Work Text:
Falling in love with him was agonizing, addicting and painful, a beautiful mess. And it was worth it, it was more than worth it. Having him in my life changed every single dark and lonely hue into vivid nuances. He took away every single broken fragment from my heart and replaced them with happiness. He taught me that life is more enjoyable when people smile. And he was right, because his smile, it was the most delicate and pure thing I've ever seen. On the other side, his tears, they're a curse, a neverending nightmare. But even then, when sad times are crumbling in-between us, I'll always be there for him to wipe his tears and hold him tight. Why? Because I love him. It's that simple and as complicated .
The pen slipped from Sarawat's fingers and he stared at his writing with endearment, his glance falling over the dark-blue box placed beside his arm, his feelings ascending in his throat. He's been keeping it hidden for weeks, trying to find the perfect timing and method to give it to Tine. But every single time he'd find a moment, his legs would become weak and his words would freeze between his teeth. His friends told him that it was natural to feel nervous before taking such a drastic step, but he was too frustrated with himself to listen to them.
And Tine could see that. That his lover was hiding something from him and was beating himself up behind closed curtains. But he didn't ask, because he knew Sarawat. He knew that he needed his own time to untangle his thoughts and that he was unable of hiding anything from Tine. They've gone through Hell and back together. They knew each other better than they knew themselves.
"What are you working on?" Tine's arms wrapped around Sarawat's back, surprising his boyfriend when he appeared out of nowhere, placing his chin on his shoulder.
But when the guitarist realized who the visitor was, he smiled to himself, turning his rotating chair around and luring Tine naturally on top of his lap. He couldn't believe that after such a long time his lover was still blushing from casual acts like that one.
"A song," Sarawat replied simply, his fingers moving back a strand of hair from Tine's eyes.
"What is it about?" Tine asked with expecting eyes, his hands that were surrounded around Sarawat's neck playing softly with the hairs on his nape. And he already knew what his boyfriend would say.
"You. It's always about you," He said it, a wide grin covering his lips. And it was true. Ever since day one all of the songs that Sarawat has learned and wrote were about Tine, about how he made him feel, about how much he loved him. And he never wanted to stop singing for and about him.
Tine's cheeks and ears reddened. Sarawat's smart mouth has always been the perfect touch to his heart. If anyone would've told him two years ago that he would soon be deeply enamored with Sarawat Guntithanon, he would've laughed in their face. But he became the one being laughed at. However, he had absolutely no regrets. Meeting and falling in love with Sarawat was the best thing that has ever happened to him.
And with that overwhelming thought crossing his mind, Tine bent his head to give his lover a tender kiss, which meant more than a million words could. At the beginning of their relationship, and even before that, Sarawat has always been the one to initiate kisses or any kind of skinship. He was too afraid and confused back then to do anything about it, but after a while, he turned into an attention thief, always stealing Sarawat's lips, arms and lap whenever he felt like it. He didn't want to call himself a clingy boyfriend, but Sarawat was of another opinion. But he couldn't complain because he loved every single thing about it. And he himself was worse than Tine, being all over his lover anytime he has the chance to.
"It feels like this weather is mocking us. Do you want to go anywhere today?" Sarawat mumbled over Tine's mouth, looking right into the other's dilated pupils.
And that's how they found themselves under the clear blue sky, walking hand-in-hand down the alley towards a happier, emptier spot. Tine didn't know where they were headed to, but Sarawat's hopeless romantic nature knew exactly where they were going, leading his clueless boyfriend along the way.
They don't go on dates very often, because their whole relationship is the epitome of a long date, but when they do, Sarawat always makes sure to make them memorable. Even if he already knows that each day spent with him is a memorable day for Tine. But knowing that you love someone is different from showing them that you love them. And Sarawat was always trying to do that, give Tine love and he was aware that the other was doing the same. It all sounded like a fairytale the way they were imagining it, but that was because they were able to solve and put all of their problems and differences to the side. Loving each other has taught them enough to be able to do that. And they still had a lot more to learn.
The birds were chirping louder and louder as the two lovers were distancing themselves from the life of the city, and by then Tine had figured out that their short walk wasn't just a coincidence, but he decided not to bring it up, just offering Sarawat a knowing smile, which his boyfriend received with a similar one. Sarawat could feel the little box heaving his pockets the closer they were getting to the hidden spot and he didn't know if his hands were sweating from holding the other's, or if he was that anxious. All he wanted was to get rid of that heavy stone pressing above his lungs and the only way to do that was to overcome his fears.
Their surroundings started changing from a point on, the buildings becoming trees, the asphalt becoming green grass and flowers and the smell turning into fresh air mixed with sweet scents of nature. Tine was already excited, almost gushing over the happy view, a butterfly flying around his head then disappearing in the distance. He was telling Sarawat about every little thing that was making him happy, his giggles sweet like honey and his eyes as shiny as the sunbeams. And right then, in the middle of a field of flowers Sarawat had that thought again. I want to marry you . It was a thought that has crossed his mind over a thousand times a day, but he wasn't brave enough to let it morph into words. Not until Tine, who was a few steps forward already, turned around and laughed brightly. He looked as if he was an angel, and Sarawat's whole being gave up on all of the self-control he's had in the past few weeks.
"I want to marry you," He recited his desired thought out loud, stopping time. Tine's smile faded into a perplexed expression, the words that came from his boyfriend's mouth shooting a bullet in his heart, a blooming bullet. "I want to marry you," Sarawat repeated himself as if he wasn't heard the first time, his voice gaining confidence as he approached Tine and pressed his hands on his cheeks like he always does, his touch melting Tine right away. "I, really want to marry you, Tine," He said again while staring into the other's eyes as if he could see another world in them.
Everything was sudden, and far from how Sarawat had imagined it. But that's love, it hits you and then it makes you do crazy things. It doesn't really care about timings and plans and fancy restaurants. Sarawat felt in that exact moment that he could marry Tine on the spot and that was what mattered, not anything or anyone else. He knew that his proposal wasn't ideal and extravagant, but it was special and complex in its own way. And he could see it in Tine's glance, he could see the ocean of emotions going through a storm, but the disappointment wasn't one of those feelings. But that silence was driving him insane, that inexplicable weight in the air making him desperate for at least one word from Tine.
"Will you marry me?" He whispered, his voice cracking. It almost felt like it was the end of the world. So he kissed Tine to avoid that nerve-wracking sentiment, but his lover wasn't kissing him back. And right then all of Sarawat's fears started choking him from the inside and he could feel tears forming at the back of his eyes.
Tine was entirely paralyzed, Sarawat's words ringing in his ears and making him feel nauseous. He felt as if the other was playing a joke on him, but he knew what his boyfriend looked like when he was lying, and the brimming tears were far from it. He wanted to jump in his arms and shout the biggest 'Yes' from the top of his lungs but it was too hard to get out from the trance that he was stuck in. He was feeling so much joy that his body became frightened by it and completely shut down. He could feel Sarawat's palms trembling on his cheeks, and that was enough to bring himself back to life as he lifted his hands and put them reassuringly over the other's. His own eyes started tearing up and he could feel the time unfreezing second by second, his lips transitioning into a big smile and his tears beginning a dance upon his skin. And at the sight of Tine crying, Sarawat broke down too, his overwhelmed heart leading him towards the other's lips again and that time he was kissed back. They were tasting each other's happy tears and their quiet sobs were getting drowned by their act of love. Everything that was happening outside and inside of them was too much to comprehend, but their actions were speaking louder than sentences could.
Their whole story was playing like a movie in their heads while they were laying down in a field of flowers, staring at their matching golden rings with endearment. The sun was painting glimmers over their initials engraved into the gold, and none of them has ever felt as happy as in that moment. Sarawat took Tine's hand in his' and intertwined their fingers, kissing each one of them with such tenderness and care, as if they were feathers. And Tine lifted his head from Sarawat's chest to kiss him one more time, just in case he was dreaming. It all felt too good to be true. He watched as Sarawat sighed deeply and stole another kiss.
"All I can give you right now is this, Tine. I know it's not much, but it comes from my heart. And if I could give you the world, I would. But you're my world, my universe, and my everything. And I don't want to ever give you away. I love you," Sarawat talked quietly, inches away from his lover's face. It was as if they were sharing a secret, a very important one and Tine was ready to keep it for himself forever.
He was ready to live a long life with Sarawat Guntithanon, for as long as they'll love each other.