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“It's going to be all right.”
Makoto has been repeating these words like a mantra ever since he had left the house. It was a desperate attempt to calm himself down. He was nervous. Extremely nervous.
Makoto felt stupid, almost like a child. Haru wouldn't be mad at him forever. They will reconcile at some point. But he honestly didn't know how his best friend would react today. Maybe it was a mistake, coming to see him at the airport. Fuck, what was he thinking? What if Haru didn't want to see him? Would he make everything worse? He could still leave. Get the next train home and pretend that he never attempted to see him.
No. He had to stop thinking like that.
Letting out an exhausted sigh, Makoto lifted a hand to rub over his face. He had hardly slept last night. It was easy to keep up the act in front of his friends and his family, but the brunette felt a lot worse than he showed anyone. The fight has made him feel empty and he was still extremely worried about Haru.
A part of him regretted talking to him. Makoto knew it was necessary, that Haru finally had to start thinking about his future. But maybe there could have been a better way. He should have known how Haru would react. Makoto couldn't help but blame himself, felt like he could have done or said something differently. Of course, he was aware that it wasn't his fault entirely, that it took two people for a fight.
But Haru had been hurt, afraid even. Probably still was. Makoto should have been there for him. Should have noticed sooner how awful his best friend really felt. He just wanted him to be all right, to be happy. Instead he pressured Haru at a point where he didn't see another solution but pushing Makoto away, something he had never done before.
Makoto closed his eyes, resting his head against the window of the moving train. He could still hear Haru's voice in his head, yelling at him in a way he had never done before. The words still stung, like daggers which are being thrust into his heart. Seeing Haru having an outburst like that was one thing. Having it directed towards himself however, Makoto had no idea how to react in that moment.
Well. It was their first fight after all. Maybe that's why it hurt so much more than he had ever expected. Others fought so much more often, sometimes even constantly. Makoto really didn't understand how they could deal with that.
Biting his lower lip, Makoto's gaze fell down on his watch. One more hour until Haru's and Rin's arrival. He sighed, gazing outside silently as he waited for the inevitable confrontation.
“Haru?”
Letting out a soft sigh, Haru turned his head, trying to ignore Rin's voice. His friend has been trying to start a conversation ever since the plane took off, but Haru wasn't in the mood.
He felt horrible. The light feeling of relief and happiness had left him hours ago simply at the thought of returning to Japan. He'd rather turn his back and return to Australia, concentrating on his newly found dream. But he had to face Makoto sooner or later. Who would have known that it would ever be so hard for him to see his best friend?
He will be mad. Haru was sure of it. Now that he had time to really think about their fight, Haru regretted the words he had said. There was no need for him to attack Makoto like this but he couldn't help himself back then.
And then there was Makoto's revelation. To be honest, Haru never really considered that their paths would split one day. But now that it was time for him to face reality he wasn't quite ready yet. They have been together ever since kindergarten. He wished it could stay like this forever.
“Haru, are you even listening?” Haru closed his eyes. Damn, Rin, can't you shut up for a while?
“Come on...”, Rin continued, his voice more gentle than before. “I know you're nervous, but hey, it's Makoto. The guy can't stay mad at you for long. I'm not even sure if he's mad in the first place.” Rin paused, before he added. “He's just concerned.”
Haru didn't reply. Instead he let out a noise of annoyance. He didn't want to talk about this right now. Not about Makoto and certainly not about their argument. No, he didn't want a reminder about the reason why he was so anxious. He'd rather ignore it for a little while longer.
Makoto swallowed hardly, his gaze fixed on Haru in front of him. They have been staring at each other for at least a minute now without any of them saying a word. Usually that wouldn't be a problem. Usually Makoto would be able to tell what Haru was thinking. But not now. Right now Haru was as unreadable as he probably is to most people.
His gaze shifted to Rin for a moment who stood a couple of feet away from them. Makoto could practically read the 'Fucking make up already' in the way Rin raised his eyebrows and it almost made him smile. Almost.
“So...”, the brunette finally started, his green eyes returning to Haru without meeting his best friend's blue ones. “How... how was your trip?” Fuck, he felt so awkward. It wasn't supposed to feel so wrong, talking to Haru. “It was... fine. Great”, Haru replied slowly, as if he was unsure whether that was the correct answer. “That's nice. I'm happy that you were able to relax a little”, Makoto replied just as cautiously.
They fell quiet again, an uncomfortable silence stretching between them. Makoto was already debating if he should just leave when Haru suddenly raised his voice again. “I found it.”
“What?” Makoto looked up. Did he really just hear that? “I found my dream. I want to swim. Professionally. Or at least I'd like to try.” The smaller one shrugged.
Makoto couldn't help but smile. He felt a warmth of relief spreading through his stomach, for the first time in ages his concern for Haru was lifted from his shoulders. “That's wonderful. Haru I'm so happy for you. I...” His words were filled with excitement, his smile bright, when he was interrupted by Haru.
“Wait, Makoto. I...” He looked away, pausing. Makoto's smile dropped, anxious at what was about to come.
“I'm... I'm sorry. For what I've said.” Makoto could sense his best friend's discomfort, but also the honesty of his apology. “Haru...” His voice was quiet, barely more than a breath escaping his lips. He finally realized how foolish he – no they - have been.
“It's ok”, Makoto whispered as he closed the distance between them, pulling Haru into a tight embrace without wasting another thought. He could feel tears forming in the corners of his own eyes, but choose to ignore them. “I'm so relieved that you're all right. I was so worried.” Makoto could feel Haru's resistance at first, clearly not too happy about the hug, but finally giving in to his fate and wrapping his own arms around Makoto's body.
Makoto couldn't tell how long they stood their, simply holding onto each other. It's been ages since the last time they truly have hugged. However after a while they were interrupted.
“Seriously guys, stop acting like a married couple. It's embarrassing.” Makoto couldn't help but giggle when he heard Rin's annoyed voice. “Sorry,” he said, loosening the grip around Haru's shoulders. “I suppose, I got carried away a little.”