Work Text:
“Won't you... feel lonely?”
Mutsuki turned to look at Hajime, still sleeping. He could sleep anywhere when he was tired. Moments ago he was sitting beside him, watching him sleep. It made Mutsuki feel calm, to have Hajime by his side. That's why he always listened to him more than anyone, because he wanted to have Hajime with him, to keep his heart at peace. Sawa's words made him realize that maybe he was being too obvious about the feelings he was so desperately trying to hide. He smiled at her.
“Yes, I will.” He had never talked about his feeling with anyone, afraid of what the others might think. After all, they all had been raised like family — even if not all of them were blood-related, like Hajime and himself —. But Sawa made him feel safe. It's not that he didn't trust his friends, but sometimes it was easier to talk to her, maybe because they hadn't known each other for a long time. “I just... I don't even know what he's going to do. He may go back to his home town for college, I don't have the courage to ask him, honestly.”
Mutsuki settled into the chair and directed his gaze to a specific point on the ceiling and took a deep breath. He could feel himself getting a little anxious and didn't want to cry in front of Sawa. He was also blushing a bit and the whole situation was a bit too embarrassing for him. Talking about his feelings for Hajime was something new, but he liked it, it was kind of liberating.
“You know, sometimes I get in this angry moods. It can be because I'm truly angry at someone, or it just happens without explanation. I think I take after mom on these things... But Hajime is always the one who can comfort me. It's like he clears everything up, I don't know how to describe it, I just feel calm and relaxed when I'm with him. I have always loved him, he was my best friend, like a big brother to me... But now... It's something more...”
His voice broke a little, and he had to blink a few times to keep the tears away. Sawa took his hand and smiled at him, even though Mutsuki was still not looking at her. But he smiled to the ceiling, grateful for Sawa's support.
“I haven't talked about this with anyone. I haven't told him, I'm too afraid. I'm afraid of losing him. I'm afraid of feeling lonely and anxious without him. I just want to be close to him, I don't need anything else. I'm happy like this, being the person he trusts the most, being able to stay by his side in moments like this when he's too tired to stand anyone else. There are so many things I love about him, like the way he is so caring with everyone or how hard he works to achieve his goals. How he's always the most responsible person in the room and how he's always willing to help anyone. And I could keep going for hours...”
Mutsuki finally turned to look back at Sawa, he was blushed and smiling. Hajime was still napping on the floor, apparently unaware of what was going on behind his back.
“But I like to think that, even if we're apart physically, our hearts will always stay close.”
“That's beautiful, senpai. I'm glad you told me.”
“Yes, I'm really glad I told you. Thanks for listening to me.”
Sawa left minutes later, leaving Mutsuki back on the floor, looking through the windows while Hajime smiled, laying behind his friend.