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Okay, deep breath, just a few seconds and that that's it. Only a few seconds and I this will be either the best day of my life or the worst. I can either celebrate or shovel a big hole where I will bury myself in. At least those are the only two options I can think of. Thinking of it, this maybe wasn't the best idea I had in my life.
"So Zac, a little bird told me that you swam with sharks? tell me about that."
Okay, that's it, it's starting and I wish I was more confident. I can still hear my mother when she first congratulated me and seconds later wanted to slap my head.
"What are you thinking, taking such a monumental and big moment, this romantic gesture AND THEN DRAG IT INTO A SHOW??? I really thought I raised you better"
And she did, she did raise me right, you can see that in the way I treat a woman. To be honest years ago I was afraid of ending up with a woman who couldn't do anything else than throwing my money around while she was at home the whole day doing nothing. A Money greedy witch that was nothing more than another *Real Housewife of* whatever. I was really afraid that this type was everything I could find...scary. But instead I was lucky enough to find one that took my hand ans walked with me...sometimes walked even a littler faster and but always pulled me with her.
The first time I saw her beautiful eyes war a little over four years ago. I was scheduled for another Interview with Ellen that day to talk about my newest project. I was supposed to be the last guest on that day, which would would mean I come in just on time to go through the styling and change into something else before they call for me. On that day though I had nothing else to do which was very rare for me. Usually I was so cramped with Appointments that enjoyed it so much not to need to run out of the house early in the morning for my morning workout in the gym, just so race to the first interview of the day or Photo shooting or the set, or whatsoever. No, instead I could sleep in and have a normal quiet and relaxed breakfast...it was heaven. afterwards I drove to my gym for my daily workout, get back home to shower and change and then drive to the studio where they recorded the show. Okay to be honest, the fact that I'M always so busy is because I'm a huge workaholic. i don't know why, is just like to use the day to get done as much as possible. So because I'm not used to have all this time on my hand, i was way to early on set. So I was sitting in my Room and checked my social media, texted with my family and some friends and was thinking about what Ellen could possibly had in her sleeve for me. at least until my stomach started to growl like a hungry wolf. I knew that Ellen hat a catering for her staff and guests so I decided to get something to eat, not much, before the show. On my way I met some of her team and some of the families of other guests who I talked to on the way to the catering are. on all of ma previous visits on the show I checked the food maybe twice...unfortunately at both times I had to regret that decision. The food wasn't gross or disgusting or something in a horrible way, of course not otherwise Ellen would have kicked the chef out way sooner. The was legit... what's the word the would be the best, oh yeah...boring, yeah boring is the word that describes it the best.
I mean yes, I know that I'm more than honest when I say that I'm not the best cook in this country...not even in the City, but when I eat, o matter if I cooked it myself or go our for Dinner/Lunch or whatsoever, I do have some expectations on my food. This time I was already surprised when I saw all the different kinds of pastry, salads, fruits and vegetables, meat, bread...wow that was what I called a buffet. before the choices weren't really big, lots of sugar or fat so that I had to go back to the gym after I left the studio and worked out until late. But again this time I was stunned, I had to look twice to make sure this was real. There was everything a healthy heart and body could ask for and I got so confused that I stood there for five or more minutes just staring at the food, without taking any. That hat to have hired a new chef, at least that was the only logical explanation for me. Besides the amount of different food, I really liked the little cards in front of some of the bowls and plates where you could read exactly what was in it. this way you could avoid taking the wrong think or have to go to the kitchen and ask about every single dish. I was still staring until I felt someone tapping on my shoulder. As I was turning to see who was next to me I was met with the most intense and beautiful eyes I ever saw. to this day I blame them to rob me of the ability to form an actual sentence in my head or my mouth. her smile was bright, warm and...also responsible for my brain to take a spontaneous vacation. In case your were wondering, I was making a complete fool of myself, just in case the description of this lovely young women didn't make this obvious enough.
"Can't find anything you like? Or do you look for something different?"
like an idiot all I could do was nod, with my mouth open and surprise that wasn't really the answer to anything.
"In case you are worried because you didn't had your interview already...then you probably shouldn't take any of the meat or something with sauce so you don't risk getting stains on your clothes. Also maybe no salads so you don't get anything green stuck between your teeth."
she was looking over the whole buffet while I still couldn't take my eyes off of her.
"I think the best option are some fruits and vegetables and to be naughty a little sweet as a treat. you can't go wrong with that."
and again all i could do was nodding, with my mouth still open. I was still standing there, staring into nothing because she was long gone. When I was able to move again I took what she said and took a place to eat. of course you can't make anything wrong with fruits and vegetables, but this cake I took really was a sin. it was so good that i took two more pieces on my way back to my room where is spent the rest of my time until on of the assistants came and called for me. The Interview was great, i mean of course what else do you expect when you have the chance to chat with Ellen Degeneres, still I couldn't forget that face of hers. it was so...just so, I couldn't think of any word to describe it. after the show ended i caught Ellen and talked to her about the food and that I wanted to thank the young woman who helped me find something to eat. after I gave her a description of the young woman, she told me the story of the sweet young and apparently extremely talented chef she discovered when she was out with her wife Portia. What happened was that both of them were so amazed from there dessert, that they wanted to talk to the pastry chef and thank him/her personally. after their talk, Ellen offered her the job in her team and the rest was history. Since them her team wasn't only stuffed with food but had a lot more energy. Besides her miracle work in the kitchen, her new chef had the great idea to give the leftovers of the food after a show to their local soup kitchens. The reasons where that she hated wasting good food and also this way they could really cook with needing to count the pieces of cake they need for the team and all like that. Again is was impressed and asked her if the girl was still there so that I could thank her. To cut the story short, we talked and i got her number and got a yes on my question if I could take her out for dinner some times. she was really interesting and and fascinating to just say thank you...which wasn't really the reason I wanted to talk to her. So I got a date...which took actually longer to make it happening than we both wanted. Thanks to modern technology though, also the fact that I got her number right away, we had plenty of calls and chances to text each other when I was away filming. This way we could learn a lot about the other ones. you know the basics, favorite color, movies, music, dream vacation and all that stuff. Although we knew all that stuff, she didn't talk a lot about herself which was really odd. We met a few days before our actual first date and walked along the beach. we bought some Ice cream and where talking a little before we sat down and she started to breathe a little heavier than usual. Naturally I asked what was wrong.
"I think you noticed that in our calls I don't really talk about myself so much."
I did, but I didn't wanted to put any pressure on her. maybe she was just a little shy when it came to personal stuff about her.
"To be honest I really hate these kind of talks, but I want to be honest with you so that you can decide what happens afterwards. this was the reason I wanted to meet you today."
I could see how uncomfortable she was with the situation but what she said made me tense too. Conversation that started this way, usually didn't end well. My brain produced a lot different things that could happen. The scariest ones where she would tell me that she already had a boyfriend, or that she admitted just agreeing to go out with me so that she would have her spot in the camera lights with me. So there we were, both kind of frozen and not saying a word. I don't know how it took but at some point she took a deep breath an just said it.
"I'm not a real woman...well i mean i am now but I wasn't born one."
After saying it, her face became completely red, just like a traffic light. All I could hear and feel was the mountain falling of my chest and sinking into the ocean. the next move wasn't anything I though of or a lot about, I just did it. I took her face in my hands and pulled her close until our lips met and sealed our first kiss. Honestly the Information that this was our first official kiss, didn't really reached my brain, I just concentrated on the fact on how warm and soft her lips felt against mine and how I never ever wanted to let it stop. I also already knew about the fact that she was a trans woman. Back when I talked to Ellen about her, the TV-Host already told me about it which, just by the way, was not important or a problem for me. Loving and being loved by someone is the greatest feeling in the world and for me it didn't matter what gender this person had. Our Kiss was great, addictive, soft, full of love and passion even though our lips didn't move...and i hated the fact that we had to break if off to catch air to breathe. After a second or two where we just enjoyed the last tingling on our lips we just smiled at each other, knowing that this was real and going somewhere good...and i was that little sparkle in her eyes that meant that she was completely happy with everything, as i discovered later in our relationship. a little later i told her that i already knew but wanted to wait until she said something. after that it took us four dates in five months to make one think more than clear. I was completely falling for her. I loved her like no one before and I wanted her to be mine. So at the fourth date I finally managed the courage to tell her how I feel what she answered with tears and a long kiss. Those years were the best of my young life and I'm so thankful that I could spent them with her at my side.
I know what you think and yes of course we also had our fights over the time, nothing is always just sunshine. I really can't explain it because I wasn't like this in my other relationships, but with her i could be really jealous. The worst was when I found out that there was this other chef at the team that always tried to flirt with my girl. Once I was picking her up from work and saw them. I completely lost it which ended in us having a big fight. The problem wasn't her, i never thought for one second that my girlfriend would cheat on me, never. It was the thought of some guy coming an taking her away from me that made me so angry. BUT she is no better than me, no matter what she says. Okay I have to admit it is super cute when she starts pouting over some stupid pictures of me and some acing colleague the gossip network throws out into this orbit of news. Beside the facts that those meeting were nothing more than that, meetings. I had a girlfriend at home that I love like crazy why would i risk that? Also our relationship was never a secret. We always showed up together and in every interview, when they asked who i would be dating or asked directly about her I was talking for hours about her and the things we do together, the pg13 stuff of course. There were so many pictures of us kissing on our lunch dates or when we where in the city or out for a walk with our dog, an anniversary present for her. Before we got together i got really annoyed by all that following me through the city and all but since I since we became an item, I don't mind it that much. I think it has a lot to do with the way she treats those situations. she stays calm and actually ignores all the stupid questions. Of course she accompanied me to red carped events where i can show her off a little, respectful needless to say. I liked that she could come to a lot of these events. She was always more in the background when i was talking to reporters and very understanding when they wanted pictures only of me. The only time she came back was when she saw that I got tense, like when the questions got to inappropriate or one of the female reporters tried to touch me more than just ones...she could be very possessive then and I loved it. So yeah that was our life together and we did everything a normal couple did to. loved each other, got presented in front of the families and moved in together. I could think about our love life to but if I start once I'll never stop again and that are things I don't like to share with others than her.
Two months ago I decided it was time for the questions of all questions. My brother offered his helping with finding the perfect ring for her, which in hindsight wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. we went to three different jewelries in town but none had a ring I could see on her hand. Lucky me my girlfriends mother had a family heirloom, an engagement ring that was passed on for generations and now it was hopefully her turn to wear it. So now i had the perfect ring for her, but when should I do it, where and freaking how?????? there were a million different things I could plan but nothing seemed to be good enough or original or fitting for us. it took me a week until I finally got the idea. We met at the show, or behind the scenes, so why not promising there to be together until the end? I talked to Ellen about my plan and she was on it from second one. The plan was that I would come in for another interview and she was supposed to scare me...at least that's what she thought, but in reality Ellen would give me a sign when she was close so that I could turn around, get on one knee and propose. The scaring thing would be nothing out of the ordinary for us, we do that from time to time at home.
So now we're back at the beginning. I'm nervous like crazy and hearing my heartbeat in my throat.
"Yes that's true. On our last vacation we were out with a boat and they also offered to swim with sharks and I thought, cool I wanna do that. I mean you know me, love the little adrenaline kick so yeah I did it."
And yes that is a true story. We were on vacation and this time we took my brother Dylan with us, who also came with us on that boat. Of course being brothers, both of us couldn't wait to get in the water. When is asked my baby if she wanted to come with us, her response was pointing her pointer finger very fast onto her forehead.
"Keep on dreaming, mister. Over my dead body...Ich glaube du spinnst."
Okay yeah I knew that this was what she was going to say, but sorry it's so sweet and cute when she starts cursing. She always waves with her hand when she gets really upset AND when she starts to curse in German, help because I can't stop laughing. You know, she is half German so she grew up with both languages and she even taught me some words, just so that i know hat shes complaining about.
"WOW, that had to be really scary. weren't you afraid?"
On the way her eyes are always moving to the side for a second, I can tell that my lovely girl is on her way to scare me.
"No not really!"
I say, playing my roll and to be honest it wasn't that scary. We were in the cage so nothing could go wrong.
"That means you Mister Zac Efron, aren't afraid of anything?"
A small kick on my foot is my sign, okay now or never.
"Just one thing."
with this I turn around and before she can do anything, I'm on my knee. Again I take a look int those amazing eyes that greeted me this morning again. I love waking up with her in my arms, kissing her shoulder or see the dancing on her face while we lay there and talk about the day or plans for the week. I'm taking her hand so that she can't run backstage and take a deep breath.
"Sweetheart, my love, my little beast."
I'm allowed to call her that, I got the permission to call her my little beast when she scares me, just like she can call me idiot.
"Four years ago. you sneaked your way into my brain and very fast deep into my heart. I can't describe to you what it means to meet a person that takes you not just with all your good sides but with all the bad that comes with it too, with all my strengths and failings. Someone who takes your hand and walks beside you no matter how many stones there are. I know what an amazing woman you are. you are confident, independent, smart, funny, incredible, beautiful...I could do that for hours, but what I want to say. Even though I know how strong you are, I love that you aren't to proud to take my hand and ask for help or even let me carry you on my hands and rely on me. I want to be your rock and love that when the wind is to strong I know that you will push me forward. To wake every morning with a kiss from your lips is the most amazing feeling I could ever imagine. Your voice is like a melody that i never want to get out of my head. I don't even mind when you put your cold feet under the blanket and push them right onto mine to warm them."
the audience starts to laugh and its time for the final part. I'm taking the box out of my pocket and open it. Of course she recognizes the ring and the tears that were blurring her vision, are running down her cheeks now. I myself have some tears in my eyes as well only because I'm so damn lucky to be here with her.
"Never ever, do I want to hold anybody else in my arms beside you, kiss anyone else or love anybody else. Today i give you may hand and want to ask you Anna Bauer, to do me the honor and become my wife?"
I know that I can't hold my own tears any longer.
"Finding a man, who loves me as the person I am, with everything that makes me, is a gift I often doubted to find one day. Then one you came around, with that smile that melted my heart and with that warmth of your heart your sealed my hand in yours with our first kiss. Those last years were the most beautiful thing that sometimes I was afraid that everything would have just been a dream and when I wake up I would be alone. Now you're kneeling in front of me, asking me to fulfill your dream, not knowing that we share this dream for so long already. I do, I do want to become your wife."
With that I rise up like a rocket while we both cry like babies. I pull my arms around her waist and kiss her...share our first kiss with my fiancée. again only because we have to breathe, we end our kiss and stay some kind of bubble where it's just us. we start to laugh at each other while I'll put the ring on her finger. The crazy audience, who is screaming and cheering pulls us back into reality and when we turn around we can see are more than moved, also happy tears crying, Ellen who congratulates us later backstage. Of course our families saw the show and when we come back into our house that night, we are celebrating our engagement with them.
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"...I now pronounce you, Husband and Wife. you may kiss the bride" finally, now she's mine. Mine to kiss, to love, to hold, to cherish, to walk together trough this life...as Mr. and Mrs. Efron. awesome, right?