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Erik felt unusually antsy as he stood out on the street behind the opera house, waiting for Nadir to show up. He glanced at his pocket watch for what felt like the hundredth time in the last two minutes. Although he had become more used to taking trips outside lately, something about this one made him extra nervous.
Perhaps it was because he hadn’t seen Nadir in almost a year, though they had once seen each other quite regularly. The man had been introduced to him by Madame Giry shortly after she became aware of certain circumstances in the Phantom’s life - namely, that he was but a boy of fifteen when he first started haunting the opera house, and also that, despite his very obvious intelligence, he had never been to school. She had insisted that he meet with her daughter’s tutor, a man who tutored a great many of the young dancers and singers who performed in the operas but were still of school age. Erik had been highly suspicious of the man for a long time, but he had proved quite trustworthy and had taught him a great deal in many subjects from algebra to architecture and literature to science. Erik had been a good student, too, although a peculiar one, but Nadir had taken his quirks in stride. Erik knew there was nothing much to be nervous about in regards to meeting him that day, but he was still nervous all the same.
Or, perhaps, he was nervous because of what the trip out was for.
“Good to see you again, old friend!” that familiar voice boomed too loud behind Erik.
Erik turned to see his former tutor reaching a hand out to clap him on the shoulder. He cringed away.
Nadir, upon seeing his reaction, refrained from touching him. He put his hands in his pockets instead, grinning.
“Madame Giry told me the good news!” he continued.
“Madame Giry is an old meddler!” Erik grumbled, as though he himself hadn’t requested that the woman inform Nadir of Erik’s recent engagement and inquire if they could meet.
Nadir merely laughed. He was quite used to Erik’s moods.
“She told me you wanted to talk?”
Erik nodded tersely.
“I was wondering...” Erik looked down at his feet, his face feeling hot. “I mean, we don’t have a wedding date set yet, but we will be getting married in a church at some point... And Christine is going to have a few guests you know... And I thought maybe you...”
“Are you inviting me to your wedding?” Nadir smiled.
“No!”
Nadir’s eyebrows shot up.
“I mean-“ Erik corrected himself. “I do want you in my wedding, but not as a guest - I- I wanted to know if you wanted to be my Best Man...”
Erik’s face flushed with embarrassment at his own request. He had no friends, not really - his only real friend was his bride. But... He wanted a normal wedding, even still. Maybe his Best Man wouldn’t be a close friend, but Nadir was one of only three people on earth that actually knew him beyond a passing acquaintance. He felt a little ashamed that instead of a friend he had only a former teacher, but the man had always been exceedingly kind to him. He supposed they were friends of a sort, after all.
“Erik - I would be honored!”
Erik’s shoulders relaxed a little.
“Then- then as Best Man, that means you have to help me pick a gift for Christine,” he licked his dry lips.
“A gift?”
“A wedding gift,” he nodded.
Nadir tilted his head.
“I didn’t think grooms needed to buy the bride a gift... Getting married is already a sort of a gift, isn’t it?”
“I don’t count!” Erik cried. “I’m- I’m not enough. She needs a gift, a real gift!”
He looked away, his countenance dark and serious.
“She deserves a special gift,” he continued, and for a brief second Nadir almost worried about what, exactly, this special gift was.
“We can go shopping, if you like?” Nadir offered.
Erik brightened just slightly.
“Thank you, Nadir.”
They walked to store together and by the time they arrived, Erik had relaxed around him. He felt silly for ever having been nervous about seeing Nadir - good heavens, what was there to be nervous about? He had known the man for more than half his life. They settled into easy conversation, Nadir keeping the topics light yet engaging to distract Erik from getting nervous about the other people around them.
When they entered the store, however, a cold sense of dread came over Erik.
“What were you thinking of getting her?” Nadir asked.
Erik glanced this way and that. How could he explain what he was looking for? How could he say those words? Christine had been so sweet and trusting to reveal her secret desires to him, he couldn’t go and tell all and sundry her private wishes!
His eyes lingered on the women’s clothing department, but he merely said, “I wish to get her a number of gifts, actually.”
Nadir took this in stride, and they began shopping.
Erik truly only had one gift in mind, but he was far too embarrassed to go straight to the women’s undergarments and pick one out. Perhaps, he thought to himself, if the undergarment was merely one of a dozen or so gifts, it wouldn’t draw such attention from anyone.
They spent nearly half a day in the department store picking out things that the happy couple could use together, like a croquet set, a shiny new silver teapot with silverware to match, a board game they had never seen before, matching blankets that could be rolled out on the grass for a picnic (things to be used in their eventual house in the sun!), and things for Christine alone to use, such as a bottle of lovely perfume (they had had quite a time of choosing one, spraying the samples on each other to see what it was like, and they were so engrossed in their task that neither one noticed the annoyance of the girl who was in charge of the perfume department), a ring with a pretty pink stone, a long necklace made of bright white pearls, some fancy ribbons for her hair, an intricately carved comb, the latest colors of a makeup palette from her favorite brand, and a darling little cape that tied with a satin bow. Nadir even bought Erik a finely crafted chain for his pocket watch, insisting that he had to get the future groom a gift of congratulations. Erik let the sentimental old booby buy him the gift - it was, after all, a very fine chain, and if the man wanted to waste his hard-earned money on Erik, well, he certainly wasn’t going to stop him.
Erik hesitated near the one section he truly want to buy something from. Nadir noticed.
“Do want to buy her buy something for after the wedding?” he asked, his voice quiet.
Erik nodded once, not able to meet his eye.
“Well, let’s see what they have,” he placed a comforting hand on Erik’s shoulder, which Erik allowed.
They braved the rows of female underclothes together, Nadir trying to not show too much interest in any of them, Erik’s face bright red and full of shame as he glanced at each one. The sales lady gave them a suspicious look, but she was aware of how much they had bought in other departments and she was not about to turn away such a good customer.
“Do you see anything you like?” Nadir asked after a little while.
Erik looked at him, despairing.
Nadir gave him a fatherly smile. The poor boy was overwhelmed, he realized. And he couldn’t blame him - Erik had always been on the shy side, and Nadir would never have guessed in the past that one day he would not only go out to a store but also be picking undergarments for his future wife.
“What sort of thing were you thinking of?” he tried to help him narrow the search down. “A corset, a nightgown, bloomers, a chemise?”
“A chemise,” he mumbled.
“Those are over here, I think.”
But once in front of the chemises Erik found just as many reasons to despair.
There were so many styles! Some had sleeves that went to the elbows, some had little cap sleeves, some had only straps. Some covered the shoulders entirely while others hung teasingly around the edges of the shoulders. Most were white but there were even a few that had been dyed pastel colors, like peach and purple. Some were quite plain and utilitarian while other were overly extravagant with excessive beading and flounces.
Erik stared at them with abject horror. Why were there so many choices?! He’d never imagined such a thing. Did all women really have to wear these things? Every day? And have to choose one? Every day?
The unbidden and thoroughly unwanted thought appeared in his mind that every woman he’d ever seen had been wearing one of these under her dress. If that image wasn’t bad enough, suddenly his thoughts were consumed with the image of Madame Giry in one of these - kind, matronly Madame Giry, the mother of Christine’s best friend Meg, and sort of like a mother to him as well... wearing this light pink, low-cut, beaded and feathered, scandalously sheer, lace frill trimmed chemise and nothing more. Maybe she wore this under her modest black satin dress when she talked to him!
He scrubbed a fist over the unmasked side of his face. He hated his own mind for showing him such things, and he wanted to cry.
“It’s alright, Erik,” Nadir said kindly, not knowing what kind of wretch Erik truly was.
“There’s so many!” he gestured to them, exasperated. “How am I supposed to know which she’d like?”
Nadir considered this.
“While I don’t know Christine personally, she does seem very accommodating and understanding,” Nadir mused. “I’m certain she’d wear anything you bought her. She’ll understand, Erik, if you buy something that you want to see her in, not something that you think she’d pick for herself. She’ll love it because she loves you.”
His words calmed him just a little. He remembered what Christine had said before, too.
”I pictured you in your chemise, Christine. I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright, Erik. I like to picture you, similarly.”
Erik took a deep breath. Nadir was right. It wasn’t necessarily the style or color of the chemise, but the fact that it was him. Surely Christine would appreciate the effort he had put in to fulfilling her desires, even if the chemise itself was not quite what she’d pictured. Besides, if she found issue with the one he picked, well - he could always get a different one, this time with her input.
He looked back up at the chemises, feeling a little braver.
The most simple and plain ones were out, of course. The overly fancy ones were, too. He thought of what Christine liked in her own chemises, and used that as a general rule. White, with lace. Something soft, he realized - he had sensitive skin, and he was the one wearing it, after all.
He held a few up for Nadir’s opinion, and finally narrowed it down to two.
He bit his lip as he looked at both of them, taking many things into consideration. At last he decided on the one that was a little longer with short sleeves. It had intricate lacework down the front, and delicate smocking as well. He thought it would look truly lovely on Christine... and he could only hope that she’d think it lovely on him as well.
“This one,” he said quietly, and Nadir nodded in agreement.
All that was left was to pick the correct size. His brow furrowed as he bypassed the smaller sizes.
“Do you know what size she wears?” Nadir asked.
“Yes,” was all he said in reply.
And he did know what size she wore - they’d cuddled enough times for him to practically memorize the size and shape of her, though he would refuse to let Nadir know that.
He held up a size, judging it.
“That looks a little big for her,” Nadir offered.
Erik glanced nervously about, making certain that no one was looking. He then held the chemise up to his own body, draping it across himself to see if it looked like it would fit.
Nadir’s brow knit. He knew his friend often had fits of nerves in which most rational thought abandoned him, and he wondered if that was what was happening now.
“Erik,” he tried to be helpful. “That one goes halfway to your own knees. That means on Christine it’ll fall just below her knees. They’re supposed to fall mid-thigh...”
“I know.”
He pulled the top across the width of his shoulders, making sure it went far enough to accommodate his frame. He folded it and put it back on the shelf, picking the next size up and trying again.
Nadir cleared his throat.
“That one is definitely too big for her...” Nadir paused for a long time, his mouth trying to form words that were overflowing in his brain.
“It is for Christine, isn’t it?”
Erik stared straight ahead, silent.
“Y-yes,” he finally answered.
Well, wasn’t it? In a way? She wouldn’t be wearing it, but it was for her, all the same.
Nadir narrowed his eyes at him, but decided to not the press the matter. Let him buy one a little too large for her - and if it wasn’t for her, well, he most certainly didn’t want to know. He was merely helping a friend shop for his bride, and anything that happened past that with his friend and the bride and the garment was none of his business and a topic he was going to try very hard to forget once this shopping trip was over.
“This one,” Erik clutched it tightly.
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
They began to walk to the counter to pay for it when suddenly Erik froze.
“What’s wrong?” Nadir asked, concerned.
“I can’t,” Erik whispered.
“Can’t what, friend?”
Erik shook his head vigorously.
“I can’t go up there!”
Nadir looked where Erik’s gaze was frozen - the counter with the cash register and the very female sales attended.
He was about tell him he was being silly about it - it was a simple transaction! - when he stopped himself. Things that seemed simple to Nadir were often ordeals to Erik.
“Here, give it to me,” he held his hand out. “I can take it up there for you.”
Erik handed him the chemise then fished in his pocket for some money which he handed to him as well.
Nadir shook his head a little as he approached the counter. Poor Erik, who often couldn’t do relatively easy things because his mind wouldn’t let him, always imaging how things might turn out badly, always feeling as though he were in the wrong somehow no matter what - why, there was nothing to be scared or ashamed of in purchasing this! There was-
The blood drained from Nadir’s face as the woman turned around and gave him a disapproving frown and embarrassment washed through him.
He realized that Erik, who was currently sulking some dozen or so feet away from them, refusing to look anywhere but his own feet, actually had the right idea.
He held the offending object out for her to ring up.
“I’m buying this for my friend,” he said, his voice over loud and nervous.
Erik covered his face with his hands, overcome at how horribly close Nadir’s words were to the actual truth of the matter.
The woman raised a judgmental eyebrow despite Nadir’s attempt at a smile, and promptly told him the total which he paid.
The chemise was wrapped in tissue paper and handed back to him, and he quickly joined Erik’s side again.
“There, see?” he tried to pretend he didn’t have sweat forming at his brow. “That wasn’t so bad.”
Erik muttered some words which Nadir didn’t fully hear, but he assumed were expressions of gratitude.
“Let’s go get the rest of the bags, then we can get a cab back to your place,” Nadir continued.
They waited a little while for all of their bags from the various departments to be delivered to the front of the store for them. As they were waiting, Nadir’s mind began to wander to his own nostalgic memories.
“Ah, what a time you have ahead of you, Erik,” Nadir smiled fondly. “Enjoy it. There’s nothing quite like that first evening together as man and wife, when you finally get to hold her in your arms all night long...”
Erik pressed his lips into a thin line, pointedly not meeting Nadir’s gaze. Though he hadn’t let Christine undertake any more wifely actions, they already had been holding each other all night long... and for quite a while now, too.
“Do you, ah-“ he lowered his voice even more. “Do you have any questions about anything? You can always ask me anything... I was married once, you know.”
“NO!”
In his horror, Erik forgot to control the volume of his voice. The sales attendant looked in their direction, confused, and Erik wished the earth would open up and swallow him.
“No I don’t have any questions!” Erik whispered furiously.
“Alright, alright. If you ever should...”
“I know, I know!” Erik scowled, muttering. “The devil would there even be to ask questions about...”
He was suddenly struck by at least two dozen questions that hadn’t occurred to him before. He swallowed against the lump in his throat. He had thought he was fairly well-versed in the concept of... all of that, but-
What if he wasn’t?
He felt he might pass out. He squeezed his hands into fists and tried to steady his breath - there was still a long time until the wedding, surely this was a worry for another time.
He glanced nervously at Nadir, wondering what secret knowledge the man was hiding behind that little smile of his, and wondering if it was worth the assuredly large amount of embarrassment to ask.
He could still remember in mortifying detail one of their former lessons, when, after a lesson from a biology textbook, Nadir had asked innocently enough what the boy knew of human reproduction. Despite Erik’s insistence that he already knew enough, Nadir had described in clinical, yet still somehow horrifying, detail about the ins and outs of such an undertaking.
Surely, surely there could not be more to it than that - especially not after several of those novels Erik had read (he had merely been curious! Was it a crime to be curious?) in the secrecy of his home, the ones he’d never admit to having read.
And yet...
The ‘what if’ haunted him, as it usually did on so very many subjects.
His mouth set in a deep frown, he glared hard at Nadir, who wasn’t even looking. How dare this man know secrets and cruelly tease Erik with their existence!
They were alerted by the sales attendant that the rest of their packages had arrived, pulling Erik from his brooding thoughts and Nadir from his happy reminiscing.
They packed the bags and boxes into the cab they hailed, and Erik slipped the folded bundle of the chemise into a random bag.
They talked of more pleasant things in the cab, Nadir thankfully knowing when to drop a subject.
They arrived outside the Rue Scribe entrance to the cellars, the bags piled around their feet, and Nadir was suddenly overcome with emotion.
“I’m so proud of you, Erik,” he said, almost tearing up a little. “You’ve worked so hard to overcome so much, you deserve every good thing life has to offer...”
Erik looked away, trying to remain aloof so he wouldn’t start crying in the middle of the street.
“Help me carry these to the bank of the lake,” was all he said, and Nadir obliged.
They parted amiably after he had carried down an armful of bags with Erik, with promises to meet again soon for lunch or a card game. Nadir had hoped to hug him, but he settled for the firm handshake Erik offered in its stead.
Once Nadir was safely on his way out of the cellars, Erik ferried his purchases across the lake and to the door of his house. He had just finished bringing them all inside when Christine appeared from the other room to look curiously at what he had brought.
“Erik, what’s all this?” she asked as she approached him, hugging him and giving him a kiss.
“These are gifts for you, my dear,” he said tenderly, holding her close and nuzzling his masked nose into her hair.
Her eyes widened.
“Me? What did I do?”
He laughed.
“They are wedding gifts, love,” he explained.
She pressed her lips together.
“Ah,” she said. “So I suppose, then, that I shall receive them at the wedding...”
He pulled out a specific bag, the one with the ribbons and the makeup and few other novelties.
“Correct, but you may open this right now.”
Christine took it to her room with a squeal of delight, settled herself on the bed, and eagerly began to open the mysterious packages within the big paper bag. There were many lovely things inside, though one in particular caught her eye.
She unfolded the chemise, entranced by the delicate lace and soft fabric. But once it was entirely unfolded, she frowned.
This wouldn’t fit her. It was much too long, and too wide in the shoulders. She was baffled - Erik knew what size she was. He’d never gotten it wrong before. Had he made a mistake, perhaps?
She took it with her as she made her way to the sitting room where Erik was.
“Erik,” she held the garment out in front of her. “I don’t think this will fit me at all.”
He smiled kindly as strode over to stand in front of her. He hadn’t realized that he’d accidentally placed the chemise in the bag he had given to her - he had been intending on saving it for their wedding night - but now that she had already seen it, she might as well know about it. He gently placed his hands on either side of her face and tilted her head up towards his, pressing a reverent kiss to her forehead.
“That’s because it’s not for you to wear, my dear,” he explained in a tender voice. “It’s for me.”
“T-to wear?” she stuttered, her face turning red.
He nodded.
“Yes.”
“O-oh! Um, oh,” she blinked fast, trying to formulate a response.
She was not unaware of such things, she heard just as many sordid stories as the rest of the chorus girls. She wasn’t necessarily opposed to the thought that Erik might have... special interests, she was merely surprised that she was only just now learning of it.
“I... I didn’t know you were... into that,” was all she could manage.
He raised an eyebrow.
“I am not into it... You are.”
“Me?!” she squealed.
He looked confused.
“Well, aren’t you?”
“Erik! What- when?” she couldn’t even finish her sentence.
“One night at dinner,” he insisted. “You said you liked picturing me in a chemise!”
“What! I did not!”
“You did! You said it! Why else why I buy this, if not for you?” he gestured to the chemise in her hands.
“I don’t remember saying that at all! I most certainly do not fantasize about you in a chemise!” her face was crimson at her own brazen words.
Erik’s face fell.
“Are- are you serious?”
“I’m serious! Erik, this has to be a misunderstanding somehow!”
He turned and began to pace, eventually leaning over the couch, feeling slightly ill. What if Nadir had guessed somehow? What if the sales attendant had suspicions? And all for naught! Christine didn’t even like the idea! Everyone was judging him, including Christine! His mind swirled with the implications of it all.
Christine chewed at her lip as she watched her nervous husband-to-be. He really was a dear to go and buy this, she realized. And all because he thought it would please her. It couldn’t have been easy... So many prying eyes out in the world. And it must have been expensive, too. She rubbed her fingers over the delicate fabric. She glanced rapidly from the chemise to Erik, thinking hard and considering.
Eventually she padded over to his side and, leaving the chemise to hang over the back of the couch, wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him.
“I’ll return it tomorrow, Christine,” he said in a hollow tone.
“Erik,” she said softly, looking up at him shyly. “Maybe we, ah- maybe you should keep it, after all.”