Work Text:
Triggers: Depression, Suicidal thoughts
Amy and Jake are not together though they do have feelings for each other.
Jake was thirty minutes late for work. That wasn't unusual, however, as Jake was almost always late. But when another twenty minutes passed and Jake still wasn't at work, the others certainly noticed that something felt different in the air. It didn't help that it was raining outside and that everything looked gloomy, but It wasn't like Jake to be almost an hour late for work.
Amy was the most worried out of everyone because she had noticed that in the past week Jake had been acting strangely. He hadn't been eating as much and was quieter than usual. He cracked fewer jokes, talked less, didn't loudly announce his drug bust and worst of all, he stopped talking about Die Hard as much, only referencing every so often. Worried for her colleague, Amy called Rosa, Charles, and Terry into the break room for a meeting.
"Does anyone know where Jake is?" She asked bluntly, scanning the people standing in the room with her.
Everyone shook their heads and an uncomfortable silence fell across the room, almost as if the world had stopped spinning and that all oxygen had been ripped out of the air, depriving everyone of their ability to breathe.
"Okay, did he mention anything about being anywhere this morning to any of you yesterday?" Amy asked, once again receiving multiple "no's" in response.
"Something feels wrong," Rosa said, an unsettling feeling resting in the pit of her stomach.
"I'll call him," Charles said, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone, dialing his best friend's phone number.
A few dial tones are heard echoing throughout the room before it goes to Jake's voicemail. The color draining out of Charles' face as he calls Jake again. Still no answer.
"I'll call him," Terry speaks up. "Not to toot my own horn but he likes talking to me," Terry said, joking mostly to hide his worry.
Once again, the call went to voicemail. Terry stared at his phone in worry and disbelief. If Jake didn't answer his call, it meant something was wrong. Jake always answered the phone when Terry called, everyone knew that.
"Something's wrong, let's go. Now," Rosa spoke, immediately heading towards the door.
There was no protest from anyone else as they all headed to the elevator. Terry went over to the captain's office and told Holt of the situation, which Holt replied that he was going with them. Of course, since everyone else was leaving, Gina wanted to go with them, especially since it concerned her childhood friend.
They all went to the lobby and exited the precinct, hopping in their cars and taking off in the direction of Jake's apartment. Luckily, when they got to the building, someone had just left which meant they were able to sneak into the building while the door was closing slowly. They quietly ran up the stairs until they made it to Jake's room, to which they gently knocked on the door. When there was no response, Terry knocked a little louder, his worry increasing by the second along with everyone else's.
When there was still no response, Amy turned the door handle, a slight relief washing over her for a brief second when the door was unlocked meaning that Jake was home. However, that relief was short-lived when they walked inside to see Jake on his knees on the balcony. Even though the door was closed, they could tell he was crying as his shoulders shook with each sob.
"I-I'll go. If he'll talk to anyone, it'll be me," Gina said, fear striking her heart at the worry of a possible relapse from Jake's teenage years.
At the sound of the door opening, Jake's head whipped around to see who was there. He relaxed a little at the sight of Gina, not noticing the others inside, which also meant he missed the looks on their faces when they saw how red his eyes were from crying, streaks running down his cheeks from the tears. Gina took a seat next to Jake and rested her head on his shoulder, a comforting action that she had done years ago when Jake had been in a dark place from a recent, and might I add an awful visit from his dad.
Gina did this as a way to see if Jake would react the same way he did those years ago.
When he almost took his own life.
Gina's heart dropped when Jake rested his head on hers, the same thing he did back then, confirming her suspicions of what was happening. She took his hand and rubbed gentle circles on the back of his hand to try to calm him down as small sobs still choked their way out. Jake wiped the tears off of his face with his other hand and sniffled a little, silence settling over the two.
"Do you wanna tell me why?" Gina asked, knowing Jake would understand what she meant.
Jake hesitated before shaking his head slightly. Gina closed her eyes briefly before taking a breath in and sighing gently, afraid for the well being of her friend.
"You sure?" Jake once again shook his head, unsure of what to do this time.
He was hurting. He wanted it to end. But he had so much to love. So much to lose. Was it worth it? End his own suffering only for the suffering of others. No.
Jake took a shaky breath before pausing, unsure of where to start. Instead of speaking about how he wanted Gina to help, he slid his gun towards her from where it was hidden under his legs. Gina's heart stopped when she realized when he was giving her, though she was grateful that he was trying to get help before it was too late. Gina took the gun carefully and slid it far away from both of them, though it was now in the view of everyone else.
Amy's breath hitched when she saw, instantly understanding what had almost happened. She looked at the others with tears in her eyes, realization dawning on them as well.
"I don't understand...?" Holt told them, his eyebrows furrowed.
Amy tried to talk but was unable to as she couldn't stop thinking about losing her friend. Terry gave the captain a solemn look which seemed to aid Raymond in the direction of understanding as his gaze softened up. He looked forward back at the two on the balcony, uttering a soft "oh" before the room plunged back into silence.
Once again, Jake took a shaky breath, wanting to tell Gina but unsure of how.
"I'm sorry."
Gina lifted her head up from his shoulder and looked him in the eyes, the eye contact only holding for so long before Jake looked away and back at the city-line.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. You had a rough childhood. It wasn't your fault, okay? People hurt you. You don't have to be sorry. I just wish you came to me sooner, that's all,"
Jake nodded and looked down at his lap. He wasn't sure what to say. Unbeknownst to him, Gina had left the door open so that if anything important was said, she wouldn't have to explain to the others as they would have heard as well.
"He came back again. Last week," Jake told her, not needing to say anymore as Gina, once again, understood.
"Oh," was all she said in response.
Only Gina knew how bad his father had been to him. To everyone else, his father only left him and his mother, but Gina and Jake knew how much of an awful man he had been. Jake still had scars from that man, both mental and physical.
"We're gonna get you through this, okay?" Gina told him, taking both of his hands. "We did it once before, we're gonna do it again. And next time, call me if he comes back. I'll kick him 'till next year," Gina said, trying to lighten the mood just a little, which was successful.
Jake chuckled a little before sniffling. Maybe things would be okay again.