Charlie doesn’t know who’s the most exhausted of them all. Tom, herself, or little Rose, who’s currently latching on to Charlie’s breast, making tiny noises that Charlie hopes are happy ones.
Six weeks in and she’s still not entirely sure how to handle this. And that’s quite ironic with her being a paediatrician and all that. But telling parents to get some sleep while the baby sleeps and actually commit to it instead of doing all the cores she can’t do while Rose is awake? Those are two entirely different things.
Tom’s wonderful. He’s a great help, he’s been through this once before, and whenever Charlie feels like she just wants to sleep for a week, Tom’s there to pick her up and carry her to bed.
Right now he’s in the armchair opposite her place on the sofa, watching with unblinking eyes as Charlie feeds their little daughter. Or maybe he’s sleeping with his eyes open, you really can’t always tell these days.
The only one properly awake seems to be Evie. She’s a wonderful big sister – and she’s only asked twice whether they could get another baby since this one seems to cry a lot.
“It’ll be six months in two days,” Tom murmurs. Ah. Not asleep then. “You’re still sure about this?”
“Yes.” There's no other possible answer.
As they’re not married – yet – one of the requirements for adopting Evie is living together for at least half a year. Charlie wants this. She just needs to have a chat with the little almost-seven-year-old (her birthday is in just one week). And she’s scared. Of course their bond is great, but what if that little girl simply doesn’t want this? Could Charlie handle it? Could Tom?
Tom can see the wheels and cogs turning in Charlie’s head. There’s a small crease of worry between her brows, although one hand is absentmindedly stroking their tiny bundle of joy. Rose Emily Hiddleston is a blessing, albeit a vocal one.
He feels decidedly sniffly when he remembers that it was Charlie’s idea to give Rosie the middle name Emily after the first woman to claim his heart. Evie liked that a lot too, when they explained it to her. Which has made both of them wonder for the umpteenth time how much Evie might still be missing her mother. Is it too soon, their adoption plan?
Tom knows that Charlie will love and care for Evie as if for her own child, with or without signed adoption papers. But they want more, need the security that comes with such a responsibility. And now that their tiny rosebud has arrived, they’re a true family.
His mum knows about their plan. So do his sisters. But the girl in question still has no idea. How could they have kept Evie in the dark for so long? He shifts in his chair, irked that they both seem cowardly in this regard. But it isn’t really cowardice, is it? For one thing, their lives were turned upside down by the pregnancy. And for another, the right moment never seemed to have come.
Two days more...to be courageous. And hopeful. And worried.
"Should I talk to her? Soon, I mean?" Charlie's mumbled question startles Tom, and when he looks up, her eyes meet his directly.
He shifts again. "Well," he starts, "we need to, eventually. And we need to know."
"Whether she wants it, you mean," Charlie nods, then looks down at little Rose, wincing a bit as their daughter sucks a little too eagerly. When Charlie meets his gaze again, Tom can see her exhale carefully. "Are you scared she doesn't want me?"
"Oh, I know she wants you. I've known for almost three years." Goodness, it's really been that long, hasn't it? Sometimes it feels like they've known each other their entire lives, and then Tom's reminded that that's just not possible, because there was someone else, someone he loved fiercely, and someone who gave him Evie. "I'm just not sure she understands."
Charlie nods slowly, then shifts a little, her - these days quite tired - eyes moving from him to Rose and back.
"We should explain it then."
"We should."
They smile at each other, and Tom's almost sure that this won't end in a disaster. Ah hell, who's he kidding? They've been through so much over the past three years, they can handle this.
A muttered "Shit" from Charlie interrupts Tom's thoughts and brings him back to the present. She laughs, but winces a little again. "I think she's got that joy for eating from you. A little eager, this one."
"Well," he grins. "I've quite enjoyed the position she's in right now as well myself. I wouldn't let go, either." He also enjoys the fact he's still able to make her blush.
"Careful there."
He can still do it, Charlie muses as Tom eye-fucks her from across the room. There really is no other expression for that searing hot, knowing, promising gaze and expression. And even tired as hell, sore and with a voracious bundle in her arms, it sparks an answering heat inside her.
They share a silent moment, Tom not taking things any further. He’s been considerate for weeks. Months, really. And she loves him all the more for it. When she smiles at him, he blows her a kiss across the room, instantly morphing from sex god to dorky husband. Well...not quite husband. Eeps, gotta rein in that thought.
It brings her back around to the matter at hand.
“Tom?” Charlie asks.
“Mhm?”
“Would you mind terribly if I talk to Evie alone first?”
He looks surprised, his eloquent eyebrows doing that Oscar-worthy thing. Cocking his head, he gives her a different look this time.
“Why, love?”
She squirms, dislodging tiny Rose who’s dozed off in the middle of suckling.
“I don’t know. I would appreciate your support but something tells me I should do this alone. A girl talk of sorts.”
After a while, he nods. Unfolding to his intimidating height, Tom pads over to run a tender finger over Rose’s head and then down Charlie’s nose before booping her ever so softly.
“Girl talk. Okay. I’ll trust my beloved girls to get this right.”
Maybe it's the tiredness, but Charlie can't help that stupid grin on her face at Tom's gesture. Maybe it's also her hormones, making her heart feel so full of love for him.
"I love you," she murmurs, thankful that he's trusting her enough to let her do it on her own - he needs to have that faith really, after all she's going to be responsible for Evie soon as well.
The smile Charlie earns in return is everything. "I love you too."
Tom's hand cradles her cheek as he bends down. Charlie meets him for a kiss that's both far too innocent and makes her heart flutter regardless. Damn those hormones.
Parting with a last little peck on the lips, Tom chuckles and then puts his hands under the slumbering Rose. "Give our little flower to me, I'll burp her and get her sorted for a nap."
Charlie nods, and they move the baby carefully. He's got this, she knows it, but it's still strange to give Rose away, even to her Daddy.
"Can you send Evie in?" she asks as Tom's almost at the door leading out of the living-room. "I think she's in her room, having a tea party."
He chuckles. "Of course, she is."
It's become a bit of an obsession for Evie. Every afternoon she's meeting her teddy bear, a stuffed bunny and a princess doll for tea. Hopefully with real ice-cream waiting, princess Evie won't be too sad to leave the party early.
She isn't as it turns out not two minutes later when Evie storms in. "Daddy says there's ice-cream!"
Charlie grins to herself. Of course, Tom said that, without even speaking to each other about it. They know each other. It gives her the boost of confidence to get this talk started. They're on the same page. Charlie as well can be a mother of two.
"There is!" she exclaims. "Here, we can eat it on the couch."
She holds out the bowl for Evie, along with a spoon, and the little girl settles in next to her. Charlie's long forgotten to care about clean clothes in this house, and exactly two spoons in, Evie moves closer to her for a cuddle, forgetting the spoon in her hand that still has traces of the ice-cream. It's worth it though, because there's nothing better than having Evie seek her out for comfort or having her little hand draw circles on Charlie's thigh without noticing it.
"Are you okay?" Charlie asks, eating her own spoonfuls.
"Mhmh. But the baby cried again."
"I know. I'm tired too. But she'll get better. And she's having a great big sister to help her settle in."
“I like being a big sister,” Evie pipes up. After a big spoon of ice cream, she adds somewhat less exuberantly, “But it isn’t easy.”
Well, no lies detected. Charlie smirks quietly to herself. A baby isn’t easy for anyone, parents or little big sis.
“Sometimes, life throws you a challenge,” she says slowly, wondering if she can work with that.
Evie glances at her, promptly splattering more melting ice cream because she’s not concentrating on eating.
“A challenge?”
“Yeah. Something that seems really tough at first but you also want to be really good at it. It might even seem unfairly hard at times but it seems worth it because at the end of that challenge is something wonderful. And so you try your best and hopefully you’re successful.”
The bright, little girl takes time to digest that, then nods sagely in the way of children her age. “Uhuh. Like when I learned how to ride a bicycle.”
Charlie smothers her laughter in a spoonful of ice cream. “Yes, a bit like that. It was worth the effort, wasn’t it?”
“Totally. I can even do it one-handed now. Sometimes. For a short while.”
Now’s not the time to call that too risky, right? Has she lost her opportunity to turn this into an adoption conversation? When there’s silence interspersed by happy ice cream noises, Charlie tries again.
“You know what could also be called a challenge?”
“What?”
“Your Daddy and you and me all somehow rearranging our lives so we can be together.”
“That’s not so difficult at all,” Evie insists. “Because we love each other.”
And just like that, Charlie’s speechless.
“We do,” Charlie manages after a short while. “We do love each other.”
Evie looks at her – spoon in hand and in danger of dripping more ice-cream, this time on the couch – as if she wants to say, ‘duh, I just told you.’.
Charlie smiles, correcting the direction of the spoon back over the bowl by gently pushing on Evie’s arm.
Outside the room she can hear quiet footsteps. She knows Tom trusts her with Evie, and she knows he wants to give her the space to actually have the talk. She also knows he’s too curious for his own good sometimes.
Also, Charlie’s just shared a wonderful moment with Evie, but is nowhere near adoption talk. Maybe it’s just not for today? Or maybe she needs a grand gesture?
She looks back at the girl quietly humming to herself the title song of Paw Patrol and realises she doesn’t need a powerful move at all. They’ll be fine like this.
“Evie, do you remember how last week you got home from school and Daddy needed to sign a letter you got from Mrs May?” She waits for Evie to nod, before she continues. Maybe it’s a stupid approach, but maybe they do need something more practical.
“Daddy is very good at signing stuff,” she answers. “People ask him to do it all the time.”
Charlie smothers her grin behind her hand as she answers. “He really is. But I’m quite good at it, too. I needed to do it in the hospital.”
“Why can’t you sign my letters then? We always,” – cue dramatic eye-roll challenging Loki – “have to wait for Daddy to be home.”
And there it is. Her opening.
"I'm not allowed. Because Daddy is your daddy, but I'm officially not your mummy. You're Rose's big sister and our little girl, but I'm not allowed to sign stuff like your daddy does."
"Maybe they need to check if you're as good as he is?"
There's a low chuckle coming from the hallway after this and then some more shuffling.
"Maybe," Charlie nods. "We can allow them to check that out, you know? If you want to."
Tom knows he shouldn’t be eavesdropping. If his mother were here, she would drag him away by the ear, no matter that he’s not a little boy anymore. He also knows that Charlie can handle this just fine and that she wanted to do this alone.
But God help him, he’s dying of curiosity. And it’s so fucking important. He already feels like he has a new family, but he wants to shout it from the rooftops. He wants the reassurance that if something happens, everything will be taken care of. Not like with Em those days, who was torn from them so suddenly.
Tom swallows, stopping the soft pacing. Letting Charlie adopt Evie is a BIG step. One that doesn’t mean he will forget the first mother of his daughter. But would Evie see it like that?
Pacing not so softly now, he listens again.
“So how do they check?” Evie asks, and he can hear a clatter that means she’s knocked her spoon against the ice cream bowl.
“Well...” There’s a pause. “All of us will have to go somewhere, to an office.”
“Why?”
“Because it needs to be a place with important people. If they can make sure, officially, then we won’t ever have to do that again.”
“Okay.”
Another pause.
“Evie?”
“Hm?”
“Those people there, they don’t just want to make sure I can sign things as well as your Daddy.”
His throat goes dry. The moment of truth?
Evie is looking at her with those big, round, curious eyes, blinking once. Her mouth forms the same little o-shape Tom's sporting whenever he tries to find out some secret.
"What else are they doing?" The little girl - their little girl - tilts her head to the side, watching. Charlie's never felt so exposed in all of her life. And that's saying something.
She shifts on the couch and reaches for Evie's empty bowl, putting it on the table along Charlie's own, before she settles against the back of the couch.
"Well, they want to check, if you like living with me. If I can care for you whenever your daddy is away for work. If I can do all the things he's doing for you as well." She's talking too much, she knows that. Charlie's not even sure if Evie understands any of what she's saying.
"But you already do that. They don't have to check."
It makes Charlie laugh. Of course, it's so simple for a child. They love each other, they're living together, that's enough. Should be enough.
"It's what adults like to do, Evie. Sign a paper to make it official and make it easier to check if I'm allowed to care for you." She pauses. Then, slowly and softly, she takes a breath and prepares herself. "That's called adoption. I would adopt you, and you would be my child. And your daddy's."
Another frown. In Charlie's head this was all a bit easier. "Like we did with Boots?"
"Like you did with Boots and I did with Blanket."
"Is it because my Mummy is gone, too?" Charlie's heart breaks a little. Evie's looking at her, not sad, just curious. "So you can be my new one? Like we are Boots' new family?"
All she can do is open her mouth and close it again. And repeat. Of course, this question would come. They talk about Emily a lot. Mostly Tom, of course. Trying to explain that Charlie wants Evie to be hers without taking her mum away? What were they even thinking? But no. No panicking now. It's scary and it's big, but it's nothing that can't be done.
She grabs Evie's hand, pulling a bit, and the little girl comes to sit on Charlie's lap, settling in, but never taking her eyes off her.
"I would be able to take care of you like your Mummy did. But I'm not trying to be your new one, if you don't want to. I love you very much, but your Mummy did too. And so do your Daddy and even little Rose. And we're a family, no matter if I can officially sign your letters from school or not, okay?" Charlie pulls her even closer. "You can say if you want that, or not. And I won't be mad."
It seems to take forever for Evie to find an answer. Tom is biting his thumbnail on the other side of the door, worry making his stomach churn.
They should have done this earlier. Differently. Together. Or not at all? Is he sweating now? He’s totally sweating now, yup.
Why doesn’t his daughter say anything?
After that feels like an eternity, he hears Evie speak thoughtfully, with that cute gravitas that very serious children have. “I love Mummy, you know.”
Charlie’s voice sounds a bit wobbly. “I know, Evie. And she loved you so, so much too, I know that.”
“Mhm. But she had to go and leave me alone with Daddy.”
Goodness, what to say to that? Now he’s more tearful than sweaty, which is just as bad. How’s Charlie coping with it?
She doesn’t say anything in reply, and after a while, Evie continues. “Daddy always says that Mummy would never have wanted me to be alone, or sad. And when I and Daddy and you are together, I don’t feel alone or sad. So I’m sure she would like it.”
“Like what?” Charlie’s voice is even croakier now and he has to bite his lip and refrain from bursting into the room.
“Like us being a family. A real one after ‘doption. I’m sure Mummy would like that. And I would like that too. Because I love you too.”
"Are you crying?" Evie asks, looking alarmed and putting a small hand on Charlie's cheek. "Are you sad? Don't you really want it?"
Before the little girl's face can morph into a full frown, Charlie hastily rubs her eyes, feeling the tears she didn't know were there until now.
"No, no, munchkin. Everything is fine. Sometimes people cry because they're happy and relieved. And I'm both," she smiles, though admittingly still a bit wobbly.
It makes Evie turn into a smiling child again as well, so that's good. Then she stops. "What's 'relieved'?"
And welcome to the Hiddleston household, where an emotional adoption talk can turn into an English lesson in a heartbeat.
"Uhm. It's when you were afraid of a situation and then the outcome is much better than you thought. Like when we thought you'd lost your little pet bunny at aunty Emma's house, but it was in your backpack. You remember that?"
Evie nods eagerly. "Yes! I was so happy then. You're very good at explaining, Charlie. Just like Daddy. Do you think the people who check if you can sign things also check if you can explain things?"
Charlie barely holds back her laughter, but Tom's small daughter - their small daughter - in her lap looks so serious, Charlie can't laugh at her. So, she just nods. "You know what? Maybe they'll actually do!" She wiggles her legs a bit, making Evie squeal with delight as she tries to hold herself up and then ends up falling against Charlie, who hugs her a bit tighter. "Speaking of your Daddy. I bet he's very relieved now as well. You can get him, if you want. But," she stops the child before she can dash off like mad, "be careful, I think he's in the hallway." Charlie whispers the last part, which earns her a grin from Evie in return.
Let Tom scramble around trying to look busy behind that door. That's what he gets for eavesdropping on them. Plus, she needs Evie gone for a minute. Needs to put her head in her hands, take a few deep breaths, cry a few more tears and be much more relieved than what she showed Evie. So that's what she does as soon as the girl is out of the door.
Their lives will change again, though it's just on paper. She's already responsible and a mother for Evie, that won't change. But it feels different somehow, even though they all made clear that it wouldn't.
Tom startles when he hears small footsteps that are approaching quickly. Too quick for his liking as he's right behind the door and very much would like to not get hit by it.
So he hastily takes two steps back, blinks once or twice to make the tears stop running and turns towards that little desk in the hallway that hosts the station for their phone and keys. He's got no idea how to act busy with that. But does it really matter?
Evie storms through the door just as Tom's managed to casually lean against the desk. No. He didn't eavesdrop even a tiny bit. Thank you very much.
"Daddy!" She stops, looking around. As she sees him, Evie grins, then pushes the hair out of her face with her tiny hands. Or well. Not so tiny anymore. She's grown so much, becoming a confident - and happy - lovely girl.
"Hey, munchkin," he smiles brightly back.
"Charlie's going to sign stuff for me. It's a 'doption."
"Is she now? That's great, isn't it?"
He only sees her nod for a small moment, before she barrels towards him, giving Tom only so much time to bend and pick her up, kissing her cheeks and nose.
"It's so great! She's better at it than you I think."
Tom laughs, bouncing her a bit. "Is that so?"
"It is!" It's not Evie that answers, it's Charlie, her voice coming from the living-room with the hint of a laugh.
"Shall we check on Charlie then?" Tom whispers, and this time it is his daughter who answers with a whispered back "yes".
Charlie has the most radiant smile on her face, watching them coming in from her place on the couch. Tom can see the tear stains on her cheeks, but it doesn't matter. Just as Evie's excited bohncing, her feet hitting his hips every now and then.
They're going to be a family. Again. A real one. He's going to start bouncing as well soon.
Charlie looks at these two wonderful people who together with her little rosebud mean the world to her, and it’s all she can do not to burst into crocodile tears. Her heart gives a painful lurch when she remembers the two of them when she first met them, especially how Tom looked. So much good has happened since then. They’re truly a family now, soon on paper too.
Her thoughts are interrupted by a big squishy hug as Tom and Evie both settle on the couch with her. They’re a tangle of arms and legs and joy, and she thinks she can hear Tom sniffle a bit.
“Daddy?” comes Evie’s muffled voice.
They rearrange themselves a bit, though Tom refuses to let either of them go. Goodness, this is nice. She could get used to this. Has, in fact. And won’t ever have to not be used to it.
“Yes, munchkin?”
“For the ‘doption, can I wear my nicest dress. So it’s all a‘fficial?”
There goes her stupid heart again, bursting with happiness. Their eyes met, Tom’s shiny and wide and full of love.
“Sure,” he agrees. “Or better yet, why don’t we all go shopping? Daddy will get a new suit, Little Rosie a sparkly onesie, and Charlie and you each a new dress. How does that sound?”
“You have the bestest ideas, Daddy!” squeals Evie before she hugs them both again.
Charlie smiles, catching Tom’s eye again. “I couldn’t agree more. You do have the bestest ideas sometimes.”