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Guide on How to be a Good Dark Lord

Summary:

To say that the first months of their arrival in Yiling Burial Mounds is tough is an understatement. The first day after Jiang Cheng denounced him and cut all ties of Yunmeng Jiang with him, Wei Wuxian finally realized the weight he had brought upon himself. He makes a contract with a demon, and proceeds to change the world’s destiny.

Eh, the Wens are going to be slaughtered? Easy, make a barrier around Yilling!

Eh, the Jins are going to lay siege on him? Easy, just trap them to another location!

Eh, the honourable HanGuang-Jun is after him?

Eh, the honourable HanGuang-Jun wants to sleep with him?

Eh, you’re telling me that I’ve been flirting with HanGuang-Jun all this time?

LWJ: You’ve bent me. Take responsibility.
WWX: … What are you talking about… I’m just trying to shed as little blood as possible here...

Chapter 1: You’re going to give me immortality? I don’t need it! Give me more!

Summary:

aka WWX bluffing his way with a demon

Notes:

some terms here:
shushu = uncle
shidi = junior martial brother
Luanzhang Hill = Yilling Burial Mounds (see https://modao-zushi.fandom.com/wiki/Burial_Mounds)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“Xian-gege!”

Wei Wuxian is in the middle of attempting to clean his newly built lotus pond when A-Yuan barrels into his back without warning, making him almost fall into the pond, before Wen Ning steadies him with a soft cry of, “Young Master!”

Wei Wuxian tries to steady his quick heartbeat – from almost falling into the lotus pond – and flashes a shaky smile towards Wen Yuan. “Ah, what is it, A-Yuan?”

Wen Yuan flashes him a blinding toothy smile in return, and shoves a jade stone into his chest unceremoniously. “I found this while playing outside with Ning-shushu over there!” He pointed into a certain direction behind Wei Wuxian, although judging from Wen Ning’s expression, they did not find it in that direction.

“Eh, what is it that you found?” Wei Wuxian indulges him nevertheless, and examines the jade stone carefully.

It is quite an interesting jade, Wei Wuxian thinks idly. Parents usually give a jade stone to their newly born child, that can give them protection and simultaneously track their whereabouts. Only rich families can purchase jade stone though, since its price is almost sky high; and richer families can also choose to crave a protection rune over it – or crave their family’s insignia instead, like the Jin family .

The jade stone Wen Yuan found is quite peculiar. It has a strange rune over one side, and a strange bat drawing on the other side. Wei Wuxian never knows a family that has a bat as their family’s insignia. Moreover, based on the quality of the jade stone and the rune, or the bat craving on both sides, it is quite clear that the quality of the jade stone is top notch. If a family can purchase or make this jade stone, there is no way for Wei Wuxian to not know the family’s name, since they must be super rich to make this kind of jade stone.

“Interesting”, he thinks idly as he cleans the dirt from the jade stone. “Where exactly did you find this, A-Yuan?” Maybe there is more in the corpse’s body that can be used to identify the family they came from.

Wen Yuan beams even more. “I can take you there, Xian-gege! Come, come!”

The Ghost General naturally leads them, since he is not sure that Wen Yuan even remembers where he picked up the stone. They walk for quite some time before Wen Yuan’s chatter turns quiet, and Wei Wuxian silently picks him up and lets him sleep on his shoulder.

When Wen Ning notices this and attempts to take Wen Yuan from him, Wei Wuxian only shakes his head with a smile.

“Ah, I’m sorry, Young Master, Wen Yuan ran around a lot today, so he must be tired by now. Shall we… go back?” said Wen Ning timidly.

“Nah, it’s okay, take me where A-Yuan picks up this jade stone first,” he adjusts Wen Yuan’s position slightly. “I’m quite interested in this too. Here, see, Wen Ning,” he moves closer to the Ghost General and points to the rune over one side of the jade stone. “What kind of rune is this? I’ve never known this kind of rune before.” He flips the stone to the other side. “And see this bat drawing? What kind of rich family would draw a bat on a jade stone? There is no way a rich family would even choose a bat as their family’s insignia, right?”

“Ah, that’s right, Young Master…”

“Come to think of it, Wen Ning, do you have your own jade stone?”

“I – I do, Young Master… although it was destroyed when our home was caught in fire.”

Wei Wuxian tsks and says, “How can a jade stone be destroyed in a fire… it must be of low quality if it’s truly destroyed.”

The ghost general nods and replies, “It was Wen Ruohan who gifted me the jade stone when I was born… Jiejie also said the same thing as Young Master Wei…”

Wei Wuxian laughs aloud. “Wow it must be a really low-quality jade stone, huh?”

Wen Ning smiles bitterly, “I guess it is, Young Master…” He pauses for a moment, and then says, “Ah, we’re here, Young Master Wei.”

Wei Wuxian looks down, and in front of them, there are only bones and bones. He looks at Wen Ning in disbelief, “Here?”

“Yes, Young Master. A-Yuan picked it up here exactly.”

Wei Wuxian sighs helplessly. He passes A-Yuan to Wen Ning as carefully as possible before he crouches down and starts to dig the bones and soil in front of them. With Wen Yuan in his arms, Wen Ning has no way to help him, and the Ghost General can only watch powerlessly as his Young Master digs and digs in without much enthusiasm.

When the sun is about to set and there is not much light left, Wen Ning opens his mouth and calls out to Wei Wuxian nervously. “Young Master Wei…”

Wei Wuxian is already waist deep in the ground, carefully examining the heaps of bones in front of him, and thus, does not hear Wen Ning’s call.

Wen Ning clears his throat and calls him again. “Uh, Young Master Wei…”

“Hmm?” replies Wei Wuxian distractedly.

“It’s almost night time, Young Master… Shouldn’t we head back now?”

“Hm?” He looks up to see the darkening sky.

“Ah – um, we can go back here tomorrow if you want, Young Master.”

Wei Wuxian looks down, contemplates silently for a moment, and then jumps up beside Wen Ning while patting down his dirtied robes. “Nah, forget it, I don’t think we can find anything here. There are only bones left here.”

“Since there’s nothing left, I have no clue on what kind of jade stone is this thing…” Wei Wuxian rubs the stone idly as they walk back to the cave. “Well, there’s only one way to find out about it then!”

Since they cannot get any more clues, Wei Wuxian starts to experiment on the jade stone that very night. 

 


 

A few days after Wen Yuan brought back the jade stone, the Wens can hear loud screams from the cave Wei Wuxian lives in. They only look towards the cave’s entrance for a moment before they go back to work, ignoring whatever mayhem their Young Master may be in.

“Is Young Master Wei okay?” Uncle Four asks Grandma passingly.

Grandma smiles softly. “Maybe just another experiment goes wrong.”

And sure enough, Wei Wuxian comes out of the cave a moment later with dishevelled clothes and even more dishevelled hair. “Where is A-Yuan? I need my mood booster!”

Wen Yuan, the little angelic boy, runs towards the mouth of the cave as he hears Wei Wuxian calling his name.

“Xian-gege!” He barrels towards Wei Wuxian and starts clinging to his leg. “Play with me!”

“Sure, A-Yuan!” He picks up the boy, only to dump him back to the ground and starts to bury him to the soil. “I’ll plant you here so we can grow little sisters and little brothers for you!”

“Really?” Wen Yuan claps his hands excitedly. “You can raise me pretty little sisters and cute little brothers?”

“I can, I can, of course! Who do you think I am?”

Wen Yuan giggles and says, “The mighty Xian-gege!”

Wei Wuxian laughs too, before he howls in pain as Wen Qing slaps the back of his head. “Stop bullying my nephew!”

“Ow, ow, ow, Wen Qing! Be gentler!” Wei Wuxian rubs the throbbing pain on the back of his head pitifully. “I’m fragile!”

Wen Qing snorts ungracefully. She picks up Wen Yuan from the ground and glares at him. “Don’t be shameless! You can still fight even with half of your intestines hanging out!”

Wei Wuxian scrambles to cover Wen Yuan’s ears. “Wen Qing! Don’t say such gruesome things in front of A-Yuan!” He gives her a scandalous look. “How could you?!”

Wen Qing rolls her eyes and ignores him completely.

 


 

It takes him a month to heal the stab wound Jiang Cheng left him with. It hurts, but what hurts more than that is when the new leader of Yunmeng Jiang Sect denounces him and cuts all ties of Yunmeng Jiang with him and the Wens. 

He did not leave him with only a stab to the stomach. No, he left him with too many thoughts and doubts.

When he cannot even get up from the bed for the first few days, he begins to think about the things his former shidi told him. It worries him that the cultivation world has completely forsaken the remaining – innocent and powerless – Wens, and in turn, him – for being the sole protector of the Wens.

He doubts that he can win against the four great sects if they do join their forces to defeat him. He doubts that he can protect the Wens, if at all. He dreads for the safety of a happy Wen Yuan, a harsh Wen Qing, a timid Wen Ning, a jokester Uncle Four, and a gentle Granny.

No, he does not doubt his power, he does not doubt that he will not have enough resentful energy to rise against their forces. What he doubts about is his control against himself, because once he absorbs too much resentful energy, his thoughts will only be filled with kill, kill, kill, kill them all!

No, he does not trust himself.

So, with a fake reassuring smile towards a frowning Wen Qing, he tells her not to worry, and tells the worrywart Wen Ning to rest easy. 

But honestly, he does not know what to do.

He considers raising up a barrier around Luanzhang Hill , the one that will prevent humans from going in and out. True, if he does raise up the barrier around Luanzhang Hill, the world cannot lay siege against them – but at the same time, they cannot go outside of the barrier too. The current condition of Luanzhang Hill is not good enough for humans to live there for long – the earth is too barren, the surrounding air is not pure, and the rotting smell is always present.

In this desperate moment, his eyes fall on the strange jade stone. He picks it up and thinks idly, “ it’d be nice if I can remain sane enough to protect them”. At that thought, he laughs bitterly. “ Although Wen Qing still thinks that I’m already insane most of the days.”

Wei Wuxian pauses his thoughts when he notices blood on the pure black jade stone. He lifts his thumb, and sure enough, the various cuts in his hand have reopened. He gets up from the stone bed, planning to go and find Wen Qing, then bother her about bandaging up his insignificant cuts. He snickers quietly, already thinking about Wen Qing’s rage when he tells her, “ But it hurts, Qing-jie! Care a little for the poor little Xian-Xian, okay?”

But before he can take another step, the jade stone glows bright in his hand, forcing him to direct his attention back to the stone.

“Oh? What’s this?”

Wei Wuxian grins gleefully. “Finally responding, huh? Why is it responding now?” He throws the stone back carelessly. “Well, I can inspect it later. Let’s go annoy Wen Qing first!”

 


 

With his hand bandaged carefully, and the back of his head throbs painfully – courtesy of Wen Qing’s infamous head slap – Wei Wuxian goes back to the cave he dwells in. But the moment he steps into the cave, he knows that someone – something? – else is there, lurking in the darkness of the cave quietly. With an alert mind and body ready to fight, he retrieves ChenQing from his belt.

“It’s no fun to hide in the dark! Come, come, let me see you!” Although his tone of voice is light, and his words are playful, he does not forget the fact that someone – or something – unknown can get into the cave without the surrounding talismans alerting him.

He does not expect an answer to his goading, nor does he expect that the intruder will show themselves up – after all, the fact that they are sneaking around in the cave will be for naught.

So, he is definitely surprised when the intruder does show themselves. He is right, it is not someone, because he never sees anyone – or any ghosts, or corpses – with fluttering black wings on their back. People just do not grow wings on their back, dead or alive. It is a pity though that Wei Wuxian cannot see their face, since the one standing in front of him now is wearing black robes from top to bottom, with their face completely hidden behind a black hood.

“Oh?” Wei Wuxian’s voice lilts in amusement. “You’re showing yourself?” Despite the danger it may bring, he steps closer to the figure and circles them once. “Who are you?” He touches the wings curiously, “Is this real?”

It seems that he has annoyed them, since they step away from him and says, “Do not touch my wings.”

“Oh? Your reprimanding tone sounds like some I know!”

The person - the figure? - let out a suffering sigh. “Just state your wish and I will leave you alone.”

“My wish?” Wei Wuxian tilts his head. “Why do you care about my wish? And why are you asking it? Why just one wish?”

“You woke me up.” The figure says it like it will explain all the things in the world. Realizing that the one before him is still giving him a puzzled look, they finally elaborate more. “You tell me one wish, and I will grant it. Simple. So just tell me your wish so I can go back to sleep.”

Wei Wuxian narrows his eyes suspiciously. “I tell you my wish and you grant it? Just like that?” He circles the figure again, keeping his hands - that has been itching to touch the wings since the figure stepped away from him - around ChenQing tightly. “At what price?”

“Your mortality.”

“So I can’t die?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you know Mister, the reason why we cultivators… well cultivate , is to become an immortal. And only a few selected and talented people can reach actual immortality. But here you are, offering me immortality and promising to grant one of my wishes.”

“You will not gain immortality like this by cultivating alone.”

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

“You will become an immortal like me.”

Wei Wuxian lets out a snort. “So I will grow wings too and grant people's wishes?”

“You will become a demon like me.”

He laughs shortly. “And grow wings?”

“You will not grow wings.” The figure growls. “You can not grant people’s wishes.” They paused for a moment. “You will gain speed, and strength, and immortality, but you will have to drink human blood to keep yourself sane.”

“Well I already have speed and strength,” Wei Wuxian says - totally bluffing. “You know, from cultivation alone. I already have those. And I will also reach immortality soon because I’m an exceptional and a gifted cultivator.” He already lost his golden core, and he will definitely not reach immortality soon, but he had long figured out that the hooded figure cannot tell - nor check - whether he’s lying or not. He twirls ChengQing in his hands and smirks at the hooded figure. “I can even summon a demon like you! That’s something the world has never heard of. I don’t need those things you offered, since I can have them without your help anyway.”

The figure grits their teeth. “You can also see the future and people’s fate. You may try to change them, but you cannot change a person’s fate if it is already decided by the gods.”

“Well, that’s tempting. At last I don’t have to pay fortune-tellers for my luck of the year.”

“Bro, that’s not enough.” Wei Wuxian sighs dramatically, like he has a big burden on his shoulder just by conversing with the demon alone. “Listen here, if I don’t have to drink human blood, then I will tell you my wish and you can grant it and then go back to sleep.”

“Deal.” The figure says in a booming and loud voice, and Wei Wuxian’s vision instantly becomes pitch black. “You will gain speed, and strength, and immortality, and clairvoyance; in the price of your mortality and your needs to drink blood to keep your sanity.”

Notes:

i honestly dont know where im going with this lolol so dont expect much