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fifteen and seventeen.
sunwoo stops practicing when he hears the door of the practice room open. he looks over his shoulder and sees a lamb-looking boy peeking.
despite being confused, he bows to show respect for the other and greets him, in which the petite boy does the same.
“hi, i’m new here, i just got in yesterday,” the boy utters in a small voice as he completely enter the room and closes the door, “my name is choi chanhee,” he walks towards sunwoo’s direction and offers his hand.
“oh, hi,” the younger takes his hand, a little bit surprised by the delicateness of his pale skin, “i’m kim sunwoo, i’m a trainee for around 1 to 2 months now,”
“oh, so you’re my senior huh,” chanhee says with a giggle, trying to break the awkward ice between the two of them.
“yeah, you can just call me senior sunwoo,” the younger banters back with a silly smile that earned laughter from chanhee.
“i was just practicing my rap,” sunwoo continues, “what’s your position?”
“i’m a vocalist,” the older shyly mutters as he breaks his gaze from sunwoo to look at the ground.
curiosity begins to fill sunwoo’s mind as to what kind of voice the other has, considering his speaking voice is already so soft and warm, “can you sing for me?”
sunwoo himself is taken aback by his own mouth, eyes widening the second after he utters those five words. chanhee has the same reaction as sunwoo, cheeks burning red with the sudden request from what can be considered as a complete stranger.
“what?”
“no i mean, i just got curious with your voice,” nervousness visible in the voice of the younger as he scratches the back of his head and looks away, “if you want i can show you my rap first, then you sing, but like if you don’t want to then it’s totally good i understand,” he continues almost too fast.
chanhee finds him cute with how he panics, he chuckles and makes his way to the bench located a few meters away from him, “alright then, you first, senior,” he jokes as he sits, ready to listen to sunwoo has got.
sunwoo’s cheeks reddens, as he cough to remove the imaginary lump he’s feeling in his throat, “alright,”
despite being nervous, he starts to rap and chanhee feels as if he has changed into another person. the nervousness in his face awhile ago vanished. the look in his eyes are different from how they were minutes ago, they seem to be more dark and concentrated as compared to the innocent eyes he first saw. his voice has so much power in each words he say and he has control over it, veins visibly arises on his neck, which puts chanhee in awe.
when he finishes, the older couldn’t help but clap for the rapper, he did such an amazing job despite just performing in front of a trainee like him, “you’re really good,” he says with so much reverence in his voice.
sunwoo shows a shy smile and continues his way towards where chanhee is seating, “your turn,”
chanhee gives him an awkward smile as he clicks his head and makes his way in front of sunwoo. he bites his lower lip, as he breathes in hard. he has never performed to someone with the just the two of them inside a room before, “okay, i’ll start,”
chanhee folds his right hands’ palm into a fist and acts as if it’s a microphone. he clears his throat and sunwoo can visibly see him fiddle with the hem of his cotton white shirt using his other hand. he closes his eyes and begins to sing. as he lets out the first word, the younger’s mouth agapes without him noticing as his voice portrays nothing but softness and delicateness all over it. sunwoo feels as if he haven’t heard any voice as soft as his before, it is as if he’s in the middle of a cotton-like cloud. chanhee is singing a love song that sunwoo’s never heard of, it is a story about a man falling in love, and the younger feels each emotion in every word the other sings, and he wonders if chanhee’s in love or if he had fallen in love before.
as soon as chanhee finishes singing, he opens his eyes and meets sunwoo’s. the older looks away, ears bright red from nervousness and embarrassment.
“i think i know now why they picked you,” sunwoo says when he gets his mind together, confusing chanhee, “your existence is important for the group,”
a really adorable smile breaks in chanhee’s lips at what the younger just said. it’s probably the biggest compliment he has ever received, and the fact that it is from someone he just met, makes it even special for him.
both of them chatted for a while, getting closer to each other as minutes pass by when a cellphone ring broke the conversation they were having about their dreams.
“hello?” chanhee picks up his phone, gaining curiosity from the younger lad who has his eyes fixated on him.
the older stays silent for a few seconds, then opens his mouth as what seems like a sign of realization as he looks in his wristwatch, “right, of course, okay i’m on my way,” he says and ends the call with a bye. sunwoo doesn’t want to seem nosy so he waits for chanhee to say something.
“that was another new trainee, he’s my high school friend, we got in together, you probably haven’t met him yet, his name’s kim younghoon,” chanhee says, while putting back his phone on his pocket, “i promised him we’d go get ice cream today, you should come along,” he says in a cheerful voice as his eyes sparkle with hopefulness.
the invitation tempts sunwoo, however he hesitates. he thinks it over, and the first thought that comes into his mind is possibly third wheeling between the two of them. he thought, that maybe, the reason why the other was so immersed in that love song is that he’s actually inlove with his friend. and yes, he also know very well that he’s being overdramatic. in the end, he shakes in refusal, “no, it’s alright, i have to practice,” he smiles apologetically and uses practice as an excuse.
chanhee’s smile slightly drops, “that sucks, i still want to talk to you though, i think we really click,” sunwoo notices how his stomach felt funny when the older mentioned those words, “but i totally understand, anyway, see you tomorrow sunwoo, it was really nice meeting you,”
both of them declares their bye-byes to each other and sunwoo’s eyes follows chanhee’s back as he finally exits the room.
a few seconds passes and sunwoo’s gaze is still fixed on the door as he thinks about the new trainee who just got out of it and how captivating his voice was. he doesn’t know what the title of the song is, but one thing he knows is that he felt love in his body. whether it is because of the song, or the boy who sang it, he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t have the courage to pry over it any longer.
-
sixteen and eighteen.
sunwoo puts his two suitcases near the kitchen, just like the rest of them, as he sits beside changmin. chanhee then follows and sits at the left side of sunwoo which was empty. it is their first day living in a dorm, and sangyeon asked all twelve of them to sit in a circle in the living room to talk about certain stuff for their dorm life.
“so first, how do y’all want to settle the roommates?” sangyeon speaks up in a loud voice which almost echoes in the entire dorm as it is still quite empty.
sunwoo absentmindedly looks over his left, and sees younghoon whispers something to chanhee’s ear. chanhee chuckles in a low volume and simply shakes his head. sunwoo, who feels weird all of a sudden, looks away.
“do y’all have anyone who you want to be roommates with?” the oldest continues when no one answered.
sunwoo feels the person in his left raise his hand, “me!” must be younghoon, sunwoo thought, “i want to be roommates with him,” he says energetically. the rapper looks at him and to his surprise, he sees chanhee pointing his index finger directly at him.
“me?” he asks in disbelief, why would he choose me when younghoon is literally beside him?
“yeah, why not?” the older answers with a smile, cheekbones high and prominent.
“what do you think, sunwoo?” the oldest questions him and he can feel each and every member’s gaze at him.
imagining chanhee as his roommate, him in his pajamas as he sleeps soundly, had his stomach feeling weird again, and the tingling feeling electrifies through every part of his body up until the tips of his fingers and toes.
he gulps, “nah, i don’t want to be stuck with chanhee hyung,” he says firmly in a jokingly manner as he sways his head in both side which had the members laughing.
chanhee frowns and pouts as he lightly hit sunwoo’s arm, “why not?” he whines, and sunwoo finds him adorable, but he doesn’t say anything about it.
“i’m a light sleeper and you snore very loudly,” he defends. he doesn’t know where he got the ‘chanhee snores loudly’ part, he haven’t even seen him in his sleep.
the rest of the members just fascinatingly look at them as they squabble, the two of them have grown so close, they tease each other whenever and wherever.
it all started when they were having their summer vacation, and sunwoo teased chanhee for not knowing how to swim which gained him a very cute reaction from the older. since then, sunwoo would tease him whenever he has the chance, and chanhee did the same.
“when did i even snore?” chanhee whimpers in astonishment, eyes turning round. the younger snickers at his reaction as he feels as if he finally got to see the reason why he always teases him. this is exactly why.
sangyeon stops their little quarrel and continues to decide on everyone’s roommates. in the end, they’ve decided to play a game in which had younghoon and juyeon as sunwoo’s roommate, and eric as chanhee’s.
sunwoo lays in bed later that night thinking, if he didn’t joke around during that time when chanhee bravely said he wanted him to be his roommate, he wonders how would things be different for him in the future. the weird turning of his stomach and the lump in his throat comes back as he thinks about the future of him with chanhee, and for a swift second, he thinks he made the right choice. as the night deepens, he feels like none of this feels right, not having him sleeping on the top bunk bed doesn’t feel right, but he brushes it off and pushes the thought at the very back of his mind, hoping it would get lost somewhere in there, and never find its way ever again.
-
eighteen and twenty.
“you keep on delaying it, when will we go?” chanhee groans, plumping himself on the chair in front of sunwoo who is eating a bowl of jacob’s cereal early in the morning.
weirdly enough, only the two of them are awake when it’s only 8 in the morning, considering how the both of them are not the type to get out of bed early.
“i’m busy these days,” he simply replies, trying his best not to give the person in front of him, who currently has his puppy eyes out, a glance.
“i barely see you do anything significant this week, what are you talking about,” chanhee banters, kicking his feet back and forth nonstop below the table, feeling unfair.
he feels a pang of guilt all over his chest because chanhee wasn’t wrong, he isn’t busy at all. he’s done doing every school assignments he had and he’s also done with writing rap lyrics he is supposed to pass tomorrow.
“i said yes when changmin hyung said he’ll go to the cinema with us, i don’t want to go with you alone,” sunwoo defends, the volume of his voice raising a key higher. he continues to eat his cereal and nonchalantly takes a quick glance on chanhee who now has his arms crossed and his right eyebrow raised.
“why don’t you want to go with me alone?” he asks curiously.
sunwoo was about to open his mouth to answer when he realizes, he himself has no idea either. these days he feels uncomfortable around chanhee. he may act like he’s cool about everything, but in reality he feels restless whenever he is with him. his body keeps on reacting weirdly and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.
thankfully, chanhee continues, “is it because i eat all of the popcorn?”
that definitely isn’t the case, but sunwoo will gratefully take it, “yes,”
chanhee gives up and leans back to the chair’s back support, and mutters a small fine before he leaves sunwoo and as soon as he leaves, sunwoo heaves a deep sigh and puts his palm on his chest to feel it’s enormous beating. he thinks, i must be crazy.
-
nineteen and twenty one.
sunwoo closes his eyes and feels the night breeze hit his skin. he feels the weight of each side of his body due to the tiredness. sunwoo has always liked the night breeze. it is refreshing, and the darkness and quietness of the surrounding makes it better. the only light he sees is the moon and stars, and sometimes the faint light from the street lamp across the road. he hears nothing but the sound of the wind howling, the leaves lightly hitting each other because of it, and the night crickets.
he heaves out a sigh. it’s been a long day of practice.
“what’s with the sigh?” he hears a tender voice splutter. he opens his eyes and looks at the direction from where the voice came from.
he sees chanhee in his pink pajamas with the head of stitch printed all over it. he finds him cute.
“what are you doing here?” he asks, not answering his question. chanhee sits beside him and mirrors sunwoo’s position, both feet on the ground, both arms crossed, and head pulled back resting on the head rest.
“couldn’t sleep,” he simply replies. sunwoo observes as chanhee’s eyes flutter for a moment until they finally close. he feels a weird lump on his throat, he looks pretty.
sunwoo shakes his thought off his mind and removes his gaze from the older.
he closes his eyes and tries to find the peace that he had before chanhee interrupted him. just when he is about to find his peace of mind, chanhee speaks, “would you mind if i rest my head on your shoulder?”
sunwoo keeps his eyes closed, but he inhales sharlpy and stops for a second at the unexpected question. sunwoo feels the churning of his stomach again, the thing he only feels when he’s with him.
“why?” he questions nonchalantly (or at least he tried) in a small voice.
“i feel uncomfortable and i’m cold,” sunwoo opens his eyes and looks at the older, he sees chanhee looking at him with a tint of hope in his eyes, body leaning closer to sunwoo than it was earlier.
sunwoo feels the lump in his throat again. he gulps and hesitates. his mind thinks of reasons why he should and why he shouldn’t let chanhee rest his head on his shoulder just as fast as his pulsating heart.
“i—“ sunwoo clears his throat and retracts his gaze from chanhee, “i don’t want to, my shoulder will hurt because of your big head,” he banters almost too nervously. he wishes chanhee won’t notice.
chanhee lets out a laugh and hits his arm, “hey, my head ain’t big,” sunwoo feels his shoulder relax when chanhee replies with another banter, just like how their usual conversation flows whenever they tease each other.
“go inside if you feel chilly in here, you’ll catch a cold,” he says in a softer manner this time as he push chanhee’s arm, prompting him to go inside.
“fine, fine, i got the cue, you don’t want me here, i’ll go now,” chanhee sprouts in defeat as he stands. he laughs jokingly while saying it.
sunwoo knows he is just kidding around but he feels a pang in his chest.
he lets out a heavy sigh, and rubs his face using his two palms. the night breeze always helps him find peace, but now, it did nothing but make his mind hazier.
-
twenty and twenty two.
it is already 2am and the members are still having a blast in their living room as their youngest members finally turn adults today. january 1, 2020. they’ve been drinking since the clock stroke 12, and some of the members that are light drinkers are already knocked out in their beds. the only one left are the three oldest, along with juyeon, haknyeon, chanhee, and sunwoo.
sunwoo, who surprisingly has a high alcohol tolerance, sees his members slowly getting drunk for their drunk habits slowly unveils one by one. sangyeon, being a pretty good drinker, still looks intact, jacob, younghoon, and juyeon being louder than usual, and haknyeon, who’s the exact opposite of three as he is a lot quieter when he’s tipsy. chanhee on the other hand, still acts the way he usually does, only, his cheeks are coloured in bright pink.
“hey, let’s play truth or dare,” younghoon says as he frivolously puts an empty bottle of soju at the top of the small table, gaining positive feedbacks from the rest.
the seven of them moves closer to the table as younghoon spins the bottle. it took at least 3 seconds before it finally lands on someone which happened to be jacob, as he bravely picks dare.
sangyeon, knowing jacob is a scaredy-cat, dares him to lock himself in the bathroom for a minute with no lights. despite being drunk, terror in jacob’s eyes are vividly seen as soon as sangyeon said his dare.
jacob heads to the bathroom with heavy footsteps and as soon as a minute passed, they hurriedly check up on him because they felt kind of off having jacob not scream out of fear, only to see him passed out with his head on the toilet bowl.
sangyeon and haknyeon helps him get up and lays him on his bed. even after an eventful truth or dare on its first spin, younghoon continues to spin the bottle for a second round as soon as sangyeon and haknyeon came back.
the bottle lands on sunwoo.
he wails in despair, and the members just answered him with a laugh, “truth or dare?” younghoon excitingly asks.
sunwoo thinks for a quick second, considering what the dare was for jacob, he thought it’d be a lot safer and easier if he chooses truth, “i’ll go with truth,”
the members teases him for choosing an easy route, throwing aye, you’re no fun here and there, in which he only answers with a make face.
“i have nothing to ask, i feel like i already know everything about you,” younghoon whines as he wriggles his feet.
“me! i have something i’m curious about,” haknyeon raises his hand with a big smile plastered on his face like a kid who had just been asked if he wanted a cookie.
all eyes are on him as he asks the question which threw sunwoo off guard, “do you like chanhee hyung?”
there was a very quick silent moment before sangyeon and younghoon goes ‘oh~’ and chanhee simply smiles as he raises his right eyebrow, avoiding to look at sunwoo’s face.
“what kind of question is that?” sunwoo asks in disbelief, his voice a bit higher than usual as he feels his face heat up.
“dude, the more you hate, the more you love, you tease chanhee hyung that much because you actually like him, don’t you?” haknyeon continues, the teasing smile not leaving his face.
“of course i like chanhee hyung, it’d be weirder if i hated him,” he manage to say in defence. he suddenly feels the weird lump on his throat again, and swiftly takes his bottle of soju and gulps it down.
“come on, not in that sense, like romantically,” haknyeon replies which made sunwoo put his bottle of soju back on the table.
he can feel his heartbeat bang inside his chest rapidly along with the churning of his stomach. he suddenly feels restless with the sudden confrontation, the same feeling he felt when he was eight years old and was confronted about the vase in their living room that he accidentally broke and tried to hide the truth about it. anxiousness is noticeable in his face as his eyes roams around anywhere but chanhee.
“i don’t like him like that,” he stutters, barely having those words out of his mouth. he doesn’t dare to look at chanhee.
he doesn’t realize he had been holding his breath until haknyeon approves of his answer as he simply shrugged his shoulder and passive-aggressively replies with: “whatever you say,”
the game went on just like that and sunwoo didn’t felt like himself the whole time. he thinks of different scenarios in his head, thinking maybe it wouldn’t have been like that if he answered dare— or if he said the truth, his truth.
sunwoo is not dumb. he may not know exactly what he’s feeling but he’s aware of what chanhee is to him and he is definitely not just his hyung nor his friend.
he came to realize it not too long ago when he noticed how he feels when he’s with chanhee has such a significant difference as compared to when he’s just with eric, or haknyeon, or literally the rest of their members. he came to realize it when he felt his heart being pricked by a thousands of needles whenever chanhee gets too close to younghoon. he came to realize it when he experienced what people in the romantic movies he had been watching felt whenever they are deep in love.
he wonders if things would’ve turned out if he said the truth, but he quickly brushes it off because during that time he said the truth about the broken vase, it didn’t go well. he knows it won’t go well.
-
twenty and twenty two.
haknyeon stands up and goes to his room, following sangyeon and younghoon who left a few minutes ago, leaving sunwoo and chanhee alone in the living room without the both of them noticing.
they played truth or game a few more rounds after that and it never landed again on sunwoo and it never once landed on chanhee.
sunwoo feels the thick air surround the two of them, he doesn’t know if it’s just him being intoxicated with alcohol.
he had never felt this kind of atmosphere with chanhee because usually, the both of them would just have a dispute over petty things. it feels unfamiliar.
sunwoo inhales sharply when a tender voice breaks the deafening silence, “let’s play one more round,”
“what?” sunwoo finally looks at chanhee as he asks. this is the first time he’s looking at him after that glimpse he took before he answers haknyeon’s question. chanhee has a poker face on, and he isn’t looking at sunwoo either.
“let’s play one more round,” he adamantly replies, this time looking at sunwoo. the younger feels his inside turn upside down with just one look from him.
“but there’s only the two of us,”
“and?”
“okay,” sunwoo thinks that chanhee is already befuddled with the amount of alcohol he had contained, so he gives up.
chanhee spins the bottle gently, both of them dead silence as they anxiously wait to see whom it lands on, the only noise that can be heard is the sound of the glass lightly tapping and sliding at the wooden table.
the bottle slows down, and finally lands on someone, “truth or dare?” he smiles, finally putting a grin on his face, but it feels a little bit vicious than usual.
“dare,” sunwoo bravely says, thinking how choosing truth might just put him in more trouble. he doesn’t want to be confronted the same way he had been earlier, choosing dare probably won’t do any harm.
what chanhee proceeded to say made sunwoo’s whole system shut down, and the only thing he could hear is his heart raging to get out of his rib cage.
“kiss me,”
sunwoo looks at him with so much danger in his eyes, chanhee’s grin has turned into a smirk, an extremely perilous one at that, “hyung, are you drunk?” he speaks haltingly with so much suspicion in his voice as he can’t fathom what the older just dared him to do.
chanhee simply chuckles, eyes not leaving sunwoo’s, “i’m not,”
there it is again. the lump in his throat. the tingling feeling that electrifies him in every part of his body.
“but you—“ he barely manages to say when chanhee cut him, “it’s okay if you don’t want to do it, it’s just a dare,” the older says carefully.
“but it’s not just a dare for me,” sunwoo weakly mutters, eyes losing focus as they trail on chanhee’s lips. the urge to close their distance and smash the older’s lips onto his is growing stronger every second, curious with how it would feel having chanhee’s pink soft lips onto his.
chanhee sees the way sunwoo’s eyes changes as he looks into his lips. he unconsciously licks the side of it, feeling the dryness that was barely even there, “what?” he says and it almost sounded like a whisper.
sunwoo no longer has control over himself and vastly leans in to chanhee’s face, and just when he is only a few centimetres away, he stops. he feels chanhee’s warm breathe on his mouth, their lips faintly brushing onto each other which gave sunwoo chills.
chanhee couldn’t wait any longer and swiftly closes the small distance the both of them had.
sunwoo rests his hand on chanhee’s nape and slightly tilts his head to deepen the kiss, whereas chanhee’s puts his on sunwoo’s waist. chanhee delicately nibbles the younger’s lower lip which makes sunwoo smile in between the kiss.
chanhee pulls away, but only stays a few centimetres away from him, lips softly grazing the other’s, both of their eyes shut closed, appreciating every single second of this moment. the older gives him a chaste kiss one more time and continues to rest his head onto the crook of sunwoo’s neck and the younger rests his head onto chanhee’s.
they stayed like that for a few seconds when sunwoo speaks up, “what was that?”
“a dare,” chanhee laughs on sunwoo’s neck, feeling the lips of chanhee tenderly coming in contact with sunwoo’s skin along with his warm breathe which gave sunwoo goosebumps all over.
“hyung,” he whines, as he wrap the small figure of the older in his arms and wiggles him.
chanhee, still laughing, gets out of sunwoo’s hug and faces him, “what? it’s just a kiss, you said you don’t like me like that,” he replies teasingly, lips in a form of pout as he jokingly pushes sunwoo’s shoulder.
“i lied okay, i got scared because i thought you didn’t like me,” frustration visible in sunwoo’s face as he frowns, along with unconsciously mirroring chanhee’s pout.
“dumbass, i like you,” chanhee calmly lets out with a beaming smile in his face, “like a lot, you’re just too dense to notice,” he continues and doesn’t miss the chance to tease sunwoo.
the bubble of worries in sunwoo’s chest pops with chanhee’s words, he overlooks chanhee’s teasing (because honestly, he wasn’t wrong) and focuses on the good part. he tries to act cool about it and put on a poker face but he fails miserably as he can’t remove the genuine grin plastered on his face.
“i like you too,” sunwoo proudly states, embracing chanhee with his warmth, “you can’t take this back and suddenly say that you were just drunk or anything like that okay,” he says right before chanhee’s ear.
“i won’t dumbass, i’m not drunk and i barely even drank, you were just too caught up in your own world, you didn’t take even glance at me,” the older says and timidly hit sunwoo in his chest in between the hug.
sunwoo’s grin grows even bigger and he feels like his face is about to get ripped but he doesn’t care. all that time he thought chanhee wasn’t looking at him, he didn’t know they were just missing each other’s stolen glimpses, “wow, i guess you really like me that much, huh,”
chanhee laughs and from a hug posture, he continues to headlock the younger which made him yelp in surprise.
the night ends with the both of them snuggling in chanhee’s bed after minutes of head locking each other and confessing their love after five years of painfully pining over one another.