Chapter Text
I went out to the palace's garden. Reality seems stranger after coming back from the Arcana realm. I observe the willow trees and look up at the night sky; how many days have passed. The Masquerade is over now and it appears the events here were more chaotic, while I and Julian were away. After we came back, I heard that some attendants weren't certain if the odd parts they experienced were real. And some remembered nothing. I noticed how exhausted I was and then I spot on my left side a stone bench under a willow tree. Sat downed and took a few deep breaths that I had held back during the predicaments and troubles I had faced.
I tried to digest everything that transpired these days... my death, the plague, the Arcana, Julian… My mind kept going to one unanswered question, why did Asra go so far to revive me?
At first, when I asked Asra, he didn't remember all that happened during the ritual. The original purpose of the rite was for ex-Count Lucio to obtain his new body. But thanks to Asra, that body revived me instead. What if he has reclaimed some of his memories now, like how Julian or Nadia did? Asra has always been there for me. He took care of me when I couldn't; he taught me everything again when I was like a little child. It is so unfair to not thank him, as he deserves for what he has done for me. It is the least I can do, right?
There are some unspoken regrets between Asra and my former self. I can tell from the way he gazes at me and when the past is mentioned he looks so hurt.
My wish to have my memories reclaimed has never faded. It keeps growing more and more each day, also the fear of what I may find out grows with it. There is even the stake of falling in a catatonic state again. Moreover, I can lose all of my memories, which right now they have become precious to lose.
"Can I have the pleasure to sit beside such a ravishing being?"
At once I recognized the voice behind me and his cheeky tone. So I turned around. And I saw his tall figure, his curly messy auburn hair, his grey eyes gazing me while flashing a lopsided grin. He lost his eye patch earlier, so the red sclera of his right eye is visible in tonight's moonlight. He is still wearing his black costume with feathers. It is much more disheveled now than it was when we bought our costumes together at the start of the Masquerade. His silky red tie was loose around his neck. Nevertheless, his presence calms me from my puzzling thoughts. My desire to cling onto the past that I can't even remember fades away and I get absorbed by the present.
"You took your time, Julian." I give him a subtle wink and pat the stone bench for him to sit. He sat down and wraps my shoulders with his right arm.
"I know, I know… but Peyton, Tilde and her wife caught up to me to check how I was. Peyton, that rascal! He told them we were following a goat ghost, and they became worried because we disappeared for a while. We left for like two days! Besides, they were kind of confused about what happened during the last day of the Masquerade."
"Tilde mentioned that she had some hazy memories, in which she was dancing and couldn't stop at all?!" Julian pinches the bridge of his nose "It sounds bizarre if you ask me."
"From what Asra told me after we came back from the Arcana realm, it was Devil's doing. The Devil was trying to interfere with our plans by making Asra's task more difficult to get done." I drew a deep sigh and turn to face Julian with a caring smile.
"We don't need to worry about that anymore, we defeated him… he's gone." I leaned closer and nuzzled my head in his neck's alcove. His smell was all my nostrils could inhale. My stomach fluttered, but my mind was serene. Like when I'm at home, in my shop, delighted and safe.
Julian chuckles, "We really did it… together haha!" he quiets down and for a brief time, we remain calm.
"How are you Y/N? You used up a lot of stamina to obliterate that baboon-faced waste of skin. You kicked that warthog-faced buffoon's ass!" I laugh from his ludicrous remarks. He grasps my chin, and I raise my head from his neck's nook. All my facial features are being observed by his drifting eyes.
"Hmm… you look a little gray and you definitely require some sleep. Also, a cup of tea would be nice. With cookies! And then you should take a warm bath and if you want I can..." more Julian suggests ways for me to relax, the more he beams. When Julian acts like this, he won't quit worrying about anything that can bother me. But he is so adorable when he cares for me, even if he goes overboard with it sometimes.
I can't help myself. I stroke his cheek with my hand; my thumb rubs to appease his nerves. He stops his ramble, his brows furrow in confusion. I close the space between us and kiss him.
Julian got stunned at first, but then he responds my touch with a tender caress while his arms wrap around my waist. My hands clutch the fabric on his chest; the feathers are tickling my fingers. I sense his quiet heartbeat through his black cloth; it made my heart pound, and the heat rises in my cheeks. Julian tilts his head, deepening the kiss. My body trembles and I release a soft moan from the back of my throat. His curls tickled my warm cheeks, and this excites the butterflies in my stomach. My fingers slide at the nape of his neck, and I stroked his silky auburn mane. My grip tightens in his smooth hair; Julian emits a guttural growl that made my chest light up and my heart skip a beat. One of my arms crawls around his shoulders and I dig my nails in his dark jacket from the rush of excitement. I ended his babbling, but now I'm craving for his gentle touch, lingering deep kisses and those muffled sounds that he releases the more I touch him. The surge of sensations lets me appreciate how significant his existence is for me and mine for him. When we part away, his low rumbling laughter vibrates in my chest.
"I love it when you make the first move Y/N!" Julian bends his head aside and I recognize his flushed look with that broad grin. I'm so contented to witness his delight and his amazed, wandering stare.
"It makes me feel so adored and happy." Julian chuckles, I haven't seen him often smile like that these restless days. Now that those times have passed, I wonder if I am going to able to make him beam like this whenever I can.
"Well, I wanted to cease your worrying about me since you are such a worrywart. I guess bad habits die hard, huh?" my arms shift from his shoulders and I grasp his cool palms. In return, Julian rubs his thumbs on my hands.
"Besides when you are so caring, my heart can't handle it and…"
A slow swallow passes and I look anywhere but his grey eyes, my cheeks glow more. "And you are adorable so…" I whisper and that sets my heart ablaze.
"Oh! Y/N, you are quite bold today. It is a captivating sight haha!" Julian bites his bottom lip, but he can't stop his grin. Julian leans and gives me a peck on my forehead, smiling in between. "You are always full of surprises. Sometimes, you are so shy, hehe! And other times, like when we were dancing, you dipped me with such confidence. I love how unpredictable you are, darling!" Julian laughs with such appreciation for me.
"All right, enough with the teasing, I know I'm adorable too. Ugh, this is exhausting me much more than fighting a devil." I sneak a peek to see Julian's expression. He grasps my shoulders and stares at me wide-eyed.
"My dear Y/N! How could you say that? To a big fuzzy worrywart like me? You know what reaction you will get from me!" Julian shakes my shoulders vigorously. Of course, he goes back into his theatrical acts, but the corners of his lips are quivering. He is trying so hard to keep a straight face.
I will play along and seek my chance to crush his act apart.
"Julian, I will be blunt with you. You are not that hairy. I have seen plenty of fuzzier men than you." I shake my head discontented and Julian lets out a dramatic gasp. He gets a mischievous glint in his eyes "Y/N, y-you have been seeing other fellows besides me?"
I snickered, immediately I put my palm over my mouth. I had to catch him off guard and here I am, almost bursting out loud laughing. Need to maintain my poker face, no matter what.
"My love, why? Ack! M-My heart is breaking in pieces! Shattering all o-over the place!" Julian puts the back of his hand over his forehead, pretending to faint. "I-It was that b-baker, wasn't it? Y-You went with him just because you love his pumpkin bread so much, huh?" Julian rolls his eyes and his fist clutch his chest.
"I know he also has some bulky and sturdy arms from kneading all sorts of bread dough every single day! But-" then Julian starts to unbutton his coat, he fumbles with some buttons. It seems his act is reaching the finality. Better prepare myself to seem as expressionless as I can. I take a deep breath… this won't be easy.
Julian lets his loose jacket slide from his arms. He unbuttons a few more buttons of the white shirt he had worn underneath. Stops when half of his shirt was loose. Then his hands clutched both sides of his collar and expose his pale chest in front of me.
"Look at me! Touch me! You c-can't say I'm not fuzzy! If this doesn't s-satisfy you, I-I will grow them even more. It doesn't matter what it will c-cost me to reach that. Hell, I will even research magic and y-you know how much that would crush my pride as a man of science! But for you, love, I would sacrifice anything… so please don't give up on this poor desperate man." Julian stares at me with determination. He is so close to breaking his act. I'm amazed that he didn't burst out laughing by now.
This is now my chance to shatter his performance, let's break his facade!
I take an inaudible sigh while looking at his bare chest. I give him a sly look, and my palm lies on his chest. He shudders under my warm contact, yet keeps his persistent stare towards my view. He is expecting what I have to convey. Under my touch, his heartbeat quickens. His throat bobs as he swallows.
"Ah Julian, Julian… you miserable man."
I reach with my other hand the strand of his auburn hair and tuck it behind his ear. Now I can appreciate both of his eyes observing and following each of my movements.
"As an experienced magician, I can say you are a hopeless case, especially in your hairy situation. But don't worry, love. This heart beats for you and only you, darling! We have to accept reality; there are hairier men than you. Although sweetie, you need to know that no one makes me laugh and happy as you do. I want to create more memories from now on with you, my ever new delight!" I kiss his nose as my ultimate move and witness my goal come to fruition.
"I, uh, er, l-l-lo-, what, well, I..." Julian runs his palm across his mouth, but my eyes catch his blushed face. A sheepish smile spreads on his face, his sight averts me.
I let my roar out, Julian jumps from my sudden reaction.
"Oh, Julian! You can throw them but you can't take them haha!" I chuckle; Julian is gazing at me, still with a flushed expression. "Of course that worked with you, with naughty Julian haha!" "Mission accomplished!" I raise one of my arms up in the air victoriously, like a gladiator who succeeds in another battle in the Coliseum.
Julian regains his composure and coughs before he speaks, "I won't deny Y/N that took me off guard. I mean it was a little extreme, y-you said like five pet names and until this day-"
"Four."
"Huh?"
"I said four nicknames. Do you want me to repeat them for you, love?" I stare at him with a cheeky grin, his eyes narrow and a forced smile creeps.
"No. Thank you for your consideration, my love!"
"Anything for you, my ever new delight!"
With a suppressed groan, he moves his hand across his face and shut his eyes. I can't quit giggling. This is fun to see, but I don't want to cross my line too much.
"Wahaha! Alright, Julian, I won't call you any of those nicknames anymore, haha! I got what I wanted from it, but I couldn't help myself to stop teasing you even further. I'm sorry-"
"No, you are not~." Julian looks at me with his good eye, and a wry smirk spreads on his face.
"Well~… I guess I'm not haha! I like to witness many expressions from you because I love your surprises as well, darling!"
His piercing glare spiked my guilty soul. I was about to apologize again, seriously this time. But then he cracks in a peal of loud laughter with arms wrapped around his stomach. I join his ecstatic mood, and all we hear for a while is our mirth. We tried to regain our composure, but we kept chuckling besides our futile attempts.
"Hahaha! Hehe come here~" I found myself covered in Julian's long arms. His unique smell is all I can inhale; strange enough that makes my breaths steadier. I can feel Julian's chin resting on my shoulders, heaving a deep sigh behind my neck. His cool hand stroked my hair, driving my eyes to close; I can sense his touch even more.
"I love hearing the sound of your laugh." Julian said with soft whispers. I chuckle and tighten my embrace on him. "And I love making you laugh haha!" Our giggles vibrate through our bodies, making us more aware of our intimacy. We break our cuddle but still, hold each other hands.
While we create some distance between us, I recognize Julian's murderer brand tattoo on his left hand. It had an upside-down, double-cross with a heart and a simple design with only black ink. What does that symbol mean? Maybe it means betrayal since Julian used to work under ex-Count Lucio, later on, he got accused of Lucio's murder.
The tattoo, it reminds me of everything we experienced these days. Julian returns to Vesuvia, my duty from the Countess to capture him and let him get judged in front of justice. I noticed things weren't as they seemed, especially Julian and I fell in love with him. I had to prove his innocence when we found out he didn't kill Lucio. Our corrupt system of court and Julian's hidden plan caused him to get a guilty verdict. His punishment was hanging, and it took place in public. The image of Julian getting hanged and together with it the people's cries, cheers, heckles…
It sends chills down my spine every single time. Either way, other things happened as the so high mentioned, the Masquerade. In the end, everything led to where we are now.
The symbol also made me think about Julian before Lucio's death, the one I have met and known, but can't recall. Before how close we were? Did I love him back then? Like how I do now? I learned that I worked as an apprentice for him, but why did I study medicine? It was because of the plague?
It upsets me that in the past Julian faced so much injustice. But even then he could rely on other people; they helped him escape from Vesuvia. Besides that, he used to believe that every problem he encountered, he must solve them on his own. So no one else would be put in danger for his sake. Julian went through a lot, but from all of it he still grew and that makes me so happy and proud of him.
I lift his left hand and give it a tender peck. As I raise my eyes, Julian's bewildered look with his tilted head is all my sight caught.
"Umm Y/N? Why did you do that?" He gawks at me like I did the most enigmatic thing in the world.
"I wanted to show you some love." As my grasp from his palm releases, I show him a warm smile.
"I see… I guess I'm still not used to your unexpected shows of affection. I promise I will get more comfortable with that, alike with the pet names haha!" Julian lets a short giggle. I decide to not tease him anymore. I appreciate his ambition to keep improving and his interest in what the future can offer us.
"Anyway… Now since we are both at ease, I have to ask you something, my dear." His gaze is intense, I leaned closer and nod for him to continue.
"All right, Y/N. What is happening between you and Asra?"… Wait what? How did he realize what has been bothering me? Have I been that obvious? I suppose I'm not as mysterious as people tend to call me.
"Well… it looks like something is going on more with you than with Asra, he didn't seem like he had an issue with you." Julian mumbles while he rubs the back of his neck. The more he kept murmuring, the more vigorous his rubs behind his neck were. I clear my throat, Julian breaks his agitated acts and peers at me with curiosity.
"Before I answer your question, can you tell me where did you come up with this idea?" I turn my body to face him and throw a curious gaze at him. Julian isn't as nervous as earlier. It seems my willingness made him less uncomfortable.
"I saw you after we arrived back from the Arcana realm. You were looking at Asra often. As if you were seeking something that has been eating you on the inside. Asra recognized, that you were staring and approached you to ask if something was wrong. But you denied and kept a distance from him throughout the rest of the evening. Before when I went out to find you in the garden, I could see from afar, you were in deep thoughts so…" Julian gazes with his gentle eyes and smiles at me. I rub my thumb on his hand, which it's holding mine.
"I want to be there for you, to comfort you from whatever bothers you. You have been there for me before, so I also wish to show you, that you can trust me and I will listen to anything you need. I-I love you, Y/N."
Oddly enough, Julian's cheeks are not as gleaming as they are whenever he is vulnerable. His gaze is so determined and loving, it makes my heart throb and I can't stop observing his eyes. Julian's quite attentive to my needs and desires; I feel happy he noticed something was bothering me. Before when I started to know Julian, and we had our so-called "break-up", Asra said that even if Julian moved on from his martyr complex, he would depend on me even more and it would take a toll on me. But I believed in Julian no matter what, and I'm glad he proved me likewise.
I reach my hand and grasp his cheek. My thumb rubs softly on his loving cheek and then I let out a brief sigh.
"I love you, too. And I want to be honest with you, too. Ah, you are so thoughtful and kind, thank you." My grip switches from his cheek in his chin; my lips come and give him a light kiss in his pleasant cheek. After my grip loosened, I witness Julian looking downcast with a sheepish smile.
"Now, where do I start? Hmm?" I'm stroking my chin with the hand that was a few seconds under Julian's grasp. With the conclusion I came up to adjust my body, I could find more distance between me and Julian. I need to concentrate on what I have to say.
Would you look at that? Some tiny golden ducklings are walking in line behind their mommy duck. Then they swam on the pond. The tropical water lilies surrounded the pond. They create more colors on it even under the dark veil of the night.
Let'snot lose focus now! I know life is full of slight moments that make you appreciate the beauty of life and the fact we are alive. Now I'm getting philosophical great…
"It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" It seems Julian caught up with my train of thoughts since he has that mischievous expression.
I nod at him with a smirk and then I brush away a few strands. My fingers run through my hair, it helps to calm my nerves a bit.
"Uhh, you see, after Asra revived me, I acted like an infant. I couldn't walk, speak, do magic and other things that every grown person does. Asra taught me everything. He never complained, and he kept trying to motivate me and believe in myself." I utter a deep sigh. Talking about those times is always hard because I was so scared and helpless. The only person I depended on was Asra, and with him by my side, it helped me improve faster. But I can imagine how much of a heavy burden he carried on his own those three years.
While being in heavy thoughts, a hand pats my back. I tilt my neck in Julian's direction, and he gives me a soft smile. His gaze looked so caring. That made my heart flutter, and it led my courage to keep going.
"Thanks to him, I stood on my own feet again and faced everything that happened lately. I-I have thanked him many times for reviving and helping me, b-but…" I stare down at the pond; tears welled up in my eyes. I don't want to cry, not right now.
My brows furrow as I relive a faint, muddled flashback. I found myself in some man's arms. His entire body was trembling, but he held me tight like he was so scared I would disappear right there. I couldn't move my limbs. Everything around the environment was almost imperceptible for my senses. All I felt were tears pouring down my pale face and neck. They were warm, but so somber. The tears were streaming from the man's sobs above me. He seemed miserable and such a mess. He spoke to me through his convulsive gasps. But my ears didn't pick up anything, only muffled sounds, like being underwater. At the time I kept thinking who was this person seizing me with such affection, but also giving such an anguished sob. Those genuine emotions, somehow they reached my will. And that drove me to grasp with my shaky arm his cheek and I wiped some of those tears. As my hand brushes his cheek, his body tensed. A shudder went through his whole body and his face grew rigid with shock. Suddenly, I could distinguish the facial features of the man in front of me. His disheveled curly white hair, his puffy purple eyes that showed such a horrified look. He was the Asra that I know now, but then I didn't recognize him. I remembered nothing from my past, and even now I don't. His tears continued to flow, but he held my palm in his cheek and showed me a wavering smile. After that, I fainted and I don't know when I woke up again. I might have woken up a few days later... weeks…
Asra told me he tried a few times to tell me about the past and my death, but all of those endeavors met their unfortunate end. He had to erase those memories, or I would get stuck in those catatonic states. I couldn't handle the truth…
I took a deep breath. In and out. I needed to calm down. There's nothing I can do about the past. Important for now are the actions I do now, so I'm more capable to walk away from the past that drags me.
"… Julian I-I… I need to thank him in the proper way. For everything, he has done. I can't do that if I don't know why he went so far for me. He deserves that, at least. He must be regretful about something that happened between us. I-I wish I knew what it was, so we both can move on, especially him. I care about Asra, he's my closest friend. He was the only one... so of course I want to-" A heavy groan escapes from my throat and I held my head, overwhelmed by emotions.
Julian's hand shifted from my back on my neck. Rubs and kneads, presses and strokes. Julian was massaging my tense parts, he was comforting me. I tilt my head to meet him and then his eyes encountered my stare, a reassuring smile spread on his face. All I read from his expression was that he understands, and he is here for me. It was enough for me to be more at ease.
"… I-I…" an overwhelming feeling causes my voice to tremble. Julian's strokes became slower, but firmer.
"What should I do? Should I just approach him and ask? What if he isn't sincere with me? Or am I able to deal with whatever he will say?" while I mumbled, Julian grasps my shoulders and I shift my body in his direction. I must seem distraught since he is gazing at me in hastily.
"Y/N, you are worrying too much and I'm saying that, so you can take a good guess that you are being too anxious. I'm sure if you ask him, he will be honest with you. I highly doubt he doesn't remember whatever transpired with you and him. So, go for it! You believe it will make both of you feel better, so why not give it a shot?" When his speech ends, Julian fondles a strand of my hair and kisses it while he gazes at me.
He's right, but also he mentioned something that made another question pop up in my mind. I follow my curiosity.
"Julian, why are you so certain Asra remembers about what happened between him and me back then?" His skin prickled, and I witness his jaw drop from my observant remark.
And he gets even more nervous, ruffling his auburn hair while avoiding eye contact with me. I lean closer, so he can't escape from my eyes, which took him by surprise. But he acknowledged he couldn't avoid my piercing gaze.
"I-I mean, it is more like a prediction than anything. As you said, Asra has done a lot for you. Hell, he even revived you! That's definitely something that we don't hear on a day-to-day basis. He cares for you a lot, maybe he even-" his speech comes to a sudden halt and again he averts my sight.
This is becoming annoying. I grasp both sides of his pale face and angle him to find my view.
"He even what?" I was louder than I expected. I'm getting impatient and I demand his say.
No, I'm being rude, he's helping me and here I am, yelling and "demanding" answers.
"I'm sor-"
Julian puts his index finger on my lips to hush me. His finger lingers on my lower lip. And then he began circling it. A rosy blush emerged in my cheeks. Uncertainty reaches me as I can't tell if I'm irritated that he is acting like this now or if I enjoy this. From the shiver that goes through my body, I grit my teeth and I throw him a fixed gaze. I see his eyes drift from my lips to meet my gaze and he makes a cocky smirk. Then he inclines his head; his lips keep getting closer to mine. He's actually doing this right now! I should react, push him and insist to show me his answer. But his charm has already enthralled me, and I barely endured my desire to follow his movements. It is hard standing firm when my cheeks keep growing warmer and my heart kept palpitating even more. Our noses were only a few inches apart. I shut my eyes since I couldn't deny my feelings anymore and wait for his embrace…
That never came... instead, I felt a tingle on my forehead. He flicked me. On instinct, I open my eyelids and all I receive is his goofy grin from ear to ear. He laughs while leaning his head back.
"Sorry, my love haha! I didn't want to miss this opportunity and besides..." he approaches and his gaze laid on me, a hint of mischief gleams in his eyes.
"This is my vengeance for the teasing you did earlier, Y/N. Ahh, you reap what you sow, love."
I place my hand where I keep sensing the tingling sensation and I pinned him a fierce glare.
"Julian, this is no time to act like children! W-We have to be serious-" again, he interrupts with his finger pointing in front of me. He waves it from side to side.
"Tsk tsk, Y/N! We know that this isn't how children converse with one another, it would be too shame-"
I hold his rowdy mouth. His muffled giggle is what my hands sense shortly after I grasp him.
"This isn't funny, Julian!" A frown forms while I glare at him. After my remark, he grabs my wrists with a swift motion and kisses the insides of my wrists.
"I know, I know… I'm sorry, but I can't help myself. You will always distract me no matter how desperate the case we are in is, Y/N."
My heart is thumping so loud that it sends shivers down my spine and my cheeks are hotter than ever.
I try to hide from his gaze with my arms the blushing mess I had turned into. But he reads my movements, so my hands under his grip lay on his legs. My eyes wander sideways from his earnest gaze. But I need to hear what he's avoiding to share, so I look back at him.
"He even what, Julian?" I await his answer with expectancy, Julian uttered a deep sigh.
His sight shifts downcast, looking at our holding hands.
"Perhaps he even loves you…"
Love me? He loves me? Hmm… this is one of the motives that can drive someone to go so far and take drastic actions. People that are deeply in love can become quite selfless in dire situations. Though, if this is what Asra might feel towards me, it would complicate things between us. We both would be in an uncomfortable position. If I tried to ask him about whatever happened between us in the past.
During my train of thought, I had moved in certain thinking positions without being aware of them. When my thinking process ends, I was stroking my chin with a slouched back. Julian was staring at me in silence, he seemed curious about whatever was going on in my mind.
I clear my throat before I speak, "Y-You could be right, Julian. If he has feelings for me, it would make sense why he went through so much for me. It makes the situation more awkward though…" I stroke my neck dimple with my hand and have a quick breath.
"I should talk to him, I have to. Even more, if he loves me. If I'm more direct, it might help him move on from the past. But what if, because I don't remember what went on in the past, it'll cause him to be more reluctant to open up? Then, things would become worse…"
"Y/N! I understand your worries, but besides everything, speak with him. Like you mentioned before, you want to thank him in the right way for what he has done for you. The appropriate path is to reach him. I'm sure that you are the one that will handle this ordeal better than anyone else. You are smarter and stronger than you think, Y/N."
Julian is staring at me with such determination. He tightens his grip on my hands, making me believe even more in what he said.
"I see… Julian. You had no idea that Asra and I knew each other before?" Curiosity killed the cat, I'm the cat. Who knows, I'm good at getting back to life, I would probably find my way to come back again. Anyway, it seems Julian is less uneasy than before. It looks like he's being more understanding of my interest.
Julian utters a sigh while ruffling his hair and scratches the back of his head.
"Not when you were alive, you never mentioned his name to me. Awhile after your death, Asra got back to Vesuvia. By the way, I knew Asra before I met you, before the plague. He worked a few times under Lucio, so I met him ages ago. Even then, Asra was so impossible to deal with. He has always been so enigmatic and peculiar haha!" It seems nostalgia overtook him. A crooked grin spread over his face.
Shortly after, Julian emits a brief grunt, and he pinches the bridge of his nose.
"Anyway, when he came back to Vesuvia, I found out you knew each other. We never talked about you. I never asked him how close the two of you were, since back then I felt guilty that I didn't discover in time you were sick. Still, I remember well how Asra was then. We worked to find a cure for the plague at the palace. Whenever he was there, he would daydream, nap or just be lazy in general. I noticed later that after he went home, he would do magic stuff until late at night, sometimes even until dawn."
"I-I didn't know what Asra was doing. Every time I inquired, he would give vague answers or change the subject. At the time I wanted to think this had to do with plague and that he was seeking in his own way. But now I realize w-what he was doing…"
Julian made a swift swallow, rubbed his sweaty palms in his white shirt, and then he looks at me in the eye.
"A-Asra, he was trying to find the right ritual to revive you. So, I guess for someone like him to act so erratic during those times... He was desperate, like how I was, but of course, he was desperate to bring you back."
Julian's description of Asra's behavior sounds authentic with the Asra I met after he revived me. He seemed despondent, shaken, but also pleased he had achieved what he had sacrificed so much for. That memory is so bittersweet now…
"Thank you, Julian. Uhh, now I know why you believe that I should talk to him. I know it wasn't easy, so I'm glad you did this for me."
A warm smile appears on my face, Julian utters a sigh and his body loosened from the tension. I tucked behind my ear a strand of my hair and then I clench my fists.
"I-I have decided, I will talk to him, so I can end that chapter of my life, finally!"
The clouds of uneasiness dispersed, one by one, from Julian's carefully thought advice and his belief in me. My confidence was brimming after letting off my steam. These moments make me appreciate the most; that I have people that will listen to me about my worries and tell me if I'm going off the wrong path. The past and whatever happened during those times seem so trivial compared to what I have in the present. I'm sure that no matter what, I would never exchange what I have now for what the past hides from me under the shadows.
Julian chuckles, his laughter echoes the delighted state of my mind.
"That's my love! Your tenacity is radiating like one of those shining stars up there~!" He points with his finger up in the sky.
As his finger relaxes, he looks at me with his broad grin. "You only needed my help to add fuel to that fire of yours haha!"
After that ridiculous remark, we share each other's joyful auras. When we calmed down, I was considering when I should confront Asra about my concerns. The best choice to approach him is tomorrow after we both get some decent rest tonight. All of us that fought the damn Devil need an enjoyable sleep. Or I could talk to him now? Right after that thought, my eagerness raised up and with a steady growth reached the top. I knew it wasn't the most proper time to talk to Asra now, but the anticipation entangled my insides. With each passing of seconds, it became more difficult to stay put.
"Sooo~! Where were we?" Realization kicked me from Julian's sudden closeness. Because I was in deep thoughts, I didn't realize how much Julian closed the space between us. I could sense his warm breath coming from his slightly open mouth. My elbows were already under his hands' grasp. He moves from my joints, holds my palms and then intertwined our fingers together. Now that I was aware of my position, a swallow goes down my throat and my sight turned towards his. As I meet his eyes, Julian wiggles one of his eyebrows as a sign of invitation. Hmm…
I unleash myself from this entwine and stood up from the bench, "I will talk to Asra, right now!" As I say that I start to head back to the palace.
"Huh? Er, w-what?!" Julian's expressions shifted in those few actions of mine from confused to shocked. And then his mind absorbed what transpired in front of him.
"Wait, w-wait Y/N!" As his hurried exclamation hit my ears, my pace came to a halt.
My head bends to face him. It was a little hard to stand in one place from the surge of anticipation I was experiencing. But for him, it is always worth it to endure as much as I can.
"Are you sure about talking to him tonight? Maybe it is best to—-"
"I know it would be better to approach him tomorrow, but I feel like doing that right now. After I vent out to you, I want to talk to him as soon as I can, so I won't concern myself with things I don't remember anymore." I spin my entire body towards his direction.
"Thanks to you, I'm ready to deal with that now." I tilt my head sideways and offer him an adoring gaze. My hands land on my hips while I give him an enormous smile. It seems my posture is emanating my hope and faith since a lopsided grin spreads on Julian's face.
"Well then, I guess there's nothing that will stop you now, haha! You don't even need me to wish you luck because, with that attitude, you will do just fine!" In the end, a chortle escapes from him.
He tilts his head, orienting it at my stand "What are you waiting for then?"
His arm extended, and his hand faced downwards. Soon he wiggles his fingers "Move along… Shoo shoo~"
A smile from ear to ear appeared on me after his little tease. When I took the first step to go, something passed through my mind. I decided to not let that thought vanish without fulfilling its own purpose.
Again I swing my head sideways; I couldn't hide my Cheshire cat grin.
"Julian?"
He stares at me with his narrow eyes, "After I'm done, we can pick up where we left off hehe!"
As soon as I end my speech, his chin trembles and his cheeks were glowing with a beautiful crimson.
A cackle burst out as a boast for following my gut. Before I take off, I give him a swift wink and blow him a loving kiss. And I ran towards the palace. I hope Asra is still in the palace and I can resolve this tonight. I wonder how many mischiefs I and Julian will get into together after I handle this ordeal. It has been such a while since I have been so happy with myself and the people I'm surrounded with. So no matter what the future holds, with them I believe I can achieve anything.