses to the opposite side. As Yoongi draws closer, he sees Jungkook's stricken expression.
"Jungkook," Yoongi whispers in the dark. He sits down on the edge of the bed, and turns on the nightstand lamp. Soft amber light wards off the nearest shadows. "Hey, Jungkook, wake up-"
Staccatos punctuate the once steady rhythm of Jungkook's breathing. Pained sounds splinter in-between. Clutching tightly at the sheets, Jungkook's frame grows rigid. He buries his face into the pillow. But it does little to stifle ragged breathing. "N-no-- please-" Vocal chords tighten like cables on the brink of breaking. He gasps for oxygen that won't go into his lungs.
Yoongi's chest seizes with a violent rush of acidic concern. What plagues Jungkook like this almost every night? With a troubled grimace, Yoongi shakes the younger man's shoulder. "Jungkook, wake up, c'mon, wake--"
A sharp inhale cuts the air as Jungkook's eyes snap open. Cold terror wavers in his wide gaze. With a strangled sound, Jungkook grabs onto Yoongi's arm. The vice grip borders on bruising, but Yoongi doesn't mind. He understands the need to feel something real after such a harrowing experience. Tremors from Jungkook's hand travel up the older man's arm like shockwaves.
"H-hyung--" Jungkook's voice scratches its way out of his throat. Held back tears glimmer under the amber light. "Hyung, I-" The heaviness of sleep coupled with suffocating fear shatter his tone.
Hushing gently, Yoongi sweeps the bangs out of Jungkook's eyes. "It's okay. You're safe here." Exhaustion from sleep deprivation gives Yoongi's voice a coarse texture. But he softens the edges. For Jungkook, Yoongi digs deep for whatever gentleness still exists inside. "Nothing and no one will hurt you." He reaches for Jungkook's hand. Even if Jungkook holds so tightly that it almost hurts, Yoongi only squeezes his hand back. "I'll protect you, Jungkook. I promise."
Overwhelmed by the unconditional kindness, Jungkook's tears finally spill over. Yoongi wipes the tears away, hushing softly at times. Jungkook buries his face against Yoongi's side, and clings onto him like a life line. The bedroom fills with harsh, staggered breathing. Heartache resonates in Yoongi while witnessing Jungkook careen towards a panic attack.
"I've got you," Yoongi reassures as he lays down. One arm circles around Jungkook. His other hand pulls the blankets over both of them. With their bodies so close, Yoongi feels the frantic racing of Jungkook's heartbeat, and the stuttering of malfunctioning lungs.
"Breathe with me. In and out."
Yoongi sets the pace with his own breathing. Their bodies press flush, so Jungkook can feel the rise and fall of Yoongi's chest. The rainstorm guides them. Slowly, Jungkook's breathing evens out.
"Perfect. Just like that." Yoongi draws soothing circles on the space between Jungkook's shoulder blades. "You're doing great."
Melting at the praise, Jungkook curls up against Yoongi, and nuzzles into his neck. A surge of protectiveness has Yoongi tightening the embrace. His fingers run through the younger man's hair.
"How does it feel?" Yoongi's hand rests over Jungkook's ribcage.
"Still kinda burns--" Jungkook draws in a slow breath, then lets out an even slower exhale. "But I can breathe again." There's a smile in his voice. "Thanks, hyung."
"Any time." Yoongi helps pull the sleeves down over Jungkook's arms, since they rode up earlier. "Stay warm, yeah?"
Softly, Jungkook laughs. The pure sound trickles through the dim-lit bedroom. He nuzzles Yoongi while murmuring more gratitude. It dawns upon Yoongi that Jungkook's wearing one of his hoodies. Since a lot of Yoongi's clothes are overlarge on him, they still fit comfortably on Jungkook. Yoongi always leaves his wardrobe open to the other members. With the intense lives they lead as idols, any small comfort is meaningful.
Yoongi assumes that's why Jungkook wears this choker necklace to bed, or even when they're at home in general. His fingers trace over the top edge of the simple black band. With each stroke, Jungkook relaxes a little more. Yoongi fights the impulse to trace the fabric with his lips.
"Are Jungkook and you finally together?"
Yoongi would've tripped over his own feet if he wasn't already collapsed on the ground. It's only Yoongi, Hoseok, Taehyung and Jimin practicing in the dance studio right now. Physical exhaustion doesn't compare with Taehyung's question punching a goddamned crater into Yoongi's chest. Through a mess of dyed blonde bangs, Yoongi stares at the ceiling, and answers, "No."
Yoongi's sight of the ceiling interrupts with Taehyung. "But the choker necklace he wears like–– all the time at home. And to bed." Blinking curiously, Taehyung tilts his head. "That's the one you got him, right?"
"Yeah."
"It's really lovely, hyung," Jimin chimes in with a smile. He sits down to join them. "And Jungkook adores it."
"He's always preening over it." Taehyung grins boyishly. "Just like how we love anything Hoseok hyung gets for us."
"You two always deserve the best." Hoseok gives a kiss to Taehyung and Jimin each. After passing around water bottles, Hoseok sits down. His boyfriends curl up against him. Jimin rests his head in Hoseok's lap, and Taehyung nuzzles against the man's shoulder. "Don't drink water while lying down," Hoseok says as he pokes Yoongi's arm. "Remember what happened last time? Almost drowned yourself."
While Taehyung and Jimin break into a fit of laughter, Yoongi sits up. He can't even be disgruntled when seeing the others so happy. "Thanks." Yoongi takes a long sip. His gaze drifts to his reflection on the wall mirror. "Also-- just because Jungkook wears that choker necklace doesn't mean that-...you know--" Yoongi tugs at his own hair in frustration. Jesus Christ. Talking about his romantic feelings is like pulling teeth. One by one. Slowly. "He's not into me. Not the way I'm into him."
"Do you know for sure though?" Hoseok asks in a level tone. "Have you guys actually talked about it?"
With a heavy sigh, Yoongi collapses again. That alone is an answer. Taehyung whacks the water bottle against Yoongi's abdomen.
"You gotta talk to him!" Another whack. "This isn't a kdrama. Don't make this hard by not communicating." One more whack. "Or else we're going to lock you two in a closet until you hash things out."
Groaning, Yoongi rolls onto his side. He grumbles less when Hoseok brushes back his hair. Similar to Namjoon and Seokjin, Hoseok has a calming effect. Meanwhile, Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin are manifestations of the sun. And Yoongi's just still an angsty mess. A black cloud of scribbles with some fangs drawn in.
Everyone's getting their shit together as they grow older. Why isn't Yoongi? How can Yoongi even think of being anything more for Jungkook when he's still a train wreck?
Yoongi holds no shame in letting rage and grief thrive through his art. It's cathartic. He'd rather rap about the shit going on inside than revert to his days of punching walls, and burning his lungs out with nicotine. But in the context of personal relations, there's chance of collateral damage. He can't even take a step towards Jungkook without immediately taking a million steps back.
Since when did Yoongi become a coward?
"We can almost hear you thinking," Jimin says with a soft, kind smile. "If not anything, you should talk with Jungkook, so you don't have to keep carrying this inside."
"No matter what happens, we're with you." Hoseok stands up, then holds his hand out to Yoongi. "Yeah?"
While taking in the unconditional love, Yoongi breathes out slowly. "Yeah."
As Yoongi takes Hoseok's hand, Jimin and Taehyung help him as well. Yoongi blocks another incoming whack of the water bottle from Taehyung. He snatches it, then retaliates by throwing the plastic at him. Taehyung shrieks melodramatically in faux pain. Hoseok throws his arms up in exasperation. Jimin laughs brightly. Even with heaviness in his chest, Yoongi feels himself trying to smile.
There's a lull of silence accompanied by ongoing rain. Yoongi counts time again with the steady rhythm of Jungkook's breathing. He pauses when that rhythm breaks with a cracking inhale.
"I'm sorry, hyung," Jungkook whispers against Yoongi's collar bone. A fragile nature surfaces in Jungkook's voice. It's only heard when he's alone with Yoongi during nights like this. Jungkook burrows more against the older man. "I...I keep waking you up. It's like-- the fourth night in a row. I should-" Suddenly, Jungkook tries to sit up. "I should just sleep in the living room, or maybe I--"
"Stay."
Jungkook stares. It may sound like a command at first. But it's more of a quiet plea. And everyone knows that Yoongi almost never tells anyone to stay. After going through life with burning bridges left and right, Yoongi tries not to hold onto anyone too tightly. The vulnerability seeping through the cracks of Yoongi's armor hits Jungkook hard. His breath stutters as Yoongi caresses the side of his face.
"I want you right here, okay? There's nothing to apologize for." A hint of a smile brushes across Yoongi's lips. "Anyways, I was already awake. Writing some ridiculous nonsense on my phone."
"You mean pure genius."
With a quiet flustered laugh, Yoongi shakes his head. "C'mon." He tugs on Jungkook's sleeve. "Get comfy."
One more tug on Jungkook's sleeve is all it takes for him to lay down. A soft sound of joy escapes as he's pulled in closer. After another moment of easy silence, Jungkook says, "Thanks for being understanding, hyung."
"Of course, dude." Yoongi plays with Jungkook's soft locks. He's entranced by how the strands sift through his fingers. "And you've been understanding when my depression sinks low." Out of habit, Yoongi tries to isolate himself during those times. But Jungkook always has a way of getting close to him. "You give the best cuddles."
A smile shows through on Jungkook's face. Even in the dull light of the bedroom lamp, there's a scintillated luster to his warm gaze. "You mean like this?" Jungkook tackles Yoongi until the older male's pinned on his back. His face buries into Yoongi's neck and shoulder. Aggressive nuzzling is only the start of showering Yoongi with affection.
Yoongi's laughter muffles against Jungkook's hoodie. Now, all of his clothes carry the maknae's comforting scent. "Yeah. Like that." Something inside Yoongi thaws when they're together. The immense weight in his chest alleviates for a few, blissful moments.
His calloused hands massage Jungkook's arms. Yoongi knows that Jungkook experiences muscle aches when his anxiety flares. "Wanna talk about it?" Yoongi's not intentionally trying to kill the light-hearted mood. But he's never one to sweep other people's struggles under the carpet. "Your dream. Or the anxiety."
"There's not much to say," Jungkook admits in a quiet mumble. "I never remember what-...what I was dreaming about. Sometimes, it's just-- dark. Not anything to see. And-" With a strained intake of air, Jungkook curls in on himself." The- the anxiety-- It's just...one of those times when it's--...very present."
Rain fills the silence as Yoongi takes this in. His fingers continue to run through Jungkook's hair. "It must be really tough, Jungkook. But I'm so proud of you for enduring it. Even just doing that is amazing."
Yoongi catches a glimpse of Jungkook looking up at him. There's such pure adoration in those eyes. It always takes Yoongi off guard even after spending so many years together.
"I learned it from you, hyung," Jungkook says softly. He's breathless from the overwhelming admiration rising inside. "Even when you're struggling, you still breathe."
Jungkook's hand brushes over Yoongi's upper thigh. It's one of the few places on his body Yoongi hides from the overly scrutinizing entertainment industry. The area's marred and ugly, because Yoongi made it that way. It's always going to be a graveyard of shame. But Jungkook's gentle touch has Yoongi wondering differently. Perhaps there's still something pure buried underneath.
"You make me want to learn how to breathe." The confession nearly collapses in on itself. Tonight, Yoongi can't hide the eroded, fractured tone. It's soul-deep weariness from one too many fights against demons. "You make me-...want a lot of things, Jungkook."
Before Yoongi can backtrack, and try to change the subject, Jungkook blinks curiously at him. "Like what, hyung?"
Yoongi holds his breath. "Like-- wanting to be a little braver," he admits with a brittle laugh. 'Brave enough to stay for more sunrises,' a voice whispers in his mind. 'Because I'm so fucking terrified of being alive.' Yoongi doesn't have it in him to elaborate right now. Everyone in Bangtan knows that Yoongi passively contemplates death. There's only so much therapy can do. But it's rare for Yoongi to speak openly about it. Not out of a lack of trust. But from not wanting to burden everyone else.
Yet the way Jungkook looks at Yoongi shows that he understands. He reaches for the other's hand. "Hyung, you're already so brave. And strong. And kind. I just-" Jungkook struggles to breathe. Not from anxiety or pain. But from all-encompassing joy. "No matter how scary the nightmares get, I'm happy to see you when I wake up."
Yoongi engraves those words into his mind. They're more beautiful than any lyric or rap or poetry Yoongi can write. His eyes close as Jungkook nuzzles him. It earns a hushed laugh out of the older male. It's a sound Jungkook loves, so he nuzzles Yoongi even more.
They strive to be quiet. It's not as if the walls are paper thin. But they try to be respectful to everyone else that's sleeping. Yoongi stifles laughter with his sleeve. But then Jungkook draws his arm away, and brushes his nose against Yoongi's cheek.
"Jesus--" Yoongi tries to catch his breath. "How the Hell are you so cute this late at night-"
When Yoongi turns his head, Jungkook moves too. He ghosts over the corner of Yoongi's mouth. Lips almost brush.
They freeze.
For years, they've shared soft intimacy. So, how come their hearts race so wildly from a near kiss? Why does this feel like they're diving into unknown territory?
Yoongi already knows the answer. Hundreds of love letters in his phone can testify to that.
"Hyung--" Jungkook whispers in the dark. "What do you really want?"
Never has Yoongi heard such raw vulnerability in Jungkook's voice. Fear trembles through the notes. Every survival instinct in Yoongi screams at him to draw back. Safer route is to let the almost kiss slide, and never speak of tonight again. Fall back into the familiar comfort of platonic intimacy bordering right on the edge of something different. What they've had until now is more than Yoongi could have ever hoped for.
But as Yoongi watches Jungkook's eyes shutter, and the young man curl in on himself, Yoongi begins to realize what else his best friends were trying to say. Yoongi shouldn't only tell the truth for himself. But for Jungkook who's been just as lost and afraid in this Limbo of uncertainty.
"I-" Jungkook hesitates, then strains a smile. "Nevermind, Hyung, it's oka-"
"I want you."
A hurricane of emotions flicker through Jungkook's eyes. For once, Yoongi can't get a good read on him. Or maybe that's because Yoongi's vision blurs with surfacing tears.
"I want- I want to be by your side, Jungkook. And to take care of you. And make you happy. And-- and love you. I just-" Yoongi's own chest tightens with swelling anxiety. Rap flows smoothly from him, but apparently, Yoongi can't spit out a confession without tripping over himself. "I tried to not fall for you. But I can't stop. I'm sorry."
Jungkook's expression gives way to confusion and hurt. "Why?" he asks quietly. "Did I...do something wrong...?"
"No!" Yoongi says a little too quickly, then swallows hard. With a shaky hand, Yoongi guides Jungkook's wrist until his palm rests over Yoongi's upper thigh. "It's me. I'm wrong. Here--" Yoongi presses the hand down on hidden scars, "--is nothing compared to what goes on in my head. I don't- I can't put that on you. Or anyone-"
Jungkook's thumb runs over a scar under the fabric. He knows where all of Yoongi's scars are, even if he's only seen glimpses. There's only tenderness to his touch. More burning tears sting at the corners of Yoongi's eyes.
"You're not wrong, Hyung." Jungkook doesn't take his hand away. "Or broken. Or whatever else you may be thinking. You never asked for any of this pain." With his other arm, Jungkook holds Yoongi tighter. "I want you too. And I mean all of you, hyung." He draws in closer. "Can I kiss you?"
Yoongi's eyes widen before they soften with warmth. He tries to smile. But in this moment, tears decide to fall. Yet Yoongi still nods.
Jungkook closes the space between them by pressing their lips together. The kiss is soft, gentle and kind. All things Yoongi has never felt deserving of, yet Jungkook keeps giving to him. They kiss slowly to savor each other. Yoongi lets Jungkook set the pace, so that he doesn't overwhelm the maknae.
But as Jungkook's fingers tighten in his hair, the kiss deepens. The beginning of a forest fire sparks between them. Suddenly, Jungkook pins Yoongi on his back. Yoongi's heart gets thrown at the walls of his ribcage. Buried hunger breaks free as Yoongi parts his lips, inviting Jungkook inside. They feel each other's heartbeats through flush chests. Only when their lungs ache for air does the kiss break. Yet their mouths keep colliding for more.
"Hyung, I wanted you for so long. For years," Jungkook gasps between eager, hungry kisses. "I just- wow--" Breathless laughter causes his eyes to shine brighter. "Can'tbelieveyouwantmetoo."
Yoongi's been with Jungkook long enough to understand the mess of words. His lips brush against Jungkook's temple. "Same. It's just--" He holds Jungkook tighter. "I'm your hyung. I didn't want you to feel pressured. Or just-- maybe I'd fuck you up somehow."
Lips curve into a fond smile against Yoongi's throat. Jungkook lightly presses another kiss. "It means a lot that you'd watch out for me like that. But I'm an adult." With forearms on either side of Yoongi, Jungkook props himself up. "And-- it's not like anyone else that's together in our group are the same age." He blinks when his brain catches up. "I mean- I--"
"You. Me. Together," Yoongi murmurs, almost to himself. As Yoongi thinks on it, he smiles softly. His hands drift down Jungkook's back. "Has a nice ring to it. Yeah?"
Jungkook blinks back tears while returning Yoongi's smile. "Yeah."
They lay in silence together for a few moments. Just taking all of this in. Breathing together. Yoongi's fingers sift through Jungkook's hair. His mind threatens to brew another storm of anxious thoughts and worst-case scenarios. But as Yoongi counts time again with Jungkook's breathing and the rain, he knows deep down that they'll be alright.
"We have a day off tomorrow for once," Yoongi brings up. "I-"
"Yes."
Yoongi blinks. "What?"
Resting his head on Yoongi's chest, Jungkook looks up at him. "Yes, I'll go on a date with you." After being met with a wide-eyed stare, Jungkook almost falters. "Oh, uhm-- am I going too fast?"
Laughter breaks free from Yoongi. He can't stifle it in time. But something tells him that if any of their friends hear, they won't mind. "I was gonna say I think you should sleep in. But yeah--" Yoongi kisses Jungkook's forehead. "Let's go on a date."
Even at night, Yoongi still gets to see the sun. It's there in Jungkook's smile, in his eyes, in his laughter. Jungkook hugs Yoongi tightly with another round of nuzzling, now accompanied by kisses. Yoongi returns the soft affection. His body doesn't burn as much under his clothes. For once, he can breathe without each inhale taking everything out of him. And like he's wanted for so long, Yoongi traces the black strip around Jungkook's throat with his lips. When he reaches that precious pulse, Yoongi closes his eyes. He swears to commit this rhythm to memory.
Their bodies shift under the blankets until their limbs tangle just right. Hands reach for each other. Fingers intertwine.
Jungkook smiles against the corner of Yoongi's mouth. "Promise me you'll be here in the morning?"
Yoongi catches Jungkook's lips in a kiss. "I promise."