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It was funny, in a sick and twisted way, knowing that life could be so unpredictable, how it can pull you in one direction but then shove you into another one when he decides that it’s bored of that direction. Naib always thought it was funny. Being in the army gave you desensitisation to morbid realities, he was always prepared for the worst, always seeing possibilities for death, and he always assumed that the manor and their games would be where he would see his sudden end, that this would be the worst.
Needless to say when he woke up one day with a mouth full of blood and floors covered with blood smeared zephyr flowers, his assumptions would be gone in the wind.
Now, Naib wasn’t stupid. It wasn’t some secret, hidden disease like many tried to make it out to be, but it was common, the disease only being present in one out of ten people. Hanahaki disease. While he knew his poor helpless mother had it while she was young, which increased the chances of him getting it, he never though it would come to this. Why would he be inflicted with such an overwhelming presence of flower and blood and- dear God, he couldn’t stop the itch in his throat. Naib wasn’t in love, love was something which he wasn’t allowed , Naib was to be one to die on the battlefield, something else he knew from a young age, and yet… here he was.
Experiencing it.
And he didn’t even know who he was in love with. Understanding his own emotions was something he struggled with in the first place, so having to be confronted with such an ‘important’ emotion as love, right now? In the middle of this damned place?!
It was overwhelming to say the least.
But, ignoring the clog in his throat and the uneasy feeling in his stomach, Naib simply wiped away the blood and threw away the flowers. No need to bring it up to anyone.
He was sure it would be over soon.
Despite that line of thought, it kept happening.
Whether it be when he’s in his room alone, when preparing for his own dinner, even during games, Naib would feel his chest tighten up, his throat would burn and he would throw up these stupid flowers, taking the breath out of his lungs and days off of his life by doing so. Thankfully, he was always able to hide it, typically being alone in circumstances when this would happen and being able to dispose of the evidence.
However, he couldn’t hide his lingering symptoms, especially considering the fact they had a doctor in their ranks. After a particularly awful coughing fit, expelling out a few red poppies this time, he ran into Emily in the kitchen, where she promptly brought him onto a couch for further examination.
“How long have you experienced symptoms for, Naib?”
Naib was a repeating patient for Emily, often needing to be bandaging, yet he had never actually felt unwell. Well, except for now of course.
“Shit, I dunno.” Voice hoarse from expelling the flowers. “A week?” Naib grunted as Emily kept on with the check up, ranging from taking his temperature and taking his blood pressure. According to Emily, the levels seemed normal… and right before she dismissed him, Eli came over, an expression of worry on his face.
“Is everything okay, Naib?” His voice was gentle, as Brooke hopped onto Naib’s shoulder, Naib couldn’t help but suddenly feel sheepish.
“Yeah, I’m good. Ems was just checking my vitals ‘n shit, I’m fine. Promise. Don’t worry about me.” He waved off the concern, scratching Brooke’s chin slightly in order to pet the bird, as Eli gave a breath of relief, sitting next to Naib. At the sudden closeness, Naib couldn’t help but feel the tightness of his chest coming back, a small flush coming upon his cheeks as he darted his eyes around, looking anywhere but Eli. Was he going to be sick again? He didn’t want to leave Eli suddenly, especially when Brooke was on his shoulder- God, what a pickle-
“Ah, that’s a relief then. I was worried something may have happened.” Eli gave a bright smile to Naib, causing his throat to close up, his free hand gripping against the cushion. Emily, sensing her job was done, headed out towards the kitchen in order to help Emma with cooking. “It wouldn’t be good, having you be sick, so I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Ye… yeah.” Swallowing down the odd lump in his throat, Naib gave a smile back.
He wasn’t sure why but knowing that Eli cared for him, it made him feel happy. While he appreciated Emily’s help, it simply was a bother for her to do so, he didn’t need looking after, he wasn’t a baby… but he could certainly appreciate Eli coming in to converse with him, making sure that he was okay before continuing their talk.
However, as Eli and Brooke excused themselves in order to check up on dinner, Naib’s throat clogged up again and he threw up a prince’s feather flower into his hand, blood splattered against the gorgeous pink flower as Naib’s eyes widened.
“Fuck.”
From Eli’s kind smile, to his sparkling and caring eyes, how he always watched over the others in careful worry, all the way to his beautiful laughter and his sense of duty. Naib had admired him so much and that feeling of admiration came crashing down at the horrifying realisation.
I’m in love with Eli.
Of course, of fucking course he would fall in one with the one man he couldn’t have!
Sure, it wasn’t like Naib could get anyone anyway but only him would fall in love with an engaged man, only he would be inflicted with a disease of unrequited love where he could get seriously hurt- or die! Unless he would cure this bullshit. Naib rubbed his bandaged hand across his face, mumbling to himself in his room about his current situation. There were only three ways to deal with this and only one way seemed natural.
- Tell Eli of his feelings, get rejected because he was a married man, and then die a painful death.
- Try to get it surgically removed, which would be great, if they had the equipment for it or was allowed outside. Which they didn’t have and wasn’t allowed to do. Plus, that required telling someone about this.
- Just die without telling anyone.
Yep.
He was going with option three.
Now, Naib always knew he was going to spend his last days on earth within the manor’s walls, or during one of those games, but he never thought it would be by something as pointless as stupid love disease. He wanted to die for someone- but not like this! At one point, Naib even thought about ending it all himself, but he knew he couldn’t - if he did such a selfish act, then someone could be hurt, as he was not there; as their shield.
So Naib had to soldier on, whether he liked it or not.
However, it was getting harder too. Breathing was proving to be more of a challenge, knowing that the flowers were becoming tangled within his ribs, within his lungs. Whenever he would run for more than a few seconds, he would have to double over and wheeze, catch his breath thanks to his throat closing up on him. Even as he tried to sleep more, be more mindful of his breathing, Naib was burning up more and getting fevers out of nowhere - it was hard, trying to pretend everything was okay.
And yet, as Naib coughed up bloodied up marigold petals, he knew that he couldn’t hide it forever.
Screw that, Naib thought as he put his hand in his mouth and pulled on the stem which was lodged in his throat, resulting in him throwing him more blood, a pathetic trail of full marigolds, and most of his dinner. No one has to know.
“Ahem! Emma has an announcement and a question!”
Oh dear.
As everyone was gathered in the dining hall to eat, Emma suddenly burst in from the garden, bloodied bundle of different coloured roses in her hand, an unnatural frown presence on her face as everyone either went into a hushed silence or a curious chatter about what on earth Emma had to say this time, given her usual… confusing statements.
“Who is eating Emma’s flowers?! Emma shouldn’t have to tell you that flowers aren’t food- hey!” She pointed at Norton, who had started to snicker to himself. “This isn’t funny, because there was blood! And a lot of throw-up, icky! Emma is concerned about who is the culprit!”
As everyone started to discuss whom it may be, Naib went pale in horror. Goddammit. He had forgotten that he had thrown up in the garden earlier, especially considering he passed out after the fact, it must have slipped his mind in the heat of the nausea setting in. As he tried to tune out most of the chatter, given how most of it was either Kretcher trying to smoove his way into getting Emma’s attention or was Norton and Mike making some horrid joke at his expense, even if it was unknowingly.
“Someone didn’t try to eat them,” A voice cut through, Naib’s breath hitching slightly as he noticed Aesop now holding the flowers, studying them carefully, uncaring for the blood and the fact he literally was in the middle of eating. “No bite marks. Someone’s sick. Hanahaki.”
Despite the fact Aesop was usually anti-social, he had gathered everyone’s attention with that. Naib internally cursed the man as he kept eating, trying to avoid the eye’s of everyone else, especially Eli - who looked extremely worried - and Aesop, who was as blunt as he was quiet, not wanting to get in his way.
“How do you know that?!” Someone’s voice cut in- Naib didn’t know whose as he kept trying to tune out everyone. Act non-suspicious and no one will suspect him, it’ll be fine-
“It was a special interest for a while.” Aesop explained. “Studying it. Someone has unrequited love, or they think, and they’re dying. The blood shows that it’s been that way for a while now.”
Even as everyone had their eyes on Aesop, trying to register that information, Naib stayed silent. It was fine , sure someone found out about it but they didn’t connect it to him, so it was fine . He was fine - he didn’t want anyone’s fucking help- Naib coughed slightly to himself, feeling a new bud forming in his throat, causing Aesop to look at him curiously.
“What?!”
“I was wondering if-”
“No!”
With a snap with his voice, Naib shoved his way out of his chair, storming out of the room, ignoring Aesop’s further questions as he left, not noticing the worried expression on Eli’s- on everyone’s faces.
“So, Eli, heard from the missus as of late?”
Great. Naib thought as Norton suddenly took over the conversation, in which himself, Norton, Mike and Eli was involved in. The four had recently recovered from a match they had, hence the comfort the four were given each other, and hence why Naib couldn’t just leave, it would be suspicious if he did so.
“Ah, it appears that after the last letter I sent her, she hasn’t written to me back. I suppose we were in a disagreement about her father’s farm, but it is odd about how she hasn’t written back to me. I do hope she’s okay…” Eli’s voice was so soft, so genuine. Naib couldn’t help but feel jealousy and longing all at once. It hurt to breathe again, seeing Eli’s sad expression, feeling the thorns which were now sprouting dig into his chest, reminding him of the man he couldn’t have.
“Ah, shit sucks man.” Norton’s voice was dismissive, wrapping his arm around Mike, which caused Naib to frown. At least act like you care, Eli really loves her… “So, how about you, Naib? Have anyone you loooove?” The topic was suddenly diverted to him, Norton’s playful yet mocking voice sang out towards him, causing Naib to grunt.
“No.”
His eyes glanced to the side. It was a lie.
“Oh? Did the small softie finally find someone who he loves, hmmm?”
“No, fuck off. I know I’ll die protecting someone, so there’s no point having emotional attachments to people.”
Naib knew that was a lie. He felt an emotional attachment to everyone. Whether it be in friendship with Norton or love with Eli, Naib cared for everybody so much, and knowing that he’ll die, probably not being able to protect his friends… It hurt.
It hurt more than the painful thorns in his throat.
“Ah, Naib. Please do not say that, my friend. We will all get out of this situation, happy and alive, so don’t be afraid to connect with people here. I see us as friends, for one.” Eli was so fucking oblivious, it hurt. As Eli held onto Naib’s hand and gave him such a sweet, understanding smile, eyes glimmering with hope, Naib closed his eyes and shook his head.
“Shut…”
His voice was hoarse. Naib couldn’t even speak anymore, feeling the flower bud dig into his throat. Before anyone could notice, he ran off, blood and yellow hyacinths expelling from his throat as he clasped his hands onto his mouth, hiding his shame and ignoring the calls of Eli.
I’m sorry.
“So, I was right.”
“Shut up, Aesop.”
Naib didn’t have much of a choice anymore, he had to go see Aesop. The one man who had some knowledge about this stupid disease and the one medicial professional who wouldn’t tell him to profess your love! Emily was stupid like that, but he knew Aesop wasn’t. Both of them didn’t connect well with their emotions, both for very different reasons, but it was why Naib could trust him with this.
“How long has this gone on for?”
“Shit, I dunno. Two months?”
Even the sheer mention of two months made Naib cough more, his coughs getting more wheezy and more broken. Goodness, how has he hid this for two months now?
“Hm, I see.” Aesop examined him as Naib laid onto Aesop’s bed, breath heavy as his vision went hazy. There was no way he could survive this for much longer. The man was a war survivor, someone tried to be a perfect soldier, yet not even someone like William could survive something like this. “I say… you have two weeks to live. If you know who it is, better confess soon, Naib. Here, if it’s me. Ahem. I love you, Naib. If not, please allow me to do your funeral for you-"
If Naib wasn’t so tired, he would have laughed at Aesop’s deadpan attempts at saving him. But instead, all he could muster was a wheeze before hacking up a dead white rose.
Naib didn’t know what to expect at his door at 2 in the morning but he certainly didn’t expect a distraught looking Eli.
“Ah, Naib- sorry for bothering you so late, I can come back tomorrow, if you would be so kind to allow me to do so-”
“No.” His voice was low, trying to hide his sore throat from throwing up more blood earlier. “What’s the matter?”
Eli silently pushed past Naib and sat onto the man’s bed. Brooke wasn’t in sight, it was just the two of them. Naib closed the door behind him as he sat down next to Eli, putting his hands to his knees as he huffed, licking away at his dry lips out of nerves. Thankfully his light was turned off, his cheeks flushing from being so close to Eli. Goodness, I’m pathetic.
“I just desire some… comfort, if you don’t mind.” Eli explained, his hands clasping as he held them against his lap, gaze downwards. “I just got Brooke back- from giving a letter to my fiancée- to… Gertrude.” He closed his eyes. “Due to some developments made from her father’s land, we disagreed on how we’ll spend our future together and… we decided to end it off, as we had different futures planned.”
This was a lot to take in.
Naib was no longer in love with an engaged man, but a single man.
He had a chance.
But, even deep inside of his soul, where he held hope, Naib knew that he didn’t deserve Eli. That Eli would never love someone such as him. Naib wasn’t someone to be loved, he was someone to use as a shield, a way to protect, he was… he was nothing. And while fate was cruel, Naib never thought it would go to this extent to rub it in his face that he never had a chance.
“Ah, ‘m sorry to hear that.” Naib didn’t know what to say, his thoughts mixed as they ranged from don’t tell him to you have a chance, tell him! “I’m sure whichever future you had in mind, it’ll be… worth it, or something.”
Even as his voice trailed off at the end, uncertain to what Eli’s future may be and even to cover up his voice crack from pain, Eli smiled and gave Naib a side hug, even if the tears gave away his true feelings.
“Thank you, Naib… you always make me feel better.”
And as Naib was busy pulling out bloodied snowdrops from his throat, Naib thought the same thing.
Eli always makes him feel better, even through the pain.
“I love you, Naib!”
“What?”
It had been two days since he last saw Aesop and he’s been feeling weaker and weaker. His energy has dropped and even trying to hide the fact he was dying was getting harder, his breath being painful and short. However, being ambushed by Norton, stupid grin and his arms wide- this wasn’t helping.
“Aww, you still look like shit! Shame, didn’t work?”
Naib flinched slightly, tired eyes looking up at Norton’s frowning face. “What do you..?”
“Oh? Yeah, Aesop told everyone. Sorry you’re dying, dude.” Norton knocked his fist against Naib’s head half-heartedly before heading off, humming as he did so, as Naib fell to his knees and groaned in frustration.
Great. Now everyone knows. Knows that he’s dying, that he was due to be useless here- Naib wanted to hide his face from the world and die silently, alone.
Like he was destined to.
And as people at random hugged Naib and told him how much they loved him and cared for him and his safety , Eli was never one of the people to do so and so, Naib continued to die slowly, and painfully.
Naib had been on the verge of life and death plenty of times but this was certainly the most pained he has ever been in.
Doubled over a cipher, coughing out unrecognisable petals from the blood and food he ate that morning, Naib wished it would all be over already. The thorns from roses stemmed within his lungs and his heart, and the poisonous pollen from the lilies within his throat made it hard for Naib to breathe, to think. And yet, he was still here, trying to protect his friends, because he didn’t want to die pointlessly.
Especially when Eli was currently being chased by the hunter. Naib didn’t want to die knowing that his absence may put the currently heart-broken Eli in danger.
He couldn’t breathe anymore.
Blood trickled down his chin pathetically as he fell against the cracked floor of the hospital, ironic, as his breath turned sharp as the pain overwhelmed Naib. He couldn’t fight back anymore. Even as he thought to Eli, the man who indirectly caused his untimely death, Naib couldn’t bring himself to hate him. Hate him. That’s all he had to do- stop loving him, dammit! If Naib just stopped loving Eli, then he would be safe, he could protect, he could…
… but he couldn’t stop loving the man.
Even now.
Eli’s perfect smile and how he always helps people with their problems without care, wanting to protect others as his eyes shined, how he was perfect. Like he was a guardian angel for everyone… even him.
Even as Naib laid dying on the floor, his thoughts never once strayed away from Eli.
“Naib?!”
Even now, Naib could still hear his voice. Through the dull ring in his ears, Eli’s voice always sounded angelic to him, a smile coming onto his face, as his vision turned red. Barely even registering the fact someone was holding him into their lap, how their smooth hands caressed his bloodied face, a wheeze escaping Naib as they handled him.
“Wait, no! You can’t die-”
Wait, was that Eli? Naib opened his mouth to talk but only gave a wheeze and a cough, more blood trickling out of his as a bundle of flowers lodged themselves in his throat, cutting deep into his tissue as he gagged and squeezed his eyes shut.
“Please, no- Shit, I didn’t want it to end like this, I can’t lose-”
Hearing was getting harder.
“-mean so much to me and-”
Breathing was getting impossible.
“I love you, dammit! Please, please live, I-”
What?
As Eli held Naib’s dying body close to his chest, a small sob escaped the taller man as he held him closely, seeing the puddle of red roses escape Naib’s mouth, followed by a gush of blood. Naib could barely register anything going on, he could only hear one thing.
“I love you.”
And with a smile on his face and feeling the weight of his chest and throat finally leave him, everything went black.